


The Girl with the Red and White Gloves

by WretchedThorium



Series: The Girl with the... [1]
Category: O'Solo - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, O'Solo - Freeform, Slight krashlyn, slight preath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 18:33:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 187,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7585435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WretchedThorium/pseuds/WretchedThorium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a mysterious fight between Kelley and her family, Hope finds that her life is about to get a lot more complicated with her freckled face friend living with her. </p><p>High School and Beyond AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiar Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Hope was trying so hard to not be the robot that she usually was when it came to human emotion, knowing that her long time friend was in some serious need of some comfort.

“Okay, seriously though, we should not be taking this route” Kelley said, the fear apparent in her voice. She kept looking over her shoulders and nervously fidgeted with her backpack straps and poked Hope in the ribs.

“KO, chill. It’s a ditch that Hope and I have walked through everyday for three years.” Ashlyn said as she held up three fingers and then ran them through the tall grass and weeds that were ten feet tall on the sides of the ditch that the soccer players were walking through.

“I don’t know guys, this is pretty shady.... Anything can be hiding in there.” Christen Press said, unconvinced of Ashlyn’s statement. “I mean who knows, some man can- did you hear that?”

The four girls suddenly stopped in their tracks. Ashlyn and Hope looked at each other, the fear in their eyes visible from the faint street light off in the distance, undeniable. They had never had any problems taking this ditch on their walk on the way to their houses after practice. All four heard the crunching of leaves, and the stems of grass snap. Someone was in the wild foliage that surrounded them. Even Hope, the tallest of them all, could not see above tall grass, could not see who or what was about to close in on them. Kelley quickly found the back of Hope’s training jersey and clung on to it, seeking the safety of her goalkeeper. The footsteps that they could hear were getting nearer. The rustling had become louder and louder, and the footsteps were starting to slow down.

“I told you we shouldn’t be here! Walking through a strange ditch at eight pm is way too late!” Kelley hushed into Hope’s ear. She pulled Hope closer, shielding herself from the source of the rustling. “I’m too pretty to die!”

The hair on the back of Hope’s neck stood up as she realized that the person was standing right in front of her, five feet away, hidden and unseen through the grass, and enveloped in the darkness. The footsteps ceased. All four girls looked at each other, unsure of what to do and paralyzed by fear.

Finally, Hope called out, “Who the fuck is there?”

No response.

All four of the girls felt the hair on the back of their neck rise and the goosebumps that formed on their skins.

Hope looked at her friends with hesitation before calling out again, “If you don’t show your face, I swear I’m going to kick your as-”

Hope stopped talking as a hand shot out from the tall compact grass. It was shaking and four girls gasped at the sight. An arm and shoulder followed, and Kelley O'Hara was this close to pissing her pants. Soon after all the body parts from this mysterious figure emerged.

Hope caught the sight of a snapback perched on the person’s head in the darkness.

They all sighed with relief.

“Fucking, Tobin.” Ashlyn grumbled. Tobin looked guilty and apologetic.

“Sorry dudes. I didn’t know it was you guys and then when I heard KO’s voice, I figured I would just hide until you guys left. But then it got awkward...so...here we are.” Tobin shrugged as her teammates shook their heads at here.

“You gave me a heart attack!” Ashlyn yelled as she massaged her chest. “And you almost made Solo prove to us that she’s a big softie. Seriously, Hope what kind of threat was that?” Ashlyn grinned as Hope playfully swatted her in the arm.

“And why were you creeping through the grass? Why didn’t you take the walkway into the ditch like a normal person?” Ashlyn asked.

“Well technically, no normal person walks through a ditch at night..” Christen offered in Tobin’s defense. The midfielder gave her a grateful nod.

“Okay, let’s just go.” Hope signaled everyone to follow the lead to the end of the ditch.The five of them made their way to the far end which was forty yards away, and in which opened up onto the main street of the neighborhood. A few steps in and Hope realized that Kelley was still holding on to her jersey while the forward was mindlessly chatting with Ashlyn. Hope just looked down at Kelley’s hand and then quickly looked away. Christen managed to meet Hope’s eyes for a split second and her face twitched. Hope was not going to read into that. She tried so hard not to show any emotion or bring any attention to Kelley’s hand.

When the girls finally approached the mouth of the ditch, which had a steep eight foot drop that the girls had to climb up in order to get on the street. Kelley let go of Hope, who died a little inside at the inevitable absence of her touch.

The girls watched as Hope inserted her foot into holes in the wall and demonstrated to her teammates how to successfully get over. Ashlyn was next, who did with ease and expertise, and then the rest of them followed. Kelley was the last one left. In the faint light of the street lamps along the road, Christen chuckled at the glare that was plastered on Kelley’s face. She was waving the middle finger at all of them.

“C’mon squirrel! Use your jumping abilities that I know you gots!” Christen yelled down teasingly.

"You go it Kell! Don't make me regret taking you through the trio's favorite trek!" Ashlyn called.

“Yeah. C’mon KO!” Tobin cheered.

"To be fair, I haven't taken her this way yet. It's too advanced for the beginner walker." Hope reasoned.

Hope chuckled and watched as the small forward struggled to climb up. Her arms were just not long enough. Hope crouched down and lowered her arm to pull Kelley up, who took it quickly, grateful for the help. Hope ended up pulling with so much force that Kelley was launched too high and as her body made it over the top, Kelley could not stifle the momentum of Hope’s lifting power and fell on top of the goalkeeper. Right on top of her. On the way down, Kelley instinctively put her arms out in front of her to cushion the blow, but they landed right on Hope’s boobs. The forward just prayed that the others didn’t see her blushing face in the dark as she scrambled to get off of the tall girl.

As the girls walked, slowly each girl split from the pack as they reached their respective streets. “Alright you two, see you tomorrow?” Ashlyn called out as she went left and Hope and Kelley went right. The two girls waved goodbye to the blonde and then walked silently down Hope’s street.

It was Hope’s best kept secret that this was her favorite time of the day. It was quiet and the night was soothing. All she would hear was the crickets singing and the sound of her and Kelley’s footsteps on the asphalt. It was relaxing for her. Some days her and Kelley would strike up a conversation, but today they were both in a comfortable bubble of silence. Hope was wracked with exhaustion from their four hour practice after school at the start of the soccer season and she knew that the both of them would not have the energy to keep a conversation.

Eight houses down the street, the two of them turned onto the driveway of Hope’s small two-story house in which Hope lived in with her mom and brother. Hope didn’t even say anything as she waited at the door while Kelley rustled through her own backpack to look for the keys to the front door. The two set their backpacks on the floor and dragged their feet to the kitchen.

“Well, hello you two. I didn’t think you were coming home.” Judy Solo said with a big smile on her face as she overlooked a frying pan that was cooking something that smelled good and sweet.

“It was a long day, Mrs. Sol-”

Judy Solo gave Kelley a warning look.

“It was a long day, Judy.” Kelley offered with a smile.

“Well, I’m glad you two made it in time. Hope, I got called back to work so you and Kelley just have leftovers for tonight. I’m cooking you guys tomorrow’s breakfast because I probably won’t be home in time to see you, sweetie.” Hope kissed her mom on the cheek and smiled as she saw blueberry pancakes in the pan.

“Thank you so much!” Kelley squealed and wrapped her arms tightly around Judy.

“Of course, Kell” She said as she gave her daughter’s friend an extra squeeze as she hugged back. Out of all of Hope’s friends, she always made sure to give Kelley an extra squeeze.

 

 

\--

 

 

Kelley led the way up to Hope’s room, and the two unwound for the night in their usual routine. It was the same every night that Kelley stayed with the Solo’s. Four months in, Hope stopped asking if the short girl was going to sleep over. Because more often than not, she was going to, and Hope understood not to press the issue of Kelley’s home life. Plus, their nightly routine was so well established. Kelley always took a shower first and used the spare blue toothbrush that she had claimed months ago, while Hope turned on her TV and streamed a Netflix show. Hope would then shower next, while Kelley watched the second half of the show. Hope would dress into comfortable sleeping clothes in her closet, Kelley would briefly fill her in on what she had missed. The two usually ended the night by climbing out of Hope’s window and onto the roof, where they usually stayed for hours, talking and looking up at the summer moon. Tonight was no different.

When Kelley took her place next to Hope, who was looking out onto the street in front them, she kindly offered, “I love your mom. Seriously, she’s the best. I wish she was my mom.”

Hope snorted. “My mom, freaking loves you. I think she wishes you were her daughter.” Hope said with an edge to her voice, “Seriously, cool it with bringing home tests that you get 105’s on. It’s making me look bad.” She added with a light tone.

“I can’t help it, Solo. I’m just that good.” Kelley said and winked at Hope.

Hope chuckled and playfully shoved Kelley’s shoulder. “Pshhh. Please O’Hara.”

“Hey, don’t be afraid to tell me that I’m awesome, Hope.” Kelley said with a devilish grin. It came off as a challenge. Hope spotted a glint in her friend’s eye. Kelley scooted a little closer and bumped shoulders with Hope playfully.

“You’re alright,” Hope managed to get out and met the girl's gaze for a few seconds.

“Just alright?!? Oh C’mon Hopey!” Kelley said with fake indignation. Kelley pounced on Hope and wiggled her fingers furiously into Hope’s rib cages. The forward knew that she was majorly ticklish and the two squirmed. Hope, to get away, and Kelley to hold on fiercely onto a writhing Hope Solo.

“Please - Kell-” Was all that Hope could gasp out as Kelley picked up the pace of her fingers dancing up and down Hope's rib cage. Hope became utterly useless when being tickled. She managed to get a hold of Kelley’s sides and finally returned the favor. Kelley squealed and now Hope was in control.

“Oh, hey there ladies! I like what I see!” A voice rang through the air. The two girls ceased putting their hands all over each other and looked down from their vantage point from the roof and onto the street to find the source of the voice.

“Ew, Adam. Get a life.” Hope called back at their classmate who looked like he had been out on a run.

“I have one, Solo. But please, don’t let me stop you two. I’ll just be right here. You and O’Hara make a great couple.” The boy said with a smirk. Kelley found a small rock that was on the roof and chucked it in the direction of Adam’s head. The boy easily dodged the flying object.

“Oo! Fiesty! I love it O’Hara. I hope that’s what you’re like in bed!” And he jogged back into his house before Kelley could find another, bigger rock. One that could potentially cause brain damage.

“I hate him.” Hope grumbled.

“Oh, he’s an ass. But he’s just doing it because he has the hots for you.” Kelley said simply.

“Gross.” Hope said as she stuck out her tongue in disgust.

“He’s actually not that bad once you get to know him. Remember that Tobin and I use to hang out with him because he used to play soccer for our club team on the boys side? And that back in the day he was her first boyfriend in middle school? Ya know, before she realized the whole lesbian thing. Anyways, he’s cool.” Kelley offered.

“Well then, maybe you should hit that up and get him off my back.” Hope said with a bite. She tried her hardest not to let the bitterness come out.

“Never! I’m too busy talking to my #1.” Kelley said with a smirk and another wink, making that the second one for the night. Hope’s body tensed up whenever Kelley made statements like that. _Why does Kelley say these things to me?_. Hope just didn’t know what to do when Kelley made those statements that every once in awhile seemed to challenge Hope. And the challenge always laid within Kelley’s stare, daring Hope to respond. Ever since Kelley had broken up with her last boyfriend, she started making these statements that threw Hope off.

“So you want head to bed? It’s going to be a long day tomorrow. Coach is going to make us to do sprints.” Hope said. Kelley nodded in response and the two climbed back into Hope’s room from the window.

The two always fell asleep the same way every night for the past four months since Kelley had become a permanent fixture in the Solo household.

That first night that Kelley had slept over, Hope had been home alone because her mom was at work and her brother at a friend’s, when Kelley came banging at her door.

 

 

\--

 

 

_Four Months Ago_

_Who in the actual fuck is knocking at my door at this time of the night who isn’t a serial killer??_ Hope, timidly peered through the window blinds, semi- hoping that no one was there, but also hoping it wasn’t a ghost. She just saw a short figure bent over. _Wait... that looks a lot like-_

She quickly opened the door to a sobbing Kelley O’Hara. She was gasping for air and hiccoughing every time her sobs would slow down, so she wasn’t able to talk that night. Hope just pulled her friend into her room. The tall goalkeeper stared on like a deer caught in headlights, unsure of how to comfort another human being. She awkwardly gave Kelley a pat on the back, but when that didn’t seem like enough, Hope just sat next to a crying KO, unsure of what to do with her hands and unsure of how to function.

 _Ummmmm.._ Hope cautiously slung her left arm around Kelley’s back and her right arm around Kelley’s neck, pulling off the most awkward, cringe-worthy hug that anyone would be unfortunate to witness. But Kelley didn’t notice. At Solo’s touch, Kelley instantly moved into Hope’s body and nestled there while she cried. _What do I do with my hands?_

The goalkeeper figured that the best course of action would be to stay still. _This seems to be working..._

Hope was trying so hard to not be the robot that she usually was when it came to human emotion, knowing that her long time friend was in some serious need of some comfort. She started to relax after the two shifted in a more comfortable position, with Hope’s back to the headboard and with Kelley nestled into her. It had been an hour until the goalkeeper looked down to see Kelley’s face slackened and small snores emitting from the tiny girl. Solo chuckled at the sight, cursed herself for feeling any emotion, and then groaned when she realized that her bedroom light was still on. She elected to leave it on before she too, drifted to sleep.

 

 

\--

 

 

Nights after that were a little different in that there was no more crying and the physical contact was more subtle. Hope took her usual side of the bed farthest from her window, and then Kelley soon joined her after applying some night cream to her face. Kelley turned the volume down on the TV, but kept it on so that they could fall asleep to the noise. Kelley laid down and turned her head towards Hope, who usually fell asleep looking straight at the ceiling. Kelley grabbed Hope’s left hand and held it with both of her own hands, and nuzzled into Hope’s bicep.

Tonight was no different. By now, Hope had figured that due to Kelley’s situation, she just needed a familiar touch, someone to make her feel safe. Hope stared down at the girl and could see that Kelley’s breathing had slowed and smiled when the girl started to snore lightly. Hope closed her own eyes to fall asleep.

She almost found success, but she heard a phone vibrate on one of the nightstands. Hope carefully picked up the phone, not wanting to wake up Kelley, and realized that it was not her hers when she read the message.

Adam: Hey. Good to know you hang with Hot Solo. Now I can see you and her more :) [12:03am]

Hope slowly put the phone back on the nightstand as she processed what she had read.

_Ew._

 

 

_\--_


	2. Psychological Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh C’mon Solo. You know I try to see the good in people. Plus, why does it matter? Why does HE matter?"
> 
> Hope turned to her friend and stared at her for the longest time.
> 
>  
> 
> _She just doesn’t get it._

\--

 

 

“So..uh..how are things with Kelley?” Ashlyn timidly asked as the two goalkeepers were slowly taping their hands before the team was about to head to the buses to make the drive to the other school’s field for the game.

“Uh..good I guess. She stays with us most nights.” Hope offered as she finished packing up her bag.

“Cool. Has she talked to her parents yet?” Ashlyn cautiously asked.

Hope sighed as she threw her tape and pre-wrap in her bag and with all her belongings.

“Ash-” Hope started with a glare.

“I know. I know. I just care about her. And I know she doesn’t ever want to get serious. But..point is, I care about her, okay?” Ashlyn said quietly as she looked around the locker room, making sure everyone was gone.

“We all care about her.” Hope says quietly.

“Yeah you do!” Ashlyn replies with a wink and a pat to her arm as the two head out.

_I’m ignoring this._

 

 

_\--_

 

 

Ash and Hope made their way out of the gym building and onto the side of the school where the team buses usually loaded up for the coaches to wheel them to whatever school they were playing. Hope inserted her headphones into her ears, ready to start pumping herself up. The two made their way over to the huge crowd of soccer players waiting for the buses to pull around. Out of the thirty or so people wearing the same warm up suits, Hope was still surprised at how easy it was to spot her freckled friend and their usual gang.

Kelley spotted her first and shot her the widest smile as the goalkeepers rolled up. Hope returned the smile, unable to resist.

 _That fucking feeling again._ Hope felt a sort of flutter(?) in her chest.

She held that smile until Kelley pulled an earbud out of one of her ears, killing the slay preparation vibe.

“You know that you can’t be listening to this when I’m wanting to talk to you.” Kelley said quietly with a big smirk. She held onto to the earbud and swung it around, playfully.

“Fine. You win.” Hope begrudgingly said as she took the other one out. She looked up to see Christen narrow her eyes in suspicion for half a second as their eyes met. _I’m ignoring that._

“Are you going to kick some ass today?” Kelley asked as she straightened out Hope’s pullover jacket.

“Are you going to score goals today?” Hope responded as she watched Kelley do her thing.

“Kell - I think Hope’s got it.” Tobin lazily pointed out as the girl continued to pull on Hope.

“Oh, please. You should see her struggle EVERY MORNING to put on her clothes.” Kelley said exasperatedly and with her infamous eye roll.

“I would LOVE to see that, Solo!” a voice rang from behind Hope and Kelley before the keeper felt an arm snake around her shoulder. _Ew._

She already knew who it was before she turned to look down at him and give him the death stare.

“Whoa whoa! Such hostility! I guess I’ll just talk to KO over here. How are you missy?” Adam said as he raised his hand in fake protest and then turned to the freckled girl. Kelley laughed and gave him a ‘hey buddy.’

“Adam, get the fuck out of here. No one likes you.” Christen said with venom. Adam looked at the other forward with a pouting face.

“Pressy, we’re all soccer players, okay? Can we not just get along? Plus, who else is going to lead the cheer section at your guys’ game? It’s not like anyone shows up to see the girls play.”

He was met with loud boos and “oooohs” coming from the boys and girls team alike. Ashlyn grabbed a handle on his matching soccer bag that all of the soccer players had, and threw him out of the group.

“Alright, alright, alright.” he said as he made his way back over to the group of varsity boys. He yelled back, “That was unfair of me. Anyone would come to see that fine ass in between the goal posts!”

“That’s it.” Hope quickly shed the bag from her shoulders and dropped her cell phone on top of it to kick the little shit's ass.  She could hear everyone yell and holler, “Oh Shit! Solo’s going to kick your ass!”

But before she could make it through the throng of soccer players, JV and Varsity alike, Coach Jill yelled out at the goalkeeper.

Hope closed her eyes in frustration, wanting to breath for a moment while she waited for her fists to unclench. Her feet remained still on the ground. Hearing her coach’s voice instantly stopped her body, but her mind was still going 100 miles per hour. She knew that her and Jill found themselves in this situation a lot. Hope getting mad and impulsively acting out her anger, while Jill had to call out to her reckless keeper not to throw out a punch to a forward who came sliding into the box.

“Boys, go line up by the other bus. And Adam,” Jill said as her tone got darker, “You watch that mouth of yours. If I ever hear something like that come from you again, I’ll have a talk with Coach K. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, coach.”

“One more time, and I won’t stop the state’s number one goalkeeper from tearing up all 130 lbs of you. Now, move!” Jill finished and ushered the boy away. His eyes widened with fear and he quickly shuffled away, avoiding the smirking faces of the female players.

“That was so hot, Coach.” Kling said. The whole team laughed as Jill motioned for the girls to board the bus. The coach just gave Hope a pat on the shoulder as the team shuffled in.

Hope took her usual spot at the back of the bus, put her headphones back in, and tried to block out what just happened.

_You know that you can’t do that anymore. You know that you can’t lose your cool. You can’t let people show how easy it is to get to you, to put a psychological hold on you. Jill’s not always going to be there to pull you out._

Hope just closed her eyes, hoping that she could shake the anger off and prepare to get in the zone.

Halfway through the trip, Hope opened her eyes to take in her surroundings, and was surprised that she didn’t even realize that Kelley was sitting next to her. The forward always sat next to her, but it was different this time. Kelley actually left her alone.

“Are you okay?” Kelley whispered. There was music playing through Hope’s headphones, but she could still hear her friend. She sighed.

“Why do you talk to him?” Hope asked as she recalled seeing the text on Kelley’s phone last night. Something about knowing that Kelley communicated with that dickhead rubbed Hope the wrong way. She felt guilty for seeing the text and hiding this knowledge from Kelley, but she sure as hell was not going to tell her that she had read her phone.

“I mean, I don’t really talk to him..” Kelley said defensively.

“Really? Because you guys seemed really chummy after he threw that nasty comment my way.”

Kelley tilted her head and furrowed her brow as she stared at Hope.

“Hey.” Kelley said quietly and with concerned laced all throughout her expression. She pulled out Hope’s earbuds once again. “Are you mad at me?”

The goalkeeper just stared ahead at the back of the head rest in front of her. Brooding.

Kelley wasn’t going to give up. She never did. She grabbed Hope’s bicep and gave it an extra squeeze to get her attention. At this point her whole body was facing Hope and the side of her head rested against the back of her seat as she waited for her friend to respond.

“Stop doing this.” Kelley said with a sigh into Hope’s ear after a few moments without a response. “You’re letting him get to you and you’re taking it out on me.”

“I’m not letting him do shit. It’s just fucking weird that you talk to this dude that I hate and whose life mission is to say THE MOST sexist things. He is literally the most disgusting human being on the planet, and my best friend hangs out with him.” Hope spat out. She let her statement hang in the air.

“So, I’m your best friend?” Hope could literally hear the smirk on Kelley’s face from her tone.

“Kell-”

“Oh C’mon Solo. You know I try to see the good in people. Plus, why does it matter? Why does HE matter?"

Hope turned to her friend and stared at her for the longest time.

_She just doesn’t get it._

 

 

\--

 

 

_Of course, we fucking lost. I can’t position my feet, I can’t concentrate the whole ninety, and our defense is shit when I’m like this._

Hope continued to loop the self-loathing rhetoric through her mind as she walked home through the ditch, after the buses dropped off the players back at their high school. She was thankful that the usual gang that she walked home with were all going to eat at restaurant with their families, an after-game tradition that Hope could never have since her mom always worked nights.

“Can you stop hating on yourself for two seconds and slow down please?” Kelley’s voice broke through the keeper’s thoughts as she felt the forward tug on her jersey. _Oh yeah, Kelley’s here._

“Thank you” Kelley whispered as she waffled her fingers into Hope’s left hand.

_Uhhh..._

Hope stared at their hands holding each other for two seconds, before looking away and continuing to walk. _I’m going to ignore this. It’s always this way with Kelley. She’ll make some unprecedented touchy move, I freak out, and then actively say nothing about it. And then no harm done._

But this was something different. And Hope knew it. _She’s literally holding my hand. As we walk, in semi-public, and not underneath the covers. That’s not something friends do._ Hope was too busy looking everywhere but at Kelley, unable to catch the growing smirk on the forward’s face.

 

 

\--

 

 

“You know that the result wasn’t your fault, right?” Kelley said as the two made way into Hope’s house. Hope just sighed in response and let go of Kelley’s hand.

“Hope. Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out, like I know you’re trying to do right now.” Kelley frustratingly spat out. The goalkeeper just gave the biggest eye roll in response, heated up a hot pocket, and then walked upstairs to her room, too exhausted to talk feelings and engage the forward.

Once Hope had gotten out of the shower and had washed away the bad day, she realized how quiet it was. As she towel dried her hair, she looked at the TV that was usually on, and realized that only one soccer bag was on her floor.

“Kell?” Hope called out downstairs. No response. _Fuck. Where else would she be? She wouldn’t be home..._ She rustled through her bag for her phone. No texts, no calls. The panic in Hope started rising. Kelley has never not told her where she was. And she could count the number of times that Kelley had not slept over at her house on her hand. And those nights, she was just spending the night with Christen.

Hope searched the rest of the house in a panic. She even barged into her brother Marcus’ room to see if Kelley had taken refuge in there.

“She’s not here.” he said in a monotone voice. He didn’t even look up from the TV he was constantly glued to.

After checking every room, twice, Hope went back to her room to grab her phone to call her friend. She was about to press the call button, when she thought she heard Kelley’s dulcet tones. It was coming from outside her window. Hope put down her phone and silently climbed out of her window and onto the roof. No one there.

“You know that you shouldn’t have said any of that, right?” Hope could hear Kelley’s voice from somewhere.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why I came over.” A male’s voice rang out. Hope instantly cringed at the sound. The goalkeeper looked around and realized that Kelley and Adam must have been on her porch, underneath the part of the roof that Hope was standing on. “She knows, I’m just playing right? I mean I seriously didn’t think that it was going to bother her enough to throw her game off. I know how important this season is to you guys, for real.”

“C’mon Adam, how many passes do you think that you, or any boy for that matter, get to be an asshole and not expect the consequences? I know you’re a good dude, but you insist on pulling this shit.” Hope heard Kelley snort.

“I know KO, I know. Can you just tell her I stopped by?”

“Sure, dude.” Kelley said. Hope heard the rustle of clothes and envisioned that Adam was getting up to leave.

“Oh, by the way. How is everything with your parents? Have you talked to them recently?”

“No. Still nope. I don’t foresee me talking to them really ever again.” Kelley sadly said.

“What about your siblings? Erin and Jerry? You talk to them?”

“Yeah, mostly Erin just texts me, but since she’s in college, I don’t see her much anyways. I think she has other things to worry about. More things going on for her in life. I’m pretty sure she has no idea what’s going on. And Jerry, I love him. He texts me goodnight every night. I didn’t expect that from him at all.”

“Yeah, he’s a cool little dude. I love coaching his team. He seems like he’s going to be a great kid.” Adam said quietly. “Uh.. the other night, at practice, I saw your dad when he came to pick him up...”

Hope could feel the uneasiness all the way from where she silently stood. She tried her best not to make a noise. She felt guilty, yet intrigued to hear Kelley talk about her family.

“He uh.. Asked me if I had talked to you recently.”

“Yeah, and what did you say?” Kelley asked slowly.

“Nothing. I just told him that I see you in History class and that I haven’t really kept up with you. He’s worried, ya know.”

“Adam, he’s the fucking worst, okay? He kicks me out after I did NOTHING WRONG, and then i’m supposed to feel bad when he acts like a pathetic puppy dog, wondering which curb he kicked his daughter to?”

_I didn’t know that Adam and Kelley were so close. Also, I didn’t know that it was her dad that kicked her out. Why hasn’t she told me any of these things?_

“If you need someone to talk to.. I’m here ya know. I’m not going to judge you, or even pretend to know what you’re going through. But i’m always here to help. ” Adam said. Hope was surprised at the genuineness of his voice. She didn’t hear Kelley respond and could only imagine her response.

“I’m sure you parents will come around. Anyways, I gotta head back. Tell Solo I stopped by and that I’m an asshole.”

Hope quietly retreated back into her room as she saw Adam’s figure get smaller and smaller as he retreated back into his house. She quickly walked her way to her dad’s old workshop in the backyard, thinking over what she had just heard. It was her safe space, where she would go to when she needed to be by herself and think. It was a place that she also felt connected to her dad. As she started gathering her usual tools, she could feel the sadness of the day roll into her body like waves. If she was being truthful to herself, the whole conversation she had just heard was such a surprise. For one, because despite being Kelley’s supposed best friend, she couldn’t believe that after four months, she still didn’t know the full story as to why Kelley got kicked out. And two, it seemed like Kelley had more of a deep connection with someone that Hope despised. _Why doesn't she talk to me about these things?_ This made her feel...small. And she couldn’t quite face Kelley right now.

 

 

\--

 

 

She was halfway through the billionth birdhouse she has built in this shop when she heard the door open. She didn’t even turn around to see who it was. She could feel Kelley stand a feet behind her.

“What is it, Kelley?” She continued to sand down some wood. No response. She slowly turned around. The sight broke her heart.

Kelley stood there with tears rolling down her face. Hope quickly brought the girls into her arms, cradling her head in one hand, and her other pulling Kelley in close by her back.

“What’s going on? What is it, Kell?” Hope asked as she cradled the girl.

“Please, please, talk to me.” Hope could feel the warmth of Kelley’s body on hers and she could feel her shake as the tears rolled silently down her face.

“Is it about your family?” Hope whispered softly. Kelley nodded.

“Do you want me to take you to them?” Kelley vigorously shook her head.

“No, Hope. I want to stay here with you.” And Kelley further nuzzled into Hope’s chest and tightened her embrace around Hope’s back. The goalkeeper’s chest squeezed tight at the statement.

“Then please talk to me. Please.” Hope pleaded as she pulled away slightly to get a look at her friend’s face. Hope could see the millions of thoughts that ran through Kelley’s face as she wiped the trail of tears away. She could see the hesitation in her face. “Look, I don’t ever want to pressure you, if you’re not ready. I just...want you to know that you can talk to me.”

Kelley just hung her head. Hope sighed in small disappointment. She slowly stepped back, deciding that her friend probably needed a little more space. She sat down on her stool and put a feet in between them to give her just that. She didn't want to pressure Kelley even more.

“No! Please don’t be mad at me! It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you or that I don’t trust you! I’m just not ready yet..” Kelley cried even more as she realized that Hope had pulled away from her. She instantly closed the distance between them and threw her arms around Hope’s neck.

“It’s okay squirrel, I got y-”

Hope was interrupted by Kelley’s lips smothering her own. No sign, no warning. At least that was how Hope perceived it.

But just as quickly as Kelley’s lips had landed on hers, Kelley was pulling away. Hope wasn’t even able to register what had happened before Kelley was looking back at her with wide eyes.

“H-Hope, I’m so-” The forward couldn’t complete her sentence as she internally freaked out. Her chest was beating wildly and the hands that she pulled away from her best friend were shaking.

“Kell-” Hope’s heart was beating just as fast as she watched Kelley sprint out the door.

She took two seconds to register what happened, before she sprinted after her.

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. Question Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope threw back her head in exhaustion and regret. She stood there as she ran her tongue along the front of her teeth and clenched her jaw. She was a robot when it came to emotion, but even SHE knew that THAT crossed the line.

\--

 

 

Once Hope threw open the back door to her house, she saw that the front one was wide open.

_Fuck. Kelley. Is. Fast._

The keeper lunged through the kitchen and the living room, bursting through the doorway, hoping to catch a sight of Kelley. She jogged down to the bottom of her driveway, and looked right and left, and every direction for that matter.

 _Can I get a squirrel sighting? Squirrel sighting? Squirrel sighting?_ Hope was bouncing on her feet, trying to spot a glimpse of Kelley.

And there it was. It was just a glimpse. A tiny, fast-moving shoe that Hope spotted running onto the main street around the corner for a split second. But, it was Kelley’s shoe. Hope could spot it anywhere. No one else would rock an obnoxious highlighter yellow Under Armour with O’HARA stitched onto it. Hope sprinted like only Hope Yolo could.

“Kelley!” Hope shouted as she got to her street corner. From the distance, she could see the tiny figure in the dark because she was still wearing their white training shirt and the reflectives on her neon shoes would shine bright against the light of the street lamps. Kelley quickly stopped and then made a sharp left into what looked like the...

_What the fu..the ditch Kelley? Really?_

Hope sprinted the rest of the way there, in a time probably a lot less impressive than Kelley’s. The keeper was breathing heavily when she got to the side of the ditch and the sweat was already starting to form on her brow. _Fuck, I just showered._ She wiped it away and climbed down into the ditch.

When Hope’s feet touched the ground, she instantly spotted her friend who was shaking her head furiously and her face was cradled into her hands, her chest heaving, and tears flowing in a steady stream.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Please! I can’t talk about this!” Kelley pleaded as she realized that Hope had found her. Kelley turned to face away from Hope and walked further into the ditch. Hope slowed her steps towards Kelley, reassured that she wasn’t going to break out into a race again.

“Kell, Look-” But Hope was cut off, when Kelley quickly turned to face her.

“No! I’m sorry! I don’t know what got into me, okay? I’m just emotional, and we lost the game, and I’ve just been all screwed up in the head. A- And And-”

“Okay, it’s okay K-”

“Please leave me alone. Please. Please” Kelley pleaded in a small voice as she cried into her shirt and covered her face with her hand. She was sobbing uncontrollably and her whole body was shaking. Hope slowly kept approaching her friend, not wanting to scare her away, but Kelley put out a hand on Hope’s chest to hold her at arm’s length.

At the sensation of Kelley’s touch, Hope stopped suddenly, unsure of what to do. Because quite frankly, when it came to Kelley, Hope never knew what to do. She usually just blindly followed Kelley’s lead when it came to affection and conversation, or just avoided it all together. And if Kelley wasn’t going to lead, Hope’s plan was just to wing it. _I have no fucking clue how to wing this._

“Please, Hope. I just I can’t handle this right now. I can’t take your usual indifference, tonight, okay? Please.” Kelley’s voice started to get quieter and quieter and it cracked as she tried to formulate the words.

Not that Hope was smiling, but at that statement, her face fell. Along with the heart that she supposedly had.

It was a good thirty seconds before any of them spoke again.

“What do you mean, my indifference?” Hope said quietly and sadly as she grabbed and held Kelley’s hand that was on her chest. She waited as the forward wiped her face, and calmed herself down.

“Hope, please I don’t want to do this with you, tonight.”

“Well, I do.” Hope quickly pushed. And then, Kelley let out an exasperated laugh.

“Now you want to talk to me? Now? The Queen of shutting people out wants to talk to me? Now when I ask you not to?!” Kelley said forcefully. Hope quickly let go of Kelley’s hand, detecting the shift in the mood.

She realized that she had a decision to make. _I can make this better, or I can make this worse._

_Fuck it._

“Are you serious, Kell?! I’m here, sprinting after you like a fucking maniac, wondering what’s wrong with my best friend! How does that make me indifferent? I’m here, aren’t I?!”

“I didn’t ask you to!” Kelley yelled back.

“Oh-fucking-kay Kelley.” Hope exasperatedly responded as she rolled her eyes.

“This is what I’m fucking talking about! Your non-committal responses, or worse your LACK OF responses when I try to talk to you or-or do anything with you! Whenever I do anything of significance you act like nothing just happened!“

“Kell, what are you talking about?! I listen to you everyday! I spend literally almost every minute of my day with you from when I wake up and the seconds before I fall asleep! And I always listen and talk to you! Even when I'm wanting to isolate myself from the world, I still talk to you. And when you came to my doorstep months ago, how was that indifference! I listened to you then, and I’m listening to you now! Okay? And my family and I have taken you in when you’ve been at your lowest with your family! And don’t get me wrong, not me, nor my family regret it, because we know that our home life is so much more happier now that you’re there. But how in the world am I being indifferent to you?!” Hope yelled.

Kelley groaned in frustration. “I know that Hope! I know that I owe you and your family the world, and I know that I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to repay you guys okay?”

“Listen, I didn’t say that to make you feel bad or that you owe me something-”

“I know! I just. I just. Look, I love your family for taking me in. And I know that you have been the best human being on the planet for me, four months ago, and still now. I just-. I can’t handle when you let me in and then shut me out. Fucking whiplash Hope! When the conversation gets tough, you always ignore me. Like today, when I asked you about Adam, or when I’m trying to talk to you about the game. These are things that obviously have a huge effect of you, and all I want to do is help you.”

Hope just shook her head in disbelief that she chose this path in the conversation.

“You see! This is why I didn’t want to do this with you tonight! Why do you want me to talk, when all you do is avoid me when I try to get you to open up?” Kelley spat out.

“You know, that’s really fucking rich, coming from you. The girl who has yet to tell anyone why her parents kicked her out.”

Even before she finished her sentence, Hope knew that she was going to regret that.

“Fuck you.”

Kelley looked straight into Hope’s eyes as she delivered that statement slowly, and with force. The forward quickly brushed past her, back towards the street.

Hope threw back her head in exhaustion and regret. She stood there as she ran her tongue along the front of her teeth and clenched her jaw. She was a robot when it came to emotion, but even SHE knew that THAT crossed the line. _Why did I do this? You know that wasn't necessary. You know that you're job is to be there for her no matter what._

She jogged back towards Kelley.

“Kell, wait.” Hope pleaded softly as she grabbed her friend’s hand to turn her around. Kelley quickly swatted it away. Hope wasn't going to give up this time. She blocked Kelley's walking path and stuck her arm out and placed her hand on the wall of the ditch, right in front of Kelley, like a turnstile prohibiting any further movement.

“WHAT, Hope?” Kelley said, the frustration apparent on her face.

“I’m sorry.” Hope said softly and genuinely. “I know that was messed up. I-I was just hurt.” Hope said sadly.

“Why? Why are YOU hurt?” Kelley poked Hope in the chest.

“Be-Because.”

“Because, WHAT?”

_I fucking hate winging it._

“Because you’d rather talk to a fucking prick whose life mission is to become a watered down version of Donald Trump, then talk to me! Okay? It fucking HURTS to hear that your dad kicked you out, and to know that that information wasn’t meant for me.” Hope’s voice cracked. She blinked away her tears as she looked away from Kelley.

The two stood there silently while the exhaustion, the sadness, and the regret settled in.

The forward slowly moved closer and looked up at Hope’s face with a softness and a broken heart that was not there before.

“I’m really sorry that I haven't told you.” She said as she cupped the keeper’s face in her hands.

“It’s fine. Whatever.”

“No. It’s not. Hope, I just-. Can you please believe me when I say that you would be the first person I would tell? Okay? Adam knows because.... it’s complicated. I would tell you now if I could.”

“Why can’t you? I’m right here." Hope passionately asked, "I’m not going to go anywhere, Kell. And I care about you. So much. I just don’t understand why you think that you can’t come to me about something that is obviously affecting you.” She searched for an answer in Kelley’s eyes, which were full of sadness and hesitation.

“Why, Kell?” Hope pleaded softly. Kelley bit her lip while she paused, thinking over if it was the best course of action to answer Hope's burning question.

“Because of what you’re doing to me. Right now.” Kelley responded quietly, yet forcefully. Her eyes never left Hope’s. And if Hope wasn’t mistaken, she could see a small familiar glimmer of a challenge in the forward’s eyes.

She made it her life’s mission not to break away from Kelley’s gaze. _Yep, that’s definitely an O’Hara challenge._ Hope’s mind was racing 100 mph again for the second time today. Her heart was beating fast, her stomach was acting up the way it does when she’s nervous, and she’s pretty sure that she was shaking. There was a long pause before Hope spoke up again.

“I’m not going to be indifferent. So what am I doing to you, right now?” Hope asked slowly and deliberately, still not taking her eyes off of Kelley. There faces were a mere four inches away from each other as Hope instinctively leaned in to get the answer.

“This!” Kelley yelled as she shook her head and waved her hand up and down Hope like it was self-explanatory. “You’re making me.......question everything.” Kelley breathed out the last two words.

Hope’s eyes blinked rapidly over and over. She could read Kelley’s face and know that she couldn’t ignore this. This was it. This summed up every little moment, touch, and conversation with Kelley O’Hara for the past four months (their whole friendship, really).

Hope took a small shuffle towards Kelley and gulped down some air, hating that she was just about to wing it. Kelley’s eyes followed Hope’s feet and then back up at her again, her eyes wide with disbelief that Hope was taking on her challenge. For once.

Hope’s left hand cupped Kelley’s face, while her other hand pulled her in by the waist. She did this surprisingly smooth and she was actually pretty impressed with herself when she stared straight into Kelley’s eyes. And there was a pause. The most glorious of pauses. It was when Hope decided to kick her ass into gear, it was when Kelley decided that all of this, the past four months and the destruction of her family, was worth it.

Hope hesitantly leaned her head to the left and closed her eyes slowly. She could feel the heat from Kelley’s body getting warmer, signaling that she too was leaning in. And then, the soft skin of Hope’s lips barely, just barely grazed Kelley’s and hovered there for a moment. Hope had to pull back once again, a die hard habit of hers before she was about change the course of their friendship.

“Hope, just kiss me.” Kelley said in a frustrated whisper. Hope flashed the most genuine grin, grateful for the much needed permission, she was almost about to cry.

The goalkeeper leaned in now with more confidence and with a lingering smile. Her lips were in the same exact position as before when-

_SNAP!_

“SHIT!” a hushed voice came off from the distance.

Kelley instantly jumped back.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?” Kelley screamed/whispered. It came out as mostly a squeak. She met Hope’s widened eyes.

“Hope, did you just hear someone...”

_Oh fuck._

The goalkeeper and the forward sprinted for their life up out of the ditch and back in the direction of Hope’s house, too scared to look back.

 

 

\--

 

 

Tobin flew down the hallway dodging the many students in her way. She was on a mission.

“MOVE Freshman!” She said as she shoved some poor kid who probably weighed 100 lbs and was half of Tobin’s height. She was zooming down the halls on her penny board with a large coffee in one hand. She had just passed the wood shop room when she heard a booming voice that made her almost drop her coffee as she skidded to a halt.

“Ms. Heath! What did I say about that damn skateboard of yours?!” came the shrill voice of her English teacher.

“Uh.. that it was a death machine on wheels?” Tobin said with a guilty smile as she raised her hands in surrender.

“Good. Now WALK. And take off that hat, it’s disrespectful” Her teacher ordered.

Tobin quickly walked and pulled off her snapback, appeasing her teacher. She saw the teacher retreat back into her room. Tobin put her hat back on, backwards, hopped on her board and wheeled away with her middle finger in the air. She pushed along all the way across the school to the girls’ locker room. When she reached the last stretch, Coach Jill spotted her and gave a disapproving shake to her head, but with a small smile.

“You’re going to break an ankle, Tobs.” She said as she watched her care-free midfielder wheel down the hallway.

“Yes, coach, but I brought you a coffee.” Tobs said as she slowed her roll and handed Jill the cup in her hand. Jill paused for a moment before taking the cup, gave an approving nod, and then walked on muttering the word ‘brilliant’. Tobin gave herself an internal thumbs up and then wheeled her way to the door of the locker room. She sprinted the rest of the way to the end of the room to the soccer cage.

“ASH!” Tobin yelled at the sight of the platinum blonde keeper rummaging through her locker.

“Agh! What, Tobin?!” Ashlyn said as she rubbed her chest, no doubt from the scare Tobin frequently gave her.

“Oh boy, do Christen and I have some shit to tell you!” Tobin said excitedly as she rubbed her hands together. That piqued Ashlyn’s interest.

“Alright. Tobs. What is it?” Ashlyn said with a smile, interested as she crossed her arms and leaned in, ready for her mind to be blown.

“Well, I gotta wait for Christen...” Tobin said slowly. Ash just stood there with the biggest annoyed face.

“Get out of here, Toby. You just ruined my day.” Ash said as she waved Tobin off and walked back to her locker.

“No no no! I’ll tell you. This is too juicy to wait for Chris.” Tobin said as she sat on the benches in the soccer cage. "Sit down.” she ordered Ashlyn.

“Okay, you know how my moms brought me and Chris back from Olive Garden before you and Ali left?” She waited for Ashlyn to nod.

“Alright, well I’m so glad we left early because when my moms was pulled over on the side of the street to get the mail, I spotted KO sprinting down the street. And at first, I was like 'KO’s crazy, why would she be running after a full ninety, right?'" Again, she waited for Ash to nod and reaffirm that she was with her.

“But then, Kell jumped into the ditch. And you and I know that that girl would never do that. So I watched for a little bit, and then I saw Solo jump into the ditch after her. At that point, I had gotten Chris’ attention and then made some excuse to my mom about us wanting to walk the rest of the way home. And honestly, my mom gave me this weird ass wink and then didn’t ask another question. I don’t know, she’s weird.” Tobin waved off the fact that she had just remembered about last night.

“Anyway, so Chris and I are so pumped to scare Yolo and squirrel and I’m whispering to her to be quiet as I lead her into the huge grass patch. Ya know, where I was when you guys pissed your pants that one night? Well, let’s just say Tobin is wild like that, and often frequents the wild grass when walking to school, so I know my way around. Soooo... you won’t BELIEVE what we witnessed man!” Tobin yelled excitedly.

“Well c’mon man, spit it out! Don’t leave me hanging!” Ash said as she swatted Tobin’s arm.

“Ow! Anyways, so we were about to jump out and scream like wild animals until I noticed that KO was bawling her eyes out, saying some shit like ‘I don’t want do this right now’ or ‘I don't know what got into me’ or some shit like that. She kept telling Solo that she didn’t wan’t to talk about this. ‘This’ - Chris and I had no idea what they were talking about. And then KO was like ‘You never open up to me, you’re the queen of shutting people out’ and then Solo was like ‘ You don’t tell me shit! You told Donald Trump that you’re dad kicked you out.”

“W-w-wait. Donald Trump?” Ashlyn asked with her brow furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah, I didn’t get that part, either. Anyways, Solo was like ‘Why can’t you tell me anything? Why can’t you talk to me about why you’re not living with your parents? I’m your best friend.'” Tobin took a deep breath, needing a break from the long story she had just unraveled.

“And then, get this,” Tobin said as she lowered her voice and the looked around, double checking that the locker room still empty. “KO was all like ‘Because you’re making me feel something right now’ and then it got all quiet and the tension was THICK, Ash. And Solo was like ‘What am i making you feel?’ and then OHMYGOSH Ash, OHMYGOSH, THOSE TWO ALMOST KISSED YO!!” Tobin squealed excitedly.

“NO WAY! Wait- almost?” Ashlyn said as her excitement started to die down.

“Yeah yeah, so when the two were about to lock lips, Chris stumbled in the grass and scared the two away. And quite possibly, ruined the best moment of my life. I still haven’t forgiven her for that yet.” Tobin said bitterly. At that moment, Christen Press walked into the soccer cage.

“Oh my god Chris! Could you not have picked the worst moment?” Ash yelled at the forward. Chris’ eyes grew wide at keeper’s words thrown at her so aggressively, but then drew narrow in suspicion.

“YOU TOLD HER? WITHOUT ME?!?” She pointed at Tobin, who just mumbled something incoherent. Christen redirected her attention to Ashlyn.

“Oh my god, so you guys know that this means right?” Christen said, pulling a 180 on her emotions, now squealing in delight that she could talk about this information with her three best friends.

“It means that Hope will finally get some” Tobin cheekily offered, earning a solid high-five from Ashlyn, and another one from Christen, who had to think about it for a second before she decided it was definitely worth a high five.

“Dudes, it also means, that big bad HS has fallen for the MOST ADORABLE little squirrel!” Ashlyn said and the three simultaneously let out delighted squeals, freaking out the little unnamed freshman player who was dropping off their soccer bag.

“Yes, and it also means that Kelley will stop having to pine over Hope. I mean seriously, do you guys ever just watch those two? They’re like a married couple.” Christen scoffed. The three friends laughed and enjoyed the news that their best friends had finally made it semi-happen.

“Dude, not going to lie, you missed out. It was like watching a fucking drama on Netflix! It was like the L Word all over again! It was also so hot!” Christen excitedly offered.

“...Whoa whoa Pressy.... I didn’t realize that you tuned into the sapphic genre on Netflix?” Ashlyn said genuinely surprised.

“Oh please, I would totally bang Hope.” Christen said simply as she waved Ashlyn off, who quickly glanced at her other friend to see her reaction.

“Really? Yolo? Why?” Ashlyn asked intrigued.

“Uh, because she’s like this super tall brick wall with chiseled abs and baby blue eyes who looks like she’s about to devour you. Duh." Christen said simply. “Plus, she pulls this whole brooding, misunderstood, chip-on-her-shoulder bit that would make any girl like me and Kelley swoon. She's like the bad boy that you want to make good.”

“Wow, well that’s a well-thought out assessment, Pressy.’ Tobin said with a little bite that Ashlyn could detect.

“Oh, please. And you guys are telling me that you wouldn’t go for HS?” Christen said in disbelief as the three chatted on the benches.

Ashlyn snorted. “Personally, I love Hopester. I’m not blind, girl is hot. But.. she just does not do it for me!” Ashlyn said disappointingly. “For me, Solo’s too harsh. I don’t know, plus she’s just not my type.” she said simply.

“So what is your type Ms. Harris?” Christen asked with a mischievous grin. Ashlyn blushed.

“I don’t know. Someone nice. Someone sweet, has a pretty laugh, pretty smile. You know...” She shyly offered.

“Totally. I could never see you with Hope. You guys are too similar. You being a lot more approachable, of course. You're more suited with someone whose name starts with an A and rhymes with Ali.” Tobin says playfully as the three laugh.

“Well, what about you, Tobs? What’s your type?” Ashyln said, staring square in her the midfielder’s eyes, who looked like she was about to kill her for a split second.

“Ya know, Ash. Just. Ya know.” Tobin said nervously laughing.

“No. I don’t know, Tobs.” Tobin Heath scratched the back of her neck, a nervous tick of hers.

“Ya know. Someone nice. Someone sweet, pretty laugh, pretty smile...” she said cheekily. The keeper just swatted at her arm playfully while Christen got up to put her soccer bag in her locker.

“Wait, wait, wait, Pressy. We're not done here. So are you telling me that you like girls....?” Ashlyn said carefully. Christen shot out from behind the door to her locker and shrugged.

“Yeah, pretty much.” She said and then went back to unpacking her stuff into her locker.

Ashlyn shot Tobin the widest grin.

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright people! Lost of dialogue, I know. Anyways, I'm thinking weekly updates? Let me know if you think I should continue this. Also, while you wait for the next update, hit up my other fic 'I can't do this anymore'


	4. Disappointed Daughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wasn’t sure if it was in that split second in time, or if that decision was made four months ago, but she knew.

\--

 

 

Hope’s feet pounded the asphalt as she turned onto her street, trailing behind Kelley by a good twenty yards. She finally slowed her pace as she rounded the corner, and glanced over her shoulder, wanting to see if the serial killer was following them. The street was empty except for the cars parked in the road. She let out a breath of relief. She slowly jogged to catch up to the forward who was already at the front door.

“We’re good!” She gave a thumbs up before she doubled over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. When her breathing started to level out, Hope decided to stay in her position a little longer, feigning exhaustion. She could see Kelley standing on her porch, nervously fidgeting with her shirt while she waited for Hope. The keeper’s nerves started to kick in when she walked over to her front door after spending a ridiculous amount of time to ‘catch her breathe.’

Hope led the way in and awkwardly closed the door behind Kelley as her mind raced through all that had happened tonight. She stood there a second too long as she tried to decide how to act around the forward.

“So...um..” Kelley said when she noticed that Hope still had not taken a step from the door. She didn’t know that the keeper was secretly wishing that Kelley would not say anything. Hope didn’t want to talk about it. The confidence that she had pulled out of her ass before she had almost kissed Kelley had completely vanished, and now the lamp in her living room shone bright on her like those used in a police interrogation, exposing all of her. Hope Solo did not like that feeling.

“What are you guys doing? Fucking weirdos. It’s, like midnight. You children should be in bed.” Marcus said. Hope and Kelley looked up to see that he was stuffing his wallet into his back pocket and grabbed his house keys. He walked out of the house, while the pair watched him in bewilderment of his hypocrisy, and for the fact that he had just walked into an awkward situation. Hope moved aside to let him out, wishing that he would stay and save her from being alone with Kelley.

“I’m gonna shower.” Kelley said quietly and went upstairs without looking back. Hope sighed with relief.

 

 

\--

 

 

Hope could hear the shower running as she removed the semi-soiled clothes that she had just put on an hour before. She elected to re-shower in the morning and threw her clothes in the direction of her closet. Hope turned off the lights and slipped underneath the covers quickly. She laid still while the events of the night replayed over and over in her mind.

_Kelley told me to kiss her. I mean, that means she...likes me...right? I mean..I guess that means I like her too? I mean, she’s cute. Adorable. Okay, she’s fucking adorable, I want to put her in my pocket. But, since when does Kell like girls? Does she even like girls?.... Do I even like girls..?_

Hope heard the shower turn off and her body tensed. She closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She could hear Kelley shuffle throughout her room, going in and out of her closet, where Kelley had pretty much taken ownership of over 75% of closet acreage. The forward let out a big sigh, one that carried all the way into Hope’s ear and into her conscious. Hope could detect the disappointment in it.

The keeper cautiously opened her left eye slowly, scared that Kelley would catch her feigning sleep. She gulped hard when she took in the sight ahead of her. Even in the darkness, she could see Kelley’s naked torso made visible by the moonlight creeping in through the window. She laid unnaturally still as she observed the forward pull on a sports bra over her exposed breasts. She took in the sight with a mixture of awe and guilt, not really sure if she was allowed to see what she just saw.

_Okay, so I definitely like boobs._

Kelley slowly lifted the covers of the bed and slipped in. She took one look at hope and noticed the her eyes were shut, but that Hope’s body was way tense and rigid for her to really be asleep.

“Hope?” Kelley softly whispered.

No response. Kelley sighed again. She would deal with this later.

Exhaustion took over and the forward’s eyelids began to droop. It hit her rather suddenly, and Kelley, quite frankly, was glad that her mind and body were to weak to ruminate over the game-changing kiss that almost semi-happened just an hour ago. Because, she knew that if she thought about it, she would have been too embarrassed to sleep next to her best friend, in the only bed that she could claim in this world right now.

Kelley was in sleep limbo, the in-between of unconsciousness and consciousness, when she felt Hope’s calloused hand tenderly reach for hers. She felt Hope waffle her fingers and then a small squeeze, which signaled a promise. A promise that everything was going to be okay, and that they would have the conversation soon. But not tonight. The two drifted to sleep, hand in hand.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Hope’s eyes shot open, five minutes before her alarm. The sudden break from her slumber came as a result from the rapidly vanishing remnant of a memory of a dream in which Hope had woken up to an empty bed. She looked over at the little squirrel cuddled next to her, and smiled at the sight.

_Good, she’s still here._

Kelley’s face was half buried into her pillow, half into Hope’s shoulder. The forward’s mouth was wide open, letting out impressive snores, and an even more impressive amount of drool. Hope ran her fingers through Kelley’s hair to tame the cute flyaway hairs and tried her best to count the little freckles that dusted Kelley’s skin.

As the count of her freckles got higher, Hope’s heartbeat started to quicken. She had no idea what was going on with her body. But she figured that it had to do something with the small girl in front of her.

Then, Hope made the decision.

She wasn’t sure if it was in that split second in time, or if that decision was made four months ago, but she knew.

She was all in.

 _For whatever, this is, I’m all in. How can I not be?_ Hope bravely kissed Kelley’s cheek on the surface dangerously close to the her lips, intentionally missing it, not wanting to rob their actual first kiss from Kelley. She then quickly jumped out of the bed and into the shower before their alarm went off.

 

 

\--

 

 

“I swear, how does someone mess up putting on a t-shirt?” Kelley said, shaking her head as she pulled Hope’s inside-out shirt over her shoulders. The forward did her best to hide the fact that she was just gifted a glorious view of Hope’s abs.

“I don’t know.” Hope grumbled and let Kelley slip on the piece of clothing on, correctly. They were about to head out the door when Kelley had spotted the tag on the outside of her clothing.

“Seriously, what would you do without me?” Kelley said with a smirk. Her hands lingered and she held onto the ends of Hope’s t-shirt. The keeper just shrugged, playfully.

“I don’t know. I’d probably just be topless all the time since I don’t know how to put my clothes on, apparently.” Hope said, fully aware of the meaning behind her jest. Kelley just smiled in response, appreciative and seriously turned on by Hope’s unusual responsiveness to her banter. Hope smiled back, unable to resist the O’Hara charm.

“Thank you.” Kelley said softly, not breaking the intense eye contact.

“For what?” Hope responded, equally as quiet. It was almost a whisper. She grabbed Kelley’s hands that were still holding onto her shirt, and held on to them.

Kelley looked down at her hands in surprise. She was surprised that Hope was actually initiating physical contact. Surprised that Hope had not broken eye contact. Surprised that Hope was just..different. Attentive. Kelley was not expecting this version of Hope Solo this morning.

“For....this.” Kelley responded. Hope understood.

The pair made their way out of the house to begin their daily commute to school. They walked in silence, both lost in their own thoughts of each other. Kelley was about to round the street corner when a car horn honked obnoxiously behind them, scaring Hope.

“HOT SOLO! Hop in!” Adam shouted from the front seat of his car as her drove up next to them. Annoyed as ever, Hope stuck her earbuds into her ear.

“Adam...” Kelley said in warning tone. Kelley moved closer to Hope in a protective manner, a move that Hope took notice of.

“Alright. I’m sorry, Solo. Can I drive you ladies to school on this fine morning? I’m waving the white flag.” Adam said as he waved an imaginary flag out the window of his car.

Hope gave him the middle finger paired with a big smile as a response and moved faster along the road, while Kelley struggled to keep up.

“Okay, Solo. I’m really sorry about yesterday. It was a dick move. I shouldn’t have said any of that shit.” Adam said quietly.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have!” Hope yelled back.

“I know, I know. I didn’t mean to screw things up! I’m really sorry, Hope! I was telling Kelley here how I know fucked up. I didn't think that my words would actually hurt you and affect you performance.” He said.

“You know what, Adam? I hope you’re not thinking that you mean THAT MUCH to me that you think you can affect my game or something? It was a good team, and you mean absolute SHIT to me.” Hope said with finality.

“You see, O’Hara, that’s why Solo doesn’t get laid!” Hope heard Adam yell out through her earbuds.

“Adam, fucking go!” Kelley yelled back and pointed down the street. The tires on Adam’s jeep screeched as the boy slammed on the gas out of anger, and bolted down the street at an alarmingly illegal speed.

Kelley cautiously trailed behind the goalkeeper, sensing the anger that seemed to radiate from her body. She timidly tugged at Hope’s shirt.

The keeper immediately stopped in her tracks. Hope’s posture and expression softened as the forward scooted closer to her, and in one confident swoop, she grabbed Kelley’s hand and continued walking, looking straight ahead. She missed the growing smirk on the forward’s face as she looked down at their fingers laced into each other.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Hey Superstar!” Christen Press said after she nudged Kelley on the shoulder while the two walked in the direction to their respective third class of the day.

“KO!” Tobin yelled on the opposite side of Kelley when she caught up with the other two.

“Sup, guys.”

“How are you this fine morning, KO?” Christen said with a wide grin that definitely reached her eyes.

“You two are awfully excited today. What’s up?” Kelley said with a raised eyebrow.

“We are just happy to see our favorite squirrel. Can we not be excited to see you??” Christen asked. “How was your night after the game?”

“Yeah, how was your night last night?” Tobin yapped excitedly.

“Uhhh. Fine I guess...sucked that we lost. By the way, Chris can I borrow your Stats homework? I didn’t do it last night...” Kelley said.

“So, why didn’t you do your homework last night?” Christen responded, a little too quickly, and excitedly.

“Uhh. I don’t know. I was just tired. Didn’t get around to it, I guess...” Kelley responded with a shrug of her shoulders.

“So what did you and Yolo do after the game?” Tobin asked.

“The usual...I guess...”

“Nothing special?” Christen pressed.

“.....Since when do you two care? Whatever, you’re being weird. I will see you after lunch...” Kelley said and walked up the stairs to her next class in a much quicker pace. She heard the warning bell when she got to the landing and jogged down the hall, not wanting to earn her 5th tardy already for the semester.

When she rounded the corner, her heart skipped a beat when she saw Hope leaning on the lockers across the door of her English class, looking in every direction. The goalkeeper broke out into a wide grin when she caught sight of Kelley.

“Hey, what are you doing here...? Isn’t Simpson’s class like, all the way on the other side of the school..?” Kelley asked confusedly.

Hope shrugged her shoulders in response. “Just wanted to see if you would want to skip with me? Like old times?” She asked with a smirk.

 _How could I not?_ Kelley thought as she grabbed Hope’s outstretched hand.

 

 

\--

 

 

“You know, I should not be enjoying the fact that my daughter is skipping school to have lunch with me..” Judy Solo said as she excitedly hugged Hope from behind.

“Yes, but we never see you Judy! You should tell your boss to stop making you work nights.” Kelley said with a pout before taking a huge bite into her burger. “By the way, thank you SO much for the grub!” Kelley managed to spit out with her mouth full as she gave her second mom a big hug.

“Oh no problem, sweetie. I’m just happy that I get to see my two favorite daughters. Now, don’t you dare blabbing to the other moms that I’m encouraging this behavior. Because for the record...I’m not." Judy said simply.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to see the game last night, you two. Did you do good?” The mother directed the question to her biological daughter. Hope lowered her head and gave her mother no verbal response. Judy seemed to understand the physical cues of Hope’s body and gave her daughter a kiss on the top of her head, which Hope reciprocated with a long embrace, and changed the subject.

That little moment didn’t go unnoticed by Kelley. The simple gesture of affection and silent understanding of how to soothe her child, touched Kelley in so many ways. She knew that even though Hope would never admit it, Judy’s absence in the stands during their games, was slowly eating away at Hope’s morale.

But here Judy was, giving the exact response Hope needed when asked about game performance. It was as simple as mother knowing her child on the most instinctual level. It hit a nerve with Kelley.

_I wish my mom could do that._

For the remainder of the hour that Hope had determined was an acceptable amount to skip a class in addition to their lunch hour, Kelley tried hard to weather the roller coaster of emotions she felt as she watched the mother and daughter duo. She tried to brush off the little pangs of jealousy she felt as she watched Hope and her mom laugh and enjoy the little time that they had left to enjoy each other’s company. She knew that it wasn’t fair to compare their relationship to her and her own mother’s but it was hard to not feel a little resentment that her own mother could spend all the time in the world with her, if she wanted. But, Karen O’Hara just didn’t want to.

But then, Kelley's heart would swell at the sight of Hope’s genuine smile. It was a different smile. It was full and childish and one that only the woman that birthed her, could have caused. It was a smile that Kelley rarely saw, one that she coveted. 

“Hey, kid. You ready to bounce?” Hope whispered to Kelley. It broke through Kelley’s train of thought and the forward looked down to see Hope’s hand on her thigh.

“You’re full of surprises, Solo.” Kelley whispered back with a soft smile.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment, kid.” Hope turned to her mom, “Mom, I’m going to use the restroom, but we’re gonna head out after, okay?”

Judy nodded her head in response and Kelley helped her clean up. After a few comfortable silent moments, Hope’s mom spoke out.

“You know, I think you’re the best thing that ever happened to my little girl.” Judy Solo said, meeting the forward’s gaze. The statement was powerful and purposeful, and Kelley was taken aback.

“W-what do you mean?” She asked, intrigued.

“My daughter is just...different around you. I like her a lot more when you’re around. I hope you stick around, kiddo. I don't know why, but I just know that you're going to be good for her.” Judy said softly.

“You ready?” Hope said and strapped on her backpack.

Kelley gave her basically second mother a hug, one with an extra squeeze, before she joined Hope who was walking out the door.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Ashlyn, wait! Slow down a little bit, so that I can adjust!” Ali Krieger yelled into the blonde goalkeeper’s ear.

“Well, geeeeeez, princess. Do you want to switch places?” Ashlyn said as she held onto Ali, who was on her back, piggy-back style.

“Hush!” Ali responded back.

“Yes, mam” Ashlyn said immediately, and obediently.

Tobin and Christen giggled. “Whipped!” Christen yelled out loud and gestured the crack of her imaginary whip as she sat comfortably perched onto Tobin’s back.

“Oooooo, Ash! Calling you out!” Kelley yelled out from her rightful place over Hope Solo’s shoulders.

“Quit the chitchat! Let’s get this round started before Jill makes it out here. Reigning soccer chicken champs bitches!” Megan Rapinoe shouted as she charged the open field with Kling on her back. Kling yelled out a ferocious roar and knocked Christen off, successfully eliminating one team out.

“We’re out for blood!” Rapinoe yelled as they charged for Ali. Kling managed to hold onto her partner as she swerved left and right to avoid Kelley’s menacing grab. The reigning champs collided with Ashlyn, knocking her and the warrior princess over.

“BOOM BABY!” Rapinoe shouted into Ali’s face, signaling their elimination.

“C’mon KO!” Rapinoe yelled. The two teams were the only ones left in the game.

“C’mon, kid I believe in you.” Hope whispered softly enough that only the girl on her back could hear her.

“MEGANS do not give up! We do not lose!” Rapinoe yelled as Kling and Kelley pushed each other. Pinoe and Hope’s leg strength were matched and it was up to the two small girls.

“LADIES!” Jill yelled. Her voice boomed and carried throughout the practice pitch.

Kelley quickly jumped off of Hope’s back at the sight of Jill.

“We won!” Kling excitedly whispered as Kelley’s feet hit the ground.

“Oh, fuck off Kling!” Kelley said.

“KO, Language! I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” Jill said as she shook her head in disappointment.

“Now, if we are done acting like four-year-olds, I want to introduce to you these lovely ladies behind me.” Jill yelled out.

The team gathered around and took in the sight of some intimidating looking women that had rolled up with their coach. There was about eight of them, all Hope’s height, but twice the muscle mass.

“These are the leaders that helped our successful program before you. And they’re going to join me this season, as we make our fourth successful campaign to state this year.” Jill said, smugly.

Hope didn’t need the introduction to the alumni. She had picked her out the minute she laid eyes on her. Dani was a legend at this school and around the nation of people that followed American women’s soccer. Hope couldn’t believe that the number one goalie for the U-23 National team was right here on the same pitch.

“Hey, you’re Solo, right?” Dani said as she held out her hand. Hope just nodded, too awestruck to speak.

“Cool, well, I’m Dani. I saw your game against Costa Rica in April. You’re a beast.” She said.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

“That was fucking amazing!” Hope yelled as she tugged Kelley along to meet up with their group. The usual crew usually gathered in the school parking lot before walking home. They were all waiting on Ali to finish packing before they were to head out.

“What would be amazing, is if Ali wouldn’t take so damn long.” Tobin muttered under her breath.

“Yo, chill.” Ashlyn playfully shoved the midfielder.

“You seriously need to ask Princess out, like tonight. I’m tired of waiting.” Tobin said exasperatedly.

“Leave her alone, Tobs.” Christen said.

“Yeah, Tobs. Leave me alone. You don’t see me harassing you about asking out your crush.” Ashlyn said, with a smirk. One of Christen’s eyebrows raised.

“Who is your crush, Tobs?” Christen asked.

“Uh........”

“You guys! Seriously was that not amazing! Those women were so awesome!!” Hope said, completely unaware of the conversation that had taken place.

“Yeah, Yeah! Totally awesome!” Tobin quickly responded. “I loved that Cheney chick! I remember watching her when we were like, in middle school!”

The group of girls excitedly chatted about the alumni that had crashed their training session, unaware that Ali had joined them. Hope looked up and noticed that Dani was walking to her car. She shyly gave her a wave goodbye. Dani gave her a smirk and waved back as she got into her car and drove away.

“Damn, Solo. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so sprung!” Ashlyn yelled out.

“Oh, fuck you.” Hope responded. She quickly looked around and noticed that Kelley was nowhere near the group. _That’s strange. She was just here._ She had to admit that her heart dropped a little at the realization of the forward’s absence. She looked around and scanned the parking lot.

Her heart stopped when she spotted her.

Kelley was standing a good distance away from the driver’s window of a Chrysler, with her arms crossed. Hope knew from the posture of the forward, and the car that she was standing in front of, that Kelley was talking to her dad.

Hope observed from a distance and watched as Kelley waved her hands furiously in the air and she heard Kelley’s yells, which were too far off in the distance for Hope to make out what she was saying, but she could have sworn that the word ‘disappointment’ was thrown around a couple of times.

Hope’s anger started rising when she saw that Dan O’Hara was shouting back. Of course, she had no idea what the two could have been talking about, but this was the first time Hope had seen him since Kelley had moved in with her. It was an interesting sight, no doubt. Even in the earlier soccer memories that Hope possessed of her young club days, Kelley and her dad had always had a perfect father-daughter relationship. He had shown up to every single one of her games, and was one of the most supportive dads that Hope had ever met. He even offered to bring all of Kelley’s teammates to their away games with club and national team, an offer that Hope had to take many times when her mom had to work. She remembered him being one of the nicest men she had ever encountered, and he had always given Kelley a motivational spiel whenever Kelley was having a bad game. If she was being honest with herself, she was always jealous of their relationship, one that she could never have since her dad had passed away.

But the sight in front of her, was a complete 180 from her previous impressions.The rest of the crew started to take notice, and they all gasped when Kelley suddenly gave the swiftest kick into the side of Dan O’Hara’s car door.

“Get the fuck outta here!” Hope, along with the rest of teammates, definitely heard that come out of Kelley’s mouth, loud and clear. The forward kicked at the side view mirror and knocked it clean off. She was still yelling her heard off when Kelley’s dad peeled out of the parking lot, the high-pitched skids ringing in everyone’s ear. When the car had disappeared from sight, Kelley dropped to her knees and sobbed into her hands.

“Hey, you guys go ahead. I got this.” Hope said to the group sadly, yet with a commanding tone. The gals hesitated, but gave in when Ashlyn led the trek home. The blonde goalkeeper gave her a thumbs up as they walked away.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

“Kell.” Hope said softly as she stopped right behind the kneeling forward. Hope crouched down and got on the small girl’s level.

“Hey, kid.” She tenderly whispered. Kelley wiped at her face and leaned back into Hope. The goalkeeper pulled the forward up from behind and held her close. Kelley surrendered and fell back into the embrace. The pair stood there for a long while, in silence.

“Hey, you’re not alone, okay? I’m right here.” Hope said.

Kelley nodded her head in response and turned to face the keeper. She threw her arms around Hope’s waist, held her tight, and inhaled the familiar, soothing smell of Tide and sweat.

Hope pulled back slightly.

“What do you need from me?” Hope asked as she tucked a flyaway hair behind the girl’s ear and wiped away the remnants of the trail left behind by tears that escaped Kelley’s eyes.

Kelley gave a small chuckle.

“I need you to kiss me already.” Kelley said quietly.

With no hesitation, Hope pressed her lips into Kelley’s. Both of her hands found the base of Kelley’s jaw and her tongue swiped the forward’s lower lip, gaining access. Kelley whimpered and fell more into the safety of her number one. Their lips meshed perfectly and for Hope, the sensation of Kelley’s tongue playfully massaging her own with so much skill, was enough to make her melt. Only to breath in the much needed oxygen, did Hope pull away. Her head was spinning and she could see little stars everywhere.

“Holy shit.” Kelley breathed out.

_I think I’m falling for this girl._

Hope didn’t know that Kelley was thinking the same exact thing.

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> -Wretched


	5. Bullet Bitten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I like you.” Kelley whispered after a few seconds of silence. She picked up one of Hope’s hands and placed it on her chest. She knew that Hope could feel her heart pump beneath it. Kelley leaned in and kissed Hope, letting her lips linger there so that all of the emotions she had pent up would flow into the keeper.

\--

 

Tobin felt her heart beat start to pick up as she walked behind Ali and Ashlyn with Christen by her side on their way home. She started fidgeting with the hat fixed on her head, a habit of hers whenever her nerves would get to her. She picked at the corners of the frayed U.S. Soccer logo and compulsively ran her fingers over the fading red, white, and blue strands. Ashlyn quickly snatched it right out of her hand.

“Dude, why do you always wear hats? I swear, it’s like you’re trying to steal my look!” Ashlyn said and playfully swatted the midfielder with the hat in her hand.

“Oooookay Ash, you didn’t create the snapback lesbian look..” Tobin said with an eye roll.

“Yeah, but I sure own it.” Ashlyn replied with a smirk. That earned a scoff from Ali. 

“Dude, why are you so quiet?” The keeper nudged Tobin in the arm as she pushed her a small distance away from the group. She asked it quietly so that the rest of the company could not hear. Tobin shot her a glare. _You know what you did Ashlyn Harris._

“You know that I didn’t mean to REALLY call you out right?” Ashlyn asked with a little more volume and sincerity. She looked over her shoulder and observed that the other half of the TACA co. were in their own little conversation.

“Dude. I don’t want to talk about it.” Tobin said with an insincere grin and a laugh. Another habit of hers when she was nervous.

“Okay. But can I just say one thing?” Ashlyn asked. Tobin nodded.

“She’s smart. I mean dude, she’s going to Stanford next year. If she is as smart as I think she is.... she already knows.” The goalkeeper said. Tobin’s shoulder sagged. There was no arguing with that. 

“But, I also know, that she is an amazing person who is going to be your friend no matter what. You should just bite the bullet while we still have senior year.”

“Ugh, I hate you so much.” Tobin said frustratingly. “Why do you have to be right?” She said with force as she snatched her hat back from her friend.

Ashlyn just nodded her head and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ before pulling her into a headlock. The two wrestled as the four of the girls continued to make their way home.

 

\--

 

“Okay, but did you see the dent that KO made on her dad’s car?” Ali said with raised eyebrows.

“Oh yeah. I mean at first I was like ‘Damn. How did she manage to do that?!’ But then I thought of the time she kicked me in the shin and shattered my lucky shinguards from sixth grade. And then, I thought, ‘what a bitch..’ ” Christen said, earning a few giggles from the defender.

“Ah. I really hope she’s okay. I mean, we all know that she’s probably sucking face with Hope right now, so she’s good,” Ali said with a wave of her hand and a laugh, “but, I can’t imagine having a dad like that. I mean, what the fuck, right?”

“So... do you know what that’s all about?” Christen asked, intrigued. Kelley always avoided the subject, and Christen was curious to see if she had opened up to anyone about it. Ali just shook her head as a sad expression filled her face. _So, no one really knows why KO got kicked out? Kell and I are close. I mean, I don’t make out with her like Hope probably does, but, it’s Kelley and me. I know that it’s obviously a sore subject, but someone’s gotta know. It’s been like four months, she has gotta have told someone.._

“Hey you two! Stop flirting with each other!” Ali called out to their two friends who broke out into what seemed like a wrestling match. Ali just shook her head.

“I swear, those two are like eight-year-old boys when they are together.” Ali said. Ali’s sudden outburst had broke through Christen’s train of thought. She eyed Ali closely, determining whether or not this was the moment to breach the subject. _Eh, why not?_

“So....what is going on with you two?” Christen asked.

Ali sighed. It seemed like a subject that had weighed on her mind. It seemed like Christen’s question was one that she had asked herself, many times. Christen could see in her eyes, the millions of thoughts that were racing through in her head. 

“I don’t know, yet. ” Ali said with a smirk.

 

\--

 

Hope looked down at Kelley’s small fingers that were laced within her own, and played with them as they walked. She felt the smooth surface of her palm, and ran a finger, tracing the grooves of her grip. Her forefinger ran along the many rivers of veins that bulged through the skin on the top of her freckled hand.

“So, um” Hope muttered as she continued playing with Kelley’s hands, “um, so..”

Kelley was unaware, up until this point, of how nervous Hope actually was. She was too busy enjoying the night breeze and basking in the wonderful bubble that her and Hope had just created from their first kiss back in the school parking lot. She was light on her feet and a perpetual small smile formed on her lips. Simply put, she was on cloud nine. She was too busy relaxing into the soothing touch of Hope’s fingers to realize how opposite the girl next to her was feeling.

The forward grabbed onto Hope’s upper arm and gave it a squeeze and nuzzled into her side, her usual attempt at providing Hope some reassurance. “What’s wrong?” She said quietly.

“Nothing. I jus-” Hope stopped. She tried to re-organize her thoughts and words. “I just wanted to know,” she paused, wanting to put thought into her sentence, “If I can do this, from now on?” she finished with a tone of uncertainty.

“Do what?” Kelley asked.

“This.” Hope said as she raised Kelley’s hand that was currently interlocked with her own.

Kelley understood. Her heart swelled.

“Whenever you want.”

Hope looked like a kid who had just won a prize at the fair. She quickly muted her expression, but Kelley could see the small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. The two continued to walk hand in hand until Hope had to help Kelley climb out of the ditch. First, the goalkeeper, and then the forward. But Kelley quickly grabbed Hope’s hand, like it was rightfully hers, and then they continued to walk in a comfortable, blissful silence.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kelley softly asked. Hope gave a hand squeeze in response.

“Do you hate that I never ask you for your permission?” She asked, shyly. Hope furrowed her brow in thought.

“No.” Hope whispered sweetly after a moment, “ I love that about you.” 

Kelley stopped in her tracks. They had already reached Hope’s driveway. She looked up at Hope with the biggest eyes, filled with wonder and gratitude. It almost looked like she was about to cry.

“Really?” She said in disbelief. Hope softly chuckled.

“Kell, when have you ever asked for my permission for anything?” Hope shook her head in amusement. “It’s adorable.”

The goalkeeper continued to walk up the driveway and into her house, not wanting Kelley to see the huge grin that was forming on her face.

\--

 

Kelley and Hope laid in the bed, Kelley watching OITNB while Hope laid down flat on her stomach, trying to attempt to do some homework. Something that neither of them had even really done since the soccer season started. After all, it was senior year.

“Hopester. Watch with me” Kelley said playfully as she poked Hope in the butt.

“Kid, don’t you have homework to do?” Hope said without looking up from her textbook.

“Ugh. I don’t want to talk about homework.” Kelley responded. She turned the volume up on the TV.

“How in the world do you get the grades that you do?” Hope said, flabbergasted. “I don’t think I’ve seen you do homework. Once.”

“I just copy everything off of Christen.” Kelley said with a smirk.

“Lucky, she’s going to Stanford.” Hope grumbled.

“Hey! Okay, so yes, sometimes I get lazy on my homework. But those test scores, all me, baby! Just give me an hour the night before and I’m good” Kelley said as she kissed her flexed bicep. 

“Plus, I still don’t know if I’m committing there yet.” She said quietly.

Hope scoffed.

“Hey, Ms. Indecisive, what about you? I haven’t seen the nationally ranked goalie commit to a college! Decide yet?” Kelley pushed back.

“No. End of discussion.” Hope said. She closed her textbook, effectively ending the conversation on the topic. She joined Kelley at the head of the bed to pretend to watch the show. As soon as she got comfortable, Kelley picked Hope’s arm and slung it around her neck and scooted closer. The gesture made Hope’s chest ache, a feeling that she had never experienced before. Which was surprising, since Kelley always did this. The little touches and the shirt tugs had taken Hope awhile to get used to, but she was pretty impressed with how well she had taken it all in stride in the short span of a few months.

 

But, it was different now. Well truthfully, Kelley’s brashness was the same, but now it was like Hope was allowed to do the same, albeit cautiously. She looked down at the small girl in her arms, in awe that she was real. Kelley turned to face her when she realized she was being studied. She met Hope’s gaze.

“I like you.” Kelley whispered after a few seconds of silence. She picked up one of Hope’s hands and placed it on her chest. She knew that Hope could feel her heart pump beneath it. Kelley leaned in and kissed Hope, letting her lips linger there so that all of the emotions she had pent up would flow into the keeper.

Hope pulled away.

“Kell. Ya know, I’ve never-” She stopped. “I mean, I don’t know if you have ever, but- I mean, not even with a guy, and I know you have- I just- I don’t- ugh.” Kelley seemed to understand and wriggled out from under Hope’s arm so that she was fully facing her. She affectionately grabbed Hope’s arm and held it.

“You’re the first girl I’ve ever kissed.” Kelley said, firmly.

Hope nodded, feeling better, feeling relieved. _Praise fucking Jesus._

Kelley then smoothly planted herself on Hope’s lap with her knees on each side of Hope’s legs. She registered the widened eyes of Hope Solo and picked her chin up so that the angle was perfect enough for her to capture Hope’s bottom lip in between hers. The touch and the taste, undeniably so good not to plunder. Kelley could feel the muscles in Hope’s jaw unclench and relax. Hope’s lips were soft, yet commanding. They flexed and caressed Kelley’s with such purpose and direction. The way Hope’s tongue already knew how to play and tease, the way her strong hands had confidently worked its way up through Kelley’s back, and the way she just knew when to quicken the pace and then slow it down, made Kelley question if the keeper really had never done this before. She pulled away.

“Am I really your first kiss?” Kelley asked in between heavy breaths.

Hope nodded with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why?”

“Because you’re a really good kisser.” Kelley said.

 

\--

 

“TGIF, Amirite?” Tobin said as she walked with Christen to her sixth period class.

“Yeah. I’m sick of high school. Homework is so pointless, I don’t understand why Simpson is making me do weekly quizzes, when he knows that half of the class is just copying my answers. I swear, that motherfucker knows, he just doesn’t say anything because he has to meet the quota of passing students. I can’t wait ‘til college.” Christen said with an eye roll.

“Yeah, Mrs. Barron rags on me everyday. ‘Ms. Heath, why are you still wearing that hat? Why don’t you sit like a lady? Why are all your essays about soccer?’ Suck my dick.” Tobin said. 

“I can’t wait to be out of this hell hole! Can’t wait for that Cali sun!” Christen said excitedly. 

“Yeah, high school sucks. So um..” Tobin nervously pulled off her hat, “CP, what uh-, what are you doing this weekend?” Tobin said, not really meeting Christen’s gaze.

“Mmm. Not much. Wanna hang out?”

“Yeah!” The midfielder said excitedly. “I was wondering if you’d, ya know, like to go to the pro game, maybe? It’ll be like the eighth time I’m going to try to get Amy Rodriguez’s autograph. I swear those little girls get feisty after the game.” Tobin said as she mimicked the act of throwing elbows. Christen giggled.

“Sure, Tobs. I’d love to.” Christen said with a smile.

“Cool! Bubble tea before?” Tobin added. It was met with a CP thumbs up as she walked into her class. _Well, that was easy._

Tobin Heath had the biggest grin on her face when she walked into her own class, three minutes late. She didn’t even complain once when her english teacher asked her to take her hat off.

 

\--

 

Hope Solo stood on her line in between the posts. Her feet were positioned correctly. She was on the balls of her feet and her hands were in the ready position. A single drop of sweat ran down her right temple from the heat of the sun and due to the extreme focus she was trying to hone in on. This was her moment, her job, her life. She kept her eye on the ball that was perched on the penalty spot. She knew that she would have to make this save. It was all on the line. When it got kicked, she got a good read on it and shuffled to her left twice and launched in the air. It felt good. She could see the split second that her hand was about to reach it. About to.

Her body hit the ground and she heard the ball hit the back of the net. Devastation.

“WOOHOO! KELLEY O’HARA HAS DONE IT!” the small forward yelled at the top of her lungs as she sprinted up and down the empty field. “IT’S A HAT-TRICK FOR O’HARA!” she yelled and pumped her firsts. “AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!” She tore off her shirt and fell to her knees as she pretended to cry.

Hope fumed as she got off the ground and watched the small girl run around the empty field and high-five the imaginary crowd in the empty bleacher seats. 

“Okay, Brandi Chastain. Calm down, it was a lucky shot.” She said as the forward ran back from her celebratory run. Kelley quickly jumped onto Hope and wrapped her legs around the keeper’s waist, and her arms around her neck.

“Just say you’re proud of me, Hope Solo.” The forward teased as she breathed heavily. Hope shook her head furiously, but wrapped her arms around Kelley’s back, nonetheless.

“No?” Kelley asked. She kissed Hope gently.

“What about now?” She challenged again. Hope shook head again, but with less fervor.

Never one to not get what she wanted, Kelley planted little kisses on Hope’s lips, cheeks, forehead, and on the keeper’s eyelids.

“What about NOW?” She asked with a smirk. Still, Hope shook her head.

Kelley then ran her tongue and lips along the left side of Hope’s neck like she was a mission. She sucked on the skin and bit down on it, feeling the tall girl’s knees began to buckle slightly. She licked the small area in between Hope’s ear and jaw line and let her shallow breaths caress the keeper’s ear. Something she learned over the many make-out sessions the two had before school, during school on the staircases when everyone was in class, in the supply closets, in Hope’s workshop, in the safety of their own bedroom, and just about anywhere, and everywhere.

“What about..now?” She whispered after pulling away slowly. 

Hope, incredibly turned on by Kelley’s show of dominance, relented in her defiance and gave in.

“I’m proud of you, kid.” She whispered.

Kelley quickly jumped off from her embrace and laughed. “You’re too easy, Solo.” she said as she grabbed Hope’s chin playfully. Hope’s chest ached again. She realized that it was happening more often now. It always came at the smallest moments.

The two walked over to sit on the bleacher seats, and Kelley pulled out her phone from her bag.

“So what time is Erin supposed to be here? It’s 10:30 already.” Hope said.

“Yeah, I don’t know... She said that she would meet us here. I mean his game is at 11:30, so I’m not too worrie- Oh. There she is!” Kelley got up from the bleachers and sprinted over to the SUV that had just arrived and was parked in the dirt parking lot right by the fields. Hope walked over too, and her heart burst at the sight of little Jerry in his soccer uniform flying out the door and into the arms of his big sister. She was equally overjoyed when Jerry spotted her and yelled ‘Hopey!’ before he wrapped his arms around her waist. He was so precious. She watched with one eye as he ran over to the ball in the goal.

“Hey, wait! Are you not staying? I thought we were gonna hang out..” Kelley said when Erin put her gear into reverse.

“Nah, brah. I gotta meet Cole.” Erin said as she put her car in park and pulled out her phone.

“I’m sure you’re boyfriend has seen you enough. C’mon dude, I haven’t seen you since college started..” Kelley said in a sad tone.

“Yeah, why is that? Why haven’t you been home these past weekends that I’ve been here? I’ve texted you every time.” Erin said. Kelley struggled to answer that, but Erin was texting on her phone, clearly not paying attention.

“I’ve just been sleeping over at Hope’s.” Kelley responded quietly. At that statement, Erin lifted her sunglasses onto her head and looked Hope up and down, like she had just noticed she was there.

“Mmmm. Hope, you’re looking really muscular, today.” Erin said as she wiggled her eyebrows. Hope’s cheeks burned red and she let out a nervous giggle. She muttered a shy ‘thanks.’

“So. Solo, is it guys or girls? Have you decided yet? ” Erin challenged playfully. Hope was used to the jokes and the forwardness from Erin O’Hara. After all, Kelley got it from somewhere. Plus, it was a playful question directed to her by the oldest O’Hara every year in high school.

“Erin!” Kelley shouted. 

“What?! She knows that Ella has been asking about her for years. By the way, Ella's single now, so...FYI Hope.” the oldest sister said with a wink.

“CAN YOU NOT??” Kelley said with anger. The two bickered like sisters for five more minutes, while Hope just watched. It was always interesting for Hope to watch Kelley with Erin. She had never had a sister, but it seemed like fun..sometimes.

“So, Solo. Made a decision?” Erin said, tired of Kelley and wanting to engage Hope. The keeper just chuckled.

“Yeah, Er. I’ve definitely made a decision.” She said with a smile.

“Ahhh. Mysterious. I dig it. Okay, you kids have fun. I’ll be back to pick him up at 1. Put some clothes on Kelley! Dueces!” Erin yelled as she drove off.

The two watched as she drove off, Hope giggling at the older girl’s usual antics, while Kelley silently fumed.

“You better not date my cousin.” Kelley grumbled, a little too seriously. The two walked back towards Jerry, while Hope continued laughing.

“I don’t know Kell, she’s single.” Hope teased in a sing-song voice.

Kelley stopped in her tracks.

“Oh, and you are?” Kelley challenged. She looked Hope straight in the eye with a gaze so fierce that it threw Hope off a little.

“Well. Well I-I mean -”

“I thought you guys were going to play soccer with me!” Jerry yelled out. “C’mon Hopey let me shoot on you!”

Kelley jogged over and playfully picked up her brother and chased him down the field, leaving Hope to her thoughts.

 

\--

Hope leaned back into the space in between the bleachers and let her legs dangle and her eyeballs followed the ball as it got knocked around by the boys on the field. Jerry was really good. The way he moved and kicked the ball with such strength mirrored that of his older sister. Kelley was sitting next to her, yelling like maniac. Yelling at anyone who touched the ball. At every call, Kelley was up on her feet, abusing the refs. Hope just sat, half of her mind on the game, and half in her own head. She’d be lying if she said that Kelley’s question didn’t get to her.

_Are we.. a couple? We haven’t really talked about it. I mean, last night she told me she liked me, but that’s about it. Technically, I haven’t said it back, but I don’t have to, right? I mean it’s pretty obvious..._

_We’re basically a couple. I mean, nothing much has really changed. Well, other than the kissing. Such good kissing..._

_But do I even want a relationship? Does she even want a relationship? Kelley could have just been kidding like she always does. She always pulls that shit. Maybe I’m putting way too much thought into this..But what if I’m not..What if-_

“Hey, are you okay?” Kelley asked. Hope looked up at her. “What’s going on in that head?” Kelley quietly asked and lightly touched Hope’s cheek. Hope relaxed at the touch. She just shook her head. Kelley seemed to understand and brought her attention back to the game, but left her hand on Hope’s left knee. Hope vowed to pay attention to little Jer’s game.

 

\--

 

“Kelley! Kelley! Did you see my goal??” Jerry yelled through the orange slice stuck in his mouth. Kelley excitedly gave him a fist bump and a ruffle to his hair.

“Hope! Did I play good?” Jerry said shyly. 

“You’re going to be a superstar one day kid.” Hope said as she kneeled down to get on his level. Jerry just shyly smiled and darted off to talk to one of his teammates.

“He’s kinda got a little crush on you.” Kelley whispered. _So precious._ Hope challenged the boys to a PK shootout, and the boys excitedly agreed. This made her heart melt a little. She jogged with them to the goals. She decided to let them each have one goal scored on her, because she wasn’t heartless. After ten rounds of shots, the two boys noticed that there other teammates and friends were soon leaving so they hustled over to them to chat. Hope looked around to find Kelley. 

She was excitedly talking to Adam. 

Hope slithered on to the bleachers as she observed Kelley interact with the boy. Hope had honestly forgotten that he was here as Jerry’s coach, when she had gotten lost in her own head during the game, but the forgotten fact was thrown into the forefront of her mind. Kelley was jumping up and down, no doubt talking about soccer because Kelley seemed to be re-enacting her goal celebration before. Adam was laughing and smiling back. Hope just wanted to knock that smile off his face.

She hated that her blood was boiling. She watched as Jerry ran over to his coach and sister and Hope was damn near ready to punch someone as she continued to watch the trio. She hated that Kelley was laughing and smiling at Adam. She hated that Jerry was fist-bumping his coach. She just overall hated being here, right now.

*HONK HONK*

Hope turned around to see Erin honking from her SUV in the almost empty parking lot. The keeper jogged over, glad that she had a reason to tear her gaze away from Kelley and Adam. Hope high-fived Erin and leaned in the driver’s window to chat with the eldest O’Hara. 

“Where are the children?” Erin asked. Hope pointed her head towards the trio who were still on the field.

“Yuck. I fucking hate that kid.” Erin said. Hope could just kiss her.

“Dude. I agree with you on every level.” The keeper groaned.

“Well those two better hurry. My dad’s bitching about Jerry being home as soon as his game’s over. He can go fuck himself. ” Erin said as she pulled out her phone to text, again.

“Hey, by the way, what’s going on with my sister? Why hasn’t she been home?” Erin asked quietly. Hope just sighed. It blew her mind that not even Erin knew. _Who in this world knows what happened between Kelley and her parents???_

“Honestly, Er, I was hoping that you could tell me. She doesn’t talk about it. You know...she’s living with me...right?” She asked cautiously. But Erin didn’t look surprised.

“I know that. I just don’t want her to know that I know that. I mean, mom’s been talking about how she hasn’t come back home in like months. And every time I push the subject with my mom, she just cries. And you and I both know that Kelley doesn’t like to talk about serious stuff. I swear to God, she’s just like mom and dad. They don’t talk about anything either. They’re so stubborn.” 

Hope nodded in agreement. “Anyways, has she been a pain in the ass? Does she clean up after herself? You know, she’s disgusting.” Erin said. Hope just giggled.

“No, she’s been great. And actually, she keeps my room pretty clean, so, I’m pretty happy with that. I love having her around.” Hope said quietly.

“Of course you do, Yolo.” Erin said with a glint in her eyes. 

“What does that mean?” Hope laughed, nervously. 

Erin just tilted her head to the side and raised her eyebrows. She stared at Hope for what seemed like forever. It made Hope want to squirm.

“I know that Ella has absolutely no chance.” Erin said slowly, looking Hope square in the eye.

_Oh._ The keeper had to respect that. She knew that Erin O’Hara was definitely a force to be reckoned with, and it would have been anyone’s biggest mistake to underestimate her. Hope just smiled and the girl across from her returned it, both coming to an understanding.

“From what I’ve gathered, she misses you though. I mean, she didn’t say that, but I can tell she really wants to hang out with you.” Hope said, wanting desperately to change the subject.

“Yolo, it’s complicated. Kelley never talks to me. You know for yourself how she likes to bottle stuff up.” Erin said shaking her head. 

“You never know. Listen, she was bummed that you didn’t hang out with us. And, she won’t talk to me about it, but just maybe...she’s looking for someone who will understand how your parents are...you know.. A sibling..” Hope said with raised eyebrows. That really seemed to strike a chord with Erin. The two looked up when they noticed that the other O’Hara children were approaching. Hope couldn’t help but smile when Kelley caught her gaze. The forward was absolutely beaming.

“Hey, I got scared that you ditched me.” Kelley said as she tugged on Hope’s shirt.

“Nah, I was just giving her Ella’s phone number.” Erin said. _Shoot me now, Erin._

Hope saw that Kelley’s face faltered a little, and before Hope could set the record straight, Erin interrupted her.

“Kell. You and Hope hop in. I’ll give you guys a ride home.” She said and patted the seat of the passenger side.

“Oh, Er, it’s like a .3 mile walk, we’re o-”

*HONK*

“Get in, loser.” Erin said after she let her hand off the horn.

Hope made some small talk with Jerry in the backseat about women’s soccer while she watched the two sisters out of the corner of her eye. The two were animatedly talking about OITNB or something, but to Hope, it didn’t really matter. As long as those two were getting along, she felt like all was right in the world. The keeper noticed that Erin was driving a snail’s pace, prolonging her time with her little sister. She knew that she did the right thing in pushing Erin to reach out. The two sisters had a connection, something that could not be replaced.

When they had reached Hope’s house, the keeper heard them talk about a new bubble tea place, one that Hope had yet to try.

“Hey, you know what, you guys should try that place out.” Hope said as she unbuckled her belt. Erin nodded and looked over at Kelley to see her response. The forward seemed to hesitate a little.

“Hope, I don’t want to leave you here alone.” Kelley said quietly. The goalie just tapped her on the shoulder to reassure her that she would be okay.

“I will be here when you guys are done.” She got out of the car and gave Kelley a look of encouragement. Kelley mouthed the words ‘thank you’ before the O’Hara children drove off.

\--

Tobin checked herself out in the mirror for the fourth time. 

_Okay, is a plain white t-shirt and black jeans too casual? Is there even a dress code? I mean, it’s not a big deal. It’s just some bubble team and a soccer game.... Nah, there’s definitely not a dress code._

Tobin elected to just keep on the outfit she had on because if she wasn’t mistaken, she was already late in picking Christen up. The midfielder brushed her fingers through her long hair, thankful that it was willing to cooperate today. _No hat today, Heath. Gotta impress._ She looked at the makeup bag that Perry had left her and thought for a good minute on whether she would open it. _Nope. Never._

Tobin grabbed her mom’s car keys that she let her borrow for the night and hopped into her car. She looked at herself one more time in the rear-view mirror. Satisfied with what she saw, she gave herself a thumbs-up. The short drive to Christen’s house on the next street over was not enough for her. Nothing could have prepared her for the way Christen Press looked when she walked out her door. Her outfit was so simple, but the way her hair flowed over her shoulder made Tobin’s heart melt.

“Bubble team time!” Christen yelled as she jumped into the car.

Tobin honestly could not remember what had happened in the last hour before the game. It was fun and the nerves quickly went away when Christen had gotten in the car. She aimlessly talked to her long-time friend about nothing and everything. It didn’t even feel like a date, but in a good way. It was just so easy to talk to Christen. And, before they knew it, they were taking their seats in the general section of the small soccer stadium for the game.

“Let’s go A-ROD!” Tobin yelled as they watched the team warm-up.

“She’s such a beast. I wish I could be her.” Christen said dreamily. 

“You totally can be, Chris! Stanford is a great program.” Tobin said reassuringly.

“Okay, Ms. North Carolina.” Christen said sarcastically. The midfielder frowned. She hated talking about colleges. She quickly changed the subject.

“So, when do you think HS and squirrel are going to make it official?” She said with a grin. She knew how much the Christen loved to talk about this subject, owing to the fact that she had seen the beginning with her own eyes. Christen had a soft spot for O’Solo. She even coined the term, one that everyone had grown accustomed to using behind the pair’s back.

“Mmmm. I wanna say one and a half weeks from now. No, two. No...I’ll stick with 1.5” She said, satisfied.

“Why?” Tobin chuckled.

“Well. It’ll take Hope like four days for her to realize she likes girls. And I mean, fully. And then...she’ll need like three days of Kelley being Kelley. And then I’ll throw in the half week because it’ll take Hope forever to talk about her feelings. And for some reason, I just know that Kelley is gonna make Hope ask her.” Christen said. Tobin just laughed.

“Well, what about you?” Chris asked. Tobin thought about it for awhile.

“I say..that they will make it official...tonight.” Christen widened her eyes in excitement, waiting for Tobin’s analysis. “And..I say that because...Kelley is Kelley. She always gets what she wants. And Hope, I agree with you, is like this tormented soul who never lets herself be happy, but....I don’t know. I think KO is good for her. I think KO will speed the process up.”

“We’ll see who wins.” Christen said with a smirk.

“Yeah, we will.” The two continued watching the team warm up and munched on their nachos.

“Oh! And before these two get here, when do you think Ashlyn and Ali will become a thing?” Christen said excitedly.

“Well those two- wait. What do you mean ‘before they get here?'"Tobin said slowly. Her heart sank.

“I invited Ali because you know she loves this team. Plus you and I will get a kick out of watching those two.” Christen said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

Honestly, Tobin wasn’t even listening. She nodded her head and picked at her nachos. _So this was never a date._ The realization came in quick and sat in the pit of her stomach. Any sort of confidence that she thought she had, well it was gone. 

_How could I be so stupid to think that this was an actual date? She’s shown absolutely zero interest in me. I mean she hasn’t really shown interest in anyone...except maybe Hope. Ew. No. That can’t be happening. Gross. That was probably just a joke. But still, point is, she is not interested in me and I’m an idiot for thinking I had a chance._

Christen nudged the midfielder and Tobin looked up to follow her gaze. She saw Ali and Ashlyn approaching them. _I’m going to kill Ashlyn._

 

\--

 

Hope was in her garage/gym space doing her usual strength workout when Kelley had come back from hanging out with Erin. Hope was throwing down one of the many medicine balls into the ground when the door swung open really fast. She was unable to really register what had happened because when she looked up, Kelley’s lips had already captured her own with such ferocity and passion. Before Hope could even form a thought, Kelley’s hands were travelling all throughout her back and then beneath the front-side of her t-shirt. The keeper was taken aback from the sudden round of passion and quickly pulled away. She was breathing heavy before from her workout, but now it was at a different level.

“Kell. What-” But she was interrupted. The forward’s lips were on hers again like glue, her energy not interrupted by Hope’s apparent surprise. If anything, it seemed to have fueled her even more. She pushed Hope all the way into wall, looped her arms around her neck, and continued to kiss Hope. To Hope, Kelley seemed to have been kissing her with an edge, like there was a bite to it, and it wasn’t sitting well with the keeper. She reluctantly pulled away and held the forward at arm’s length.

“Kell. Kell. Is everything okay?” She asked in between heavy breaths as she cupped the small girl’s face with both of her hands. The forward seemed a little upset, and Hope didn’t know if it was because she had stopped the most intense make-out session they’ve ever had, or if it was something else. Kelley scoffed and made way to turn around and walk away, but Hope pulled her back.

“Hey.” Hope whispered as she reeled Kelley back in, who seemed upset but had nevertheless relented into Hope’s protective hug.

“What’s going on?” The keeper asked quietly and tenderly as she held her closer. Kelley seemed unwilling to talk, and actively avoided Hope’s stare.

“Hey. Shutting people out is my job. Not yours.” Hope said to lighten up the mood. The forward returned it with an eye roll before she let out a frustrated groan and then burrowed herself in the crook of Hope’s neck. The keeper held her closer in order to offer reassurance.

“Ugh. Do you have a crush on my cousin?” The words were muffled as Kelley burrowed further into Hope’s body. The keeper went rigid.

“No.” She answered. Both of the girls’ body seemed to relax. “I like you.” Hope said, quietly. 

“I didn’t like being away from you.” Kelley said with a pout. Hope couldn’t help but smile a little. The two had probably spent a mere three hours apart, but Hope would be lying if she said she wasn’t feeling the forward’s absence to her very core the minute Erin’s car drove away. In reality, this was probably the first time that they had ever spent that much time apart. It was riling up something in Hope, and the tension and sadness built up in the keeper would have killed her if she had not released it all by her usual gym session.

Hope echoed the forward’s sentiments. She held the girl close as she leaned back into the wall and cradled her face. It was at this moment that it really hit Hope how much she had changed, not even just in the last four months, but even within the past week. Four months ago, she didn’t even know how to hug someone. Yes Kelley would do it all the time when they were younger, but she still felt as if she really didn't know how to, until now. She was always by herself and in her thoughts. Her name was Hope SOLO, for christ’s sake. She was a lone wolf, a fortress in between the goal posts. She was the best in the nation in the loneliest position on a team sport.

And now, here she was, holding Kelley like all of their curves fit together like puzzle pieces and and like the girl was _hers_ to hold. Just last week she had gone from never kissing anyone in her life, to becoming the expert navigator of Kelley O’Hara’s lips. 

The fact that she wasn’t Kelley’s first true kiss, genuinely didn’t bother her too much because the look on Kelley’s face when they both pulled away mirrored that of Hope’s. It was filled with surprise, lust, relief, and just maybe...love.

 

“So Ashlyn invited us to the pro game tonight. Said everyone’s going. Do you wanna go? We can take Marcus’ car.” Hope broke the comfortable silence.

“Yeah, sure.” Kelley said. But it was loaded, and Hope saw a twinkle in the forward’s eye. 

 

\--

 

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Ashlyn said quietly as she looked around for the two girls that had gotten up to get more nachos. She could feel the tension and anger rolling off of Tobin’s shoulders, a really rare sight. The midfielder had barely spoken a word, and her characteristic toothy grin had yet to make an appearance that evening. She didn’t answer.

“Tobs.” Ashlyn tried again. The other girl sighed.

“I thought this was a date. I’m a fucking idiot!” The midfielder said and ran her fingers through her long locks out of frustration. She could see that Ashlyn’s face had gone pale.

“Dude. I. I’m so so so sorry. I had no idea that this was a da-” She was interrupted by the sound of Christen’s giggles. The two girls were at the end of the aisle, approaching them. Ashlyn lowered the volume of her voice.

“You should have told me!” She whispered to the midfielder. Tobin just brushed her off and half-heartedly smiled when the two girls took their seats. Christen Press noticed.

“Hey, are you okay?” Christen whispered. Tired of the questions, Tobin just gave her a thumbs up and a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. The forward didn’t press it again because the second half whistle had blown, but she kept one eye on the midfielder, she knew that there was something off. Tobin had not said a word until Hope and Kelley had shown up, seventy five minutes into the game.

“Uh okay. Why even show up?” Ali joked as she saw the pair hop the rows in front of them to reach the group.

“I don’t know but I’m going to piss my pants! Where is the bathroom?!” Kelley said in a panic with her eyes widen.

“I’ll show ya.” Tobin said, that being the first she spoke in the second half. The pair went off in the direction towards the concession stands, and Hope took Tobin’s spot next to Christen.

“So, Hopester, why so late?” Ashlyn said with a smirk on her face and loud enough for the other two girls to engage in giving Hope Solo shit.

The brunette keeper just sunk further into her seat and rolled her eyes, but the smile was tugging at the corners of her month.

“What’s that shit-eating grin, Solo?” Ashlyn asked, unfazed by Hope’s lack of response. 

“And, why does it look like you have sex hair?” Ali asked loudly, with a grin bigger than Ashlyn’s. Hope’s hand quickly went to the top of her head to smooth out her mane.

“Leave her alone, guys. She doesn’t have to explain to us about that hickey on her neck.” Christen said deviously.

Hope quickly slapped the side of her neck, as if there was a mosquito that she was trying to kill, looked around in a panic, gave her famous death stare for her three friends, and then fell further into her seat. She threw the hood of her hoodie on to avoid her friends. The trio laughed heartily at the sight of the big bad Hope Solo, embarrassed.

“So...Are you guys, like, a couple?” Christen asked quietly after the giggles died down.

“We haven’t really talked about it.” Hope said. It was half-true. Hope instantly recalled the moment on the field between Kelley and her. “But, I have a good feeling about it.” 

“Hey, I’m really happy for you. Kelley is never as happy as when she’s with you.” Christen said. Hope looked her straight in the eyes and found that Christen’s eyes were filled with genuine sympathy and happiness. Hope sat up a little. 

“Thanks, CP.” She whispered. Honestly, she hadn’t really talked about this new development with Kelley to anyone, and she was kind of glad that there was someone here that seemed to have both hers and Kelley’s interest at heart. And, hearing this from Christen was special because aside from Hope, she was the closest to Kelley since the two had an undeniable connection as the team’s top strikers. The fact that this came from Christen, meant that it had to be true. And Hope’s heart swelled at that realization.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted at the tug of her arm sleeve. She looked up to see Kelley next to her, alone.

“Hey. Where’s Tobs?” Christen asked.

“She said that she had to bounce. I told her that Hope and I could take you home.” Kelley said quietly. Her tone, Hope and Christen noticed, signaled that Kelley would tell them more later.

Christen met Ashlyn’s worried gaze, while Kelley held onto Hope’s arm and further nuzzled into the keeper’s body.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist giving this to you guys a little early.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> \- Wretched


	6. Dregs of a Fading Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone knew that Hope was an impenetrable life force in the goal and in real life, clouding her persona in sexy mystery. But not everyone knew Hope Solo like Kelley O’Hara did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing was the only way I could distract myself from the heartbreak that has come from Rio 2016.

\--

 

Kelley sat on the bleachers, swinging her legs side-to-side and vigorously slathering on a generous amount of sunscreen, with a bucket hat perched on her head and it’s drawstring taught under chin. She managed to sit relatively still for fifteen minutes, hoping to catch Hope’s eye as the keeper blocked shot after shot from her goalkeeping coach. She waved and jumped and did all but call her name. After what seemed like the billionth dive that the Hope had made, Kelley realized that she was not going to get the desired attention from Hope Solo. She internally pouted to herself for the lack of attention, and then took to running up and down the bleachers, unsure of how to get rid of all of her energy.

It was a die-hard habit of Kelley’s to always push herself athletically and mentally whenever she could. And whenever she was expected to sit still. She pumped her quad muscles as she ran up and down the flight, while she tried her best to drown out the echoes of her dad’s voice cheering and pushing her on. Unfortunately for Kelley, this was the voice that took residence in her psyche, being the literal voice of reason and motivation that played in her mind whenever she pushed herself.

After her fifteenth rep, Kelley gave herself a much deserved rest time before she would go again. At the top of the bleachers, she looked over to see the small figure that was Hope Solo shuffling right and left in between stick poles that were laid in the ground. Hope was zoning in on the ball in her coach’s hand before he launched it into the upper left corner. It hit the back of the net and Kelley watched as Hope quickly got up and slammed her fist into the ground before she sprinted to her starting position.

It was a display of frustration that Kelley was very familiar with, one that she hated seeing because it usually meant that the field player’s, herself included, had let their number one down. But now, watching Hope do it in her individual training, Kelley had to admit it was making her feel some type of way. It was literally, the sexiest thing she had ever seen. She abandoned her attempt at conditioning and pushed out the internal voice of her dad in her head telling her to keep going, and sat down on the grass with her legs sprawled out and the palms of her hands digging into the grass behind her. She decided that watching Hope was a much better activity to partake in. She saw Hope spray some water over her head when she took a water break. _Holy shit, yep. Definitely a better activity to partake in._

As she sat still and watched the keeper, Kelley tried to analyze and dissect Hope’s sexiness. She surmised that it probably came from how intense and harsh Hope was in her element. She was like a fast-moving brick wall with amazing looking arms and equally as cut abs. Not to mention, her jaw line cut through absolutely anything and her icey gaze had the power to dismantle any attack. Hope was a beast. She knew it, Kelley knew it, and the whole nation knew it. 

But that assessment didn’t sit well with Kelley. She knew that that wasn’t it. Everyone knows the big bad Hope Solo, the tall girl with legendary bitch face that makes your pants wet _in all types of ways._ Everyone knew that Hope was an impenetrable life force in the goal and in real life, clouding her persona in sexy mystery. But not everyone knew Hope Solo like Kelley O’Hara did.

No one knew that Hope Solo actually listens to poppy Ariana Grande before games to pump her up (a secret that she is sworn to keep), or that the keeper likes to rip the velcro straps on her gloves on and off repeatedly when she is a bundle of nerves before a game. Kelley had the privilege of knowing what Hope’s mouth and skin taste like after a three hour practice, and the strength of Hope’s grip on her back as she holds her. She knew that hugs were the fastest, yet most uncomfortable way to get to Hope to open up. She knew that the cross necklace that Hope ALWAYS wore was not because she was religious, but because it was the last gift that her dad gave her before he died. She also knew that the keeper’s tough exterior is true on the pitch, but is a show off it. Hope Solo is actually a big softie that can easily be pushed over with gentle kisses and meaningful hand touches beneath the dinner table. 

And that’s what makes Hope Solo so sexy.

“Where’d all that energy go, squirrel?” Hope said, suddenly at Kelley’s side. Hope playfully swatted at the ridiculous bucket hat that Kelley was still sporting.

“Hey! No disrespecting the hat. It preserves my adorable freckles!” Kelley pouts.

“Kell, I don’t think that’s how it works.” Hope responded. “Anyways, Paul had to cut our session short. But I got an idea...” Hope said with a mischievous grin.

 

\--

“Hope, I don’t think this is a good idea!” Kelley said in a panic. 

Hope laughed at Kelley who stood in the middle of the goal posts with that stupid hat on her head, huge red and white gloves on her hands, and a frightened expression plastered on her face. It was definitely a sight to see.

“Kell, this is good for you. It’s called versatility!” Hope said as she doubled over in laughter at their switch of positions.

“Fuck versatility!” Kelley yelled and pouted. Nevertheless, she pounced into an athletic position when Hope positioned herself to take the kick.

They did this for about an hour, Hope not taking it easy on Kelley for one single minute. One, because she would never do Kelley the disservice of ‘taking it easy’ and two, because payback is a _real bitch._

She only relented when Kelley had struggled to get up from the seventieth dive Kelley had attempted. At this point, Kelley’s bucket hat was a throw’s distance away, her face beet red, her flyaway hairs all over her face, and leaves of grass all over her face and arms. Kelley struggled to get up, due to the impact of the ground on her body. She made a dramatic show of failing to get up and successfully prompted Hope to come up and help her.

_Goalkeeping sucks._

Hope carried the tiny exhausted squirrel on her back on the walk back home, when she made a show of limping on her right leg.

“But, Hopey, you’re so strong.” Kelley pouted. Hope knew what she was doing, and could not help but be charmed by it all. It had been two months since their first kiss, enough time for Hope to know Kelley’s tricks. She decided to go along with it because she knew that Kelley O’Hara was nowhere near tired. She just wanted Hope to hold her.

 

\--

 

The next morning, the pair trudged out of bed and carried out there Monday morning routine like zombies. Kelley made her way down to the kitchen and made her daily pot of coffee, a habit she recently picked up from Marcus, and sleepily waved at Judy who had just come in from her night shift, with red tired eyes. Hope kissed her mom goodbye and the two headed out the door after Kelley made Hope change her shirt, one that she had worn at least two times last week.

“Because Hope! You have to add some variety to your wardrobe. You can’t just wear a soccer t-shirt and track pants everyday.” Kelley said as the two walked.

“Whatever, kid.” Hope said, but with a smile. “Are you happy? I put on jeans today.” 

“Yes, I am. You know how I feel about you in skinny jeans.” Kelley said as she wiggled her eyebrows and possessively hooked her fingers in the loop of Hope’s jeans. Her fingers stayed there as they continued to walk, and Hope’s chest ached at the touch of Kelley’s fingers on the outside of the denim.

“Ugh. This fucking sucks. I wish I had a car.” Hope grumbled. “That way, I wouldn’t have to wake up so damn early. This ungodly hour!” She whined as she sipped her coffee from her mug and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. 

“I love our morning walks.” Kelley said quietly. “It’s peaceful and you and I get to spend time together. Just us.” She tugged at Hope’s belt loops. And, the keeper’s heart strings. Those quiet statements and whispers that came from Kelley made Hope buckle. She hoped that the small smile on her face could convey to Kelley how she felt, because she knew that words couldn’t.

“But, a car would be nice so that we didn’t have to witness the demise of the one true bromance. I swear, Tobin and Ashlyn are so weird now.” Kelley said it like there was a weird taste in her mouth.

“Oh my god, I know! They’re like robots to each other now.” Hope said. “Personally, I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s not like Ash knew that it was supposed to be a date. Which, by the way, does Chris know that it was supposed to be a date..? I mean, Tobs and CP haven’t really changed much. It’s just Ash and her.”

“I don’t know, with Chris it’s such a tricky subject. I mean it’s pretty obvi that Tobi looks at her with puppy eyes. And she knows, I know she does. She doesn’t talk about, but I think she’s just trying to be smart about things.” Kelley deduced. Hope furrowed her brow at that.

“What do you mean by ‘being smart about it’?”

“Well, Tobs is for sure going to UNC. She’s like one of the nation’s top recruited field player. And she’s always wanted to go there. And Chris is going to California...”

Hope just nodded her head. She understood. College was a topic that none of them liked to talk about. 

 

\--

 

It had become a habit of theirs to take refuge into the workshop in the back whenever Hope and Kelley would get too....handsy...to feel comfortable being in the same house as Marcus. A fact they learned after almost getting caught. One time, after a hard-fought win over their regional rivals, the two were in Hope’s closet, when one of their more intense make out sessions broke out. 

Kelley’s hands violently grabbed bunches of Hope’s hair from the back and the keeper’s strong hands were gripping the patches of skin on her hips, waist, and back. By now, their lips knew how to move in sync. They opened to invite and taste each other, a taste that never lost its flavor. Their moans, the ruffling of clothes, and sound of skin scraping against skin and their lips warring with each other rang in both of their ears. Kelley’s body leaned all the way into Hope’s kiss, surrendering any sort of control.

Hope was unaware of the pools of wetness that was in between her legs until she felt Kelley’s hand brush it lightly. Her body went tense at the touch, while she gasped quickly out of reaction, and she pulled back.

“What? Did I do something wrong?” Kelley asked in between heavy breaths.

Before she could answer, she heard Marcus yelling from the hallway. He was calling her name. The pair looked at each other and their ruffled hair, red faces, and basically bleeding necks with widened eyes when they heard the door to Hope’s bedroom open. _Shitfuckballs._

“Hope! Where the fuck are you? Mom said she needs you to-” He swung the closet door open and found Kelley O’Hara determinedly folding something and his sister slowly sliding a pair of hangers down the rack. It was a couple of seconds before the two girls looked up at him guiltily. Marcus just shook his head and chuckled when he saw the bite marks on Hope’s neck.

“What are you guys doing?” He said with a smirk.

The pair just mumbled something that Marcus didn’t quite get and then he walked away, still shaking his head, and forgetting why he came into her room in the first place.

Ever since that oh-so-close touch by Kelley in Hope’s closet, the two had backed away from taking it any further. Because, yes it had been two months already, but the two still had not talked about their relationship status, and contrary to what their friends thought, the two had done nothing more than that encounter. 

Ashlyn and Ali teased, and Kelley really never corrected them when they assumed that the two have had sex. That was between Hope and herself, and the two silently agreed that it wasn’t a topic that they would be talking to anyone else about, and something that was not meant to be rushed.

 

\--

 

Hope started noticing Marcus’ presence around the house a little more after that. Everyday after practice, her and Kelley would walk in the door, and Marcus would be sitting on the living room couch, watching some tv show on G4. It was weird for Hope because usually her brother would be holed up in his room, ignoring anyone’s presence. Sometimes it saddened her, knowing that he had kind of dropped off the face of the earth. He had graduated from high school three years ago and he was still here in the house, with no aspirations, no job, and no plan on how to get out of this town. She would never tell him that he was her inspiration to become something great, because quite frankly, he wasn’t and she never wanted to be like him.

One evening, when her and Kelley walked out of the locker room at school after winning a hard-fought, exhausting game, Hope saw Marcus’ truck parked, with the engine still running, outside the locker room. He honked when he caught sight of his sister, and she jogged over to his truck, completely thrown off to see him there.

“Hey dude, what are you doing here?” Hope said with a confused expression.

“I brought you chipotle, you’re favorite.” He said. _Is he smiling? I don’t know..I don’t understand if this is a joke or if the world is ending, or..._ He held up the brown bag and he took out three burritos.

“I’ll take you and Kelley home.” He said as he put the car in drive, and waited for the two confused girls to hop in.

It was a single cab truck and so the three squeezed into the vehicle with little room as they placed their school and soccer bags onto their laps.

“So, Kell. I didn’t know you were that good of a goal-scorer.” Marcus said, nonchalantly. Both girls eyes widened.

“You came to our game?” Kelley said in disbelief. Hope’s expression mirrored that of Kelley’s. If she thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time Marcus came to see any of her games. None with the school, club, or national.

“Yeah, well..I was bored.” he said with an awkward grin. _yep I think that is Marcus’ attempt at...smiling?_ “Plus, I just didn’t believe that my sister is actually a nationally ranked player.” He said as he scoffed. 

“I guess, you’re alright” He added with a wry smile. Hope rolled her eyes, but inside she felt all warm inside. Not that she would ever admit it, but knowing that Marcus had gone to her game devastated Hope in the best and worst way possible.

Marcus looked a lot like their dad. The color of his skin, eyes, their large and booming voice, and even their tendencies were so similar. Sometimes it hurt Hope to look at him and see him do nothing with his life, knowing that their dad didn’t have his chance to do that anymore. And, her dad was always at her games, even if it was in the corner and a safe distance away from her mom, and Marcus had never shown any interest in the one constant thing in her life. Over the years, she had learned to just ignore him and put her disappointment in him in a box, stowed away.

But finding out that he had gone to her game, that it was possible that she could have looked out in the stands and seen a mini version of her dad watching her, that made her feel so many emotions that made her chest ache and a single tear to escape from her right eye, one that she quickly wiped away.

Kelley saw the quick swipe of Hope’s hand along the side of her eyes, and without having to point it out, laid her head on Hope’s shoulder and held Hope’s hand discreetly between their legs so that Marcus could not see it. Hope made no move of acknowledgment of Kelley’s gestures, but she didn’t need it. She knew Hope.

 

\--

Hope took one look at her calculus textbook and chucked it across the room. _No fucking way._ She pulled the covers of the bed and slipped under them. As soon as the blanket fell back onto her, Hope could feel the exhaustion cloak her body. Her hands were sore from being bent backwards from what felt like a ninety mile per hour shot that she had blocked earlier that day, her calves were burning from the many jumping saves she had to make, and her eyelids were drooping slowly at the soothing sound of the shower that Kelley was running in the background. The night slowly took her.

Most nights, Hope Solo did not have dreams. But if she did, they were always about Kelley. Sometimes they were the most random dreams that just happened to feature the forward, but on rare nights, Hope would suddenly wake up at 5:00am with a throbbing ache in between her legs and the remnants of a dream about Kelley’s lips. Tonight was one of those rare nights.

In the movie picture playing in her brain, she could see Kelley walking in the parking lot at school in her soccer uniform. Her skin glistened with sweat and her little baby hairs went everywhere since her hair was down and flowing over her shoulder. She was walking alone and had made it across the parking lot until a Jeep had pulled up next to her. Kelley smiled and got in.

Now Hope’s point of view switched to that of the driver of the Jeep. She saw Kelley give her signature smirk and then lean in to give her a kiss, just like they had grown so accustomed to doing whenever the saw each other, although it was always in private. Hope had closed her eyes and enjoyed the satisfying touch of Kelley’s lips on her own. She pulled away to continue driving, but the forward growled, “Oh no, I’m not fucking done with you.”

It was a quiet, commanding tone that Hope found so sexy when it came from Kelley. While her lips locked with the forwards, she expertly put the vehicle in park and grabbed the sides of Kelley’s head to reign her in. She could hear Kelley’s skin slide up along the leather as she shimmied her body onto Hope’s so that she was straight up straddling her in the driver’s seat.

Hope inhaled Kelley’s scent, which made her brain buzz and her inner thighs tingle. Kelley expertly grazed her teeth along Hope’s bottom lip, and grinded down even harder into Hope’s lap. The keeper’s brain, and the section in between her legs couldn’t handle the instant pressure that was building there. She bit down onto Kelley’ neck and the loudest, most intense and arousing moan escaped from Kelley. It was a release of pleasure, a sound that Hope had never heard before, a sound that seemed to have awaken something in her. Hope furiously ran her mouth up and down the left side of Kelley’s neck, and was rewarded with more moans that escaped from the forward.

She felt Kelley’s tiny hands slowly run up and down her arms and grab onto her muscles every time she bit down into the skin on her neck. Hope quickly tore off Kelley’s jersey and started peppering small kisses on her collarbone. She felt Kelley’s hand travel from her arms, to her chest, and down the length of her stomach. Hope could sense Kelley’s hesitation as she herself slowed down the pace of her kisses in order to bring Kelley closer.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Hope whispered. Kelley gripped her arm tighter and looked her straight in the eye.

“I want to, I trust you.” The forward said as her chest heaved. Hope saw the look in Kelley’s eyes and then brought her face closer to hers, and brought her into the sweetest and gentlest kiss as Kelley slowly put her hand in Hope’s shorts and her grip tightened around the rock hard appendage in between Hope’s legs.

“God, you’re so hard, Adam.” Kelley whispered into her ear.

Hope’s eyes shot wide open from her dream.

 

 

\--

 

She was breathing heavy and she could feel the fan cooling the temperature of the sweat that had gathered on her temple. She had absolutely no idea what had just happened. She jerked when she felt Kelley, real-life Kelley, grab her hand.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kelley asked quickly. She inched her body on top of Hope’s and caressed her face in a protective manner. Hope took a second to catch her breath before answering and her eyes darted across the room to take in the sights, to make sure she was in fact awake. Her eyes landed on Kelley and she could see the her hair was still dripping wet from the shower she had probably just go out of.

“I’m okay. I’m okay. Just...weird dream.” Hope said as she shook her head, hoping that it would get rid of the dream.

Kelley looked relieved.

“Good. I just thought-” Kelley just shook her head before finishing.

“You just thought wha-” The keeper didn’t finish her sentence either when she caught sight of Kelley. All of her. In the middle of her sentence, Kelley had sat up with her thighs straddling Hope’s and the moonlight perfectly illuminating the forward’s small torso. Kelley’s dark and soaking wet hair messily gathered onto her left shoulder and Hope could see a trail of water drip from her dark hair onto her milky white skin. Hope’s eyes followed the wet trail that cascaded down onto Kelley’s exposed breast.

Hope gulped.

Kelley was a perfectly shaped black and white vision of a beautiful doll to the keeper’s adjusting eyes. She had never seen this much of Kelley, for this amount of time, this close up, ever. She studied the valleys in between the muscles in her abs and her eyes trailed down to the small tuft of hair that trailed down and disappeared into the area between her legs. Hope’s chest heaved as she realized the immensity of what Kelley was doing. She also couldn’t quite believe that this was really happening. Perhaps this was still a dream. 

The forward was studying Hope, and when the keeper’s eyes had landed back on hers, she tentatively leaned forward to plant a kiss on Hope’s lips. _This is definitely not a dream._ Kelley gently pulled Hope up by the front of her shirt and lifted Hope’s t-shirt off. Hope sat up with the heels of her palm digging into the soft mattress beneath them. Kelley’s body hovered over a very still Hope Solo. She sensed the tension and the rigidness of the keeper beneath her. She pulled away and searched the keeper’s eyes.

“W-We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Kelley said panickedly. “H-Hope. I didn’t mean t-”

Hope quickly grabbed the sides of Kelley’s face, interrupting her.

“No. I want to. I trust you.” Hope said while she nodded and panted. As the words escaped her mouth, the words felt oddly familiar, but the sight of Kelley’s dilated eyes and freckles made visible by the moonlight pushed all other thoughts out of her brain.She was too out of breath from being nervous and simultaneously turned on, but she hoped that Kelley understood that right now, she wanted nothing more. 

“You do?” Kelley said. She was breathing heavy too and her smile stretched from each side of her face.

In response, Hope held Kelley’s small body and flipped them so that she was on top now. She sensed the uncharacteristic timidness of Kelley O’Hara beneath her, the tell in her widened eyes.

“Do you trust me?” Hope said. Kelley furiously nodded her head.

Hope felt the dregs of a fading dream and the arousal that came with it as she felt the slickness on her fingertips when she timidly placed her fingers on top of Kelley’s clit. She expertly ran her three fingers up and down Kelley’s folds and softly studied Kelley’s face to gauge her reaction. Kelley’s pupils rolled in and out of view as her neck craned back and her breathing became ragged. She softly called out Hope’s name as she looped her fingers around the straps of Hope’s bra and pulled her in closer. The keeper could feel Kelley’s warm breath on her cheeks and she breathed in the scent of Kelley’s skin, a scent she grew to become familiar with.

Hope picked up the pace that her fingers set and Kelley hungrily searched for Hope’s mouth to latch onto hers. Their lips expertly piloted around each other’s and gave to each other the expert combination of bruised lips and soft tongues running up and down the soft skin down each other’s jawline and necks. The keeper could feel Kelley’s core tense underneath her arms and it was becoming harder for Kelley to keep in sync with Hope’s lips as she gasped and moaned. 

Much to Kelley’s dismay, Hope removed her hand.

“No! What are-” Kelley yelled. Hope’s mouth on her lips quieted the forward. Hope pushed the back of Kelley’s thighs up so that her hamstrings were pushing into Hope’s core and she hovered over the smaller girl. She peppered more kisses sweetly onto Kelley’s face. Her mouth trailed down to her neck and found Kelley’s collarbone, once again. Hope’s mouth expertly massaged Kelley’s nipples for a moment, then her mouth trailed down.

Kelley quickly grabbed Hope’s face and brought her up to level with her. Surprised by Kelley’s swift gesture, Hope intensely studied the forward’s face. She could see the muscles in Kelley’s jaw clenched, and her eyes were darting back and forth in between her own. It was vulnerable and inviting and dismantling all at the same time to see Kelley like this. Hope had never seen fear in Kelley O’Hara’s eyes before, and she was pretty sure that this was it.

“Are you scared?” Hope whispered. She cradled Kelley, who just nodded as her chest heaved and her breathing, heavy.

“Do you want me to stop?” Hope tenderly asked. The forward shook her head. Hope’s heart swelled.

She softly grabbed the two hands that were cupping her own face and placed a kiss on each of Kelley’s fingers. She could feel the forward’s body loosen, a little. Hope stared deeply into Kelley’s eyes to give one last look, one last kiss, and then slowly inched downwards. The forward’s body started to tense again as Hope’s tongue trailed down her abs.

When the keeper finally reached her destination, she could feel the heat and wetness from Kelley. She ran her tongue lightly, barely touching Kelley’s clit, in between her legs, and felt the visible shudder that ran through the forward as Hope registered the way Kelley tasted. It drove her crazy. The sound of Kelley’s intial moan, strong grip of her hand of the back of Hope’s bun, and that savory taste in Hope’s mouth all mixed together put Hope Solo into overdrive. Her tongue kept pace and pressed further into Kelley, but not too much pressure so that the girl couldn’t feel the arousing surface of Hope’s tongue. 

Hope’s face rythmically worked her mouth over Kelley, who was starting to come apart. With each stroke of the keeper’s tongue, she began breathing heavier and heavier, her moans were becoming louder and louder.

“Kell! Keep it down!” Hope quietly hushed before she resumed her motions.

“Shut up.” Kelley said in between moans. She looked to her side and dramatically placed a pillow over her head. Hope quickly removed it, not wanting to miss any moment of this. Kelley complied and dug the heels of her palm into her eyes and into her mouth to keep quiet. Every so often a whimper or a soft expletive would escape.

Hope had to tame Kelley’s wildly thrashing legs and pinned them down with her elbows, causing her to slow her pace. Hope thrusted a finger inside of Kelley, slowly, while she kept the rhythm of her tongue.

“Fuck. Please don’t stop, Hope.” It was a cry, a plea for pleasure. It was a beautiful sound. As her warm tongue pulsed up and down Kelley’s clit at the speed similar to the final stretch of a 400m race, Hope could see Kelley’s stomach flex up and down and feel the muscles of her core shake and her body arch a little.

Kelley saw stars behind her eyelids and felt the most intense pressure and pleasure that she never knew could exist build up deep within her core and between her legs. She panted as Hope’s tongue stroked up and down. Up and down. It pumped the inevitable release of what was probably going to be the best feeling in the world. Kelley could feel her body shake and rock and she was almost there.

At last, the pent up tension reached it’s limit and everything Kelley knew, erupted. The stars turned into fireworks, her quietly muffled gasps morphed into one long moan of Hope’s name, and it seemed like the blood had all rushed to Kelley’s legs or her brain. She didn’t know. She grabbed her hair and pulled it in order to contain her overwhelming desire to squeeze something, anything.The pleasure originated from her clit into her core and spread all throughout her body. Hope’s strong hands wrangled her down into place as the pleasure quickly turned into an ache. One that left you feeling sore in all the right places. The forward was dizzy from the rollercoaster of emotions and arousal, and she felt a ringing in her ears.

Kelley was unsure of how long it took for her breathing to level out, but she reached for Hope. All she wanted was to be held and cradled by the person responsible for the most incredible feeling in the world. She watched as Hope crawled her way back up her. Kelley, exhausted and sweaty, climbed on top of Hope and laid her forehead on the keeper’s. She didn’t have the breath to say all she wanted, but the silence seemed to be enough. Hope put her arms around the girl and the two laid in each other’s arms.

“I love you.” Kelley whispered.

Hope ran her fingers through Kelley’s almost dry hair and wiped the cool sweat off of Kelley’s face, who had raised her head in order to observe Hope.

“I love you, too.” Hope whispered softly. 

“Are you tired?” Kelley asked. Hope chuckled and shook her head.

“Good.” Kelley said with that familiar glint in her eye.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can leave your thoughts, or you don't have to.
> 
>  
> 
> -Wretched.


	7. Baby Blue Beamer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I missed you, Solo.” Kelley whispered and she held Hope’s face. The goalie nodded back in response and kissed her again. It had felt like ages since they had last kissed. And once they got started, it was hard to get them to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, I had some time on my hands.

\--

Kelley set her cup of coffee on the kitchen table and her backpack on the ground. She sat and sipped the warm liquid in her cup and savored the silence that the Solo house brought in the morning. She let her thoughts wander to the sound of Hope’s moan, the sensation of Hope’s calloused hands running down the length of her thighs, and the amazing sensation that Kelley never knew was possible. She had never felt anything like that the times she went to bed with someone before that. It was an unforgettable feeling. The skin, the saliva, and the satisfaction were playing over and over, sending chills down her spine, and flushing blood to her cheeks.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Judy Solo’s entrance. The mother's eyes were red with exhaustion, but a tired smile busted on her face at the sight of a fresh-faced Kelley.

“Well, you absolutely glow in the morning! I wish my daughter would dress as cute as you!” Judy said as she took the forward into her arms and gave her a hug. Kelley just gave her a thank-you squeeze to the arm, thankful for the woman's contact, before Judy disappeared into her bedroom, where she undoubtedly would pass out from a grueling night shift.

The warmth and love of her second mother’s presence was still on her cheeks when Marcus strode into the kitchen.

“Hey, buttface.” He said before he poured himself a cup from the pot Kelley had made.

“Oh the Solo charm, making its appearance so early in the morning.” Kelley responded. She was a little thrown off when Marcus actually sat down at the table with her. He usually just shuffled and groaned his way through the kitchen. But she shrugged it off because now that she thought about it, he was starting to show his face a little more.

“So, what did you think of the game last night?” Kelley asked.

“Eh. You guys were pretty good.” Marcus offered with a shrug of his shoulders. Kelley just scoffed. _I swear, these Solo’s._ Marcus chuckled.

“Okay, you guys are awesome. That tan chick...she has the name of a candy bar..anyways, she’s fucking gold. And that blonde chick, in the defense, she’s right in front of my sister when she is on the field, yeah she’s pretty hot.” The Solo brother said seriously.

“Ew, Solo. Julie’s like a sophomore, dude. Six years younger than you.” Kelley said with a upturned nose. He just shrugged.

“Ooo! And that little chick with the short hair. She’s in defense, too. She’s feisty. I like it.” He said. Kelley just shook her head and chuckled at his ridiculousness.

“Anyways, O’Hara. You were killing it in the box. I didn’t know that you were such a beast. Fucking two goals! I must say, you kinda scared me, I didn’t know you packed that much punch.” He said as he playfully punched her arm. She smiled and dusted off her shoulders.

“What about your sister?” She asked. This was what she really wanted to know. She watched his face carefully.

“Well. Hope is...Hope.” He finished lamely. “My lil’ sis is something special.” A small warm smile spread across his face. “I don’t think anyone will ever compare to her in goal. No one.”

“So why’d you really come out there yesterday?” Kelley asked with raised eyebrows over her mug. “Because you and I both know that if you were bored, you would have just watched some TV.”

Marcus sighed. He knew he was caught. He just took a sip from his mug, while Kelley waited for his response. When he realized that she was not going to let it go, he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, Okay. So....I’ve been seeing someone.” Marcus said quietly.

“Oh.” Kelley said, confused and surprised. She was curious to see how this related to him coming to a soccer match. Plus, it wasn’t like Marcus was not a capable of pulling women, but it was just so weird to think that anyone liked him. _Then again, he’s just like Hope. My Hope. Maybe it isn’t that weird._ She looked Marcus up and down and registered the physical features that he shared with Hope. The strong jaw line, the intense ocean blue eyes, the strong physical frame. _Okay, I take it back. All of the Solos are hot._

“Yep. She’s got a daughter. I’ve been helping her out with her. ” Marcus said and instinctively flinched, awaiting Kelley’s judgement. When he realized that Kelley’s face hadn’t changed, he continued.

“And, I’ve been spending a lot of time with them, and her little kid plays soccer. She’s actually really good and I took her out to the fields. I don’t know...it kinda made me think about Hope and just how much I haven’t really been there for her and her soccer thing.” He said quietly. 

“It just kinda made me sad. And when I told Cindy, the girl I’m seeing, that my sister was a really good goalie, she started asking me all of these questions about her. And then, I realized...I didn’t know any of the answers.” He paused. Kelley could feel man tears coming on. _Oh no. I can’t handle man tears so early in the morning._ But he managed to push it back.

“And I just thought about how I didn’t really get to know dad that much. It’d be a fucking shame if I didn’t get to know who Hope was. Because she’s a badass, apparently.” He said a smile.

“She is.” Kelley quietly whispered. She smiled really big at him.

“Yeah, family is important. I forgot that for a long time.” He said with a grimace. That statement launched Kelley into her own thoughts.

_Family is important._

She repeated Marcus’ words over and over, feeling the heavy weight of it’s meaning, and it’s power. She was jolted out of her thoughts when Hope’s head peaked through the kitchen door.

“You’ve seen my calculus textbook?” Hope asked, she had that flustered expression that Kelley found so endearing for some reason.

“Yeah, I think I saw it on the floor in your room, actually. It may be where all the laundry is.” Kelley recalled. She saw Hope’s face progress from confusion to recollection and then realization. She made her way back upstairs.

“W-w-wait. Let me see you.” Kelley said and waited until Hope had walked back through the door. She took in the sight of her outfit. Hope rolled her eyes, knowing what Kelley was doing.

“Kell.” She whined.

“What?! Look at how much you’ve improved already!” Kelley said in defense as she pointed to the upgrade in wardrobe of a v-neck shirt and jeans that Hope Solo was wearing. Hope just rolled her eyes and pouted like an embarrassed five-year-old as she filled her travel mug with the remaining amount of coffee in the pot.

“Sexy Solo, go and get your stuff, we’re gonna be late.” Kelley said with a grin and a hint of authority. Hope scowled in response but trudged up the stairs, nevertheless. Kelley reveled in the satisfaction of earning a sexy scowl and eventual compliance from the big bad keeper. She pulled out her phone and used the selfie option to inspect her appearance, making sure that she looked good, after all, it was the first time Hope had seen her in the light of day after last night. Kelley almost forgot Marcus was there.

“You know, my sister is going to think you’re hot, no matter what you look like.” He said with a snort and a tone full of derision. Her cheeks felt hot and she couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. She just smiled into her cup and took one last sip instead of responding. She could see his wiggling eyebrows in the corner of her eye. She desperately needed a change of subject.

“So. Why haven’t we met this Cindy chick? Where have you been hiding her?” Kelley asked after clearing her throat.

“Well, I mostly hang out with her when you kids are in school. She’s like my mom, she works evening shifts. I mostly just go over and see her when she gets off of work” He said, deciding to give the forward a break.

“Oh! So that’s where you go off to in the middle of the night!” Kelley said, excitedly. She rinsed her cup in the sink and placed it in the dishwasher. She could hear Hope coming down the staircase.

“Yeah. I made the mistake of not going out last night though.” He said, quietly. Kelley stopped in her tracks.

“W-What do you mean?” She said, instantly regretting it. She didn’t want to know what he meant. She didn’t want to know the answer. 

“You owe me a pair of noise-cancelling headphones.” He said in her ear as he made his way to put his cup in the sink, as well. Kelley could hear the smirk in his voice, and she just wanted to die. Hope walked in and saved her.

“O’Hara. Let’s go.” Hope said as she put her sunglasses on.

“You kids be safe.” Marcus said. Kelley was pretty sure that she was dead, and Hope just grunted in response and led the pair out.

 

\--

 

Kelley O’Hara couldn’t handle the Solo’s today. She took one look at Hope’s bulging biceps and the way her shirt was hugging them. _Good Lord._

The two continued their familiar and peaceful walk, with Kelley lagging a little behind, not so secretly checking Hope out.

“Stop.” Hope said in a small whine, clearly embarrassed, yet loving the attention. Kelley didn’t let up though.

“What? I can’t check you out?” Kelley said. She grabbed onto Hope’s arm as they walked. The keeper just shook her head at Kelley’s ridiculousness, but internally congratulated herself on her choice of outfit. 

“Well, you look gorgeous today.” Hope offered with a smile.

“Oh. You like me in anything I have on, Solo.” Kelley teased, but her smile was genuine at the compliment.

“Actually, I like you with nothing on.” Hope said. The two just looked at each other with the widest grins, trying so hard not to laugh at the pun. They were not successful, and the two broke out in a fit of giggles.

“Oh god. I love you.” Kelley said at the tail end of a hearty laugh. She beamed up at Hope as she continued to hold on to her arm. The taller girl smiled softly down at her. She loved her too.

“By the way...last night...” Hope slowly tried her best to get out the words. But her embarrassment was kicking in. “Was I....was it.....okay?” She was instantly red in the face.

“You know, Solo. Sometimes I think you’re lying to me when you tell me that you’ve never been with a girl.” Kelley says with a smirk.

“What?” Hope asked defensively.

“Chill, Hopey. I’m giving you a compliment.” She said softly.

“Hey, Kell.” Adam’s voice broke through their bubble. The girls broke apart as the boy pulled up in his jeep beside them. Hope scowled at this sight of him, and her heart dropped at how fast Kelley had let go of her at the sound of his voice. The forward nodded in his direction to acknowledge him.

“Hey, I just got off the phone with your dad. He called me because he knew I could get a hold of you the fastest. Jerry’s in the hospital.” Adam said gravelly. Kelley sprinted over to his window.

“What?? Is he okay??” Kelley yelled. Her voice sounded like she was already on the verge of tears already.

“Said that some idiot clipped him while he was biking to school. Said he’s okay, but a few broken bones and scrapes.” 

“Fuck.” Kelley cried into her hands. Adam looked straight at Hope before saying, “Look, he told me that he’s at St. Bridget’s hospital on 5th. He asked me if I can take you.”

At that, Kelley nodded her head and sprinted to the passenger side of his car. She threw her soccer bag in and then remembered that Hope was still in the sidewalk. She held up her finger to Adam and sprinted back over to her.

“Hope, I-” She started speaking as she got closer to the girl. But Hope just shook her head.

“Go. Jerry needs you. Family is important.” Hope urged her softly. She could see the tears welling in Kelley’s already.

“I’ll be here.” She whispered. Kelley nodded at that and then hopped into Adam’s car. He booked it down the street.

Hope stood in place. She was in shock at the news and at the thought of Jerry all banged up and lying in a hospital bed. She didn’t think Kelley could handle it. But that’s not all that bothered her. And, she felt guilty about it.

Her stomach felt sick at the oddly familiar sight of Kelley driving away with Adam in his jeep. She didn’t know why, but it was like deja vu and she suddenly felt a sour flavor spread throughout the sides of her mouth. It was coming all so suddenly. 

Hope Solo threw up on the side of the road once the car turned the corner. The vomit, the surprise, and the dread, and the foreshadowing of something she couldn't quite put her finger on came tumbling out of her. She was doubled over with her hands on her knees and her chest heaved as the saliva pooled around her mouth. Her eyes bulged and watered and she quickly looked around to see if anyone had witnessed what had just happened. She was in the clear.

This had only happened once before in her life. The instant, out of nowhere vomit, that is. It came after a penalty shoot out with Japan when she was on the U15 national team. She had failed to make any sort of saves, costing them the tournament. After the Japanese team ran onto the field, Hope had sprinted to the back of the net where she let out the contents of her stomach. She couldn’t really explain why her body chose to react this way, but she knew that she felt the same way she did on the day they played Japan.

She wiped her mouth on her forearm and spit all of what could have been left over and then continued walking.

 

\--

 

“Okay, but I still don’t understand what happened?” Christen said as she looked up at the ceiling. She was leaning on the lockers next to Ashlyn’s.

“I don’t either, Chris.” Ashlyn said, she looked defeated and tired as she continued to arrange the contents in her locker.

“Well, then fix it Ash! She’s just different now!” Christen yelled. She quickly looked around to see if anyone one was around. There wasn’t.

“You know CP, that none of this was my fault. You and I both know that.” Ashlyn said with narrowed eyes. Christen Press just groaned at that.

“Okay, fine. I made a mistake. I didn’t know, Ash!” The blonde keeper scoffed at that.

“How in the world, did you not know??” She said. Her voice was starting to equal the volume of the forward.

“I just didn’t! Okay??” Christen yelled back.

“Oh and Heath having her hair down wasn’t a hint?” The pair turned around at the sound of Hope Solo’s voice. It sounded rough. Ashlyn and Christen’s eyes widened at the thought of being overheard as Hope just nonchalantly walked over to her locker next to Ashlyn.

“Hey, are you, okay? You don’t look too good.” Christen said to Hope. She just waved her off and nodded her head. She hated it when people asked her how she was doing.

“Are you sure, dude? You look kind of sick.” Ashlyn turned to look over at her. She placed her hand on Hope’s forehead, only for it to be swatted away.

“Anyway. Where is Kelley?” Ashlyn asked, looking around, expecting for the girl to walk in at any moment.

“Little Jer is in the hospital. He got hit by a car this morning.” It was met with gasps from her two friends. She quickly added in, “He’s stable. He just has a bunch of broken bones, I think.”

“You think? How do you not know?” Christen persisted.

“Uhh that Adam kid picked her up right outside of my house. Told her that his dad called him so that he could take her there.” Hope said quietly. She closed the door to her locker a little harder than usual when she finished unpacking.

“Oh yeah, I think my mom told her dad that she was staying with you.” Christen said. Hope just nodded at the information and sat down on the benches. Christen and Ashlyn joined her.

“I hope the little man is okay.” Ashlyn quietly said. “Is Kelley, okay? Did she seem okay?”

Hope tried her hardest not to think about the feeling she got when she watched her drive away in Adam’s car. She just noncommittally shrugged her shoulders in response.

“Hey, how are you two?” Ashlyn said quietly. Her and Christen both leaned in, very curious.

“We’re good.” Hope said. She could see that her friends were totally unsatisfied with that answer.

“So...are you guys a couple, yet?” Christen asked. 

“Uh..I mean we haven’t really talked about it.” It was true, they hadn’t really approached the subject since the day Kelley hung out with Erin. A good amount of time had passed since then, and now that Hope was sitting down and thinking about it, she felt uneasy at the realization. She didn’t really know why the two hadn’t made it official. 

“What do you guys talk about?” Christen asked, in pure disbelief that they had not made it official yet.

“Well I guess they don’t really talk, Pressy.” Ashlyn said with a smirk. The two exchanged high fives. Hope Solo just shook her head at the two.

“But in all seriousness, why haven’t you guys talked about it?” Christen asked, again. Hope was becoming increasingly frustrated at the line of questioning.

“I don’t know! Why haven’t you talked to Tobin about things?” Hope shot back. But, Christen was not going to stand down.

“Because, Solo. That’s something entirely different, and you know it. So, seriously. Why do you think you guys haven’t talked about it?” Both her and Ashlyn were studying Hope’s face, who seemed to really be thinking about it.

“I don’t know. I mean, Kelley and I talk about everything.. But I guess I just want to give her..space? I mean, I know that’s hard since we spend like 24/7 together, but..I don’t know what I’m trying to say..” Hope trailed off. But her two friends nodded encouragingly. So Hope gave it another try.

“I guess...We talk about everything, right? But I can tell there are somethings she’s not ready to talk about. And we all know that with Kelley, if she isn’t ready to talk about it, she’s not going to. There’s absolutely nothing you can do about it, she just won’t talk about it. Like, with her family. I tried pushing it once, and that ended horribly. College, she doesn’t like to talk about, I mean, neither do I, so I guess that’s fair..But I guess, i’m just going to give her all the time she needs. There’s no point in trying to push it, with Kelley. I guess, I‘m just operating on her timeline.” Her friends nodded along and digested Hope’s explanation. But Christen, narrowed her eyes, unconvinced.

“I understand, but somehow, I find that hard to believe.” Christen said, shrewdly.

“How so?” Hope questioned.

“Well, you’re right, Kell is horrible when it comes to opening up about the hard stuff, but we all know KO. When she wants something, she goes and gets it. Like, literally doesn’t matter what is standing in the way. Girl is feisty. AND, I know for a fact that THAT applies to you.” Christen said and pointed at Hope, who gave a shy smile.

“Girl has had heart eyes for you since like, the first grade.” Ashlyn nodded in agreement with that statement. “I mean, do you remember that game two years ago against Mountain Ridge from out of state when we played your friend, Carli?” Hope nodded, trying to recollect the memory. “Before the game, you were hugging her and catching up because you guys hadn’t seen each other in forever. And I was sitting next to Kelley, who was absolutely LIVID that some chick was ‘all over you’ and then she ended up being ejected from the game. You remember that?”

Hope slowly nodded, remembering that Kelley did get her second yellow for persistence in fouling her best friend from summer camp. It hit her all of sudden. _Kelley’s always been mine. And I’ve always been hers._

“So, I’m just surprised. She’s always wanted you.This is not something that she’s ‘uncertain’ about or something that she wouldn’t be ready to talk about.” Christen said. Hope didn’t want to think about how true that statement was. She couldn’t really give them an answer as to why things were the way they were.

Ashlyn could sense the uneasiness coming from the main keeper and then kindly offered a change of subject.

“So. Team party at my house not this friday, but the next? My parents are going out of town for a conference.” Ashlyn said with a wink and thumbs up. The two ginned and high-fived.

“Are you going to invite, Tobs?” Hope said with a raised eyebrow. Ashlyn rolled her eyes.

“Of course I am. I still love her. She just hates me.” Ashlyn said sadly. The trio walked out of the locker room and Hope couldn’t help but observe the crestfallen face of Christen Press.

 

\--

 

H: Let me kno if Jer is okay. You too. [10:57 am]

K: He’s okay! He broke his arm and he has gnarly scrape on both of his shins. It’s nasty. [11:37 am]

K: I miss you. I’m sorry I left you on our morning walk :( [11:38 am]

K: I never got to tell you that I had an amazing night last night. [11:39 am]

H: I did too. Thinking about you. [12:23 pm]

K: I love you Hope Solo [12:23 pm]

Hope’s heart skipped a beat, seeing it in writing.

H: I love you too, kid. [12:24 pm]

Hope put her phone back into her pocket, satisfied that Kelley was okay. She had gotten antsy during english class when she realized that this was going to be the first time that Kelley was going to see her family in a long time. She kept messing with her phone, which she strategically placed behind the shoulder of the boy in front of her, in order to hide it from their teacher. She finally decided to send the first text when she couldn’t handle not hearing from her basically-girlfriend. She didn’t hear from Kelley again that day at school, and Hope internally tried to convince herself to stop being selfish, and that the forward needed some time with her family.

\--

Hope just shook her head in response when Tobin pointed at Kelley’s untouched locker, silently questioning if she had come back. They all got changed and headed out for practice.

“Hey, is that Dani chick into girls?” Pinoe asked her as they walked to the fields. Hope laughed at her friend’s brashness.

“I don’t know, Pinoe. You should ask.”

“Oh. I. Will.” the midfielder said with confidence.

 

\--

 

Dani served yet another low ball that skipped past Hope’s outreached arms.

“Solo, what the hell? What’s going on with you, today?” The older woman said with a look of disbelief plastered on her face. That was the eighth one that the younger keeper had let by today. This was the third time that the alumni had come to help out the younger kids, and she was not impressed by what she was seeing today.

“I’m sorry. I’m just. My game’s off today.” She said with a sigh and undid the velcro on the straps of her gloves. She sat down next to goal and the older girl sat down next to her. They watched the rest of the girls go through a crossing drill.

“What’s on your mind, Solo? Is it boys? Because I’m telling you right now, they’re the last thing you should be thinking.” Dani said with a tone of authority. Hope laughed, and laughed. 

“No. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.” Hope said with a look.

“Ah!” Dani said. She seemed to have gotten the hint. “Well then what’s plaguing that mind of yours?” She said. Hope certainly had looked up to the older girl in front of her, and was entertaining the idea of actually striking up a close mentor relationship with her, when the girl interrupted her thoughts.

“C’mon spill it. I’m about the only person on this earth who knows what it’s like to be you. I’m here to help you. Is it college?” She asked. Hope sighed. She hated that topic.

“No, it’s not college.” Hope said with a definitive tone. “Why does everyone always want to talk about college?”

“Because you and I both know that the deadline is approaching for you to commit.” Dani said with a smirk. Hope groaned.

“Hey. I understand what you’re going through. So, if you need my help, I’m here. Seriously.” Dani said as she warmly patted Hope on the arm. She got up, signaling for them to go again at the goal. Hope put her gloves back on and got into position. Dani was about to serve a ball, but then she quickly pulled back and gave a thoughtful look.

“You’re game being thrown off doesn’t have to do with that O’Hara chick not being here, does it?” And then she quickly served the ball into the net, Hope not even moving from her spot, with her mouth wide open. Dani smirked when she saw the expression on the younger girl’s face.

“Okay, Solo. Now you gotta convince me why you’re going to be the national team’s next number one over me.” Dani said. Hope shook her head to get herself back into the mind set. She was more determined than ever to stop this next shot.

\--

 

“So Pinoe told me that she’s going to ask out Dani.” Tobin said to Hope as they walked home. The two chuckled. Hope noticed how Tobin was uncharacteristically leaning towards her, instead of Ashlyn and Christen who were in their own little conversation. The keeper decided to indulge her since Kelley was not here to distract the tan midfielder. Usually Hope just listened to their animated conversations in silence and enjoyed the feeling of Kelley’s small hand wrapped around her arm, a small reminder that she didn’t forget the keeper’s presence.

“She has no chance.” Hope said. Tobin chuckled and nodded her head in agreement. The two continued to walk.

“Hey. You know, whatever is going on with you and Ash, that doesn’t affect you and I, ya know.” Hope said quietly. She was never good with feelings, and Tobin wasn’t either. The two avoided each other’s eyes.

“Thank, HS.” Tobin said as she playfully punched Hope in the arm.

“No problem, Heath” The keeper said affectionately.

 

\--

 

It was ten in the evening when Hope had seen Adam’s jeep pull up on their street. He had stopped right in front of her driveway when Hope spotted them from her roof. The keeper had gotten restless when she had gotten home and found the house empty. No Marcus, No Kelley. It was too quiet, and Hope didn’t want to settle in the silence, knowing that it would bring sadness. She worked in her shop for a few hours before her hands were too tired to continue. She tried her hardest to go through her routine without the forward, but she abandoned it quickly and resolved to sulking in their favorite spot. She had expected that Kelley was not going to return that day, so she was surprised to see her hop out of Adam’s car. She heard the freckled-face girl call out a thank-you and waved to him when he walked into his house.

“Hey there, Solo.” Kelley called out to her with a small grin. She stood in the middle of the driveway, looking exhausted, but absolutely beaming at the sight of keeper in front of her. Hope had never been happier to see someone in her life. It took every ounce of willpower in her to not get up and sprint to the freckled-face girl. But Kelley knew better, she had to call her out.

“What, you’re not thrilled to see me?” Kelley said with raised eyebrows, her hands on her hip, and her infamous challenging glare. The keeper chuckled at that and shook her head.

“Come here.” Kelley said quietly and signaled Hope with her index finger. It was a soft command filled with lust, authority, a warning that Hope better close the distance in between them quickly or else. It was the best kind of demand to make of Hope and her heart experienced that familiar ache. She quickly got into the house and out the front door.

She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Kelley O’Hara’s fake, disapproving look. Before the forward could say anything, Hope pulled her in closer and held Kelley’s hands which were looped behind Hope’s neck. Kelley truly looked sad in that moment.

“I thought about you all day. Please tell me you missed me.” Kelley whispered and looked straight into Hope’s eyes.

“I missed you, kid.” Hope said softly. She squirmed a little of the feeling of her heart strings being tugged at as she realized the warm feeling that was spreading throughout her body. She relished at how good it felt to have Kelley in her arms. The forward rested her head in the nook of Hope’s neck and clung tightly to the taller girl.

The two stood like that while Kelley let her in on how her little brother was doing. She said that the driver had called in 911, thank god, and that the hospital had called her mom. Hope knew better than to push the subject of her family so she just peppered the small girl with kisses to the top of head while she spoke. The keeper noticed the slack expression in Kelley’s face and the slowing tempo in her voice after what must have been an hour of standing out there.

“Hey, let’s go to bed. You must be exhausted.” Hope whispered. 

“No, no, no, no” Kelley protested. But her body posture and drooping eyes betrayed her and she held onto Hope’s hand as she led her into her room.

As soon as the door closed, Kelley had slowly pushed her up against it. Kelley slowly leaned in a gently placed her lips on Hope’s.

“Hmmm. I missed that.” Kelley said with her eyes closed. Hope carried her to the bed with their lips tenderly locked. As she kissed her, she took in the unfamiliar scent that Kelley had on her. It smelled like hospital and axe deodorant. She tried to ignore the fact that Kelley didn’t smell like herself and instantly tensed at the sound of a small moan come from Kelley when Hope strategically bit down on her lower lip. As she continued, she could feel Kelley’s lips starting to move slower and slower, her eyes, never opening, and her body becoming very still, melting into the bed. Hope chuckled and slowly pulled away.

“No, come back.” Kelley softly whined. But she still didn’t open her eyes, and Hope could tell that it would be any moment now that sleep would take her.

“Kell, just go to sleep, I’ll be here.” She whispered.

“But I want to have sex with you” Kelley said. She opened her eyes and pouted. Hope softly laughed.

“You can have sex with me, anytime you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kelley gave a small smile before her eyes dropped closed, and she was out. Hope quietly padded across the room to turn off the light and then laid next to the girl. She observed her in the dark, thankful that she had her for at least one more night. It didn’t take very long for her to fall asleep, too.

 

\--

 

“Fuck, Hope.” Kelley gasped. Hope’s face was buried into Kelley’s shoulder and her right hand was furiously pumping two fingers into Kelley, while her she leaned on her left hand to hold her up. She had Kelley sitting on the stool with her back against the table when both of them realized how horny they both were, and how much better it would have been with both of their pants on the floor.

Hope continued to work her fingers in a rhythm and Kelley was grabbing onto handfuls of the keeper’s hair. Her body was shaking and Hope could feel Kelley’s muscles tighten and pulse around her fingers as the seat of the stool started to become slippery from the forward’s wetness and excitement. Kelley’s inability to keep quiet and her loud shallow breaths was enough to keep Hope going even though the lactic acid was building in her right arm.

“I’ll give you everything.” The forward whispered in her ear, with the last word coming out with a moan. To Hope, it was a promise, all she needed, to fall more in love. When it seemed like Kelley was about to keel over, Kelley quickly pulled Hope’s face and ran her fingers over Hope’s lips.

“I want this.” The forward said in a growl. Hope didn’t need to be told twice. She shoved all of the tools and random shit that was on the workshop table behind Kelley onto the floor and quickly hoisted Kelley on top of it. Not wanting to undo any of the work that her hands did, Hope’s mouth quickly met Kelley where it mattered the most. She had Kelley unraveled in less than ten seconds.

Thirty minutes passed with the two of them silently tracing letters into each other’s skin and leaving trails of kisses when Hope had the mindfulness to check the time. She gasped at the realization that their class after lunch had started two minutes ago, but the response of Kelley’s mouth trailing down her thigh told her that it was time for round two, and that she would be skipping for the rest of the day.

 

\--

 

Hope should have known that all good things had to come to an end. She should have known that she was feeling way too happy for it to last. She was walking through the parking lot with the usual gang, on their way home. She was looking at Kelley joking around with Tobin and Christen and managed to catch her eye. She flashed a quick smile only reserved for Hope and then went back to the animated story she was telling everyone else. Hope was smiling to herself, when she saw the three girls stop in their tracks. She followed their stares.

Dan O’Hara was parked a good distance away, and he was looking straight at his daughter with a sad expression. Kelley gave one last glance at Hope before she slowly walked over to the driver’s side window. Hope, Tobin, and Christen walked away, trying to give the father and daughter an appropriate amount of space.

Christen eyed Hope with widened eyes.

“What is that about?” Christen hushed. Hope just shrugged her shoulders and the three silently observed. The conversation seemed to have gotten along a lot better than the last time they saw each other. Dan seemed to have been crying and Kelley leaned in forward to give him a hug. She turned around and walked towards the trio, but Hope noticed that he still hadn’t drove away, and Kelley was eyeing her with a curious look.

“Hey, he wants me to go home with him.” Kelley said to the group, but she never took her eyes off of the keeper. Hope’s face fell, an act she instantly regretted. She knew that this was good news for her (girl)friend. She needn’t be so selfish. She nodded her head, trying to convince Kelley, and herself, that this was a good thing. Six months was enough time to have Kelley, it was time to give her back to her family. She tried to think about the smile that would be on Jerry’s face when he realized his big sister would be staying with them again.

“Good.” Hope’s voice cracked a little. She put her feelings aside when she could tell that there was a little amount of excitement bouncing around in her body.

“Can I call you?” Kelley asked with an earnest expression. Hope just nodded in response. Kelley gave her one last shirt tug and waved goodbye to the other two before she jogged back over to her dad's car. She waved at Hope before she got in and they drove away.

“I’m sorry, man.” Tobin said quietly before they started walking home, in silence.

 

\--

 

Tobin leaned back to get one last look at Hope who was walking down the main street.

“Why do I feel so bad for HS, and why am I not happy for KO?” Tobin said. She felt disappointed in herself. But she could feel the sadness coming off of her tall friend as they walked home.

“Because we all know that Hope can’t take a heartbreak. She’s too fragile. She’s a big ol’ softie.” Christen said. But, she too was feeling bad for the keeper. Hope’s demeanor had immediately changed when Kelley spoke of ‘home.’

“Yeah, I guess so. I would never tell her that.” Tobin said with a smirk. The two were nearing the street that Tobin usually turned on to get to her house, but she noticed that Christen continued walking with her. She didn’t say anything.

“Oh yeah. We can’t let Hope know how predictable she is. I think that’s her thing. She thinks that she’s this misunderstood creature who can never be happy, but she doesn’t realize that she is textbook.” Christen laughed.

“Well, when you put it that way..” Tobin nodded. They had reached Tobin’s driveway and the midfielder hesitated a little, not knowing what to do or why Christen had followed her all the way home.

“Wait, Tobs.” Christen said quietly. She grabbed Tobin’s wrist when the other girl turned towards her house. The midfielder winced at the touch, her walls that she was building over the past month were starting to crumble. All because of a little physical contact on her wrist. _Way to be strong, Heath._

“Are. Are we...okay?” Christen asked carefully. She held onto Tobin’s wrist, knowing that Tobin was likely to turn around and run away.

“Yeah, Chris, we are.” She said flatly. Christen could hear the bitterness in her voice, the anger for bringing the unspoken issue up.

“Are you and Ash okay?” Tobin just rolled her eyes.

“Tobin. Please don’t do this.” Christen pleaded. She was looking straight into the midfielder’s eye.

“Do what, Chris?” Tobin asked. She couldn’t look Christen straight in the eyes.

“Don’t fuck up your friendship with Ashlyn because of a mistake I made.” Christen responded quietly. She was met with silence. Tobin delicately removed Christen’s grip from her arm, gave her a soft ‘G’night’ and then walked into her house.

Tobin pulled out her phone after she threw her soccer bag on the floor and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek.

T: Did you tell CP that it was supposed to be a date? [9:21pm]

A: Dude. No. I wouldn’t do that to you. [9:21pm]

T: Then why is she telling me she now knows it was supposed to be. Someone had to have told her. [9:24 pm]

A: Idk dude maybe she figured it out herself. [9:25pm]

A: Okay, I know for a fact that she figured it out. She came to me and asked me. I didn't bring it up tho. [9:25pm]

2 missed calls from Ashlyn [9:45pm]

A: Cmon Tobs.

\--

 

“Hey, buttface.” Marcus called out. He turned around from the television when Hope did not answer with her usual grunt.

“Hey what’s wrong?” He called out to the girl. He lowered the volume and waited for her response. She just glared at him over the cup of water she had poured for herself.

“Yo, where’s Kell-bell? She owes me a pair of headphones.” He snickered. He was met with silence as Hope gulped down her glass.

“She’s at home. With her family.” Hope just said quietly. She poured herself another glass and chugged that too. Marcus turned the TV off. He could sense the anger or sadness, they usually came off the same way when it came to Hope Solo, that reverberated from her body. He felt a little sad, too.

“Want me to get out the gloves?” Marcus quietly asked.

“Sure.”

\--

The two Solo children spent the next two hours in the garage, with Marcus holding the padded gloves in his hand for his sister to punch, and Hope with their dad’s boxing gloves snug on her hands.

“C’mon you pussy!” Marcus yelled at her as his sister viciously sent a fierce combination into his gloves.

*Pop pop pop*

The sound of her gloves hitting the surface of the foam fell into a rhythm. The girl was dripping with sweat from head to toe, her brother beet red in the face from his version of ‘encouragement.’

“C’MON SOLO. YOU’RE WEAK! YOU’RE NOTHING! YOU’LL NEVER BE ANYTHING!” Marcus yelled into Hope’s face as she increased the force of her blows.

“YOU’LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH!” He said. His sister paused for the tiniest of seconds and then swung a right hook into the left corner of his jaw. He landed on his butt from the blow, and Hope stood there with wide eyes. She instantly pulled off the boxing gloves.

“Marcus, I’m so sorry.” Hope said. She instantly pulled her brother up, who was just smiling.

“Don’t apologize. You make a brother proud.” He said as he massaged the side of his jaw. The two awkwardly smiled at each other.

“I should probably hit the showers.” Hope said after an awkward moment of silence. She put their dad’s gloves on it’s designated hook and walked back into the house. Before she made it to the door, Marcus called out to her.

“You gonna be okay?” He asked. She sadly smiled.

“Yeah. Thanks for this, by the way.” She said quietly. He just nodded and watched her walk away.

 

\--

 

It was almost midnight when Hope had gotten out of the shower and she remembered to check her phone.

K: Having a dramatic conversation with the rents. Can I meet you somewhere tomorrow morning? [10:35pm]

K: I’ll pick you up in the morning. 9am?? [11:24pm]

Hope sighed at the realization that she was not going to get her promised call.

H: Sure. [12:07 am]

Hope snuggled in her bed and looked up at the ceiling. _How did I end up here? Sad, alone, and miserable. After six months.._ She looked over at the side where Kelley usually slept and grabbed her pillow. She inhaled Kelley’s familiar scent and she tried her hardest not to let the sadness overtake her. She wasn’t successful.

_Let it be known, Hope Solo. No good deed goes unpunished. Being nice only leaves you alone in your bed._ Tears started to well in her eyes, but she wiped them away furiously, mad at herself for letting the emotions slip out. _Get a grip. You knew that she was going to move out someday. Whether it was for college or if she had made up with her family. Stop being such a selfish bitch._

Hope got up and walked across her room, realizing that she wasn’t going to be able to sleep anytime soon. She walked into her closet and turned on the light. She didn’t think it was possible, but she felt even more broken when she saw all of Kelley’s clothes that inhabited her whole closet. She grabbed Kelley’s favorite t-shirt, a maroon Stanford shirt that she had gotten when they had visited their freshman year, and put it on before she walked back to bed. It had a more snug fit on Hope, but she found comfort in the thought that the threads that hugged her body, frequently hugged the forward.

She scrolled through Kelley’s instagram while she was in bed, trying to ignore the fact that she was being absolutely pathetic. She tossed and turned and somehow found sleep before the sun came up.

 

\--

 

It was 9:04 in the morning when Hope strode out of her door, to wait for Kelley to pick her up. She was still in the girls Stanford t-shirt and a pair of black leggings, ones that Kelley took an instant liking to. Hope sipped from her mug and put her sunglasses on the top of her head when she spotted a brand new, baby blue beamer roar down her street and immediately stop in front of her.

“Whatcha think?” Kelley said excitedly after she rolled the window down. Hope could smell the new-car scent and the new leather smell radiate from the car.

“Uh. I’m surprised.” Hope said. She stood stock still, surprised that Kelley was in this particular vehicle. It took her a few seconds to get over it as she walked around the car to inspect its body. It had to be brand new, it was the current year’s model. This was Kelley’s dream car. Not her oh-that-would-be-a-nice-dependable car. It was her _dream_ car. The make, the model, and even the ridiculous color.

“I know! I wanted to surprise you!” She said.

“Get in!” She said when Hope had failed to get closer. In fact, Hope had backed away from it. But she slowly opened the door when she caught sight of Kelley smiling like an idiot. She couldn’t resist.

Kelley leaned over the console and planted a passionate kiss on Hope’s lips. She lingered there and Hope pulled her in closer. It was the first time she felt whole again since she saw Dan’s car last night.

“I missed you, Solo.” Kelley whispered and she held Hope’s face. The goalie nodded back in response and kissed her again. It had felt like ages since they had last kissed. And once they got started, it was hard to get them to stop.

“Let’s ditch. Break in my new car.” Kelley said in between kisses. Hope groaned.

“I can’t Kell. I’m already doing so bad in calculus. I can’t go to college if I fail this one.” Hope warned when Kelley was getting ready to argue. 

“So this definitely means you’re going to Stanford, huh?” She asked with a smirk as she ran her finger across the college letter’s stretched across Hope’s chest.

“Nooooo. I just missed you last night.” She mumbled. She left out that she cried like a baby while she held onto the forward’s pillow and obsessively looked at pictures of her for an hour. Kelley grabbed Hope’s hand and placed it in her own lap and put the car in drive to get the car moving.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. I just had a LONG talk with my parents.” Kelley said quietly. She didn’t look at Hope who was studying her carefully. The keeper was deciding if she should push the subject.

“Was it a good talk?” Hope asked lightly.

“Yeaaaaaah.” Kell dragged out the last half of the word as she made a turn. “I guess so. I mean, my mom just said she was happy to have me back and my dad mostly just-. Anyways Jerry was so excited he slept in my bed with me. Annnnnnnd I got this new badass car!” She finished excitedly.

“When did you have the time to get this car?” Hope asked, confused as to when Kelley would have had the time last night.

“My dad bought it for me, yesterday. When he saw me in the parking lot after practice, he said he had a surprise for me. Wanted me to go home with him!” She said.

Hope Solo’s stomach flipped. She was getting that bad feeling again.

“Kell, I’m confused. So in less than 24 hours, you went from being excommunicated from your family, to being a golden child deserving of a brand new, 2016, fully loaded BMW?” Hope asked with a raised eyebrow.

“H-How does that even make sen-”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it. Okay? I have my parents, I have Jerry, I have this badass car, and I have you. That’s all that matters.” Kelley said, a little annoyed and impatient. Hope slowly removed her hand from where it was placed on Kelley’s lap. This was new territory for the keeper. They were both equally annoyed of each other, something that never happened, even when they shared the same bathroom.

Kelley sighed and grabbed Hope’s hand again, this time, holding onto it.

“Don’t do that.” Kelley quietly pleaded. They drove the short amount of distance into the school parking lot in silence. When Kelley had put the car in park and looked over at Hope, the keeper finally spoke.

“You know, you’re going to have to tell me what’s going on. Okay? I’m not going to let you ice me out on that.” Hope said with force.

“Why? Why can’t you just be happy for me?” Kelley said, equally as forceful.

“I want to be happy for you, Kell! But I mean, C’MON. What, daddy buys your affection with a new car and then all is forgiven? And then you expect me to just think ‘oh, okay, everything’s good?’” Hope scoffed. Kelley had let go of her hand at this point.

“Yeah, Hope! That’s exactly what I expect from you. I expect you to support me while I make re-connections with my family!” Kelley yelled.

“THIS ISN’T RE-CONNECTING KELLEY! This is your dad buying his way around you. He wants you to do whatever he wants, whatever the fuck you guys fought about it! And you can’t complain because you got what you wanted!” Hope spat back.

“Oh, so you’re giving me shit because I refused to accept a gift from my dad? He’s my dad, Hope! I didn’t hear you complain when I took you to school just now.” Hope just shook her head and leaned back in her seat.

“Where is all this judgement coming from? Why are you so upset with me?” Kelley asked with a softer tone.

“Because I know you’re smarter than that, Kell.” Her statement was met with silence. The pair sat in the silence of the car, refusing to meet each other’s gaze. The tension spiked and reached it's all time high when Adam knocked on her windshield and gave her a thumbs-up as he pointed to the car. Kelley gave a small smile and a little wave before he walked away and shot Hope a smile. Hope brooded even more.

“Look, Hope. My dad and I are complicated. And him and I had a horrible fight six months ago. And we had a talk and I think that him and I are going to get better. Okay? Like I said, it’s complicated, but he’s making an effort and I am going to as well. Like you said, family is important. I just don’t think you understand how a father- daughter relationship is-”

Hope forced open the door on her side and sped walk in the direction of the locker room door, slamming her door shut. Kelley closed her eyes in frustration at the choice of her words. _Fucking idiot O’Hara!_ She grabbed her bags from the back seat and sprinted after the tall girl.

“Hope, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.” She said quietly. She grabbed Hope’s hand, but the keeper quickly recoiled it and walked even faster.

“Hope, please. I’m sorry.” She pleaded and tugged at her own shirt that Hope was wearing. She just felt Hope’s strong hands quickly swat it away. She stayed on the side of the taller girl at a little jog. She kept pleading for her forgiveness, ignoring the quieting figures of her teammates who were already in the locker room.

Hope forcefully opened her locker and threw her bags in, trying to ignore the firm hold Kelley had on her arm.

“Hope, please. I’m an idiot. I didn’t mean to say that.” She persistently tugged on Hope’s shirt and her arm, begging for a response. Any kind of response. Hope just slammed her locker shut after she grabbed the textbooks she needed and then walked out without acknowledgement of her other teammates.

“I’m gonna guess that it hasn’t been that great of a morning for you.” Klingenberg said. Christen threw her bottle of face wash at the small defender.

“Ow! Sorry.” Kling said.

 

\--

 

Hope decided to skip the second half of her day. She was walking home on her lunch period when Ashlyn had spotted her. The brunette decided to allow her friend to keep her company on their walk home so that she could have lunch with her mom. Ashlyn decided to join in on that too.

“Honey, where’s Kelley?” Judy asked when she took a bite of the sandwich that Hope had made for all three of them. Ashlyn stared at Hope, curious about her response.

“She’s not living with us anymore mom. Geez, this night shift is making you miss out on the drama.” Hope said sarcastically. Judy looked heartbroken.

“Well, When? What happened?” She asked. Ashlyn could tell that this was not an easy subject for her friend, so she jumped in and gave a watered down version she had heard from Christen the night before. Her dad came and picked her up last night and they made up. Hope looked over at her friend, and mouthed a silent ‘thank you.’

“Oh well. I’ll miss her. I’m sure I’ll still be seeing her. You two are closer than two peas in a pod.” Judy said with a smile. Hope smiled back, but it wasn’t genuine. The three wrapped a fun lunch and when it was time to go back to class, Hope turned to Ashlyn and told her she wasn’t going. She just nodded and headed out the door after thanking Judy, and bringing Hope into a really long hug.

“Mom, I’m going to take mental health day.” Hope whined.

“Uh. Excuse me, Hope Solo. You think I don’t want to take mental health days from my job?” She said.

“Yes, but you’re superwoman. And I’m still learning how to be.” Hope said slyly. “C’mon Mom. It’s just been a tough day. I swear, just today.” She pleaded. Judy considered it for a long time.

“Okay.” She said begrudgingly.

“Yes?!” Hope said excitedly.

“Yes. But only because I know you’re going to clean up that mess you made in the workshop. There’s crap all over the floor, Hope! Clean it up before I wake up again.” Judy warned. Hope just blushed and then abashedly agreed.

She pulled out her phone to text Jill that she wasn’t going to be at practice and then ignored the many texts from Kelley. Hope quickly cleaned up the shop before she crashed on the couch and silenced her phone.

 

\--

 

Hope had just returned from a three mile run when Marcus pulled into the driveway.

“Chipotle run, let’s go.” He said. Hope jumped in the truck. He asked her why she wasn’t at practice and she launched into the whole story.

“I swear, Marcus, then she had the nerve to tell me that I didn’t understand what a father- daughter relationship was like!” She yelled.

“Well, maybe you don’t.” He said quietly. She looked at him like he had just shot her in the foot.

“Whose side are you on??” She questioned, angrily.

“Yours, look. Hear me out. You and I BOTH don’t know what it’s like to have a relationship with our dad. It’s not our faults. But maybe...I don’t know dude...maybe she’s right. I mean, you and I would kill to have a day with dad.” Hope nodded at that. “And, maybe she appreciates that. Maybe she knows that she’s lucky that she can still have days with her dad. And yeah, it’s not perfect, but it’s been a long time since they last fought. Maybe...maybe she’s realizing that they can still fix it while he’s still here. Just think about that.” He said. They got out and ordered their burritos. Hope stood in silence, only speaking to order her ingredients.

“You’re right.” She said quietly once they had taken the first bites.

“I guess I just felt like she felt I was inferior. Like since I didn’t have a dad, that I wouldn’t be able to ever wrap my head around the situation. It just hurts, ya know. Like, I KNOW I don’t have a dad.” Hope said without looking at her brother.

“Hey, Kelley’s a great kid. And I know for a fact she doesn’t think you’re inferior. That kid’s in love with you.” He said with a chuckle. Hope blushed and finished chewing a massive bite she took from her burrito.

“I like you two together.” Marcus said with a _yep, that’s definitely Marcus trying to smile._

“How do you know we-”

“I’m lazy, not stupid.” He said with a smirk.

\--

When the two had pulled up into their driveway, Hope’s stomach lurched at the sight of the baby blue beamer parked in front of her house.

“Damn. I wish I was Dan O’Hara’s daughter.” Marcus said after letting out a whistle. When the two got out of his truck, he just gave her a thumbs up before he tracked back into the house. Hope just leaned on Marcus car and waited. She heard Kelley kill the engine of her car and slowly open her door. The keeper tried so hard to contain her nerves at the sight of Kelley timidly walking up to her. She looked so small to Hope.

“I tried calling. And texting. I even went inside. I didn’t know if you were in there just ignoring me.” Kelley said sadly and bitterly.

“I didn’t have my phone with me.” Hope said flatly. Kelley moved closer, thankful that Hope had at least responded.

“Why weren’t you at practice?” Kelley asked quietly. She was still inching closer, and she pulled on Hope’s sweaty shirt. Hope couldn’t help but soften a little at Kelley’s mannerisms.

“I just wasn’t.” She replied. But it had a tenderness to it.

Kelley slowly wrapped her arms around Hope’s waist and nuzzled into her chest. Hope thought about it for a second, but eventually wrapped her arms around the small girl.

“You can’t just disappear on me like that. I thought something had happened to you.” She said. Her words were muffled, but Hope could tell she was crying. Kelley raised her head to meet Hope’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, Hope. I know what I said was insensitive. And I swear to God, I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did.” She pleaded. It broke Hope’s heart. She wiped the trail of tears on Kelley’s face away.

“I know what you meant. I was just hurt.” She said softly. 

“Kell. You’re going to have to let me in that mind of yours, eventually. I’m not going to let you shut me out for much longer.” Hope said. Kelley gave a sad smile in return and nodded.

“I know. But can you just promise me something?” Hope nodded in response and gently kissed her.

“Can you just please know that everything that I’m doing, it’s so that I can be with you? Can you please just remember that?” Kelley asked.

“Okay.”

Kelley kissed Hope with a hurried passion. It was like they were running out of time. The keeper tried to not question it, because after all, it had been more than a day since she really had Kelley like this.

“So, I’m going to take your response as a ‘yes’ to you being my girlfriend.” Kelley said, matter of factly. 

“Wait, what? How did I not know that I was just being asked?” Hope said in disbelief.

“I don’t know, you gotta keep up, Solo” She said with a smirk.

 

\--

 

The two eventually fell into their new routine. Kelley would come by and pick Hope up in the morning at 8 am, figuring that an earlier time was better so that they could spend more time with each other. Usually, ‘spending more time with each other’ meant parking somewhere discreet while they made love in Kelley’s car until an alarm went off on Hope’s phone, signaling the start of their first class.

Then they would go through the school day and practice like usual. Then, instead of the usual gang walking home, Kelley would drive them all home, dropping Hope off of last. The forward would hang around long enough until she got a text from her mom to come home or pick Jerry up from soccer practice. 

“Why is he even going to soccer practice, mom? He has broken bones!” Kelley would always yell into her phone as a response. Usually Kelley would get home late because she was too busy tangling up legs with Hope Solo in her bedroom, and her mom would mildly chastise her, but she knew that she was just happy she was home. Hope would watch TV with Marcus or do some homework before she passed out.

Every night she would stare over at the empty side of the bed and remind herself that this is what it was like to have a normal relationship with a girlfriend at her age. _Girlfriend. That sounds nice._ She would stare at the now empty closet that was missing Kelley’s clothes and tell herself that this would make them stronger. This would make Kelley happier, because now, she had a family. 

Sometimes it worked, but then sometimes, she was left silently crying herself to sleep.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, or you know, you don't have to.
> 
> -Wretched.


	8. Savor the Sensuality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “She traced her fingers down the trail of buttons on Hope’s shirt, and gingerly left her hand over the zipper of Hope’s jeans. The placement of her hand instantly quieted them both.”

\--

 

“Babe. Let me try it.” Kelley said. She quickly swiped the plastic cup which had the big boba straw bobbing in Hope’s mouth. Hope’s lips were about to close in on the straw before Kelley’s quick movements left her bobbing for it like an idiot. Hope’s face fell as she watched Kelley drink HER glorious first sip.

“Eh. It’s not that great. Actually, it’s disgusting,” Kelley said with a disgusted face. She shook her head and rubbed the surface of her tongue on her hand. Hope shot her a face of mock hurt and indignantly snatched her drink back.

“Excuse me, you have your own missy. And don’t hate on milk tea!” Hope said. She took a sip of her drink and let out an exaggerated groan of satisfaction, and then looked over at Kelley’s choice of drink.

“Oh. Please. Strawberry flavored? That’s the whitest thing you could have picked.” Hope said with a tone of condescension. That started a hilarious debate on whether or not Hope was white. “No, but I’m Italian. That’s different.” Hope said with a wave of her hand.

“Ummm. Are you sure you want to take these in there?” The couple had walked out of the boba shop and paused right before they got in the vehicle. The smaller girl paused to think about it. It was a valid question. In the small amount of time that Kelley had this car, she had managed to make a mess inside of it. It still smelled like new car and leather, but the perfume and sweat from Kelley’s workout clothes in the back were starting to mix into the chemistry of the car. And, characteristic of Kelley, the forward had managed to spill her drink in the driver’s seat three times in the last week. And, not to mention, Hope and Kelley’s sex smell and rubbed skin had stuck to the backseat multiple times a day. A fact that had Kelley chuckling to herself whenever Erin and Jerry would ride in the backseat when her and Hope had taken them to Jerry’s game.

“Here, I’ll just hold them until we get to my house.” Hope said. For some reason, she didn’t want to anger the juju of the beamer. She had a complicated relationship with it. It was a combination of disgust and awe. There were times in which she was satisfied that her bodily fluids managed to make her mark on this car. Her and Kelley’s romps were satisfying in the physical way, but also mentally, in the fact that it had the benefits of love and spite. 

But, there were times in which she also felt like she needed to be careful. There was something about this car. Something that it stood for. It seemed to have a power over the keeper. Whenever she would look at it, or find herself in the passenger seat, it oddly felt like Kelley had chosen it over here. She felt like this sometimes when she would turn over in her bed at night and find it empty. She couldn’t really explain it, and sometimes it had her on edge. 

“So why are you ditching me tonight?” Hope asked with a questioning tone. She was mostly joking. It caused Kelley to pout as they drove away.

“Ugh. My club is having their opening meeting/event for the season! My mom is really on my ass about going with her to these things. I can just tell, she’s like overcompensating for the time I was away. Like, I’ve never been to these things, it was always just parents, and now she’s making a big deal about me showing up.” Kelley said simply. 

“Psh. Rush FC. What a joke.” Hope said with a wave of her hand. She knew that would create a reaction. 

“Whatever, Hope Solo! You cannot pledge any loyalty to your old club anymore. You’ve guest played for us for basically a whole season!” Kelley said emphatically. Hope just rolled her eyes. “Plus, you can’t say anything anymore since you don’t even have a team.” Kelley said as she furrowed her brow.

“It doesn’t matter. Golden Valley FC all the way man.” Hope said. She was proud of the club that she was a part of since she was four. They had given her the building blocks of the foundation of everything she knows about the game.

In reality, it didn’t even seem like they were a part of two different clubs. The clubs had shared the same fields when they were kids and the two girls were always practicing at the same time, right next to each other. When it came time to scrimmage, Hope and Kelley found themselves on the same field every time. As eight year old’s the two had struck a friendship with a ball being passed in between them before practices. They didn’t know that both of them would end up on the same team for their nation.

When Hope had been getting a lot more attention for her performance as a goalkeeper, Rush FC, and almost every club in the city that had realigned to make way for more clubs had been knocking on her door to guest play when GVFC had folded in financial disarray when the girls were 15. Paul, who was Hope’s ODP level coach told her to just train at their GK academy full time instead of joining another club in the following year to relieve the financial burden that soccer was putting on her single mom.

 

“Anyways, I’m going to pick up Tobin after I drop you off, because i’m pretty sure that we are going to be late to it.” Kelley said as she looked at her brand new watch. Hope noticed the glitzy piece on her wrist a few days ago, but she decided not to point it out. She knew who had bought it for her. And that bringing it up, would do absolutely no good.

Hope sat back in her seat with the two drinks in her hand, and sulked at the slowly diminishing amount of time that she was able to see Kelley everyday. The forward always had to cut their time short because of something family-related. As she sat there, she battled with herself in her mind.

_This is her family. Remember, you don’t own her. She deserves to have your understanding. It’s none of your business. Just stop being selfish. Family is important._

Hope looked over at her girlfriend who was loudly singing along with some One Direction tune that was blasting through her high-def radio. She couldn’t help but smile at the ridiculousness that was Kelley O’Hara, this adorable ball of pure energy who had given Hope so much love for the past half-year. Hope knew that she had to be thankful, a thought that was reinforced when Kelley looked over at her and shot her the biggest smile.

\--

 

“Ooo. I’ve never rode shotgun in this baby. I’m excited!” Tobin said as she hopped into Kelley’s car. She played with all the buttons and watched like a five-year-old as the sunroof window moved up and down.

“Hey, am I picking up CP, too?” Kelley asked.

“Nah. I think her mom is going to take her. Is your mom just going to meet us there?” Tobin asked. She was glad that the other forward would not be joining them. She needed a break from all of the pretending when it came to dealing with Christen Press. Tobin Heath was one mentally exhausted lady. The two drove to the field, singing along to the radio.

When they had arrived, the two friends begrudgingly made their way into the club’s office building, too cool to be showing up to this event. As soon as they opened the doors, they were met with a scene of a hundred or so small kids and their parents in a sea of black and red attire, the colors of their club, and the many seas of coaches in their club polos. The chatting parents, the screaming kids, the dads with bellies who pretended to be experts at the sports, and the cheap, store bought finger foods that were in every ones hands, painted an undesirable scene to the two girls. After all, they were seniors in high school, too cool for things like this. Tobin only got excited when she saw a circle of her teammates in the corner, a group of tall, intimidating looking girls. 

“You want to look for your mom first or go say hi to the team?” Tobin asked as she pointed at their clique in the corner.

Kelley made a scrunched up face, signaling disgust, Tobin assumed, and then walked over to the girls. Tobin’s heart started beating heavily when she noticed that her teammate Sydney was in her line of view, and that Christen Press was in fact, already there. The midfielder caught the forward’s gaze for a second and then shyly waved and smiled, while inside, she was dying.

It’s not like things had really changed much since Christen made that silent demand of her on her driveway. They were still friends, they still talked all the time, they had both effectively avoided the issue of their failed date, and her and Ashlyn were still weird. But day by day, Tobin started to fatigue sooner and sooner after their conversations from all of the faking. She wasn’t good at it. She would smile and joke with Christen, but when no one was looking, she would throw her head back in defeat and exhaustion. The pain would snake in every once in awhile for the midfielder. Every smile and casual conversation felt like a mockery of what was true. Christen had still not shown her any indication of returning her feelings, and at this point, Tobin just wished that Christen would outright reject her. At least she could experience some sort of closure. 

But as she and Kelley walked up to their familiar group of friends with Christen Press standing there, Tobin couldn’t help but smile and be thankful that the girl was still in her life. She took in the sight of Christen in her short denim shorts and black tank top and thought _Yeah, it definitely has it’s benefits._ Tobin made the rounds and greeted all of her friends before she made the last stop, the most important one.

“Hi, Tobs.” Christen said with a smile. Tobin could have sworn that it was a smile reserved just for her, something about the way it made Tobin feel, but she knew that was wishful thinking. It was just Christen Press’ brilliant smile, one that the whole word was lucky to experience. She just smiled back in response.

“I’m surprised Kelley is even here. Shouldn’t she be off sucking face with Hope.” Christen whispered to Tobin. The two laughed.

“Yeah, I think she said something about her mom making her come. I think that’s who she is going to now...” Tobin said as her eyes followed her freckled face friend. The pair watched as Kelley awkwardly hugged her mom and quickly wiggled out of her embrace. Kelley quickly dodged a kiss that her mom was about to plant on her cheek.

“Yikes. That was hard to watch.” Christen whispered into Tobin’s ear. Tobin had to agree, it seemed like Kelley found her mom’s touch poisonous, and her sweet old mom was just begging for a sign of love from her daughter. The sight of her mom’s face falling at the realization that her daughter did not return the feelings struck a chord with Tobin.

“I’m guessing they’re still working out everything.” Tobs said simply. They continued to watch Kelley’s interactions with her mother. The conversation was definitely choppy and forced, with Mrs. O’Hara doing the most talking, with her daughter just shrugging or texting on her phone. With every second, it was getting more and more painful for Tobin and Christen to see her mom get more and more discouraged from the lack of her daughter’s attention. They were about to turn away when they observed Kelley’s mom waving like a maniac to someone afar. Tobin followed her line of sight and saw Adam wave back and make his way over to the mom and daughter duo. 

“Holy shit, look at Adam’s face!” Tobin said and nudged Christen in the arm, making sure that the girl was still paying attention. Christen looked more closely, and gasped when she realized that both of his eyes were black and there was a purple bruise that rounded his nose. There was even some kind of band aid strip on the bridge of it.

“What the fuck..” Christen said quietly. The two watched as Kelley and her mom harassed their male classmate about his face. Christen narrowed her eyes as she watched Kelley gingerly touch his left eye, and then swat him in the arm. Adam seemed to have just played it off and the pair watched as he kept shrugging his shoulder and smiling.

“What happened to your boyfriend, Tobs?” Sydney asked. The girl had noticed her two friends leaning in and whispering to each other while they watched Kelley from afar.

“Shutup, Syd. That was forever ago.” Tobin said.

“You know what, I’m going to check why his face is more fucked up than usual.” Christen said quickly. She made her way through the crowd and walked up to the trio.

 

\--

“Sweetie, you should really be careful when you play.” Christen heard Mrs. O’Hara say in a motherly tone.

“I know, I know, Mrs. O. Trust me, it was just an accident. I promise to not scare Jer and the boys with my looks.” Adam laughed. Christen cringed at the sound of his voice. His slimy, fake, polite, bro voice.

“I don’t know Adam, you’re pretty scary looking.” Christen said in a sing song voice. That earned a hug from Kelley’s mom and a snort from the boy. 

“Sorry, I missed the story, what happened?” Christen said, innocently. Well it wasn’t that innocent, and she knew that Adam could see right through her. They never liked each other. But he just laughed, aware of the adult present.

“Oh, just went in for a tackle for the ball and left with this battle wound.” He said and laughed. Christen resisted rolling her eyes when she saw how charmed Kelley’s mom was by the boy. She nodded along with the conversation and smiled politely as Mrs. O’Hara both asked her and Adam about soccer.

But Christen kept her eye on Kelley. Her best friend was acting really weird and unusual. She looked nervous and fidgety and her eyes kept shooting daggers at her mom. She could hear the small sighs of exasperation Kelley emitted with every new question that her mom could come up with and ask. This was unusual for the squirrel. Christen slyly looked over her shoulder to make sure that Tobin was still watching, and was relieved to see that she still was. Christen was glad to have a second pair of eyes on the situation.

”So. Are you two excited for college?” Mrs. O’Hara said, her tone filled with excitement.

“Okay, mom. I think these two are done with you grilling them.” Kelley said angrily. She grabbed Adam by the arm and dragged him away from the conversation. Christen furrowed her brow as she watched Kelley engage in a hushed and whispered conversation with their classmate.

“That boy needs to be careful. I swear, my son copies everything he does. He’s going to want to get a black eye too!” Kelley’s mom said to Christen. The forward halfheartedly laughed at that and then turned to look at Tobin. The tan midfielder was studying Kelley as she talked to Adam. Christen thought that it seemed like Kelley was chastising him. He seemed to have hung his head.

“Well, Mrs. O, it was nice to see you. Gotta head back to the girls.” Christen said as she nodded towards Tobin and company.

“What the hell is that?” Tobin asked as she pointed at Kelley and Adam. Christen looked back over her shoulder at the pair.

“I have no clue.”

-

“What was that about?” Christen asked Kelley quietly when she joined the group of girls again. The two girls had been friends for life, and Christen knew that she didn’t need to explain her question. It was loaded with an accusing, yet concerned tone. Kelley just shot her a glare and ignored the question.

“Hey.” Christen whispered. “You know you can talk to me, right?” She asked earnestly. But her attempt at being a good her friend went ignored.

 

\--

Hope played with the many indistinguishable buttons on the console and dashboard of Kelley’s ridiculous ride. With each press of a button and revelation of the ridiculous features that the vehicle boasted, Hope grew more and more wary of the super nice sports car she was in. She couldn’t help but feel the figurative sleaze dripping all over the new leather. It was disgusting, and Hope felt disgusting. But she would never let Kelley explicitly know that this car was a bargaining chip, she just didn’t know what her dad was playing at.

The keeper was waiting in Kelley’s driveway, a place she had not been to in awhile, while the forward ran back in the house to retrieve her forgotten textbook during their lunch break. Hope glanced at her phone, checking to confirm that yes, Kelley had been in there for ten minutes. Hope pulled the door handle to go in and check on the forward. She put her hand on the doorknob and gave it a turn, when an excited Erin O’Hara pulled it wide open.

“Yolo! I’m glad to see you. Kell’s creating a fucking shit storm up there! Throwing her clothes all over and in the hallway trying to find some fucking textbook that is bound to be deemed irrelevant and incorrect by the time you guys get to the subject matter!” Erin said as she threw her hands up dramatically. _Those O’Haras, they are all dramatic._

“Erin. Always a pleasure. Why are you here? Why are you not like 2 hours away, pretending to go to class?” Hope jested. That earned her a playful eye roll from the oldest O’Hara.

“Because I heard that my dear lovely sister has come back. And my mom wanted me to come down for the weekend and enjoy some good ole’ family time. So I just decided to make my weekend start on a tuesday...” The older girl shrugged. Hope just chuckled. _God, I hope college is really that chill._ The two continued chatting on the doorstep.

“So, what do you think of your sister’s car?” Hope said slowly and with raised eyebrows. 

“Don’t get me started.” Erin growled. “My piece-o-shit ‘02 ford escape is in the shop, while spoiled brat gets that?” she pointed in the direction of the beamer. “I swear to fuckin’ god!”

“Yeah...it’s kind of a huge gift...What’s up with that?” Hope asked curiously.

“Dude.” Erin looked over her shoulder before continuing in a low tone, “I still don’t know the details. And Kell has not budged once. But either my dad must have really fucked up, or Kelley is pulling some shady shit over him.” Hope just sighed. As the days wore on, so was her patience. _Be understanding, Hope. Be a good girlfriend. Be a good FRIEND._ Hope knew that there was an art to bringing up the ever-present issue of her fight with her parents, but Hope was by no means close to mastering it. It had been close to two weeks since Kelley had moved back in, and Hope was beginning to notice how difficult it was to avoid the topic. 

“But, I have a bone to pick with you.” Erin said in a sing-song voice. _Oh shit._

“And what’s that?” Hope asked with a stoney face. Erin could see right through it.

“My sister has been coming home every night that I’ve been here, with hickeys on the back of her neck.” She said with a smirk and questioning look. “Do you happen to know who is responsible for that Ms. Solo?” She wasn’t really questioning though.

_Fuck me._

“Really? That’s interesting.” Hope said as she looked up and away from the girl in front of her. She knew that Erin must have felt the heat radiating off of her cheeks.

“You fucking sly dog!” Erin yelled and swatted Hope in the arm. “When the hell did that happen??” The older girl was all smiles and excitement. Hope gave her the watered down timeline and her heart swelled when Erin squealed with excitement. It was nice to know that Kelley’s older sister approved. She had always been present in Kelley’s life and at her games, and Hope had often seen her as a bigger sister, one that ‘good-naturedly’ teased her all the time. But hey, that’s what sisters are there for.

“Well don’t get her pregnant you stud.” Erin winked. “And let me know if she gets out of hand. You know her.” The pair just laughed. 

“Seriously. I don’t mean to get all sappy on ya, but my sister is like this uncontrolled life force that leaves destruction and mess everywhere she is! It’s like she has all this energy and she’s so restless all the time. But with you.” Erin gave her a sincere smile. “It’s like Kelley finally found a person that she wants to use all her energy on. And at the end of the day, you’re the only thing that can calm her.”

Hope just smiled in return, not being able to find any words.

Just then, Kelley came jumping down their staircase, textbook in hand.

“Found it!” She bounced up and down and took in the sight of Hope and Erin talking to each other.

“What did I miss?” Kelley asked eagerly.

“Oh, Hope was just giving me her number so that I can give it to Ella.” Erin said with a wave. “And I was just telling her how disgusting the house is now that you’re back.” She smiled sweetly, the cherry on top. _Fucking shit, Erin._

Hope quickly added, “No. That’s not what we were talking about.” She shot the older girl the biggest glare. _Fucking Erin O’Hara._

“Go fuck yourself, Erin.” Kelley said and swiftly made her way out to the car.

“Love you too sweetie! Have a good day at school!” Erin jumped and waved as the two younger girls got into the car. Kelley way too annoyed and pissed off to comment back, just flipped her off, and Hope, unaware if it was appropriate to laugh, she just covered her face.

“I swear to fucking god.” Kelley murmured under her breath as they drove back to school. She only seemed to relax when Hope gave her a kiss on the cheek from the passenger seat, and a quiet ‘I love you’ to soothe her.

“You better.” Kelley said bitterly. She pouted and gave Hope a quick kiss.

 

\--

 

K: Babe. I have to take Jerry to school. Dad said that I have to from now on since he’s scared that he’s going to get mauled by another car. I can’t take you in the mornings :/ [7:15 am]

K: Oh and I won’t be at school for first half of the day. My dad says he wants me to help him today at work in the morning for some reason... [7:20 am]

Hope read the text over and over. Each word seemed to unravel her heart and reveal her sadness. She laid for ten minutes in her bed, wallowing in it. These were times in which she was glad that Kelley wasn’t there. She didn’t have to witness the pathetic-ness of Hope Solo. She got up and got ready for school, with a heavy heart.

“Hey, Hope. I got something for you.” Marcus said over his cup of coffee when she had walked through the kitchen door. He tossed her the keys to his car.

“Your keys. What do you want me to do with them?” Hope asked as she just barely missed catching them.

“Use them.” He said simply.

“Okay. Do you want me to wash your truck...or..what?” Hope asked. 

“No, buttface. I want you to have it.” He said as he shook his head.

Hope’s eyes widened as she looked down at the keys on the rusty ring. She looked up at her brother, who was just smirking.

“W-what are you going to drive?” Hope said, the excitement in her voice building.

“Check it out.” Marcus said. He led her outside to the driveway. Right next to the black, beat up truck, was a...corolla?

“Marcus. A Corolla? You?” Hope asked, in disbelief. “I was expecting like a Bronco, or some jeep or some old sports car. But a Corolla?” Hope laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s time to be a sensible grown up.” Marcus waved her off.

Hope opened the doors to HER truck. She sat in the driver’s seat and touched the dashboard and the peeling leather seats. She had her own vehicle. No more long walks, no more waking up too early. She was in awe. This old pickup truck had been in her family for years, passed down from her dad, to marcus, and now her. She put her hands on the steering wheel and soaked in all it’s glory and all the memories of her and her dad driving around with the windows down and country music blasting.

Marcus walked over to the side of the truck, with his mug of coffee in his hand. 

“There’s a big dent here. But don’t worry, it’ll pass inspection.” He said as he touched the big dent that was above the tire well. It was a new one for sure.

“Oh, so that’s why you gave this to me.” Hope said with a smirk.

“No. It’s because I got a new adult job, and my girlfriend tells me I should be sensible. And it’s time for you have this one.” He said with a genuine smile.

Hope drove off in her old truck, with a big smile. She felt proud and gave it one last look when she had parked it in the school parking lot. It didn’t matter that it was loud and clunky, because it was all hers.

\--

“Nice ride, Solo.” Adam said behind her. 

She continued walking in the direction to the locker rooms.

“What do you want, Adam?” She asked with a groan. She actually didn’t care what he wanted, in fact, she was regretting the fact that she asked. She rolled her eyes when she heard his rapidly approaching footsteps behind her.

“Nothing, Solo. I’m just a fan of trucks.” He said with a big smile. Hope jumped back the sight of his face.

“Oh my fu-. What the fuck happened to you??” She said as she saw his whole face covered in deep purple bruises. But the boy was absolutely beaming.

“Just went into a gnarly tackle for the ball. Glad to know you care about me.” He said a smirk.

“Trust me, I don’t. You just look like a fucking goblin. Or some fucking rotten eggplant. I swear dude, cover yourself up.” Hope said with widened eyes. She continued walking and was annoyed at the fact that he was still following her, with a smile plastered on his face.

“Okay. Seriously. Leave me alone.” Hope stopped in her tracks and shot him the most bitchiest face she could muster. He seemed to have finally registered her annoyance.

“Listen. I know that you think I’m the biggest asshole,” He started. Hope scoffed.

“I know, that I haven’t been the best person out there. And, I’m just trying to apologize. I swear, no jokes, no comments about your ass, nothing.” Adam said with his hands up in the air. Hope eyed him, suspiciously.

“Why are you attempting to be nice with me? It’s too early for bullshit.” She asked slowly. Adam sighed.

“Because...I know that you don’t think highly of me, and I don’t blame you. But I’m really not that bad of a guy. And..I don’t know Solo, you’re a badass soccer player, and I guess I just..” He looked around in frustration, trying to find the words.

“I guess..sometimes..I don’t know how to talk to you. You’re intimidating. And when I don’t know how to talk to a girl, I just start cracking jokes. And I guess..I let them get out of hand.” He said and hung his head. Hope just looked at him with a confused expression.

“What do you mean you don’t know how to talk to me?” She asked incredulously.

“Solo. Look. All I’m saying is that...I’m...sometimes... I don’t know...unsure of how to approach you. I mean you’re this intimidating, badass, super hot chick who looks like she wants to punch me in the face. I don’t know what to do sometimes.” He said with a shrug of his shoulder. Hope blushed at his description and looked down at her feet.

“Listen. Truce? I know that I’ve been a dick. And I’m really sorry. I haven’t been the best at showing it, but I think you’re an awesome player and I’m just in awe of you when I see you in goal.” He said quietly. He held out his hand gingerly, unsure if she was going to take it.

And at first, she was unsure herself. She wouldn’t forgive all of his past, sexist actions and words, but Hope was riding on the coattails of the happiness that the truck brought. She grabbed his hand and gave it a shake. She laughed as she saw the relief spread throughout his hideous, bruised face. She walked away and to the direction of the locker rooms. She didn’t see him watch her as she go, with the biggest smile.

-

Hope greeted the usual company in the locker rooms when she strode in, feeling oddly light on her feet. At first, it had seemed like her day was absolutely ruined when she got the text from Kelley. But, some deity must have swooped in and decided to give her a break. She got herself a brand new tru- okay, not brand new, but a decent truck, and douchebag even apologized and complimented her. Today was going to be a good day for Hope Solo. She opened her locker and stuffed all her stuff in there with a smile on her face, ready to take on the day.

“Hey, what’s that over there?” Ashlyn asked and pointed at a small piece of folded notebook paper that was taped to the inside of Hope’s locker door. She furrowed her brow at the sight of it. She hadn’t caught it when she initially opened the door to her locker. She delicately peeled it off to read it.

“Hey, lemme see.” Ashlyn nudged her head in to see the purple scribbled writing on the paper. Hope quickly pushed her away to read it:

 

_Sexy Solo, will you go on a date with me tonight?_

_[ ] Yes  
[ ] No_

_Please check off your answer and leave it in my locker._

_P.S. I think you’re pretty hot._

_-Kell <3_

 

Hope smiled to herself and then quickly harassed Ashlyn for a pen. An impromptu game of monkey in the middle busted out, in which Ashlyn and Christen were throwing a pen to each other.

“C’mon Yolo, you’re a goalkeeper for fuck’s sake!” Pinoe yelled as she watched from the side.

“Fuck you, Pinoe.” Hope grunted in between the many jumps and swipes in the air she made to unsuccessfully grab a hold of the pen. Christen tossed it to Pinoe, who had the biggest smirk on her face. She skillfully passed it to Kling, whose eyes widened at the sight of Hope Solo charging for her. She quickly tossed it to Tobin who was on her left.

“Alright Alright. No need to break a sweat so early in the morning.” Tobin lazily said. She handed over the pen to Hope, who looked angry and wiped at the drop of sweat that formed on her brow.

“Thank you, Tobin. My only friend!” She yelled out at the rest of the cage.

Hope just glared at her friends, quickly filled out the survey and scribbled down something before she shoved the note into the little slot in Kelley’s locker. Her teammates looked her questioningly.

“You guys, can go fuck yourselves.” Hope said satisfactorily. She dodged the many questions shot her way about the note and then walked out of the locker room, in order to make it to class on time. 

\--

Kelley nervously approached the locker room cage at the start of 4th period. She was beginning to feel a little sadness and disappointment that Hope had not texted her all morning. She figured that she would have at least texted her when she got the note.

_Maybe she didn’t see it. Maybe it fell or maybe..._

She let out a sigh of relief when she opened her locker, to see a piece of notebook paper casually thrown on the floor of her locker. She saw that Hope had checked off the ‘Yes’ and had scribbled a note at the bottom:

_But only if you let me plan it._

The forward folded up the piece of paper and put it in her pocket. During her fourth period class, which she was late too, she took the piece of paper out and folded it and unfolded it and played with it in her hands when she got bored of the teacher’s lecture. It was like a special treasure, one that she couldn’t believe was actually hers, and one that she had to constantly touch to make sure it was in fact real.

She knew that her excitement was a little juvenile, but when she had stopped by her school in the way early morning to get the powerpoint and lecture notes from her teachers and to inform that that she wouldn’t be there, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She had to leave her girlfriend some kind of ‘sign’ that she was really sorry that she couldn’t pick the keeper up in the mornings anymore, and that this specific tradition, along with many of theirs, would have to be put to rest. 

Kelley had been feeling a little blue from the lack of facetime with Hope, and a little irritated with her dad and with her family. So when she decided to leave Hope a little note, she thought that this was the perfect opportunity to ask Hope out on a date. Because, if she had thought about it, they had never really gone on one. Of course, they hung out with the rest of the team, or they hung out after school, but they had never had a date. That was something that she knew she had to fix. 

Once the bell rang, Kelley quickly folded the piece of paper and put in her pocket, before she jogged her way across the length of school to search for the one person she needed the most. She smiled when she spotted the platinum blonde hair, and called out to the girl.

“What’s up?” Ashlyn asked as Kelley jogged towards her.

“I need your help.” She said seriously.

\--

Hope and Kelley agreed to not talk about the details of the date, Hope wanting to keep it a surprise. She held firm as Kelley continued to badger and pepper her with kisses during their lunch hour in order to get her to spill, but Hope’s mental strength overpowered her. They agreed to part ways after practice, with the promise that Hope would pick her up from Christen’s house sometime later in the evening.

“What do I wear?” Kelley asked.

“Something nice. I'll bring something you can run in.” Hope said deviously.

“Hope Solo, you are not making me run. I get enough of that everyday.” Kelley said with a pout.

“Just do what I say.” Hope said quietly and gave her a kiss on the lips before she made her way to her vehicle.

“Okay, but how are you picking me...” Kelley trailed off as she recognized the black truck that Hope was approaching. Hope just shot her a beautiful smile before she got into what used to be her brother’s truck. She drove away, leaving a lovestruck Kelley O’Hara standing there to watch her drive off into the distance.

\--

“Okay, but like what did she mean by ‘nice’?” Tobin asked again.

“Ugh, Tobs. I don’t know! That’s why I need you guys to help me. Especially you.” She said to Ashlyn.

“Me. Why me?” The blonde asked as she pointed at herself.

“Because! You need to tell me what is sexy and what is not...” Kelley said a little quietly.

“Hey! Wait, why her and why not me?” Tobin asked, genuinely hurt and offended. Kelley groaned.

“Okay. Guys, let me break it down for you and I’m only going to do it once. Because Hope is going to be here in an hour. Okay, Ashlyn.. I need you because..you are one of the more stylish bros out there.” Ashlyn smugly patted herself on the back at that. “And I need your perspective on how you would want your perfect date to look like.” She said simply. Then she turned to Tobin.

“Tobs. How do I put this delicately....okay, so..you’re not as stylish as Ash. I’m sorry!” Kelley quickly added at the offended face on the midfielder. “BUT, your taste in women is so good. I mean Pressy is a goddess. So I need you to tell me how to make little changes in my makeup and outfit so that I look as naturally beautiful as her!”

“First of all! I’m offended. Okay? I’m going for the casual surfer chick/relaxed look.” Tobin said with arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.

“Toby, I know. And it works for you! You have the smoothest and tannest skin I have ever seen, and you have the best smile! I swear, you remind me of the beach. I just- I’m going to go with Ashlyn’s choice of clothing.” Kelley said sadly, quietly, and quickly.

“Second of all, fine, I’ll help you, but don’t expect me to be happy about it.” Tobin said with frown. Ashlyn got up and surveyed the many outfit choices that Kelley had brought with her to Christen’s house with much more enthusiasm and focus. The three were in Christen’s room when the conversation had broken out.

“Tell me again why Christen isn’t here.” Kelley said.

“Because I made an executive decision that she would serve a better purpose at Hope’s house.” Ashlyn said with authority. “So let’s see all of these.” as she pointed at the many clothes of Kelley’s. The forward begrudgingly took each one, changed in Christen’s closet, and then modeled them for her friends.

Some outfits earned, an ‘Eh’, some an ‘Ooo. Don’t ever wear that’, and even a ‘Please. Stop.’ Kelley was starting to get discouraged until she threw on a small black skirt, one that she felt disgusting in, and showed her horrendous short tan, exposing her stark white thighs, and a small sleeveless maroon top, one that she hadn’t picked up before, that seemed to show off her stomach.

“Yes.” Tobin said quickly once Kelley had stepped out. Her eyes were widened.

“I think this is it.” Ashlyn said simply. She threw her hands in the air and signaled Kelley to give her a little spin. The two girls nodded to each other in satisfaction.

“Wait, really?” Kelley said as she surveyed herself in the mirror in the corner. “Guys, I don’t know about this one..” Kelley said as she pulled down her skirt a little to cover more of her leg.

“Really.” Tobin said.

“Seriously. Go for this one.” Ashlyn said as she nodded in agreement. She stopped Kelley from pulling the skirt more and pulled it the other direction.

“Ash!” Kelley said as she swatted the keeper’s hand away.

“Listen, you said you wanted my advice. So stop pulling your skirt down. You’re ruining it.” She said with a smirk.

“What do you think, Tobs?” Kelley asked shyly. 

“I think you’re pretty hot.” Tobin said with a smirk. This made Kelley blush a little. “Yolo is going to lose her shit when she sees you.” The midfielder added with a smile. Ashlyn left to go survey the many shoes that Christen had in her closet to complete the forward’s outfit.

“You think so?” Kelley asked quietly so that only Tobin could hear her and her cheeks reddened at the idea of Hope’s face when she saw her.

“I think so. You look beautiful.” Tobin said with her genuine lazy smile. Kelley brought the midfielder into her arms. She appreciated the compliment and reassurance that her friend gave her. When she pulled away and looked the midfielder in the eye, she couldn’t help but feel bad for her and Christen.

“For the record, I would totally date you over Ashlyn.” Kelley whispered with a mischievous grin. Tobin just laughed, while Ashlyn yelled in the background, “I heard that!”

\--

 

“Pinoe! You’re so fucking useless!” Hope shouted in frustration and hurled her brush at the girl, who quickly dodged it.

“Okay children! Let’s focus.” Ali said with a ton of authority. “Now Hope, listen to me. And don’t listen to Pinoe. We will take care of your outfit.” She said while she pointed between herself and Christen. The two girls raided Hope’s small excuse of a closest and Hope sat on the bed pouting, shooting daggers at Pinoe who couldn’t contain her laughter.

“Hope, is this really all you got?” Christen asked as she surveyed the small amount of clothing.

“Yes. I swear. Okay, my wardrobe consists of t-shirts and track pants. I didn’t exactly have any women in my life to help me dress up. My mom just wears scrubs all the time. And the closest thing I had to a sister was Kelley.” 

“Ew.” Pinoe said with a disgusted face.

“Yeah, I didn’t think that one through.” Hope said with a sigh.

“Alright, Pinoe. What time is it?” Ali asked.

“It’s 8:30. Why?” Pinoe returned with a confused look, while Ali and Christen engaged in a hushed conversation. They seemed to be planning something. Pinoe and Hope leaned in their heads to get a better listen. They turned their heads at the sight of Hope.

“Alright Hope. We’re going to the mall.” Christen said decisively.

“Yeah!!!” Pinoe shouted and pumped her fists in the air. “Last one to the car gets ball duty for a week!” The energetic midfielder yelled and all girls raced out the house. Pinoe slammed her fist into Hope’s stomach and the girl doubled over as the other three sprinted to Pinoe’s car. Hope was the last one out of the house, clutching her stomach. She glared at her teammates the whole drive to the mall.

\--

“It’s hot, Hope! Trust me!” Christen said excitedly. Her and Ali were putting on different kinds of liquids and powders on her face, and Hope fearfully had to accept that the sharp looking pencils were aimed purposefully for her eyes. The keeper knew that Pinoe took the route with the most speed bumps on purpose.

“Yeah, Yolo. I picked your outfit. You gots to believe in me!” Pinoe said with a devious laugh.

“Ignore her. If I wasn’t dating Ashlyn, I would totally jump your bones.” Ali said seriously as she drew some crayola looking shit into Hope’s eyebrows. Christen just nodded and smiled along, hoping that Hope’s obvious nerves would go away at the sound of compliments.

Pinoe slammed on her brakes as soon as they reached Hope’s driveway.

“Now go get her, Tiger!” Pinoe yelled out her window as Hope sprinted in her boots to her truck. She gave her trio of friends a wave and a shouted ‘Thank you’ as she sped down the street to Christen’s house.

“They grow up so fast.” Pinoe said as she wiped at an imaginary tear. Ali, Christen, and Pinoe hugged each other and watched as their child drove away, like the proud parents they were.

\--

Kelley nervously fidgeted with her phone before she opened the door. She contemplated not answering it. She looked around, really glad that Christen’s parents were not here to witness her awkward creeping by thefront door. She sighed when she heard Hope knock on the door again. She took five deep breaths and then whipped it open.

“Hi.” Kelley said a little nervously. She watched as Hope’s face went from a beaming smile, to a slackened expression. The forward was not too sure what to make of it, it seemed like Hope had zoned out or something. Kelley grew even more nervous, second guessing everything, but took in the sight of Hope Solo in a iron-pressed button up, black skinny jeans, and some kind of boots that made her an attractive tall glass of water. Kelley was so nervous at Hope’s silence that she only faintly registered the throbbing sensation in between her legs.

“Hope?” Kelley hesitantly asked. She wasn’t successful in getting the tall girl’s attention until she tenderly grabbed onto her arm. Hope shook her head, seemingly to waken herself up.

“You’re beautiful.” Hope said quietly. It was almost a whisper and it’s tenderness graced Kelley’s skin and sent shivers down her spine, goosebumps along her arm, and a squeezing sensation in her chest. Sure, Hope has told her that before, but in this moment, Kelley was reborn. She locked her gaze with the taller girl and with every second, she could feel their bodies being drawn together. The forward’s pulse was quickening as the ache in her chest intensified.

“Thanks.” Kelley said, equally as quiet. Hope gazed at the beautiful sight before her for a good three seconds before holding out her hand for Kelley to follow her.

 

\--

While Hope’s truck was parked on the side of the road, the two held one another, high from the good food and company. Kelley was scooted up all the way next to Hope, who had her right arm possessively around the small girl so that she was cradled up to her.

“Okay, I have to admit, I was starving! I didn’t know if we were going to eat dinner or something!” Kelley said through a chuckle.

“I know I know. 10:00 is pretty late for a dinner. But, let’s just say, it took awhile for Hope’s camp to come up with an outfit.” Hope said as she looked down at herself.

“Well. I like it.” Kelley said quietly. She traced her fingers down the trail of buttons on Hope’s shirt, and gingerly left her hand over the zipper of Hope’s jeans. The placement of her hand instantly quieted them both for a moment.

“I had a really good time tonight, Solo.” Kelley said tenderly. She cupped Hope’s face in her hands and their lips met.

“Wait. You don’t think this date is over, do you?” Hope asked with furrowed eyebrows. In response to Kelley’s confused expression, Hope rummaged around the underside of her seat and produced a plastic bag full of what looked like a spare set of clothes.

\--

 

Kelley could see absolutely nothing through the handkerchief Hope had twisted to make a makeshift blindfold around her eyes. She could feel the starchy fabric rub on her eyes and she so desperately wanted to move the blindfold aside so that she could give it a good scratch, but the comforting touch of Hope’s hand laced with hers and the lulling sound of the engine humming as Hope drove them to an unknown destination, compelled her to sit still.

Hope squeezed the forward’s hand every once in awhile and smiled at how still and quiet Kelley was actually being. It was cute actually, and she gave her girlfriend a kiss on the head to reward her.

It was already past midnight when Kelley could feel the vehicle slow and come to a halt. Her head perked up when she heard Hope get up and close her door. Through the ringing silence of inside the truck, Kelley could hear the crunch of Hope’s footsteps on what sounded like rocks. Kelley jumped a little when she heard a sudden squeak, and a rush of cool air, signaling that Hope had opened the passenger side door for her.

“Come here, Kid.” Hope softly whispered. She grabbed both of Kelley’s hands and gingerly guided her to edge of the torn leather cab seat. Hope tenderly looped Kelley’s hands around her neck, and carried Kelley on her back, piggy-back style.

“Where are we, Hopey?” Kelley whispered. She could only hear the sound of the plastic bag twisting and flapping as the cool breeze kissed their skin. _So we are definitely outside._

“Just hold on, kid.” Hope said quietly. Kelley could feel Hope’s strong muscles flex as the taller girl walked. Kelley couldn’t hear the crunch of underneath Hope’s footsteps, but rather soft rustling. Kelley clung onto the tall girl and was just starting to get used to the rhythm and bounce of Hope’s gait, when the taller girl suddenly stopped.

“Slide off and I want you to stand here babe.” Hope said with a gentle tone. She gave Kelley a kiss on the forehead and a gentle hand on her thigh to settle her before Kelley heard Hope walking away.

“Hope! Where are you going?” She asked. The fear in her voice was apparent and Hope couldn’t help but be a little touched at how much Kelley needed her presence.

“Kell, I’m right here. I’m not leaving you.” She said back. All of a sudden Kelley heard a jingle of keys somewhere off in the distance, the turn of a lock, and then a horrible screeching sound. Next came a sequence of shuffling footsteps, sounds of big thuds and grunts coming from Hope’s mouth.

“Follow me babe.” Hope whispered into her ear a few moments later.

She grabbed a hold of Kelley’s hand and the smaller girl dutifully followed. They walked about twenty steps until they stopped and she felt Hope pull off the handkerchief. Kelley, expecting her eyes to need the time to readjust, was utterly surprised that she really couldn’t see a thing except the small amount of light coming from Hope’s iphone. It was pitch black, and Kelley knew that if Hope wasn’t here, she would have been shitting her pants out of fear of the dark.

“I’m here.” Hope said tenderly. Kelley heard the sound of metal of metal, and all of a sudden a buzzing sound came out from thirty feet above them. She could see flickers of light bulbs fire in their circle shells. Only a few had fired up, but then one by one, more light bulbs fired up and Kelley could see that they were stadium lights. Seconds after, five other stadium lights illuminated.

The smaller girl stood with her mouth wide open and looked around to see that they were at GVFC’s old club fields. 

“Hope...” Kelley breathed in awe. The two were all alone on acres of club owned land with pristine grass and precise white lines laid out. It was a field of dreams and it was quite possible the best view she could ever have. Her sights landed on Hope, and she knew, _yes, this is the best view ever._

“How did you-?” Kelley didn’t quite complete her sentence, she was still in awe of the beauty of this pitch. 

“These field are owned by Paul’s brother and his new club. He let me borrow the keys to the kingdom.” Hope beamed with pride as she pulled out the lanyard full of multiple sets of different looking keys. 

“Well, we don’t have any soccer balls...” Kelley said as she looked around disappointingly. 

“I can fix that.” Hope said with a grin. The taller girl grabbed a hold of Kelley’s hand and the two headed to a small building that was erected in between many sectioned off fields. It had the sign “OFFICE” on it, and around the corner was a mini garage with many pop up goals, tools, and training equipment all organized in the corner. Hope made her way one of the three golf carts parked inside the garage and sat in it.

“NO WAY!” Kelley screamed with delight as Hope patted the spot next to her.

“Yes way. We have to go to the ball shed and it’s towards the entrance of the fields, so why not take this bad boy out for a spin.” She said with a mischievous grin.

Like juveniles, or teenagers, either way, the two sped down the perfectly manicured grass and yelled their heads off, did donuts around the eighteen yard box, and took turns to see how fast it would go down the length of the field. They were doubled over, clutching their sides from the laughter by the time they reached the shed which had more than a dozen bags of balls. Kelley and Hope managed to get five bags stuffed into the back seat of the golf cart and they sped their way back.

“So, I brought a little treat.” Hope said as they changed into pieces of clothing that belonged to Hope that were stuffed in the plastic bag. Hope watched with her mouth open as Kelley took her top off and threw on a UNC soccer shirt that Hope had gotten when she visited the campus.

“What’s that?” Kelley said when she looked up after changing her clothes.

Hope crouched down and reached into her bag and pulled out Kelley’s cleats.

“YAAS!” Kelley screamed with delight. She hurriedly put them on.

“That’s not all though, Kell.” Hope said mischievously. She pulled out a twelve pack of Redd’s Apple Ale. Kelley looked at her with widened eyes.

The two girls lined up balls from the halfway mark and ripped them across the black sky, hoping for some of them to land in goal. They missed, they drank, they scored, they drank. Hope managed to hit the crossbar, and convinced Kelley that it warranted a shotgun. In truth, they both had no idea what that had meant, and it resulted in Kelley chugging the can from the mouth on top for two minutes.

When the alcohol started to make a noticeable effect on Kelley, three cans in, the shots on the ball would get lazy and Kelley more affectionate. They took breaks and drove around in the golf cart, and screamed their heads off into the black and starry night. For Hope, it wasn’t until she was somewhere among the trees, squatting down to break the seal and relieve herself of the eight cans she had downed, that she realized _Yep, I’m drunk._

They were all alone in their blissful bubble. The alcohol swirling in their bloodstream, Kelley’s perfume mixed in with her sweat, and Hope’s eyes resplendent in the stadium lights, made a perfect cocktail for quite possibly, the best night of their lives.

Kelley would sway into Hope’s rock hard body and whispers sweet ‘i love you’s’ into her ear while she held on to Hope’s shirt. Way into the night, Kelley had lined up a shot from the top of the 18’ and she stepped up to the ball, swung her leg up, and as it came back down, it missed the ball. Hope laughed and doubled over, and Kelley joined in. It was 3 am and both were delusional and drunk, and in love.

Hope had managed to to scoop up all the stray balls that were sent off into the distance while she drove the golf cart and Kelley lay in the middle of the pitch, giggling at absolutely nothing, like they had been doing all night. The forward looked up at the stars and swore that she could see the meaning of life up there. The stars were so much brighter here than when she looked up at the sky from Hope’s roof. Everything was right in the world.

She was in the middle of scanning the sky for the big dipper when she heard that familiar sound of metal on metal, and all of the lights turned off. It was pitch black. Kelley instantly shot up and the hairs on the back of her neck, did too. Before she could call out for her girlfriend, she saw the iPhone flashlight emit it’s beam from the distance. It cast shadows of Hope’s long legs, which were swaying in Kelley’s direction. It was silent, other than the rustling of Hope’s footsteps on the grass. Hope stopped right in front of Kelley, who was sitting with her legs sprawled out and her arms holding her up from the back. The forward could barely make out the outline of her tall girlfriend standing above her, and if this was anyone else, she would have screamed bloody murder.

Hope fiddled with her phone and the flashlight turned off, engulfing them in complete darkness again. Kelley heard Hope’s knees creak, and felt her strong, calloused hands inch their ways up their calves. The air and tone of the night had instantly changed. As Hope’s fingers trailed higher and higher up her legs, the goosebumps followed and heat below Kelley’s navel started to build. The forward found herself being tugged forward firmly by the backs of her knees, and she shivered when she felt Hope’s lips on her calves. Her ragged breathing and warm and wet combination of her mouth slowly sprinkled satisfying kisses all up her legs that rocked Kelley’s body.

She felt the bottom of her shirt being pushed up gently, and Hope’s mouth quickly laid kissed on her stomach. Her mouth traveled up slowly and then her hand gently unclasped the bra from the front that Kelley was wearing. The smaller girl had a sharp intake of breath when she felt the surface of Hope’s tongue skillfully swipe at the base of her nipple.

“Hope?” Kelley whispered. She gently grabbed the girl’s face and pulled her up. Neither of them could really see each other’s expression in the dark, but Hope could feel Kelley’s hard and flexed muscles soften. 

“What’s up? Are you okay?” Hope quietly hushed back. There was a hint of panic in her voice.

“I’m okay. I just.” Kelley willed her eyes to adjust to the darkness quicker. She searched the outline of Hope’s face for a long while until her pupils had effectively dilated enough for her to see Hope’s eyes.

“I’m yours.” Kelley whispered. “You know that right?” She asked.

Hope relaxed a little, the panic quickly fading, and the euphoria of love coursing through her veins replacing it.

“Kid, you’ve always been mine. And I’ve always been yours.” Hope said thoughtfully.

Kelley closed the gap in between them and their bodies melted together. Their kisses, their touches, and their whispers were slow and thoughtful. And everytime Kelley touched her girlfriend, it left a burning, aching sensation underneath her skin and Hope had to remind herself to slow it down.To savor the sensuality of Kelley O’Hara. Hope inhaled the perfume of her girlfriend and let it swirl in her brain with the alcohol, making her see stars in the back of her eyelids. She tasted the sweat and the wetness of the forward and ingested the ecstasy that exuded from her skin. She felt the soft skin in the inside of her thighs, her legs, and neck, and listened to the sweet and beautiful sounds of Kelley’s moans.

Once Kelley was left exhausted from the payoff from the pinnacle of pleasure, Hope was surprised to feel a trail of wet skin around Kelley’s eyes.

“Babe. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Hope whispered. She cupped the girl’s face and her eyes, which had adjusted to the darkness, filled with worry. Kelley just shook her head.

“I just love you.” Kelley said with a small smile. “I’ve never felt this before.” The forward added. She wiped her eyes and smoothed out the worry lines from her girlfriend’s face.

“I love you too.”

 

\--

 

“You know what, I don’t want to know what you two were doing. Just thank Cindy for bringing back your truck at 4am.” Marcus said to the two girls that were slowly climbing up the stairs. 

“Thank you, Cindy.” They said in unison.

“No problem, kids.” The older woman said with a chuckle.

 

\--

Kelley laid on her side and watched Hope’s stomach rise and fall with her breathing. She stared at her girlfriend and let the nostalgia of Hope Solo’s room hit her. Hard. Before the two had crashed into the bed, knowing that they would have to wake up in a few hours for class, Kelley, who was not as drunk when she had arrived at the Solo residence, stood in Hope’s closet and bunched up her girlfriend’s t-shirt in her hand and buried her face in it. The smell brought back every memory of the painful pining and silent rustling in her shorts when she touched herself and thought of the girl sleeping next to her almost every night.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere.” Kelley softly whispered to a sleeping Hope Solo.

“You have to promise me that you won’t.” She added. 

She watched Hope until the image of her blurred into a fuzzy shape and her eyes could no longer keep open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	9. Just Like Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was starting to have a mini panic attack about the future, and it didn't help that she was just frustrated with the present situation with her girlfriend.

\--

 

Hope was in the locker room before practice, in the middle of the struggle to get her arms through the sleeves, when coach Jill had called her from her office. The keeper struggled for what felt like three additional minutes, even requiring the help from Christen to get the goalkeeping training jersey on, before she made her way to the office. She closed the door when Jill signaled her to, and when it clicked shut, she felt the nerves in her stomach. The coach never called in players individually unless they were in trouble, or if they got cut from the team. She sat down slowly and waited for her to speak.

“So. We need to talk about college.” Jill said with a smirk. Hope groaned and her shoulders deflated. _Of course this is what this is about!_

“Ah c’mon kid. Why do you hate the subject so much? There are so many kids who would die to be in your position. I don’t think there has ever been a time when that nation’s top recruit was a goalkeeper. What’s up?” She asked with concern. Hope could see it in her face that Jill had truly cared about her and all of the players on the team. She was the best coach that Hope had ever had, and she trusted her fully, so she spoke candidly.

“Jill. I don’t want to think about the many coaching meetings, college visits, best degree programs, meet and greets, overnight stays, blah, blah, blah.” Hope said with an air of frustration.

“Why not? That’s the funnest part for most kids!”

“Because! It’s stressful and time-consuming and I have to make pointless small talk with a bunch of people who are going to pressure me into joining a program. They’re all basically the same!”

“So then pick which school has your favorite colors.” Jill said with a smirk.

“Coach! There’s too many schools!” Hope threw her hands in the air.

“And you have yet to meet with more than three! Listen, kid, I know that the problem isn’t that you don’t want to play. You and I both know that you want to continue this. And the national team is not going to look at you if your drop off the face of the earth. Now, it’s time to do the work to keep you playing."

“Okay, okay. I get that it’s overwhelming. Especially for a player like you. But, you and I both know that the unofficial deadline to commit is two weeks from now. You literally have coaches from every state hounding my office to talk about you. I regret letting you guys put your address as my office address.” Jill chuckled. 

Hope was grateful for that. The college letters had been piling up for years now and the phone had never stopped ringing since Hope had turned 16. Her family had to resort to changing their mailing address, and essentially getting rid of the landline. Judy knew how important it was for Hope to choose her own destiny, and the keeper was so thankful for that. It was one less added pressure. Pressure that she had yet to deal with.

“Well, what do you think I should do Coach?” Hope asked. She was about to give up on this conversation.

“What’s best for you.” Jill said simply. She added, “Look. You and I both know the coaches at the University of Washington, it’s a college that you have actually been to at least, and that’s where Dani just graduated from. So, something to think about. She told me to give you her number. She said that she expects a call, so don’t ignore her.” Jill said emphatically. She gave Hope a sticky note with ten digits on it.

“And. Don’t think that Mrs. Watt hasn’t talked to me about your grade in calculus, Hope. She says that you have missed a handful of classes already. What’s up with that kid? And don’t even think about lying to me, I see you and KO arrive at the fields from the parking lot. I know that you’re not coming back from your 8th period class.” Jill said with a sheepish grin. Hope just shrugged her shoulders and nervously laughed.

“Hope. You’re going to be 18 soon, and that means that you’re going to have to be accountable for everything you do. You CANNOT go to college by flunking out your last high school math. So, I’m going to cut my lecture short, and warn you that I don’t want to have to have this conversation with you again.” Jill said pointedly. Hope looked down at the ground, ashamed of the fact that she had gotten called out on her struggles in academics.

The keeper looked down at the little paper in her hands and let the realization that the dreaded college deadline was looming onto her horizon, soak in. She had to make the most important decision in her life within a couple of weeks, and that was enough to send her mind into a spiral. She could make the wrong decision and it would potentially affect the rest of her career and her life. _It fucking sucks to be Hope Solo._

 

\--

 

The whole team walked their usual path to the fields for practice.. Ashlyn and Ali were arguing about something with Ali’s nails, Tobin and Christen were talking with the Meg(h)ans, Hope and Kelley were walking hand in hand, and the rest of the team trailed behind them.

“So, Hopester, I have to go home early today.” Kelley said with a pout. She nuzzled into Hope’s arm, hoping that her affection was enough as a consolation prize.

“Why is that, kid?” She asked sadly.

“My mom’s been on my ass about family dinners. And now that Erin is here all week, she’s been making me feel guilty about coming home late.” She said. 

“You know, I kinda miss family dinners at your house. Your mom is a way better cook than mine.” Hope chuckled.

“Yeah. Well, don’t expect me to be that good at cooking. I’ll make you PB&J and Ramen, but that’s it!” Kelley said.

“Kell, I’m Italian, I know how to cook. I’ll be that for us.” Hope said as she puffed out her chest out of pride.

“Well I’d love to see your parents sometime. I know it’s been awhile, but-”

“Um. Yeah. Maybe.” Kelley said as she scratched the back of her neck. She looked up to see Christen looking straight at her, with an unreadable expression. The two walked the rest of the way in silence. 

As they walked on, Hope grew increasingly upset at the realization that her and Kelley never had more than an hour alone with each other. In some ways it was a good thing. Hope definitely appreciated their time together more, and there was nothing better than seeing Kelley’s face after hours of separation. It was a look of relief, awakening, and lust. She didn’t think it was possible to feel this way about someone. To dread the long hours of separation only to feel the sweet sweet relief and swell of your heart when you would see them again. Also, Hope was actually forced to do her homework, something that was starting to become a real issue.

But sometimes, it wasn’t such a good thing. Hope would sometimes wake up in the morning and the absence of the forward’s presence came crashing down on her like a tsunami and she would drown in her misery and be left staring at the now useless blue toothbrush that hung next to hers in the bathroom. She didn’t have the heart to get rid of it. There was still a promise that someday, be it a few weeks from now, or years from now, Kelley may live with her again and need that toothbrush.

Every once in awhile, Hope would catch a whiff of the smell of the cocktail that was Kelley’s facial cleanser and lotion, and she couldn’t get it out of her bedsheets, her clothes, or her brain. Hope kept the maroon Stanford shirt that belonged to Kelley, hoping that it would calm her down when she would feel the sadness, but also so that maybe, it would convince her to go to that school. After all, Hope wasn’t handling their current situation that well now, and she couldn’t imagine how it would be if she didn’t go to the same school as her. She didn’t want to think about how that would break her.

 

\--

 

“So. Everyone still down to come to my house on friday? No parentals!” Ashlyn said with excitement. Every let out loud approvals, whoops, and hollers.

“Are you going?” Christen whispered in Tobin’s ear.

The midfielder took her sweet ass time in putting her cleats on and tying them with a pristine bow before she turned to Christen to acknowledge her. She shrugged. Christen rolled her eyes.

“Go. I want you to go.” Christen softly demanded.

“Why?” Tobin asked, It was a loaded question.

“Because.” Christen said with force. She kept her gaze with the midfielder.

“Because why?” Tobin asked like a five year old. It had an edge to it, and she wasn’t quite successful in ironing out the bitterness. It didn’t lighten Christen’s mood, who became very somber. Sadness seemed to be etched into every corner of Christen’s face.

“Because I want to spend as much time with you that I can before you go to UNC and become some superstar and leave me behind.” She said quietly. She briefly grabbed Tobin’s chin before she got up walked away to do their warm up stretches. Tobin grazed the area in which Christen’s hands had just touched, and she sat there for a few minutes, letting those words hit her. _Before you go to UNC...leave me behind..._

“Fuck stretching! Let’s play some chicken!” Pinoe let out a roar. Kling quickly jumped onto her back.

“Oh no, fuck that.” Ali said and pushed Pinoe, causing the chicken pair to crash to the ground before they even saw it coming. Everyone broke into a fit of laughter.

 

\--

 

 

Christen Press waited by the railing in front of the school’s library like she did everyday at 11:23 am. She waved at the little freshman Mallory who seemed to be in the full swing of school, and Christen was glad to see that she was walking with a bunch of the younger girls from the junior varsity team. She remembered how much the girl had struggled to make friends at a new school, and was more than happy to see how well it was going for her now.

Christen craned her neck and scanned the hallways, hoping to catch a sight of that familiar US Soccer snapback. She glanced down at her phone and started to worry. Tobin was usually at their meeting spot a lot earlier than her.

Press: You at school today? [11:26a]

Christen saw the three dots appear on her text conversation and waited in anticipation. She narrowed her eyes in confusion when they disappeared, and the warning bell sounded, letting her know that she had a minute to get to class. _That’s weird._

Christen sprinted down the hallway, turned the corner, turned another, and then dashed into room 243 right when the bell rang. She shot her history teacher a sweet smile before she walked to her desk, which was in the far back right corner.

“I appreciate the timeliness, CP.” Kelley turned around in her desk and joked. “I’m so not taking notes for you at Stanford.”

Christen just playfully rolled her eyes, took out her textbook in order to give the impression that she was listening, and then her eyes wandered around the classroom as the teacher started reading off of his powerpoint lectures. This was how third period always was for Christen. Well, in reality, this was how all of her classes were. Christen would waste time everyday just sitting in a class full of idiots, and pretend to listen to a teacher lecture about material that she had already read a week before. Most teachers read off of a powerpoint that they posted for the students to look at for the semester. _Why am I surrounded by all of these imbeciles? He already posted what this test is about and he already told us what chapters to read._

Whenever Christen got too bored, she would pull out her phone and text Kelley. The teacher never really called them out since they were his two best students. Today, was no different, and when she opened her messages app to send one to her best friend, she tried her hardest to ignore the fact that Tobin had still not texted her back.

CP: Are you going 2 Ash’s house tomorrow? [11:42a]

KO: It’s still up in the air. My fuckin mom wants me to go to Jer’s game...even though he’s gimpy..and he’s not going to play -__- [11:43a] 

CP: How is the home life? [11:44a]

KO: Spectacular. [11:44am]

Christen was about to type in a response text when she noticed Kelley’s shoulders hunched in a little more, and she could see by the way her arms were flexed that she was tapping away on her phone. Christen looked down at her own phone and was a little confused to see that three dots had not appeared in their window of conversation. 

The girl slowly sat up in her seat and craned her neck so that she could see Kelley’s phone. She saw that Kelley had impressively managed to type out a big paragraph out. She was about to see who the recipient was, before Kelley sent it and then locked her phone. Christen internally cursed the world. She studied the back of Kelley’s head and noticed that she was feigning attention to the teacher.

Call it being intelligent, intuitive, observant, or just plain clairvoyant, Christen had an awful gut feeling in her stomach. She turned her head to the left for a second and her eyes landed on the front desk in the third row across the room. She watched as Adam took his phone out of his pocked, and slyly placed it in the middle of his lap when he unlocked his phone to read a text message.

_What the fuck?_

Christen instantly typed out a text.

CP: Hey, we need to talk. [11:47a]

She put her phone down loudly on her desk and sat back. She noticed Kelley look at her phone screen and then turn around slightly. She gave Christen a confused look, with which Christen just stared her down in response. They had an unspoken connection, and Christen didn’t need to tell her, nor text her, that she was serious about having this conversation.

When Kelley turned back around, Christen tried her best to pay attention to the teacher’s monotone voice drone on and one about some battle in the Civil War.

 

\--

“Hey, what’s up?” Kelley whispered into Christen’s ear. 

The other forward looked around and then pulled Kelley by the arm through some glass doors and into the empty courtyard.

“Hey, so how are you and Hope?” Christen asked lightly.

“Wait, what? You give me these death stares and drag me out here so you can ask how Hope and I are doing??” Kelley asks in disbelief.

“Just answer the question.”

“Um....We’re good! I mean remember I told you how the date went. That was amazing! I mean I don’t think I’ll ever drink again in my life, but ya know-”

“So, you guys are good? Nothing wrong? She’s treating you good? You’re treating her good?” Christen fired out the questions quickly, taking her friend by surprise.

“Whoa, Pressy. Yes, we are good. I love her. She loves me. Everything is good. Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. How is it with your parents?” Christen asked, not wanting Kelley to successfully distract her.

“Fine. What’s with all of the questions?” Kelley crossed her arms and Christen could see that the girl had immediately tensed up.

“Kell, I want to know what happened with your parents. I’m serious this time.” Christen looked her dead in the eye. She watched as her freckled friend huffed in frustration and rolled her eyes.

“It’s none of your business, Chris.”

“It IS.”

“Is NOT.”

“It so fucking is!”

“No. It’s not.”

“It is! You’re my best friend! You think that you can just coast through this strange situation and come out with a fancy car and think that I’m not going to notice all of the bullshit! What are you doing?” She asked with narrowed eyes.

“Chris, honestly fuck off. Okay? I don’t harass you about your situation with Tobin. I don’t stick my nose in that mess! What am I doing? What the fuck are YOU doing?! You’re stringing the poor girl along!” As Kelley spat those words out, Christen instantly put her guard up. She knew what Kelley was doing. It was a tactic to throw Christen off of her initial plan in pulling information out of her best friend. But, just because she knew it was a tactic, doesn’t mean that she couldn’t help but feel the sting of her words.

“You know what Kelley, I would have told you what was going on if you just fucking asked. When’s the last time you have asked about me? Or talked about something other than you? You have no idea what is going on with Tobin and I and that’s not because of me!” Christen’s voice started to crack.

“So don’t throw that in my face! I’ve been more than invested in your relationship with Hope! Someone, who by the way, is at her fucking breaking point with you!” At this point, Christen was yelling. The girls had to be thankful that no one was out in the courtyard.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Kelley narrowed her eyes.

“How long do you think you can keep this up, Kelley? Seriously. How long? You think Hope is going to go another week without knowing the full story?”

“What makes you think you know everything, Chris?” Kelley shouted. That statement definitely made her explode.

“I don’t know everything Kelley! But I see the way Hope’s expression falls when you skirt the topic of your family. And yeah, I don’t know much, but she actually talks to me about how your relationship is going! Something I can’t say about you!”

“What do you mean? Are you talking about me behind my back?” Kelley asked with an accusatory tone.

“For fuck’s sake Kell! I asked her how things were going between you two and that’s it. She told me that you still haven’t told her about your parents and that she was going to try to not push it for your sake.”

“Well maybe you should follow her lead!” Kelley shouted

“Did you not hear me? She’s not going to last much longer.”

“Wow, well maybe you should back off talking to my girlfriend and quit starting shit.” Kelley started walking towards the doors. She almost made it, before Christen stopped her with her hand on her chest. The two stood still, breathing heavy and both fired up from their frustration with each other. Christen whispered through gritted teeth.

“You’re right, I’m going to back off. From now on, I don’t give a shit about all of this. I may not know what is going on with your parents, but you really think I don’t know what you’re doing? You can put the blame all on me, but you and I both know that whatever you’re doing with _him_ doesn’t look good.” Christen looked up to see Kelley with her eyes widened and her mouth slightly open.

“I gave you a chance, O’Hara.” Christen said in a normal tone of voice as she walked back through the glass doors, leaving her friend standing there, stunned.

 

\--

 

Hope felt her phone vibrate in her pocket as she stood waiting by Kelley’s car at the start of their lunch period.

CP: Seriously, fuck your girlfriend. [12:23p]

Hope: What happened?? [12:23p]

Before the goalkeeper could get a response, she heard a whistle not too far off and spotted Adam and a few guys who must have been on the football team. She didn’t really know their names, but she figured as much since they had the typical jock uniform. They were all ten times bigger than Adam’s lean soccer frame.

“Shit, Solo. You must be the luckiest friend to get to ride in that whip!” One of the guys called out. They all circled the car and started looking at it’s body and admiring the view. Hope just rolled her eyes and put her guard up, hoping that Kelley would get there soon.

“Sure, Sure.” She called out.

CP: Never mind. [12:25p]

“Shit. I mean I’ll take the BMW or O’Hara. Either way, I’d ride it.” One of the unnamed jocks said. Hope’s ears got hot with anger and her mouth opened to throw something back, but Adam cut her off.

“Hey, fuck off Trevor. Fucking cool it with your shit.” Adam said with a glare. He gave Hope an apologetic look, before he quickly changed his tone.

“I remember when I saw this thing for the first time in her driveway. This shit was sick!” Adam yelled excitedly and joined in with his friends in inspecting every inch of the car.” Hope looked up from her phone, registering that that statement sounded weird to her. She shook it off and went back to ignoring them and working out a text response to Christen that she never got to send.

“Oh hey, Kell-bell!” Adam yelled. Hope looked up from the recently sent text message on her phone to Christen.

“Fucking beat it, guys!” Kelley said forcefully. Hope looked at her with concern as she noticed that Kelley was genuinely upset.

“Whoa whoa whoa!” The other guys yelled. “Are you on your period, O’Hara?”

“I swear to fucking god, I will run your balls over with this car, Trevor! Just fucking scram!” She threw her hand in the air, completely bypassed Hope and then gets in her car. The boys guffaw and eventually dispersed, but not before they throw in more period jokes. Hope stood by the passenger side door and watched as Kelley started the car and let out a loud scream. The keeper could barely hear it since all of the car doors were closed, but she stood still, unsure of what to do. She didn’t move a muscle until she saw Kelley nod her head, signaling her to get in.

\--

“I’m sorry.” Kelley said quietly. They had driven in silence, with Kelley gripping the steering wheel in one hand and Hope’s hand in the other. The taller girl just sat still and observed her girlfriend quietly.

“What’s wrong, Kell?” Hope asked tenderly.

“I’ve just had a rough day.” Kelley said with gritted teeth.

“What happened? Did something happen to your family?”

“No, I had a fight with Christen.” Kelley said matter of factly. Then it suddenly clicked with Hope that this must be what Christen’s text was about.

“What did you fight about?”

“Why are you talking to her about me?” Kelley said slowly, and with narrowed eyes. She continued, “Pressy just attacked me after class and told me all about how you guys talk about my family behind my back. You care to explain?”

Hope looked taken aback for a second, a little surprised with Kelley’s sudden aggressiveness.

“Umm..There’s nothing really to explain. Chris just asked me what was going on with your family and I told her that I don’t even know.” Hope said with a shrug. The she added slowly, “So...Are you going to tell me anytime soon or...?”

“You said you were going to give me time.” Kelley just sighed in frustration.

“And I have!” Hope said emphatically. The keeper instantly let go of Kelley’s hand, her frustration levels starting to equal that of her girlfriend.

“I told you not to do that.” Kelley said quietly as she pointed down towards Hope’s hand. The sadness started to creep into Kelley’s expression as she kept her eyes on the road, and her hands on the steering wheel.

“Kell.” Hope’s frustration and anger was starting to rise.

“You can’t keep doing this. I mean it this time. You can’t attack me because I talk to a mutual friend of ours about how worried we are about you. At least, CP talks to me.”

“What the fuck does that mean? What, I don’t talk to you??” Kelley put her car in park, and Hope registered out of the corner of her eye that they were in the forward’s driveway to her house.

“No. You don’t.” Hope said simply. She half expected Kelley to stay in the car and continue this conversation, and she rolled her eyes when Kelley jumped out of the car and paced to her front door. _Fucking typical, O’Hara._

“Are you seriously trying to avoid this conversation right now?” Hope said quietly behind the forward who was busy unlocking the front door. Her question was met with the sound of jingling keys, a lock being turned, and Kelley’s padded footsteps on the carpet of her home. Hope could feel the heat of her anger on her skin, and her heart was pounding in her chest. She tried to recall a time that she was ever upset with Kelley as much as she was now, and she came up blank. She stood in her spot, paralyzed by her anger and frustration. To her, it seemed like if she were to follow the smaller girl, it would be a surrender. And this time, she was getting fed up with just being a follower to Kelley O’Hara. She looked down and saw that her hands were balled up in a fist. She slowly unclenched them, a little scared of how angry she was, and just turned around and moved her feet. _You can’t let it get to you like that. You can’t. You can’t._ She was a little unsure of where they were taking her. She got about fifteen steps in before she thought about her destination, but she didn’t have time to really process it when she heard Kelley’s small and timid voice.

“Hope?”

The keeper stopped in her tracks and she closed her eyes. She couldn’t tell if the frustration was leaving or entering her body. The sound of Kelley’s voice had the capability of divesting her of all of the anger and resentment coiled in her brain, but it was also the source of it all this time. She felt Kelley’s tiny arms wrap around her waist and her fingers interlock around her belly button.

“You know I hate it when you leave. You can’t do that.” Kelley’s muffled voice cracked a little and her grip around Hope tightened.

“Kelley. You can’t demand that of me.” Hope responded with her back to the smaller girl. “You can’t tell me to do things your way, when you can’t do the simple task of opening up to your girlfriend. You can’t have it both ways.” She let the sting of her words settle and the two just stood in silence.

The keeper felt Kelley’s face nuzzle into her shirt, and the distressing sensation of wetness pooled on the back of her shirt. Hope could only imagine the silent tears that Kelley was trying hard to wipe away.

“Just give me one more week. Please.” The smaller girl pleaded. Hope’s shoulders slumped.

“Kell...”

“Just one more week, Hope. I promise. I’ll tell you everything. Please. Please.” She pleaded with the girl over and over and managed to turn the taller girl around and nuzzle even tighter into her chest. The instant that Kelley’s lips, which were moistened by the tears trailing down her face, trailed down her neck, Hope knew that she was done for.

“Fine.” She said in defeat. She let Kelley drag her by the hand and into her house.

“I’m starving. What are we going to eat? We only have twenty minutes before class starts.” Hope said with a groan.

“I’ll cook my specialty.” Kelley said, her smile bright after all of the tears were wiped away. 

“What’s that?” Hope just tilted her head in confusion.

“You already know, Solo. PB&J, and I’ll even cook you some Ramen.” Kelley said with a smirk. Hope smiled back with a shake of her head and watched as the girl attempted to ‘cook.’ She held her close as they ate and Hope tried her hardest to tell herself that it was all going to be okay. Blame it on keeper instinct, but something wasn’t right.

 

\--

Kelley angrily whipped through the pages of her textbook, searching for the answer to the question in the back of the book.

“Tobs, why in the world did we sign up for Calculus our senior year?!” Kelley yelled in frustration as she narrowed her eyes, desperately trying to read the small print.

“Well, I know why you did, Stanford. Me on the other hand, I still question my outfit choices that I made today.” Tobin said lazily as she removed the earbud from her left ear and swung it. Kelley grabbed Tobin’s notebook and settled on her bed and she compared their answers, while the midfielder plopped herself next to her and stared up at the ceiling and hummed the tune to some song.

Tobin shrugged her shoulders whenever Kelley corrected her answers and after the fifth question she ripped her notebook from Kelley’s hand and then threw it across the room.

“I hate homework. Let’s talk about something else.” Tobin said with a grin.

“Ugh. Fine.” Kelley said “I got into a fight with CP, today.” She added quietly.

Tobin’s body tensed, but she didn’t get up from her comfortable position. She shot Kelley an inquiring look and settled further in the bed as she listened to her friend retell the events between her and Christen Press.

“Well, Chris just cares about you and Hope. You know that, right?” Tobin asked.

“Tobs! She’s prying! I mean, for her to go to Hope and not me, that breaks all best friend codes that I can think of!” Kelley said as she counted the imaginary best friend codes on her fingers.

“KO.” Tobin said with a knowing look. “You and I both know you’re being ridiculous. Hope and CP are friends, too. And even though I don’t ask you about it because I know you don’t want to talk about it, I worry about you too sometimes.” She said softly.

“Your friends and girlfriend just want you to know that they’re there for you. That includes me.” She added with a tender smile. Kelley’s shoulders slumped and she gave a slight nod while she fell back on her pillow and turned so that she was facing Tobin.

“If it makes you feel better, I’m kind of on the outs with Chris, too.” Tobin said with a shrug to her shoulders. “I’ve kind of been avoiding her..” 

“Why?”

Tobin let out a sigh. “The other day, she said something to me that got me thinking.” She said, pensively. She retold her conversation with Christen Press to Kelley and the two laid there in silence. 

“Ever since she said that I was going to leave her behind, I’ve just been thrown off, Kell. Like, here I am falling for a girl who is going to spend at least four years of her life on the opposite coast. And, I still don’t know how she feels about me exactly, but at this point, does it even matter?” Tobin asked with a tone of frustration.

“I’m sorry, Tobs.” Kelley said softly. Tobin just nodded.

“I don’t even let myself think about Hope and I after we graduate. I have absolutely NO clue as to where she is going to go after high school. And at this point, there is only one school for me..” Tobin didn’t need to look at Kelley to know that the smaller girl was wiping away a tear that had escaped from her eye.

“I’m at a loss for what to do, KO. And Ash and I are weirder than usual.”

“You guys were good when you helped me out on my date night!” 

“Yeah, but I’ve let my anger at her get too far away from me. Our relationship is weird now.” Tobin said sadly. Their conversation was interrupted by a soft knock on Kelley’s door. Mrs. O’Hara peeked in her head and smiled at the sight of Tobin.

“Oh, hey Tobin! Long time no see!” She said with a warm smile. Tobin didn’t have the heart to tell her that she did in fact see her at the club meeting because she could tell that Kelley’s mom was exhausted, but she didn’t know what from. The midfielder sat up in the bed and stood up to give the older woman a hug. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Kelley just rolled her eyes.

“Mom, Tobin and I are studying.” Kelley said with a bored voice.

“Yes, yes. How are you, Tobin?” Mrs. O’Hara said excitedly. The two chatted and exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes before the air turned awkward and Kelley was rolling her eyes every time her mom opened her mouth.

“So. you gotta boyfriend, Tobs?” Mrs. O’Hara said playfully. Tobin responded with a nervous chuckle.

“No way, Mrs. O.” She said with a shake to her head.

“Why not?! You’re a beautiful girl, Tobin!” The older woman said in disbelief. Tobin just continued to shake her head and laugh.

“I swear, Tobin, I know some coworkers with nice young sons who would love-”

“MOM! SHE’S A LESBIAN!” Kelly shouted. Tobin instantly shut up and sat down on Kelley’s desk chair and looked straight at the forward, both surprised at Kelley’s sudden outburst, and very nervous at how the older woman was going to react.

“Oh.” Kelley’s mom said. She gave Tobin a curt smile, folded out the creases at the bottom of her skirt, and then slowly walked out of Kelley’s room, leaving the door wide open. Tobin just stared on with her eyes wide in shock. Kelley just covered her face with her hands and let out a groan of frustration.

“What the...” Tobin said quietly.

“I’m sorry, Tobs.” Kelley said though her hands.

Tobin just laughed. “You just outed me to your mom!” The two laughed until their sides hurt.

 

\--

Hope brushed her teeth, flicked the switch to turn off the lights, and jumped into bed. She tried her hardest to push away the bad thoughts of the day. They were nagging at her all day and it was becoming a thorn in her side. She picked up her phone, texted Kelley a goodnight text and then did her routine through facebook, instagram, and snapchat before she checked her email. She found the email that Jill had sent her and studied the schedule laid out in the email. She studied all of the phone numbers and sighed as she realized that she was going to have to call every single one of them. She put her phone down and let the realization that she was going to have to be an adult, hit her. 

In an instant, Hope was on her feet and in her closet, searching for her sweatpants and tennis shoes. She ruffled through her comforter to find her phone, found her keys in her backpack and silently walked down to the front door of her house. As the cool air of the night hit her, she stopped in her tracks at the sight of her mom’s mini van parked in the driveway. _Fuck._ She knew that the groan of the engine of her old truck would wake her mom up, and she was in no mood to getting another lecture from an adult.

Hope tried her best at unlocking the garage door from the key on her lanyard and pushed up the heavy door with a great amount of strength. The struggle came from the fact that she had to do this all silently. She sighed in relief when the garage door stayed up, and she searched the garage in the darkness for the one thing she needed.

She spotted it’s bright green frame, and was extra careful in pulling her brother’s old bike down from the hook. She patted the seat affectionately, was pleasantly surprised that the tires were still full of air, and hopped on it and wheeled away silently. She knew exactly where to go, and she pounded the pavement and the whirring sound of the rubber on the asphalt brought her much comfort. Her legs went in an up and down fashion and her lungs started to burn two miles in.

She didn’t quite understand what she was running (biking) away from, but she knew where she was going. The destination was three more miles away, and Hope pedaled faster that she ever did before. She zig zagged through the neighborhood, wheeled around trash cans that neighbors had set out for trash collection for the morning, and jumped off of the sidewalks like she did when she was a kid. She even giggled when she purposefully knocked down a mailbox with her arm. She biked away without looking back.

Her heart beat quickened when she saw the street sign she was looking for, and she slowly took the turn and slowed her bike to a stop when she reached the two story house. The moment she turned the street corner, she knew something was off. The baby blue beamer was nowhere in sight. _Maybe they park it inside the garage now?_ She pulled out her phone and called Kelley.

No answer. 

She called again.

No answer.

She called again. And this time, she could hear Kelley’s phone go off with Hope’s designated ringtone of ‘Ridin’ Solo’ off in the distance. Hope looked up and decided that it must have come from Kelley’s room, which was on the second floor.

No answer.

Hope gently laid the bike on the floor, grabbed a tiny rock, and launched it so that it hit the window to Kelley’s room. She internally chastised herself for how cliche this all was, but what else was she going to do. The girl wasn’t answering her phone.

No answer.

Hope tried three more times.

No answer.

At this point, she was fed up. She grabbed her bike with such force and sped back off into the distance. _Where are you, Kelley? I fucking need you._ As she pedaled, Hope remembered why she had made this trek in the first place. She was starting to have a mini panic attack about the future, and it didn't help that she was just frustrated with the present situation with her girlfriend. Her thoughts started to wander to where Kelley could be. _She told me that Tobin was at her house to study, but she didn’t tell me that she was going anywhere. She said that she was just hanging out with Erin and then was going to sleep....Then why isn’t she answering my calls. Kelley never ignores me. And why wasn’t her car there... Fuck, Kelley. Where are you?_

Hope was thankful that it was two in the morning and the darkness protected her. She hated that the tears were starting to well up. _Fucking college. Fucking Kelley. Why do I have to deal with this?? I don’t want to. I just want her to be here with me._ Hope slowed her bike to a stop on the side of the road and gave herself a moment’s breath to wipe the tears away. She took a deep breath and continued what she thought would be a miserable ride home.

But she took her feet off of the pedals and let the bike click as she coasted down the big hill. She let the cool air dry the freshly formed tears as the air whirled around her. She felt free. She felt relaxed. She even balanced herself and rode down the street with both of her arms in the air, something she hadn’t done since she was a kid. It was liberating, and quite possibly one of the best feelings in the world. Second to the feeling of having Kelley in her arms. The road, the solitude, the feeling of being a kid was cathartic in a world in which we have to be adults.

Hope was happy to finally get back to her house, but her heart dropped and her bike slowed to a halt when she saw Kelley’s baby blue car parked across from her house, in front of Adam’s.

\--

She looked at the car, studying to see if Kelley was in it, and her anger was starting to grow. Hope quickly turned around when she heard a ‘pop’ sound in the direction of her house.

Her heart swelled at the sight of Kelley standing in her lawn.

The forward was bending down to look for something on the ground. She picked up something that the keeper couldn’t see. And like a girl who had never thrown a ball in her life, Kelley awkwardly wound up her arm and launched the object in her hand towards Hope’s window. The object wildly missed and Hope saw that it was a rock that bounded off the brick, several feet away from her window.

Any anger that she had harbored, melted away, and in that moment, Hope Solo couldn’t have fallen more in love with Kelley O’Hara.

 

\--

Kelley’s legs were wrapped around Hope’s waist and her arms around her neck while Hope sat on her bed.

“Yeah, I know. I didn’t know where to park because I was so surprised to see your mom was home.” Kelley said with a chuckle.

“I got a little upset. I thought you were ignoring me.” Hope said quietly. She didn’t quite meet her girlfriend’s eye. Kelley affectionately brushed Hope’s wispy hairs out of her face and kissed her gently. She caught Hope’s eyes.

“I had to leave my phone at home. I think my parents are tracking me..” Kelley said thoughtfully.

“But I had to see you.” Kelley said with a smile.

“I wanted to see you too.” Hope responded strongly. Kelley peppered the keeper’s neck with more kisses.

“What’s up, babe?” Kelley asked with a strong tone of concern. Hope sighed before she rambled about her conversation with Jill and her impending college decision. She let it spill to Kelley that it was taking a toll on her mentally. The future was scary. Kelley was struggling with the happiness she felt that Hope was opening up to her, and the sadness that her girlfriend was struggling.

“That’s kind of why I wanted to see you.” The forward said quietly. “I want what’s best for you, Hope. I really do. But I also can’t live without you.” She said that as she grabbed bunches of Hope’s hair in the back. The keeper knew what that meant.

“Have you even considered Stanford?” Kelley asked desperately.

“I have, Kell. I have.” Hope said soothingly.

“I love you. And I will do whatever it takes to be with you, even if that means long distance. But if there is a chance that you will go to my school, I swear that would...” Kelley put her heart on her chest, unable to finish her thought. 

“I love you too, kid. I am considering it. I have a phone interview with Ratcliffe tomorrow. Okay? I’m also looking at Washington and about twenty thousand other schools in the West.” Hope said as she buried her head into the crook of Kelley’s neck.

“But do you know what school you actually really want to go to?” 

“No, Kell, I genuinely don’t. I’ve been putting it off. And I’ve been trying to avoid it. And it’s been taking a toll on me. And I freak out! And then, I just get in this weird place and -”

“Okay, okay.” Kelley says soothingly as she stroked Hope’s face. “I’m not trying to pressure you, I’m just-. I just want you to know that-. I know my thoughts are all over the place, but I love you, and I want what’s best for you. And when I say that I can’t live without you, I just mean that I need you in my life. And no matter what happens, I want to be yours.”

“I can’t give you answer yet. But I know that I want to be yours, too.” Hope whispered. She laid Kelley’s head gently on one of her pillows and the two got tangled up in the bed sheets. Hope rolled her eyes into the back of her head as she felt Kelly's warm tongue in the middle of her legs. She let Kelley do, what only Kelley can do to her body, before they both fell asleep in each other’s arms, just like old times.

 

\--

 

Christen sat on the benches in the locker cage as she looked through her phone. She looked up wwhen she saw Ashlyn walk in.

“What’s up, CP, why you look so sad?” Ashlyn said with concern as she opened her locker.

“I think Tobin is avoiding me. I mean, I know she is.” Christen said sadly.

“You and me both. Why what’s up?” Ashlyn asked. Christen looked down at the six calls to Tobin on her phone that went unanswered. She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. The blonde goalkeeper took the hint.

“You still coming to my house tonight?” Ashlyn asked with a change in subject.

“Of course!” Christen said excitedly. The prospect of Ashlyn’s famous parties on the horizon was enough to get her happy again.

“Good. Because O’Solo isn’t coming. I couldn’t handle not having my CP there.”

“Oh thank God.” Christen said with a sigh of relief. After seeing Ashlyn’s confused expression, she added, “I mean it sucks that Hope isn’t going, but I can’t stand Kelley right now.”

Christen and Ashlyn spent the rest of the morning gossiping. They only changed the subject when Hope walked in. The rest of the teammates joined in on their pointless conversation, and Christen tried her best to not bring herself down at the realization that Tobin was not going to the soccer locker in the mornings, most likely to avoid her.

\--

Hope sat down on the metal chair that had screeched against the concrete when she pulled it out. She looked around at the few strangers that were hanging around the shops, and made sure that they were all in fact, strangers. She settled in her chair when she decided that she was safe. She pulled out her phone to text Kelley.

H: I hope Jer’s game goes well. I’m just going to be at home with all the phone interviews, so I won’t be able to talk. I love you. [7:32p]

K: I love you too, Solo. Good luck! [7:35p]

Hope put her phone back in her pocket. She fiddled with her thumbs and then, out of habit, pulled her phone back out and scrolled mindlessly through her apps. She tried her hardest to not let the guilt of lying to Kelley consume her. She couldn’t keep her leg still, and she couldn't’ put her phone down for more than a few seconds. Her nerves were getting to her. She was put out of her misery when the person she was meeting approached her table.

“Dani. Thanks for meeting me.” Hope said with a shy smile.

 

\--

 

Christen Press rolled her eyes as she took a sip of the miller light bottle in her hand. She was staring at Tobin who was hanging on the arm of some random girl that she had never seen before in her life. Tobin and the mystery girl were animatedly talking to Klingenberg, and Christen was sulking from the opposite side of Ashlyn’s kitchen, with Ali by her side.

“She’s not even that pretty, CP.” Ali whispered into her ear. 

“I don’t know, she’s pretty hot.” Ashlyn said as she took a swig of her beer. Ali hit her in the arm and shot her a look.

“Ow. I mean, she’s alright. I mean if you’re into that...” Ashlyn not-so-tactfully added.

Christen just narrowed her eyes at Tobin and waved her friends off.

“I’m not drinking anymore. I’m going to do something stupid if I do.” Christen said slowly. She put down her beer and the couple looked at each other and shrugged.

For the rest of the night, the many people at Ashlyn’s house kept the party raging. Christen didn’t even know half of the kids there. She bounced around the many conversations going on and even played two rounds of beer pong with a kid named Trevor, whom she made drink all of her cups. This Trevor guy was red in the face from the alcohol after their second game, and Christen noticed that he was starting to get increasingly handsy. She tried to brush off the subtle shoulder bumps and arm touches during the first game, but by the end of the second, it was hard to ignore.

She whacked his hands away, which were going for her butt, and she hilariously guessed the location of his right nipple and gave it a twist.

“You’re fuckin scum. Don’t even think about it.” She growled in his ear. It was a shame, because in the beginning he was a nice guy.

“Fuck!” He rubbed his breast after she let go. “What are you, a rug muncher??” He said with a face of disgust and pain.

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I am.” Christen said forcefully.

“Man, fuck this. This house is full of dykes. Soccer is a joke.” Trevor said as he threw the cup in his hand onto the beer pong table out of frustration. “I swear, you all need some good dick in your life. At least us men still got O’Hara.” Trevor turned away.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Christen quickly grabbed his shoulder and turned him around.

“I said Soccer is a joke. You need good dick. You interested?” He said with a mischievous grin. Christen balled her fists up, took a deep breath, and walked away. She could have sworn that she saw Tobin watching her with a concerned expression, but Christen brushed it off and marched outside to get some air. As soon as the cool air hit her, she smiled to see the Meg(h)ans, Ali, Ash, Morgan, and even little Mallory in a circle talking. She walked up to join them. She was greeted with all smiles, and the smell of tequila and vodka hit her strongly. She watched as her friends lazily laughed and their faces slack from the alcohol. She saw that Ashlyn’s eyes were bloodshot. She watched as Mallory retold a story about her flying on a hook in her garage, and the major wedgie she got as a result of it. She laughed along with everyone when Morgan freaked out about a lizard that she had spotted on her shoe. The poor girl was hiding in the bushes when Pinoe had picked it up and chased her with the animal in her hand. _No matter what anyone says, being the sober one is hilarious._

“Toby!” Ashlyn yelled. Clearly, the alcohol made her forget about the current tensions.

Christen quickly turned around to see the tan midfielder swaying and tripping on nothing as she made her way to the group. She was definitely drunk, too.

“Sup, Ash.” Tobin said with a lazy smile.

Christen watched as Tobin walked straight up to Ashlyn and planted a big, sloppy kiss onto the blonde’s lips. Everyone looked on with widened eyes. Even Pinoe was speechless. Klingenberg just started cracking up. Christen looked up at Ali, who at first seemed to be shocked, but when Tobin had pulled away, Ali was chuckling.

“We all good, bro?” Tobin slurred. She punched Ashlyn in the arm.

“Uh.... yeah bro.” Ashlyn cleared her throat and nodded. She then turned to Ali, who just laughed.

 

\--

 

“Please Christen! Pretty Please! Pressy please!” Christen rolled her eyes and scrunched her nose at the smell of the alcohol off of her teammates’ breath. All of them were huddling around her and drunkenly hanging off of her when Tobin had suggested playing drunk soccer pickup. Of course, all of the girls agreed to do it, and looked to their sober friend for the designated driver. 

Christen couldn’t help it and agreed to do so when saw Klingenberg hilariously attempt to juggle a ball. It seemed to have been the hardest thing in the world for her to do. Christen told them that she would bring them as soon as the house was cleared of all guests. That was a huge feat, and Christen sat comfortable in a random lawn chair while the drunk soccer girls yelled at everyone to get out. The forward had a huge smile on her face when she saw Trevor leave Ashlyn’s house.

“Did he hurt you?” Tobin drunkenly asked. She was standing by Christen’s chair with one hand on top of it, and her eyes were narrowed in on the boy. Christen observed Tobin for a second, unsure of how to proceed.

“No he didn’t, Heath.” She said simply. She figured that she would just make it simple.

“What’s up with the Heath?” Tobin said with a chuckle.

“Where’s your friend?” Christen asked with a tone of bitterness. 

“Laure? She had to bounce. What’s it to you?” Tobin couldn’t keep her balance and she sat on the lawn next to Christen, looking up at her with wide eyes.

“It’s none of my business, Tobs.” Christen avoided the midfielder’s eyes and looked angrily off in the distance and pretended to observe the dwindling number of people in Ashlyn’s backyard.

“So why are you acting like a jealous girlfriend, CP?” Tobin asked quietly. Christen sighed and debated whether she should answer drunken Tobin’s question. The forward knew exactly why she was acting this way, and she hated herself for it. She knew that if she had a candid conversation with the girl, there was a big chance that she would forget it in the morning.

“You know exactly why, Tobin.” She said with a glare on her face. That had taken Tobin aback. Sure, she was drunk, but she was sure that she was still sober enough to know that this was the most direct Christen Press has even been with her feelings.

“No, Pressy. I don’t know. ” She said slowly.

“Well, maybe you should ask yourself why you don’t know.” Christen retorted with an eye roll. “And then you can go back to ignoring me.”

“Chris, don’t do that. I wanted this. I asked you on a date.” And there it was. It was the first time that they had acknowledged the botched first date out loud. Christen felt a shiver run down her spine. Tobin continued, “You’re the one who is making this confusing.”

“Whatever.” Christen muttered. She got up when Ashlyn signaled her that everyone was out, and made her way to Ash’s dad’s Explorer. She waited as everyone hopped in and brought in two more cases of beer and a bag of soccer balls. Christen drove in silence as the rest of her teammates loudly talked over the radio. The forward tried her hardest to not stare back at the honey brown eyes that she could feel on her in her rearview mirror.

 

\--

 

The forward put the huge car in park and watched as her friends and teammates stumbled out of the doors. She laughed heartily when Pinoe successfully scared Morgan into thinking there was a lizard on her seat, sending her flying out the door. The girls noticed that there was a couple of soccer games going on in the fields, so they all jumped back in and downed a couple of beers with an interesting game of truth of dare to pass the time.

The smell of the beer was starting make Christen’s head spin, and she was starting to realize that being the DD actually sucked. She would catch Tobin’s puppy dog stare every once in awhile, and feel her chest hurt.

“Okay, that’s it!” Ash said excitedly as she crushed the can. The girls all excitedly squealed and they all ran out of the car and onto the empty fields that were a good distance away from the ongoing games. Christen made way to open her front door when she caught the sight of Tobin still sitting in the back seat. She closed her door. Tobin navigated her way into the passenger side of the car.

The two watched as their team kicked around a dozen balls and lined up shots with little Mallory in goal. They were showing her no mercy and the balls were being served at least sixty miles per hour. The pair of girls in the car couldn’t help but laugh. They each cringed when Morgan served a ball that landed right into little Pugh’s stomach. They craned their neck to see that the girl was okay, and deemed the situation under control when she got back up again, and Ashlyn switched spots with her.

“Chris. Will you and I ever work?” Tobin asked quietly. The forward sat back and digested the question. It was a good one.

“I don’t know, Tobs.” She responded quietly.

“Listen, I know that I have been ignoring you, and I really want to apologize for that, CP. I just don’t know what you want from me. But I really like you.” Tobin said quickly.

“Tobs. I like you too.” Christen said softly. Tobin smiled big.

“Good, because I thought I was crazy in thinking that you could ever want to be with me. I mean, I know UNC and Stanford are far away, but you know I...” Tobin trailed off from her sentence when notice Christen slowly sit up from seat. The forward had narrowed her eyes with her mouth wide open and seemed to be 100% focused on something that was not Tobin. The midfielder stopped mid sentence and followed Christen’s gaze. 

Tobin was a little confused because all she saw was a group of parents around what was probably a U10 boys soccer game that had just ended. The midfielder looked back at Christen to make sure she was looking in the right direction. After a couple seconds of scanning the area, Tobin spotted it.

\--

Kelley was hugging her brother, and standing around with her parents and Erin. Tobin’s mouth dropped when noticed that Adam was standing next to Kelley with his arm around her.

“What the fuck?” Tobin whispered. She looked at Christen who just shrugged, but her eyes were still narrowed.The pair of girls observed in silence.

Kelley’s parents were animatedly talking to Adam, and Kelley was busy excitedly chatting with her little brother. It seemed like Erin O’Hara was furiously texting on her phone.

“Why is he..”

“I mean, he is Jerry’s coach...”

Christen’s heart dropped. It felt like it literally had dropped into her stomach and she felt like she was going to throw up. She saw Adam lean down and kiss Kelley on the lips, who seemed to have no intention of pushing him off. A million thoughts raced through Christen Press’ mind, and she was rapidly connecting the dots.

“Chris.” Tobin looked straight at her with scared eyes. The forward knew that they were thinking the same thing.

They both looked back at the family. Dan O’Hara was shaking Adam’s hand, Erin was standing far off in the distance, her sunglasses on and her expression unreadable, and the rest of the family was making their way back to the rows of cars.

“Oh fuck!” Tobin yelled. Christen watched in confusion as the tan midfielder opened her door and sprinted towards Kelley’s family. Press watched with her mouth open when she recognized a dark-haired girl quickly marching towards Kelley. Ali Krieger must have looked drunk out of her mind, and Christen couldn’t hear what was said, but she could see that Ali must have been yelling something at Kelley, who looked absolutely horrified.

Christen turned her head and noticed that all of her teammates were rooted to their spot and staring with their mouth open at the O’Hara family. She noticed that Ashlyn had her head down with her arms wrapped around them in defeat. They all had seen what the pair in the car had seen. The forward observed Tobin grab Ali from behind and pull her back, while Ali continued to shout something at the top of her lungs. Mrs. O’Hara seemed shocked and she quickly pulled Jerry to the car, while Erin clapped in the background.

Christen had to get out of there. She put the car in reverse.

 

\--

Hope closed the door to her truck slowly, and paused in her tracks. Her conversation with Dani had really struck something with her. It was probably one of the most meaningful conversations she had ever had. The keeper knew that she would have to eventually tell Kelley, but she decided to keep this secret to herself for awhile. 

Hope reached for the garage door button to close it, but her attention was pulled away from it when she suddenly heard screeching of tires. Her head shot up as she saw a big brown Explorer peel into her driveway. She didn’t recognize the car and fear shot through her.

“Hope!” She heard Christen Press’ voice shout from the driver’s side. She clutched her chest, relieved that it wasn’t some murderer.

“CP, I swear you scar-” She stopped mid sentence when Christen stumbled out of the car with a devastating expression.

“What is it? Are you okay?” Hope said as she grasped onto her friend’s arm.

“I’m so sorry, Hope. I should have known.” Christen said before she broke down.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> High key, my favorite character is Erin O'Hara. 
> 
> \- Wretched


	10. For My Daughter's Sake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But now, looking down at the same girl who had become a woman, he was unsure of how he was going to help her. This woman had just gotten her heart broken for the first time in her life. This was a much bigger injury than when they were just kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, folks. REMEMBER, this story is rated MATURE. Also, excuse the grammatical mistakes. I kinda rushed the posting.

***Earlier Friday***

“Okay, that’s it!” Ash said excitedly as she crushed the can. The girls all excitedly squealed and they all ran out of the car and onto the empty fields that were a good distance away from the ongoing games.

The blond keeper picked up the bag of hodgepodge soccer balls that she accumulated over time and turned it upside down so that they all came crashing to the ground. The sound of the soccer balls hitting grass rang like sweet sweet music in her ears.

“Let’s play, Mothafuckas!” Klingenberg slurred. She quickly looked around and made sure that the parents in the distance didn’t hear her. She giggled when she realized that none of them heard. The short girl ran up to her ball and tried her hardest to execute a helicopter move. It wasn’t successful. Her sore ass would agree.

“You’re too drunk, Kling!” Morgan yelled and threw her ball at the short girl.

“Hey, send a long ball to me!” Ali said as she jogged a good distance away.

“Long ball?! That’s some elementary shit Kriegs! I’ll rainbow pass it to you like creamy Heath over there!” Pinoe set the ball up in between her legs and tried her hardest to flick it, but somehow she ended up face down on the floor. Ali was doubled over, laughing her ass off.

“Okay, children.” Mallory said with a serious look on her face. “It’s time to take shots on the goal. I’m keeper.” The little girl jumped into goal and the rest of the team looked a little unsure of how to proceed. They didn’t think that she knew what she had just got herself into. Nevertheless, the young one got into a serious athletic position and held up her hands in the ready position.

Ali sent a soft ball in, which Mal quickly picked up and collected. It was Ash’s turn and she served one that was low and in the corner. Easily picked up by Mal.

“BITCHES, I’M DRUNK! I’m not going to feel this. Send me some GOOD ONES!” Mal slurred. The rest of the team mischievously grinned at one another.

Pinoe lined up her shot from the 18 yard line and let one rip, right above Mal’s head. The little girl ducked so fast that her elbows slammed into her knees. She looked up and around her. Mal swore that she could see smoke coming off of the net.

Klingenberg set herself up in the same fashion as Pinoe, and when she let it rip, the ball went into the upper 90 left corner. The young girl had dove high in the air, and narrowly missed the ball, managing to get her fingertips on the ball. But, she heard the ball hit the net before her body crumpled to the ground.

“Alright, This isn’t the World Cup, chill out!” Mal said before dusting off her jeans. 

Morgan grinned as she slowly placed her ball on the 18, all while keeping eye contact with the young Keep. She could see Mal’s eyes narrow and get in an athletic position in the middle of the goal. Now, you have to know, Morgan Brian had a canon of a shot. Everyone in the state knew that. From the 18 yard line, she would never miss. 

But, something about little Mallory Pugh in goal was messing with her mentally. Or maybe it was the alcohol. When Morgan winded up her leg and made contact of the ball, she already knew that it was not going to hit the back of the net. She watched in horror as Mal knelt down over the ball and let out of grunt.

“Mal! You okay?” Ashlyn rushed over to the girl and helped her up. The little girl looked like she was going to throw up.

“I think I’m officially going to retire as keeper.” Mal she managed to croak out. She walked out of the penalty box, holding her stomach with Morgan’s assistance. The older girl, patted her on the back and the two were soon laughing. Well, Mal was internally crying, while Morgan told her to shake it off.

“You just better be thankful that KO and Pressy are not here!” Kling said as she set herself another shot on goal on Ashlyn this time.

“What is CP doing?” Pinoe asked. She craned her neck to look back at Ashlyn’s dad vehicle. The rest of her teammates joined in on observing the duo in the car.

“They’re resolving their looooooove issues.” Kling said in a sing-song voice.

“Fucking lesbians...” Morgan said with a smirk. All of the girls on the field except Mal threw their soccer ball at the midfielder.

“Speaking of lesbos, why isn’t KO here? Or Hope?” Mal innocently asked. Her older teammates laughed and appreciated her remarks, and they all watched as drunk Moe struggled to get up from the lesbian comment assault.

“Hope’s off being an adult, and Kelley-” Ashlyn said, but she was cut off by Ali’s sudden hand on her arm. Ashlyn followed her stare.

“What’s up, Al?” Ashlyn asked. She was confused because it seemed like Ali had just seen BigFoot. The rest of the girls followed her stare.

“There’s Kelley over there..” Ali said quietly.

“Oh yeah, that’s right! She said she was going to her little brother’s game!” Klingenberg said excitedly. “Isn’t that so funny how we ended up running into...” Kling’s voice trailed off. Her face kind of fell when she noticed that none of her teammates were happy. In fact everyone was super intense and looking seriously off in the distance at Kelley. Kling looked at Mal, who just shrugged her shoulders and mouthed an ‘i don’t know’’ to her. Kling was glad that she was not alone.

“Do you see...his arm..” Morgan pointed at the family and looked to the rest of her teammates for confirmation.

“Yeah.” Ashlyn said grimly.

“What the fu-” Pinoe took a sharp breath. The girls stood still as they watched Adam lean down and plant a big kiss on Kelley’s face. He had his hand cupping her face, and Kelley was on her tiptoes, leaning into his body and pulling his face closer. Right in front of her parents. The team took a collective breath and all internally cringed.

“Kell, what the-”

Ashlyn was cut off when Ali had shoved her way past the group and was storming off after the freckled girl after she had slammed the ball she holding into the ground.

“Shit.” Pinoe said. She frustratingly scratched the scalp of her hair and covered her face. 

“Fuck.” Morgan said quietly. She covered her eyes with her hands, but quickly spread her fingers out so she could watch.

Ashlyn just stood there with arms over her head while she looked down at the ground. She didn’t need to see what was going on when she heard her girlfriend’s voice start yelling.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME, O’HARA??” Ali yelled. Morgan let her hands drop from her face and she stared on with her mouth wide open as she saw Kelley stop in her tracks, and Adam turnaround from the spot where he was picking up some cones. The freckled face girl had the widest eyes you had ever seen. Her sister on the other hand had a big smile on her face.

“YOU’RE SERIOUSLY GONNA PLAY HOPE LIKE THAT?? HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING AROUND LIKE A SLUT BEHIND HER BACK??” Ali continued. Kelley’s mom looked shocked beyond belief and she covered Jerry’s ears. She couldn’t believe that sweet Ali Krieger was yelling up a storm at a family event. The oldest O’Hara was just yelling “Amen!” in the background. Ali continued to march forward and close the distance between her and the O’Haras.

“Excuse me, Alexandra. Are you drunk?” Dan O’Hara said. His jaw was clenched and his nostrils flared and he fanned his nose, signaling that he could smell whatever drink was on her breath.

“No Daniel. I am not. I’M JUST CALLING OUT THE LYING PIECE OF SHIT OF A DAUGHTER OF YOURS!” Ali slurred. She only faintly registered the approaching footsteps behind her and felt a strong pair of hands wrap around her.

“Hey!” Mr. O’Hara was red in the face and he was about to lunge forward.

“Dan!” Karen yelled. The older man turned around and he slowly exited the fields, silently expecting his middle child to follow him.

“I’M NEVER GOING TO FUCKING FORGIVE YOU! HOPE HAS TREATED YOU LIKE A FUCKING PRINCESS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GO AND DO?? YOU GO AND FUCK SOME BASIC TOOL! FUCK YOU O’HARA. I FUCKING HOPE SHE DUMPS YOUR ASS!” Ali continued to shout out some not so nice words as the pair of strong arms carried her away.

“SHE FUCKING LOVED YOU! YOU TRIFLIN’ HOE, YOU FUCKING DESERVE HIM!” Ali yelled. She looked up and saw Kelley’s big sister nodding her head and clapping her hands. The defender registered the brown hair of the girl that was pulling her and let Tobin drag her away, but not before she saw Kelley break down into tears.

Ali was panting heavily and she was absolutely fuming when her teammates gathered around her. Ashlyn was surprised that she had stopped yelling because she could see her girlfriend’s balled up fists. They all heard the roar of an engine in the distance and Kling whipped her head around, just in time to see Christen peel out of her parking spot and jet onto the main road.

“FUCK! How are we supposed to get home??” Kling said as she threw her arm up in defeat.

“Calm down. Just stay right here.” Tobin said quietly as she cupped Ali’s face and stared straight into her eyes. The defender nodded and Tobin looked at Ashlyn to keep her there. The team watched as Tobin made her way back the crime scene. 

At this point, It seemed that Dan and Karen had retreated back into the car and Erin was hanging back with a smirk on her face. Kelley had her hands on her mouth and tears were falling, and Adam had not moved a muscle. At this point, many of the straggling families that had witnessed Ali’s outburst had tactfully shuffled away and retreated into their cars.

“Please don’t-”

“Save it, Kelley.” Tobin softly said. She couldn’t even look at her teammate. Tobin’s shoulder slumped and she shook her head in disappointment as she heard Kelley let out a sob, but she continued to approach her destination. Kelley O’Hara was definitely not her favorite person right now, but if there was one person she hated even more in this moment, it was the boy she was approaching now.

Adam had his eyes wide in fear and he watched as Tobin approached him.

“Tobs, I-”

Tobin spat straight into his bruised face.

“Don’t ever speak to me again.” Tobin said with a growl as she wiped her mouth. When she continued to talk, she cursed herself when her voice started to crack. “You may be good with the O’Hara’s but you’re dead to me, Wright. I’m through with the both of you!” She pointed to him and Kelley as she forcefully yelled. She turned to walk away as he wiped the spit on his face in defeat. When she retreated back to camp, she couldn’t help but feel the effects of deep betrayal from the both of them.

“Tobin Heath for President!” Tobin heard a voice cheer in the background. She didn’t turn around but she could have sworn that it came from Kelley’s older sister.

 

\--

 

Tobin and her teammates dragged their feet up the road, the bag of balls over Tobin’s shoulder. She took the bag from Ashlyn’s arm when the girl had stopped in her tracks, too sad and defeated to go on, at least that’s what the midfielder thought.

“I’ll take it, Ash.” Tobin said quietly. The team morale was down for sure, but they had to make the long trek back to Ashlyn’s house somehow.

“Okay, can someone explain to me what just happened? And where Christen went?” Mal said timidly. She looked around at everyone’s somber expression.

“Ah, Fuck!” Pinoe said and she stopped in her tracks. “Guys, she’s probably going to tell HS! Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!”

“Well, yeah.” Ali said. “Duh. We would all be doing that if we had a fucking car..”

“No. You guys. Hope isn’t going to take this well!” Pinoe said with a panic. She pulled out her phone and dialed a call.

“Voicemail.. Hope! Call me when you get this. Please!” Pinoe yelled into the phone.

“Dude. CP has probably gotten to her already. It’s a lost cause...” Tobin said lazily. The team walked in silence for another good half a mile.

“So, Tobs. How do you know Adam?” Mal asked. Her curiosity was getting the better of her. Mal had never had alcohol before, so the alcohol from the four beers she had consumed all night was still going strong. Not to mention, THE definition of a soap opera had just unfolded in front of her, real time, and in real life. She did not care how uncomfortable it made her teammates.

Tobin sighed. She felt disgusted that she was once associated with this guy. When Ashlyn noticed that Tobin was not going to answer, the keeper offered up her knowledge, instead.

“Well, before Tobs came to the right side of the sexuality spectrum..” That earned a few good laughs from everyone. “She used to date that Adam kid. I don’t know, it was like middle school, right Tobs?” Tobin just nodded in response.

“Anyways, they were like a serious little couple. Dated for like three years or something right up until freshman year. And then, when Tobin had come back from the U17 national camp, she had found herself a little girlfriend.” Ashlyn teased the midfielder.

“And then she had to break up with Adam, but they stayed pretty good friends after that. I mean you guys still hang out sometime right?” She directed at Tobin.

“Yeah....we still talked. I guess we still hung out. But obviously not as much as when we were younger. We met through the club, and I was even the one who told him to start getting into coaching, because it was something that we both wanted to do. I just never had time since the national camps. I mean, the dude was actually a good guy. And for a while we were best friends even after I broke up with him.” Tobin shook her head in frustration as she spoke. “I knew that Kelley talked to him more than me since the breakup, but I didn’t know...” Tobin trailed off. She didn’t want to think about the truth.

“None of us did.” Ali said strongly.

 

\--

 

“Well, well, well. Look at this ragged bunch!” Marcus yelled out of his passenger side window. He laughed when all of the girl simultaneously turned their heads in fear to look at the strange older man calling out to them.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Marcus asked with a chuckle.

“Trying to get some exercise, Marcus.” Ashlyn said with a smirk. She let out a breath of relief when she recognized that it was Hope’s older brother.

“Well, Ash. Where you guys headed?”

“My house. Oh you know, probably a good seven miles out.”

“Well, shit. Hop in. I know that my car won’t be able to fit all of you all so you guys gotta squeeze.” He waved the girls over who all seemed to hesitate. But the thought of walking the rest of the way was enough to convince them to get in a car with Hope’s older brother that they barely knew, except Ashlyn. Tobin sat in the front seat and the rest of the girls piled on to each other’s laps in order to fit everyone in.

Marcus drove off when Ash had told him to just drop them off at her house. It wasn’t until he was a mile in when he noticed that all of the girls were dead silent.

“So...what’s going on?” He said hesitantly. He had seen most of these girls from when he was a kid and used to watch Hope’s games (a long time ago) and even from the most recent high school games, so he knew that they were a loud bunch. This was not like them.

“Nothing.” They all said simultaneously.

“Okay.....” he said with a laugh.

“I swear, you all look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He just chuckled. _Girls are weird._

“Hey, Marcus...right?” Tobin asked.

“Yes ma'am.” He said as he tipped an imaginary hat on his head.

“Have you seen Hope within the last hour?” She asked timidly. She could feel the tension from the back seat grow and how still everyone’s body seemed to be.

“Nah. I’m just coming back from work, so I haven’t seen her all day.” He shook his head. “Why?”

“Well...um..” Tobin nervously scratched the back of her neck. “Something kinda happened..” She looked to the rest of her teammates for reassurance that she was doing the right thing. They all looked as unsure as her.

“What happened?” Marcus asked with concern.

“Well..” Ali said, a little hesitant on how to proceed, but really uncomfortable with the silence that had ensued after his question.

“Marcus, how much do you know about Hope and...Kelley?” Ashlyn asked curiously.

“Too much.” Marcus shook his head. Then he added quietly so that only Tobin heard him say, “That girl still owes me headphones.”

“Well, do you know that they are a.....” Tobin wasn’t sure if she was about to out one of her best friends to a family member. She looked to her teammates for help. But there was no need.

“A couple?” Marcus asked. He smiled at the tan girl to give her some reassurance. “Yep. I lived with those two for months. I knew they were a couple before they knew.” He chuckled.

“Well...something happened with them.” Ashlyn said cautiously. 

“There’s this kid named Adam who-” Tobin was cut off.

“Adam who? Adam Wright?” Marcus asked as he slammed on his brakes. All of the girls slid in their seats and Tobin had to put her arms out to stop her chest from being thrown into the dashboard. All of the girls tried their hardest to recover from the bodies slamming hard into each other, but Marcus pressed the issue like nothing happened.

“Is it that skinny dude with the earring on his left ear?” Marcus asked Tobin.

“Yeah. You know him?” Tobin asked, a little surprised.

“Yeah, I know him.” Marcus said as he continued driving. “He hangs out with a lot of the high school kids who work with me at the store. What happened with him?”

“Well, Kelley has been.....cheating on Hope with... him.” Tobin said sadly.

Marcus Solo stomped on his brakes again.

“Fuck!”

“Dude!”

“I think I have a concussion!”

“I’m sorry ladies!” Marcus said as he hastily drove on.

“What do you mean?” He asked with panic.

Ali jumped in the conversation. “We just saw her sucking face with the little asshole.” The alcohol may have been out of her system, but her anger wasn’t.

“Wait, so you actually saw them together? This isn’t like a rumor you heard or whatever?” He looked around at all of the girls and they all somberly shook their heads. 

“We saw it with our own eyes.” Ali said darkly.

Marcus Solo drove on in silence with his jaw clenched and his hands gripping the steering wheel hard enough that his hands were white.

 

\--

 

Ashlyn and the girls were more than a little confused to see that Ash’s dad’s SUV was parked in the driveway.

Shortly thereafter, they saw Christen Press sitting down with her head in between her knees. She only looked up when she heard the crunch of gravel beneath a set of approaching tires.

“I’m so sorry, guys! I wasn’t even thinking when I left!” Christen was starting to cry when Morgan approached her first and held her tightly.

“Don’t worry about it Pressy.” Ali said soothingly.

“It was good exercise.” Tobin said. They all laughed.

When the laughter died down, Kling broke the silence. “Did you see Hope?”

Christen just nodded in response.

“How did she take it?” Pinoe cautiously asked. They all kind of looked each other, unsure of how their teammate was holding up. Christen tried to find the best way to describe it, and she took her time and wiped all of the tears on her face.

“She’s destroyed.” She said quietly. They all gathered around her and huddled close.

“It’s honestly the worst thing I have ever seen. I didn’t think it was possible to see Hope so vulnerable.” Christen added. She was looking off into the distance, mesmerized by the string of events within the past few hours.

“When I told her what I had just seen, she just-. I don’t know how to explain it. I have never seen Hope’s face _crumple_ before. But she didn’t cry, it was weird. She let herself feel it for a second, but then the next second she was politely asking me to leave.”

“Should we go see her?” Morgan asked.

“No. Guys, no. Trust me, I would be there for her if she wanted me to be, but I think she just needs space. She’s all in her head right now.” Christen warned.

 

\--

 

Marcus sped his way home and quickly shut off his car in their driveway. He registered that Hope’s truck was still there, so he tore through the house, searching for his younger sister. He couldn’t find her in any of the rooms, the kitchen, and he even checked the woodshop. He scratched his head, wondering if his sister may have gone somewhere on foot. 

When they were younger and their dad still alive, Hope would sometimes run away whenever their parents would get into their nightly shouting matches. Marcus remembered it all so vividly. He usually resorted to putting on a big pair of headphones are play his stereo loudly when the festivities began, but one time when he was sixteen, his parents came banging on his door and it took him fifteen seconds to realize that they were yelling about his sister this time. 

She had gone missing. They stayed up all night and searched the streets with flashlights. Marcus remembered looking underneath his fifth car when he got an idea. He recalled hearing his little sister talk about how she would run away with one of her best friends if mommy had ever left daddy.

“Mom! Call Kelley’s mom!” He shouted. When his mom had gotten off the phone, his parents were instantly relieved and thankful that their son had saved them hours of searching for Hope. Young Marcus was just impressed that his little sister had managed to get that far. When they found little Hope, she was talking to Kelley on their front porch, and Hope had managed to scratch up her neck enough that there was blood. It was a habit of hers whenever she was sad or frustrated. By the time the Solo’s had gotten there, Mrs. O’Hara had been putting some antibiotic on it.

Present day Marcus grabbed his car keys and opened the house door to the garage to go looking for her in his car. Needless to say, he was surprised to know that he didn’t need to take another step to find her.

The older Solo didn’t think he had a heart, but this was the first time in a long time that he felt like crying. 

He saw his little sister with her legs sprawled out in front of her. Her upper body was leaning in slightly and the hair from her ponytail cascaded around her face, which was hidden from his point of view. He could see that their dad’s gloves were tossed in front of her. He slowly closed the door behind him and let his feet drag on the floor so that his presence wouldn’t startle the girl. She didn’t move a muscle until he was standing right in front of her. She looked up at him slowly, and Marcus’ whole chest wracked with pain. He definitely had a heart. And Hope had just broken it.

He looked down at his little sister and saw an image of a six-year-old Hope Solo who had came crying to him because she had fell and scraped her knee when he had thrown it too up high for her to reach. Back when they were younger, he was always the one in charge of putting the bandages on little Hopey, and making sure that no one harmed his little sister on the first day of school. It was a job that he was proud of growing up as a kid.

But now, looking down at the same girl who had become a woman, he was unsure of how he was going to help her. This woman had just gotten her heart broken for the first time in her life. This was a much bigger injury than when they were just kids.

“Are you okay, Hopester?” He asked softly. He knew it was a stupid question. But instead of just letting him know how stupid it was, the girl’s face just contorted in pain and the tears started to stream down. She covered her eyes to unsuccessfully hide the shame of showing any kind of weakness. And that was when Marcus say Hope’s bloody knuckles.

“Fuck.” He let out a whimper, as he looked around at the walls to see if he could spot any bloody marks. He closed his eyes, trying his best to stop his own tears when he saw a pair of bloody fist marks on the concrete wall right next to the speed bag that they use to train on as kids. 

Marcus slowly knelt down, unsure of what to do, but knowing that he needed to help her somehow. Hope’s body was starting to heave and the only noises she made was when the sobs escaped from her mouth as she gasped from air. Her hands were wiping at her face, rubbing the pain away from her chest, and she desperately tried to scratch away the sudden irritation and itchiness creeping up her neck. She managed to break the skin.

“Hey don’t claw yourself to death. Just ball your fists up and tell yourself what dad would always tell you.” Marcus said in a quick voice. He observed her as she slowly removed her hands from her neck and balled her tear stained fists.

“You can’t let it get you like that. You can’t lose your cool. You can’t let it get to you like that. You can’t lose your cool.” Marcus slowly repeated Jerry Solo’s mantra. 

Hope’s fists were still balled up, but her body had stopped heaving at this point, and now it was just the silent tears. After repeating it a few times, Hope’s breathing had leveled out.

“Is there anything broken?” He asked with a panic and he grabbed her hands gingerly. She just shrugged her shoulders in response. Marcus got up and quickly grabbed the first aid kit that they kept in the living room and he was by her side again in seconds. His hands shook as he sterilized them.

“This is going to hurt.” He gently warned. She just nodded her head to confirm that she understood.

He grabbed the bottle of cleansing alcohol, poured some on a sterilized cloth and started to dab her knuckles and fingers cleaned. Hope let out a whimper and shook her legs as she felt it singe and sting her cut open skin. He tried to make it as painless as possible, but there was so much blood that had gushed onto her hands. He wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there with her freshly wounded hands.

When he had sterilized it properly, he gingerly put some antibiotic and applied pressure on spots in her hand to see if she grimaced in pain. He was relieved that she didn’t seem to be affected by it and then he moved on to inspecting her knuckles. All seemed good and he let out a breath of relief as he finished bandaging her first hand up. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Marcus asked softly as he finished her second hand. Hope just looked at him, defeated.

“She cheated on me.” She said with a truly broken expression.

 

\--

 

Marcus threw his phone on the nightstand and collapsed onto his bed. The older Solo brother was truly exhausted. _Too many emotions in one day. I don’t know how girls do it._ He didn’t even consider changing out of his day clothes, which had smudges of Hope’s blood on them, because he was so tired. He had almost found sleep when the sound of his phone obnoxiously vibration had awoken him. He groaned as he rolled around in his bed, but his body instantly perked up when he saw Cindy’s name light up the screen.

This woman had done wonders for him in the short amount of time she had been in his life. She didn’t even interrupt him once when he recalled giving Hope’s teammates a ride, and the scene at his house when he had found his little sister. Cindy had praised him for soothing his little sister, and she even talked about how glad she was that her daughter would have a man who was so loving and protective in her life. He puffed his chest out at that statement. When they were about to say their ‘good night’s’ he heard a violent pounding on the front door. 

Marcus instantly got up, told Cindy that he would call her back, and he slowly got out of his room. The knocking was so loud and he ran to the door so that his little sister would notbe woken up.

“Hope, I- Oh.” 

“You must have a death wish for you to be knocking on my door at this time of night.” Marcus growled.

“Dude, I just came to apo-”

“I know what you just fucking came here for Wright.” Marcus shoved him with both of his hands. Hard. Adam had stumbled back so far that by the time his ass hit the concrete, half of his body was on the porch, and half was already on the driveway. Solo had charged up on him and closed the distance in a second.

“Hey! Listen, I just want to talk to your sister!” Adam scrambled up and tried to back away from the older boy, but even his soccer speed couldn’t match Marcus’ charge. He tried his hardest to wriggle out of Solo's headlock, but it was to no avail as Marcus dragged him further down the driveway and slammed his body into the Camry.

When Solo had landed two punches into Adam’s gut, he felt guilty for two seconds, knowing that he had at least eighty pounds on the kid, but then he thought of Hope’s bloody hands.

“Dude. I’m sorry.” Adam managed to croak out.

Marcus turned the kid so that his face was pressed onto the hood of the car and his hands behind his back.

“Watch it Wright. You come near my sister, or this house again, I’m going to smash your fucking skull in and make a new dent on O’Hara’s brand new car just like I did with your face on that truck over there, weeks ago!” Marcus yelled it into the kid’s ear and he pointed at Hope’s truck.

“YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?” He yelled again.

“Yeah man!” Adam struggled to respond.

Marcus considered letting the kid again, but he thought of Hope’s scratched up neck. Solo quickly let go of his hold on Adam’s hands and swiftly threw a right hook into the kid’s nose. Before the kid crumpled to the ground, he knew that he had broken that nose for the second time. He then grabbed the boys ear and ripped his earring off of it.

“And I fucking swear, Wright...You run your mouth again like you did the first time about my sister, it’s a fucking body bag. I have no problem telling your buddies that it was a chick who kicked your ass.”

He panted and stood in the driveway and watched as the younger boy defeatedly walked across the street, and into his house.

Marcus looked down at his hands for ten seconds. Then a tear escaped his eyes as he realized that he had found himself in a similar situation that his sister was in earlier tonight. He broke down at the realization that he had just beaten up a boy that was four years younger than him. In this moment, Marcus was utterly ashamed of himself. That kid had no chance, and Marcus taken his anger out on him, unable to control himself. He did the opposite of what he urged Hope to do and what their father always told them to do. _You can’t let it get you like that. You can’t lose your cool._

He wiped the tears from his eyes and thought of what Cindy’s face would look like if she had just witnessed what had happened. He thought of how her daughter would have felt. Hell, he even thought of how his mom would react.

But when he turned around to walk back in the house, he didn’t have to imagine what the expression on their faces would have looked like if they had just seen him. He saw it on his little sister’s face as she stood on the porch.

 

\--

 

“Is that why you gave me the car?!?” Hope yelled as her brother quickly approached her. “So that you could get rid of the evidence of an assault on a minor?!?”

Marcus hung his head at the confirmation of how long Hope had been standing there. _Long enough._

“I thought you gave it to me as a gift! We were just starting to get closer and I thought you thought I was ready to have it!” Hope cried.

Marcus closed the distance between him and his little sister and wrapped her up in a hug. But she wasn’t having any of it. She pushed him off.

“Fuck you, Marcus. I can’t fucking believe you!”

“Hope. It’s not like that. Okay! I was going to give you the truck before it happened, you can ask mom-”  
“Why didn’t you tell me that you had done this to him?” Hope sniffled.

“Because I..” He paused. He hesitated.

“WHAT MARC, WHAT??” Hope pushed. At this point, both Solo children had tear-stricken faces, throbbing throats from all of the yelling and crying, and heavy hearts from all of the devastation.

“BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU KNOWING THAT STUPID FUCKING BOYS WERE GOSSIPING ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!! OKAY??” Marcus growled. He took a step back and a heavy breath when he saw Hope’s confusion.

“I work with some of the high school football guys I use to play with and Adam likes to hang out with them at the store. I usually don’t mind, but he would always talk about this chick. Saying all sorts of messed up shit like what he’d like to do to her and what not.. ” The older boy seemed a little uncomfortable but his anger was still present, “and, then weeks into talking to the kid, I figure out that he’s talking about you! And I flip my shit. So he stops coming by. And I’m cool with that.

“Then, some of the football guys weeks ago are telling me about how he’s moved onto some new chick. I asked them and they said it was some soccer player with freckles. And, at this point, I’m fucking livid because I know for a fact that you and Kelley were already together. And I lost it, Hope. I thought the kid was just spreading rumors because he wasn’t able to get with you.”

Hope started walking back to the house.

“Hope! I’m on your side! I’m sorry!” Marcus pleaded for her forgiveness and jogged up to his sister, managing to catch her before she got to the door. Through their porch light, he was able to see her saddened and defeated face. She grabbed both of his hands and looked at the bruises already forming.

“You gonna be okay?” She asked quietly. He nodded.

“Thanks for everything, by the way.” Hope looked him straight in the eye. “But I can’t have you arrested. I’ve watched dad leave in handcuffs so many times when we were little. I want more for you. Okay?” She said tenderly.

Marcus Solo looked up and away as his chin quivered. He just nodded without looking at her before she walked back in the house.

 

\--

 

Saturday 3:15 pm.

That’s what the clock blinked back at Hope when she woke up. She dragged herself out of bed and looked out the window. No sign of her mom’s car. She collapsed back into bed, thankful that it was Saturday.

 

4:23 pm

“Hope, I gotta go to work. You good? Do you want Cindy to come by?” Marcus quietly asked.

“I’m okay, Marc. I’m just gonna watch Netflix or something.” Hope said in a monotone voice as she flipped through the channels on her bedroom TV.

“Okay, well..I’m going to leave like now. So have your phone on you. I expect you to answer if I call. Okay?” He asked sternly. She nodded as she looked around for her phone. By the time her brother had left, Hope had migrated to the downstairs, still in search of it. The keeper noticed that as she walked that her joints were aching, and her muscles sore. 

When she decided to go check her truck, the initial contact with the sunlight blinded her eyes. It’s harsh rays were not successfully blocked by her hand. _I guess that’s what happens when your body doesn’t get sun until halfway through the day._ She heaved her body into the truck and searched every corner for the phone. 

When she had managed to pull it out of the driver seat’s cushions, her face, and her heart fell when she saw the many missed notifications on her phone:

Erin O’HURRA  
New Text Message (4) 

PINOT NOIR  
New Voicemail & Missed Call (2)

Tobito  
New Text Message (7) 

Kriegs  
New Text Message (15) 

CP  
Missed Call (3) 

Ash  
New Text Message (5) 

K  
New Text Message (17) 

K  
New Voicemail & Missed Call (22)

Moe  
New Text Message

Before the keeper could let herself feel any emotion, she walked straight through the house, and into her workshop. 

__Instead of a birdhouse, Hope had been working on a DIY table. She had gotten pretty far along with it. All that was left was sanding down the edges, and possibly staining the structure. Because of the limited time with her girlfriend... well ex now.. And her tendency to put off her calculus homework, Hope was proud to know that she was almost finished with her biggest project to date. Just looking at it now, she was starting to feel some comfort. She put her phone down, and got to work._ _

__It was a weird hobby of hers for sure. She had picked it up as soon as her father had passed, and it was one of the only activities that seemed to calm her down, along with soccer. She needed this hobby desperately right now. A couple of hours had passed by, and she had managed to sand and paint. There was sawdust everywhere, and the paint had probably gotten her high from her lack of face guard, but the sweat on her brow and the drying stain on the table brought her happiness._ _

__She put her beautiful table on display right on top of her work table, and she admired it for a few seconds. She then grabbed the fifty or so other birdhouses that she had completed and put them around her masterpiece table. In all of this sadness, it was definitely a satisfying sight to see her perfectly build structures and creations all in place._ _

__Hope calmly put her phone on the table and then looked through her drawers for a hammer. When she had found the biggest one, she smiled, and then gave it a twirl before she rammed it into the nearest bird house. It exploded and pieces came flying with the one hit. She laughed at how powerful her strike was, so she aimed for another bird house and did it again. And again. And again._ _

___BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!_ _ _

__She was a crazy woman. Her hammer swung up, swung down, wood went flying everywhere, and with every passing second, the homeless bird population was going up. She started to get into a rhythm with her hammer._ _

___Fuck BAM! everything BAM! Fuck BAM! my BAM! life BAM! Fuck BAM! The BAM! World BAM!_ _ _

__After all of the birdhouses were demolished, Hope looked down at the table and the phone with it. She thought of all of the missed calls and notifications._ _

__It was enough for her to send the head of the hammer into the phone screen. She let out more than enough blows to the wretched device. But she didn’t stop there. After it had been obliterated enough that could see the wiring, hope proceeded to destroy her beloved table. She hammered in and created enough dents in it that it eventually caved in and split into two._ _

__She took a deep breath and looked at all of the sawdust swirling in the air and inhaled the smell of the wood._ _

__It only took five seconds of silence before she broke down crying on the floor._ _

__

__\--_ _

__

__Monday 8:43 am_ _

__

__“What do you mean, you lost it??” Judy Solo said as she was about to head out of the house for work._ _

__“I can’t find it mom. I’ve been looking this whole weekend.” Hope said in a monotone voice._ _

__“Fine, if you can’t find your phone by the end of the day, I’ll get a cheap one. Now go to school, you’re going to be late!” Judy yelled before she closed the door._ _

__As soon as the engine to her mom’s minivan started, hope Solo turned on the TV and planted herself on the couch. School was no priority._ _

__

__Wednesday_ _

__CP: Who is this? [12:23pm]  
Random number: Hope [12:24pm]_ _

__CP: Can I see you? [12:24pm]_ _

__Hope: Sure [12:32pm]_ _

__CP: Can I bring people? [12:32pm]_ _

__Hope: Just not her [12:34pm]_ _

__

__Christen, Ashlyn, Tobin, and Ali all sat on Hope’s couch, while the brunette keeper sat in front of the TV, while some cartoon played in the background._ _

__“Your mom know that you haven’t been going to school?” Christen asked._ _

__“Nope.”_ _

__“Have you talked to her?” Ashlyn asked._ _

__“Nope.”_ _

__“Has she tried to talk to you?” Ali asked._ _

__“I don’t know. I have a new phone so...”_ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?” Tobin asked._ _

__“Nope.”_ _

__“Is there...anything you want to know, Hope?” Ali asked, hesitatingly._ _

__Hope paused._ _

__“Not yet.” All four of her friends nodded._ _

__“Is there anything you want us to do?” Christen asked, quietly._ _

__Hope paused again. This time, for a long time._ _

__“Just be here. With me.” The brunette keeper said before she wiped away a silent tear._ _

__

__\--_ _

__Friday 2:23 am_ _

__

__Kelley O’Hara was starting to think that she may be addicted to coffee. This was probably her fifteenth cup this week. She took a sip out of her travel mug, cursed herself for letting it spill on the leather, and then she placed it back in the holder before she sat still on her watch._ _

__Ever since last saturday, Kelley had spent most of her days when she was not at school or practice, parked in her car in front of the Solo residence, hoping to find some window of opportunity when she would see Hope. _Her Hope._ She got into the habit of bringing her caffeine with her when she couldn’t keep awake._ _

__Every single time she had parked her car, it seemed as if the house was empty. No Marcus, No Hope, No Judy. Not even any of their cars! She even tried knocking, but no answer. Kelley couldn’t even find her spare set of keys that she once had to the house. The forward desperately looked for her girlfriend at school, hung out in their usual spots at school, and had even drove up and down Hope’s usual walking path. No sign of her._ _

__As she sat in her current stake out, Kelley looked down and tried Hope’s cell one more time. No success. She looked at her call log and she sighed at the realization that she has racked up 127 calls to Hope Solo within the past week._ _

Kelley laid her head back and let out a little sob. _I’m fucking losing her._ The forward wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She was getting used to cries like these, she has had so much practice since last friday. She was in the middle of her daily pity party, when a pair of bright lights came out behind her, blinding her for a second, and then turned into the Solo’s driveway. 

__She quickly wiped her eyes and then sat up in her seat. Kelley was disappointed to see that it was only Judy._ _

__The disappointment only lasted for a second, because Kelley also found herself happy that she was able to see a part of Hope in the flesh. The blood coursing through this woman’s veins, were running through Hope’s. That gave her some comfort. She watched as Judly slowly climbed out of her van, exhausted from a long shift. Kelley smiled as she thought of all of her amazing interactions with the woman._ _

__For a moment, Kelley felt at ease when she saw that the woman was walking in the opposite direction of her house. But then, after realizing that the older woman was walking over to her, she started to panic. She absolutely froze when Judy Solo asked her to roll down her window._ _

__“Hiya, Judy.” Kelley said with a nervous chuckle._ _

__“Kell-bell. This is the fourth time I have seen your beautiful car out her at this time of night. Care to explain?” Judy asked with a sad smile. And with that smile, Kelley knew that she knew. And Kelley felt like shit all over again._ _

__“Judy. I-. I. I..don’t know.” Kelley hung her head in defeat._ _

__“Well, listen, it’s late out. And I’m sure your parents are worried sick.” Judy said sadly._ _

__“They’re not. I just want to talk to Hope.” Kelley softly pleaded._ _

__Judy sighed._ _

__“I’m afraid I can’t let you. And you know why, kid.” She gave her that sad smile again._ _

__“Did Hope tell you what happened? Because I can explain!” Kelley asked through tears._ _

__“No, hun. Marcus told me.”_ _

__Kelley broke down even further._ _

__“I love your daughter, Mrs. Solo. I really do.” Kelley desperately pleaded._ _

__“Kell. I don’t know all of the details of what happened. I really don’t. All I know, was that for the longest time, you were the best thing for my daughter..” Judy said tenderly.__

“But now...I’m sorry kid. I don’t want to see your car parked here again. You're not allowed around here anymore. For my daughter’s sake.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck.
> 
>  
> 
> -Wretched


	11. Braced Herself for the Bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was surprised at how savagely gratifying it was to see the fear in Kelley’s eyes.

\--

Hope swayed in her spot as she watched the coffee drip into the pot with glazed eyes. She really didn’t know what day it was, but she did know that she had just woken up, and the desire for caffeine was stronger than the dreary chemicals in her brain trying to pull her back into the comfort of her bed.

When the coffee maker hissed, signaling that it was ready for her, she opened the cupboard and looked at her options. Her travel mug or Kelley’s favorite mug with the Stanford tree logo on it. She heaved a heavy sigh. _Decisions, decisions._ She grabbed the mug, and inspected it with her taped up hands. She let herself smile at how much Kelley really treasured this mug since Marcus had introduced them to coffee. Hope had found this on Amazon and instantly charged her mom’s credit card, wanting to make Kelley smile.

In one swift movement, she smashed it against the counter. Hope did not flinch as the mug shattered into a tiny thousand pieces.She calmly picked up her travel mug, poured some coffee in it, and drank it black. Like her soul. She took one look at the broken remains of one of Kelley’s prized possessions and then walked out of the kitchen, simply not caring that someone else was going to have to clean it up.

The keeper sipped her coffee as she nestled on the living room couch and turned on the TV. Today, it was trashy reality tv shows on the E! Network. Whether it was the mind numbing content on the television, or the black clouds in her mind, Hope started to get sleepy. As soon as the last drop of coffee was consumed, she was out like a light. 

Marcus walked into the living room and sighed when he saw his little sister passed out on the couch with her mouth wide open and her mug skillfully still standing upright in her hand in her lap. _This is getting out of hand._ For the past week, he had seen her still in her sleep clothes, passed out on the couch or in her room, when she should have been at school. He looked at his phone, noted that it was a wednesday, and that his sister had effectively skipped seven days, today being the eighth. He had thought that he would give her a break. But now, he starting to feel guilty for enabling.

He looked down at the text his mom sent him and then retreated back into the kitchen, bracing for the explosion that was going to happen in about five minutes. He tried to make his movements as quietly as possible as he made his breakfast. He was in the middle of buttering his toast when he heard the turn of a lock. He instantly cringed and grimaced, preparing himself for what was about to unfold.

“HOPE AMELIA SOLO!” He heard Judy Solo’s voice ring throughout the house.

“GET YOUR BUTT IN THE SHOWER AND BE READY TO GO IN 10 MINUTES!”

“Mom, what are you doing here?!” He heard Hope’s panicked voice.

“I got an interesting phone call from the truancy officer from your school. You know anything about that? You know what, don’t answer that.” Judy put up her hands. “I don’t have time for your answers. Get up!”

At this point, Marcus pushed on the swinging door that separated the kitchen and the room that the women in his family were in. He stood in the doorway as he watched Judy tower over the girl.

“Where are we going?” Hope asked, defeated.

“The principal's office. We have a meeting in 30 minutes. SO GET OFF YOUR ASS!” Judy yelled. Hope’s shoulders dropped, she looked at her brother for some support, and then slumped up the stairs when she didn’t find it. The older brother observed his mother shake her head and wipe her eyes. Then she turned on him.

“Did you know that she was playing hooky?” 

There was no point in lying. He wasn’t the teenager anymore. He just nodded his head. He thought that it was just going to be for a day or two, but he didn’t anticipate her missing THAT much school.

Judy Solo clenched her jaw and walked back out of the house, fed up with BOTH of her children. 

“Make sure she is down here in 10 minutes, Marc!” She yelled back into the house.

 

\--

 

Hope fidgeted with the straps on her backpack that was smashed between her slouching back and the really uncomfortable chair in the principal’s office. She was trying her absolute hardest to not pay attention as the woman talked to her mother about the consequences of her daughter missing that much school.Hope rolled her eyes when the principal, whom she had seen a total of five times this whole school year, then divulged on how many calculus classes she had missed, in addition to the whole week and half the keeper had skipped. Judy shot a glare in Hope’s direction in response to the eye roll. Hope internally cowered.

The girl was trying her best to show that she didn’t care about the conversation that was taking place in front of her. She hoped that her slouch, her face, and her attitude would do the job. But inside, it was a totally different story.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw how devastated and disappointed her mom was. It was bad that she barely got see her mom, and now that she was getting some facetime with her, Hope kind of felt like a failure that she was making her mom have to come to the school to find out exactly how much school she had missed. She didn’t think that she could handle the shame of her mom’s disappointment on top of the sadness and anger that boiled in her blood every hour of the day when she thought of the sham of a ‘relationship’ she once had with _that one girl_. 

“Along with all of that, her coach, Jill, is going to suspend your daughter for at least three games.”

Hope sat straight up in her seat.

“What the hell?!” She yelled.

“Hope!” Judy glared at her daughter once again.

“Mom! That’s bullshit! I missed a week and a half. I know kids who have missed more than that!” Hope said. She couldn’t believe the injustice.

Her mother just held her own face in her hands, absolutely DONE with her daughter.

“Language. Yes, Ms. Solo, but those kids either had a medical leave, or they ended up at Alternative. And this is a direct response not only to the week and half you have missed, but also the..” The principal looked down at her file, “20 absences you have managed to rack on your calculus class.”

Hope clenched her jaw while the principal continued talking to her mom about what the girl needed to do in order to be in good standing with the school and her course work. That was when Hope successfully tuned out their voices.

She thought of the three game suspension. _It’s fucking bullshit._ In her mind, she was stomping on her coach, her calculus teacher, and on _that one girl’s_ faces. All at once. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. All of them. So I’ve missed a couple of classes. I’m still not failing calculus and other than that I have what.. Eight absences in my other classes. Fuck all of this._ Hope looked down at her taped hands and groaned as she caught them scratching at her neck. _God, I’m pathetic._ She continued to scratch it.

She was so thankful when she saw her mom get up to leave and shake the principal’s hand. She followed suit, avoided the stare and tentative handshake from her principal, and followed her mom out. When the mother and daughter had reached an empty hallway, Judy slowed her steps.

“Hope? Why are you doing this kid?” She asked, quietly and sadly.

Hope looked down at her feet. Mrs. Solo waited in silence for a response.

“I don’t know.” Hope managed to respond after ten seconds of silence. 

“Is this because of Kelley?” the mother asked. Hope scoffed. But the muscles along her jawline clenched easily gave her away. Mother always knows.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?” Judy asked a little more firmly.

“Tell you what, mom?”

“What was going on between you and Kelley.” She said simply. The two looked around at the students that were starting to get out of their classes. Hope laughed with condescension.

“How can I talk to you, WHEN YOU ARE NEVER HOME???” The tone of the conversation had changed in an instant with Hope’s yell. The keeper watched as her mother’s face turned from initial shock, to complete anger.

“Do you want to try that again?” Judy growled.

“What mom? When do I ever see you? There is a reason that you don’t know that I have missed this much school!”

“Hope Amelia Solo, I have had it up to here with you!” Judy yelled. She was unfazed by the students staring at her with wide eyes as the walked by.

“Yeah well I’m done taking all of this crap! You just don’t understand what I’m going through and you never will! You’re not home!” Hope threw her hands in the air.

“Hope, I am working my ass off to support two children. All by myself. I make sure that there is food in the fridge. I make sure that there is electricity on at our house. And, I even managed to clean up the crap that you and your brother leave around in the house. When I am home, I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I even mow the lawn because your brother is too busy to do it. I pay for you to keep your keeper sessions with Paul. I pay for your ODP fees. I pay for those clothes you are wearing. I pay for your 100$ cleats.” Judy Solo said strongly.

“I’m never home because I’m too busy taking up the miserable night shift because I earn more money that way, so that you and your brother can live your life. Okay? I don’t have weekends, I don’t have school days. All I get is 6 hours during the day to sleep, because I have picked up the night shift and the early morning shift. So then, tell me again how i’m such a bad parents and why am I never home. Please.” Judy challenged her.

Hope’s eyes were watering now, and she didn’t have the strength to look around at the students that were so obviously staring at them now.When she turned her head to look away, the heavy tears fell. She knew that out of all her anger and sadness and self loathing and whatever negative emotion you could think of, that was the stupidest thing she could say to her mom. She knew that her mother was working harder than any other human being on this planet to make her life seamless. I guess it was just that now that her life wasn’t seamless anymore, her mother was an easy scapegoat.

“I’m sorry.” Hope whispered. Judy just sighed.

“What happened between you and Kelley?” Judy decided to let up on her daughter a little.

“She cheated on me mom.” Hope said quietly. “With that kid across the street from us.”

“A boy?” Judy asked with raised eyebrows. Hope nodded solemnly.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Her mom urged her. Hope just shrugged. It was an interesting question though. _What AM I going to do about it....?_ She was pulled out of her thoughts when she thought she saw Tobin and Ashlyn in the far off distance, standing around and looking over at her.

“Baby. You are the strongest woman I know.” Judy grabbed her daughter by the arms and looked her straight in the eyes. “I’m not saying that it isn’t going to hurt. Because it will. It always will. But, I know that you will figure out a way to deal with it. A way that doesn’t involve all of this.” Judy said with a grimace as she ran her fingers up and down Hope’s neck. Her mother’s touch was so soft that it made her want to cry. But she knew that she couldn’t, not in front of all of her faceless school mates.

“Are you going to go to class?” Judy asked with raised eyebrows. Hope nodded. She meant it.

“Okay. I’m going to go back to work. We are going to talk more about your punishment later. But the truck that is in the shop now... you’re not using that. FOR A LONG TIME.” Judy looked glared at her and Hope hung her head. “You’re my warrior. Kelley made a huge mistake.” She added with a sad smile before she turned and left Hope to stand there and watch her go.

 

\--

 

It was easy for her to ignore the stares and the whispers from all of her faceless classmates. Because, quite frankly, she had no idea what they were whispering about, just that they were talking about her. She would catch whispers of ‘dyke’ or ‘cheater’ and Adam’s name, but other than that, she couldn’t really hear the whole gossip. She figured that her resting bitch face was enough to ward off anyone who was silly enough to even think about approaching her, and she was right. Usually, Hope would have let her face do the talking while she battled her insecurities inside, but today was different. She truly did not give a fuck. All of her focus was on how she going to stay engaged in class and not be the biggest disappointment. She dragged her feet from class to class and successfully kept her head up during class, when all she wanted to do was take a nap.

Every time the bell rang though, it was a different story. She would look up at the door and cringe. She was always the last one to leave. She knew that the girl knew her schedule and she knew hers. With all of the stares and whispering gossip that seemed to have her name on it, Hope was smart enough to know that word spread like wildfire, and there was a chance that she would hunt her down. 

By the fourth period she had attended, her phone had vibrated constantly for ten minutes in her pocket. She slowly took it out during class, making sure the teacher wasn’t looking, and saw that at least forty messages had come through from all of her teammates, demanding that she confirm that she was at school. Well it was mostly group text messages back and forth from Ashlyn and Tobin, arguing on who say Hope first, but the message had come as individual messages since Hope had a basic phone. _Damn, word spreads fast._ Instead of messaging them back, she put it back in her pocket and stared out the window.

When the bell had rang, Hope’s heart sank. She had no plan, no car to take her home for her lunch period, and she was pretty sure that she would run into _that one girl._ When she had shuffled out of class, she hurriedly dialed Christen Press’ phone number and hunched in the corner so that no teacher would see and take her phone away.

“I thought you were dead.” Christen joked as a greeting.

“I was. What are you doing? Where are you?” Hope hushed into the speaker.

“I’m in the parking lot with Tobs and Ali. Where are you? Wanna come to lunch with us?” Christen asked with a hint of excitement.

“I’ll be there in 2 min. Stay there.” Hope said before she flipped her phone shut.

The keeper rushed through the hallways, not wanting to give herself the time to look around for that one person that she wasn’t ready to see. She took the side doors out of the school to strategically avoid the usual path that her and Kelley used to take to their cars before they jetted to somewhere for lunch. She sighed with relief when she saw her friends standing in a group by Ali’s car.

“What up Solo?” Her friends greeted her and the four girls all performed their ritual handshake with the keeper.They quickly resumed their conversation on where they were going to eat. This made Hope’s heart melt. She didn’t know how to express it in words how thankful she was that her friends were working hard to make her day feel normal. They were arguing about the pros and cons of Chipotle and Panera, and even though Hope couldn’t give a rat’s ass about which restaurant they would end up at, she joined in on the conversation, her heart and mind content that she could find some normalcy with people in her life.

“Chipotle, it is!” Tobin said excitedly and fist pumped Hope.

“No, no. You picked last time, Heath.” Christen said.

“What did I say about this ‘Heath’ business?” Tobin asked with a smirk.

“Omg, stop flirting you two.” Ali said with a groan as she scrolled through her phone. Hope’s face split into a wide grin at Ali’s comment.

“Shut it, Ali.” Tobin said with a smile that escaped from her. The three continued debating on which place to go, and Hope absentmindedly flipped her old school flip phone, finding the click on it’s hinge oddly satisfying.

“Holy shit, Solo. That’s your phone now??” Ali grabbed it from Hope’s hand and her three friends inspected it with wonder and awe. Hope laughed along with her friends as they clicked all of the buttons and opened and closed it several times. She chuckled at her friends who couldn’t believe that something like this still existed. They passed it back to her before they continued their last round of debate on choice of restaurant.

Hope was looking down at her feet and her hands fidgeting with her backpack straps when her friends fell silent, and Hope felt this odd sensation run through her spine and the hair on the back of her stand up. She blinked rapidly and her mouth twitched as she felt pain in her stomach all of a sudden She put her hand above her belly button and felt the growl of something ominous gurgling. She looked at Ali’s face, which had her jaw set and her nostrils flared. And Hope just knew.

She didn’t dare turn around. That would truly be the death of her. She could hear that girl’s voice maybe forty years away and recognized it instantly. She didn’t let herself think about the male voice that she was talking to. Her pulse quickened, and she started to panic internally and her stomach churn.

“So, Chipotle?” Hope asked. But it really wasn’t a question.

“Yep!” Christen Press said quickly. Ali swiftly grabbed her car keys from her pocket and everyone hopped in the car, Tobin and Christen in the backseat. Hope only let out a breath she was holding in when Ali locked the doors and started the engine.

The keeper busied herself with her seatbelt, but she could just _feel_ Kelley getting closer. She felt caught somehow. She tried her hardest to look down at her phone and avoid the heartbeat in her throat, alerting her that Kelley was dangerously close. She saw Ali hesitate to pull forward, and Hope closed her eyes and shut herself out of the world when she heard a knock on the window next to her ear. She didn’t dare look up. Hope’s face, white as a sheet, looked at Ali, Tobin, and Christen. Ali was fuming, but the two in the back were more scared. Hope was paralyzed. Fight or flight, and she did neither. She was useless. She scratched her neck and looked around at her friend’s again. 

“Ali, please drive.” Hope said with authority. The defender swiftly put her car into gear and sped off. Hope did her best to look straight ahead and ignore the cry of her name from the girl that had hit the back of Ali’s car as she drove away. Hope ignored the fact that the figure standing next to that girl looked a lot like the boy who lived crossed from her.

The four friends drove a few miles in silence. Christen and Tobin looked at each other with widened eyes every once in awhile, but Christen mostly watched the tall keeper in the passenger seat.

“Al, pullover.” Christen said suddenly.

“What?” Ali asked, confused and panicked.

“Pull over!”

“Why?”

“Al! NOW!” Christen yelled. Ali swerved and successfully pulled over in two seconds on the side of the road. Successfully, but not safely. Before the car had come to a complete stop, Hope threw her door open and she flew out and hunched over before she threw up the coffee and bile in her stomach. Her three friends cringed back in disgust as they heard Hope gag over and over again, until her body had drained her of the little amount of sustenance that her stomach contained.

Hope wiped her mouth and her watering eyes. She looked up at the sky, wondering if God was ever going give her a break. Then she looked down at the cross on her necklace that her dad gave to her a long time ago. _Who am I kidding? You don’t exist._ She turned around and ignored all of her friend’s shocked faces.

 

\--

 

The keeper sipped on the straw on her fast food cup, and smiled as Tobin rolled her eyes at Ali, who kept rambling on about her nails. Hope picked at the bowl that she ordered, and as much as she wanted to throw it all in the trash, she could tell from the contents of her throw up thirty minutes ago, that she needed to eat. She hadn’t really eaten anything other than coffee and hot pockets for the past eight days. She did her best to shovel in food that she usually would have found delicious, but now found hard to swallow.

“Hey, so since you’ve been a couch potato, Solo..” Tobin said with a smirk. Hope just swatted her in the arm, “are you even going to be ready for the next game in two days?”

“Oh. I’m suspended.” Hope said simply. She chose that moment to shove food in her mouth. She looked up from her bowl to see wide open mouths of her teammates.

“What?!” Christen asked with such force.

“I’m suspended from playing. For three games.” Hope said a monotone voice. She was surprised at how calm she was. _Then again, this whole fucking world hates me. Of course I got suspended. Of course, during my senior year. After I found out my girlfriend cheated on me. The games before the coaches from Stanford and Washington come to watch me play. Of course._ As she reeled off into her own head, it all faded away and Hope calmly stared ahead. Maybe her mind was getting better at compartmentalizing things.

“Fucking Kelley...” Ali said below her breath. 

“How has practice been?” Hope said. She took another forkful of food and noticed that her body started to feel a little better with every bite and swallow. She looked up and felt how uncomfortable her friends were being.

“Rough.” Tobin said quietly.

“Why?” Hope asked with narrowed eyes.

“Well...the team chemistry is....off” Ali said with her eyes down on her burrito bowl.

“What does that mean? Geez guys, i’m gone for like a week...” Hope said. She looked at them expectantly as they all just looked down at their food.

“Hello?” Hope waved her hand in front of her teammates.

“It’s been hard...dealing with Kelley.” Christen said, looking Hope in the eye when she said the girl’s name. 

“Everyone’s upset.” Tobin said simply. “And, tensions are high.” 

“She can go fuck herself.” Ali muttered into her food. 

Hope didn’t even feel like arguing that.

 

\--

 

Hope and her teammates jumped out of the car a little happy that they had enough time to chill out before their next class. It was at the urge of the keeper that they made sure they made it back in time for the start of class. They all walked the length of the parking lot, bellies full and smiles wide that Hope had joined them.

“HS, I’m glad that you joined us today.” Tobin said as she patted the girl on her back. “I get sick of these two.” Tobin said with a smirk.

“Hey!” Christen said with mock indignation before she laced her fingers with Tobin.

“Whoa. When did that happen?” Hope asked with widened eyes and pointed at her friends interlocked hands.

“Shit! I forgot!” Christen said with an apologetic look at Tobin. The midfielder just looked at her with a sheepish grin.

“Forgot what?” Hope asked.

“You missed it. They’re together now.” Ali said with a disgusted face.

“We are...” Tobin searched Christen’s face. “Figuring out things..” She added with a smile. Hope looked on at her two friends and felt a pang of jealousy. She smiled though, as her heart lurched a little. She knew that the sight of Christen and Tobin looking at each other with heart eyes was quite possibly the most beautiful yet heartbreaking thing she has seen in the past week. 

Hope watched as Christen scrunched up her face in cuteness when Tobin kissed her on the top of her head, and Hope’s body and joints literally ached as the sadness spread throughout her veins. She started scratching at her neck, again. She was too lost in her thoughts and the itchiness on her neck to notice a devastatingly familiar looking figure sitting on the sidewalk twenty yards in front of her. 

Hope took a stutter step, fighting the urge to stop in her tracks, and she felt Ali protectively step near her. The keeper didn’t quite look up at the freckled face girl, but she could see that she had stood up and waited in her spot as the four girls approached the front doors, with Kelley being in there way. Unsure of what to do, Hope just kept walking forward, avoiding the girl’s gaze, and letting Ali act as a buffer zone between her and her ex.

“Hope? Can I please talk to you?” Kelley asked. Her voice was a little shaky. And the keeper couldn’t help but _feel_ the sadness in her voice. She felt in her core, and Hope wiped her face as she thought about how devastatingly _good_ it felt to hear the girl's’ voice. She covered her face with her hands, feeling like an idiot for succumbing to the charm of Kelley O'Hara for even one second, even if it was just in her mind. She continued walking in order to save herself and her dignity.

“Hope. Please!” She could hear the footsteps of her friends fade behind her as she walked to the front doors. She didn’t need to turn around to know that her teammates probably helped her out in putting as much distance between her and the girl. Hope jogged the rest of the way into the first empty classroom she could find.

She waited the three agonizing seconds it took for the door to click shut. With her back turned to it, she heard the hinges creak as the door swung. _Click._ As soon as she did, she shut her eyes, hoping that they would block the flood that was to come. Hope crumpled to the floor and she put her hand on her mouth to tame the loud sobs that escaped her. _Fucking pathetic._ She kicked at the nearest desk, simply to take out the pent up _feelings_ that she was harboring. 

She hadn’t heard Kelley’s voice in what seemed like ages ago. The last time they had communicated was via text when Hope told her that she was talking to college coaches. Hope cried harder at the fact that not even a week ago, she was contemplating picking a university solely based on Kelley’s wants. Now, she had no fucking clue what she was going to do. But all of those thoughts were pushed away when she thought about how much she wanted Kelley in the instant that she heard her voice. She was begging for Hope’s attention, and for a second, Hope let herself think that maybe she had an explanation. Maybe, this was all a misunderstanding. 

_Maybe, Maybe, Maybe. That’s not good enough for me. There was no maybe about the fact the she was kissing him._

She wiped all of her tears and then looked up in a panic when the warning bell sounded, signaling that she had two minutes left to get to class, and that her pity party would have to wait.

The keeper quickly jogged down the hallway and up the stairs, quickening her pace as she felt the time elapse. She panicked when she turned on a hallway and found that it was empty. The bell was about to ring. She turned the last corner. And then, she skidded to a halt.

Kelley O’Hara was standing by the entrance to Hope’s calculus class. Hope ventured on, knowing that she couldn’t be late.It didn’t matter what was going on with the girl, she couldn’t let her be the reason for her failings in school, anymore. At this point, she still hadn’t looked _that girl_ in the face, and she wasn’t about to now as she was walking towards her.

“What happened to your hands?” She heard Kelley ask with a panicked voice.

Hope continued walking and looked down at the day old tape on her fingers, forgetting that her hands had been taped up. She continued walking. She even managed to get a few steps past her when she felt that overwhelming sensation of her t-shirt being pulled gently. It sparked an amazingly familiar and comforting, yet afflictive sensation in her core and at this point, Hope felt like she wanted to tear someone’s skin off.

Instead, she pushed off Kelley’s small hands and continued to walk to her class, aware that she probably only had fifteen seconds left, and the small pang in her stomach would have to be ignored at the moment.

“Hope, please let me explain. You NEED to let me explain.” Kelley demanded. She planted herself in front of the tall girl, who tried her absolute hardest avoid to anymore physical contact with Kelley, but she had failed. Hope stumbled as her whole body made contact with a planted Kelley O’Hara. _I can’t do this right now._ She side stepped the shorter girl.

“I NEED to get to class.” Hope growled. The small girl made one last attempt at pulling Hope back, but Hope shook her hand from the girl’s. The keeper groaned when the bell rang, and so she sprinted the last ten steps to class. She was only a few seconds late to class.

“Wow, Ms. Solo. You actually decided to show today.” Mrs. Watt said. “And you couldn’t even make it on time.” she said it with a tone that made Hope realize whose skin she would have loved to tear off. But she resorted to sitting down at her desk when the teacher just waved her to take her seat.

 

\--

 

“Are you sure?” Ali said from her driver’s seat. Ashlyn looked equally as concerned from her spot in the passenger side.

“Yes, guys. I just need some time. To myself. And some exercise.” Hope chuckled. It felt weird to be walking home again. This time she truly was solo. And she wasn’t decked out in her training gear that she usually would have been since Jill had made her sit out during practice. The A team waved at her as they drove off with Tobin and Christen in the back seat. And she walked back to her house, a little content that she was walking her old path.

She looked down at her shoes as she carried her legs across campus and to home. She thought about how awkward practice had been with her in jeans while everyone else was juggling the ball and passing it around in their training gear. Not to mention, Kelley was coming up to her every chance she got. Hope had to resort to standing next to Jill in order to get the girl to stop. It was becoming increasingly challenging to avoid Kelley’s stare and her pleas, and Hope had felt Kelley successfully break down her wall when Kelley had managed to grab a hold of her hand and finally catch Hope’s eye when Jill had gone to set up a drill with some cones. 

“Hope, I love you. Whatever anyone told you, it’s not what you think.” Kelley said firmly. 

The keeper just stood there with her hand limp in Kelley’s and digested what the girl had said. She didn’t really know what she was going to say. _How are you to respond to that?_ So she stood there, no response, and stared back at the wide eyes of Kelley O’Hara. Those eyes were almost easily going to break her down. Hope knew it. _I can’t, I can’t be so fucking pathetic._ A mixture of weakness and anger swirled inside of her as she battled her weakness for the girl, and the anger that told her to stop giving into Kelley. _You’ve let her run all over you with some boy on the side and her secrets in the shadows._

Hope couldn’t be more thankful when a ball had hit Kelley in the back of her leg, breaking the intense eye contact when Kelley turned around to Ali Krieger saying ‘Sorry’ with a not-so-genuine tone. When the forward had turned back around, she was no longer holding on to Hope and the girl was already three steps away from Jill. The forward had no choice but to go back to doing whatever passing sequence they were working on.

She ruminated over the rollercoaster of emotions she experienced today. From the hopelessness in the morning, the fear of her mom’s wrath, the shame of being a disappointment, the dread of going to class, the happiness that her friends had brought her, and the powerful _misery_ that seemed to consume her mind and hold her body hostage when she looked at Kelley’s face for the first time. 

She felt intense anger, hatred, and the deep cut of betrayal when she looked over Jill’s shoulders and saw the boys practicing on the next field. She didn’t dare let herself stare at Adam for too long, and she even managed to block out the catcalls some nameless soccer boys shouted out when they had ran by her.

Now on her route to home, Hope was thankful for this time to herself. No one was around and the sun had set thirty minutes ago, so she was able to roam the streets with the security blanket of the darkness. Hope habitually reached up and scratched her neck, but thought better about it. She walked on. She still felt like crying, but she tried to find some strength in the steadiness of the forged and familiar path.

But, the keeper quickly realized that she would only find anger when she walked through the ditch, trying (but failing) to not think about the memories that _that girl_ and herself made in this ditch. It involved an almost kiss. And now in hindsight, Hope wished that she could have taken back that night. She wished that she had not followed Kelley after she had run out of the house. She wished that she would have listened to her when she had asked Hope not to talk about it. If she had not done any one of those things, she wouldn’t be feeling this desolate and pathetic that she was left for fucking _Adam Wright._

The keeper climbed out of the ditch with ease due to the muscle memory. And, of course, because the world hates Hope Solo, when she dusted off her jeans and looked up, she found herself 5 yards away from an annoyingly bright and ugly blue beamer in park in front of the mouth of ditch she just got out from. _Of fucking course._

Hope crazily chuckled to herself at her luck. She walked on. She heard the kill of the engine and the opening and closing of a car door, and she braced herself for the bullshit.

“I don’t have time for this.” Hope said in her monotone voice. She was impressed at how well her voice was masquerading the panic she was really experiencing.

“Hope Solo. Please let me explain. You need to hear things from my side.” Kelley pleaded for what seemed like the billionth time today.

“Nope, I don’t.” Hope said simply. Kelley put her hand on Hope’s chest, effectively halting the tall girl.

“Baby I-”

“What the fuck?” Hope said suddenly and with such force that it threw Kelley off. “Baby?! BABY?! Don’t fucking call me that. When have you EVER called me ‘baby’? Is that something you picked up from your _boyfriend_?” Hope said with such disgust.

“You’re a piece of work O’Hara.” Hope said with a growl. She was surprised at how savagely gratifying it was to see the fear in Kelley’s eyes. She pushed past her.

“HOPE SOLO!!” Kelley literally screamed.

“You told me that you would understand that _everything_ I am doing is to be with you. With YOU! So just let me explain!” Kelley said with genuine anger. Hope turned on her heel at that statement.

“Oh yeah? And how is you sucking the dick of some toolbag your way of ‘being with me’?? Tell me that O’Hara.” All she wanted was to hurt. Make the girl feel even an ounce of the downward spiral of misery and bleakness that Kelley’s actions had sent her in. In actuality, Hope had no knowledge, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted it, on whether Kelley had done more than kiss Adam. _But, at this point, who am I to put it past Kelley O’Hara?_

“Stop.” Kelley pleaded and unsuccessfully tried to hold Hope at bay with her hands as the taller girl advanced on her.

“Tell me, O’Hara. TELL ME!” Hope was suddenly aware that she advanced on the girl enough that Kelley’s back was on her car and their chests were against one another.

“Be sweet to me.” Kelley pleaded with glassy and terrified eyes. It was soft enough request that the monster in Hope relaxed and stepped back.

“I didn’t do that with him. Nothing like that.” Kelley said, her tone still quiet.

“Oh thank God!” Hope sarcastically commented.

“Hope. You know that I love you. You know that.” Kelley pushed back.

“How long have you been cheating on me?” Hope demanded. In reality, she didn’t want to know, but the thought of being made a fool of for one more second overpowered everything else.

“I’m not cheating on you.” Kelley’s sobs finally broke through the surface.

Hope was stock still. She slowly furrowed her brows and she was about to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but decided against it.

“Don’t do this Kelley. Seriously. You cannot even do the decency of admitting that you are cheating on me.. What the fuck am I doing here?” Hope looked around and then remembered that she was walking home. She decided to continue doing that. 

She groaned when she heard Kelley’s footsteps behind her. _Why? Why does the world hate me? What did I do in a previous life?_

When she felt Kelley’s delicate hands wrap around her left bicep, Hope shuddered at the thought of the girl in front of her kissing and touching another person. And to make it worse, it was a _boy._ A boy that Hope _hated._ Hope knew that they had never had the discussion on the exclusivity of their sexual preferences, but as she looked down at the girl, she couldn’t help but feel the disgust and helplessness of being left for a person of the opposite sex. 

“Don’t.” Hope wriggled out of her touch

“I love you. I’m in love with you, Hope Solo. If you give me two seconds-”

“I don’t owe you those two seconds.” Hope cut in.

“I know you don’t, Hope! Okay, I know that you think i’m the worst human being ever. And I don’t blame you. I really don’t -”

“Good. Because you’re right. You are the worst human being ever.” Hope cut in again. She was a little relieved when she realized that she turned on her own street. Kelley was still in tow.

“Don’t say those things to me. You don’t mean them.” Kelley was full on sobbing at this point. Hope just shook her head. She didn’t know if she meant it or not.

“Anyways, your boyfriend is over there. I’ll see you later.” Hope pointed at the across from hers and she walked up to her door. She unlocked the front door with her keys and before she was able to turn it, she felt Kelley’s grip on her hand on top of the knob.

“You’re still my girlfriend, Hope Solo.” Kelley said strongly and with furrowed brows.

“Fuck no.”

“I’m still yours!” And with that, Kelley threw her lips onto the taller girl’s. It was a desperate attempt to hook any hope that the keeper was open to listening to her and reel her compassion in.

It didn’t work.

Hope firmly pushed the girl off and wiped her mouth. It felt like a knife to the heart. Her lips stung, her stomach churned, her eyes shot daggers, but her body ached at how mind-blowing it all still felt.

“You’re not mine.” Hope said with such venom.

“You never were.”

 

\--

 

She slammed the door in the girl’s face and walked up to her room in a daze. She wasn’t quite sure what she had just done. It felt satisfying and tormenting all at the same time. The slam of the door seemed to signal a clean end. But did she really want an end? What was she even supposed to want?

Hope was completely unaware of her body going through her nightly routine as she thought of what it was that she wanted? _I want things to go back to before I found out that she cheated on me._ But did she really? As she thought about it further, it still wasn’t clear how long Kelley had been with Adam, and she had a literal gut feeling that it could have been the day that Kelley had hopped in Adam’s car and left her throwing up on the side of the street. Or worse, before then. _Do I really want to go back to the days in which I looked like a FUCKING idiot and she was fucking some dude behind my back?_

Hope’s tears blended in with the water from her shower head. Every touch, every kiss that they had shared was tainted. The thought of Kelley’s lips on his lips , or on _whatever else_ made Hope’s skin crawl. Even though Kelley said that they hadn’t, she didn’t know what to believe anymore. Two weeks ago, Hope truly thought that Kelley O’Hara was in love with her, but now, it was a different story. She scrubbed her body extra har, wanting to get any traces of Adam that Kelley may have left on her. Hope let the warm water fall on her skin and wash away any of the sinful excrement that her sweat must have contained from all of the negative emotions she felt today.

The keeper slowly got out of the shower and dried herself. She felt thoroughly satisfied at how clean her body was and she decided to reward herself with a comfy pair of pajamas so that she could pass out and end this horrible day. She walked into her closet, put some shorts on, and then, she looked at the Stanford shirt that was neatly folded on top of all of her shirts. 

Any sort of atonement that the shower provided her was completely reversed. She felt weak and yielding, words that were never used to describe Hope Solo, as she picked it up and smelled Kelley on the fabric. She thought of the t-shirt pulling, the laughing, the challenging stares, the nuzzling, the kissing, and the love making that all took place before all of this. _All of that was a lie? All of it? How?_ She thought that in those beautiful moments that she had felt Kelley feel those things, too. 

On days that they did nothing but watch TV and Kelley would just nuzzle into her neck, she swore that she could feel their heartbeats pump in sync. Yeah, it was cheesy as fuck, but it was an actual physiological sign that they were on the same wavelength. Hope didn’t want to believe that all of those times that Kelley leaned her whole body into her and melted into her embrace, were not real. _They can’t be. I’m not an idiot._

Hope stood by her sink and looked down at the blue toothbrush. _I didn’t imagine the six months that she spent here. They were real. She left this here. It’s proof. I’m not crazy. I didn’t build up this fantasy in my head._ Hope repeated those words in more or less the same words as she brushed her teeth with her own toothbrush.

 

\--

 

“So, you’re really serious about not letting me play?” Hope asked.

“Yep, I am.” Jill said simply as the rest of the girls shuffled off of the bus. Hope avoided Kelley’s longing stare. “Did I not warn you about skipping your calculus class?”

“You did, coach.” Hope said sadly.

“I know that you are going through a lot kid, but you gotta learn how to manage ALL of it. School, soccer, friends, family, all of it.” Jill said sadly. “It’s three games, kid. You’ll be back. But I want you to really start taking responsibility for your life.”

“So why did you make me change into my uniform?” Hope asked as she looked down at her goalkeeping jersey.

“Because you’re still a part of this team.” Jill said with raised eyebrows.

Hope nodded and got up from her seat when Jill did the same. The keeper stayed by her coach’s side as her team warmed up for the game. She couldn’t help but watch Kelley as she went through a game of possession and shooting sequence. When Kelley noticed that Hope was watching her, she had completely shanked the ball over the goal. The forward put her hands over her head for two seconds, but then jogged back to resume the drill. She caught Hope’s imposing stare and hustled back, trying to get her head back in the game

It didn’t work.

They lost for the first time of the season, 1-0.

Hope didn’t need to analyze the game to know why their star forward couldn’t make a single one of her fifteen shots on goal.

 

\--

 

“Can we not talk about the game? Thanks.” Tobin said from the back seat of Marcus’ car.

“Please. That was fucking miserable.” Christen grumbled from her seat next to Tobin.

“It was miserable to watch.” Hope said sadly.

“C’mon you guys! It wasn’t that bad. You guys freaking dominated the game!” Marcus said in disbelief.

“Exactly! We should have won!” Tobin cursed herself for talking about the game. But it was no use, because the four continued to groan and yell out their comments and frustrations on the game. It was a game of almosts. Kelley almost scored. Kelley almost got a red card when she pushed down a girl in frustration after the ball was dead. Tobin almost nutmegged a girl, but ended up tripping on the ball and letting the girl counter attack and let a perfect shot into the upper 90. Ashlyn almost saved that shot. Christen almost lost her shit went the ball hit the net.

“So, you’re actually going to study?” Christen asked with raised eyebrows.

“Yes, CP.” Hope sighed. “Apparently I am the worst student ever and Mrs. Watt is making me do the homework I missed all due in two days.” The keeper rolled her eyes.

“Yeah...good luck that. I’m never taking math again.” Tobin said with a grin.

“Tobs, you’re probably going to have to take some math in college. You know that, right?” Christen asked with raised eyebrows.

“Chris, have you ever heard of a major called ‘communications’?” Tobin asked thoughtfully.

Before Christen could answer, Marcus’ car slowed down to a halt and the duo noticed that they had reached their destination. Christen and Tobin waved to the keeper and her brother before they sped off.

 

\--

 

“Hello Mrs. P!” Tobin said excitedly and then gave the older woman a hug  
.  
“Tobin, I haven’t seen you since...yesterday. Going to play FIFA with Channing?” Stacy Press asked.

“If you don’t mind, Mrs. P?” Tobin asked as she scratched the back of her neck. Her right foot was already on the staircase, most likely going up to Channing’s room.

“Fine, but don’t let her stay up too late.” She warned. Tobin nodded and then ran up the stairs.

“That girl is so charming.” Stacy shook her head and chuckled.

“Yeah, she is.” Christen said with a warm smile.

“So what’s going on mamasita? How was the game?” 

“Let’s not talk about it” Christen said as she rolled her eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. We win some, we lose some.” Her mother brought her into a tight hug.

“So if we can’t talk about the game, how is life? How are Hope and Kelley??” Christen smiled at that and then filled her mom in on the most recent events. Stacy was just like her daughter, analytical, observant, and curious. The two fed each other’s thirst for details and gossip.

“Pobrecita! Is she okay? That coach of yours is being too harsh. I still cannot believe that Kelley would do that!” Stacy said, genuinely upset.

“I mean, what was she thinking? Did you really not know baby? I mean you and Kelley are best friends?”

“I think it’s my fault mom.” Christen said with a hung head. “I mean, I didn’t know, but... _I knew._ You know? When I saw her kissing that guy, it wasn’t a surprise. It’s like I’ve known all along that she was doing _something_ wrong.” Christen shook her head to clear her thoughts.

“Baby, it’s not your fault. You didn’t cheat on Hope. You can’t blame yourself.” Stacy said as she rubbed her daughter’s arm to comfort her.

“I know, mom. I just feel like I witnessed a crime and I didn’t do anything to stop it.” Christen said softly. The mother and daughter duo stood there in silence to think about the situation.

“But, it’s all so not like Kelley. I’ve known her since she was a nina. She’s always hanging around Hope like glue. Always tugging at her and all that stuff. When she wasn’t here at the house, she was with Hope!”

“Yeah mom, I don’t know...” Christen said with narrowed eyes. “There’s something missing....something that I don’t know..And I want to find out. It all makes sense, but then at the same time, it doesn’t...”

Stacy Press looked out in thought and nodded with her daughter. The two stayed like that for awhile, trying to figure out life’s answers. 

“You know what though, I’m glad Hope got out. I swear, that family is strange. Well, Karen is alright, but her dad is strange.” Stacy Press said with wide eyes.

“Why would you say that?” Christen asked slowly.

“Oh, I hate to talk about other parents.” Stacy said guiltily. That was a complete lie. “But that man is so awkward. I had ran into him at the office one day and we were catching up. We don’t see each other much since he’s in sales and i’m in the billing department, and they’re on the opposite sides of the campus. But he was so nice at first. He kept asking me questions about you and how school was and how Kelley was doing. Which I found strange, so I casually mentioned that I knew she was sleeping over at Hope’s house, and that man’s face completely changed. It’s like he was dead, there was no expression. And ever since then, he is just cold and whenever I say hi to him, he just grunts and awkwardly shuffles away.”

“That’s weird. So he thought she was staying with us?” Christen asked curiously.

“Yeah. I mean, I think it was all just a misunderstanding.” Stacy said simply.

 

\--

After the game, and after midnight, Hope was miserably staring at a page in her calculus book, not really reading it, when she heard a loud knock come from her front door. And she knew who it was. She didn’t even need to get up from her spot on her bed. But she did. She looked out the window of her room and saw Kelley’s car in the distance. 

Hope sighed.

And then she put on some headphones, to drown out the Kelley’s persistent knocking. She was glad that Marcus had left to go to his girlfriend’s house and her mom at work.

She tried to look at the bullshit that was calculus in front of her, but she couldn’t help but flinch every time the sound of a particularly loud knock pierced through her Ariana Grande jam. It was starting to become a habit of Kelley’s to come by the house at a weird time and just knock and knock and knock for a good long time. Hope knew that the girl always got what she wanted, but she was actually really surprised at how much Kelley was working to get her attention. Don’t let it be mistaken, Hope was not going to give it to her, but she was surprised that Kelley had kept it up for more than a couple of days.

_Why is she doing this? I’m letting her go. She can be with him...._

The keeper took her headphones off when the playlist on her phone had finished and listened very closely to see if the knocking had ceased. It had. She felt relieved. And lonely.

She turned off the lights and was ready to close the book on this day. She knew that her mind wasn’t ready to stop thinking about the girl, though. Hope sat in her bed, bone-weary from life. It was exhausting to feel.

She pulled the covers away from the bed and climbed in. She nestled into her pillow, wrapped her blankets around her, and she looked up at the moon. It’s light stung as she thought of her and Kelley’s first time. It was a slow burn.

_I have to learn not to love her. Did I love her..?_

_I did._ Hope compulsively scratched at her neck and felt the sting when her tears rolled down her face and into the cut skin.

When the tears had slowed, she let her neck relax, and her eyes droop. She massaged her tore up hands, and felt her body relax. She turned on her side to get comfortable. She looked at the moon one more time, hoping that she wouldn’t think about their experience again. Maybe it would all get better. Movement out of the corner of her peripheral caught her attention.

She just slightly raised her head as she watched with narrowing and disbelieving eyes Kelley hug Adam tightly. He was stroking her hair. Hope was scratching her neck. Hope counted twenty seconds before they broke apart, and he opened the door to his jeep only for her to jump in. 

_It wasn’t love._

 

\--

 

Hope knew that she shouldn’t have done it. She was a smart girl. But, sometimes the chemicals in your brain make you convince yourself that maybe your intentions and feelings would justify the actions.

Not to mention, it was 4 am and she had not fallen asleep yet. Which was weird, because just two days ago, she couldn’t keep eyes open. It was the world against her again. Just when she was supposed to be enjoying the sleepy, comforting darkness and not the harsh bright lights of a classroom, her mind would not stop racing, and her eyes would not keep closed for more than thirty seconds. 

She knew Marcus was going to kill her. But, the thought of spending another minute in a room which did not have a single inch of space in which Kelley had not inhabited was enough for her to steal his keys and drive off into the night. She didn’t know where she was going. All she knew was that his tank was full, he had an unopened liter of vodka below his seat, and the road was empty.

In reality, she didn’t need the whole liter. _What the fuck does he have vodka for?_ With a newbie like her, she really just needed four shots. It tasted like shit as it burned her throat. She tried not to think about it’s metaphorical pain and how it foreshadowed the misery to come and consume her whole body. She drove away from her house and after fifteen minutes of mindless driving, with no real direction, Hope started to think that maybe she was a superwoman. She didn’t feel the effects of the vodka yet. 

She drove a few more miles, randomly choosing when to turn right, when to turn left, and it wasn’t until she drove through a stop sign and swerved just a little to avoid bumping into a car on the side of the road did Hope start to chuckle.

_I’m drunk._

And she didn’t care. She didn’t care that she was being reckless, that she was being selfish, that she could have hurt herself, that she could have hurt someone ELSE. She didn’t care that this was the absolute stupidest thing she has ever done in her life, more than falling in love with Kelley O’Hara.

_Fucking O’Hara._

Hope’s laughter ceased and now, she was just seething. Angry, drunk, and driving.

The keeper felt some tingling in her arms, in her inner thighs, and felt a buzzing sensation in her skin that made her feel like the laziest and strongest person on this earth at the same time. She didn’t know how her brain had managed to keep enough attention to the road, but she had recognized the street she was on. So she made a decision.

And she tried to brake. She really did. But when Marcus’ car had hit the back of this baby blue beamer’s bumper at a speed of 5 mph, Hope laughed.

_And that’s why you put your cars in the garage._

She got out and pretended to assess the damage. Then she thought, _It’s fucking 4 am, no one is going to see me._ But she did make sure to note that there was just a tiny little dent on Kelley’s bumper. She pulled out the flashlight in Marcus, glove compartment and made sure it looked like a little dent in the light, too. _Eh. Small enough._

But then, her drunken curiosity got the better of her. She shone the flashlight on Kelley’s window and then took a peak. Her being drunk, she wasn’t too sure what she was looking for. She could see Kelley’s usual shit.

_She’s so fucking messy._

Hope noted her training gear, empty water bottles, pairs of cleats, and just general soccer girl mess. But then, Hope spotted a stack of cones. Something that a soccer girl wouldn’t have, but a thing that a coach would have. Then, she spotted her spare set of red and white goalie gloves sticking out of the little pocket in Kelley’s soccer backpack.

_Oh, fuck no._

Blame it on the alcohol, the love drug, hormones, or just plain craziness, Hope’s fist wound up from her ear and ended up being 5 inches into Kelley’s car, through the passenger side window. Maybe she felt something, but Hope didn’t think so. She still felt that tingling sensation all around in her body. She looked down at the shattered glass pieces, kind of in shock that she just did that, but then she clumsily maneuvered her body into the car so that she could reach into Kelley’s bag and get her gloves.

She grabbed them out of the bag and smiled widely at the soft plush feeling that the palm of the gloves offered. Then, she looked at the stack of cones that were neatly attached to their stand and roughly snatched them up as she climbed into the car through the broken passenger window, again.

She knew whose cones these were.

_I’m not ignoring this._

She put the stand upside down and let the cones fall onto the street and splay in all different directions. The sight of the bright colored cones strewn about everywhere onto the asphalt felt good. She caused this destruction. It was powerful.

“Solo?” A small voice pierced through the night and through Hope’s cloudy haze of a conscience. The keeper looked up, an upside down stand in her hand, goalie gloves in the other, hundreds of cones littered around her feet, and wide eyes on her face. Hope didn’t even hear a sound when the figure was approaching.

“What are you-” Erin O’Hara stopped in her tracks. She looked at Hope, at the cones, then at her sister’s car. Then, she looked at Hope’s hand.

“What did you do?” Erin whispered-yelled. She stepped closer to the crime scene and then grabbed Hope’s limp hand, which was drenched in the thick red blood.

The older jumped back and looked down at her house slippers and realized that she was about to step on broken shards of glass. 

“Er, it’s not-. I’m no-. I.....” Hope tried her hardest to form a thought, and to seem sober. But she couldn’t fool the girl.

“Are you drunk?” Erin asked with a seriousness and force that Hope had never seen before.

Hope nodded. There was no point in lying, and she was drunk enough that she quite honestly would never be able to come up with another answer.

Erin sighed.

“Stay here. I mean it.” Erin whispered to her. And then she walked back in the house, only to come back out seconds later.

She came out with a small hand towel. Erin washed off the blood from Hope’s hand from the garden hose, and then delicately wrapped the towel around it. Hope didn’t want to think about how her hand was starting to actually _feel_ all of the fibers of the towel and the way they would rub her skin the wrong way. 

“Get in.” She ordered to Hope and pointed to her car when she unlocked it. The keeper hopped in without a second thought.

 

\--

 

They drove in silence. And silence with Erin O’Hara is rare and deadly. Hope’s hand stung and the buzzing sensation was starting to die down and the despair, replacing it.

“Are you going to ask me why I did it?” Hope asked quietly and softly.

“Would your answer change what you did?” Erin asked, equally as soft.

Hope Solo cried. Hard.

“Erin, I’m so sorry! I didn’t- I don’t-. I know there isn’t any excuse. I just-” She managed to complete zero sentences through her sobs. So she hunched over with her face resting in her injured hand, and the towel soaking up the many tears. It felt like another huge loss to disappoint Erin O’Hara.

“I’m sorry about my sister.” Erin said quietly. “I didn’t know she was doing that.”

Hope nodded. Thankful that Erin still hadn’t exiled her.

“When I saw her and Adam holding hands before Jerry’s game, I fucking lost it.” Erin shook her head. “I mean, I had seen him at our house before all of this, but he was always talking to my dad or Jerry. And, I didn’t know-. I didn’t know it was going on for that long.” She said sadly.

“How long has it been going on, Er?” Hope asked with her face in her towel. She really didn’t want to know. Hope felt Erin hesitate, but she kept still and quiet.

“Since Jerry got into that accident.”

Hope Solo cried. Even harder.

 

\--

 

“Why are you doing this for me?” Hope asked, defeated, yet surprised.

“Because you deserve another chance.” Erin said sadly. “I’ll get Cole to move your brother’s car in like two hours. Will he wake up by that time?” Erin asked.

Hope shook her head.

“You know he’s gonna know that you took it, right?”

Hope nodded.

“Okay. Well, I’m going to go.” Erin put her car in drive.

“What do I do about...her car?” 

Erin sighed. “Don’t worry about it, kid. I got you.” The older girl said before she shot her another sad smile and drove off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	12. Stick to the Crop you Already Have

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, I almost forgot how your voice sounds.” Hope said as she stood a feet away from the girl with her body turned a little to the side, almost to guard herself. And it wasn’t a statement meant to hurt, it was just the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY FOLKS. REMINDER: THIS IS RATED MATURE
> 
> Also, don't mind the grammatical mistakes. I'll edit later.

\--

 

_You’re a fucking menace._

It was five in the morning and Hope’s eyes were sunken and saliva pooled in her mouth and tipped over onto her chin. She lazily let her eyes roll back and her hair droop over her face as she leaned over her sink and let the refuse of the dreaded poison of alcohol do it’s magic in butchering up her stomach and her throat as the digested consistency of whatever shitty food she was consuming came barreling through her body and onto her sink in the form of pink liquid.

With every heave, she felt the punishment and destruction. She was being punished for being herself. Her true self. Her unadulterated, raw, wretched self, that she almost forgot about. One that she thought was gone the minute Kelley decided to come live with her. But, just like the literal regurgitation in her sink, her true self came out quick, fast, and destroyed everything it touched.

She wiped her mouth lazily, and swayed in her spot. Her vision was blurred, her throat was burning, and her mouth had that nasty taste of bile and shame. She picked up what looked like her toothbrush, wanting to use the dwindling amounts of coherence that her mind could latch onto to scrub away the lingering reminders in her mouth. She picked up what looked like the tube of toothpaste and attempted to put some on the toothbrush. 

It wasn’t until the device was three inches from her mouth that she realized that this toothbrush was blue.

_Blue. That means..._

She closed her eyes and her hands shook. So much that the dollop of toothpaste had plunked right into the sink. Her two shaking hands enclosed over the toothbrush and slowly let the vibrations in her body and the brute strength sourced from her biceps snap the toothbrush in half. Hope ignored the painful sensation in her right hand that nagged at her brain when she gripped the now useless pieces of plastic in her hands. She discarded it quickly and washed her mouth out while she tried to catch her breath.

She also tried to catch a break. She threw herself onto her bed, and she finally caught in when her eyes drooped close, and her body decided to sleep.

 

\--

 

Well, she _almost_ caught a break. Her brain was still inevitably _her_ and there was no way that she could escape that. It is known, that most nights, Hope Solo does not dream. But if she did, it was always about one person. And tonight, was no exception.

_  
“God, you’re so hard, Adam.” Kelley whispered into her ear._

_Even in a dream, it was arousing to feel Kelley’s hot breath on her cheeks, to hear the vulnerable moan in her voice, and to feel this otherworldly sensation of Kelley’s hands on (Hope looked down), her..._

_Hope felt Kelley’s hands travel back up her stomach, up her chest, which felt a lot different, and into her hair, which was short. Kelley’s tongue worked its wonder in Hope’s mouth while her hands ran over the short beard on Hope’s cheeks. She quickly tore off Hope’s shirt, and their mouths met again, but not before Hope could look down at her own dark brown skin and the patches of chest hair and the definitive, thick hair that trailed down her shorts. Hope could feel her strong arms flex as she brought Kelley’s body in closer, which felt unusually light._

_Hope’s arms clumsily tore off Kelley’s training shirt, and she observed the thick hair coating her arms while she tried her hardest to unclasp Kelley’s bra. It took about thirty seconds of tugging and pulling until Kelley broke away from Hope’s mouth to giggle._

_“I swear, boys suck at this.”_

_Hope watched with a grin as Kelley easily unclasped the contraption in one motion and threw it in the backseat._

_Hope wasn’t smiling anymore. She took in the sight of Kelley’s pale skin and the many freckles that dotted her chest and breasts. It caused, whatever was in between her legs, to harden and throb._

_“Nice uh...earlobes.” Hope could hear herself say in a very deep voice. It was met with Kelley’s flirtatious giggle and her mouth on her neck while her hands wrapped around that thing in Hope’s shorts. She had never felt this pleasurable of a sensation of her smooth silky mesh shorts, rubbing against her with Kelley’s direction. It was starting to make Hope hornier._

_“Fuck.” Hope let out in a deep whisper._

_“I wanna ride you.” Kelley’s moan into her ear sent shivers all throughout her body. She looked Kelley square in the eye, and the girl seemed to be begging for whatever this was. Hope nodded, and then gulped and watched as Kelley smoothly spread out her knees, which were on both sides of Hope’s thighs._

_Hope took in a sharp breath when Kelley pulled down Hope’s shorts and put, well there was no denying what it was at this point, Hope’s dick in her hand. Hope quickly darted her eyes to Kelley’s face and watched her expression. Hope held her close but made sure to be able to see the girl’s face._

_Kelley’s eyes rolled back before she shut them completely. Hope felt Kelley’s hand guiding her as she entered deeper and deeper into Kelley. Inch by inch, Kelley’s clenched jaw relaxed more and more.When Hope couldn’t go in further, Kelley’s head was thrown back and her breathing was ragged. Hope’s strong arms held her close._

_It was the most arousing sight. And it ignited something animalistic in Hope. She wanted more. She thrust herself in and out of Kelley and only went harder when she heard the moans and pleas from the girl she was currently inside of. She couldn’t help contain her excitement that she was finally able to know what it was like to consume Kelley O’Hara for her pleasure. It was different. There was no more taking turns, asking if this felt good, and frustration at not being able to orgasm at the same time. This was togetherness and Hope wanted more._

_She could feel the orgasmic friction, wetness, and heat of the girl’s body, and her loud moans and breaths were only fueling Hope’s budding desire in her core. It felt so good to be able pleasure herself and her mouth and hands were free to kiss and grab the girl’s breasts. It was rough and choppy and unlike their previous love making. At one point, the driver’s seat was being pulled all the way down so that the two can climb into the backseat and Hope could enter Kelley with the girl’s back to her._

_Hope had this barbaric drive to orgasm and destroy, rather than please and caress. She bit down on Kelley’s back, her neck, sucked so many surfaces of the girl’s skin while she drove in and out of the girl. Kelley’s pleas and moan turned into ragged breathing and the occasional outburst for Hope to keep going._

_It was primitive and delicious and in that moment, Hope knew that this is what life was about. She felt the pleasure build from her core. In and out, in and out. She let the pleasure spill over and she yelled a ‘fuck’ as it spilled throughout her body and seared her eyes shut. It was an interesting sensation that she couldn’t control her mouth when she let out expletives as she orgasmed, and also couldn’t control the bodily fluids that escaped from her newly obtained appendage._

_Now, it was throbbing and in no mood to be touched._

_She crumpled onto Kelley’s body. She felt exhausted and absolutely content in the world. And sweaty. It was a feeling that she knew she would want again._

_“Um, you’re crushing me.” Hope looked up from her orgasmic daze and quickly pushed up to get off of the small girl underneath her. And then, Hope realized that Kelley’s expression did not match what Hope was feeling._

_The girl was avoiding eye contact as the two sat up. Kelley quickly looked around for her clothes, and quickly put them on. While Kelley was putting on her shirt, Hope pulled up her shorts which were around her ankles._

_“Did you...you know..?” Hope asked with a grin._

_“Oh yeah. Like three times.” Kelley said with a shrug._

_“Cool.” Hope was at a loss for what else to say. She could feel the awkward tension between her and the girl._

_“Um....did I do something wrong?” Hope asked quietly. She reached for the smaller girl, who seemed to shy away from her touch._

_“No.” It was said in a slightly higher than usual tone._

 

Hope sat up. A minute later, after her heartbeat had calmed, she laid down, embarrassed and mortified that her the area between her legs and her eyes were equally as wet.

 

\--

 

“What the hell am I supposed to do with you??” Marcus yelled as he got up from inspecting the front bumper. He whipped around to face his sister, who had her wrapped up hand on her hip and a bored expression on her face.

“What do you have to say for yourself??” He yelled again, but now in her face.

“Ummm...sorry..?” Hope asked. She clearly did not care, and Marcus clearly was about to choke his sister to death.

“What were you doing??”

“Joyriding.”

Marcus opened the car to make sure that everything was in order. And the first thing he looked at was beneath the seat. He uncovered the already opened vodka bottle. Hope gulped.

He held it up to inspect how much of the vodka was gone and for Hope to see. He walked over to throw it away.

“You know driving around with an unopened bottle of alcohol, that that’s illegal right? You could have put me in deep shit. You know that right?”

“What were you driving around with a liter of vodka anyway?” Hope asked with an accusatory tone. 

“God, Hope. I’m fucking disgusted with you.” Marcus said with a snarl.  
“Why are you avoiding the question?” Hope asked with a chuckle and disbelief.

“Hey!” Marcus closed the distance and grabbed onto Hope’s taped up hand. She winced in pain but stubbornly met his seething eyes.

“You’re the one that fucked up! Your hear me? Now I have to pay with MY OWN MONEY to fix your fucking mistake! And you don’t want even pretend to be sorry about it!” Marcus let go of her hand.

“Fine, I’ll fix it.” Hope said as she rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah?? With what money? God, you’re fucking drunk right now.” Marcus turned away at the sight of Hope’s bloodshot eyes, too afraid of what his body would do if he stayed near the situation. He marched to his car’s door.

“You’re fucking up you life!” He yelled over his shoulder.

“Oh give me a break Marcus! I’m not drunk anymore. I didn’t kill anyone! You don’t know what I’m going through!” Hope shouted back.

The older brother took a deep breath, and turned.

“I’ve given you a break Hope. I didn’t say shit when you skipped all those days of school because I thought that you would need some time. But this,” He pointed up and down at her, “I don’t know what this is. You take my car. You drive drunk. And, fuck, I don’t even know what you did last night.” Marcus put his hands on his head at the realization that there would be damage somewhere else.

“I hope you didn’t kill anyone last night, Hope Solo. But this shit you’re pulling, it’s not just affecting you. This bottle that was in my car, I found in mom’s room.”

Hope’s face dropped and her body went numb.

“Yeah. That’s what your little stunts that you have been pulling have been doing to her. You keep this up, and she’s going to go back to being like how she used to be when we were kids. SO FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT! ” Marcus turned back into his car and sped away.

 

\--

 

Hope spent the rest of the weekend in a weird brew of emotions. She looked down at her hand and realized that every movement she made with it caused her to wince in pain. She iced it, while she watched some netflix and occasionally pulled out her phone. She would open it, open a text message, and then close it back. She did it all afternoon. Sometimes she would go directly to Erin’s contact and then consider dialing it, but then talked herself out of it. She continued to munch on hot pockets and watch her trashy television.

CP: Come outside. I know you’re home. I see Kim Kardashian on your TV through your window. [12:43pm]

Hope groaned. She got up and looked out her window to see Christen Press flipping her off. Hope pushed her window open.

“Go away.” Hope shouted out in her usual monotone voice.

“It’s not a request, Solo. Get your ass down here. I won’t even make you put on decent clothes.” The keeper looked down at her plaid pajama bottoms and soccer shirt which had a red sauce stain on it from her snack. She rolled her eyes at the realization that the forward was not going anywhere and then dragged her ass down the stairs and out the house.

“What are we doing?‘ Hope asked. She realized how exhausted she was when she saw the spring in Christen’s step.

“We’re just talking. Chilling. Hanging out. Like friends do.” Christen said with energy.

“You’re too perky for me this early in the morning.” Hope groaned.

“Hope. It’s almost 1 in the afternoon.”

“Oh.”

They continued to walk aimlessly.

“I’m not going to ask how you’re doing, since I think by the look of it all,” Christen looked the keeper up and down and noticed the stain on her shirt, “ you’re feeling pretty shitty.”

“Thanks.” Hope said with a sheepish grin.

“Where’s your head at? Like, what stage of emotion are you feeling now since that..one night?” Christen asked.

“Umm. I don’t know. Uhhh..” Christen stayed silent as their feet continued forward and Hope wracked her brain. “ Pretty shitty. I still can’t believe that she would do that to me.”

Christen nodded and she looked truly sad.

“I’m really sorry, Hope. I...” She hesitated. “I feel responsible. For it all.”

“Why?” That threw Hope off.

“I just, had a feeling. Like, I had seen her hang out with him before.”

“Yeah, well, so did I. It’s not your fault CP. I mean... I had a feeling, too.”

“No, but. You don’t understand. I knew that they were talking.” She saw Hope’s face scrunch up. “I mean, not like that they were talking-talking, but I knew that they were texting. And one day, I saw her fussing all over him when we saw his bruised up face. And, I had....a feeling.” Christen finished lamely.

The keeper paused in her tracks. The forward followed suit. Hope turned to face the girl, put her hands on the girl’s shoulder and looked her square in the eye.

“This isn’t your fault. I knew she texted him, I knew they talked. This isn’t your fault. And you were the first one to tell me. So..” Hope sighed. “Thank you, for that.”

Christen felt her body sigh in relief and the weight of the world on her shoulders get lighter. The pair continued walking in silence for awhile.

“Can I say something, that you may or may not hate me for saying?” Christen asked shyly. Hope nodded.

“None of this feels right.” Christen said slowly.

Hope chuckled at the understatement.

“I mean, in the sense that what Kelley did...it doesn’t make sense. Like... you and I don’t know the whole story.”

“What does that matter, CP? She cheated on me!” Hope said with sudden force.

“I know, I know.” Christen said softly. She grabbed Hope’s hand to calm her down. Her eyes narrowed at the freshly wrapped right hand of Hope, but continued, “I know she cheated on you. That doesn’t change. At all. But...” She didn’t know how to explain it. They continued walking as Christen scrunched up her face and formulated her perfect sentence.  
“This isn’t like Kelley.”

“Chris! It doesn’t-”

“I know, Hope Solo. I hate her almost as much as you do right now. Trust me. But what I’m trying to say is that, I have a... _gut feeling_ that there is something else going on. That her behavior has something to do with her...dad.”

_Her dad. Dan O’Hara._

“Like, how?” Hope asked in confusion.

“Why did Kelley get kicked out of her house many months ago? ” Christen asked, excitedly. She challenged Hope.

“I don’t know, none of us know, CP. You know-”

“Well, Dan O’Hara thought that she was staying with my family this whole time. And then, one day my mom told him that he was staying with you. And HE FREAKED, apparently-”

“What do you mean by ‘freaked”?”

“I don’t know, he just got all weird around my mom. He thought she was staying with us. That’s the point.” Christen said excitedly.

“Okay...what does that have to do with-”

“HE FREAKED WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT SHE WAS STAYING WITH YOU.”

“Okay... and...”

“HE WAS COMPLETELY FINE WHEN HE THOUGHT SHE WAS STAYING WITH ME.”

“I’m not followin-”

“Jesus fucking christ, Solo.I swear, you’re not going to do well at Stanford.” Hope playfully swatted at Christen’s arm in response.

“Look. what I’m trying to say, is that,” Christen wanted to be really _careful_ with her choice of words, “maybe Kelley’s big fight with her family was about her feelings for you.”

Hope’s jaw was set, her feet were still, and her heart and her mind was going at a million miles per hour. The two stood still for a long while.  
“B-B-But. No. But Kelley only started to have feelings for me until aft......”

Oh.

_Oh._

 

Hope’s world went blank for a minute, and the next thing she realized that she was walking again and that her and Christen were walking by the ditch.

_So, all that time. The t-shirt pulling, the....Oh._

“So does it all make sense?” Christen asked quietly.

Hope just looked at her with her glazed and bloodshot eyes and nodded.

 

\--

 

The keeper knew that she was in a grocery store, and that her brother had dragged her useless self into said store, but her mind hadn’t quite caught up to the motions of the limbs attached to it. 

She heard Marcus mutter something about keeping an eye on her, but she couldn’t comprehend how a grocery store could help him with that.

Her muddled thoughts were interrupted when he pushed the cart into her hip and ordered her to find the “DAMN AVOCADOS, HOPE!”

She groaned and pulled the cart with her. She grimaced when accidentally hit her hand on the handle, and a few tears escaped from her left eye. The pain was starting to become a real issue. And dealing with issues was not Hope Solo’s forte.

She took her sweet ass time in pretending to look at the pile of avocados for the perfect one. In reality, she just wanted to get away from her annoying older brother. _He’s doing that weird hovering thing._ Now, she had some peace and quiet among the avocados to obsess over her and Christen’s Press theory.

 _What does that even mean? So what if they fought about me...Am I supposed to think that Kelley actually likes me? Does she actually like Adam? What am I supposed to do with this information, CP? And, what the fuck does a decent avocado look like?_ Hope realized that she may have looked like a maniac as her facial expressions adjusted to every question she fired out to herself. She picked up a random one and studied it, just to amuse the commoners.

 _I swear, Christen Press, you gave me more questions than answers._ Hope shook her head at the avocado and put it down in frustration, like the object was Christen Press herself.

“Talking to vegetables makes you look crazy, Hopey!” She heard a small voice that made her heart want to rip her heart out. She took a deep breath before she turned around.

“Actually, Jer, avocados are fruits.” She said with a smile. The little boy grinned and shrugged. Then he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“I’ve missed you, Hopey!” Hope closed her eyes so that the tears welling up wouldn’t spill over.

“I’ve missed you, little Jer.” Hope’s voice cracked a little.

“Hey! I’m not so little anymore!” Hope laughed as the boy finally let go.

“Why don’t you go to my games anymore? Kell bell is sad now.” Jerry asked innocently. Hope tried not to think about how sad her ex-girlfriend was.

“Because of your broken arm, you joker!”

“I get to get this thingy off in like...” Jerry counted out three fingers, “three days!”

Hope made a surprised face and her heart jumped a little at how adorable his little face was when he seemed to get a reaction out of the older girl.

“Ooo, you missed it, Hopey! Erin got in big trouble! My mom was yelling and she told her that she couldn’t come back to the house anymore.” Hope’s blood ran cold.

“Uh- Why is that Jer?” She was afraid of what she had just done to Erin O’Hara.

But the little boy just shrugged.

“Hey! Where are your parents?” Hope asked.

“I’m not with them!” Jerry said with a smile.

“Well then, who are you-”

She stopped when she saw the tall boy round the corner out of breath. “Hey little man! You can’t play me like that! I though-” Adam was out of breath, but he stopped when he realized who the stranger that Jerry was talking to was.

_Of fucking course._

“Hey..” Adam said slowly with his eyes wide like a deer in the headlights. 

“Hopey! Have you met my soccer coach? He’s awesome, he-”

“Yeah, Jer. I’ve met him before.” She effectively cut him off, not wanting to hear her favorite little guy talk about _him._ “Hey buddy, I gotta go.” Hope avoided the older boy’s stare and kneeled down and pulled Jerry into a hug. “Take care of yourself, okay kid?”

“When am I gonna see you again, Hopey?” the little boy innocently asked.

“I don’t know, Jer. Sometime. I promise.” Hope squeezed his arm and then quickly darted away, not wanting her tears to be seen. She walked even faster when she heard Adam call out her name.

 

\--

It didn’t matter to Hope Solo. The fight between Kelley and her parents, she decided that it didn’t matter, as she got out of Christen’s new car and with some anger vibrating through her, she looked up to see Kelley’s fucking obnoxious car parked a good distance away, as designed by Christen.

But what Christen didn’t think about, _fucking Christen,_ was that no matter which way they went, they would have to pass by Kelley and the multiple guys hanging around her car.

“I’m sorry! It’s too early in the morning for me to think!” Christen hushed at her friends, as they all took their bags out of the trunk. Tobin, Hope, Ashlyn, and Ali all decided to ride in Christen’s snazzy 04’ nissan to celebrate another one of them getting their cars, but they didn’t anticipate Christen’s poor decision making so early in the morning. The keeper tried to resist looking Kelley’s way, but she could feel Kelley’s stare. She knew that the random bouts of Kelley knocking at the door had died down within the past two days, and now Hope was feeling a little bit angry at the fact that it had died down. Which felt so odd, because before she felt annoyed and angry that she was doing it, but the absence of her persistence left the keeper equally as angry. There was no winning. And now she was staring at the girl who supposedly loved her a couple of weeks ago.

Kelley cautiously slid off the hood of her car and gave a small wave at Hope. It went unrequited as the band of friends continued to walk past Kelley’s car. Hope just stared at the ground.

“Hey, Tobs.” Adam’s voice sounded off from the middle of the group of guys by Kelley.

Tobin turned around and walked backwards and gave him and Kelley the finger. 

Ali let out a loud, ‘Ew, Fuck off’ before Ashlyn pulled her girlfriend by the hand and whispered a ‘simmer down, babe.’ Hope didn’t dare look up, but she could feel Tobin getting angry, something really rare.When the midfielder turned back around, she whispered, “Oh shit, did you guys see the trash bag around Kelley’s window??”

Hope’s stopped in her tracks.

She was thankful that the rest of her friend did too. But she was the only one not facing Kelley and the stupid jocks around her. She let her heartbeat pick up, knowing that there was no way that she could get any control of it. She slowly turned around to face the scene.

Christen Press quickly turned around at the mention of Kelley’s window and stopped in her tracks. She saw the black plastic bag billowing in the window and the shotty taping work that tried to keep the bag from letting any bugs in. Christen looked at the broken window, and then slowly turned back around. She met Hope’s eyes for a split second before she glanced down at Hope’s hand, and then back up at the blue eyes.

_Fuck._

Christen Press slowly turned back at the sight of window with narrowed eyes.

“Oh hey Pressy, you decided that you wanted that good dick?” Trevor called out. Kelley quickly hit him in the arm.

“Oh no. That’s what you have O’Hara for in that circle jerk you have over there.” Christen Press called back.

It was met with “Ooooo’s’” and “DAMNNN’s” from the girls and guys.

“Christen!” Kelley called out. She was more hurt than angry. And Hope stayed silent, but she couldn’t help but feel a little satisfaction at Christen’ wit. Tobin pulled Christen back by the hand.

“Oh c’mon, you think little Tobinha over there can please you like I can. Give it a chance! I got seven inches for you baby!” Trevor called out. 

Hope reacted first. And she didn’t mean to. She was getting really good at being in the back and being a spectator, but just like in goalkeeping, she knew when it was time to get off her line. She stepped forward before Ali and Tobin even had a chance, and she closed the distance between her and this unnamed jock she had never interacted with before. But he seemed to know who she was, and his eyes widened as she charged.

“Listen to me, you two pump chump,” And she growled so that only him, his friends, and Kelley could hear, “ I know it’s hard to wrap your head around the fact that that stupid excuse of a penis of yours hanging between your legs can do absolute shit for a girl, but keep your fucking mouth shut, and that 2 inch sac to yourself. DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME??” Hope had her taped up hand around his neck and had his back up to the beamer. The rest of the unnamed boys had all stepped back, unsure of what to do since Hope Solo was a girl.

“Yeah, shit...” Trevor choked out.

“Fucking stick to the crop you already have.” And Hope nodded at Kelley and for split second saw a flash of hurt in the girl’s eyes. But Hope didn’t care. “I’m sure you can stick it in there.”

Hope shoved him once more in the car and backed off.

“Stay away from Christen Press. Or your fucking face,” Hope pointed at Adam and looked him straight into the eyes, “will look like this guy over here.”

The keeper turned back around and heard the silence ensued. She looked up at her friend’s widened eyes. “C’mon guys, let’s go.” She said softly. And her friends followed her into the locker room.

 

\--

 

“Thank you. For all of that.” Christen said softly as Hope unloaded all of her crap into her locker.

“Hey, no problem. I know Tobin over there had it,” And Hope looked up at the midfielder who stood off to the side and was watching the two, “but I just HAD to say something.” Christen and Tobin nodded. When Tobin turned back around to put her stuff in the her locker, Christen grabbed Hope’s taped hand and gently looked down at it.

“What did you do?” Christen whispered with a sad smile.

Hope paused and looked around to see that no one was looking at the two.

“I did exactly what you think I did, Stanford.” Hope whispered back, but she looked down at her hand in Christen’s.

“Can we talk about this..later?” Christen asked. Hope nodded without meeting the girls’ gaze.

“CP! Walk me to my first class, boo thang!” Tobin yelled. Christen let go of Hope’s hand, shot Hope a small smile, and then laced her hand in Tobin’s before the pair walked out.

She left the keeper standing there looking down at her hands. She tried not to think about how Christen’s touch, albeit dulled from the tape and gauze that layered her hand, made her skin tingle and her stomach and chest hurt at the same time. It felt _incredible_ to have another girl’s hand caressing her own. Just a simple touch and Hope suddenly couldn’t breathe as she looked down at her two hands, wondering when she had become so addicted to being held and tugged at. When did she become so dependent on another person’s skin on her own. When did she stop being Hope Solo.

“Boo thang, are you going to walk me to class?” Kling stood there with her hand out to Hope and an expectant look.

“Fuck off, Kling.”

Hope went back to unpacking her locker and shook her head in amusement at the tiny defender who was laughing her ass off as she exited the locker cage.

 

\--

 

The whole gang had made it to lunch, and there was only thing that could make that possible. Stacy Press’ famous lasagna. The team have it every year at the Press’ house for their annual team dinner of their first home game, and word had quickly spread that the woman had whipped up a batch of the delicious, orgasm-in-your-mouth, dish.

Hope and Ashlyn pulled out the long foldable table from the backyard and carried it into the garage, while Pinoe and Tobin carried stacks of plastic lawn chairs from the shed and into the garage, as well. Ali, Kling, and Christen brought out the food and silverware needed to feed the whole bunch.

“FIFA!” Tobin yelled as she had a controller in one hand and an XBOX console in the other.

“I swear, I’ll put it back! Channing said I can use it whenever I want.” Tobin pouted when she saw Christen’s glare.

“Fine.” 

Tobin and Ashlyn excitedly found the plug in the garage and brought out the TV so that they could play while they ate. It was mostly Ashlyn and Tobin, but the rest of the girls grabbed the controllers once in awhile. Hope just stood back and enjoyed life as she watched as her friends laughed, ate, and had fun. Hope even joined in on the teasing when Kling realized that no, she didn’t in fact win the game, and she was the white team, not the blue one.

“This is fun. I’m actually kind of happy that Pinoe spread the word about the lasagna. It’s a good impromptu get together.” Christen said to Hope.

“Yeah. The whole gang is here. It’s a good thing to have the team in one place.” Hope said with a smile. She knew that in fact that was lie, and they were missing a crucial piece, but nothing could make the smile on her face fall.

“We should keep this party going. It’s a beautiful day,” She pointed at the blue skies and the bright sun that the open garage allowed her to see, “There’s a breeze coming through, good food, good people, good entertainment..” Hope said with a smile.

“No.” Christen shook her head furiously. “We will keep the party going, and YOU” she poked Hope hard in her chest, “are going to go back to school, because YOU can’t afford to skip any more classes.” She gave Hope a knowingly look.

“Fuck, CP, who cares about that? I can skip one more.” Hope waved her off.

“Hey.” Christen’s voice was soft and genuine. “I tried really hard to get Kelley to open up to me, and she never did. Please don’t do the same thing. Do you want to talk?”

Hope sighed, and then nodded. She got up from her chair and nodded out to the driveway. Christen followed her.

“Hey, where you guys going?” Tobin called up from her permanent seat on the floor.

“We’ll be right here, babe.” Christen pointed at the spot on the driveway where her and Hope could sit out of earshot from the rest. She waited for Tobin to nod and for her curious expression to go back to FIFA-ing.

“Do you want to talk about that predicament of yours?” Christen asked as she pointed at Hope’s hand. “Does it hurt?”

Hope nodded.

“Is it the skin? Or the bones, or the muscles?”  
“All of the above.” Hope unconsciously grabbed at the loose end of the tape and played with it. “I think the glass from the window tore up the skin really bad. And these have been taking a beating ever since that night you came to my house. So it hurts like hell.” Hope said quietly.

“Is it broken?”

“Don’t ask me that, CP. I don’t want to know. Not right now. Not when the college scouts are coming tomorrow and I’m actually going to play.” She looked Christen straight in the eye.

“Okay... so what college are you leaning to?” Christen asked, looking for a change of subject.

“God, CP, you just love talking about my favorite topics.” Hope said with a sarcastic grin.

“It’s my job, Solo.” Christen dusted off her shoulder.

“Well. Fuck. For a while I thought I would take a chance on Stanford because they’re a great program and I would love to live in California, but now I don’t know anymore....” 

“Because of Kelley?” Christen asked quietly.

“Because....I hate school, and it’s a smarty pants institution in which I couldn’t coast by trying to earn a sham of a degree. Plus...” Hope sighed. “Because I really only was considering it because of....yeah.”

“So what about Washington?”

“I actually didn’t think that the campus was all that bad. I mean, I know the goalkeeping coach because as you know, she’s the U17 one, and I mean, I have a relationship with her already. And the girls on the team seemed cool and chill when I met them. Plus, Dani said that she thinks I would be a great fit there and since she graduated, they’re looking for a new number one.”

“So... why not Washington?” Christen asked.

“Because I.” She really didn’t want to think about why. She didn’t know how to say it out loud. _Because I’m still not used to not having Kelley by my side. And I haven’t even gotten to the point where I can think about my life without her._ It was a simple thought to formulate, but she just couldn’t quite get it out. Christen seemed to understand.

“I get it.”

The pair sat in silence for a good few seconds while they listened to their teammates cheer on  
Ali who was about to beat Tobin.  
“How are you dealing...with all of it?” Christen asked.

“I’m not.” Hope said simply. And that was all that was needed to be said.

“How are you and Tobs? It seems like it is going well. Going to stick it out after graduation?” Hope asked with a smile.

“Geez. I’ll tell you what, Hope,” Christen laughed, “I have no fucking clue.”

 

\--

 

“Hey, idiots! I’m going to take Hope back to class. Any of you want to go back to school? You can stay here and keep the party going if you want.” The gang look disinterested as Christen asked the question to the room and continued FIFA-ing. Only Tobin jumped up to give her girlfriend(?) a kiss and a curious glance towards Hope.The midfielder watched as Christen and Hope drove off.

On the drive to school, Hope felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, but she thought nothing of it. She didn’t look at it until she was comfortable sitting in Mrs. Watt’s class at the back of the class, ignoring the lecture.

XXX-342-5903: Please don’t be mad at me for texting you. But I just wanted you to know that I’m not doing any of that with any guy for that matter. I love you, and I only want you. [1:15pm]

XXX-342-5903: I kno that you’re mad at me, but I can’t stop thinking about you. [1:15pm]

XXX-342-5903: I can live with the team hating me, but I don’t know how I can live with you hating me too. [1:16pm]

XXX-342-5903: I think about you all of the time Hope Solo. [1:21pm]

XXX-342-5903: I’ll tell you EVERYTHING if you just give me a chance. [1:24pm]

XXX-342-5903: Please message me. I need to know that you don’t hate me. I understand if you don’t love me anymore, but I just need you. Even if you’re yelling at me. I need you. [1:35pm]

 

“Yes, Hope.”

“Can I go to the restroom?” Hope asked.

“Yeah, if you tell me the answer to the problem currently on the board.” Mrs. Watt said, smugly.

“Uhhh.....4.” Hope said with some fake confidence.

She cowered as her teacher narrowed her eyes at her, suspiciously.

“Fine. You can go.” She waved Hope off. “Class, the answer is....4.”

Hope Solo didn’t even get to appreciate the genius work she had just pulled off because before she knew it, she was blowing chunks into one of the school’s toilet.

 

\--

 

“HOPE SOLO, YOU’RE PLAYING LIKE SHIT!.” Dani yelled with her hands on her hips as Hope stared at the girl from the ground. The younger keeper sighed.

“Where the fuck did that badass chick from a couple of weeks ago go to?”The older girl asked furiously.

“Now, get your ass up! And get on the line!”

Hope jumped up and awaited the 80 mph ball that about to be served into her stomach no doubt.

_Goalkeeping sucks._

 

\--

 

“Hey, what’s going on up there? You weren’t in it at all today?” Dani asked with concern as she ruffled Hope’s hair. The two were packing up their bags and water when Dani called it a day, ten minutes after the field players had exited the field.

“I’m sorry, dude. I didn’t mean to waste your trip out here.” Hope said sullenly.

Dani scrunched her face and hit the younger girl in the arm.

“Trust me, Hope. Training out here _with you_ is not a waste of time. I think it’s hilarious how much you don’t know about the potential you have to change the game.” The older girl said so casually.

It kind of threw Hope off.

“Whoa...” was all that Hope could spit out.

“Seriously, kid. You can go far. Like all the way. And making these 45 minute drives to train with you is not a problem. I kind of like that I’m going to be a part of this Hope Solo story and all.” Dani genuinely smiled at the younger girl as she started walking her way off the field.

“Whoa whoa. I’m just trying to learn off of you.” Hope said with a gulp.

“Yeah, yeah, Solo. So are you ready for tomorrow? I hope you’re not going to play like you did today...”

“I will be ready. I just will have to deal with.....shit. I will be ready.” Hope said with confidence.

“Cool. Anyways, I really freaking hope you don’t go to Stanford. It would kind of ruin what I think about you, if you did.” Dani said with a smile as she unlocked the front door to her car.

“Ugh. I have no idea what I’m going to do about that.” Hope rolled her eyes.

“You know, if this was any other kid, all of these colleges would have just stopped contacting you. You know that right? The only reason Press and O’Hara haven’t officially signed is because Ratcliffe wants to convince you all to sign as a package deal, basically.” Dani said bitterly. “It would be a media blowout if he was able to pull that off.”

“Yeah, well. I’m just me. So, gotta do things the hard way.” Hope said with a shrug, she started to turn away when Dani got in her car.

“Hey, do you have a ride or....”

“Um. Nah, I just walk home.” Hope said quietly.

“Get in. If you walk home, it shouldn’t be that far from here, right?” Dani asked as she turned the key in the ignition.

“Hey, no, I’m oka-”

“Just get in, Solo.”

Hope graciously accepted the offer and nervously jumped into the passenger seat. She tried not to stare as Dani furrowed her brow and yelled at one of the parents pulling out from a parking spot and almost hitting the nose of her car.

Amidst Dani’s road rage, Hope couldn’t help but feel kind of in awe at the girl who was taking her home. _She’s pretty. Really pretty._ The older girl was very different from Kelley. She was taller than Hope, had the same build as Hope, her skin was a mocha color, almost like Christen, and had blue eyes like Hope. And even though Dani was as outgoing as Kelley, it was a different kind in that her physical presence and the things she chose to shout and berate her field players (and Hope during practice) made you realize that you would never challenge this girl on the field, nor in real life. Even the way she was driving and yelling at people on the road, Hope couldn’t help but feel mesmerized and drawn to this commanding presence. 

With Kelley, it was different. She was a miniature ball of energy that you would mistake as fluffy and cute, which she was at times, but on the field, she had a bite, an edge, something that surprised you and threw you off balance. It was kind of the way she loved, too. 

“So, what’s going on with you and O’Hara?” Dani said without looking at Hope as she drove.

“Umm...” she thought about whether or not she should open up. _Why not?_ “She cheated on me with some guy.”

“Fuuuuuuuu. I’m sorry, Solo.” Dani looked at her with an expression that said ‘yikes.’

“Yeah....”

“I was wondering why she didn’t come over and join our extra practice time.” Dani said thoughtfully. “So....is she with the guy now?”

“I have no fucking clue.” Hope said in her signature monotone voice.

“Well, shit man.”

And Hope couldn’t help but feel like she had a really ally in the car with her now. And, she needed someone other than Christen Press to really talk to. So she kept going.

“Yeah, I haven’t really been handling it too well. It’s actually been really fucking me up. Turn left here.”

“How so?”

“I, uh. I kind of haven’t been taking care of my body. I just haven’t been dealing with it at all. I haven't’ spoken to her, and I don’t want to. And she’s been blowing up my phone since she got my new number. And now, I’m here with a scabbed up neck, a fucked up hand, and my stomach doesn’t know how to hold down the shitty food I’ve been eating BECAUSE I’ve been eating shitty food, and it’s what my body does when my mind can’t process any sort of extreme emotion.” Hope took a deep breath.

“I’m a mess. Turn right, and then the red one is my house.”

Dani put her car in park when the reached the destination.

“Fuck, Solo. Number one,” And the older girl raised a finger, “ you’re too young to be fucking everything up because of some boy and a foolish girl. Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck O’Hara is doing, but think of it this way. This dude, is getting to your game. He is. I saw it today. Block it out. Two,” she raised up a second finger, “take care of your body! I was wondering why you kept clearing the ball out with your left and not your right like you usually do.” 

“Let me see your hand.” Dani said, softly.

Hope shook her head and looked out the window.

“Solo, I’m not asking.” Dani said strongly.

“I don’t know what it looks like.” Hope whispered. She felt Dani’s strong hands take her right hand from her lap. She kept her eyes on her front door as the older girl, gingerly unwrapped the gauze.

Hope felt the cool air touch and sting her skin as Dani removed the last piece.

Silence.

“Solo.” It was so soft, and pleading, that Hope couldn’t help the tears that were starting to well in her eyes.

“Look at me.” Dani pleaded. It took a good minute and more pleas for Hope to face her

“You shouldn’t be playing tomorrow.” The older girl said with force.

“Don’t say that.” Hope whispered. “This is all I have.”

“Look at it.” Dani said as she held Hope’s right hand in hers.

Hope looked down at her hand. 

She couldn’t help but cry as she took in the sight of the purple skin and the deep and open cuts going every which direction. The back of her hand was swollen and seemed to, off. It was like one of the bones in her hands was shifted.

“You need stitches.” Dani said as she gingerly inspected the 10+ deep cuts all across Hope’s knuckles and back of her hand. “I don’t think the bones has been misaligned enough for surgery, but you definitely need a splint, Solo.”

“What did you do?”

“I punched through a window.”

“Of course you did, Solo. Whose window?”

Silence.

Dani just looked at the younger girl, like she already knew.

“You going to get in trouble for that?”

“No. Her older sister covered for me.”

“Shit balls, Hope.” Dani shook her head. “You’re not making things easier for yourself.”

“Please don’t tell Jill.” Hope was sobbing at this point. Dani just ran her hands through her hair and wiped at her face in frustration. She groaned out in frustration.

“Solo. You’re putting me in a really shitty position. You know that I can’t let this go” Hope threw her head back in defeat.

“But...” Hope sat back up. 

“This team shouldn’t be that tough. You shouldn’t have to do much tomorrow. But I swear Hope Solo, if something happens to you before you go to the doctor, which you will because I will make sure you tell Jill after the game, I’m not responsible.” Dani said with a stern look.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” Hope said as she grabbed Dani’s face and planted multiple kisses on her cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, now get out of here. I got a long drive back home.” Dani said with a grimace.

“I owe you one, Dani. I promise, I will repay you one day.” Hope said. It was a promise she could feel in her core. A debt that she would have to repay.  
“Decisions, Hope Solo. Life is about decisions. Make better ones. People won’t be as forgiving and understanding.” Dani said sadly. The younger nodded and then watched as she drove off.

 

\--

 

XXX-342-5903:I really need you right now. [8:23pm]

XXX-342-5903: Are you dating her? [8:27pm]

XXX-342-5903: Are we really over??[8:32pm]

XXX-342-5903: Hope. Please. [8:52pm]

2 missed calls [9:43pm]

 

_Life is about decisions. Make better ones._

Hope let those words replay over and over as the archaic phone buzzed obnoxiously on her desk. She had a pencil in her mouth as she hovered over her calculus book and wrote down the answer from the back of the book. At this point, Hope was just going through the motions of school, realizing that only four months were left in the school year. But she thought about her decisions.

All of them.

And there was one one of them that she needed to fix.

She picked up her phone, read all of Kelley’s messages, and then dialed the person she needed to talk to the most. She picked at the scabs on her neck while the phone ringed. She almost considered hanging up, but thought that she may as well just text her if she didn’t answer.

She was thrown off guard when she picked up.

“Yolo...?”

“Erin. I need to talk to you.”

 

\--

 

All of the bullshit didn’t matter when Hope stepped on the field. Kelley, Adam, School, her family, her hand, her deteriorating self, none of that mattered because she had a job to do. She went in with the mentality that that college scouts in the stands didn’t matter either.

She went through the motions with Ashlyn, doing their usual warm up sequence. Usually the two were really chatty, but there was no words spoken other than their usual commands to ‘go’ ‘kick’ ‘serve’ and the occasional exclamation of approval when a good save was made. Hope wasn’t there for Ashlyn’s club game when the UNC scouts came to watch her, but she knew that she would have helped her out during the warm up just as much as Ashlyn was helping her mentally now. It was an unspoken agreement that today was Hope’s day. Ashlyn even wordlessly helped her tape her fingers and wrap the gauze around her fucked up hand. Hope was grateful that the blonde keeper didn’t say anything, but she had an inkling that Ashlyn knew that Hope was not in the best shape.

When the two took a water break, they watched the opposing team warm up. Hope observed the striker that she was apparently supposed to watch out for. It was a skinny brunette girl who looked like there was nothing really to her. The two keepers watched as a player on the outside served a ball to the striker’s feet. Hope’s eyes widened at her explosive speed and the few touches she took before she swung it to her left foot and struck what had to be one of the most powerful shots Hope has ever seen, into the lower right corner.

“Shit..” Ashlyn said.

They watched her go around for four more balls. Always to her left.

“So she’s a lefty.” Hope said to Ashlyn.

“She likes to strike it low.” Ashlyn said in response. The two nodded in thought and continued to watch.

“Hey lazies! Coach wants you to get back to your warm up!” Ali yelled at the two before she threw a ball at Hope’s leg. The two got back to it after they chased Ali down.  
\--

 

Hope couldn’t really tell you much about the ninety plus minutes she played. She only remembered three moments, which was really surprising because announcers had always called her focus ‘world-class at such a young age.’

And she was. Lazer-focused. Her feet were in the right form, and the pain in her hand was dulled to a nagging 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. She knew that she was directing the back four with the right amount of authority and encouragement, and it was so smooth and effortless to have Hope Solo in goal. It was as if she never had a three game suspension.

But after that one goal got scored on her in the seventieth minute, Hope elected to have short term memory on all but the three moments. If she hadn’t, she was pretty sure that the skin on her neck would be gone, and her left hand would be in the same shape as her right.

She remembered that Alex Morgan was actually definitely not a lefty, and that the girl had a more powerful shot on her right foot. Her right foot liked to serve balls into the upper 90. 

She remembered Christen’s technical finish into the lower corner from a ball that was beautifully served in from Tobin.

She didn’t remember how Kelley had scored, but she remembered the look on her face when Kelley realized that most of her teammates were not quick to celebrate with her. And the whole jog back to the halfway line, Kelley was staring straight at Hope with longing eyes. She knew that she was seeking Hope’s approval, but at this point, the keeper had no idea how to approach the issue that was Kelley O’Hara. So she jogged back to her line and looked away when the kickoff ensued.

 

\--

 

“So. They can’t talk to you?” Mal asked while the team changed from their uniforms into comfortable clothing.

“Nah. I think it’s more of a formal thing to talk to the coach. I think there is a lot of rules about what they can do and what not. But I think that if your parents want to reach out to them, then they can talk to your parents and you.” Kling said as she threw on a shirt.

“Hmmm. Interesting. So they can’t even talk to you, Hope?”  
“No idea. I’ll let Jill handle it. But there not just here for me.” Hope shrugged. She made the mistake of looking in Kelley’s direction. Nowadays, it was always hard to look at the freckled face girl. Hope looked away.

“Hope!” The team heard Jill call out her name from her office. Hope quickly made her way there.

“What’s up, coach?” Hope asked with concern.

But Jill was all smiles.

“I got some good news.”

 

\--

 

Hope was exhausted. She had treated her cuts after the game and iced her hand for a good twenty minutes. She didn’t know if it was helping, but at least her hand was numb. But after that, her body was begging her to go to bed and skip the homework. She was sore and sweaty, but her joints and muscles were screaming at her to forego the shower for the night.

So she laid in bed and texted her mom a recap of the game and her meeting with Jill afterwards. The second she hit send, the phone dropped to her side, and Hope had drifted to sleep.

But the world hated Hope Solo.

And the sleep didn’t last long. It was two in the morning when a vibration on her hip had jolted her awake. She picked up the device and squinted at the small screen:

XXX-342-5903 is calling

_Fucking O’Hara._

She knew that at THIS moment, she was never as angry with the girl as she was now. She flipped her phone open and then closed it. She yelled in frustration.

 

_Life is about decisions. Make better ones._

“Ugh. Fuck you Dani.” Hope groaned at her empty bedroom. Hope forcefully opened her phone back again and then texted Kelley:

H: It wasn’t Erin. I’m the one who broke your window. [2:24am]

 

\--

 

Hope didn’t know who to blame for her instant insomnia. Maybe Dani, maybe Erin, maybe her own fucking self for texting back Kelley in a moment of exhaustion, sleepiness, and frustration. She had thrown her phone across the room the instant she had hit send.

It was a mistake.

Now her brain was wired. _Fuck. What is her dad going to do to me? Are they going to report it to the police? Would Kelley do that to me? I mean, I guess I technically deserve it... What is my mom going to say? Fuck, what is she going to do? Nevermind Marcus. He already thinks i’m a fuckup._

_Maybe, I can just ignore it. Pretend like I never texted her back._

She got the urge to scratch at her neck, throw a couple of object across the room, and even grab that Stanford shirt that was neatly folded in her closet and light it on fire.

But she did none of that.

She went for a run at this time of night. And left her phone behind, on purpose.

 

She was out of shape. She let Kelley and Adam take away the one thing she did manage to have control over in her life. Her lungs burned, and her calves ached as she finished the four mile loop without stopping, punishing herself for letting this facet in her life go as well. She desperately needed that cool down of the last .1 mile back to her house. And some water.

But her physical needs went unnoticed when she saw her on her doorstep.

It may have been close to four in the morning and the sky still dark, but even before Hope had reached her driveway, the hairs on the back of her neck told her that Kelley was there.

Hope paused on her driveway. when she saw Kelley’s figure stand up.

 _I’m not ready._ And she wasn’t. The run was supposed to be cathartic and draining enough so that she could fall asleep again.

 _How many times have I been in this situation with Kelley O’Hara?_ She let herself think about that night that they almost kissed in the ditch, and how far away it all seemed now. Yes, her heart was beating out of her chest, her skin tingled in anticipation of what Kelley was going to do, and her stomach was on edge. But those were all things Hope expected to feel when she walked closer to the girl. But, she didn’t expect to feel so scared.

“Hi.” Kelley softly whispered.

“You know, I almost forgot how your voice sounds.” Hope said as she stood a feet away from the girl with her body turned a little to the side, almost to guard herself. And it wasn’t a statement meant to hurt, it was just the truth.

“I couldn’t forget yours.” Kelley said. Hope could clearly see her face now in the moonlight. It was sad and sunken and it seemed as if the forward had aged a couple of years.

“So...I tried calling....A lot.” Kelley said.

“Yeah. Well I don’t have my phone...”

“I hope you don’t mind, I got your new phone number from Kling.” Kelley said cautiously.

And that statement made Hope laugh. Not maniacally, but softly and with a bite to it. _Fucking Kling._

“When do you ever care if ‘I mind’?” Hope looked at the girl expectantly, and she was little surprised when Kelley just nodded in defeat.

After a moment of silence, Kelley added, “You used to like that about me.”

“I _used_ to love that about you.” Hope delivered it with such force and stared straight into Kelley’s eyes.

“Used to?” Kelley whispered. She clutched at her chest and the expression on her face was enough to make Hope look away.

“Yeah. Anyways, I’m really sorry about your car. I can pay to have it fixed.” Hope said as she looked down and fidgeted with the tape on her hands.

“I don’t want your money.” Kelley’s voice cracked.

“Well, then...your dad can press charges. It’s fine with me. I accept full responsibility. Your sister didn’t have to do that for me. She should have never done that in the first place.” Hope said quietly.

She quickly jumped when she felt Kelley take her hands into her own. She was scared to move. Scared to find out what the consequences of her actions would be. And also, scared that Kelley was becoming her old self again and starting to take control of her mind and her body like she used to.

“Hope. I know Erin didn’t do it. I’ve known since the morning we woke up. The car is fine, I don’t care about that.”  
“How did you know it wasn’t Erin? Did she tell you it was me?” Hope asked.

“No.” Kelley said passionately, “She didn’t have to. The only thing missing from my car was your goalie gloves. And I know you!”

“What does that mean?” Hope asked in defeat. She was actually really fucking tired of assessing her character every day.

“Babe I-. Hope. I know you. I know you inside and out. And I know that when shit hits the fan, you destroy everything. That’s just who you are. You destroyed your phone, my car, your neck” Kelley gingerly touched the healing skin on Hope’s neck, “Your hand.”

_My life, my wood pieces, that damn fucking toothbrush, my stomach, my fitness, my attendance record, my calculus grade, my relationship with Marcus, his car, my chances at ever getting my car back, my mom’s sobriety, my fucking sense of self. And almost, my chances at playing soccer after high school._

“And, I’m not saying any of this to chastise you. I just want to say that I know you, Hope Solo.” 

Hope just nodded along, absorbing Kelley’s words.

“And thank you for telling me the truth about the car.” Kelley added quietly. Her eyes were glassy with tears.

“I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to destroy something of yours.” But tears fell from hope’s eyes first.

“I forgive you.” Kelley said.

 

 

 

 

 

“But, can you please forgive me?” She begged quietly after a few seconds of silence. Hope couldn’t look at the wet trails on the girl’s face.

The pleading, the begging, the calling of Hope’s name, and the way it was all roping Hope in, it was almost like they were in bed, but it was different this time. The strength of Kelley’s hold on a bunched up part of Hope’s sweaty shirt, the decreasing amount of distance between their bodies, and Kelley’s imploring gaze were melting the hard exterior that the past couple of weeks had molded for the taller girl.

She had tried to push past the girl, but the feeling of Kelley on her skin made her chest hurt and her inner thighs tingle, and overall it was too overwhelming to try to be strong. Because Hope Solo was just not strong. And all she could do was beg Kelley to stop.

“Kelley, please!” Hope urged her to let go, and Hope covered her eyes, not able to control the blend of arousal and weakness of her heart to resist this girl that she was in love with. Every plea was met with the sensation of Kelley’s hot breath on her cheek and the occasional brush of her lips on her skin when Kelley refused to listen to her and planted small kisses on her chest and neck.

Kelley successfully closed this distance between them and her arms and hands were all over the keeper.

_Fuck._

Hope knew that she wasn’t going to let go, and that this girl was going to kill her.

“Please, Kelley, I can’t do this.” Hope tried once more.

“Just let me explain, babe.” Kelley pleaded once more.

Hope just stood there with her hand over her face while this alluring and beautiful girl latched onto her body and with every passing second, her soul.

“FINE! FUCKING FINE!” Hope gave up. Resistance was in vain.

“Why the fuck should I forgive you?” Hope asked loudly. Her voice cracked.

She felt Kelley’s hand touch the skin underneath her shirt, and was grateful that it stayed put.

 

“Because I want to tell you everything. Everything, Hope. What happened with him, and what happened with my parents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	13. Overdose of Caffeine Mixed in with Insomnia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Damn, you’re a dick, O’Hara.” Kling said as she sauntered into the cage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK TON OF DIALOGUE.

\--

 

FOUR

“Honey, no! Not over there. We gotta go to that far field. Away from all of these boys.” The tall and lean man said as he tried his hardest to hold hands onto his firecracker of a daughter. She was bouncing up and down, kicking the ball at random objects and trying to chase down all of the bigger kids who came running near her with a soccer ball.

“No, baby. That’s her own ball. Yours is this pink one that your mom and I bought you the other day.” He said impatiently. He kicked the older girl her blue ball and put the pink one at his daughter’s feet.

“I hate pink!” The girl said with a scrunched up face as she whacked the ball with her toe and sent it flying onto some field with a lot of girls who looked like her age, but were wearing blue shirts, unlike Kelley’s red.

Dan O’Hara internally cringed when a coach had to stop her speech when a size three ball narrowly missed her nose and knocked her hat off of her head. The woman graciously went to fetch his daughter’s flying ball when she noticed the adorable tyke that was standing there with her mouth open. He quickly jogged over to apologize to the woman and not make her run all the way to him and Kelley.

“I’m so sorry! That’s why I brought my daughter to a club, so that she can learn how to kick with...control.” He shrugged his shoulders and the coach just laughed at him while she tossed the ball in his direction. The pink ball bounced a couple of times before he got to it. He bent down to pick it up, but he forgot that his little Kell-bell was within the vicinity. The instant that the ball bounced on the ground, Kelley’s only four year old thought was BALL. KICK IT. The little girl toe poked the crap out of it when her dad bent down to pick it up.

She watched with her mouth wide open as the ball soared in the air, farther than she has ever sent it before. She never knew she could do something like that. She watched as it flew high. 

And then hit a girl right in the head, causing said girl to fall to the ground.

“Kelley Maureen!” Dan yelled at his daughter as he rushed over to the little girl. 

“Sweetie, I’m so sorry! Coach, my god...I will get out of your hair, I promise!” He hastily reassured both of them and offered his hand to the girl, who just scowled at him. He didn’t know that it was possible to be scared of a four year old, but he cowered the _tiniest_ bit when she grabbed the ball in her hands and turned around to find the kicker.

“Who kicked this??” The frighteningly tall child yelled before she threw the ball into the ground in a fit.

Dan felt his little baby tug onto his t-shirt and then grab his hand, and nuzzle into his right leg as the other girl looked at her.

“Hopey. She didn’t mean it.” The coach said as she tried to soothe the tall child.

“Say sorry, Kell-Bell.” Dan O’Hara said as he nudged his daughter forward. She resisted the first few attempts by her dad to get her to step forward,, but then eventually, she timidly shuffled forward.

“I’m sorry.” She softly said. The little girl nervously grabbed a bunch of her red t-shirt and avoided eye contact with the tall gil.

Awwwww’s erupted from the coach and the parents nearby.

“Say ‘it’s okay’ Hopey.” Coach ordered.

“But she hit me!” The tall child yelled. Kelley quickly attached back to her dad.

“Hopey! Say that it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.” Kelley said again, this time from behind her dad’s leg.

Hope just ran off to the middle of the group of girls in purple t-shirts, but not before she stuck her tongue out at the girl that had knocked her silly.

“I’m so sorry.” The coach offered to Dan.

“Oh no. We are sorry. I will get her out of here. But, can you tell me where field 4 is? She’s already late to her practice.” He said with a guilty grin.

He thanked her as she pointed to a field all the way on the opposite side of the park.

“C’mon Kell-Bell. Let’s hustle. We gotta head over there with your teammates.” He had trouble pushing the little girl along this time. He had carried the ball, hoping that the remaining distance would be easier this way. But the girl seemed put out and scared, a complete 180 from her uncontrollable spirit just minutes before.

“What is it baby?” 

“Daddy. That girl scares me.”

“She’s just having a bad day, baby. It’s okay.”

“Daddy. She’s mean to me at school.” She said as she tugged at his t-shirt so that he would stop walking. But he pushed her along, after he looked at his watch. They were now ten minutes late, and he was getting more and more impatient at how slow his four year old daughter’s brain worked to form sentences.

“Don’t worry about it baby. Don’t let her push you around.”

“I know, daddy,” Kelley said as she ran to keep up with her dad as he dragged her by the hand, “But she’s so scary.”

 

\--

 

EIGHT

“That’s a pretty ball.”

“Thanks. My daddy bought it for me.” Kelley said as she swept her bangs out of her face.

“You have a lot of freckles.”

“You have really pretty blue eyes.”

“Thanks.” Hope Solo said shyly. She kicked aside her old and ratty ball and then leaped for Kelley’s ball. She managed to toe poke it away before Kelley could react. She dribbled away with it, towards one of the empty goals before she heard the little girl’s feet stomp dangerously behind her.

“Hey! Give me back my ball!” Kelley yelled as she elbowed Hope in the shoulder and tried to win the ball back. Hope quickly stopped the ball with the sole of her foot and watched as Kelley flew past her. The little girl, too fast for her own body, couldn’t stop herselfwhen she realized the taller girl had stopped. She took a tumble and and rolled into the grass. Little Kelley dramatically sprawled onto the grass and waited for the other girl to tend to her.

“I wasn’t trying to steal your ball.” Hope said quietly as she ran over to the freckled face girl. She held out her hand, and was delighted that Kelley had taken it. “I was just trying to play with you.”  
Hope passed the ball back to Kelley’s feet, looking a little guilty and sad that no one wanted to play with her.

“But you’re mean to me.” Kelley said with her head down.

“Nuh uh!” Hope scowled. She kicked the Kelley’s ball into her shins out of anger.

“See! I’m going to tell on you!” Kelley said as she jogged to get her ball.

“I’m just trying to be your friend!” Hope yelled. She was close to tears, but her face was bunched up and her hands balled up into fists.

“Friends don’t kick each other. And you always steal my books!” Kelley shouted at the girl.

“Because you told Christen that I lost my front tooth. You made fun of me.” Hope wanted to go and find her own ball again. “I just wanted to know what you were reading.” Hope said quietly as she turned around and ran to it when she spotted the ball. Hope dribbled and kicked the ball to the other side of the field, too upset that her classmate had just yelled at her. She started shooting the ball into the goal while she waited for her coach to arrive. She waved at her dad who was standing on the sideline, beaming at her.

She lined up shot after shot. Everytime the ball hit the back of the net, she would sprint to the ball and then line it up again so that her dad could see her shoot another one. It wasn’t until she made eight shots that she felt her shirt being tugged at from behind. She turned around to find Kelley looking shyly at her.

“Can I shoot with you?” Kelley timidly asked.

“Sure.” Hope said after giving it a second thought. And they took turns, one after the other. Kelley was too afraid to hit Hope while she was in the goal retrieving her ball, so she waited until the girl had cleared the area and then took her shot.

“Coach said that you have to shoot with your laces. And not your toe, because then you’ll break it.” Hope said.

“Like this!?” Kelley quickly ran up to the ball and whacked the ball with her laces, sending the ball into the low right corner.

“Exactly!” Hope said excitedly. “Here, let me play goalie and you can shoot on me!”

 

\--

 

Kelly tucked her jersey into her shorts at her coach’s order before she started juggling with her maroon ball with the word ‘Stanford’ on it. She squealed with excitement when she managed to juggle it ten whole times.

“Christen, I did it! Watch!” Kelley unsuccessfully attempted to do it again three times before Christen stopped paying attention to her and tried it for herself. When Kelley’s ball hit the ground, cutting her off at 6 for the umpteenth time, Kelley looked up at the girls entering on the other side of the field in blue jerseys.

“Christen! We’re playing Hopey’s team!” Kelley jumped up and down and waved so that she could get Hope’s attention.

“Kelley, don’t talk to the competition!” Tobin said in a hushed voice

“Toby, she’s not competition! She’s my best friend!” Kelley got impatient standing in her spot and then ran over to Hope when she spotted the girl’s ponytail. Kelley only had one speed, and that was a full on sprint. So when she made contact with Hope from behind and wrapped her in her arms, it was safe to say that Hope was a little shaken.

“Hi, Hopey!” Kelley shouted with excitement into the back of her best friend.

“Hey Kelley.” Hope wriggled out of Kelley’s arms, but her smile was so wide that Kelley took no notice of how uncomfortable her friend was with physical contact.

“Do you want to pass with me??” Kelley didn’t even wait for Hope to respond and grabbed Hope’s hand to pull her away from the crowd of her teammates. She kicked Hope’s ball to her feet and the two passed the ball back and forth and giggled about things that only eight year olds could giggle about.

“Hey coach! I think we found a stray!” Hope’s coach yelled across the field.

“Kelley! Come over here kiddo!” Kelley looked up to see her coach beckoning her to come back to their side.

“I have to go back over there.” Kelley said sadly.

“No don’t leave!” Hope pleaded.

“But Hopey, we are enemies in this game.” Kelley said.

“So are you not my friend in this game?” Hope asked and Kelley could see the budding anger in her expression. 

“I’ll always be your friend.” Kelley smiled at Hope and hugged her tightly. She held her tall friend until she felt her wrap her arms around her, too. 

“But we’re gonna win, Hopey!” Kelley called back over her shoulder when she sprinted back to her coach, who looked like she was about to strangle the little child.

++

 

And it wasn’t really fair. At least that’s what the parents were thinking.

Hope Solo was taller, faster, stronger, and just overall more developed than every other girl on that field. Every time the ball touched her feet, it was a goal. Her fifth one happened in the eighth minute of the game when she was put back in defense. A teammate of hers had passed it to her, and Hope had weaved her way through all of the red-jerseyed players, including Kelley, who managed to knock Hope down in the box, but by the time both of their bodies hit the ground, the ball from Hope’s serve into the low corner of the goal had hit the back of the net.

“Are you okay. Kelley?” Hope asked in a panic. She shot back up in a hurry and helped her best friend back up. Kelley roughly pushed her off and went back to her position at kickoff, and Hope, having never seen Kelley upset, sulked all the way back to her defensive half of the field.

Kelley O’Hara was on a mission. She pushed and elbowed girls, even some on her team, to get the ball. Her speed stood out amongst her peers. She dribbled all throughout the midfield and was hungry for a goal. She didn’t know what the score was, but she knew that her best friend had absolutely murdered the scoreboard, and she couldn’t handle losing. For her, it didn’t feel good. Especially since she was losing to Hope.

After two more goals scored by Hope, and two egregious fouls committed by a very pissed off Kelley, the coach put Hope into goal, hoping to neutralize the situation. After that, the game was competitive. After that, Rush FC team players could pass more to Kelley, who managed to dribble up and down the field beating every single player.

The second half saw nine shots on goal by Kelley. She was furious every time Hope stopped it. And if you thought, Hope was a phenom on the field, she was even more so in the goal. It provided an exciting second half because it was beautiful shot after shot, and brilliant save after save.

It wasn’t until there was two remaining minutes left in the game, when Kelley’s efforts were rewarded. Tobin passed the ball to her and Kelley’s little legs carried the ball up the middle. She pulled a scissors move for the first time in her life and beat a first defender. She cut the second girl, and then she had a good amount of space in front of the goal and in front of Hope. This time, she didn’t dare look her best friend in the eye. She closed the space quickly and then, before a defender could close in on her, she shot the ball as hard as she could. Just like all of her other shots on goal they went straight to Hope. But this time, the power from Kelley’s swing was unprecedented, and Hope Solo was just not ready for it. The ball bounced hard off of her shoulder and knocked her off of her feet. Hope closed her eyes when she heard the ball meet the net.

The crowd went wild. ABSOLUTELY WILD. Parents from both teams cheered and little Kelley O’Hara got her first taste of glory. Her teammates all mobbed her and gave her hugs and high fives. Kelley’s face split in half with the wide smile on her face as the crowd cheered her on, and the most spirited parents blew their airhorns and whistles.

She was about to run back to her half for the kickoff before she looked back at the goal she just scored on. She saw her best friend with a glum expression on her face as she rolled the ball up the field for the kickoff. When Hope noticed that Kelley had stopped in her tracks to check on her, she gave her a small smile. Hope was surprised when Kelley ran to her and than gave her another hug for the day.

The crowd went wild with Awws and applause. The parents couldn’t have known that these two were actually newly established best friends, and to them it seemed like the sweetest act of sportsmanship and a cinderella story for the losing team.Yeah, Hope owned the scoreboard, but every parent in the crowd, from both teams, couldn’t help but feel the satisfaction from Kelley’s lone goal for her team.

“Good job, Kelley.” Hope said as Kelley clung to her. The tall girl was still upset that her best friend scored on her, but she couldn’t help but feel a little proud of her best friend.

“I did it Hopey! That was my first goal. EVER!”

“You did it!” Hope said as she jumped up in excitement.

Kelley waved to the crowd when she sprinted back to her spot for the kickoff. As soon as the ball was put back in play, the ref had a good mind to call the game, wanting to leave the game on a positive note for the children.

\--

TEN

“You’re kid is an elite player.” 

“Yeah she is!” Gerry Solo boomed as he watched his daughter beat three fourteen year old players and put the ball in the back of the net.

“No, sir. I’m serious. I’m the director of GVFC. I think you need to consider bringing your daughter to the ODP centers. She may be too young to try out, but she isn’t too young to train.” 

“You’re telling me, that my little baby Hope is good enough to make it to those fancy expensive training places?” Gerry said in disbelief as he pointed to his daughter.

“I’m saying that she will only be challenged if she goes and trains at that level.” 

“You hear that Marcus! Your sister is more athletic than you!” Little Marcus just grunted something to himself.

Gerry looked this bald man with an english accent and a GVFC polo on, up and down. He seemed legit.

“How much does it cost?” Gerry asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Tell you what, come to my office. We can fund Hope’s ODP training fees. Let’s talk about it.” 

 

++

 

“Hopey! Can you please grab the cooler by the fridge?” Dan O’Hara yelled from outside. He was busy loading his wife’s minivan with the canopy and chairs for Kelley’s team. Every weekend, he would heave this heavy cargo in and out of the the minivan, and every weekend, it was a challenge for him to make it all fit. It took him five minutes, and he turned around to call for Hope, but his mouth quickly shut when he looked down to find the girl already by his side with the cooler by her feet.

“Thanks, Hopey. Are you strong enough to lift it in there?” He asked playfully. Dan was actually a little surprised when Hope picked up the heavy cooler with her knees and handed it to him. 

“Whoa there. I got it.” He struggled to lift it into the van, but he didn’t dare let Hope see it on his face. “Where’s Kell-Bell?”

“She can’t find her jersey. So she’s in her room looking for it.” Hope said.

“Ugh. You have your jerseys right? Did your mom and dad pack it? You’re going to sit with me for the first game, but I think yours is right after Kell’s.” Dan asked.

“Mr. O’Hara, I pack my own bag. But yes, I have it with me.” Hope patted the backpack strapped to her back.

“Okay, missy. Do you think you can rub some of that responsibility skills onto my daughter? Can you go upstairs and help her?”

“Mr. O’Hara, it’s a war zone up there. There is no helping that.” Hope said simply before she opened the side door to the mini-van and got in. Dan chuckled at the little girl’s response and headed back into the house to go find his firecracker.

 

\--

 

ELEVEN

 

“Did you run all the way here??” Kelley whispered with her eyes wide open. She closed the door very slowly so that she wouldn’t wake up her parents.

“Yes!” Hope was so out of breath that she was doubled over on Kelley’s porch.

“Water!” Hope yelled.

“Right! Stay here. And keep it down, my parents are going to sleep!” Kelley hushed before she went back in to get a glass.

Hope gulped down the glass and gently laid it on the ground before she laid flat on her back in the grass of their lawn. Kelley quickly joined, but she laid on her side, her body right next to her best friend.

“What’s wrong, Keeper?” Kelley joked.

“Don’t even joke Kelley.” Hope said with the roll of her eyes. At that statement, she started scratching her neck. “I don’t know if I even want to be one yet.”

“Whatever, you’re only eleven years old and you diving like this, and like that” Kelley motioned with her hands, “My dad says that you’re so good.” Kelley absolutely beamed with pride.

“Kelley, can I live with you?” Hope asked suddenly. Kelley quickly jumped up in excitement.

“Oh MY GOSH, yes! We can have waffles together in the morning, we can drive together to school, and now I can dress you up in the mornings!! OH MY GOSH! It will be fun! We already sit next to one another. Then we can...” Kelley excitedly clapped her hands and she plotted all of the fun activities for her and Hope.

“What’s wrong with how I dress?” Hope looked down at her clothes as she sat up from her position. 

“Ooo and then we can watch movies every night and then we can do homework together. Ooo and then you can have family dinners with me!” Kelley started jumping up and down and then hopped onto Hope’s body to give her a hug. The two friends laid in the grass, looking up at the stars while they fantasized about living together as best friends.The forgot about the time and the world. 

But reality hit the two hard when they both heard Kelley’s front door open. They froze.

“Hey runt, mom and dad are loo-” Erin stopped in her tracks.

Hope cringed inwards when she felt Erin scan her up and down.

“Solo. What are you doing here?” And Erin’s voice seemed to go up high in pitch with her eyebrows.

“Erin! She’s going to live with us! It’s going to be sleepovers everyday!” Kelley said excitedly. Erin looked at her with a sympathetic look before she looked at Hope, who resumed her furious neck scratching.

“Hopey! Stop! Your neck is bleeding.” Kelley pulled Hope hand down from her neck and held it while she told Erin to get a band aid.

“Kelley.” Hope sighed when she looked down at her friend holding her hand. “My parents are fighting again.”

 

\--

 

FOURTEEN

Tobin Heath waited impatiently to the side of the long line of people waiting to get their movie tickets. She fidgeted with the new hat that her dad bought her in her hands while she waited for her friends who were, she looked at her watch, fifteen minutes late. They were supposed to be here to support her and help her break up with her boyfriend. He was a great guy, but her heart was just not in it, and she had spent the last weeks, fending off her concerned and bewildered friends who said that she was ‘lucky’ to be dating Adam Wright.

“Sorry, Tobs. Kelley took forever to get ready.” Christen said, knocking Tobin out of her intensive thinking.

“No I didn’t!” Kelley retorted.

“Yeah she did. She was too worried about if Brian would like blue top or her green top. And then she got into an argument with her older sister about it.” Christen said with a smug grin.

“Guys! You aren’t here for a date! You’re here to help me break up with my boyfriend!” Tobin said with a little impatience.

“So then just text him. Why waste a movie ticket?” Christen said with an exasperated expression.

“Uhh, because we are not just here for Tobin.” Kelley said as she pointed at her cute outfit and light amount of lip gloss that her mom put on her.

“Kell. I need your help. Control your boy crazy pants for a second. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, guys.” Tobin said with a panic.

“Why are you so scared? He’s a jerk anyways.” Christen said with narrowed eyes.

“No, Chris. He’s awesome. He likes soccer almost as much as I do. It’s just not working out anymore. Crap! They’re here.” Tobin hid behind Christen when she spotted the group of boys that had just gotten dropped off in the front of the movie theater.

Completely unaware of how uncomfortable Tobin was, Kelley waved at the approaching boys.

“Hey, KO.” Brian quickly came up to Kelley and gave her a one armed hug. The two started chatting, while Christen watched Tobin and Adam interact closely. The couple hugged and talked about normal stuff, while Adam offered to jump in line and buy their tickets. She effectively ignored the boys who were not paired up with a girl, and observed and waited for Tobin to bring up the breakup. She had to listen to Tobin Heath moan and bitch about this for the last weeks, and she was ready for it to happen.

Christen bit her nails when they were in line to get popcorn. At this point, the other two boys had abandoned any attempt to talk to her, and Kelley was animatedly talking to Brian since they had gotten their popcorn first. And Tobin, she still had not brought it up. Christen could tell from her body language, that she was going to chicken out.

 

Adam paid for their popcorn and then grabbed Tobin’s hand. Christen shuddered at the sight, and don’t ask her why she did it. Because in reality, she couldn’t give you a reason. Only that, she thought that she was helping a friend out.

“Tobin wants to breakup with you!” Christen yelled all of a sudden, scaring the group of people she was with, and the many bystanders. No one spoke for a moment, and Christen could only hear the hustle and bustle of the crowd, and Kelley choking on her popcorn. Christen noticed Brian pat her on the back, and then slyly leave his hand trailing her lower back and..below.

 

Tobin Heath just cringed when Adam slowly let go of her hand and look back and forth between her and Christen.

“Is that true?” he said quietly.

Tobin glared at Christen before hesitating and then turning to face him. She struggled to get the words out.

“Okay, Brian and I are going to go see the movie so..” Kelley said quickly before she grabbed the boy by the hand and they quickly sprinted off. The other two boys quickly followed, leaving the couple and Christen staring at each other.

“I’m sorry, Tobin. I was trying to help you out.” Christen said as she avoided the girl’s eyes and looked around at all of the people milling around the lobby.

“Can you just butt out?” Adam said aggressively.

“No, it’s the reason I’m here.” Christen said simply.

“Chris, can you just give us a second?” Tobin asked with a set jaw and seething eyes.

 

++

 

Unsure of what to do, Christen Press just waited on one of the benches right outside the movie house that was playing the movie that she bought a ticket to. The movie must have been at least fifteen minutes in, and she was in no mood to see it. Her mom was going to kill her for wasting the eleven dollars spent.

She regretted blurting it out. Well, honestly, she half-regretted it. She knew that Tobin was never going to do it without a little push, but also that she shouldn’t have done it in that way. She put her head down and rolled her eyes at herself.

Christen pulled her phone out of habit when she had nothing else to do, then decided to facebook message her friend who was out of the country.

Christen Press: You’re missing a bunch of drama [8:23pm]

Hope Solo: There’s plenty of drama here. What happened [8:24pm]

Christen Press: Tobin is breaking up with Adam RIGHT NOW :p [8:24pm]

Hope Solo: .....I leave the country for a week, and toby and adam break up???Waaaaaaaaaaat? [8:25 pm]

Christen Press: Yeah miss national team, you’re missing out. And Kelley is on a date with Brian. While I’m sitting here alone on a bench. Lol [8:26pm]

Hope Solo: Wen did Brian and Kell happen.....? [8:26pm]

Christen Press: Idk the minute he asked her out. Like two days ago probs. Ya kno KO. [8:27pm]

Hope Solo: I c.   
Ive called her like 5 times.  
Well what are you doing on a bench? [8:30pm]

Christen Press: I’ve been exiled. Halp me. [8:30pm]

Hope Solo: I’ll trade you spots. Next up on my schedule is morning session for three hours. Then break. Then 2nd field session for an hour. Then GK sessions for three hours. You down? [8:31pm]

Christen Press: No. Bye. [8:31pm]

Hope Solo: Fine. But I know you guys will be in the next camp. I know it. [8:32pm]

Christen Press: I wish... [8:33pm]

 

Christen looked up from her phone when she saw Kelley walk past her, alone.

“Hey, missy! What are you doing?” Christen asked with furrowed brows. Kelley just turned around and faced her, but she seemed deep in thought. The freckled face girl just sat next to her best friend. Christen nudged her a couple of times before she successfully knocked the girl out of her trance.

“What happened? Are you okay?” Christen asked quietly.

“Yeah. Yeah. It was just...weird.” Kelley enunciated the last word.

“What was? What are you talking about?” Christen asked, her interest now piqued.  
Kelley turned slowly to face her.

“He kissed me.” She said slowly. Christen squealed with excitement, but it quickly died when she noticed Kelley’s lack of enthusiasm.

“It’s your first kiss. Shouldn’t you be happy?” Christen asked, confused. Her questions was met with momentary silence.

“I should be, shouldn’t I?” Kelley asked thoughtfully.

 

++

 

Kelley and Christen power walked throughout the lobby and scanned for the missing leg of their tripod.

“So you’re just going to ditch him while he thinks you’re in the bathroom?” Christen asked while she tried to stifle her laughter.

“Yes.” Kelley said simply. “Oh! There’s Tobs!” 

“She’s still talking to him.” Christen said quietly. They both slowed in their tracks and hid behind the guys booth where the ticket takers usually stood ground to make sure you didn’t sneak into a movie. Now they had to kill time to wait for Tobin.

“Have you talked to Hope? I told her that both of you were on dates except my lonely self” Christen said with a pout and a laugh combined.

“WHAT? You told Hope about me and Brian?” Kelley asked in a hushed whisper.

“Yeah... she didn’t know. I’m surprised you didn’t tell her.”

Christen noticed that Kelley seemed to squirm.

“I don’t know. She’s just busy being miss national team. She doesn’t have time for me anymore.” Kelley said sullenly. She started picking at the hem of her green top.

“Are you two fighting? She said you haven’t been answering her calls.”

“No! Did she say we were fighting?” Kelley asked in a panic.

“No, I’m asking.” Christen was secretly loving that she was in the middle of all of it. “I’m just saying, why wouldn’t you tell your best friend about kissing Brian.”

“You’re my best friend, too.” Kelley said.

“Okay, fine, your _other_ best friend.” 

“I’ll tell her on my own time. No meddling, Christen Press.”

 

\--

 

FOURTEEN

 

“WHOA WHOA WHOA” the parents went crazy and were up and out of their seats in seconds the minute Hope decked out the older player onto the ground. To be fair, it started with the other girl pulling her by the ponytail and Hope landing on her back. But without skipping a beat, Hope had sprung up, calmly tapped the girl on her shoulder to turn her around, and then her first landed on top of the girl’s nose.

“DAMN!” Kelley yelled from the sideline next to Hope’s dad.

The ref immediately put himself between the girls, but a handful of parents were on the field. Gerry Solo just looked on with wide eyes and a little smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Hope was shown the red card, and her coach immediately carted her off the field and gave her a good chewing on the sideline while the other team subbed a player on for the girl who was being taken care of by some medical staff.

“Hey coach, you should teach your player a little bit about sportsmanship and being a decent human being!” The visiting coach yelled from the sideline. Gerry heard that from across the field, and decided that since his daughter did it, he might as well join in on the fun.

He didn’t regret recreating his daughter’s actions, not even when the local police handcuffed him and carted him away. The reason being that his only daughter smiled at him before he got in the squad car, satisfied that her dad protected her and most importantly, no one was talking about her anymore. 

“Kelley, text Hope’s mom what happened. She’s on her way anyways.” Gerry yelled.

“Hopey! You can’t let it get to you! You can’t lose your cool! Or you’ll end up like your old man.” He chuckled. before they closed the door on him. _Heck, why not make it a life lesson?_

 

\--

 

FOURTEEN

“What did I tell you?” Hope asked with a huge grin.

“You told me that I could do it!” Kelley screamed with excitement and then ran straight into her best friend, knocking the wind out of her. But the smaller girl continued squeezing her best friend around the waist. The excitement and adrenaline that coursed through her veins started to settle when she nuzzled into Hope’s goalkeeping jersey. _Tide and sweat. That’s what my best friend always smells like._

“I said ALL THREE of you could do it. And look what happened.” Hope said with a smug little grin.

Hope eased into the hug that she had no chance of getting out of. She decided to give in this time, and hold Kelley close while they both silently celebrated her getting put onto the national team roster.

“Kell, you know I don’t like hugs.” Hope grumbled, but with a smile, after twenty good seconds of Hope and Kelley time.

“It doesn’t matter, Hope. Because I like them.” Kelley said quietly as tears of joy came spilling out of her eyes.

Hope Solo just held the girl closer when she felt the wet spots on her t-shirt touch the skin on her chest.

 

\--

 

FIFTEEN

“Mom. Seriously. You’re being stupid!” Kelley yelled from the top of her stairs. Erin was by her side, and for once _on_ her side.

“Kelley Maureen!”

“C’mon mom. Yolo’s dad freaking died.” Erin yelled down. “The least you can do islet Kelley see her!” 

“Which is exactly why I’m not letting your sister go over to that house. That family needs space and respect, and they don’t need to be worrying about Kelley at the moment.”

“I just texted her and she said that she wants to talk to me!” Kelley pointed at the phone in her hand.

“I don’t care Kelley. That mother doesn’t need to worry about accommodating another child right now.” Karen O’Hara said with finality in her voice.

“I HATE YOU!!” Kelley yelled with all her might and then stormed into her room.

“Seriously mom. You’re tripping.” Erin said before she sauntered back into her own room.

Er: What’s Yolo’s #? I wanna tell her im sorry [6:14pm]

Brat: XXX-XXX-XXXX. Moms insane. I hate her so much. UGH. I want to stab her in the eye. [6:15pm]

Er: Just sneak out later. Ill help u. [6:17pm]

 

++

Kelley laid in her bed, too angry to come down for dinner and see her mother. All she wanted to do was comfort her best friend, and she was being so unreasonable. Kelley cried herself to sleep at the frustration and helplessness at the situation. She hatched a plan to sneak out with Erin and take her car, which was restricted to just going to school and back, in the middle of the night, go and visit Hope. But for now, she let her face ache from all of the crying and her body slowly drift into a slumber.

She was suddenly pulled awake when she felt a sting on her cheek.

“OW!” She held onto her cheek, wide awake and staring wide eyed at the shadow of a figure, hovering above her.

“Get up, brat! It’s time to go!” Erin hushed.

“Did you just slap me??” Kelley yelled.

“Shhh!!!” C’mon. We gotta go. The parents are asleep.”

Kelley rubbed her cheek in a dramatic fashion, while she scrambled to find her shoes and Erin was already down the stairs.

“Wait for me!” Kelley hushed. They navigated the downstairs in the dark, and Erin squinted her eyes, looking for which set was her keys hanging on the wall.

They both froze, when the light suddenly turned on.

“Where do you think you two are going?” Dan O’Hara said.

Erin shielded Kelley from view.

“Going to Hope’s house. Like we are supposed to.” She said defiantly.

The oldest daughter and dad glared at each other in a standoff for a long moment. Kelley clung onto her sister’s jacket from behind, and only peeked around her shoulder to see her dad frozen and with a menacing face.

The two daughters stood frozen when Dan O’Hara took a few steps in their direction. _Crap, Crap, Crap._ Was all Kelley could think. They wordlessly watched him grab his set of keys from the hooks above Erin’s head.

“Let’s go.” Dan O’Hara said before he opened the door.

 

++

 

“You don’t ever show up to someone’s house in this situation empty-handed, okay?” Dan said softly as they stood by the bakery in the grocery store.

“What do you mean, dad?” Kelley asked as her and Erin picked out a few donuts and put them in a bag. “Ooo! This is Hope’s favorite, get that one Er.” Kelley pointed at the double chocolate fudge donut.

“Well, hon, this family is grieving, right?” Dan asked patiently. His daughters both nodded.

“Well, sometimes a gift, can show people how you feel. And can make them understand that you are there to support them.”

“Gotcha.” Erin nodded her head in understanding.

“Now go pick some flowers. I’m not good at that stuff. Something pretty.” Dan said as he nodded his head to the area of flowers on display.

 

++

 

“Judy.. I’m...” Dan struggled with the words.

Judy Solo just took him in for a hug. When she pulled away, she smiled in delight at the sight of his two daughters carrying flowers and pastries.

“I know it’s really late, but these two really wanted to see Hope. If...she’s up to it...”

“Come in, come in!” Judy wiped the tears off of her face and fixed her guests, well one of them, a cup of coffee in the kitchen, while the two daughters hugged Hope in the living room. At the sight of guests, Marcus just excused himself and listened to his Ipod in the backyard.

“I can’t even come up with something witty to say. I’m so sorry Solo.” Erin said as her and her sister clung onto the tall girl. Hope didn’t respond, but just squeezed her arm. The older sister gave her and Kelley some space and later joined Judy and Dan in the kitchen.

“I brought you a donut, Hopey.” Kelley said shyly.

“Thanks, Kel.” Hope chuckled through her tears. “But I’m not too hungry.”

“Okay! What can I do? I mean I know you must be feeling shitty and all of that. And I felt so bad that I couldn’t come earlier. My mom was being a bitch and she wouldn’t let me come see you. Then Erin and I had this plan to sneak out and come see you, but my-” She stopped when Hope raised her hand.

“Just be with me, Kelley.” Hope said sadly. The keeper sat on her couch and patted to the spot next to her.

“Always.” Kelley plops herself next to her best friend, grabs her hand, and rests her head on her shoulder.

There were no more words exchanged. Whenever Hope would break out into more sobs, Kelley would just tighten her grip on her hand and her embrace around Hope’s stomach. It was exhausting and depressing, but Kelley couldn’t help but feel how inappropriately happy she was that Hope was begging for her to hold her.

They both fell asleep on the couch and ended up with Kelley nuzzled into Hope’s neck and her arm across Hope’s stomach.

Dan O’Hara couldn’t help but feel his heart lurch at the sight of his daughter taking care of another human being. Also at the fact that comforting Hope just seemed to be instinct for Kelley, something he didn’t need to teach her.

“I don’t want to disturb them. Can I just have Erin pick her up at 7 tomorrow morning?” Dan whispered to Judy.

“Of course! She’s too good to my daughter. She’s welcome anytime.” Judy whispered back.

 

\--

 

FIFTEEN

 

Sydney Leroux received the ball at her feet, looked up for a split second, dribbled to close the space, and then let it rip into the upper ninety. She put her hands up to celebrate, but then put her hands back down with her mouth wide open when Hope Solo appeared out of nowhere and punched it away.

“Who the fuck is this girl?” Sydney said in disbelief.

“That’s Hope Solo.” Tobin said with a huge grin on her face.

“Yeah, and who the fuck invited her?”

“Calm down, Syd. She’s on our team now.” Christen chuckled while she continued juggling. They were all shooting on the new keeper before practice and before the coach arrived.  
Out of nowhere, a fiery ball of freckles darted across the eighteen yard box and knocked the new keeper to the ground.

“SOLO!!” Kelley screamed into the girl’s ear while she laid on top of her. When they both got up, Hope couldn’t hide her grin.

“Oh yeah, and now be prepared to witness this nauseating friendship.” Tobin said to Sydney while she juggled the ball effortlessly.

“What do you mean?” Sydney asked.

“Just watch.” Christen said as she rolled her eyes.

 

++

 

They were up 2-1, Rush FC vs Elite United. But they shouldn’t have been. In terms of performance, Elite was kicking their butt. They dominated possession, high pressed the shit out of the defense, and had effectively shut down Kelley and Christen up top. The only reason the scoreboard looked the way it did was because Hope was in goal.

One of Elite’s midfielders broke away from Sydney, who sprinted at full speed to recover, but got beat again when the midfielder did a quick scissor move and her first touch was into the box. Hope positioned her feet, met the midfielder’s eyes for a couple of seconds, and then dove when the shot came into the lower left corner. Hope felt the ball touch her fingers and then hit the post. She was so certain that it was going in, but the vibration from when it hit the post woke Hope up, and she looked to see that the ball was spinning back out in front of the mouth of the goal. She scrambled and launched her body on top of it when she saw that two attackers from the other team were charging her.

The final whistle blew.

“Okay.” Sydney jogged over to her keeper and then doubled over while she gasped for air. “I like you, Solo.”

Hope just smiled and fist bumped her new teammate.

 

++

 

“Wait, who is this chick again?” Tobin asked lazily.

“Carli! It’s my dear friend from the U15 camp right before you guys got called up!” Hope said excitedly as she put on her cleats by the sidelines and among the many bags of her teammates.

“Your ‘dear friend’? Hope, who says ‘dear friend’?” Tobin chuckled and kicked up the ball to juggle while Hope started to tape her fingers together, a ritual that some one the older girls taught her from national camp.

“Well, Kelley says that I can’t call anyone else my best friend.... So I call Carli my dear’ and it kind of just stuck. But I love that girl.” Hope said as she put her her goalie gloves on and the joined in with juggling with Tobin. “Yeah, but i’m super bummed that she didn’t make the roster. She’s so good. I told her that I better see her again...”

“Well what do you know, we get to play her today.” Tobin said with a grin as she volleyed it back to Hope. They got an impressive round of 107 straight volleys to each other before a loud yell of ‘Solo!’ ripped through the air.

“Carli!!” Hope sprinted into the girl’s arm and jumped onto her so that her long legs wrapped around the girl’s waist.

“Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hope be so...happy.. To see someone..in her life.” Christen said to Tobin. The team watched as Hope brought Carli into another hug 

“It’s her ‘dear friend’ Carli.” Tobin said with raised eyebrows.

“Oh that chick!” Christen exclaimed. “KO, you got some competition for Hope’s affection.” She wiggled her eyebrows and poked a very still Kelley.

“Shut up, Chris.” Kelley mumbled. She brushed off Christen’s joke and then wordlessly got into a partner volleying with Tobin.

“C’mon let’s go meet this Carli before Hope starts making out with her.” Sydney joked and pulled Tobin along.

“C’mon, KO! Let’s go meet her dear friend!” Tobin urged. 

“I gotta go put my shin guards on.” Kelley motioned back to her bag while Tobin joined the circle of friends surrounding Hope and Carli.

Kelley drank some water from her jug and then furiously grabbed her shin guards to shove them into her socks.

“Hey are you okay?” Christen asked cautiously.

“Yeah. Why?” Kelley said with her nostrils flared and her eyes stabbing Carli Lloyd with imaginary daggers.

 

++

 

“Hey, what was that?” Hope pulled Kelley by the shoulder to turn her around as the team jogged to the sideline for halftime.

Kelley just shrugged her off.

“Hey. What is going on with you?” Hope asked, a little alarmed at how Kelley’s behavior.

“Nothing!” Kelley finally turned around.

“Then why did you hit Carli in the ankle when she didn’t even have the ball, kid??” Hope yelled and raised her hands up. “I mean you could have seriously hurt her!”

“Why THE HELL do you even care about someone who isn’t your teammate?” Kelley shouted back.

“Kell.” Hope grabbed Kelley’s wrist before the small girl could turn back around. “Stop. She’s my friend. And you almost broke her foot or ankle!”

“You know what, Solo? You’re not my mom.” Kelley said before she turned back around and avoided the many curious and exhausted glances of the rest of their teammates.

Christen watched with narrowed eyes when Hope completely ignored their coach and jogged over to the other side to Carli. Christen observed Kelley watch Hope ask Carli a question and then fist bump her before she came jogging back to her own team. Kelley just rolled her eyes.

 

++

 

“WHAT THE HELL, THAT WAS ALL BALL!!!” Kelley yelled as the ref showed her a yellow card, and then a red one.

Carli just slowly got up from her spot on the grass, rubbing the area on her cheek that made not-so-accidental contact with Kelley O’Hara’s elbow.

Kelley walked off the field, still yelling something over her shoulder. Hope watched from a distance, so confused at what had gotten into her best friend.

 

++

 

The goalkeeper took her friend into a long hug, before they parted ways.

“When am I going to see you next?” Hope asked sadly.

“When I get back on the national team. It’s going to happen, Solo.” Carli said with a wink.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to that. I miss you out there.”

 

++

 

Kelley and Hope waited by the fences for Kelley’s dad to arrive. They were sweaty, quiet, and fuming. The goalie knew better than to bring up the game so early, but she was also kind of peeved at Kelley’s sudden and unexplainable vicious and hostile behavior. Everyone knew the forward was competitive, but she was never malicious. And for some reason, she was targeting Hope’s friend during that ninety minute game.

Hope made attempts at small talk, but they were all met with grunts and Kelley’s turned back.

“Whatever, Kelley.” Hope grumbled.

“You know, maybe you can cool it with siding with the enemy.” Kelley said with narrowed eyes.

“You know, I told Carli so many great things about you the last time I saw her. I told her you were the sweetest girl I know. And my best friend. Where did that Kelley go?” Hope retorted back.

“Whatever.” Kelley checked her phone for any message from her dad. None.

“It just goes to show you how loyal Hope Solo really is.”

And it stung. It really did. Enough that Hope didn’t talk to her for a couple of days.

 

++

 

“Hey, why haven’t I seen Hope around?” Dan O’Hara asked his middle child who was sitting at the kitchen table with her phone in her hand.

“Because dad, I fu-messed up.”

“Oh no. What did my firecracker do?” 

“Dad, I’m too old for that nickname.”

“You’re never too old for me, Kell-Bell. So what did you do?”

Kelley sighed and divulged the recent events. The more she talked about it, the more stupid she thought she was being.

“Why would you treat her other best friend like that? It sounds like Hope was excited for you to meet her?” Dan asked with his eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t know...I just got...mad.” Kelley ran her hands through her hair. This was the real question, one that she just didn’t know the answer to.

“Maybe you were jealous...” Dan took that moment to sip his morning coffee.

“Why would I be jealous?? I’m not jealous.” He internally chuckled at himself for setting a mental bomb off in his daughter’s head.

“Maybe because you’ve never seen Hope be so close to someone who wasn’t you...” Another sip of coffee.

“No. Dad. No. I mean. No.She can. She can be friends with whoever she wants. I mean I don’t own her.” Kelley had her arms crossed at this point.

“Then why else would you get mad at this specific girl?” Dan asked. He smiled as he saw the mental cogs in his daughter’s brain start spinning, and he got up and put his mug in the sink, letting her sit there in silence.

\--

 

SIXTEEN

 

The keeper watched with venom in her teeth, ready to spit it out with words as she watched Danny Byrd hold Kelley’s books in one hand, and the girl’s hand in the other. She internally mocked Kelley’s laugh when she saw the forward flirtatiously laugh at something _that’s not even funny_ and put her other hand all over the boy’s arms.

“I don’t think I like any of Kelley’s boyfriends.” Tobin said in Hope’s ear, scaring the taller girl. She thought that she was alone, but her midfielder friend had appeared out of nowhere.

“That guy’s a toolbag.” Hope said in between gritted teeth.

“Yeah well, i’m sure Kelley will drop him like she does with all of the others.” Tobin said with a shrug.

“Who are we stalking?” Ashlyn suddenly appeared at Hope’s side.

“Danny and Kelley.” Tobin said simply.

“Oh. She hasn’t dumped him yet?” Ashlyn asked, confused.

“Right!?”

“What are you guys talking about? They look totally in love.” Hope said. She didn’t know why she felt so sad. Maybe it was because she knew that her friend deserved better.

“Nah Nah Nah.” Ashlyn shook her head. “She always complains about how he rubs his boner on her during lunch and how his mouth feels like a vacuum when they kiss.” That earned a few laughs amongst the three.

“Wait, Ash. Has Kelley seen said boner?” Tobin asked, a little intrigued.

“Chris said that she’s gave him a handie one time when he begged for it at homecoming a few months ago.” Ash said simply.

“Oh right! I remember that!” Tobin said as she chuckled.

Hope _almost_ forgot about that.

“What are we talking about?” Christen Press appeared out of nowhere by Ashlyn’s side.

“Kelley being a little slut for Mr. Byrd over there.” The blonde keeper pointed in the couple’s direction.

Hope was getting increasingly annoyed with the topic of conversation.

“Ah I see.” Christen said as she looked over at Kelley. Christen met Hope’s gaze for a small second before she said, “Yeah, I think they’re going to break up.”

“Or..” Tobin roped her teammates in, “She’s going to fuck him like she said she was going to.”

She let that statement settle.

“WHAT?!?!” Christen, Hope, and Ashlyn all yelled in unison.

 

++

 

“Why don’t you tell me things anymore..” Hope said quietly.

“I tell you everything, Hope.” Kelley chuckled as she scooted closer to her best friend as everyone filled in their usual table at lunch.

“When were you going to tell me that you and Byrd were going to have sex.” Hope looked around at everyone and made sure that no one could hear their conversation. She observed Kelley’s body freeze for a couple of seconds, take a deep gulp, and then avoid Hope’s stare. “I never said I was going to. I haven’t made up my mind.” The forward said quietly.

“But why did you tell Tobs and not me that you were thinking about it.”

“Because I know what you’re going to say.” Kelley grabbed Hope’s bicep to keep the girl grounded, and to keep her from getting up out of her seat.

“Which is...?” Hope pushed. She felt the sting of her best friend’s fingers on her arm, but she chose to ignore it.

“You’re gonna tell me not to do it. That it’s a mistake, and that I deserve better.”

“Is it a crime that I think you deserve better??” 

“No!” Kelley made the grip on her best friend’s arm tighter. “It’s just that I think that   
I’m ready.” She finished quietly. The two looked around at their friends chatting about other topics and eating their food.

“Well if you’re ready, then I support you.” Hope said before she stuffed the pizza in front of her, into her mouth. She didn’t meet Kelley’s eyes when the girl kissed her on the cheek.

 

++

 

“So, how was it?” Christen excitedly squealed when she noticed her front door open. It could only have been Kelley coming back from her date night.

Christen Press looked up from the TV show currently playing and sprang up in horror to see her best friend with a tear stricken face. She held her close and shooed her nosy mother away.   
After the fourth attempt to get anything other than sobs and sniffles out of Kelley, Christen abandoned her quest for information and resorted to stroking Kelley’s hair and holding her until they both fell asleep on the couch.

 

++

 

“Did he hurt you?” Hope asked.

“No. It wasn’t like that.” Kelley said as she threw her stuff into her soccer locker.

“So, you never said no at one point and he kept going?”

“No, Hope! It wasn’t like that!” Kelley said, her frustration was at an all time high. Her response was met with momentary silence.

“I’m just trying to help, kid. I want to know what happened, and why Christen called me, freaking out.” Hope said quietly.

“Well, maybe you two should stop gossiping about me!” Kelley angrily yelled.

“I care about you.” Hope said simply.

“Why, Hope? It’s not like you’re my boyfriend! I can take care of myself.” Kelley threw the last bit of her stuff into the locker.

Hope just wordlessly and calmly walked out of the cage with her fists balled up on her side.

“Fuck.” Kelley whispered. The tears were about to spill over.

“Damn, you’re a dick, O’Hara.” Kling said as she sauntered into the cage.

Kelley couldn't even disagree.

 

++

 

SEVENTEEN

“Yolo?? Who is this?” Erin said with her eyebrows raised. It seemed like she was bursting to say something, but was holding back when she saw Hope Solo sitting at a table in front of the shops with a very cute looking boy, who looked to be Erin’s own age.

“Oh, hey Er! This is Robbie, Robbie, Erin.” Hope said with a blush. She internally cringed at the shit eating grin on Erin O’Hara’s face as she introduced herself to Robbie.

“So Robbie, are you Hope Yolo’s boyfriend?” the older girl asked while she wriggled her eyebrows when she enunciated the last word.

“Ummm, well Hope and I were in the middle of disc-”

“You know what Er, we _really_ need to get going. So we will talk later. K?” Hope grabbed the mysterious boy by the arm and dragged him away, leaving Erin with a mischievous grin. Her phone was out in two seconds, and a text sent to Kelley in four.

“Omg, why didn’t you just say no to her question??” Hope hushed to him when they rounded the corner of the shops.

“You didn’t let me finish! I was just going to say you and I were discussing about my break up with my boyfriend!” He hushed back.

“Now, everyone’s going to think we’re dating...” Hope said with a roll of her eyes.

“Hey! I’m a fucking catch! You’d be lucky to be mistaken for my girlfriend. I may not be number one goalkeeper in the country, but i’m like...fifteenth.” Robbie said with crossed arms.

“Plus, maybe it would get some guys off my back if they thought I was dating a chick.” The boy said with his own roll of the eyes.

“Yeah, that would go well, your 20 year old ass dating a seventeen year old. Paul would kill you when he gets wind of this ‘relationship’ of yours.”

“True. Sorry Solo, we can’t be together.”

 

++

 

“Thanks for letting me sleep over.” Kelley said sweetly as her and Hope hopped into Hope’s bed.

“Of course, kid.” Hope said through a yawn. The keeper felt the exhaustion slip into her bones and was thankful that the lights were already off. She was already nuzzling into her soft pillow.

“Hope, can I ask you a question?” Kelley’s voice managed to reach Hope’s ears.

Hope just groaned.

“Erin said that she saw you with a guy earlier today. Said that he was cute.”

“That’s not a question, Kell.” Hope’s eyes were still closed.

“Are you...talking to him?” Hope could tell that Kelley was timid in the way she asked.

Hope thought about lying for a second. But just for a second.

“No, Kell. I’m not talking to anyone.” She decided to go with the truth. She always told Kelley the truth, why stop now.

“Do you wish you were talking to someone?”

“No. What’s with all of the questions so late at night?” Hope asked with a chuckle.

“We just never talk about you and boys. I just wanted to know...why that is.”

“I don’t know. No one interests me, I guess.”

“No one?” And it seemed like Kelley was a little hurt, but Hope thought she was just imagining it.

“This is too serious of a talk. Can we pick this up in the morning?”

And Kelley couldn’t refuse because Hope was literally seconds away from passing out.

“Wait!” Hope’s eyes jerked awake from Kelley’s sudden outburst. “I’m cold, so let me snuggle.”

The forward burrowed underneath Hope’s arm and laid her head onto Hope’s shoulder. She let the keeper’s body heat lull her to sleep.

 

++

 

“Dad, I’m seventeen. Almost everyone drives themselves to practice already. I’m the only loser who doesn’t have a car yet!” Kelley dramatically groaned from the passenger side seat.

“Yeah well guess what, when I was your age, I saved up three thousand dollars and bought my own car. Maybe you should think about doing the same thing.”

“That’s so not fair. When you were my age, you didn’t play club soccer and play for your country...”

“True...Let’s stop talking about this. You’re not getting a car. And if you do go to Stanford, we can just get Erin to give you her car.”

“UGH. Whatever!” Kelley pouted in the driver’s seat the rest of the way to the fields.

“Dad! Can I have a car?” Jerry said from the backseat.

“Not until you’re thirty bud.”

“Yay! That’s not too long from now!”

 

++

 

“Hey, stop pouting about not getting a car.” Dan warned Kelley. They were both sitting underneath an umbrella, watching Jerry’s practice. 

“But it’s not fair!” Kelley said as she looked up from her phone.

“Kelley Maureen. I didn’t raise my daughter to be a spoiled brat.” Dan said with a glare.

“Dad! I don’t have time for a job. I don’t have time to be a normal kid! Erin had time to have a job at my age and that’s why-”

“Then don’t worry about what you can’t control. Just worry about your grades, getting into college, and then we will go from there. But right now, your old man is going to be taking you everywhere.” It was met with a teenage groan. “Hey, I won’t get to see my Kell-Bell much longer. You’ll be going to California soon.” He said sadly.

The two fell silent for a moment.

“HEADS UP!”

Dan ducked, while Kelley looked up for a ball to head out of instinct. She jumped from her chair and sent the size four ball back into the field.

“Yeah KO!!” Jerry’s coach yelled from the center of the field.

Kelley dusted off her shoulder and gave him a thumbs up before she took her seat in her lawn chair by her dad. She sat there for a few seconds before she realized that her dad was staring at her.

“And NO boys. They’re stupid.” Dan said with a warning.

“You can’t tell me who to date dad!”

“No, but I can tell you IF you can date. Which the answer is no.” Dan sat back in his chair. “And you’re too good for this guy here.” He pointed at Adam.

“Ew dad. I’m not even interested.” Kelley went back to texting, clearly annoyed.

“Good. Because I’ve seen him around. I don’t like him. Who are you texting?” Dan craned his neck to see her screen, but she quickly hid it.

“I’m texting Hope! You’re so annoying!” Kelley yelled.

“Good.” Dan O’Hara sat back in his chair, a little more relaxed, knowing who his daughter was talking to.

 

++

 

“How was practice?”

“Good, did you see my goal??” Kelley asked excitedly as her and her dad walked to their car.

“I did. Remember Kell, always empty the tank on the field. Push yourself even when you’re tired.”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“So why wasn’t Hope at practice?”

“Remember she doesn’t actually play for us. Plus now she’s just working full time with her ODP trainer on the side. I swear, those coaches just bend over backwards for her.” 

“Ah I see. I see. Well she is a hard worker, and she’s pretty damn good.” Dan chuckled at his understatement.

“Hope’s amazing. I love her.” Kelley said quietly.

Dan stopped in his tracks. _Is this it? Is this the moment?_ He panicked for a second, but then he slowly turned to his daughter, who had stopped when he did.

“I know you do, Kell.” He said quietly as he stared her straight in the eye. He saw something flash across her face. He couldn’t decipher it, but when she looked away quickly, he resumed his walking.

They didn’t say another word to each other the whole ride home.

 

++

 

_Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Did I do it too soon?_

“Hey babe, can you turn off the reading lamp?” Karen said sweetly before she kissed him goodnight and got into bed. Dan stood there for a second while he digested the words that pulled him out of his intensive thought. _Turn off the...oh._

“Yeah, I’m going to get glass of milk before I head to bed.” He called out. He turned off the lamp and then headed to the kitchen to be alone.

He was surprised to see Kelley standing there by counter in the dark. He paused for a second, feeling like he got caught, but then poured himself a glass.

“Dad, c-can I talk to you?” His usually loud and energetic daughter was now a meek little girl.

_Fuck. I screwed it up. I did it too soon._

“Of course, Kell.” He stood by her and watched her struggle to form words.

“Earlier, when you said something. When you said that you knew that I....loved Hope. W-what did you mean by that?” Kelley asked, quietly.

_Shit._

“I just meant that I know how much you care about her.” Dan opted for the safe choice of words.

“Oh. So..you didn’t mean anything else by it?” The daughter was looking at her feet now.

“No. Was I supposed to?” He hated how much higher his voice was.

“No! I was just wondering. Night.” Kelley’s eyes widened at his question, and she quickly moved her feet to get out of the room.

“Wait!”

Kelley stopped in her tracks. She turned around slowly.

“I lied.” He said.

“You lied?”

“Yes.” Dan wiped the frustration from his face. Kelley stood frozen in her spot. This was overall too weird.

“I did mean something by it.” He said quietly.

_This could go really wrong._

“What did y-you mean by it?” The girl’s eyes were like a deer caught in headlights.

_Might as well..._

“Well Kell, you tell me. Do you...” He took a big breath, “love Hope?”

“Well, yeah she’s my be-”

“No. I mean, are you... _in love_ ” with her?”

He watched as Kelley’s face changed from cautious to scared in a millisecond. He stayed quiet as his beautiful baby broke down and panic set in her face. He only closed the distance between them when the tears started flowing down her face and the sobs escape from her mouth.

“It’s okay, It’s okay!” He said as he gathered her up in his arms.

“Is it that obvious??” Kelley asked through the many hiccoughs and sobs coming from her.

He just chuckled while he pulled his daughter in closer and let her tears soak up into his t-shirt.

“I’ll always love you.” He whispered into her ear. “No matter what.”

 

++

 

Dan trudged up the steps to his driveway after he slammed the door to his car. His job was probably the worst stressor in his life, and he wanted to just quit it. _Five more years, Dan. Think of the children._

He unlocked the front door, and his exhaustion was put in the back of his mind when he heard yelling from the kitchen.

“HEY! What’s going on??” Dan yelled to see his middle child and wife arguing with red faces.

“You told her?!?!” Kelley yelled at him. _Crap._

“Yes, your father told me. Kelley, I love you. We can fix this.” Karen said as she held Kelley by the shoulders.

“This isn’t something you can fix mom!”

“Whoa whoa, Karen. Hold on.” Dan said in disbelief.

“Dan. I called a specialist today. He can come by and he can help us.”

“Help us with WHAT?” Dan was trying really hard not to lose his cool.

“With the problem Kelley has.” Karen said simply.

“I don’t have a fucking problem!” Kelley was distraught and her tears were already making trails down her neck.

“Karen.” Dan glared at his wife. “We will talk about this later.” He guided Kelley out of the kitchen, and when they were out of earshot, she wriggled away from his touch.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???” Kelley cried. “I told you that in secret!” Kelley pushed her dad off when he pulled her into a hug.

“Kell, she’s your mother.” He said quietly.

“I HATE YOU!” Kelley shouted. “ YOU’RE MY DAD! Now mom is telling me that she wants to send me to some loony camp if I don’t see this special doctor of hers!”

“NO! That’s not happening. I’m going to talk to your mother.”

“Why the hell should I trust you?!? It was humiliating! She called me disgusting! You told me that you would always be there for me!”

“AND I WILL BE!” Dan shouted

“No! You sold me out. I hate you! Don’t touch me!” Kelley ran up the stairs when Dan tried to pull her in for a hug.

He spent the rest of the night angry at his wife, arguing hours on end in their kitchen. They were so caught up on their differences, that they didn’t know that Kelley went missing from their house until the morning.

 

++

 

“Daniel! How are you?”

“Stacy! I’m...alright. How are you?? How is Christen? She’s my favorite. She’s going to Stanford, like the smart girl she is!” Dan pulled her in for a hug and the two caught up.

“Daniel, you need to eat more. You’ve lost so much weight since I last saw you!”

“Yeah, well. This job is horrible.” He said simply. _Oh and my daughter hates me and my wife would rather her be staying with some other mom, then just fucking face the fact that there’s nothing wrong with her._

“So uh. How’s Kelley?” He asked with excitement. _Because she won’t respond to my calls and texts, even though I’m her father._

“Umm...I think she’s doing...okay.” Stacy said, a little confused.

“You think? Is she at least doing her homework?” _She better not screw her college chances up._

“Um....well she’s only been at my house a couple of times. And her and Christen just watch tv. But the rest of the time she’s at ...Judy’s house.” Stacy said cautiously.

_What._

“Right, of course.” Dan shook his head and drank the rest of his coffee to save face. “Well, I gotta go. Nice to talk to you.” And he practically sprinted out of the coffee room.

He made a point to not talk to any of Karen’s friends again.

++

Dan scooted his chair a little farther away when Karen’s elbow touched his.

“Grow up, Dan.” Karen said without looking up from her book.

“I’m just here to watch my son play some soccer.” Dan said.

Karen rolled her eyes. They were not going to argue again. Not in front of anyone.

“Hey you!” Dan yelled at Jerry’s coach who was jogging along the sideline. “You talk to my daughter, have you seen her recently? Is she doing okay?” Dan asked a little aggressively.

Karen put down her book.

“You’re friends with Kelley?” She looked him up and down.

“Yes m’am I am. And yes sir, I have history class with her. I haven’t talked to her much.” 

_Don’t give me that yes sir, bullshit._

Adam walked away, and Dan felt more frustrated than ever that he didn’t know what was going on with his middle child.

 

++

 

Dan stopped in his tracks when he saw Karen talking to this Adam boy. He narrowed his eyes as he studied the two talking. But he kept his distance and packed up the lawn chairs.

 

Dad: Kell-Bell. Please come home. I want you home. I don’t care what your mom tells you, you belong here in my house. [8:23pm]

Dad: I miss you. [8:23pm]

Dad: I’ll protect you. [8:24pm]

Dad: I never said it was okay for you to leave. I didn’t kick you out. I’m telling you, you need to be back here.[8:25pm]

 

++

 

Dan gripped his coffee in his hand, and gulped down his fifth cup for the day. At this point, he needed something stronger, but this was all he could reach for at the gas station. He was completely aware of how creepy he was being as he sat in his car in a school parking lot. He wanted so desperately to fall asleep, but he knew that it evaded him these past couple of weeks, and it would now. So he resorted to watching his daughter do what she was meant to do on a soccer field.

He sat up in his seat when he spotted Hope Solo’s tall frame walking across the parking lot. That meant that his daughter was near. He turned on his car, and quickly drove up to Kelley. He didn’t need to call her out, because she was already stalking towards his car.

“What are you doing here??” Kelley hushed as she stood a good distance from his window with her arms crossed.

“You’re not answering my phone calls and texts.” Dan said simply.

“Well maybe that’s because I don’t want to talk to you!” Kelley threw her hands up in the air.

“Kelley Maureen.” Dan said through gritted teeth. The overdose of caffeine mixed in with insomniamade his eyes bulge and his temper flare. “I’m your father. You can be mad at me, but you can’t disrespect me.”

“Yeah, well you’re a disappointment of a father!” Kelley yelled.

“Oh? I’m a disappointment?!? That’s funny, because I’m the one who has been providing a roof above your head, and for the past seventeen years I’ve fed and clothed you. You didn’t seem too disappointed about that!” He knew he was getting off base with this conversation, but he wasn’t thinking straight. He was exhausted.

“Well I don’t fucking need you! You hurt me!”

“Oh MY- Kelley! I didn’t kick you out! I’ve been fighting with your mother because I know that there is nothing wrong with-” he lowered his voice “you having feelings with Hope, or any other person for that matter.”

“But you wouldn’t know that since you ran off like a little child!” His voice picked up. And he was not prepared for what came next. His daughter charged in his direction and her cleats met the side of his door. He ducked when she kicked his side-view mirror. He stared out her with his mouth wide open.

“Get the fuck outta here!” His daughter yelled in his face.

_I don’t fucking need this._

Dan peeled out of the parking lot, and straight into the same gas station where he picked up his coffee. This time, he picked up a pack of cigarettes.

He lit one right there in the parking lot.

_Well that went great._

_I’m a great parent._

 

++

 

Dan stared at the table set for dinner. It had enough for five people.

“Is.. Kelley coming home for dinner?” Dan asked, a little excitement in his voice.

“No, Dan. Your other daughter.” Karen said as she laid down the food on the table.

“Oh and I invited Jerry’s coach for dinner. He seems like a nice boy.”

Dan sighed.

“Why is Erin coming? It’s a school night?”

“Because I invited her.” Karen said simply.

“Your choices amaze me, Karen.” Dan said with no emotion.

 

++

 

“Who’s this joker, dad?” Erin whispered and pointed at the boy talking to her mom.

Dan scratched his scalp out of frustration.

“Ask your mom, Erin.” He walked away and outside to light another cigarette.

 

++

 

“I’m going to go out with Cole tomorrow.” Erin said to her dad.

“Fine. You haven’t broken up with him, yet?” Dan asked, he could feel his temper flare again.

“Ew, dad. Stop being so pissy all the time.”

“Just make sure Jer gets home after the game.”

“Well, duh.”

“No, I’m serious Erin. I don’t want him spending time with that joker in there.”

“Fine. Where’s Kelley?” Erin asked.

“Ask your mom.”

“No I’m asking you! Mom’s a fucking basket case!”

“Language, Erin.” Dan couldn’t even muster enough energy to make it convincing.

“Answer the question, where is Kelley?” Erin pushed. Dan just took another drag from his cigarette. Erin quickly took it from his mouth and took a drag of her own. He quickly swatted it away.

“Oh, what? You can do it, but I can’t!” Erin said with her hands on her hip.

“You know what, you’re old enough. Give me a break from being a parent.” Dan said as he lit another cigarette.

“You haven’t smoked since mom gave birth to me.” Erin said quietly. Dan wanted to cry.

“What did you do?” His daughter asked quietly.

“I made a mistake.”

That was the moment Erin realized that her dad was a human being, just like her. They both stood on the driveway in silence while he finished the tobacco stick in between his fingers.

“You know I love you, right?” Dan asked quietly.

“Yeah old man. I know.” Erin gave him a hug.

 

++

 

“Here, call that Adam boy, I have his number. He can tell her what has happened to Jerry. I have to talk to my supervisor to get out of work!” Karen frantically pulled the contact from her phone and read the number to her husband over the phone.

“Why would I call him?”

“Because they’re dating Dan!” Karen said hurriedly through the receiver.

“..........What???”

“Dan this isn’t the time! Just call him. And I’ll meet you at the hospital.” And she hung up.

 

++

 

“Since when have they been dating?” Dan asked through gritted teeth.

“Since yesterday. She texted me. But that doesn’t matter! Your son has broken bones and this is what you’re talking about!” Karen yelled indignantly.

“Right, let me actually be a parent.” Dan said with a bite when he walked off to find a doctor that could help him find out the status of his son.

 

++

 

Dan’s heart swelled at the sight of his middle child running towards him. He took her in his arms and held onto her. Tight. He held on like his dear life depended on it. Dan wiped the tears from her face as tears from his eyes started to fall.

“Is Jer going to be okay??” Kelley cried.

“Yeah. He’s okay. We are all okay.” Dan said quietly.

“I love you so much.” Kelley said as she further burrowed into his embrace.

“I love you too, firecracker.” He whispered.

He didn’t immediately notice Adam in the corner of the room, talking to Karen.

 

++

 

It was nine in the evening when he finally had enough. He had to say something. He knew that Kelley was about to leave, and that Karen was not going to push her luck in insisting that their daughter stay with them.

“Come here.” Dan pulled Kelley to the corner of the driveway while Karen talked to Adam on the porch.

“Stay here.” At this point, he was begging.

“Dad..” She shook her head. “I’m going to go back to Christen’s.”

“I know you’re not staying at Christen’s.” Dan said gravelly. He saw the fear in his daughter’s eyes grow. “I didn’t tell your mom.”

“Thank you.” She said quietly.

“What are you doing with him?” He asked. He couldn’t stand holding it in anymore.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing, huh? Then why is your mom telling me that you are dating him?”

Silence.

“Does Hope know?” His hands were on his hips. Demanding answers.

She looked like she was going to cry. She shook her head while her chin quivered.

“Do you have feelings for this boy?”

She shook her head again.

“Are you doing this for your mom?”

She nodded slowly.

“Well, quit it!” He whispered/screamed at her. He made sure that no one else heard them.

“Dad..”

“This isn’t going to end well for you, Kell-Bell. You need to tell her the truth. Even if that means standing up to her.” Dan couldn’t believe he was telling his child this about his wife.

“Dad, maybe she might love me again.” Kelley was crying.

“No. Stop. She loves you. I love you. She will come around. She’s your mother.” He said fiercely.

“Please dad, you can’t even stand up to her. Just let me go.”

He watched his little baby get into some boy’s jeep and drive away.

 

++

All Dan O’Hara wanted to do was smoke another cigarette. When the car salesman and his wife chatted about some bullshit that he wasn’t even listening to, he stared out the window. There was no point in arguing anymore.

He wordlessly shuffled around while Karen looked at all of these expensive cars no seventeen year old had any business going near. But he kept his mouth shut while his head ached. Maybe it was the constant caffeine or nicotine. He had no idea.

He looked at the obnoxiously luxurious car in his driveway.

“This will be good, Dan. She deserves it. She’s gotten into Stanford, has almost signed with them, she’s doing well in school, she’s even got herself a little boyfriend. This is us, rewarding her for all of her good _choices._ ” Karen said with excitement as she inspected the car.

“I’ll even tell her that you bought it for her.” Karen said with a little smirk.

“You know, sometimes you make me wonder why I married you.” Dan said with a flat voice and no expression on his voice. That earned him a night out on the couch. The couch never looked better.

 

++

 

“Mom said you bought it for me?!?” Kelley squealed.

Dan looked over at his wife.

“Yeah.” He said with no expression. Then he walked back into the house as his wife and daughter discovered all of the nice features of the car.

 

++

“What’s wrong dad?” Kelley sat down next to her dad, who was halfway through the pack he just bought this morning.

“I really tried.” He said quietly after a minute of silence. “I really tried to do right by you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I made an effort. I tried so hard to keep you here, Kell. I really did. You didn’t get to see how hard I tried to convince you that it’s okay. That everything was going to be okay. That you’re my daughter. That you’re-” He felt the tears threatening to spill.

“I just got scared.” Kelley said timidly. “And I thought that you betrayed me... you told mom when I specifically asked you not to.”

“Fine. I made a mistake in telling your mom too early. I admit that. But you’re making a big mistake by digging yourself in this hole.” He said calmly.

“Dad, just let me figure it out. It’s not a real relationship. He knows it. He just suggested it one day. I’m just going to keep this up for...” 

“For how long?” Dan asked.

“Until mom gets off my back.”

 

++

 

“You bought the brat a fucking beamer???” His oldest daughter barged in the house without a greeting.

“Language, Erin.” It was useless at this point.

“Nice to know that you play favorites, Daniel!”

“Not now, Erin.” Dan sighed.

“You must have really fucked up, huh?” Erin said with raised eyebrows.

He looked at her with no expression. Then he walked away.

 

++

 

“Dan, our phone company says that I can track our kid’s cell phones. You think we should pay extra for it?”

“No.” Dan didn’t even look up from the TV to face his wife.

“Well, I paid for it anyways.”

“Of course you did.”

That solidified the fact that the couch was his permanent bed from now on.

 

++

 

_Fucking take your hands off my daughter._

Dan’s fists were balled up but there was a fake smile plastered on his face while he watched this young guy kiss his daughter right in front of his face. He looked at Karen, who seemed to be absolutely beaming.

When his family started walking to the car, he grabbed Adam by the hand and shook it. And out of earshot from everyone, he growled, “You pull that shit in front of me, I’ll rip that earring from your ear and shove it down your throat.” The younger boy looked back in shock and Dan gave him a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

He made his way back to the car. He thought of really doing what he said he would to the boy, and he was only pulled out of his savage thoughts when he noticed one of Kelley’s friends yelling at them. Well she was mostly yelling at Kelley. Her words were slurred, and she wreaked of alcohol.

“Excuse me, Alexandra. Are you drunk?”

“No Daniel. I am not. I’M JUST CALLING OUT THE LYING PIECE OF SHIT OF A DAUGHTER OF YOURS!” Ali slurred.

“Hey!” He felt the anger rise, but he pulled back when his mind realized that he was about to charge a teenage girl.

 

++

 

“What has gotten into Alexandra. I think we should tell her mom that she was drunk. I don’t want Kelley around that.” Karen bristled. “Why would she say those things, Kelley?”

“I have no idea, mom. She was just drunk.” Kelley said quietly, but she looked at her dad with guilty eyes when she said it. He stared back at her as Ali’s words sunk in, and he fully comprehended what just happened.

“She had no right to say those things to you and embarrass our family at a family event!” Karen said with passion. “My daughter doesn’t deserve that!”

Dan just kept staring at his daughter. His face was a mixture of sadness, disappointment, and disgust. He felt himself giving up on his daughter at this point.

And Kelley felt him give up.

 

++

 

“Daddy, how do I fix this??” Kelley sobbed.

_I fucking told you, child. How is it that kids think they can have it both ways._

He just took an extra long drag from his cigarette, while Kelley sobbed harder and harder that every second passed.

“Just ask you mom.” Dan said quietly.

“Dad!” Kelley looked heartbroken. 

“I made a mistake. I thought that you loved me.” Kelley said through the many sobs.

That finally broke through Dan O’Hara exhausted and smoke-filled haze.

“I do love you.” He whispered and brought her into a hug. He kissed her on the top of her head, and stomped the half smoked cig on the driveway.

“How do I fix this?” The words were muffled from her face in his chest.

He sighed.

“I don’t know babe. You fucked up.” He said simply.

_No point in sugar coating it._

 

++

 

“How can you be so malicious and irresponsible?” Karen yelled at their oldest daughter, while Erin swept us the glass on the asphalt.

Dan looked on with sleepy eyes and then looked at his younger daughter, who was picking up soccer cones that seemed to be everywhere.

“I don’t know what I was thinking.” Erin said quietly.

“You could have hurt yourself!” Karen shrilled.

“Whose cones are those?” Dan asked, but he already knew.

“They’re Adam’s. Erin thought it would be funny to throw them all over the street.” Karen said pointedly.

“Why would you do that Erin?” Dan asked. He was interested to see what the girl would come up with.

He saw her pause and stutter for a second.

“I don’t know, dad. I was drunk.” She shrugged and them stared at him a little longer, as if to say _back off...._

“So how did you break the window?” He challenged her again.

“I punched through it.”

“You hand looks fine.” Dan said knowingly.

“Who cares how she did it, Dan?!?” Karen threw her hands up.

“What were Adam’s cones doing in your car?” He turned to Kelley.

“I picked them up from the fields when I picked up Jerry. He forgot them.” Kelley said quickly.

“So you’re not bringing boys in you car?” Dan asked with a slight edge to his voice.

“No, dad. I swear.” Kelley said fiercely.

“Fine. Erin you’re paying for this window. Now apologize to your sister.” Karen said with a stern voice.

“Fine. I’m sorry you’re such a slut who can’t keep her legs shut-”

“Erin O’Hara!” Karen yelled at the top of her lungs.

“No! This is bullshit! I’ll fucking pay for the window, but I’m not apologizing to her. And she knows why. I can’t believe I’m here with this joke of a family. I’m leaving.” And she stormed back into her house, with her mother hot on her heels.

Dan picked up the broom that his daughter threw on the floor and continued to sweep. Then he inspected the vehicle.

“Anything missing?” Dan asked when he taped some plastic over the open window. He looked over at his daughter, who seemed to have the life sucked out of her.

“Just Hope’s goalie gloves.” She said with a pained expression on her face.

“That kid’s something” He chuckled to himself.

“Dan!” He looked up to see his oldest daughter marching towards her car, and his wife yelling at him. “Do you want to help me discipline our children??”

“Oh no, Karen, I just buy them cars.” He called back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	14. An Outsider Intruding Upon an Intimate Moment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Then that’s our problem.” Hope said quietly. “Because that should never take precedence over telling me the truth.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to give it to you early. Also, it's short but I think I'm spoiling you guys with long chapters...

\--

 

Kelley just wouldn’t let it go. It wasn’t in her nature. No matter how many times Hope would gently push her away, she would just come back with a relentless drive to convince Hope Solo that she made a mistake, she knew it, that she was going to fix it.

Hope would half-heartedly hold her at bay, but Kelley would weasel her way behind Hope’s strong hands and pull her by the shirt, and sneak in a light and fleeting kiss to her lips. It was back and forth. Up and down. Yes and no. Teetering and tottering on the forgiveness and stubbornness.

“I’m tired, Kell.” Hope said in defeat. Hope could see the small trickle of light from the sun in the morning by the time her body had told her enough was enough at this hour of day.

“But I love you.” The small girl implored. “Just give me a chance.”

“KELLEY!” Hope yelled. She gripped onto Kelley’s hands which had bunches of Hope’s shirt in them, pried them from her placement on her chest and gently put them on Kelley’s side. “Please go home. We will talk about this later.”

“Just tell me you still love me, and I’ll go.” Kelley said as she pressed Hope into the front door. Her eyes were so desperate and poignant and her touch so skillful and electrifying that Hope finally succumbed.

“I still love you.” She said through the two hands covering her face.

“But It’s tormenting me.” 

 

\--

 

It was tormenting. In addition to agonizing and excruciating, and just overall painful to know that someone could own your whole body so easily. The excitement of having Kelley offered up to her on a platter had her blood pumping and her eyes wide as she sank her teeth into the side of Kelley’s neck and gripped her small body against hers. It was sunrise by the time Hope’s body was hovering over Kelley’s with fervent lips and clumsy hands that pulled her athletic shorts off with such force that it ripped at the seams. Hope quieted Kelley’s surprised gasp with her tongue and forced Kelley’s upper body into the sheets of her bed and then left bite marks all along Kelley’s abs.

Kelley would attempt to pull the keeper up by a hold on her jaw, but Hope would just stare her down and roughly push her arms away. She put her index and her middle finger of her uninjured hand into Kelley and plunder her of any desires to stop Hope from doing what she was doing. 

And maybe because they were both starved from each other’s touch, but the pleasure came fast and fleeting, and pretty soon, the morning sun was kissing the skin on Kelley’s legs as she laid on top of Hope, who was close to passing out from the sexual gratification and fatigue. The smaller girl watched as Hope’s breathing slowed and her face slackened. Kelley wiped the sweat from Hope’s forehead and ran her fingers all long Hope’s body, hoping that the touch would convince her that she had her in her arms again. That this was all real.

She knew that Hope’s anger and knack to destroy things was the driving force of Kelley’s orgasm, but she held onto a sleeping Hope Solo’s hand to try to reassure herself that this anger would eventually fade. She gingerly ran her fingers over Hope’s injured up hand. _That we will eventually be okay. Eventually._

“I’m all in.” She quietly whispered to the sleeping figure. “Even if you’re not right now, I’m all in.” 

 

\--

 

Kelley quietly got out of her bed to initially check the time on her phone, but she instead decided to grab a change of clothes. She tiptoed into Hope’s closet, and ruffled throughout the many t-shirts on Hope’s shelves. At the sight of a familiar maroon-looking t-shirt sticking out from the bottom of a pile, Kelley stopped to touch it and think about her life within the past weeks without Hope and what it would be like without her if she decided to go to another college. She also thought about how much things changed since the day she moved out of Hope’s room. The last day that she had ownership of this shirt. 

The small girl opted for another, more neutral t-shirt and a pair of shorts before she quietly walked out of the closet.

She stepped out to see a topless Hope Solo looking at her surroundings with a panic and grief stricken expression. It looked like Hope was looking around for something, and when her eyes finally landed on Kelley, who just stood in the doorway, studying the taller girl, there was an immediate sigh of relief and relaxing of Hope’s shoulders. 

It made Kelley buzz. Seeing Hope have a private freak out at Kelley absence made her feel an unmeasurable amount of hope. _Maybe I haven’t fucked it all the way up._

Kelley O’Hara sat with her small legs crossed indian style while she sat on the edge of the bed, watching Hope get ready for the day. She was like a small puppy, her head and eyes following Hope’s every move, waiting for a pat on the head, or some form of recognition. She waited patiently. She could see from the way Hope’s face tilted away from her, and her eyes averted anytime it came close to pointing in the small girl’s direction, that Hope was calculating the best way to act. But Kelley would wait. Always.  
When the taller girl was in the restroom, Kelley finally looked at her phone to see multiple missed calls and texts from her mom. She scanned the messages and got the gist, that her mom was wondering where she was and why she was at Hope’s house. _Fuck all the way off, mom._ Kelley had an inkling that she was being tracked, and this just solidified it. She rolled her eyes as she sent a very curt and short text to her mom saying that she was fine and that yes she was with Hope. She tossed her phone across the room and into a pile of Hope’s laundry in a small fit of anger. 

When Hope emerged from the bathroom, she continued to watch her every move. She could do this all day.

“Kell, don’t you have to get ready for school or something...?” Hope still avoided eye contact.

“I’ll just wear this.” Kelley said simply. 

“Don’t you have to go bring Jer to school or do something for your dad in the mornings or...”

“Do you want me to leave?” Kelley asked quietly. It was a timid question and Hope noticed that Kelley seemed to cower, signaling that she wasn’t ready for Hope to say ‘yes’.

Hope rested her hands on her desk, turned away from Kelley, and searched for a way to answer the question. _Yes, because I can’t deal with the fact that all I want to do is lick the skin off your body AND rip my eyes out thinking about you kissing him. No, because as soon as you leave, I’m going to crumple down to the ground, sobbing like a fucking baby that you’re leaving me again. Yes, because I feel like I’m getting way too dependent on you in my life. No, because I don’t think I can handle not having you. You’re both my weakness and my strength. And I fucking hate you. And I fucking...I love you. And I just can’t handle being in this skin knowing that someone else can do this to me._

“I don’t. I don’t know...” Hope finally managed to get..some words out. She didn’t turn around when she heard her bed groan from the shift in weight, signaling Kelley’s movement. All of Hope’s body tensed, waiting for some soft and torturous physical contact from the smaller girl. _Please don’t do this to me, Kell._

And she didn’t.

Hope quickly spun around when she heard her ex shuffle around the room, looking for something.

“What are you doing?” Hope said with a slight tone of panic. She wasn’t exactly ready for Kelley to leave so soon.

“I’m just looking for my phone. I’ll get outta your hair as soon as I find it.” Kelley’s voice cracked. 

“Wait, Kell-” Hope, eyes wide with panic, closed the distance between them, but kept a good one or two step distance from Kelley.

The small girl furiously rummaged through the laundry in a distressed state. She hastily wiped the blinding tears out of her eyes as she kneeled on the floor, throwing Hope’s clothing all over her room while she searched for her damn phone. 

“Kell, stop.”

The small girl continued to wreak havoc over Hope’s room, trying to find the the thing that was holding her back, the thing anchoring her here in the ambience of Hope Solo’s rejection.

“I’m sorry! I just need to find it, I know you-. I didn’t mean to-. I know I fucked up, I-”

“Kell-”

Hope calmly scooped Kelley from behind and encased her in her arms, bracing the small girl’s arms against her body so that she couldn’t move.

“Kelley, stop.” Hope whispered quietly into her ear. She felt Kelley’s back muscles tense and then relax. 

“I just need to know that you can forgive me someday.” The small girl said through wracking sobs.

Hope was still crouched over her, her long arms still bracing the other girl, while she struggled to even begin a thought on how to respond.

“I can’t give you answers, kid.” She whispered.

“Hope- it- I wasn’t with him-not for real, I’m not into him, I-” Kelley struggled as she shook her head to convey the ridiculousness of ever really cheating on Hope Solo. And at the mention of _him_ , Hope let go of Kelley and took a few steps back.

“Kell, I don’t want to talk about this now. I-I’ve heard what you had to say. And I just need...space, time, whatever! I can’t give you anything right now. I just need time to process.” Hope’s voice stayed calm and quiet.

“Well then what was last night? A revenge fuck?” The hurt in her voice was palpable.

“Why would you say that?” Hope asked with her hands on her hips. She took the steps in between herself and Kelley who now had her phone in her hand and was standing there with her head down.

“How can you say that to me?” Hope was just as hurt.

 

“Because I wouldn’t blame you.”

 

\--

 

After thirty minutes of a mental push and pull, Kelley left Hope’s house and they both agreed to talk about it at some unplanned time later in the future. Thankful that she had the strength to refuse a ride to school from Kelley, the keeper walked to school in a weird limbo of emotions. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling now. In a state of discombobulation, she scratched her head to think about whether or not she was still sad, or mad, or fuck , even happy, if it was possible.

She recalled Kelley telling her that her feigned relationship with douchebag was that (feigned), and nothing else:

“He heard my parents arguing one day when they were at Jerry’s practice. Said that my dad was fighting with my mom about some camp called Heartlight that my mom wanted me to go to. He said that my dad was threatening to divorce her. That it was all a shit show and that they were arguing in public. It’s the only reason he knew what was going on. I just didn’t want this to continue. I just couldn’t do that to my dad. So Adam said that he was willing to help me. ”

Hope tuned out the rest. She turned around to take one look at the house across from hers, and the jeep parked in its driveway. 

She had a lot to think about.

 

\--

 

Hope hesitated before her knuckles rapped the hard wood door that had a brown sign on it that read: GIRLS SOCCER: JILL ELLIS

She heard the small command to ‘come in’ and closed her eyes to prepare herself before she opened the door.

“You’re killing me, Hope Solo.” Jill said as she rubbed her eyes. She then took Hope’s injured hand into hers and then sighed.

“When did this happen?”

“A while back.”

“WHEN did this happen?”

“I don’t know. Before the game.” Hope said with her head down.

She heard Jill let out a big breath.

“So you played with your hand like this.....?”

Hope nodded. Jill held her face in her hands.

“Okay, kid. Listen.” Jill’s eyes searched the room while she internally devised a plan. “We have 8 more games, 4 more weeks left of the season. Don’t come back to me until you get that checked by a doctor. For now, Ashlyn will play, but damn kid, you’re lucky that both schools want you.”

 

\--

 

XXX-342-5903: Can I see you before class starts? [8:17am]

Hope ran her thumbs over the buttons and typed out a response. She was about to click the send button, thought about it some more, and then closed her phone when Christen and Tobin walked in the soccer cage.

“Tobs, I love your snapbacks, AND I love your beautiful mane. Either is fine with me.” Christen said before she planted a kiss on Tobin’s cheek.

“Can you guys quit being so adorable?” Hope grumbled. This caused the two to laugh. They split to their own respective lockers.

Hope watched Christen’s eyes flash to her un-taped hand. 

“Holy shit.” Christen kneeled before a sitting Hope Solo and gingerly held Hope’s hand.

“I told Jill.” Hope said quietly. She looked at it too, in disbelief that she had stopped a couple of Alex Morgan’s shots with this hand.

“You played with this??” Christen asked.

Hope nodded.

“Please don’t do this to yourself, again.” Christen begged quietly. Hope could see the sadness in her eyes, and it reminded her of the emotions evoked when she looked at Kelley’s pooled eyes.

“I had to do it, this time. But I’m fixing it.” Hope said quietly. But Christen still looked concerned.

“Hope, don’t do this again. Don’t let your frustrations with her ruin you chances for the future. Seriously. You have so much riding on your health and your performance. Don’t -”

“Chris.” Hope took Christen’s face in both of her hands. “I know. I hear you.” She removed her hands and stared straight into Christen Press’ narrowed and calculating eyes. She could see the tension subside in her face, but it never really relaxed.

“Um...” Tobs shuffled her feet forward. And christen stood up at the sound of her girlfriend’s voice, “hate to break this up... but..”

“I’ll take you to class, babe.” Christen grabbed her first class period book from her locker and then dragged Tobin away, who was looking at Hope a little too long for it to mean nothing.

_I’m ignoring this. I have too much shit on my plate._

Hope looked at her phone for two more seconds, and then decided to not respond. She would go seek the girl out instead of committing to meeting her. It wasn’t until halfway through campus that she realized that she had no idea where Kelley would be. Back in the day, Hope would just need to turn to the side, and Kelley would have been there. She felt the small girl’s absence in her life even more in her chest as she continued walking. _Well, Ali tells me that she never goes to the soccer cage anymore, and the only times I see her in the morning, she’s in the parking lot.._

Hope burst through the front doors, with a renewed amount of energy. Probably as a result of her mature decision to come clean about her hand and successfully avoiding a chewing out by Christen Press. She knew that she still wasn’t going to be able to give Kelley any answers, but this morning, for the first time in a long time, she was walking to go see Kelley O’Hara. And that did something to her soul that felt so exquisite and consuming that Hope couldn’t help but feel like a little kid, excited to see her best friend for a sleepover.

But they weren’t little kids anymore. 

And she spotted Kelley looking down at her phone, standing by her car, in a way different outfit than this morning that made Hope think dirty things. She was all dressed up in a maroon romper, sparkly earrings, and makeup done like a professional. Kelley was known to have a lot better fashion sense than Hope, and would definitely put a little more effort in her everyday effort, but her fashion game was upped today, and Hope couldn’t help but stare the small girl up and down. She couldn’t help but think about what was underneath that outfit.

Kelley still hadn’t raised her head from her phone, and Hope was still a good distance away when she spotted Adam coming up to the smaller girl. Hope stopped in her tracks. Because, of course. _Of course._

 

\--

 

She zoned in on Kelley’s small smile when he approached her, and the way he held onto the bottom hem of her piece of clothing, so close to her thigh while they talked. She took in the genuine smile on his face and all of a sudden, Hope Solo had an itching to smash something and she looked around at all of the windows in the cars that were parked ten feet away from her.

Her blood boiling couldn’t even describe a _fraction_ of what she was feeling now. Her stomach was churning and her face started to feel hot. She grinded down on her teeth and she could feel the sinews in her jaw muscle contract.

Hope saw Kelley look to the side and recognize that the keeper was a good twenty yards away, standing in between two cars, observing her. Hope saw Kelley’s face split wide into a smile, and then fall when she realized Hope’s current mood. Hope watched as Kelley took a few steps in her direction, but then she registered the sound of approaching footsteps to her left. Hope felt a hand fold around her bicep, and another hand on her cheek. It was all so fast, and she was surprised that she could register Ali whispering to her, “Just trust me.” before she was pulled down and her lips were smashing against Ali Krieger’s.

Internal panicked thoughts bounced around in her head, but she also couldn’t help but think about how soft Ali’s lips were. _Sooo not the time, Solo._ The other girl, pulled away, leaving Hope’s lips still outstretched and bewildered by what in the fucking world just happened. Hope’s eyes fluttered open and then she whispered, “What the....”

“I said trust me. Don’t look at her.” Hope was turned around in a millisecond and dragged back in the direction of the school by Ali’s hand.

“Did you really just...” Hope pointed at her lips and then pointed behind her.

Ali laughed at Hope’s expression.

“Yeah, it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. I kinda thought you were going to do something stupid.” Ali said with a side eye. Hope noticed that Ali was still holding her hand.

“No just hold on to it. Just until we get inside.” Ali hushed.

“Fuck, Ashlyn is going to kill me!” Hope whined as soon as the doors opened and they were out of sight from Kelley.

“No she won’t.” Ali said quickly. “She owes me.”

“She owes you...?”

“Yeah, she kissed Tobin. So now we’re even.” Ali said with a grin.

“.....when did....when did she kiss Tobin...?” Hope’s eyes were widened and at this point, she wasn’t sure if her body could handle any more emotions for the day. The defender filled her in.

“This is getting too out of hand.” Hope shook her head. “I can’t keep up with all of this. I just. I can’t even. You’re telling your girlfriend like right now what just happened, and that I had NO IDEA what you were going to do.”

Ali pulled out her phone and sent a text to Ashlyn. She showed Hope the evidence.

“Hey, listen” Ali said as she walked with Hope to her first class, “what were you doing? Why were you going up to them?”

“I was just going to talk to her.” Hope said quietly.

“Why? Why are you giving her the time of day?”

“Because Al, we kinda talked last night.” That was met with a groan. “I know, I know. I still haven’t figured out how i’m going to handle all of this, I just-”

“Solo. You’re freaking killing me. You CANNOT get back with someone who cheated on you.” Ali said with passion.

_Cheated on you.. Cheated on you... Cheated on you.._

“I know, Al. I know.” She said with defeat. The warning bell rang. Ali gave her a sympathetic rub on her arm.

“I gotta go to class.” Ali said quietly. “This conversation isn’t over, Solo.” Ali said as she backpedaled into the direction of her class.

“Okay... Hey!” Hope yelled to get Ali’s attention. “You may have fucked shit up, but...thanks...for being there for me.”

Ali Krieger winked at her and trotted off.

 

\--

 

It’s like her sense of hearing had failed and now there was just a loud ringing in her ears. Kelley could feel Adam’s hand on her shoulder, but she couldn’t stop staring at the love of her life walking away with _fucking Ali...who has a girlfriend..?_

Her hearing came back in an instant when she felt Adam pull her into a hug.

“No, get off me.” Kelley said quietly. She stomped back to the driver’s side of her car in a fit, the boy in tow. She pressed the button to unlock it and opened the door, only for it to be slammed shut by Adam.

“Stop.” Kelley said through gritted teeth.

“Calm down! What are you doing? You have class!” Adam said with widened eyes.

“I’m not going!” Kelley said. She attempted to open her door again, but Adam’s hand kept it shut, much to Kelley’s frustration.

“KO, wait for a second! Just talk to me. ”

“Adam, I don’t want to talk! So get out of my fucking way!” She made another unsuccessful attempt to open her door. She glared at the boy.

“Kell. I’m sure there’s an explanation for all of this-”

“Adam! Just stop!” Kelley bunched her fists into her hair. “You did what you were supposed to do. But I don’t need a fake boyfriend anymore!” At those words, he quickly took his hand off the car.

He watched as she got in.

“Kell, I still care about what happens to you.” Adam said passionately.

“Well, DON’T. You’re not my real boyfriend!” Kelley sped away and Adam watched in disbelief. He only moved from his spot when he heard the bell ring, signaling that he was late for class.

 

\--

 

“What.”

“I know you hate me, but can you please act like I’m your sister, and that you still love me?” Kelley said through tears.

She heard Erin’s sigh vibrate all over the car as it boomed through the speakers from the bluetooth connection.

“Fine. What do you want brat?”

“Do you have classes today? Can I come see you?” Kelley begged.

“What did you do?” Erin’s voice was shrouded with suspicion.

“Er, Please! I have no friends, everyone fucking hates me, I’m a pariah! Mom won’t get off my case about Adam, dad thinks I’m a fuckup! And I just saw Hope..” Her sobs deepened and she gripped the steering wheel tight. “I just saw Hope kiss another girl. I fucking need someone, right now.”

Momentary silence.

“Fine. You know that starbucks on highway 38? I can meet you there, it’s the halfway point. I can be there in an hour.”

“Thank you.” Kelley said quietly.

\--

 

“You know, I think I’m kind of scared for her.” Tobin said to Ashlyn.

“I’m not, she kissed my girlfriend.” Ashlyn said with a fake pout.

The two friends were sitting on the newly moved couch on the opposite side of Christen’s garage, not paying attention to the current FIFA game that was at a standstill since the people controlling the players on the screen were currently staring with their mouths open, at their girlfriends bitching out a very sullen looking Hope Solo.

“I guess you can’t be too mad..” Tobin said with a wink.

“Oh my gosh. We were both drunk.” Ashlyn playfully shoved her. They both put down their controllers and watched from a distance as Hope Solo got chewed out.

“What were you thinking??” Christen yelled from the top of her lungs.

“I wasn’t Chris! She just showed up at my doorstep and I couldn’t avoid her any longer-”

“So then that automatically means that you have sex with her??” Christen threw her hands up in the air.

“You WHAT??” Tobin shouted from her corner.

Hope threw her head back in defeat and then into her hands as she sat one of the chairs in Christen’s garage.

“Guys! I know that I’m not handling this in the best way-”

“No shit Solo!” Ali yelled.

“I’M SORRY ALI! I just-”

“Okay, okay, okay!” Ashlyn got up and walked over to the trio. “Let’s all calm down. Give Solo some time to breathe. Some time for all of us to breathe. Ali and I will go and bring back some food since we still got 45 minutes for lunch.” Ashlyn grabbed a seething Ali Krieger by the shoulders and whisked her away, leaving a still very heated Christen Press glaring at the keeper.

“We are not done here.” Christen glared.

“CP, stop, I know what you’re gonna -”

“How can you do this? After all that your friends have done for you?” Christen wasn’t yelling anymore, but her eyes were venomous

“What are y-”

“We’ve supported you after the blow up of Kelley’s bullshit! But this? You can’t be serious! How are we supposed to help you when you’re jumping at Kelley’s ever command?!”

“Chris, c’mon..” Tobin said quietly. She was now next to Hope.

“No! I mean how can you even think about taking her back after all of the shit she has pulled BEHIND your back??”

“I haven’t said that I’m going to take her back!”

“Oh, whatever! I just know that you’re going to. C’mon, be honest. You’re going to take back the girl who cheated on you with a DUDE. Regardless of the authenticity of her relationship with Adam, she still kissed him, Hope!”

“I know, CP!”

“So then what are you doing?? This girl hasn’t been there for you when this happened!” And she pointed at Hope’s hand. “She doesn’t know all about the shit it caused when you stopped showing up to school. She doesn’t know that because of her, you don’t have a truck. She doesn’t know about how Marcus can’t even look at you anymore. She doesn’t know how your mom is these days!”

Tobin looked on with wide eyes. SHE didn’t even know some of these things. 

“Chris, please.” Hope’s eyes were starting to water.

“And Kelley DEFINITELY doesn’t’ know that you’re choosing Washington over Stanford because of her!” Christen spat.

Hope looked hurt. _Almost heartbroken..._ Tobin thought.

“I told you that in confidence.” Hope said quietly. 

Tobin seized up. Her muscles tensed and she realized that throughout this whole conversation, she was just an outsider intruding upon an intimate moment. She wanted to curl up into a ball, while simultaneously strangle the two girls for putting her in this awkward position. But, her anger was mostly directed at her girlfriend.

“Like no one is going to find out?! Tell me, Hope, why doesn’t Kelley know about the BIGGEST decision you’ve ever made in your life!” Hope got up from the seat and picked her backpack off of the floor and quickly walked down Christen’s driveway.

“Oh yeah, that’s right! Because she’s been too busy cheating on you with a boy!” Christen yelled at the girl’s back.

Tobin watched Hope Solo march further and further down the street until she was out of sight. She turned to see her girlfriend huffing and puffing.

“That was completely unnecessary, Chris.” Tobin said quietly.

“You just-” Christen shook her head furiously. “Tobs, you just don’t get it.” And then the forward walked into her house through the door, leaving Tobin confused now more than ever. She wondered why Christen’s actions felt vaguely familiar and why it kind of irked her that she had no idea how close Hope and Christen had become.

 

\--

 

“Thanks for taking me.” Hope said softly. She looked down at her right hand in a splint that her doctor gave her and let her diagnosis echo in her mind.

_2 weeks in a splint...It’s manageable. I still have 2 more weeks of games after that.._

“Yeah.” Marcus said with a flat tone. It frustrated Hope beyond end.

“Marcus, i’m sorry. I’m serious. I messed up.” Hope said with desperation.

But he wasn’t having it. And Hope gave up her pleas for forgiveness shortly thereafter. As much as she wanted his forgiveness, she was getting really sick and tired of explaining herself.

 

\--

 

Kelley shut off the engine to her car and threw back her head onto the headrest. She looked at her phone and silently grieved at the fact that the only messages she received were panicked messages from Adam, a text from her mom asking her where she was, and one from her coach asking her why she didn’t show up to practice.

She ignored them all.

Then she dialed Hope’s new number.

The ringing ceased and the phone went silent.

“Hope?”

“Kell, my mom says that you’re not allowed here anymore.” There was no expression in Hope’s voice.

“So then can you please come outside?” Kelley begged. She heard Hope heave a big sigh before she hung up. She was thankful when she saw Hope emerge from her front door.

 

\--

 

“You cheated on me.” Hope said with her head down.

“Technically you fake kissed Ali!” Kelley knew that it was a weak argument.

Hope just shook her head to wave her words off. They both knew that something bad was going to happen. Even though Kelley was straddling her lap in the passenger side of her car, it still wasn’t enough to get rid of the monstrous issue looming over their heads. Plus, the idea of having sex with Kelley in a car felt way too surreal and eerily familiar to the nightmare she had weeks ago.

Kelley distractedly ran her fingers over the scars and scabs on Hope’s neck, avoiding the keeper’s eyes, while tears filled hers.

“I never intended for this to happen. I just wanted my mom to get off my back, or just.. Get her to stop looking at me like i’m a creature with eight heads. I just thought that I could fix it.” She said, defeat in her tone.

“That’s so not fair, O’Hara.” Hope shook her head. “Why didn’t you tell me? I can understand the pressure of a parent who doesn’t understand, but I can’t- I gave you so many chances to tell me what was going on. So many! EVERYONE was concerned about you.”

“I was just embarrassed! And I didn’t know how to tell you that my mom didn’t want me seeing you again! And when I went to your house that first night, I didn’t even know if you felt the same way! There’s just so much that I didn’t know and couldn’t handle!” 

Hope let Kelley’s tears and lips caress her face for a few seconds before she gently pushed her away. She didn’t want to think about how her stomach churned at the sight of the hurt in Kelley’s face when she placed Kelley back into the driver’s seat.

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing stopped you from telling me what was going on with your parents. You know, you didn’t have to hide this fake relationship from me.” Hope said bitterly. 

“I just wasn’t ready, Hope.” Kelley leaned over the console, unsatisfied that Hope had put distance between them. She grabbed Hope’s uninjured hand, desperate for some kind of contact.

“Then you weren’t ready to be with me, Kelley.” Hope looked her square in the eye.

Kelley shook her head furiously.

“No, no. I love you. I’ve ALWAYS loved you!” Panic was evident in her voice.

“I thought that you did, but now I don’t know anymore, kid.”

“No, please!” Kelley sat back in her seat with her hands over her face. “I’ve loved you ever since we were kids. Please believe me, Hope Solo. I know I fucked up, but I would do anything” her voice cracked at the last word, “Anything to fix this.”

“You can’t fix this.” Hope thought intensely about her words for a second. _Is this really something that can’t be fixed? Do I really mean that?_

“You don’t trust me enough, for some reason. You never have. You never let me in, unless you get caught or I find out about it from someone else. And not just this! Our whole friendship! Somehow, when it comes to important shit in Kelley O’Hara’s life, I’m always the last one to know!” Hope was a little surprised at how well she articulated this deep rooted conflict she’s held within.

“It’s because I just care so much about what you think of me!” Kelley sobbed into her hands. She had no control at this point in the conversation. “Hope! I didn’t want to disappoint you! I just thought that I could fix this, that it would last for a week tops, and then you wouldn’t know how I had to resort to pretending I was dating a boy! Fuck, It’s embarrassing!”

“Then that’s our problem.” Hope said quietly. “Because that should never take precedence over telling me the truth.”

Hope sat in her seat, staring at the splint in her hand, wondering how her and Kelley got to this point. The thought of it all made some tears escape her.

“Then I’ll fix it.” Kelley said as she wiped her eyes and her nose. “I’ll change. I promise, I’ll come to you first now!”

“No, Kell, it doesn’t work like that.” _Can we make it work?_

“Why not?!”

“Because Kelley! I’ve ALWAYS been honest with you. From day one. And I would NEVER do what you did to me. NEVER!”

“I know, I know.” Kelley’s sobbing had diminished to a controllable level and now she was left with her throat and cheeks throbbing from soreness and the regret bubbling out of her system.

“I loved you.” Hope said quietly.

“Loved? Like past tense?” Kelley asked in a panic. 

“Like you’ve done something so cruel that I don’t know if I can love again.” Hope’s voice cracked as the tears pooled around her lips. She hastily wiped them away.

“I’ve never felt this way about someone, Kell. And what hurts the most about all of this, is that this could have all been avoided. You just had to tell me the truth the first, second, or _fucking fourth_ time I asked you about what was going on with your parents.” Hope’s stomach churned at the thought of how many opportunities they both had to make this right.

“And no matter how much you may love me, I can’t unlearn knowing that you’ve kissed him. I can’t unlearn that after years of friendship that you still can’t tell me the most vulnerable parts of you. You didn’t let me in. Not the way I let you in, at least.”

They were both crying, but Kelley’s body was shaking uncontrollably and Hope could feel herself get so fatigued from this conversation.

“I can’t do this anymore, Kell.” As soon as she said it, she felt the tiniest amount of regret. _Is this really it? Can I really not do this anymore?_

“No!” Kelley’s voice cracked as she covered her face again with her hands.

“I can’t look at you anymore, and not see him.”

“Please don’t break up with me! I can’t live without you.”

The small girl’s pleas just made Hope’s chest hurt, and it made her reconsider what she was doing for a second. But her mind and her heart were both working in tandem, and being in this car just made her think about the shitty past few weeks and Adam’s hand holding the hem of her romper, and the shell of a person she had become because of it all.

“No, Hope! I love you.” It was slaying Hope. When she looked at Kelley, she could see the same girl that curled up in her bed more than six months ago, desperate for a familiar touch and a refuge from her broken home. She could see the same brave and cheeky girl that held her hand in public without asking. She could see the fear in her eyes when they shared their first kiss, and she could also see Kelley’s adorable little face when they snuggled after making love.

But, it didn’t matter. None of that mattered. Because it hurt. It hurt to look at her.

“I love you, I love you.” Kelley grabbed onto Hope’s arms and worked her way up onto her face. She repeated her declarations of love and the keeper couldn’t control the tingling sensation up her spine that ensued when Kelley’s lips ravaged her neck.

“Kelley!” Hope practically screamed. It was the only way to stop this madness.

“This wasn’t ever going to work, anyways!” Hope yelled.

“Why not?” Hope avoided Kelley’s painful stare.

She took a deep breath.

“Because I’m going to Washington next year.”

 

\--

EARLIER THAT DAY

 

“Tobs, wait a second!”

Tobin practically ran at the sound of his voice. But he was a fast and smart boy. He waited by the door to the girls locker room after practice, knowing that Tobin was always one of the first girls to get done changing. He knew that he had a good ten minutes before Christen would come out to join her.

“Hey, I just want to explain things.” Adam quickly turned her around.

“When are you going to learn Wright, stay away from girls who don’t want you.” Tobin spat. And she knew it would sting. Those words were meant to maim. She could see the way his face fell from her statement. She was satisfied that her words had the intended effect.

“That’s not fair, Tobs. This situation is a lot different than you and I.” He said quietly.

“Oh yeah, so why I are you coming up to me other than to see how O’Hara is doing without you?” Tobin challenged. She could see the way his speech faltered and his body hesitate.

“I’m not here for that.” But his eyes didn’t quite meet Tobin. “I’m here to explain my side of the story. You mean a lot to me Tobs, and it’s not what you think.”

“Oh I know all about that fake boyfriend shit, man.” Tobin waved her hand at him. “What I want to know, is why you’re coming up to me now? Why man, and why not seek me out weeks ago?”

“I-I-I wanted to give you space. Tobs you’re like the closest thing to a real friend to me, and I know that we haven’t talked much recently, but I didn’t want you thinking that I was really that bad of a guy. I knew her and Solo were a thing.”

“No, I don’t believe that, bro.” Tobin shook her head at the pleading expression of Adam. “You and I aren’t friends. You haven’t attempted to talk to me all that much this year. And at club night, you were fussing all over Kelley. At that point, you knew they were together, bro.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Nah, nah, nah. If you’re really my friend, stop bullshitting me. Why are you really coming up to me now?”

Tobin Heath was not chill, in any way, at the moment. Adam put his head down at her intensity and her biting words.

“I wanted to see..how KO was holding up...” He kicked a pebble on the ground and watched it roll off on the asphalt.

Tobin’s face twisted in some hybrid of disgust and satisfaction at her correct assumption.

“Adam. She. Likes. Girls.” Tobin said through gritted teeth. “No matter how much you want her to like you, it’s never going to happen.”

Adam let the power of her words wash over him.

“And no matter what you’re thinking, no matter what twisted and sick part of your brain thinks, using this fake relationship as a mechanism to get into her pants or make her fall in love with you, it isn’t going to work!” Tobin was half- yelling at this point. 

“It’s not what I-”

“Yeah it is, dude. I know you. I know that you have a thing for soccer girls, and that you’re a hopeless romantic. But this is fucked up. Just because Solo doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean that you move onto her girlfriend.” Tobin rolled her eyes.

“T, I swear. It didn’t start off like that! I really just wanted to help her out! C’mon you know that all of us have been friends since forever. I just wanted to help..I didn’t know that I was going to start having feelings for her. It wasn’t intentional. It had nothing to do with Hope.” Adam said sadly. 

“Regardless, Wright. Back off. You’ve done enough.” Tobin said quietly.

The boy just shook his head and ran his hands through his scalp, the frustration was evidence through his lightly bruised face.

“I can’t, Tobs.” He looked her straight in the face. A momentary standoff.

“Adam..” Tobin’s nose flared and her head shook as a warning.

“Tobs, I don’t care what you say. She has feelings for me, too. You’re not there when we are together. It’s different this time..”

“You’re being a fucking prick, right now.” Tobin warned. “Tread carefully.”

“I’m not lying, T. There’s something there between us.”

“Adam! I’m not going in this fucking circle with you!” Tobin was shouting at this point. “She doesn’t like you! You don’t have a chance! The fact that you have a penis automatically cancels you out!”

“Then why did she sleep with me?!?” Adam yelled.

“What?” A voice came off from the distance. 

Tobin and Adam turned to see Christen Press standing a few feet behind Adam.

\--

 

“I can’t even handle the level of NO CHILL this situation has reached.” Kling said as she sat on the couch in Christen’s garage. “Also, thank you for inviting me, I feel the love.” She smiled brightly at the girls who were were all standing, looking like someone had just died.

“Kling, you were just invited because you were walking next to me.” Pinoe said and rolled her eyes.

“Regardless, I hate being left out.” Klingenberg pouted.

“I’m going to kill Kelley O’Hara.” Ali said simply.

“Wait, wait. We don’t even know if it’s true. We need to stop pulling the trigger too early on this whole thing. Adam is a questionable source of information at this point.” Ashlyn said.

“Yeah, but so is Kelley. We can’t just ask her.” Pinoe pointed out.

“Listen, I know that O’Hara is a touchy subject now, but she still is a teammate...I know that everyone’s gonna hate me for this, but maybe we should get her side of the story first...” Ashlyn reasoned.

“No, c’mon guys, she totally boned him!” Ali threw her hands up in the air.

“Wait, Ali. Hold on. We don’t know anything for sure. Why are you so bent on KO being horrible?” Tobin asked.

“Loyalty.” Ali said simply. “You just don’t do that to your girlfriend. Especially if she’s a teammate. At all.”

“Well what about you?” Tobin patted her girlfriend on the arm. “KO’s like your best friend. Or she was. What’s going on with you?”

Christen, who was quiet up the whole night, just shook her head.

“Seriously, you have nothing to say?” It was an understatement to say that Tobin was a little frustrated at the moment.

Christen avoided all of their stares and just shook her head again.

“Listen guys, this isn’t even our business. Let’s just drop this soap opera. We’re just meddling.” Ashlyn said.

It was met with ‘No way!’’ and ‘Are you crazy?’ from the peanut gallery. Ashlyn cowered from all of the abuse.

“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t want to know if Ali was cheating on you??” Pinoe retorted.

“Guys!” Kling yelled into the room. “We are getting off track. How about Tobin is the one with the responsibility of confronting both Kelley AND Hope. She’s the one who found out this information.”

“No way, dude. I didn’t ask for this information.” Tobin shook her head. “Pass that on to the Hope crusaders over there.” She pointed at both Christen and Ali.

Christen narrowed her eyes at Tobin and held her stare for a long moment. Christen could feel the bite to Tobin’s words, and she reciprocated it with her stare. The rest of the crew in the room felt the instant tension.

“Oooookay, well I have homework to do. So i’m going to bounce.” Pinoe said.

“Yeah, me too.” Ashlyn quickly said.

The rest of the group filed out, aware of how still Tobin and Christen were. They all said their goodbye’s and looked at each other as soon as they were out of view of the couple.

“Yikes!” Kling whispered to Pinoe as they got to the bottom of the driveway of Christen’s house.

It was newly charged tension that Tobin could no longer ignore. Now that her and Christen were semi-together, she was not going to hide her feelings anymore, something she had to do during the days leading up to her confession of feelings for the girl. Her frustrations were boiling to the surface and it was impossible to ignore. 

And all she wanted to do was confront her about her behavior. _Why are you suddenly being so weird about Kelley? Why do you care so much about them? How could you drop your best friend like that so quickly? Don’t get me wrong, we’re all pissed about the situation, but you’re so invested. It’s like you’re the one who got cheated on. You know Kelley more than all of us, why are you not trying to hear Kelley’s side now that you know it was a fake relationship? And how come you’re not telling me, your girlfriend, about all of the shit you and Hope talk about? What do you and Hope talk about by yourselves? How come you knew about her hand when no one else did? How did you know that she chose Washington as her school?_

But she didn’t ask any of that. All she said was:

“I’m gonna go.”

Christen just nodded and watched with her arms crossed as Tobin walked down her driveway and onto the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously if you want to bitch about this soap opera with me, then wretchedthorium.tumblr.com
> 
> \- Wretched.


	15. Swallowed Her Whole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normally I put in a quote here from the chapter. I just can't with this chapter. This is a heavy one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, this chapter was honestly the hardest to write. I think that I kind of didn't want to write it. Life got in the way, but also this chapter just GOT to me. I had to get it out, and this was the best I could do. This chapter is just...I don't know.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING FOR SOME. So please be warned.

The tears were starting to dry on the skin on her wrist, and the ache in her cheek muscles was starting to subside. She felt the literal heaviness in the bags of her eyes and the crust on her dry lips. 

The sound of her car door slamming shut from Hope’s swing was still ringing in her ears as she sat in her car, in the same spot, four hours later.

She stared out into the dark night from behind her windshield and contemplated driving the two hours to Erin in the middle of the night. She listened to the wind whistle through the gaps of tape that should have held the trash bag serving as a pathetic make-shift window on a her ridiculously luxurious car.

She was scared out of her stupor when she heard her phone’s ringtone blast through the speakers of her car. She looked to her dashboard to see” MOM CALLING on the screen. It was the fifteenth call. She ignored the usually scary ‘KELLEY MAUREEN’ text, but through her depressive and comatose state, she figured that she might as well answer this call before her mom called the police to find her missing daughter.

“What, mom?” Kelley even had the strength to roll her eyes to pair with her flat tone of voice when she asked.

“Where the hell are you?” Karen said in a low, dangerous growl.

“Just fucking track me, mom. You know where I am.” Kelley rolled her eyes again.

“LANGUAGE! Why did you not go to school? I saw you all the way out there in no man’s land! What were you doing over there by a highway???” Karen’s volume was starting to raise. “Were you sneaking off with Adam?”

For the third time, Kelley’s eyeballs rolled.

“Sure, mom.”

“Are you with him now?? Kelley it is a school night, and as much as I like him, he shouldn’t be distracting you and I see that you’re on his street. You need to come home, now.” Karen lectured.

Kelley scoffed at her mother’s cluelessness. Kelley knew that her mother got the her text in the morning saying that she was at Hope’s house. 

She changed her mind. This wasn’t cluelessness. This was denial.

“Mom, are you just playing dumb?” Kelley asked aggressively.

“Maureen. Do not talk to me like that. Come home NOW.”

“No.” Kelley sighed and laid back her head into her seat.

“You get back here now. Or your dad and I will take back that car.” Karen growled.

“Fine. I’ll just stay with Hope again.” Kelley’s face scrunched up as the fresh tears escaped her eyelids. The thought crushed her. It would never be possible to stay with Hope Solo again. That sent her world spinning on a different axis as she listened to her mother.

“You what? I thought you were staying with Christen and Stacy?? Kelley Maureen!” 

“No mom, I was off being a deviant and sleeping in another girl’s bed.” Kelley said in a flat tone of voice.

“Kelley, I don't believe you. I don’t have time for your shenanigans. Seriously, stop with your ridiculous stories and get your butt back home. It’s midnight! And i’m sure Adam’s mom doesn’t want you keeping her son out so late!” Karen yelled.

Kelley had her face in her hands, her legs close to her chest, and her feet almost hanging off of the driver’s seat, as Karen continued, “It’s okay if you didn’t go to school today, but I can’t let that pass anymore. You took your free pass as a senior already. But you can’t ruin your chances at securing your spot at Stanford. Make better choices baby! Life is all about choices. And that starts with school and the people you surround yourself with. I like Adam, I like the person you’re becoming now that you’re with him,”

Kelley started sobbing at that statement.

“I think he is good for you. But honey, you cannot keep sneaking out to go see him. I KNOW that you’re leaving the house in the middle of the night to go see him because I see you where you are here on my app. I know that you guys are in love, but I cannot let it go on for much longer...”

Kelley tuned out the rest. 

Karen O’Hara was in damaging denial.

“Can you come home now?” Karen asked a little more nicely.

Kelley sighed.

“Okay.” Her resigned and defeated tone was appropriate for the moment. It really hit her.

_Hope Solo just broke up with me._

 

The anxiety besieged her mind.

 

\--

 

Kelley wiped the chocolate filling on her t-shirt without a second thought. She looked at the words University of Washington displayed on the front of it and on her chest, and she dragged her feet through the parking lot. Every step, right, left. Righ. Left. She watched the movie reel of her feet on the pavement as she walked. She headed to the locker cage, deciding that she had nothing to lose at this point. Everyone hated her, so what?

“Kell!”

She heard him call out her name in the distance, but she kept walking at her turtle pace. Too tired to flee.

“Hey! Kell. How are you? I-I’ve called like at least twenty times last night.” Adam was breathing heavy, no doubt from his sprint across the parking lot to catch up to her. He had a coffee in his hand and he handed it to her. She took it with no question. And, no response.

“Earth to KO! Hello?” He waved his hand in front of her as she sipped on her coffee with a blank expression. She walked on.

“Hey, so I missed you the yesterday. Where did you head off to?” Adam asked softly. No response. Kelley just continued to pick her feet up and down and the bob from the her bun swayed with her gait.

“Kell, c’mon.” Adam pleaded quietly. He grabbed her hand gently.

The touch pricked at her heart like a little needle coming in with the slightest of touch, but a consuming effect.. _Hope used to hold my hand._ She remembered one of the earliest memories of her and Hope becoming one.

_I just wanted to know, if I can do this from now on?”_ Hope had pointed at their interlocked hands and Kelley couldn’t help at how exhilarating it was to get Hope Solo to acknowledge that they were something. That all of their tension riddled sleepovers, one-sided intimate hugs, and confusing jealousy over girls and boys alike, that ALL of that meant something. It was exhilarating to know that _this girl is mine, and I am hers._

She broke away from her thoughts when she heard Ali Krieger hiss something off in the distance. Kelley shook her head to get rid of remains of the now tainted memory, and back to reality. She looked down at the hand in her own and then looked up. 

It wasn’t Hope.

 

\--

 

1 week later.

 

The crust was forming around Kelley’s eyes in the glare of the bright screen in her dark bedroom. It was four in the morning and sleep had evaded her once again. The imprint on her bed formed by her body was permanently cemented. When she wasn’t at school, she was in her bed. The comforter was warm and inviting and and it relaxed her whenever she had one of her episodes that day.

Every once in awhile she would be doing some everyday activity like walking when the repeated realization that she fucked up beyond belief came crashing down on her. By now, the tears rarely came, but a debilitating squeezing sensation was felt all over her body. She couldn’t stand, and would drop down to her knees and sit right in the spot she was in. The world would spin before her eyes and when she closed them, she felt like she was on the world’s shittiest roller coaster sending her into a enclosed tube. She would hyperventilate like she had just ran five 300 yard shuttles, and it usually ended up in her throwing up. The first three times it happened, she was lucky because she was outside and there were bushes nearby, but sometimes she was not so lucky, and she got to know the school janitor really well.

_I fucked up. I fucked up. This is my doing. I made a mistake. I can’t fix it. She hates me. Christen hates me. She hates me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live with this. I can’t, I can’t I can’t. Did I mention that she hates me?_ And on and on it went.

But here in her comfortable bed, her overtaxed pupils strained to look at the bright screen of her phone. Pictures of her and Hope flipped in and out of the screen as Kelley scrolled through her photos.

_I was so happy. She was so happy. What did I do..I mean, I know what I did, but I didn’t mean to do this. I didn’t mean for this to all fall apart._

Out of habit, she opened instagram and went to Hope’s profile. It was full of old pictures of her and the team goofing off in the locker room, videos of Hope setting juggling records, videos of her and Ashlyn in the weight room, struggling to lift 2lb weights, and ugly selfies of Kelley that the small girl had taken when she would steal Hope’s phone. She read the comments from a year ago that she had memorized by now, from her teammates joking about how Kelley and Hope would make an adorable couple.

She quickly switched to another app. Facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, snapchat. She cycled through these apps, looking through Hope’s social media, trying to find the answer on how to get back with her.

The sun was up, and she still couldn’t find it.

 

\--

 

“Jerry, get you ass in the car already!” Kelley yelled front the front door.

Jerry’s shoulders and face dropped when he looked up at his big sister. The frustration and irritation was obvious in the girl’s face and Jerry turned in on himself, a little scared.

“Kell-Bell, I just need to find my lucky armband that Adam gave me.” He said quietly.

“You don’t need! You’re going to be late.” She slapped her thigh with emphasis and she carted him out of the house without his armband.

“Why are you so upset Kell-Bell?” He asked timidly from the passenger seat. He started fidgeting and pulling on the duct tape on the plastic bag on the window. 

“Stop calling me that.”

“Why?” He innocently pushed. “I always call you that, and I’m your Jer.”

“Stop asking so many questions!” Kelley slammed on the steering wheel. “And don’t mess with the tape!”

“WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A MEANIE!” Jerry’s little chin started to quiver. “You’re hurting my feelings.” He started to cry.

Kelley let him.

“I don’t like you anymore. I hate you.” Jerry said quietly.

“Excuse me, what did you say?” Kelley asked aggressively.

“I said I HATE YOU!” He yelled through the snot and tears on his face. “You’re just mad because Hope doesn’t like you anymore!”

Kelley slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road.

“You little fu-”

“I heard you talking to Daddy! You’re just a bitch because she doesn’t like you anymore!” Jerry yelled.

“Jerry O’Hara! You ungrateful little brat! Do not ever call me that! You cannot use that word!”

“Bitch, Bitch, Bitch! That’s all that Erin calls you! That’s what you are!”

Kelley could feel the start of anger in her ears.

“You can fucking walk to school.” Kelley said through gritted teeth. She unlocked the door and reached across him to open his door. Jerry looked frightened.

“Kell, no-”

“Oh yeah. You want to call your big sister a bitch. Well there you go. I’ll be a bitch. Walk your ass the rest of the way to school.”

Jerry frowned at his big sister. Then he slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the car. Before he slammed the door, he said “I wish you would run away again. It was better when you weren’t my sister.”

 

As soon as Jerry turned the corner, Kelley O’Hara fell apart.

 

\--

 

Kelley raised her head slowly when she felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Get up, or get out.” She heard her teacher’s gravelly voice in her ear. She didn’t look up at him but she did roll her eyes as she leaned her head onto her hand and pretended to listen to the words he was reading straight from the powerpoint. She stared out the window after a few more minutes of his monotone voice.

Kelley was able to coast through her classes pretty easily all throughout high school, and she kind of fucking hated her history teacher for not giving her a break. Her and Christen were his top students, and _It’s not like I’m going to get anything less than a 100 on your next test, asswipe._

“Ms. O’Hara. Pay attention, please.”

Kelley glared at him, but she sat lower in her chair, facing the front. She heard Christen snicker. She whipped around.

“You have something to say, Christen??” She yelled. Kelley was up on her feet. Christen gave a mischievous smile with a glint in her eye. She was enjoying this challenge.

“Ms. O’HARA!” The teacher in the background was aghast.

Kelley was towering over Christen’s desk, Christen was sitting back with her arms folded and a smirk on her face, while the rest of the class was staring at Kelley with wide eyes.

“Seriously, Chris! Do you want have something you want to say?! You already make my life a living hell! Do you want to ruin it even more?!” The freckled face girl slammed her hand down on Christen’s desk, while the other girl didn’t move a muscle.

“No, O’Hara. That’s all your doing.” Christen locked eyes with her.

“God, Fuck you, you pretentious princess. You think you fucking know everything!” Kelley yelled.

Ooooos came from the peanut gallery, and the teacher ordered Kelley to sit in an empty seat on the opposite side of the room. 

 

 

\--

 

Kelley felt the sting of the stud of a cleat dig into her ankle.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Kelley yelled while she writhed on the floor. Coach Jill was hovering over her while Ali dusted the grass off of her shorts.

“It was an accident. I swear.” Ali said quietly and seriously.

“Oh fuck you Ali!” Kelley yelled as she grabbed her right ankle.

“Kelley!” Jill yelled as she unlaced Kelley’s boot.

“No coach! You saw that! None of that was ball!” Kelley threw her hands in the air and her teammates all watched on with sweaty brows and wide eyes. She groaned in pain as the coach took her boot off.

“Alright. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean it.” Ali bent down and held out her hand.

Kelley slapped it away.

“Hey!” Jill stood up, clearly upset at the display of behavior from her players.

Kelley quickly shot up, all of her weight on her left leg, and gave a strong push into Ali’s chest, sending the girl a few steps back.

‘Whoa’s’ and scampering stomps on the grass ensued as everyone surrounded the two girls. 

Ashlyn managed to pull back her girlfriend from behind before she was able to land another punch on Kelley’s face, and Tobin dragged Kelley back by a forceful pull after she managed to kick Ali straight in the stomach.

Everyone was breathing heavy, while Jill yelled her head off. Threats of suspension and getting kicked off the team were thrown out in the air from Jill’s mouth, but Kelley was shooting daggers at Ali, who looked miffed from the situation.

“It was an accident.” Tobin tried to cool Kelley down, who was still in her arms. 

“Fuck you guys! It wasn’t an accident! You all have it out for me!” Kelley yelled.

"KO, I'm sure tha-"

"No coach! Please believe me! These girls have it out for me!" Kelley yelled.

“O’Hara, that's ridiculous. I don’t like you, but I wouldn’t do that to a teammate! I have a sense of loyalty. Unlike you!” Ali spat back.

Kelley lunged forward, but Tobin’s hold was strong.

“ON THE LINE!” Jill yelled. Everyone groaned. “KO go to the trainer’s. And then you see me in my office when you get back. ” Jill growled. “Hope, make sure she goes.”

Hope slowly sat up from the sidelines, and hesitated before she grabbed Kelley’s arm and threw it over her shoulder. She helped her walk to the trainer’s as the rest of the team did sprints.

 

\--

 

“Can you wait with me until they tell me how bad it is?” Kelley looked like a small child on the big sports table. She let her legs dangle and swing after Hope helped her up.

“Ahh, I don’t think so, Kell.”

“Why not?”

Hope rubbed the back of her neck, unsure if she should continue talking to the girl.But she saw the big eyes from Kelley, and gave in.

“I got a GK meeting with Dani right after practice. So I actually gotta go...”

“But you have an injured hand, you shouldn’t be training with it.” Kelley said quickly and with a hint of concern.

“I know, I know. I’m not training with her today.”

“So then what are you doing with her?” Kelley asked a little too aggressively for Hope’s liking.

“Goalkeeper stuff.” Hope returned with a little more attitude.

“Is that code for a ‘date’?” Kelley asked like there was something sour in her mouth. She took in the sight of Hope who was dressing a lot nicer these days, now that Kelley thought about it. She was wearing her black jeans and a fitted white shirt, something simple, but Kelley knew that it was leaps and bounds beyond Hope’s usual track pants and soccer shirt. 

“Are you dating her?” Kelley asked with a scowl on her face.

“Alright, Kell.” Hope started walking to the door. “I hope that everything’s okay with your ankle.” Hope said without turning her back. 

 

\--

 

“You need to go home, Kelley.” Marcus said. There was no sympathy in his eyes. The girl had her hands on the back of her sweaty neck, while Marcus stood on the porch with his hands on his hips.

“I just want to talk to her.” She was getting used to begging for Hope’s attention.

Marcus sighed and shook his head.

“No. You’re not allowed here. You know that, Kell.”

“Please! Marcus, it’s me!” Kelley cried. She grabbed onto his arms, desperate to plead her case. But she should have known. It didn’t work on one Solo, it wouldn’t work on this one. 

He gently pushed her off, just like his sister.

He brushed off her pleas, just like his sister.

With every second, he was getting better at telling Kelley no, just like his sister.

His eyes were just blue, cold, unyielding, and unforgiving, just like his sister.

Rejection from Hope’s family sent her deeper into the unchartered waters of depression.

 

\--

 

“Don’t be such a buzzkill, O’Hara.” Trevor whined as he lit a cigarette and sat on the hood of her car. Adam nudged Kelley in the shoulder, knocking her out of her daze.

“So you lost a few friends. Who gives a shit? They’re all fucking psychos anyways.” Trevor said.

“Dude, just cool it.” Adam warned. He put his arm around Kelley, who hadn’t said a word the whole ten minutes that the five or so football guys that Kelley hung around these days with, were standing chatting around during lunch time. 

“I’m just saying, that Christen girl is a bitch.” Trevor laughed.

Kelley’s nostrils flared.

“Hey yo, but her girlfriend is pretty hot. You know, in that like, ‘you’re a lesbian, but I can save you’ way, you know what I mean?” Boy #2 said.

“Yeah, too bad Wright didn’t do his job right!” Boy # 3 said. Adam pushed him, but it resulted in the two boys in a standoff and the rest guffawing like idiots. Boys are idiots.

“Plus, Solo is just a lonely old dyke who needs a fucking. That’s why she’s so uptight all the time.” Trevor said. It was met with laughs and high fives. 

The girl’s fists were balled up and she looked straight at Adam, who looked down at his feet.

“Are you going to fucking say something to them or what?” She was angry.

“What, Wright what is is?” Trevor challenged.

Adam continued looking at his shoes.

“Fucking unbelievable.” Kelley muttered to herself. “I can’t stand you guys.” Kelley grabbed the keys out of her pocket and opened her car door.

“There you go being a buzzkill again, O’Hara!” Trevor said as he finished his cigarette.

“Eat shit, Trevor.” Kelley gave one last look at Adam, who had his head down. She drove off as the boys laughed.

 

\--

 

“I’m tired of this.” An exasperated Tobin stood with her arms folded as she sat in Christen’s car. 

“So am I. I just want to eat.” Christen said, avoiding her stare.  
“Chris. Stop. You’re a smart girl. You know that you’ve been acting so weird, lately. And it’s not vibing with me. You have to open up to me.” Tobin put her head back on the headrest, so tired from everything. “You need to tell me why you aren’t talking to Hope anymore. Why were you so upset with her the other week?”

Christen sighed.

“I don’t know.”

“How eloquent.” Tobin chuckled. Christen smiled.The tension was starting to ease.

“I’m just hurt.” Christen said slowly. She put emphasis on each word. Tobin furrowed her brow.

“Why?” She asked. Christen looked up and around, trying to form words.

“I don’t know.” Christen said, but this time, it was genuine. She put her car in drive and took her and her girlfriend to lunch. 

Tobin tried her hardest not to press the issue, but just like everyone and their mother, she was getting to their breaking point. The anger, frustration, confusion, and jealousy was bubbling underneath, and when Christen turned to her to ask her if she wanted a side of fries, Tobin blurted out, “Do you have feelings for Hope??”

It was loud and the people in line looked at her with confusion. The midfielder excused herself out of sheer embarrassment and walked back to the car and left an open mouthed Christen Press standing in her spot in front of the cashier.

 

\--

 

Hope: Please stop calling me [5:23pm]

Kelley looked at the message over and over again.

_But, she doesn’t mean it. This is like her. She’s annoyed, but she still loves me._

Kelley called a few more times. 

Hope: Kelley, I’m serious. [5:26pm]

Kelley bit her lip.

She called again.

“Kelley. Please. STOP.” Hope’s voice came through the speaker. It was urging and begging with a hint of authority.

“Can I please see you?” Kelley begged. She heard Hope sigh through phone.

“No.”

“Please?”

“Kell, I don’t want to-”

Kelley could see Hope stop in her tracks and look her straight in the eye from a distance. Kelley hung up the phone and gently pushed off the wall of the ditch and walked towards a still Hope Solo. The sight of the girl was exhilarating.

“Hi.” Kelley offered a small smile.

Hope didn’t answer, she just stood there staring. Kelley’s shoulder dropped when she realized that the keeper was not going to engage.

“I miss you.” Kelley whispered.

No response.

“I miss you.” Kelley pressed again and took a step closer. Hope still hadn’t moved but Kelley could see the way Hope’s jaw clenched.

“What do you want, Kell?” Hope asked. “And why are you here? Why aren’t you at practice?” Hope scrunched up her face in confusion.

“I can ask you the same thing.” Kelley said.

“I have a broken hand.” Hope said.

“I have a broken heart.” Kelley looked her straight in the eye.

Hope scoffed.

“Fuck off, Kelley.” Hope continued to walk past the girl and through the ditch at a leisurely pace.

“Please don’t be like this to me.” Kelley said through a small whimper. She pulled Hope back by a tug from her shirt and Hope stopped and turned to face her with no expression.

“Okay, Kelley.” Hope said in a flat tone. Kelley searched for any emotion in the girl’s face. All she could find was boredom.

“H-How have you been?” Kelley asked timidly. She actually never thought that she would find success in staking out Hope’s usual stomping grounds, so she didn’t really have time to prepare what she would say.

Hope chuckled at the ridiculousness of the conversation, “Fine.”

“Um...How’s your hand?”

“It’s fine, Kelley.”

“So.. Are you really going to Washington?” Kelley asked sadly.

This time Hope hesitated before she looked down at her feet and nodded.

“That’s where Dani went, right?” Kelley asked with the smallest amount of bitterness to her voice.

Hope stuffed her splint and hand in her pockets and shook her head. She could detect where this conversation was going.

“Yes, Kelley.”

“Well.....i’m happy for you.”

Hope looked up and met the girl’s gaze. “No, you’re not, Kell.”

Kelley opened her mouth, then closed it. _I promised her that I would tell her the truth from now on._

“Fine. I’m not” Kelley said a little aggressively. Hope laughed at the situation at hand. “Are you going there because of _her_?”

“No.” Hope said with a bored tone.

“Do you have feelings for her?” The smaller girl was close to tears now.

Hope sighed.

“I’m stopping this conversation right here.” The keeper held her hands up, which Kelley quickly grabbed onto. Hope rolled her eyes, but she didn’t have the energy to fight.

“Well do you? I saw her give you a ride home a couple of times. What does she have that I don’t?” The tears started to fall. 

“I’m not having this co-”

“I can deal with you going to Washington if that’s what you really wanted, but if it’s because of her, I don’t-”

“Kell.” Hope said her name with no emotion. No begging, no pleading, no affection, and as far as Kelley could tell, no love. It silenced her.

“You don’t have the privilege of asking me these questions anymore.” Hope said seriously and calmly. “And I don’t with you either. Okay? When I found out that you slept with Adam, I didn’t harass you and call you fifty mill-”

“WAIT. WHAT???” That squeezing sensation that usually ended up in tears and throw-up was starting to creep on Kelley’s head.

Hope shrugged. “Yeah. Adam spilled your secret. But listen, it’s your life.” Kelley noticed that Hope didn’t look sad or mad, she just looked tired. 

“Hope...” Kelley started hyperventilating. “It’s a FUCKING LIE. I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!”

“Listen, it’s none of my business anymore if you did-”

“NO! FUCKING LISTEN TO ME. I DID NOTHING MORE THAN KISS HIM THAT ONE TIME ALI SAW ME!” Kelley’s face was getting flushed, and Hope’s eyes widened at the sudden outburst.

“I know you hate me,” Kelley’s voice cracked, “And I know that you want nothing to do with me. BUT PLEASE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THAT I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM!”

Silence.

 

“Okay, Kelley.” Hope said after awhile.She gently wriggled out of Kelley’s hold. She saw the panic in the girl’s eyes. 

“Do you believe me??” Kelley wrapped her arms around Hope’s middle so tightly. She desperately wanted her touch to speak for itself. _I would never. I couldn't. I can't. It's not possible._

Unlike when they were kids, Hope wasn’t hugging back.

“I don't believe you.”

Kelley let go of the taller girl, stepped back a few steps and searched Hope’s guarded eyes. 

“You’re being so calm and indifferent to me.” Kelley said quietly.

Hope frowned at the irony of the situation. Months ago the topic of her indifference in this same exact spot, this same exact ditch, led to a beginning of a relationship. Now it was the end of one.

 

\--

 

Christen Press locked the door before Tobin could get out. That earned her a glare.

“I’m nipping this in the bud, Tobin Heath. I do not have feelings for Hope. I repeat, I do not have feelings for Hope.”

“Then what is your deal, CP?” Tobin asked.

"I don't know."

“That's bullshit, Chris. You know everything.” Tobin said. A smile creeped in on the last part. 

Christen sighed. 

“Okay fine.”

Tobin waited patiently. 

“I was just hurt. By both of them.” Christen said simply. 

“Explain, Stanford.”

Christen groaned. “I'm FUCKING pissed at Kelley!”the forward threw her hands up. “I'm feel so stupid because I feel like I should have seen this coming. I should have known she was going to pull something like this.”

“C, there's no way you could have known....”

“No, tobs. You don't understand. I know Kelley through and through. I've seen the way she's been with boys and with Hope her whole life. And I know you have to, but Kell and I are different. I just know everything she's going to do. I know it before she knows it.”

“Okay so-”

“But beside that, I'm hurt that she didn't come to me! I mean, I'm used to Kell doing her own thing, but she always eventually tells me she always eventually opens up to me. Sometimes before she opens up to Hope.

And I gave her space, thinking that she would come to me eventually. But she never did. And I have no idea why.” Christen looked down at her lap. 

“She's my best friend. And we don't always see eye to eye, but Kelley ALWAYS comes to ME. And I know she was going through some stuff, figuring out herself and her sexuality, but....” christen sighed. “I felt betrayed and left out.”

Tobin took a moment to digest. 

“Okay, I can understand that. But why'd you get so upset with Hope?”

“I just got strangely and possesively protective of Hope. At first, I thought that it was sorta my fault. Like I could have stopped this if I had broken through to Kell and read all of the signs correctly. I felt like I should have known. 

But then, Hope graciously told me that it wasn't my fault and I don't know I just felt so grateful to her. And even though the world was crumbling around her, she did the one thing Kelley failed to do. Which was open up to me.” Christen looked at Tobin with sad eyes. 

“Hope and I have always been good friends. You know that. And I think we both just felt really hurt by Kelley. And that's why we've gotten so much closer.” Christen grabbed Tobin’s hand. 

“I understand.” Tobin said softly. 

“I was so pissed at her for letting Kelley do what Kelley always does. Which is: create a mess before she fixes it.

Kelley’s always been like that. And I love her for that sometimes. She goes through life so head on and fearlessly. But sometimes, there are some casualties in the way. 

And I just didn't want Hope’s prospect of playing for college to be one of them. I just wanted to protect the friend that I still had. I felt like I gave her all the answers, but she ignored all of them. And Hope didn't have much experience in relationships as much as Kelley did. I don't know. I just got emotionally involved in this one.” 

“Okay but now you know that it wasn't a real relationship. Does that not change things for you? Even a little bit...?” 

“Well does it for you?” Christen asked curiously. 

“Well...yeah. Kinda.” Tobin looked on thoughtfully. “I saw the way her mom reacted when she found out I was gay. She probably felt like it was the right thing at the time. It was stupid. But sometimes we all have our reasons.”

“I guess I'm just different Tobs. I have her chances. So many of them! Now, I just can't believe a thing she says! She could have opened up to me, I could have helped her! I would have talked to her! I could have-”

“Babe.” Tobin squeezed her girlfriends hands. “You can't solve everyone's problems. Sure you can see them, and you may know what's best, but you can't do it for people. They gotta do it.”

Christen hung her head. 

“And CP,” Tobin picked up the forwards chin, “I know you care and your passionate and I love that about you. I can see by the way you care about both of them. 

But babe, that also means that you can't ostracize the people you care about just because they make a mistake.” Tobin said sadly. 

“If you do that every time, you're going to be so lonely in this world.” 

Christen nodded. She brought Tobin’s hand to her lips and held it there. 

“How did I get so lucky?” Christen asked dreamily. 

Tobin shrugged but smiled with a smug grin. 

“I love you. “ Christen said softly. 

Tobins heart jumped. 

“Chris, you realize that's the f-”

“I do, Tobs. But I don't know if you can handle my convoluted and calculating ways...” Christen said slowly. 

“I’d do anything for it, CP.” Tobin said seriously.

“Even long distance...?” 

“Even long distance.” Tobin said warmly. 

 

\--

 

“Pressy, what are you doing here?” Erin O’Hara said with one eyebrow raised. She twirled her keys in her hand and walked up the driveway and onto the porch next to the younger girl.

“Hey, Er. To be honest...I don’t know.” Christen chuckled. “I came here to talk to your sister, but I haven’t quite gotten around to ringing that doorbell.”

“Did my sister fuck up again?” Erin said with a chuckle.

“No, surprisingly not. Well not that I know of...” Christen smiled. “I’m actually here to apologize to her....” Christen said it with a pained expression.

“You?? Perfect Pressy has done something wrong??” Erin held her hand to her chest and looked mock aghast.

“Yeah, can you believe it?”” Christen said with a smirk.

“Well hey, you just missed her. I think she said she was going to see Adam.” Erin said calmly.

“....what?”

“Oh I think she said something about ripping his balls off. Said that he lied about getting in her pants. I don’t know, you kids are crazy these days.” Erin said with a wave of her hand.

Christen was sent deep in thought.

“Anyways, it might take awhile since it’ll take awhile to find his balls, but you’re welc- where you going??” Erin shouted out.

“I gotta talk to Hope!” Christen was sprinting back to her car.

 

\--

 

The tires on her car were lined up perpendicular to the lines of parking spots. She stared ahead at the brick wall of Uncle Tito’s tacos and looked at the line of bricks that lined up perfectly with her bumper. 

_I could do it you know. At Tito’s the most glamorous of fucking places._

Kelley looked at the flickering street light that illuminated the spot on the brick wall that she was fixated on. It was like a spotlight, telling her that this was the spot. This was what you needed to pay attention to. This would give you the answers.

She looked at the street full of parked cars. No doubt, the owners of those cars were eating at restaurants, going to the nearby shops, going to the small bars in town. _Those people probably don’t have a care in the world. Happy lives, Kelley dives._ She watched with distaste as a couple walked down the street hand in hand. She looked back at her illuminated spot on the wall.

_I’d be doing the world a favor. That place is nasty._ Kelley chuckled at her dark thoughts.

Kelley leaned her head back and felt the squeakiness of the leather on the back of her head. She gripped the armrests and felt the smoothness and texture of real leather. She took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of sweat, new car, and, it stabbed her in the heart to realize, a hint of Tide. She looked up at the moon and realized it’s fullness tonight. It was bright and vibrant, and Kelley wished that she could be the moon. Then she looked at the few stars that you could see in the city night and realized, that maybe she ought to reconsider her wishes. The moon was only bright because of the sun, and without it, it was just a rock. The girl couldn’t help but feel like maybe she was just as useless as a rock without Hope, her sun, her core, her center of gravity.

She unbuckled her seat belt.

_No one should ever have to feel this bad._ She thought of Hope’s strong arms wrapping around her and her strong calloused hands inside of her. She wouldn’t have that anymore.

_It will hurt really bad for a second, but after that the pain will just stop. The panic attacks will stop._ She thought of Hope’s lips. So skilfull and plush. She thought of Hope’s blue, dreamy eyes. So wondrous and mysterious. But then, she also thought of how biting the words that escaped from those lips could be, and how cold and unloving her stare had become.

_It will just make everything better. Dad won’t be so disappointed all of the time. Erin won’t be annoyed all of the time. Jerry won’t have a sister, just like he wants. I won’t bother Hope anymore. The team won’t have to deal with me or my mess._

Kelley put the car in neutral.

_It’s for everyone._

She stepped on the gas pedal. The engine roared. Her stomach jumped.

_Vrooooom._

_It’s also for me._

_Vrooooom._ She stepped on it harder. With more confidence.

_It’s also for Hope._

_Vrooooom. Vrooooom. Vrooooom._

Kelley looked down at the stick shift for a few seconds. Life was ringing in her ears. She put it in drive.

She stepped on the gas.

 

Ringing bursted throughout the speakers and echoed so loudly and reverberated all around the girl. Kelley slammed on the brakes and for a split second she thought that this was for sure hell.

When another sound of a phone ringing burst through the speakers again, Kelley looked at the dashboard and saw the message:

 

Hope calling

 

Goosebumps formed all over her body. Her hands started to shake and she let what must be the adrenaline coarse through her veins. Hair on her arms stood up, the colors she saw with her eyes more vivid, the light from the street lamp was bright, and Kelley could feel a sour taste form in her mouth. The girl’s eyes were popping out of her head as the ringing continued.

Her hands were uncontrollable and the weak as they shook, but she somehow managed to press the green answer button on the dash.

“Hello?” The girl’s voice cracked.

“Hey kid.” Hope’s voice boomed through the speakers. 

Not a second later were the tears and the tremors erupting from the girl’s body.

“Hi, Hope.” She said softly. She didn’t want her tone to betray her and give it away that she was a disastrous, shaking mess.

“I, uh, I had sometime to think about our last conversation.” Kelley couldn’t really pick up on the softness of her voice, because she was too busy furiously rubbing her skin to get rid of the sensation that it was crawling.

“I just called to say that I believe you.”

The world stopped. For just a second.

Kelley covered her mouth to stifle the sobs that burst through. All of the pent up energy that prepared her body for its destructive demise was settling in the base of her brain and in the pit of her stomach and her mouth gasped and let out a cry. Her hand covered its full effect. 

“I can't say that I forgive you, kid. But I do believe you.” Hope’s voice was soft and gentle and it resonated within Kelley’s soul. 

“Thank you” Kelley managed to get out through her sobs. “for believing in me first.” She was nodding furiously, not caring that Hope couldn't see her. 

“Of course" Hope said with conviction. "I hope you have a good night, okay kid?” It was in an affectionate tone. 

The girl wiped the tears that fell. _She believes me._

“You too, Solo.” She said quietly. 

She heard two beeps, signaling the end of the call. 

Kelley put the car in park. Her sobs wrecked her whole body and echoed all throughout the car as the realization of what just happened swallowed her whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever feel this way, don't hesitate - http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
> 
>  
> 
> -Wretched


	16. I Want What's Mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "As Christen locked the door, all she could see was a disarray of hair and heartbreak, and a total wreck. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what I just wrote. I'm delirious.

“SOLO!”

Hope looked to the sidelines when the chorus of many yells of her name interrupted her from her game focus. 

_What the fuck...?_

The keeper could only see Kling jumping and down on the sidelines and pointing to her hands. Then she saw Jill impatiently and fiercely motioning Hope to come to the sideline.

“Hope! Go!” Julie yelled out her. The blonde was pointing at Kelley, who was standing right next to the assistant referee. The keeper hesitated, but then ran over.

“What is go-”

“Hope, quick! Give Kelley your gloves!!” Jill yelled.

Hope looked on with widened eyes.

“C’mon Ref. It’s time wasting!” The opposing coach on the other half of the field yelled. That snapped Hope out of her thoughts and Hope looked down at the red and white gloves on her hand. It was the same ones she broke into Kelley’s car to retrieve. 

“You’re down 8-0! Why would we time waste??” Kling yells from the bench. She gets quickly pulled back from Mal, who puts a hand on the older girl’s mouth to shut her up.

Hope looked Kelley in the eyes and the two exchanged sad smiles before Kelley took the goalie gloves that Hope held out to her. The keeper noticed that Kelley was wearing the same goalkeeping jersey she was wearing, and saw that it belonged to Ashlyn, who was now playing in the midfield. Kelley held out her own jersey in her hand for Hope to wear.

“Hope! Come in, we will get you in next sub!” Jill yelled. 

When the keeper ran onto the field with the number 19 on her back, it felt surreal. The number she wore and the position she took as forward on the field were all too much to process. But she didn’t have time, since they had a game to finish.

“You better score in your last season game, Solo. Because we are taking this state title!” Pinoe yelled after she wiped the sweat from her brow from her position in midfield before the ball got played in.

And Hope did.

When the ball hit the back of the net. Hope stood in her spot and smiled. Sweet victory. Even though the score was 9-0, and their opponents had a zero chance of winning, it was still a sweet victory that the number one goalkeeper in the nation scored in her last season high school game. The crowd went wild. Kling ran around the bench waving her towel, while Tobin started breaking out in a clumsy dance. The team mobbed around Hope, while the opponents just stood there with their heads down.

On the jog back to their half, Hope saw Kelley jumping up and down and slapping her gloves together furiously. The small girl quickly stopped when she saw Hope looking straight at her.

Hope slowly gave her a thumbs up in the air.

She saw Kelley quickly give a thumbs up back.

When the final whistled, all of the seniors dropped down to their knees and wept, Hope included. They were going to state.

Jill picked Hope up from the ground.

“Happy birthday, Solo.” Jill said warmly. She squeezed her shoulder. “What a way to celebrate, huh??” Hope brought her coach into a hug.

Over Jill’s shoulder, Hope swore she saw her dad in the stands.

 

\--

 

“HS! Why haven’t we been playing you as forward?!?” Tobin screamed at Hope as the girls changed into their normal everyday clothes back in their school’s soccer cage.

Each of the girls gave Hope a high five, a slap on the butt, and a bunch of ‘happy birthday!’s. Christen gave Hope a long and silent hug.

“I’m proud of you.” Christen whispered.

“CP, it was just one goal. Against THAT team.” Hope joked as she held her friend close.

“Still. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be proud of you.” Christen said sweetly.

Over Christen’s head, the keeper saw Kelley enter the cage. The small girl was previously missing from all of the celebrations and festivities. It hurt Hope for a second to see Kelley avoid everyone’s stares and go straight to her locker. This was their last season game, _we’re going to state for fuck’s sake,_ and it hurt her to see that Kelley had no one to celebrate it with. 

For the past month, Hope had minimal contact with Kelley. The small girl had texted her when Hope had posted a progress picture of her hand without a splint on Instagram, saying that she was glad that her hand was healed. Hope texted her when she noticed that Kelley drove up with a new window in her passenger side, saying that she was glad that it was able to be fixed. 

Hope gave Kelley a big smile and a quiet ‘Congratulations’ when Christen and Kelley had a small signing event for Stanford, in which practice was cancelled so that the team could celebrate the first of many signings to come.

The two shared glances across the school hall, during practice, and every once in awhile, Hope would give her a thumbs up or fist bump on the field, but other than that, their lives had separated.

And, as Hope stood there with Christen right next to her, staring at her ex-girlfriend, Hope could feel how much Kelley had left her life. It was hurting her. Because this wasn't exactly what she wanted. Maybe pride or stubbornness had gotten in the way, but it wasn't feeling too good either, not having Kelley tugging on her shirt. 

Hope stared on as Tobin slowly came up to Kelley and gaveher a big hug. Ashlyn slowly followed and picked up the freckled face girl in a hug and twirled her around. Mal and a bunch of the freshman started to chat with Kelley. The keeper’s shoulder fell a little when she saw Kelley smile and engage the young girls. _It’s not your place anymore, Solo._

“It’s good. She needs people.” Christen says softly and knowingly to Hope. Christen walked over to her own locker to continue packing up her bags.

“Solo! So you’re house for the party??” Ashlyn yelled from her spot next to Kelley.

“OOooo what party??” Mal asked excitedly.

“No freshman allowed!” Kling yelled.

“Kling you act like a freshman. You’re not invited.” Pinoe said as she walked out of the cage. “I’ll be there later, Solo.”

Hope chuckled. “Mal, you and the fishies are definitely invited. It’s just pizza and movies and whatever at my house. Nothing crazy. You guys can go over to my place now if you want.” 

The young girls clapped and excitedly giggled and shuffled out of the cage, feeling cool that they were going to a senior’s birthday party.

Everyone shuffled out of the cage, including Kelley, before Hope was finished changing and packing up. Hope thanked life for the silent locker room. She fondly ran her fingers over her locker and stared around at the cage where she had spent four years in, creating memories. So many memories with the team, so many wins, so many losses. It hit her that this was her last season game. She was glad that no one was around as the tears welled up in her eyes.

 

\--

 

The keeper strolled out of the cage and into the cool night.

“Hope.” Kelley’s voice was small and mousy.

A little startled, Hope turned around to see Kelley leaning against the brick wall, waiting for her. From the small amount of light coming from the light on from the streetlight off in the distance, Hope could see her ex girlfriend in the dark. The look of nervousness was so apparent on her face, it was like Kelley’s highlighter yellow shoes in the dark.

“Hey superstar.” Hope said. Kelley chuckled. They were starting to fall into a rhythm again. It was so instant, that it frightened the keeper on a subconscious level. 

“I’m thinking that the converted keeper was probably the superstar in that game.” Kelley said with a soft smile.

“Says the girl who scored five times that they needed to put her in goal.” Hope said with a smirk.

Kelley’s eyes crinkled as she sweetly smiled at Hope and the two started gravitating towards each other. There was a comfortable silence as they momentarily got lost in each other’s gaze.

“So uh, what’s up? Just standing out here in the dark?”

“Oh!” Kelley pulled her backpack so that it was on her front and started grabbing some stuff out.

“Here.” Kelley handed her a medium-sized gift bag.

“Kell. You really didn-”

“Just take it.” Kelley said quickly. “It took me a long time to think about what to get you.”

“Okay.” Hope said slowly. She didn’t even ask if Kelley wanted her to open it now or later, because even though it felt like forever since Hope had had a conversation with the girl, she knew her to the core.

She pulled out the small thing, a small envelope. She opened it and then smiled when she realized what it was.

“A gift card for bubble tea?” Hope asked with a chuckled.

“So you can order as many gross milk teas as you want.” Kelley said with a bright smile. Hope ignored the way her stomach felt at the sight of that smile. She picked out a much bigger item wrapped in tissue paper. It was two t-shirts folded and wrapped together.

“Kell.” Hope said in awe. “This is vintage! How did you get it??” Hope asked excitedly. She held up an old school GVFC club shirt that her dad always wore. 

“I have my ways, Solo.” Kelley said mischievously.

“I figured that since you could never find your dad’s old one, that you would enjoy it. Even though your club team sucked.”

Hope playfully shook her head when she looked at the other shirt.

This one quieted her.

She read the letters: UNIVERSITY OF WASHINGTON

Hope stared at her, unable to form words. Kelley watched Hope struggle to find words with anticipation.

“Thank you.” Was all she could say. It was genuine. Kelley nodded.

Then, Hope pulled out the last present at the bottom of the bag: one bottle of Red’s Apple Ale.

“I, um. I’m really sorry that things happened the way they did.” Kelley said quietly. She was looking down at her feet. “I messed up. But, I just wanted you to know that I’ve never, _ever_ , loved someone as much as I love you.”

Hope’s stomach churned some more. 

“I’m really happy that you’re going to go where you want for the next few years. I-” Kelley sighed. “I know that you never wanted to go to Stanford. And it still hits me right here everyday when I realize that you won’t be going to the same school as me, but I love you and I want you to be happy. And this,” Kelley pointed at the bottle of alcohol, “is just a little token. Saying congrats for scoring the goal, but also to show you that I will never forget you. Even if I tried. No one has ever made love to me the way you have” Kelley’s voice was starting to crack. She paused. “And uh- and no one has ever shown me love the way you have. No one will ever give me the kind of memories you have given me.”

“I’ll always remember our first date, Hopey.” Kelley finished quietly.

_I couldn't forget that if I tried._

The pace of Hope’s breathing was picking up as she closed the distance between them, with her hands on Kelley’s hips. 

They were both leaning in when they heard a honk in the distance. Kelley’s eyes were gently closed when she felt the air change and Hope pull away, putting distance between them.

“Who’s that?” Kelley said, disappointingly.

Hope sighed.

“That’s Dani.” Hope avoided her stare. “She's my ride.”

Kelley didn’t look up from her feet when she heard Hope jog away.

 

 

\--

 

Tobs: She told me that you’re invited. So go. I’m not asking. [7:14pm]

KO: Tobs, I’m not up for it. [7:16pm]

KO: I’ve been exiled from that house. Her mom and brother don’t want me there. Hope doesn’t want me there. [7:18pm]

KO: Plus, her girlfriend is probably going to be there... [7:24pm]

Tobs: Idk what you’re talking about some girlfriend. But it’s too late. I’m here at your house. So come out. [7:45pm]

KO: GO AWAY TOBS [7:45pm]

Tobs: I can stand out here all night KO [7:46pm]

Kelley looked out of her window to see Tobin in a beat up jeep.

KO: New wheels???? [7:48pm]

Tobs: Your carriage awaits. [7:48pm]

 

\--

 

“Marcus threw all of the alcohol all away.” Judy reassured Hope.

The girl quickly took her mother in for a long hug.

“I love you.” Hope whispered into her mother’s ear.

“One day at a time.” Judy said with a sad smile.

“I have you here today.” Hope said with a warm smile.

 

\--

 

DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER: Please come. [8:30pm]

Kelley: What about your family not wanting me there? [8:34pm]

DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER: Its my birthday. They understand that I want you here. [8:42pm]

Kelley looked down at the text. Then she looked over at Tobin.

“See??” Tobin said excitedly.

“Tobs, I don’t know about this.” Kelley bit down on her fingernails while she stared out the passenger side window out at Hope’s familiar front door. 

“Hey.” Tobin grabbed Kelley’s hand gently. “I’m here for you.” The midfielder could see Kelley’s guarded and cautious stare. It hurt Tobin a little that rambunctious O’Hara was so hurt and scared that she couldn’t even see that Tobin was being genuine. 

“I know that life’s been shitty. And, I know that us as a team probably haven’t helped...” Tobin chuckled at Kelley’s playful eye roll. “But, I’m here, now.” Tobin looked Kelley straight in the eye.

“We were all pretty worked up about what happened when we saw you with him at the fields. And, I don’t know if you’re asking for my opinion-”

“What’s your opinion, Tobs?” Kelley asked with genuine interest.

“I think that what you did to Hope was pretty shitty.” Kelley looked down at her lap.

“But, I know how it feels, Kell. Out of everyone, I know how you feel.” Tobin said sadly. 

“ Hope’s mom didn’t give a crap when she found out about you two, Stacy says that I’m better than any man on this world and that Christen’s lucky to have me.” Tobin dusted off her shoulder as Kelley chuckled.

“That wasn’t the same story for me. You know that.” Tobin said quietly.

Kelley nodded.

“So I get it. I do. I just wish you would have let me help you.” Tobin said sadly. “Chris is killing herself because she feels like she did something wrong because you didn't come to her.” Tobin sighed. “I think we both just wished that you would have asked for help this time. We WOULD have given it to you.”

Kelley sat looking at Tobin's hands, not quite ready to look her in the eye. 

“I just felt...alone.” She said lamely after a silent pause. 

“I know.” Tobin said softly. 

Another silent pause.

“But you're not.” Tobin gave her a warm smile. 

 

\--

 

“Where's your gf?” Hope asked as Christen and Kling walked through the front door. 

 

“She's picking up, Kell. I don't think Kelley was going to show unless someone dragged her over here so I sent Tobs to do the dirty work.” Christen said with a toothy grin. 

“Wha-cha! Whipped!” Kling said before she started perusing through Netflix to find a movie to put on. The small defender debated with Marcus on a choice of movie. 

“Thanks, CP.” Hope said quietly. Christen patted her on the shoulder before she strode into the kitchen to help Judy bring out the snacks. Hope was left to fiddle with her thumbs. She pulled out her phone to text the only person she wanted to. 

 

\--

 

“Hope. Make yourself useful.” Judy shouted from the kitchen. 

“It's my birthday!” Hope whined. 

“Yeah, you're 18. So that makes you an adult. You can start working. So start by getting off your butt and taking out the trash to the curb!” Judy yelled. Hope rolled her eyes. Christen chuckled. 

She put her clunky phone in her pocket before she went outside and tossed the trash can to the curb in a not-so-gentle manner. She saw the lid pop off, but figured that _eh, that's good enough_ Even though she was being a teenager and taking some satisfaction in the fact that she was only half assedly obeying her mom's order, she knew that she still had to do just what her mom asked. Because life was better with an annoying mom, rather than a drunk one. 

 

\--

 

“Tobs, wait.” Kelley stopped in her tracks. She looked around at all of the cars in the driveway and it hit her that all of the girls that had exiled her were all in that house before her. 

Tobin looked back and saw Kelley zone out in her own head. 

“Can I just prepare myself? Ya know like- I think I need a minute.” Kelley said. The forward started breathing heavy and she put both of her hands on the back of her neck. 

The midfielder could tell something was up. 

“What do you need?” Tobin asked warmly. 

“I jus-” the small girl could hardly catch her breath. “Tobs I- I just need some fresh air. I just need a moment.” Kelley managed to get out. 

“Okay, okay, okay. I'll leave you to it. How about this.. I'll have my phone on me. Text me and I'll come out to get you so you don't have to walk in alone.”

 

Kelley nodded furiously. 

 

 

\--

 

“Where’s-”

“Just give her a sec. A breather, ya know?” Tobin said. 

Hope and Christen looked at each other before they nodded. 

 

“Oh my gosh. You are the best girlfriend ever..” Tobin said with a low tone that was filled with awe. Christen handed her the Xbox console with the corresponding controllers, while Ashlyn excitedly danced as she held FIFA 16 in her hand. 

“BOOM! Let's go Heath. I'm taking you down!” Ali said. They quickly set up a game on the tv, much to Kling and the freshman’s dismay. 

Hope, Christen, Ashlyn, and Moe all stood around and watched. 

 

\--

 

It wasn't until Tobin got beat in her second match against Julie, someone who claimed that she had never played before; a fact that Tobin doesn't believe, that she realized that Kelley still hadn't texted her. 

It had been 15 minutes. Tobin quickly dropped the controller and tried to be discreet in leaving the house, but both Christen and Hope looked at each other. 

 

\--

 

“Hey there, superstar. “ Ashlyn said quietly as she wrapped Kelley in her arms. 

 

“You're the superstar, Harris.” Kelley loudly said into Ashlyn's chest. 

 

“Get serious, KO. We all know who's going to be the USWNT star forward.” Ashlyn said with a warm tone. 

 

Everyone gathered around to greet Kelley, only Hope, Christen, and Ali hung back a little. After Christen gave a shy wave, she looked at Tobin, who had her hands on her hip and was biting her lip. 

_What is it?_ Christen’s questioning stare aimed at her girlfriend seemed to ask. 

Tobin just shook her head. 

 

Everyone had the tactfulness to busy themselves in the ongoing FIFA game between Mal and Pinoe, while Hope approached Kelley. 

“You uh.. want something to eat? We got snacks.” Hope was so nervous that that was the best line she could come up with. 

 

 

\--

 

“Your mom hates me.” Kelley threw her hands up in a dramatically playful way as they stood alone in a rare moment that they could pull away. 

“No.” Hope chuckled. 

“Marcus hates me.” Throwing her hands up again. 

“No.” Hope repeated. Still chuckling. 

Kelley's smile faded, just a little. 

“You hate me.” 

Hope shot her an exasperated grin. 

“Never.”

“Are you sure, Hopey?” Kelley poked Hope in the chest and made a popping sound as she pronounced Hope’s name. The keeper cocked her head to the side, a little confused and amused by Kelley’s sudden transition to her old personality. 

“I'm sure, Kell.” Hope said as she rubbed at where the small girl poked her. “Thanks for the gifts, by the way. It meant a lot.” Hope said quietly as she looked down at her feet. 

“Well, I love ya.” Kelley said simply with a lazy grin. 

Hope nodded and took a deep breath. 

“I love you too.” Hope said quietly. 

 

And then, Kelley straight up laughed, clapping her hands. 

_Not the reaction I was expecting, but okay._

 

“Then why am I not good enough for you?” Kelley shrugged her shoulder and held up her hands in mock bewilderment. 

The keeper furrowed her brow. 

“What are you-”

“I mean, I know I'm not perfect but how the hell was it so easy for you to get over me??” Kelley's smile was still there, but the edge beneath it and the bite within its undertones clipped at Hope. 

Hope stood there to let Kelley continue. 

“I can't fu-” Kelley's face started to slacken a little. “I'm clearly still not over you. So tell me how you did it?” Kelley stepped closer. She was challenging a silent Hope. “How'd you do it, Solo? Did you get over me by getting under someone else?” Kelley wiggled her eyebrows, satisfied at the her use of that ghastly phrase. 

Hope took in the way Kelley's eyes glazed over and lazily rolled. 

“Why are you being like this?” Hope closed in on the girl. 

“Being like what?” Kelley rolled her eyes. “I'm just calling out how suspiciously easy it was for you to stop talking to me.” 

“It wasn't easy for me!” Hope raised her voice. “You think that I've just been coasting along since our breakup? You think-” Hope grabbed Kelley when the girl was about to walk away. She held her there. “You think I haven't been hurt by all of this?” She hushed into her face. 

Kelley rolled her eyes again. 

“I KNOW you have been “coasting” along since our break up. Especially with that slut.” Kelley slurred.

That's when Hope realized. 

The keeper wrinkled her nose as she inhaled Kelley's breath that touched her face. 

“Are you drunk?” Hops asked in a growl. The loudness, the brashness, the laziness in her motions, and the glazed look all made sense. 

“No. “

Hope clenched her jaw. 

“Don't fucking lie to me, Kell.”

In lieu of a response, the small girl just grabbed Hopes hand and unsuccessfully tried to pull her closer, but the tall girl just pulled back. 

After Kelley's silence sunk in and Hope got her answer, the tall girl ran her fingers through her scalp and wiped her face. 

_Why? Why today? When everyone was supposed to be sober, and this day was just supposed to be MY day. A day full of happiness in the midst of all of this shit. Why, Kell? Why, now? Why can't you just pull through for me?_

Hope sighed. “You're drunk.”

“And you're a whore.”

Hope didn't hear the rest of what came out of the girls mouth. She looked onto the Kelley’s eyes and saw that she was actually really far gone. She looked even more inebriated than the night they spent at the soccer fields. Tonight was not going to be a night to have a talk. 

“Get out of my house.” Hope said softly. 

Kelley shook her head and let out repeated no’s. 

“Why? Is it because Dani’s coming over?” Her speech was increasingly slurred from even just a minute ago. 

“It's because I don't want you in my sight when you're like this.” Hope growled. 

Kelley stumbled out of the kitchen. 

 

\--

 

“I'm worried about you.” 

“Then just take care of me.” Kelley said in a low and breathy tone. She looked up with her puppy dog eyes. 

Adam looked on with wide eyes as the girl started planting kisses on the outside of his shirt on top of his chest. He could feel the seductive dulled touch of her lips on his skin and he inhaled the sweet smell of her shampoo. Her hands were all on his back and he could feel himself harden. 

The boy looked around at his messy room. 

_This is so not romantic. This isn't how I imagined it._

But his thoughts got pushed away when he felt Kelley's lips on his neck. 

 

He ferociously planted his lips on the girl’s mouth and carried her in one motion onto his bed. He let go of the fact that her mouth tasted like vodka, and kind of wished that he had some right now. He could feel Kelley’s whole body give in and let him have control and the sound of Kelley letting out a little moan as he bit down on her whole lip was enough for his hormones to override his nerves. 

“Fuck.” Kelley whispered as Adam ran his mouth up and down her neck. He unbuttoned Kelley's shirt, a little confused as to why Kelley was dressed up for a second, but then he grabbed at her chest and and run his mouth all over her exposed skin. The girl had her eyes closed and he felt her shudder. When his lips landed back on Kelley’s, he immediately thought of how soft they were and how enticing her tongue felt and how they would feel if her mouth was in his pants. He quickly tore off the jeans she was wearing. 

He got harder at the sight of Kelley in her underwear and he quickly put his hand where it mattered most. He rubbed her gently over her thong and he watched as she moaned and her eyes were closed shut with pleasure. His mouth found her neck again.

“Omg, Hope.” Kelley moaned.

The boy quickly stopped.

 

\--

 

“Cheer up, Hopester. You’re eighteen now! You can buy cigarettes, you can buy a lotto ticket, hell you can even get tried as an adult now!” Kling said excitedly after she made a ping pong ball into the red cup of coke that she had intended to.

“I am cheery, Kling.” Hope said with a flat voice. She lined up the small ball so that she could shoot.

“Yeah, right. Your mom is having more fun with Stacy over there than you are.” Kling pointed at the two mothers gossiping in the corner.

Hope took her shot, groaned when she missed, and then felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She opened it to find a number that she didn’t recognize calling her. She let it go to voicemail.

“Hope Solo, what kind of aim is that?” Moe said. “You,out of all of us, are supposed to have the best aim with your hands.” The midfielder held out her her own.

Hope just shrugged them off when Pinoe started talking about how Hope was supposed to be a better jumper too, but she was shit when it came to monkey in the middle. She felt her phone vibrate again. Same caller, straight to voicemail.

The birthday girl slipped away from the conversation when the same phone number was calling. She stepped out to her front door to get some privacy, and when she reached to flip her phone, she saw Tobin and Christen making out on the hood of Tobin’s jeep.

_Wait..._

“Hey!” Hope shouted.

“I wasn’t doing anything!” Tobin said quickly as she removed her hand from somewhere suspiciously close to Christen’s waistband. The two jumped apart.

“Oh, it’s just you, Hope.” Tobin grabbed her chest, looking relieved.

“Wait, Tobs. Why are you here??” Hope asked in a panic.

“Uh...I don’t know bro because you invited me...”

“I thought you were taking Kelley home!” Hope said quickly.

“What?!” Christen panicked.

“Bro, I haven’t seen her like all evening. Last time I saw her she was talking with Ashlyn.”

“What?!?” Hope panicked.

“HS, There are so many people here! I didn’t know-”

Hope fidgeted in her pocket to pick out the phone that was obnoxiously vibrating in her pocket. Same caller. This time she answered it, while Christen scolded Tobin.

“Hello?”

“Hope.” She recognized that voice.

“Who is this?” She asked, even though she knew.

“It’s Adam.”

Silent response. _Why the fuck is he calling me, and how does he have my number?_

“Hope, I need you to come pick up Kelley.” He said in a desperate tone.

“Where are you?” Hope asked in a panic.

“Look up.” He said. She did.

She saw a shirtless Adam Wright waving at her from his window.

 

\--

 

“What the FUCK did you do?” Hope whispered/screamed as she took in the sight of a clearly drunk Kelley throwing up in his toilet. The keeper grabbed a hold of a shirt that he managed to put on, and pushed him up against the wall.

“Nothing, I swear!” He said as he put his hands up.

“Did you...fuc-...did you...” Hope was so angry and the heat from her face was so palpable. The thought made her livid and want to grab him by the balls and twist so hard. And she couldn’t even form a simple sentence to ask him _Did you rape her?_

“Hope! I swear! I stopped kissing her when she said your name!” He yelled.

“What?” Hope’s shoulders fell and now _her_ world was sent spinning on another axis. “You guys kissed? Di-did you do more than that..?” Hope’s voice cracked. She took in the sight of Kelley’s shirt’s buttons lined up wrong in their holes.

“Hope?” Kelley croaked out.

Hope let go of his shirt and then rushed in to see pitiful O’Hara.

The keeper looked down at the love of her life and took in the sight of her red watery eyes filled with fatigue and a sense of rock bottom. Saliva stained around her mouth and Hope could see how the retching was putting a strain on her body and her face was so red that her freckles blended in with the red hue.

_How did we get here?_

“Hopey, I don’t feel so good.” Kelley said softly and painfully slurred.

“Okay, okay.” Hope closed the bathroom door so that she could shut out the sight of the boy. She wiped the liquids off of the small girl’s face with a piece of toilet paper and gently put her hair in a bun. The keeper unbuttoned Kelley’s shirt so that she could fix it.

She felt her stomach churn in a familiar fashion when she saw the red hickeys starting to form all along her chest and neck. It churned and then it dropped, along with her level of dignity. 

She continued fixing the buttons and cleaning up the mess that was Kelley O’Hara.

“Kell?” Hope cupped the girl’s face in both of her hands. She looked at Hope with a soft expression.

“Did he take advantage of you?” The keeper looked down at their feet.

“No.” She replied softly, but her eyes were starting to roll to the back of her head and she looked like she was dizzy.

“Did you have sex with him?”

“No.” Kelley said strongly.

“Then, what are you doing here, kid?” Hope asked emphatically.

Kelley swayed in her spot and her focus was going in and out on Hope’s face.

“I’m sad.” Kelley slurred.

Hope sighed.

“You don’t love me anymore.” Kelley stumbled a little and the keeper had to catch the drunken mess. 

Hope quickly threw the bathroom door open.

“Help me.” She ordered him.

 

\--

 

“Babe, What was I supposed to do?” Tobin asked desperately.

“You knew that she was drunk and you didn’t tell me.” Christen said angrily.

“I didn’t know it was that bad. I just saw her chugging a beer in my car, and I smelt it on her breath when I went out there. I didn’t know that I was supposed to watch her all night? She was joking around with Ash. I didn’t know she was WASTED. Plus, you dragged me out here to make out with me, what was I-”

“Tobs! It doesn’t matter! You were supposed to watch her. You were wrong.” Christen said adamantly.

“What? No that’s not f-”

Tobin trailed off when she saw that Christen wasn’t listening to her anymore. She followed Christen’s gaze to see the most unbelievable sight.

Hope was walking through the front door that Adam was holding for her, holding Kelley in a bridal carry.

“What the f-”

“Tobs, let me borrow your car.” Hope ordered. Tobin panickedly searched her pockets for her keys before she unlocked her jeep.

“Open the passenger side door.” Hope called out. She gently laid Kelley in the seat while the girl momentarily and drunkenly pleaded her not to let her go. The tall girl gently hushed her while she put her seat belt on and then closed the door.

She took a deep breath. As she looked down at her feet, the goosebumps started forming. 

Then, the hairs on her neck went straight up

_Wait..._.

The realization hit her.

She quickly turned around and looked behind her at the trash can that was lazily thrown by her on the curb. She slowly moved closer. The sight almost killed her.

She was looking down at the one of the five handles of cheap vodka that was missing a good chunk from the bottle, in addition to an opened six pack of bud light. Those were her mom’s favorite choices of drink. Hope turned around to look at a wasted Kelley. _And no doubt, Kelley’s choice tonight._

 

\--

 

“Why are you like this?”

“This is what you do to me.” Kelley pouted.

“Oh, this is what I do to you?” Hope challenged.

“He actually pays attention to me!” Kelley slurred.

“Alright.” Hope kept her eyes on the road.

“See! Why do you do this to me, Hope?!?” Kelley cried. “Why do you act like you don’t care?!?”

Silence.

“All I want is for you to just acknowledge that I’m here! That you used to feel something for me.” The yelling was starting to fatigue, yet sober Kelley up a little.

Tears were starting to fall from Hope’s eyes.

“Don’t you know how much it hurts me to see you with another girl?!” Kelley shouted.

“Like a little less than seeing you with another boy?” Hope asked quietly

Kelley’s blood boiled.

“For FUCK’S SAKE! That wasn’t a real relationship, Hope! How many times am I going to get crucified for this? You told me that you believed me!” Kelley was up in her seat on the edge, her seatbelt almost to the point where it was going to tug her back. She had her hands in her hair and the tears were already drying on her neck.

Hope kept her eyes on the road.

“Solo, I love you! I can’t STAND seeing you with another girl. I can’t handle that!” 

“So then you sleep with Adam. You’re really selling your point with that bit, huh?” Hope challenged.

“You know what? I don’t have to beg for his attention.” Kelley’s eyes slanted and her words biting and still mildly tinged with vodka.

_That hurt._

But instead of saying how she felt, all she said was “Good.”

“He actually wants to spend time with me. He asks me how my day is.”

“Great.”

“Stop, doing that! If you really don’t love me, then just say it!!” 

“I don’t love you.” Hope quickly said in a matter of fact tone.

 

\--

 

Kelley’s chin was quivering and her eyes were sore as they pressed into the heel of her palm. Her heart was breaking, her world crumbling. But this felt different this time. The life she had and the life she knew with Hope was over. It was in the air. 

“Don’t say those things to me.” Kelley said after a good while of silence. “This feels like a broken fucking record. I care about you. I care about us. I want to go back to the way things were! I messed it up, but I can fix it now! But you can’t act like you don’t love me. Okay? I can’t handle that. I know you do, I KNOW you love me. Because then you wouldn’t be pretending to not care right now.” Kelley said strongly.

“I want your attention. I want your lips. I want your body. I want your time. I. Want. What’s _mine._ ” Kelley said fiercely.

Hope stopped the car right in front of Kelley’s house.

She looked at Kelley for the longest time.

“You’re so fucking clueless.” Hope said softly.

“I followed you into the ditch that one night. I changed my whole wardrobe just so that you can find me appealing. I considered picking my college based on your wishes. I was the one who felt abandoned and alone after YOU moved out. I’m the one without a car while you get to ride around in a fucking beamer while you “coast” through life at the tail end of our relationship. I’m the one who ended up with a broken hand. I’m the one who told you EVERYTHING, while you’ve told me nothing. And I’m the one here taking your drunk ass home, on MY BIRTHDAY. ” the veins in Hopes neck and forehead were bulging. 

“I begged you to open up to me about your family and your fallout, and I’m the last one to know about it. I made it 100% clear that I hate this boy, and you choose to fake date HIM. You never ask for my permission, one of THE MOST endearing things about you, and you use that to your advantage to have a another relationship on the side. You’re the only person I’ve ever had sex with, and yet you, the girl who has slept with both boys and girls, gets mad at me for a relationship that you’ve created in your own head, one that you are accusing me of being in.  
I’m the one stuck here, having dreams on repeat of you sleeping with him, and wondering what  
I did wrong, and all that I can’t do for you.

“And when I found out about your relationship with him being fake, all I could think was ‘how many chances did WE have to make it right? How did WE get to this point?’ I actually fucking blamed myself for making you feel like you couldn’t talk to me. I thought that ‘hey, yeah, it really does take two.’

“All you can talk about is what you want, it’s never about what I want or what WE want, or how you’ve made ME feel. It’s always about how shitty I make YOU feel.

“You’re so fucking clueless. And selfish.

“And I love you, I really do.” Hope’s voice cracked. “But I CANNOT do this anymore, Kelley.”

Hope unlocked the door and got out. Kelley didn’t look up from her lap when Hope opened the passenger door and held it open for her. 

Kelley tugged at Hope’s shirt before she quietly asked, “What can I do to get you back?”

“Grow up.”

 

\--

 

“Can you just butt out?” Adam yelled at Christen. 

“Don’t fucking talk to her like that?” Ali yelled back.

“You guys are insane! She called me, She came onto me! I stopped it!” Adam threw his hands in the air.

“When did you stop it?” Ashlyn said with narrowed eyes.

“Ugh. When she said Hope’s name!” He rolled his eyes. He wasn’t exactly keen on revealing that info.

“So not when you realized she was wasted?” Christen asked knowingly. “You’re a sick twisted motherfucker, who needs to burn.” She said in a growl.

“Fucking light it.” Ali said.

“No, you guys I ju-”

A punch to his left eye sent him to the ground. He held onto it as the streetlight lamp blinded him and the culprit later came into view.

“Tobs, I-”

“Just go.” Tobin sighed and cradled her hand. “Before you embarrass yourself even more.”

 

\--

 

“Baby, where are you going?” Tobin asked as Kling held the ice pack to her hand.

“I have to go see, Kelley.” Christen said with a look that was far away.

“Oh, uh- okay.” Tobin’s face fell momentarily. But she knew where her girlfriend needed to be.

“How is your hand?” Christen asked distractedly.

Tobin kissed her on the head before she said. “Go.” Christen kissed the fingers on her delicate hand before she was out the door.

 

\--

 

At the exasperated looks of Karen O’Hara, Christen shut the door to Kelley’s room and found the remains of what used to be Kelley O’Hara. As Christen locked the door, all she could see was a disarray of hair and heartbreak, and a total wreck.

With no words needed, Christen got into bed right next to Kelley, took the phone in her hand that was dialing a contact labeled ‘DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER’, pressed to hang it up, and then let Kelley snuggle up to her.

This time, she knew not to request any information. She stroked her best friend’s hair until they both fell asleep and the tears stopped flowing. But not until after Christen silently vowed to always be there for the girl in her arms.

 

\--

 

It all happened so fast for Hope Solo.

First, she was driving home in Tobin’s jeep, thinking about the decision she made. And then the next thing before you know it, she’s pulling onto the curb, right in front her house, with the cop car lights glaring in her rearview mirror.

She didn’t understand what he was saying about her weaving in and out of the lane of the main road. She was so deep in thought that she guessed that she could have done that.

She didn’t know why he was looking at her so strangely and he was asking her if she was drinking. Because of course, SHE was about the only person who seemed to have some self control.

“Ms. Solo.” The cop said after he inspected her driver’s license tucked away in the depths of her wallet. She hadn’t needed to use it since her privileges were taken away. “I’m going to need you to step out of the car.”

“Why??” Hope said in a panic. She saw through the windshield the outlined figures of Tobin and Ashlyn on her driveway, looking over at her, with panicked glances so clear from the porch light. Tobin sprinted back into the house.

And it wasn’t until she unbuckled her seat and moved to get up and out of the car as he ordered that she saw it. The four empty bud light cans that littered the floor in front of where Kelley was sitting.

_Of fucking course._

“You’re under arrest, Hope Solo.” He said as he put her head down on the hood of the vehicle and pulled out his handcuffs.

“For WHAT?!?” Judy yelled out as she sprinted out the front door. 

Hope’s hearing temporarily went out and was replaced with a ringing as she watched her mom and Marcus and all of her friends argue with the cop.

“But she’s not even drunk! She hasn’t been drinking sir!” Moe yelled.

“Yo this shit is crazy! You need to make her do her ABCs backwards or some shit. She’s not even drunk!” Kling yelled all riled up.

”Sir, what are you basing this off on?” Marcus asked so strongly. Hope stood still, not even fighting. 

Because deep down she knew, what she’s always known: The world hated Hope Solo. And it was time to embrace it.

“Bro, do the breathalyzer test! I know for a fact she wasn’t drinking those!” Tobin yelled.

“Who was then??” Some innocent freshman asked curiously.

“When you said you threw it away, why would you put it in the trash, the first place an alcoholic would look for it?!? You’re supposed to pour it first!” Judy cried.

She was a sobbing mess when he lowered Hope’s head into the back of the squad car, and her friends gathered around her, their eyes wet and their minds blown.

 

“Happy Birthday, Solo.” Mal said to no one in particular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking light it.
> 
>  
> 
> -Wretched


	17. Shitty Things Happen to Big Time People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hope was now feeling how hard and unforgiving the floor of rock bottom was. "

\--

 

Christen’s eyes slowly started to flutter awake. Sleep didn't come to her and Kelley until four in the morning. Stacy had given Christen the permission to spend the night at Kelley’s, having been clued in on the gist of what was going on between Hope and Kelley, and having witnessed Hope’s arrest, but Christen knew that she was pushing it with her sleep time, considering they still had school the next day. The forward knew that it would have been a late night celebrating since Judy and Stacy usually let the kids celebrate until at least 1am on Hope’s birthdays, but she didn't anticipate only getting four hours of sleep. 

 

She groaned at the extra amount of crust in her eyes, no doubt from the rare tears that fell down her face from the heart to heart she had with Kelley the night before. 

 

Christen recalled silently wrestling with the girl for a few minutes in order to stop her from calling Hope on repeat. Kelley was putting up a really good fight and her face was scrunched up in frustration, but the alcohol had severely sucked out her strength to go on. When Christen got a hold of it and hung up the phone, she noticed that her best friend looked like she was going to kill her for a second. Her heart melted when Kelley burrowed into her neck and squeezed her body so tightly into Christen’s, instead. 

 

“I need you.” Kelley sobbed into the crook of her neck. 

 

“I'm here.” Christen cooed. 

 

“Give me another chance.” Kelley continued to beg. 

 

“Okay.” Christen said softly. “Okay, I will.” 

 

“Please. I know I messed up, Chris! But I can't have you leave me too. Not you.” Kelley grabbed onto the back of Christen’s head to hold her even closer. 

 

Christen peppered light kisses to Kelley's head to calm her. It took forever for Kelley’s sobs to calm to a few infrequent sniffles. There heartbeats lulled them to sleep. 

 

It wasn't until Christen got awoken from the sudden coolness surrounding her body, signaling Kelley's absence, that she was able to get a word from Kelley. She saw the small girl sitting on the edge of her bed with her hands in her heads hunching over. 

 

“Tell me everything, Kell.” Christen softly said as she pulled the other forward into her arms. 

 

\--

 

But now as she cursed the morning for coming, she rubbed her arms which were numb from holding Kelley all night, and then slipped from underneath the girl' small body. It had to be at least eight in the morning, so she grabbed her phone to check the time, making sure that they weren’t late for school.

 

Her heart dropped at the sight of 53 missed calls from Tobin and the rest of her teammates. She opened her messages app to see at least 100+ messages. She read through the team's group message along with Tobin’s. 

 

She put her phone down after she read through all of the messages. 

 

She turned around to look at a sleeping Kelley.

 

_How am I going to tell her?_

 

 

 

\--

 

 

Hope didn't really listen to anyone. There were so many adults talking over and about her. She stared at the wall in the small little cell. She silently complied when some bald officer came to unlock the cuffs from her hand. She waited in silence, and only half-listened to what the adults who were looking at her like a criminal, were saying. 

 

Even her thoughts were at a standstill. At times she would look down at her hands and think _I quite possibly fucked up my career, and my life._ But whenever her mind had the tendency to spiral down and ruminate over the details of her fuck up, it was replaced with the sound of buzzing and and the feeling of numbness and her brain zoned out. 

 

She blinked and before she knew it, she was in the back of Marcus’s car with her mom holding her hand and looking at her with sad and sympathetic eyes. 

 

“You know I didn't drink, right?” It was Hope’s first words in hours other than ‘yes sir’ or yes ‘mam’. 

 

“I know.” Judy said after a long while. “I know _you_ didn't.”

 

There was an emphasis on the word ‘you’ and Hope didn't know if she should worry about the biting undertone to the statement. 

 

 

\--

 

 

_Of course._

 

That's the phrase that she repeated in her head as she sat low in the seat across from the principal and with her mom right next to her two days after her arrest. 

 

Phrases like ‘last chance’ and ‘squandered privileges’ and ‘thin ice’ were all thrown around. Judy stayed silent and so did Hope. She didn't have to try to pretend to not pay attention. 

 

Hope let her mom do the talking and the delegating and she not so slyly looked through the messages that her friends had sent to check up on her. Her inbox was full and she got several system messages telling her to clear her inbox because there were more incoming. At this point, Hope didn’t even worry about reading all of them. It wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t change her circumstances.

 

Hope got pulled out of her self-loathing cycle of thoughts when her coach opened the door and came in. 

 

“Ah, Jill. Thank you for joining.”

 

Hope put her phone away and her eyes followed her coach. The keeper desperately tried to catch her coach’s eye, but she found no success. Jill was actively avoiding her stare. 

 

“And why is her coach here?” Judy said with a furrowed brow. 

 

The principal took a large breath. 

 

_Oh no._

 

Hope’s stomach churned. 

 

_Oh no._

 

“Unfortunately-”

 

_Oh no._

 

“A decision was made based on the sum total of actions by Ms. Solo that have unfortunately shone a negative light on our program and the girls soccer team.” 

 

_Oh no._

 

“This was a decision made by the administration and her coach.” the principal pointed at Jill, who looked down at her feet. She wasn't going to look at the keeper. 

 

“And Ms.Solo will no longer be allowed on the team.”

 

_Fuck._

 

 

\--

 

“Excuse me?” Judy snarled. “We just had a discussion about how my daughter was definitely not drinking alcohol that night. And this did NOT happen on school grounds. Why is this a GODDAMN issue with the school right now??”

 

“Mrs. Solo, it's in line with our conduct policy. Your daughter was arrested and therefore-”

 

Hope chuckled. “That's complete bullshit. When the football guys got busted for fighting off campus, they were playing the next week.” Hope said with a tone of resentment. 

 

“Yes, well they're offense was not as serious as the charges against you, and the administration deemed their punishment in line with the offense.”

 

“Oh that’s bullcrap! This is a football town and you guys would do anything for football players. My daughter has done and WILL DO more for this country than those hoodlums in pads.” Judy’s voice was raised. “It's a disgrace that your little fundraiser club can't even send some money to the teams that actually win at this school!” Judy yelled. Hope stared on with wide eyes at her mom’s sudden outburst and foul language. 

 

“Mrs. Solo-”

 

“No. my daughter wasn't drinking. She wasn't driving under the influence. That alcohol was not consumed by her, so why is this an issue??”

 

“Well ma'am, if your daughter can help us out in our investigation as to who was involved, that would help us out. Hope?”

 

The keeper looked on and felt her cheeks go red.  
_Are they seriously asking me this...?_ She looked her principal straight in the eye. 

 

“What are you asking me?” Hope asked with narrowed eyes.

 

“I'm TELLING you that you can help yourself out by being honest in helping us uncover the truth about what happened that night. This school does not tolerate behavior of that kind, and if you in fact did not commit those offenses, then you would be helping us and yourself out.” The principal said in a matter of fact tone. 

 

“And so what if I tell you who drank those beers? What happens then?” Hope challenged. 

 

“If you cooperate, it will look really good in your favor while the administration continues the investigation of this incident.” 

 

“So...what does that mean?” Judy chimed in.

 

“It means that we will consider amending the consequence doled out to your daughter.”

 

“Consider?” Judy said with disbelief. 

 

“Mam, this decision has to be deliberated and discussed-”

 

“I did it. “ Hope said loudly. 

 

“I drank that night. No one else was involved.” Hope saw her mom's body tense out of the corner of her eye, but she made no other movement or sound. 

 

“Okay then. So your daughter will not be allowed to participate in any event with the girls soccer team. Now we have to move on to the-”

 

“No, you know what? We are done here. If you have no other information to give, I will be taking my daughter out of this ridiculous meeting and she will be off to class now..” Then Judy turned to Jill, who still hadn't looked up. 

 

“I'm the only adult in the room looking out for the best interest for my daughter.” She said with sadness and finality. 

 

Hope took one last look into the room at her coach. There was no resolve in her eyes. 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Hope sat in class and zoned out. 

 

_So...how...what.._

_I won't be able to play in my last state game? They're dropping me after four years of playing? Just like that???_

_I've give my whole four years to this team. Ive give my sweat, blood, and tears. I've given everything. And now, just like that, a room full of people who would rather have a douchebag football player get away with actual assault by playing him to win a small regional playoff game, have just decided my fate? When they know nothing about how much I've given to this team??_

_Soccer plays more games than football, our season is longer, our district is more competitive. Our team gets to state. Girls soccer has four national team players! And they have the fucking ability to get rid of me?!?_

_These people have all the power over me? I'm the number one recruited player in the country. Over a field player. I'm the first goalkeeper ever to be the number one recruit. And I go to this shit school who doesn't even know about my accomplishments and my contributions? This school that can't even raise a hundred dollars to get a small signing party for all soccer girls signing for multiple colleges. Yet, football players get recruited to D3 schools and their is a whole fucking pep-rally?_

_You're just going to drop me before THE most important game for this school? You're going to drop your number one goalkeeper?_

_Tell me world, I know you hate me, but how the fuck does that make sense???_

 

Hope was interrupted from her thoughts when her phone buzzed with an incoming call from Dani. The younger keeper had been avoiding texts and calls all day, even managing to dodge her friends and hide from sight, but it was a little strange that Dani was calling her when she knew she was in class. She let it go to voicemail. 

 

After the twelfth straight call, Hope excused herself to go to the bathroom and finally answered the thirteenth one. 

 

“What did you do?” Dani asked in a panicked tone. Hope filled her in. 

 

Dani sighed through the phone. 

 

“Solo, have you checked woso social media at all?”

 

“No. I have a shitty phone, remember?”

 

“Wait, then how are you still posting stuff on instagram..?” Dani asked in a temporary change in subject. 

 

“You know there are these things called computers right? They've been around for quite some t-”

 

“Okay, off subject. Listen, you're going to get a call from Griffin...” Dani’s voice trailed off. 

 

Hope’s heart stopped.

 

“Dani...” she was officially in a panic mode. 

 

“Solo, I don't know what is going to happen. I tried asking her where her head is at with your situation. It's um...your status...it's uh... it's uncertain.” Dani struggled to get out. 

 

“What?! I mean, can they do that?? Is it really that possible to-. I didn't- I didn't do it! I- how does anyone even know?!? It jus- it happened a couple of days ago for fucks sake!” Hope yelled. 

 

“Your arrest record is public, Solo! I don't know if it got out in social media. But, kid, it doesn't look good. UW has a conduct policy....”

 

_Fuck._

 

 

 

\--

 

 

“Babe. where do you want to eat for lunch later today?” Ali said as she typed out a response in the group text. No one had seen their keeper for a couple of days now and there were rumors that she had been kicked off the team. 

 

No response from her girlfriend. 

 

Ali looked up from her phone to see Ashlyn staring off into the distance. 

 

“Babe?”

 

She lightly placed her hand in her girlfriend's arm to soothe her out of her thoughts. 

 

“What's going on?” Ali asked softly. 

 

Ashlyn took forever to answer. 

 

“I'm going to have to play this game.” Ashlyn said quietly. 

 

“Are you not excited...?”

 

Ashlyn shook her head. 

 

“I've only played like three games this season. And now I'm supposed to step up for the state title? How does that make sense? I've played more games as a field player than in goal.” Ashlyn said disappointingly. 

 

“I want to play, but not because they ousted Solo. This is ridiculous.” Ashlyn put her head down. 

 

“Babe. We don't even know if the rumors are true. And you are an amazing keeper. Who has managed to get some field playing time! That's awesome. And you're going to UNC! How is it that you're still having doubts about your keeping abilities?” Ali asked in disbelief. 

 

The two continued to go round and round, with Ashlyn spiraling in self-doubt, and Ali getting frustrated in her attempts to make her girlfriend see her potential. 

 

“Okay, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Change the subject.” Ashlyn said as she waved her hands in the air. 

 

“Okay... well are you seeing what I'm seeing?” Ali said in a far off voice. Ashlyn looked up at her and followed her stare. 

 

They saw Kelley sitting on the hood of her car while some boy that Ali had found very familiar looking was hovering in front of her with his hands on her knees that were on the edge of her car. 

 

“Fucking Kelley...” Ashlyn growled underneath her breath as Ali marched closer to the girl. 

 

The defender managed to get to there faster. 

 

“Hey!” Ali yelled. It was with a hint of authority. 

 

“Yo?” The boy said with a confused look. “Can I help you?”

 

Ali looked at her Kelley who had bloodshot eyes and a slack jaw. 

 

“What are you guys up to?” Ali asked in a fake, cheery tone. A sudden change in approach.

 

“Uh, nothing that concerns you.” The boy said.

 

“Oh yeah, whatcha doing O’Hara?” Ali now looked at the forward. Kelley’ glassy eyes were slow to answer. 

 

“Nothing, kriegs.” Her voice was slow and low, very uncharacteristic. 

 

“Oh yeah. Did you hear about Hope?” Ali asked loudly so that the boy could get the hint. 

 

“Uh, we are in the middle of a conversation so you guys can fuck off now.” He said with venom. He was hovering so close to the freckled face girl that it made Ash and Ali feel uncomfortable as to what was going on. The instant that he put his hand back on Kelley’s thigh, Ashlyn stepped forward. 

 

“Oooo-okay dude. Back off.” Ashlyn stepped forward and yanked Kelley down from the hood of her car so that she was standing upright and the keeper put her body in between the small girl and the boy. 

 

Ali grabbed Kelley's hand and whisked her away while Ashlyn stood her ground in defiance to a clearly drunk dude, ready to take advantage of Kelley’s state. 

 

“What are you doing?” Ali pulled Kelley away and managed to steady the girl against her own car, the spot where her and her girlfriend were before they spotted the forward. She grabbed Kelley's face with two hands because the girl's eyes were rolling out of focus. 

 

“Kell. Stay with me. Are you...high?” Ali asked in disbelief. 

 

“No!” Kelley chuckled and waved her hand, but she swayed when she tried to stand upright and fell back against the vehicle for support. 

 

“I'm what the kids call, crossfaded.” Kelley chuckled. 

 

Ali didn't doubt it from the smell of cheap beer in her breath and the bloodshot eyes. 

 

“Why?” 

 

Ali didn't really need to elaborate on her question. 

 

“She got in trouble for me.” Kelley said as she sighed in between every other word. Kelley exhaustedly swept the hair out of her face. Her motions were slow and laggard and always two seconds behind. 

 

“Yeah. And so what are you trying to do now? Get in trouble for yourself?” 

 

“No Al!” Kelley threw her head back out of exhaustion from all of the downers that her body had consumed and was now working its way through her system. Her breathing was loud, her body was languished, and Ali’s hands around her waist were the only things holding her up. “I'm trying to forget what I did.” 

 

Ali let the somberness of the small forward run through her bones. 

 

“You're trying to forget that you drank...by..drinking..and smoking?” She knew that the mush that was Kelley's brain right now probably couldn't process the logic, but she was legitimately scared for Kelley's chances at Stanford for a second. 

 

“And why are you hanging out with toolbag?” Ali asked fiercely. 

 

“I don't know.” Kelley said with a shrug of shoulders. 

 

Ali saw that Ashlyn was walking away from Trevor (it finally clicked with the defender as to who he was), so she unlocked her car and with a lot of effort, put Kelley's small body into the passenger side seat. 

 

“Hey. I'm going to check up with Christen and Tobs in the cage to see if we can uh-.” She glanced over at Kelley, “get some reinforcements.”Ashlyn said to her girlfriend. “I'll be right back.”

 

Ali sat in her silent car with the girl she had been fighting with for months in her passenger seat, high as a kite. 

 

“Kell, you're not doing yourself any good by pulling all of this.” Ali said quietly after a few minutes of silence.

 

The forward slowly turned towards her. 

 

“I'm the queen of fuckups. Don't ya know?” Kelley's eyes lazily rolled with her voice. 

 

“You're not going to get Hope back this way.” Ali said strongly. 

 

“I'm never gonna get her back.” Kelley said simply. 

 

That threw off the defender for a little bit. _Kelley O’Hara is giving up?_

 

“Who are you?” Ali asked in disbelief. “What happened to the fearless bitch you used to be? We call you KO for a reason. You almost knocked out Carli Lloyd for touching your girlfriend. What's happened to you??”

 

“She's gone.” Kelley breathed out in a sigh. 

 

“Since when?” Ali pushed. 

 

“Since you cussed me out on the fields.” Kelley said sadly. “That's when I became coward.” 

 

The forward started laughing, suddenly. 

 

“Cowwww. Cow. Like moo. Coward. Such a funny word.” The smaller girl continued to chuckle. 

 

“That's what Erin calls me. I never realized how funny sounding it was. I kinda like it now. ”

 

Ali sighed out of frustration. 

 

“Anyways, why are you talking to me? Don't you hate me??” Kelley slowly asked with wide eyes. 

 

“I don't hate you, Kell.” Ali looked down at her nails that she was picking at. 

 

“Yes you do.” Kelley said with a wave of her hand. “And I don't blame you.” 

 

Kelley started to nestle into her seat and close her eyes like she was going to take a nap. “I don't blame anyone who is mad at me. I create messes. I deserve everything I have coming to me.” The little girl sleepily said. 

 

Ali Krieger looked at the girl as her breathing slowed and her muscles relaxed and she fell asleep. Staring at her in that moment, Ali just felt sad for her. 

 

There was no denying Kelley's monumental fuckups, but the defender saw that she was reduced to a commiserable disaster that didn't even know she needed saving from a shady asshole who, no doubt, was drugging her up to take advantage of her. 

 

Kelley looked so small and defenseless as she curled up onto the passenger side seat with small snores emitting from her, and Ali couldn't help but feel guilty that she had led this anti-O’Hara movement. 

 

_She cheated though._

 

Ali sighed at how ridiculously stubborn she was being to a girl who hadn't even hurt her personally(other than that swift kick into her stomach). 

 

_Look at her. She's needs help. She's a wreck. She’s alone._

 

She thought about how much it panicked her to see Kelley with bloodshot eyes and a far away look while a random guy was inching his fingers farther and farther down her thigh. At first, and from far away she was livid. But seeing how lost Kelley O’Hara had become in those dejected and downcast eyes, made Ali feel responsible for the girl’s current state. She didn't know how to express that she didn't mean to ruin Kelley's life, she was just confused and upset and her loyalty to Hope was fierce since they spent four years as a cohesive pieces of a back line. 

 

“I'm sorry.” Ali said quietly to the sleeping figure. 

 

 

\--

 

 

Hope angrily paced outside of Jill's office. 

 

_Fucking dropping me...you think you can just fucking do me like that....ME! I fucking saved our asses.._

 

The keeper had just gotten off the phone with the UW coach, and even though Hope couldn't recall all of what she said, she did recall the one part that was on repeat in the keeper's head. 

 

“Character will be a quintessential part of being in this team. And in recent light of events, you don't have a spot on this one.”

 

_I'll show you fucking character._

 

Hope finally gathered enough courage to knock on her current coach’s door to give her a piece of her mind. 

 

But fate stepped in. 

 

Her phone rang. 

 

It was a California area code. 

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Kriegs: I think she will be okay. She took a nap in my car so she should be awake for 4th period. [10:32am]

 

Kriegs: awake. Functioning, idk. [10:32am]

 

Christen looked down at the text from her friend and bit her nails while she waited for her best friend’s arrival. The forward knew of Kelley's continuous downward spiral since finding out about Hope’s arrest, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep track of what her friend was up to, no matter how much she tried. 

 

“Chris, I'm fine!” Kelley yelled when Christen had shown up to her house in the morning a day after the arrest. 

 

“Oh yeah? So what number is that?” Christen pointed at the travel mug in Kelley's hand. “Is that number 3 or 4?” Her hands were on her hip. 

 

“Shut up. You're so annoying.” Kelley grumbled. Nevertheless, she got into her friend's car, without more resistance. Christen smiled to herself. 

 

She had spent as much time as she could with Kelley, just to keep an eye on her, but she didn't anticipate her friend being able to get high and drunk in the early hours of the morning when Christen was getting ready for school. 

 

It was getting scary at this point, how uncontrollable and reckless Kelley had gotten in a couple days time. 

 

Christens shoulder relaxed when she saw Kelley walk through the class door. With a coffee in her hand. 

 

“Hey superstar.” Christen turned around to face Kelley whose eyes were sunken in and she didn't think it was possible, but Kelley was looking skinnier than usual. 

 

“Why is everyone calling me superstar lately?” Kelley groaned and threw her backpack onto the floor and slammed her drink onto the desk. _Well she's still dramatic._ Christen took that as a good sign that her old personality was seeping in. 

 

“Because you're the superstar on the team,duh.” 

 

“Yeah right.” Kelley said. But Christen noticed one corner of her mouth twitch upwards. 

 

“C’mon you think that if it were anyone else that the team would have taken you back after the shit you pulled.” Christen said with a sly smile. It was a risk in pulling that joke out of her arsenal, but she had nothing to worry about. 

 

“Fuck you.” Kelley said with a chuckle. 

 

Their forward connection was alive and well, their rhythm re-established. 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

“Wait, are you serious?” Hope said. Her heart started beating. 

 

“You know kid, I was really bummed when you decided not to go with our program. I will tell ya, our school produces a lot of great athletes. Not just football. Hell, we practically feed the Olympic swimming team.” Ratcliffe chuckled. 

 

Hope nervously laughed back. 

 

“Hey, really no pressure. I think that I may have put a lot on you to decide the first time around, and I won't do that this time. I'm just saying, the offer still stands. I know that a lot of negative media may come at you, but here at Stanford you're going to get a new slate.” 

 

“Whoa. T-t-that's awesome.” Hope said, a little awe struck and overwhelmed. 

 

_A second chance?_

 

Just a couple of days ago, her life was over. Now things are starting to pan out? 

 

“But...” Hope hesitated. “What's the catch?” She said slowly. 

 

_There's no way that he's just giving me the same deal with no catch._

 

Ratcliffe chuckled. 

 

“Hope, I know that this world can be cruel, but I promise you there really is no catch. It's the same deal as before. Same scholarship offer. We are losing our starting goalkeeper this year, and are looking to fill that spot in. Since you previously went with UW, we have been looking at other keepers in the country, but we haven't found one quite to your caliber...”

 

The tall girl was likening the sound of this. 

 

“We have summer training camp so you would be expected to compete for the spot during that time, but you know that that was the expectation from the beginning, as it is for all positions.”

 

Hope absorbed it all. 

 

“I know Stanford has a conduct policy. So...” h\Hope didn't want to say out loud that she had been arrested. She didn't want to admit that this would forever follow her. 

 

“Listen, Hope. If that happens while you are a member of this program, that is a sure fire way to get kicked out. As would be the case in any university. 

 

But, we also know that you deserve another chance. From the details my team has read, we definitely think you deserve another chance. And this program can help you.” 

 

“This seems too good to be true.” Hope breathed out. 

 

“Listen, I don't want an answer today. Hell, I don't want an answer this week. Sleep on it. You have my number.”

 

“O-okay.” She was literally tongue tied from this gift that was put at her feet. 

 

“Coach Gunn is actually going to be in your town within the coming weeks. I have to get with his team about the details, but he is actually going to be there to sign another player. So... just saying, if you decide you want to come to California, it would be nice if I could just hop on a plane with him so that Stanford can say that they're signing two players..” Hope could envision the s]ly smile on his face. 

 

“So a few weeks?” Hope’s head was spinning and it was becoming difficult to hold onto facts if the conversation since her emotions were bursting through and becoming hard to contain. 

 

“Yes ma'am. A few weeks. Just like we did for O’Hara and Christen Press. But hey, what another good reason to come to California..” he chuckled. “You're going to get more people coming up to you about offers. The news broke about Washington and I will tell you that the news that you don't have an offer anymore has spread like wildfire throughout the nation, kid. So if you get an offer that you like, i’m just going to beg you to come talk to me first.”

 

Hope didn't want to think about the complications of spending another four years with Kelley. _Is it a good thing? Is it going to be a bad thing?_ At this point, Kelley had become a topic that her mind was not willing to delve into. _Stop thinking about it._

 

“Okay. I'll talk to you guys first.” Hope said firmly. 

 

“Great. So I checked my notes. Gunn is supposed to sign a kid who just recently broke out and expressed interest. A kid by the name of...” Hope heard the sound of paper rustling. “Wright. Adam Wright?”

 

Hope almost dropped her phone. 

 

“Yeah, Adam Wright. You know him? Anyways, that's who Gunn is looking to sign. I'd love to come out there and sign you too.”

 

Hope let him continue to ramble about something that was hitting her ears, but was definitely not connecting with her brain. 

 

_Adam is looking to go to Stanford..._

 

There wasn't really much else for her think about. _Of course he's going to Stanford._

 

And there was nothing left to do, except rage.

 

 

\--

 

 

CP: Can you just come to me whenever you feel like that. [11:23am]

 

KO: Chris, I feel like that ALL OF THE TIME [11:23am]

 

CP: well shithead, I'm your best friend ALL OF THE TIME. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. [11:24am] 

 

Christen saw Kelley's shoulder relax and the muscle in her left cheek flex. She didn't need to see the girls face to know that she was smiling. 

 

CP: I'm serious. None of your shenanigans. [11:26am]

 

KO: yes mom [11:25am]

 

KO: thanks Chris [11:27am]

 

Halfway through the class, Christen was getting bored again. She zoned out as her teacher droned on, and started daydreaming about a certain tan midfielder. 

 

She got pulled out of her thoughts when she heard Adam answer the teacher's question ( Christen had no clue what the question was). 

 

The forward immediately looked at her teammate in front of her and noticed how inward her body hunched. Kelley nervously ran her fingers through her hair, turned to look at Christen, and then pulled out her phone again. 

 

KO: you mean so much to me Kelz. I don't know if you felt anything the other night, but I'm sorry for the way things played out. I swear I didn't know how wasted you were. I thought u just felt something for me the way I do for you. I care about you. I'll be there for you. [11:45am]

 

KO: I wouldn't hurt you. And I'd look out for you when we are both in California. I know you got shit to figure out with Hope, but I'm a good choice too. [11:45am]

 

KO: that's what Adam sent me this morning. Before I went to hang out with Trevor. [11:45am]

 

CP: Be honest with me, do you have feelings for him? [11:46am]

 

Christen saw Kelley squint at her screen and then began to type. 

 

The whole class quickly whipped their heads around so fast at the sound of the door to the classroom being thrown against the wall. 

 

Christen was only allowed a mere two seconds to be confused at the sight of Hope Solo in the doorway with rabid eyes, a ferociously clenched jaw, and a bloody neck. Christen followed the line of Hope’s sight as she quickly scanned the class with intelligence, just like she did on the field. The keeper’s eyes quickly found Kelley, who froze like a deer in headlights. Christen noticed that Hope’s laser focused glare only faltered for a second when they landed on her ex, but it soon found their real target. 

 

Hope took two big steps. Menacing ones. Her stride closed so much distance with one step, that the teacher had no time to form a question. 

 

The keeper would it up and faster than anyone could ever expect, faster than Christen’s ability to scan and analyze a situation, the sound of the skin and bones of Hope’s hand and Adam’s left eyes socket colliding vibrated throughout the room. The punch packed so much that the desk, along with the boy, toppled to its side.

 

“Whoa whoa whoa”

 

“Fuck dude!”

 

“It's going down”

 

A few kids jumped out of their desks and shuffled to the side in order to get a better view, some enclosed Hope to get a better view, and only Christen and Kelley stayed rooted to their spot. Paralyzed. 

 

The teacher shot up from his desk the instant Hope threw the first punch and immediately put his body in between the boy and girl, afraid that something would happen. 

 

Adam stayed on the ground, caught and tangled in his desk, while Hope huffed as the teacher stood there unsure of what the protocol is. 

 

“Have fun at Stanford.” She bent over to say it into his face the instant that the teacher turned to phone the administration from the phone on his desk. She caught his fearful gaze. 

 

Christen stood with her eyes wide, just as fearful for her goalie friend. She could see her intimidatory prowl onto the prey of a man Adam was, but it hit Christen right in the heart with Hope’s phrasing and the soft way she said ‘Stanford’.

 

Christen noticed Hope’s eyes flick over to Kelley when she said that word. The keeper walked out of the classroom a lot more sullen than her entrance. Her shoulders sagged and Hope dragged her body out of the classroom without looking at her two teammates.

 

The teacher phoned the administration and panickedly retold the event that just unfolded before his eyes. Kelley buried her face in her hands. Christen replayed the scene over and over. 

 

_Have fun at Stanford._

 

With each replay, Hope’s words became less of a growl and more of an admission of defeat. 

 

_Have fun at Stanford._

 

A few boys in the classroom jeered at the injured boy who managed to disentangle himself from his desk and stand upright. The teacher patted his shoulder to make sure he was okay, and then scanned the hall to see if he could still find Hope. 

 

“Danny, go to the nurse and get a bag of ice. Tell her that we have an injured student.” He ordered to a student.

 

He yelled at the students to find their seats again, and checked on Adam again, who was holding his left eye, groaning in pain. 

 

“Yes, Ms. O’Hara?” The teacher asked impatiently. 

 

“Can I go to the restroom, I think I'm going to be sick.” 

 

He waved her off to go. Christen noticed the way Adam’s eyes followed the girl who was exiting the classroom quickly, avoiding his stare. 

 

 

\--

 

The keeper calmly walked to the part of the school where the principal's office was located. She felt her heart beat pound in her ears with every step taken. She wiped at the small traces of blood on her neck that she had managed to draw from her rabid scratching a few hours earlier. The adrenaline was coursing through her veins, as was her conviction. If anyone were to ask her if she regretted her actions, Hope knew that she wouldn't have said ‘no’.

 

She would have said ‘Fuck no.’

 

The office lady in the front gave her a confused stare when she sat in one of the waiting chairs to the principal's office. 

 

“Oh don't worry, I have an appointment with her.” Hope said sweetly. 

 

“Ms. Solo, I don't see you here in her schedule-”

 

“Oh no, trust me, she will make time for me. This is where I'm supposed to be.” Hope said with a nod of her head. 

 

The lady just shrugged her shoulders and continued to click away on her computer. 

 

Hope sat quiet and still, the calmness spreading throughout her body. She was able to find her zen. It was all about belief. Belief in what you were doing, what you're standing up for. _Fuck you, world, I hate you too._ In her mind, the cards were never dealt in her favor, so it was fitting that she go out with a punch. 

 

She found herself smile brightly when a campus police officer stopped in his tracks at the sight of her. Hope got up slowly and held out her hands when he reached around his waist for a pair of handcuffs. The office lady’s eyes widened when the police officer started talking about some bullshit that Hole honestly wasn't listening too, but she said to the lady cheekily, “See, told you she would make time for me.”

 

As the metal from the cuffs touched her skin for the second time in a few days time, all Hope could think was:

 

_I'll give you a fucking sum total of actions._

 

\--

 

Tobin skipped out of her class to go find her girlfriend and the rest of her friends for lunch when she spotted Christen and Ali hovered close with darting eyes and intense pace of speech thrown back and forth at each other. 

 

“Whoa. Is this a serious talk? Am I interrupting?” Tobin said with one foot in the other direction when she reached them. “Are we talking about Ashlyn's tendency to squeal in bed again, because if so, I'm out-”

 

“Tobs, look.” Christen whipped her around quickly. 

 

She saw Hope walking in the parking lot.

 

“What’s so fascinating about HS?”

 

“Who is she walking with dummy?” Ali pushed. 

 

“Her mom.” Tobin shrugged. “What's so-”

 

“Heath, when do you ever see her mom??” Christen asked exasperatedly. 

 

“Okay, you know how I don't like it when you call me Heath, unless it's Heath bar, and that's reserved for sexy time only, and.. I see your point. Shit.” Tobin rambled. 

 

Ali let out a disgusted expression. 

 

“What happened??” Tobin asked. The panic was starting to bubble. 

 

“Do you not read your texts?” Ali scolded. 

 

“Uh, I'm sorry Alexandra Blair, but some of us actually pay attention in class.” She said with a little sass. 

 

“Uh okay communications major.” Ali stuck out her tongue. 

 

“You guys, we are getting off topic.” Christen said as she watched Hope get into her mother’s car. 

 

“Tobs.” Christen’s command for her attention worked. Her girlfriend snapped her attention to her and they looked at each other for a second and let the seriousness and gravity of the situation bring everyone to earth, and made them realize how small everyone was. Because shitty things happen to big time people, and no one was left unscathed in this world. 

 

“Hope got expelled.” Christen said quietly. 

 

 

 

\--

 

Tobin nervously fidgeted with her Xbox controller as she tried her hardest not to listen to Judy’s yells and shrieks coming from behind the closed kitchen door. She was confused as to why Hope had asked Christen and herself to come over, but she was thinking that the keeper was hoping that Judy wouldn’t lay it in her as hard if she had guests over. Hope was dead wrong. And even though Judy was actually one of the sweetest human beings that Tobin had ever met, she was quite convinced that her and her girlfriends presence probably fanned the flames of fury of Judy Solo. 

 

 

She jumped when she felt her iPhone buzz in her pocket. 

 

Hope’s dear friend Carli: yeah I'm on twitter now. It's blowing up. Ratcliffe is denying that he ever gave her a second chance offer tho?[8:32pm]

 

Tobin Heath: yeah. That's a lie, he did. He's just covering his ass now. I'm at her house now with Christen. Her mom's chewing her out. [8:32pm]

 

Hope’s dear friend Carli: How could she do something so stupid?? Her future is fucked.[8:33pm]

 

Tobin Heath: idk dude. I'll keep you posted once the yelling dies down. [8:34pm]

 

“I'm trying so hard not to listen.” Christen cringed when Judy let out a maniacal laugh and Hope let out a wail. 

 

“Yes, let's play.” Tobin signaled to her controller and Christen nodded and chuckled at herself for engaging Tobin in this game that she loved so much. 

 

\--

 

 

 

“Man, I wish that they had women players in this game.” Tobin said with a grimace after a few minutes. “I mean hey, those pro players we watch are awesome. Like what the fuck..”

 

Christen noticed that the kitchen had become quiet. 

 

“Someday, Tobs.” Christen said softly. 

 

Tobin scoffed. 

 

“I'm serious. You're amazing. Our women are amazing. One day. We will make it. We will make it so big that we will be players in this shitty game you force me to play.” Christen smirked. 

 

“You think so?” Tobin asked a little quietly. “Not about that blasphemous statement about FIFA, but about women making it so big.” She smirked.

 

“One day.” Christen said with strength. “One day, YOU will have, what do they call it here? Five star rated skills? Yeah, five star rated skills. ”

 

Tobin scoffed again.

 

“Yeah right, in my dreams.”

 

 

\--

 

 

Hope watched as Judy stormed out of the kitchen. Her eyes followed her brother who went after their mom. He stopped at the doorway. 

 

“You fucked up, kid.” He said with a sigh. 

 

Hope looked away. 

 

“But dad would have been proud.” 

 

Hope noticed the sad smile formed on his face. 

 

“Who would have thought, that you would have been the one whisked away in handcuffs, taking after dad?” And then he was gone, chasing after his mom to make sure that she didn't go off the deep end again. It seemed like the women in his family already did.

 

Hope sat there in the silence, completely forgetful of the fact that two of her friends were on the other side of the door. She thought about the ironic tone to Marcus’ words and how the mention of her connection with her dad was not something to boast about. 

 

Whenever she would think about her dad, it was always of pride and love and understanding of the person he actually was, not the person he should have been. 

 

But now, as she connected their parallel life paths and their carbon copy choices, she realized that arrests, familiarity with the feel of handcuffs on, and lost scholarships and broken dreams, were not something to be proud of. 

 

Contrary to her feeling before she punched him, Hope was now feeling how hard and unforgiving the floor of rock bottom was. 

 

_Decisions, Hope Solo. Life is about decisions. Make better ones. People won't be as forgiving and understanding._

 

The keeper wish she could cry. She played Dani’s words in her mind over and over as she stared at the tablecloth before her eyes. And she wished she could cry so that her body could lament the fact that she had single handedly made the huge decision to end her soccer career with her own hands. But the perpetual disappointment in her brothers face, the wrath of her mom, the satisfying sound of Adam's desk crashing to the ground, and the fearful look in Kelley's eyes for the second that they met each other's gaze today, had overridden her system to feel anything other than numbness, the sure sign of despair and despondency. 

 

She thought about what was next for a high school dropout. 

 

_Nothing. Duh._ Hope kicked herself. _I chose this. I decided this._

 

And now, with no foundation and no clue, she scratched at her neck until the skin was gone and she was left with a pool of blood, just like her future. 

 

\--

 

Hope’s bed was big enough for all three of them to sleep on. 

 

When Christen went to Hope’s bathroom to find spare toothbrushes for her and Tobin, the midfielder hilariously claimed the middle spot, citing that she was a cuddler and being sandwiched in the middle was her dream come true. Hope was able to find some happiness in that and chuckled while Christen explained that yes, Tobin really was a cuddler. 

 

“You two are meant to be together.” Hope said quietly as they laid on her bed facing each other. 

 

Tobin flashed a warm smile. 

 

“I don't know how long distance will be, but we are going to give it a shot.”

 

“Good. Both of you deserve the world.”

 

“You do too, Solo.” Tobin looked away when she said it. “I understand why you did what you did.” 

 

“Yeah, but would you have done what I did?” Hope asked quietly. It was a good question. Because honestly, no one would have done what she did. Tobin voiced that thought. 

 

“But that's what makes you, you, Solo.” Tobin shrugged. “No one has the audacity to pull off some of the shit you do. That's why you're so big time.” 

 

Hope scoffed. 

 

“I'd hardly call a high school dropout ‘big time’”

 

“The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Tobin said simply. 

 

The keeper scoffed again. 

 

“You don't really believe that, do you?” Hope said with a hint of derision. 

 

Tobin’s eyes fell on the little cross necklace that hung around Hope’s neck. 

 

“That I do, Solo. That I do.”

 

“Well. We can disagree.” Hope said with a smirk. 

 

“Yes we can.” Tobin smiled. 

 

“Oh god, are you guys having Jesus talk? Heath bar always does that before bed.” Christen said with a chuckle. 

 

Tobin threw a pillow at her girlfriend before she joined them and they all fell asleep. 

 

 

\--

 

 

She wasn't too sure what time it was. But the easy light of the moon mixing in with the dark of her room and the frazzled ‘what's going on?’ from the midfielder told her it was definitely in the middle of the night. 

 

Hope's mom was hovering above her bed, whisper-demanding that Hope pack a bag. 

 

“Why?” Hope whispered back. She rubbed her eyes at her confusion. 

 

“Just do as I say!” Judy hushed. “Meet me in 10 minutes. I swear to god Hope. You better be at the door at 3:12am. Or so help me god!” Judy quickly exited the room. 

 

Hope groggily looked over at a yawning Tobin. 

 

“I'll help you.” Tobin said, and they both gently slid off the bed so as to not wake Christen. 

 

\--

 

 

It was 3:12 am when Hope was jogging down the stairs, Tobin in tow. 

 

Hope could see her mom impatiently waiting in the open front doorway of her house, motioning to her daughter to move her butt. 

 

“Mom, what's going on??” Hope asked in a panic. 

 

“That's your ride.” Judy pointed out to the vehicle out front with the engine running and the lights on. Hope locked eyes with Tobin. 

 

“Mom, what's Dani doing here?” Hope asked, confused. 

 

“No time for questions, Hope. She will explain. Your flight is in 45 minutes, so you're wasting time!” Judy yelled. It was scary enough that Hope kicked it into high gear and sprinted for the car. 

 

She stopped in her tracks and looked back at her mom and Tobin. She could see their nervous faces in the porch light. Hope didn't know where she was going or when she was coming back. 

 

She sprinted back. She gave Tobin a big hug. 

 

“I don't know where I'm going, but I'll see you guys..later? Mom I need to go say bye to-”

 

“HS. I'll tell her you said bye.” Tobin reassured her and put a firm grip on her arm. 

 

Hope looked her straight in the eye and she knew that she could put trust in her midfielder friend. She turned to her mom. 

 

“I love you. I'm sorry.” Was all Hope could say so the she wouldn't choke up. 

 

“I’ll always love you, you're my daughter.” Judy said softly. 

 

And with one final look back, she sprinted to the car. 

 

\--

 

“Where are we going??” Hope breathed out as she put in her seat belt and Dani stepped on the gas. 

 

“Do you remember that conversation we had way back in the day when we met at the shops?” Dani asked. 

 

“Yeah...?” How could Hope forget. That was the day she found out Kelley cheated on her. 

 

“That offer still stands.” Dani said strongly. 

 

_That offer still stands._ It echoed in the walls of her mind.

 

If it was true, if there was still a chance that the world was just a fickle folk, instead of a cold hearted bitch, then someone had just thrown a ladder down the gaping pit of Hope’s demise, so that she could make the journey up the rungs to pull herself out of her rock bottom. 

 

She looked at this beautiful sign of a second chance in the form of this girl in the driver’s seat and felt an overwhelming sense of warmth and gratitude. This scientific balance of energy in the world must have tipped in her favor and intervened. There were so many questions to ask, logistical details to figure out, but for now, she just looked over at the amazing human being who had just swooped in and saved her. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

\--

 

2 months later. 

 

“Damn. I take it all back Tobi. You have amazing style. I should have snatched you up.” Kelley said with a smirk. 

 

Tobin wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she grabbed the lapels of her jacket. 

 

“In your dreams, O’hara.” Christen said as she put on her dangly earrings when she entered her bedroom. 

 

Tobin's jaw dropped. So did Kelley's. 

 

“C, you..” Tobin couldn't speak. Her mind was blown and in that instant, she knew that she would never have to pray again to find the meaning of life. 

 

“Chris. You. Are. Fucking. Delicious.” Kelley said.

 

Christen giggled and shyly turned back into her bathroom. 

 

“I'm serious, Tobs. You can't get mad at me if I hit on her.” Kelley said quietly. 

 

“Hey! Hands to yourself, KO.” Tobin said with a furrowed brow. 

 

“I know a pretty girl when I see one. So...all is fair. “ Kelley said as her eyes cruised up and down the length of Christens dress. 

 

Tobin kept a close eye on her freckled face friend for the rest of time they took to get ready. 

 

 

\--

 

 

“No alcohol for you. You promised me.” Christen whispered into Kelley’s ear as she sat on her lap in their stretched out limo with so many bodies surrounding them. It was packed, and Christen had no other place to sit, and to Tobin’s playful dismay, she picked Kelley’s lap because her girlfriend was on the other side of the long limo. Plus, she wanted to keep an eye on her best friend. This night was known for making bad choices, and Kelley just couldn’t afford that anymore.

 

“I know, I know. I promise, Pressy.” Kelley said softly and reassuringly. Christen could feel the reassurance in Kelley’s words on her cheeks as they sat so close.

 

“I love you.” Christen pouted and held Kelley’s face. “I want you to have fun. ALL of us want you to have fun.”

 

Even though the lights were off in the limo, and the only things enabling them to see were the dance and strobe lights and glow sticks, Kelley looked around at all of the girls that she thought she had lost as friends forever. 

 

“ALL of us.” Christen repeated.

 

She looked up at the face of her best friend and warmly smiled.

 

“Thank you.” She said softly

 

\--

 

Prom was actually really stupid. Barely anyone was dancing, only 90s music was being played, and the venue was a banquet hall that was really meant for conferences, not dances. She managed to weather through the cheesy powerpoint presentation going on in the background that talked about new beginnings and life experiences that her and her classmates should cherish. She was rolling her eyes when Vitamin C’s ‘Graduation’ started playing.

 

“Chris, let’s go. This is fucking lame. I want to bounce.” Kelley said as she tugged onto the elastic on Christen’s dress.

 

Her friend turned around and quickly shut her down.

 

“Oh no, Missy. You are staying for your high school prom. Plus, Ash and Al were nominated for Prom Queen and King! Oh my god wouldn’t that be so precious?!?” Christen squealed.

 

Kelley rolled her eyes but halfway through a smile was forming on her face. _It would be really fucking cute._

 

“Plus, you and Tobin somehow ended up in the running. Please! Please! If tobs were to get prom queen, I would DIE to see her have a dance with the prom king. PLEASE KELL, I want to have nice things! Why can’t I have nice things??” Christen pushed.

 

“Fine, fine.” Kelley said. “You owe me.”

 

 

\--

 

 

Hours in, the girl was finally able to let loose a little. The feeling of the end was starting to seep in, even more so than when Kelley dropped to her knees and looked at the scoreboard that said 2-1 for the other team at her last chance at State. Kelley only let herself look back at her own goal after the final whistle, and Hope’s absence signaled the end.

 

But as she danced around with Ali’s hand in hers and her body grooving to the beats at her prom, the happiness and the nostalgia were making her more of an emotional wreck than any drug she had taken. But it was a good kind of emotion. She was holding on to their hands a little tighter, pulling her friends in a little more closer, and her words were sweeter, because their days together were coming to an end.

 

After seeing a picture of Hope in goal on one of the projectors (it was one that the administration had failed to remove from the yearbook slideshow), Kelley had kicked herself to start enjoying the night in the only way that old Kelley, the one Hope fell in love with, could. Brazenly, unapologetically, and with the purpose of having no regrets.

 

She was grinding up on Ali when the music scratched and the voice of her history teacher boomed throughout the venue. He droned on and on about memories and poor choices with alcohol, and Kelley checked out, just like she always did in his classroom. Her eyes wandered the room and she saw all of her classmates. Friends and acquaintances alike, she had to admit that she was going to miss them.

 

Her eyes landed on Adam. He was looking straight at her.

 

The sight of him in a tuxedo that matched her dress made her feel sad.

 

Weeks ago, after an intervention spearheaded by Christen, Kelley had decided to completely cut Adam out of her life. She recalled how he would beg and plead and intercept her in the hallway at school and apologize profusely that he thought that he was doing what she wanted that night. Kelley was too embarrassed and horrified to admit to anyone except Christen that she didn’t even remember what he was referring to.

 

“You’re okay, nothing happened.” Christen held her close.

 

“Then why does he keep apologizing. What did he do??” The tears in Kelley’s eyes fell.

 

It took her weeks after being informed of what happened to actually cut him off.

 

Before, she would still answer his calls, accept his coffees in the morning, and even accepted his prom proposal because on that certain day she was driven insane because she couldn’t get off on one of her go-to sex fantasies with Hope. She knew that her frustration and her depression were messing with her libido, because all day, every minute, every second, she was thinking about a certain keeper. She frustratingly pulled up her shorts and washed her hands before she walked out to her car to go to school.

 

On her usual walk to the soccer cage, a spot they all still met at even though the season was over, Adam had handed a coffee over to her, and Kelley accepted it like she did every morning and then quickly parted ways, citing a bullshit excuse that she had to go talk to a teacher. It wasn’t until Christen looked up at her and then her coffee cup, three times in a row, when she saw what he wrote on her starbucks cup:

 

_  
Knockout, Will you go to Prom with me?_

_[] Yes  
[] No_

_-The boy next door_

 

Kelley locked eyes with Christen and thoughts of Hope’s mysterious abandonment swirled in her brain. Before Christen could open her mouth, Kelley pulled out her phone and texted ‘yes’ to Adam.

 

It wasn’t until Christen tagged along with a very sad and tired looking Kelley into a dress shop, that Christen got the idea that her and her friends needed to get through to their freckled face friend through the process of an intervention.

 

Christen had checked her phone for the billionth time to see if Hope would ever respond to the million of texts sent to her weeks ago, when she looked up to see her best friend looking at herself in the mirror with such dejection and exhaustion. And Christen knew it wasn’t because she didn’t like what she saw in the mirror, because everyone and their mother knew how much Kelley was into herself. Christen knew that it was because they were shopping for a dress that Hope would never see her in.

 

After the intervention, Kelley vowed to cut out all that was bad in her life. And, it had actually fucking worked.

 

First, she went with Tobin to tell Adam that she was not going to prom with him. He just nodded his head and looked down at the floor in response. Second, she got a job at the sports store to fill up her idle time now that she didn’t have soccer practice. It was good because shortly after, they hired Ashlyn and Tobs and being around all of the sports equipment, Kelley had made her first dive into surfing after they spent hours fixing the surfboard display rack. And third, after working lots of hours at the store, Kelley was finally able to afford buying her own car.

 

Her dad practically skipped along with her as they went to the shady car lots, while her mother refused to accept that Kelley was giving back her gift.

 

“I thought it was dad’s gift?” Kelley asked with a biting tone.

 

“Yeah I thought it was MY gift to give, Karen.” Dan said with a light tone.

 

So with only her dad to go with her, Kelley proudly drove off with her 2001 Honda Civic that was missing a radio and barely working AC. She was so proud of it.

 

She drove Christen and Tobin to school in it, and she tried her hardest to ignore Adam’s longing stares at her when they walked to the cage every morning/

 

\--

 

Kelley saw him give her a sad smile before he walked away. She got thrown back into her own thoughts. They had never talked since she had told him she wasn’t going with him, but it was an unspoken agreement that their friendship had taken the wrong turn, with fault to place on everyone.

 

Both him and her were left confused and sad. She should have never accepted his offer to pretend to be her boyfriend and lie to the person she loved, and he should have never kissed her when he smelled the alcohol on her breath. Good intentions mixed in with heart to hearts and hormones had ruined what could have been a really good friendship.

 

“What the fuck??” Tobin said underneath her breath.

 

“I’m sorry baby, I know how much you wanted to da-”

 

“Kelley! Go!” Ali hushed at her.

 

Kelley shook her head, confused. Ali repeated her command.

 

“What?” Kelley asked.

 

“KO, they called your name. Go up there!” Tobin said as she pushed Kelley forward and then gave her a playful tap on the butt. She looked around at her classmates with wide eyes and felt the spotlight shine on her. She shielded her eyes from the bright light and then finally stepped forward to where her history teacher was looking up at her.

 

“There you have it, folks. Your 2016 Prom King and Queen!”

 

The light was so bright and the haziness of the smoke machine AND her brain prevented her from realizing up until this point, that Adam was right by her side and grabbing her hand and smiling for the pictures being snapped.

 

“Clear the dance floor folks, so that they can have their first dance.”

 

 

\--

 

 

Before Kelley threw her hands around his neck as a slow song started playing, she saw Christen give her a hesitant thumbs up, and a stressed Tobin biting her nails. Kelley finally looked Adam Wright in the eyes, the first time in a long time.

 

“I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time. They both chuckled.

 

“You can go first.” Kelley offered. The tension eased.

 

“I don’t really know..I have thought about what I could say if I ever got the chance to talk to you again. I have no clue what I came up with.” Adam chuckled.

 

“Well, your shiner is almost gone.” Kelley rubbed his left eye.

 

“Yeah...that Hope Solo really knows how to pack a punch.” He said with a grin. 

 

At the mention of her name, Kelley’s easy going rhythm was starting to falter.

 

“I know what I’m going to say.” Adam said strongly at the sight of Kelley’s down cast eyes.

 

“I’m sorry for putting you in that position.” He said softly. “I really didn’t intend for any of this to happen. I really just wanted to help you out. And halfway in, I knew how much you loved her. I saw the way you lit up when you talked about her and how scared you were that she was going to be disappointed in you. I knew.

 

“And, I still have feelings for you, Kellz. So much. I wish you’d be going to Stanford with me as _my_ girlfriend.

 

“But I know that would never work. I know that you could never feel something for me the way you do, Hope. She’s awesome. Fuck, I even had a crush on her. Sorry about that, too.” Adam chuckled.

 

Their laughter flowed between them.

 

“I’m sorry I let it get this far.” Kelley said quietly. The continued to dance in rhythm until the song ended.

 

“Have you talked to her?” Adam asked as he drew his hands away from her hips and put some distance between them.

 

Kelley shook her head with a sad smile.”She’s posted three photos on instagram, so I know she’s alive.” Kelley shrugged.

 

“Really? None of you have talked to her?” Adam asked with disbelief.

 

“She won’t respond to Christen’s texts, but we think that she doesn’t have that phone number anymore.”

 

Adam nodded slowly and sadly. 

 

“Well I hope you find your happiness, Kell.” Adam said.

 

She brought him into a hug before she parted ways with him and joined her friends.

 

 

\--

 

“Are you sure you’re coming?” Christen asked.

 

“Yes, Christen. Of course! C’mon Honey that’s the fifth time you’ve asked.” Judy said with a smile.

 

“I know! I just want make sure you’re going, It would be really sad if you didn’t go.” The girls said with a pout.

 

“Oh hon. Even before you and Tobin started spending all of your time here, Hope’s teammates have been always welcome in my house. You’re all my daughters. I wouldn’t miss your graduation for the world.”

 

A warm feeling spread throughout the girl's body. 

 

“And you promise she doesn't know that you're telling me all of this?” 

 

“I promise.” Judy said. “Sometimes she can be stubborn. But I know when someone is really looking out for her.”

 

“Okay, I gotta go home. My mom says she's missing me and I have to get ready for the festivities tomorrow. You'll be there at 4, right??”

 

Judy nodded and waved from the front door as Christen jogged to her car. 

 

 

 

\--

 

“Yo for real though, why can't I have a discount on this surfboard, Marcus? I'm graduating tomorrow and I'm your best employee!” Tobin asked passionately as she held the surfboard in her arms. 

 

“Tobs, you're not my best employee. That would be Kelley.” Marcus said with a grin. 

 

“Nah, nah, nah. You just say that because Kelley managed to convince Cindy to buy that stupid kayak for you and that trip you guys have coming up.”

 

“No tobs, it's because she actually works.” Marcus said as he locked up the register. 

 

“C'mon man. Like a 20% discount? You're manager, you can pull it off. ” Tobin pushed as they both locked up the doors. 

 

“I'll think about it.” He chuckled. They both walked to their own cars. 

 

Tobin broke the silence. 

 

“You haven't told Kelley, right?” Tobin asked with a serious face. 

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Does Hope know that you've told me?”

 

Momentary silence. 

 

“No. I haven't really talked to her....” he said guiltily. 

 

“Bro, you serious? We talked about this-”

 

“I know, Tobs.”

 

“Hope doesn't know that Kelley works for you? Or I guess worked since she had her last day already...”

 

“No.” 

 

“Bro.”

 

“I know.” Marcus sighed. As he opened to car to his door he paused. 

 

“You know what, I'll give you 50% off.” 

 

Tobin jumped up with glee.

 

“Wait, why? What's the catch?” Tobin said with narrowed eyes. 

 

“No catch.” He said simply. “Kelley finally bought me a pair of headphone she's owed me, and I'm paying it forward. Helping ya out.” He said with a smirk. 

 

 

\--

 

 

Judy internally groaned when she saw Dan and Karen and their two other children, sliding up the aisle to take the seats next to her and Stacy and her husband. 

 

“Oh shit.” Stacy said under her breath. Judy rolled her eyes when she realized how good of an actor Stacy was when she happily greeted Karen. Judy knew better. Ever since Hope’s arrest and Christen and the team’s constant presence at the Solo residence, it was hard for Judy and Stacy not to pick up on all of the drama going on in their kids life. Even after Hope left. 

 

Judy had cut down on her hours at work now the Hope was gone and Marcus was now earning a lot more money since he had gotten a promotion. Plus, he was never home since he had practically moved in with his girlfriend. There was no need for her to work as much. And now, for the first time in her long adult life, she could go home and enjoy a home all to herself. 

 

But Hope’s friends made sure not to let that happen. Judy was pretty sure that it was Christen’s doing, but she couldn’t help but feel touched that this close friend of Hope’s was trying to make Hope’s absence not so blindingly painful. Judy would come home at a normal hour to find a couple of soccer players at her door with grocery bags in their hands, ready to make themselves _and her_ dinner. It was almost a nightly thing. Most times, it was the whole soccer team.

 

Minus Kelley. She never came around. 

 

Marcus informed her late one night that it was because she was always working and because, she still couldn't face the mother of the person’s life that she had ruined. 

 

“She's not ready to face you yet.” Marcus said sadly. 

 

That saddened Judy most nights that Hope’s friends came over. And most nights turned into a four hour long gossip session in which Stacy could not turn down. When her friends told the women about all of the drama, the women couldn't help but feel bad for Hope’s first love, and despise Karen O’Hara. 

 

And as she curtly shook that woman's hand and then gave Dan a hug at the ceremony, Judy couldn't help but think:

 

_I will never do that. Not to the one, wonderful daughter I have._

 

\-- 

 

The ceremony was boring and long and the parents only got excited when their child was called. Judy’s heart leapt every time one of the girls names got called and they each walked across the stage in highs heels that their soccer legs weren't used to. She stayed silent when Kelley's older sister whooped and cheered and Dan yelled his head off for his daughter, but she put her hand over her heart to soothe the pang in her chest at the sight of her crossing the stage. 

 

Judy awkwardly stood with all of the parents while they waited by the grass for their children to come find them in the huge crowd full of families and graduates. 

 

Eventually the kids startle to trickle in and find their way. 

 

Judy smiled brightly when Kelley shyly walked up to the group of parents. The girl hugged her parents, while her sister tipped her cap out of her hair and started ruffling her hair. 

 

“Fuck you Erin! I still need to take pictures!” Kelley yelled as she bent down to pick her cap and tassel off the ground. 

 

“Language.” Dan said with a smirk. 

 

“I thought we were passed that, Daniel.” Erin said with a chuckle. 

 

“Kell-bell, take a picture with me in your pretty dress!” Jerry said as he threw his arm around her waist, the highest point he could reach. 

 

Judy noticed the way Kelley melted at his request and as they took a goofy picture next. The woman offered to take the rest of the pictures of Kelley and her family. 

 

After the last one, Kelley closed the space and gave Judy a tight hug. 

 

“Thank you.” Kelley whispered. 

 

“Hope would have been proud of you.” 

 

Kelley wiped a small tear that escaped her eyes and all of the warm memories with Hope in their early days flooded her brain. This was the end of an era, so Kelley couldn't help but think of the beginning at the mention of Hope. The diploma in her hand and the pain in her feet from the high heels she wore were all symbols of accomplishment and ending. But the absence of Hope was never something she thought would be in her cards in her beginning days. Today was bittersweet. 

 

“So is this hard since your daughter isn't here?” Karen asked. 

 

“Karen..” Dan wiped his face in frustration at his wife’s lack of tact. 

 

“No it’s okay. It's not that hard. My daughter is off doing something amazing. Plus I get to see her friends experience this big event in their life. Something she's not able to do.” Karen said sweetly. 

 

“You should be really proud.” Judy said as she looked Karen straight in the eye. “Your daughter is a wonderful person who is going to do a lot in this life. I see why my daughter fell in love with her.”

 

She turned to Kelley who was absolutely beaming. 

 

“How uh-how is Hopester doing?” Dan asked after glanced at his wife who had walked off. 

 

“She's doing awesome.” Judy said without tearing her gaze from Kelley. 

 

“That's good. Kell-Bell here has been wondering how she's been holding up.” Dan said as he put a reassuring hand on his daughter, who was uncharacteristically quiet. “We uh. We haven't seen her around. Even Erin is missing her.” he chuckled. 

 

“Yeah me too.” Judy said sadly. “But that's what happens when there's thousands and thousands of miles of land and ocean between each other.”

 

“Ocean?” Kelley asked with confusion. 

 

“Yeah.” Judy hesitated. She promised her daughter she wouldn't tell the Kelley. But as she stood in front of this innocent girl who Judy knew had so much more love to give her daughter, she couldn't stop. 

 

“She earned her spot as starting keeper for the club.”

 

Kelley held her breath. 

 

“Hope is out in Sweden.”

 

Kelley's heart stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many of you have shared your personal experiences with me. Just wanted you to know that I appreciate it and it touches my heart.
> 
> Also, thanks to those that have stuck around. It's a long one, I know.
> 
> -Wretched


	18. People Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kelley wriggled out of her mom’s grasp and looked at this woman who had no clue. No chance. And no knowledge as to her misguided and dangerous method of parenting. Kelley almost felt sorry for her."

\--

 

“Just because you're going to a smarty pants institution does not give you the right to put YOUR SHIT everywhere!” Erin yelled out as she walked through the clutter of Kelley's things, some packed in boxes, some strewn about on the floor with no rhyme or reason. 

 

“Yes it does!” She heard her younger sister call out. 

 

“Fucking brat.” Erin muttered to herself. The older sister then leaned herself back so that she could look out the window. He was in his usual spot. 

 

One thing she loved about this house, was how silent the front door was. It was her biggest ally back when she was still in high school and all she wanted was to meet up with Cole so that they could study each other's anatomy under the moonlight that beamed in through his sunroof. But, it was also her biggest enemy when he had his hands down her pants when they were not really watching a movie that was playing in the living room, and her parents had just come back from a dinner date. _You can’t have everything._

 

She opened it so slowly, at a turtle’s pace. He had his back to her. Five steps and then she jumped up on her dad to scare him. It was successful. He clutched at his heart when he realized the culprit. 

 

“You know, whatever they say, all parents have a favorite child.” Dan said as he doubled over and rubbed at his chest.

 

Erin raised her eyebrows in question.

 

“It’s Jerry.” Dan said simply. Erin laughed.

 

“What's up, Er-bear?” Dan said as he chewed up his gum and his heart rate slowed. 

 

“I used to hate that nickname.” Erin said. “But now it's alright. You're alright.” She said affectionately and nudged him in the arm. She beamed at him and he put his arm around her for a little hug. 

 

“I haven't screwed you guys up, too much.” He said with a satisfied grin. 

 

Their laughter flowed easily and they both stood on the driveway looking out. 

 

“What are you guys going to do with that thing right there?” Erin asked as she pointed at the bright blue car parked five feet in front of them. 

 

Dan sighed. 

 

“I have no idea. It's technically not mine, so it's not my issue.” He shrugged. 

 

“You think mom will let me have it??” Erin asked excitedly. 

 

Dan shrugged. 

 

“Why not, kid? You have a boyfriend right? You don't think you will a have a girlfriend anytime soon?” Dan playfully shrugged. “Try your chances.” 

 

“Why is mom such a basket case about Kelley being a lesbian anyways?” Erin said as she rolled her eyes.

 

Dan laughed. 

 

“I don't know, Er.”

 

“I mean, is she fucking blind? Kelley's had her hands down Hope’s metaphorical pants since they were thirteen.” 

 

Dan just put his head in his hands and shook it side to side, not wanting to even begin to think about his second daughter in that sense. The fact that Erin cussed was forgotten. 

 

“Just, don't, okay? I’m your guys’ dad. Stop.” Dan said after he cringed. 

 

“But for real. What's her issue? I didn't know she was so homophobic? You guys have never said shit about gay people when we were growing up...”

 

“Yeah...let me put it this way, kid. It came as a surprise to me, too.” He said with a frown. 

 

“Dad. She's fucking crazy. Kelley's a brat, but that should have NEVER happened to her” Erin said strongly. 

 

“I know, Erin.”

 

“No! It pisses me off. And mom thinks she can buy Kelley into being straight?? Did she really think that it was going to work??” 

 

“Erin. Listen. I know that I am perfect and that as your dad, I never make a mistake,” he smiled at that, “but your mom is human, just like you. And parents DO make mistakes. And believe it or not, there are times when we don't always do the right thing.” He said softly. 

 

“That's not a mistake, dad. That's a belief. And a bullshit one, too.” Erin pressed. 

 

Dan just nodded. _Well, can’t argue with that..._

 

“We’re working on it.” He said with a nod. 

 

“Oh c’mon dad. You really think it will change? She's the type who is still living in the 50s. Pretty soon she's going to tell me that I have to marry Cole and have five babies with him by the time I hit twenty two.” Erin helped up her five fingers to emphasize her point. 

 

“Hey. Have some faith.” He said softly. 

 

“Why?! She's crazy.” Erin pushed. 

 

Her question was met with silence. 

 

“People change.” Dan said softly.

 

“No they don't, Daniel.”

 

“Look at me.” He pointed to his mouth. “Making progress and chewing on some gum instead of my cigs.” He said satisfied. “It's been three months. It's hard, but I've kicked the habit before, and I can do it again.”

 

Erin rolled her eyes. 

 

“Dad, you realize that you're just proving my point, right? You DID NOT CHANGE! You went back to your nasty habit!” 

 

“Well I act-”

 

“No! It’s exactly my point! Mom’s not going to change. She's going to continue being a fucking homophobe that's going to pray over Kelley every chance she can!” Erin yelled. 

 

Dan looked up when he saw movement behind Erin's head. 

 

“She didn't deserve that! I mean, I know I give her a hard time because she can totally be a messy selfish brat, but she's my kid sister and I feel responsible for her! And I couldn't be here to stand up for her this time because I don't live here anymore! And she's so precious and smart and the way she melts around Hope is adorable!” Erin was starting to choke up a little. “And she just loves so fiercely and stupidly that it broke my heart when I had to pick her up one night at Tito’s-”

 

“When was this?” Dan looked up over her head when he asked. 

 

“I don't know. A long time ago. Anyways, besides the point, Kell’s a good kid. And she didn't do anything wrong. She's actually an annoyingly perfect child who I want to strangle because she's so good for this world and she's so much better than me at fucking everything!” Erin threw her hands up.

 

“If I didn't know any better, I would say that you actually...love your sister?” Dan chuckled as he asked with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“Yeah well, don't go telling her that..” Erin rolled her eyes. 

 

“Why not?? Why can't you tell your sister that you love her?” 

 

“Because, she would never let me live it down!” Erin threw her hands up in the air. 

 

“Plus I didn't start realizing how good of a kid she actually was until she started opening up to me about Hope recently. She's actually really smart. And stupid. But she loved Hope. And I feel guilty that she couldn't talk to me about it. ” Erin said sadly. 

 

“Yeah, you guys have gotten close.” Dan said softly. “Which is why you should be able to tell her you love her. You never did that as a kids. You're older now.” He said strongly. 

 

“Fine, I love her!” Erin threw her hands up, in defeat. 

 

The oldest sister felt a small pair of arms wrap around her waist from behind and someone nuzzle in the space between her shoulder blades. Her body jumped at the first contact but she looked down at the hands, too small and clean to be Jerry’s, and the arms to muscular to be her mom’s. 

 

“See, people change.” Dan said with a knowing smile. 

 

 

\--

 

“God, you fucking suck.” Pinoe said with a pout and handed the controller over to Kling. 

 

“Pins. You can't be mad that I beat you. Be a good sport.” Kelley grinned. 

 

“No it's completely not fair!” Kling said in Pinoe’s defense. “You're like Justin Bieber. You're one of those kids who are just fucking good at everything!” 

 

Kelley smirked when they started another game of FIFA. 

 

Tobin pouted in the corner while Christen sat on her lap and stroked her hair to soothe the dethroned FIFA queen. 

 

“I love you, it's okay.” Christen said over and over. 

 

“Christen’s love don't mean shit when it comes to beating me Tobs.” Kelley yelled from her spot on the couch. She didn't need to turn around to see Tobin's scowl. 

 

“Alright, fuck that.” Tobin elbowed Kling aside and the two went at it, with Tobin trailing by two goals already. The rest of the girls went back into Christen’s house to get more servings of lasagna, more than happy to find an excuse to leave those two alone. 

 

After three games, ones in which Kelley was frustratingly leading by a goal, Kelley quietly asked without taking her eyes off of the screen, “Does Christen know?”

 

It was met with the sounds of buttons being pressed furiously. 

 

“No.” Tobin responded quietly. 

 

“Why haven't you told her?” Neither of them had taken their eyes off of this very close game. 

 

“Why haven't you?”

 

“Because she's not my girlfriend.”

 

Tobin nodded her head. _Fair point._

 

“Are you going to?” Kelley paused the game. 

 

“Kell, I'm not even supposed to know she's in Goten-Gothen- fuck Gothenburg. Shit I can't even pronounce it. Plus. I don't know anything. I just know she's out there. That’s all Marcus told me really.” Tobin shrugged. 

 

“You're telling me that you guys don't talk about it??” Kelley asked in disbelief. 

 

“Actually not really.. every time we did in the past, she would just get sad.” Tobin said. 

 

Kelley knew how that felt. 

 

“I just can't believe that there is nothing in the news about it.” Kelley said as she resumed the game. “You would think that the Equalizer would have been all over the fact that the most likely U20 starting keeper is now playing overseas and in no state of mind to coming back to play for the national tea-fuck.”

 

“I didn't know that..” Tobin looked over at Kelley who started biting her nails and averting her gaze from her friend. 

 

“Y-y-yes you do..” the forwards eyes didn't quite meet her friend’s. 

 

“O’hara.” Tobin’s heart was beating fast and she tugged at Kelley's arm to get her to look at her. “Are you serious?”

 

Kelley just nodded and blankly stared at the video game at a standstill. 

 

“Where did y-”

 

“Her mom.”

 

They both sat in silence for awhile. 

 

“But. That. That doesn't make sense. She was going to get call ups to the full team to get training. Why would she..she's got it made...”

 

Kelley just shrugged. She shut off the Xbox console. Both of them just sat in Christen’s silent garage.

 

“Hey.” Tobin's voice turned soft all of a sudden. She grabbed Kelley's arm to steady her. “You seem to be doing better. Are...you?”

 

“No.” Kelley laughed. 

 

“I'm a fucking mess.” Kelley said with a sad smile and reached out for Tobin's hand. The midfielder held it tightly.

 

“Really? I can't recall having to hold you hair back from your hangover pukes in forever! I swear KO. Alcohol is just not for you.” Tobin said with a playful grin. 

 

Kelley’s cheeks went red. The embarrassment of her downward spiral were horrifying to relive and mentally regurgitate from the depths of her subconscious. She tried hard to bury it there. 

 

“I hate that I can't even look at a goal because it reminds me too much of her. Which is going to really fuck me over when I start training in Cali.” Kelley rolled her eyes. 

 

“I hate that I still me have panic attacks. They’re so far and few between, but I still have them. And I can't stand seeing that FUCKING CAR in my driveway because it reminds me of the shit I'll never pull anymore. Fuck, Tobs. I'm such a mess still!” Her breathing was heavy now. But Tobin was still holding her hand. 

 

“I miss her.” Kelley said as pain shot across her chest. “But at the same time, I have to look back at pictures to remember the details of her face because they're starting to become fuzzy in my brain.” The tears were starting to well.

 

“Ya know one time I told her that I would never forget her voice. I still remember it, but it's more hollow in my dreams.”

 

“Shit...” Tobin said quietly. 

 

“I guess that's what she wanted though.” Kelley rested her head back on the designated game couch. “Without a fucking goodbye, I'm sure she just wanted to go off in the sunset and forget about me, and I forget about her so that I wouldn't bother her anymore. She didn't take into consideration how fucking...in love with her I am.” Kelley breathed out the last few words. 

 

“You really think HS just forgot about you?” Tobin said with a raised eyebrow. 

 

Kelley raised her arms up. 

 

“Of fucking course Tobs! You told me she literally drove off in _her_ fucking car! Ugh I hate her!”

 

“Who?”

 

“Ugh i don't know. I can't choose.” Kelley grumbled. 

 

“Listen, I haven't talked to Hope, but I can bet my left foot that she hasn't forgotten about you.” Tobin said. 

 

“None of it matters, Tobs.” Kelley said in a quiet tone. 

 

“Yes it does.”

 

“No.” Kelley looked Tobin square in the eye.

 

“She left me here. She's miles and miles always, leaving me to be forever seventeen, cleaning up the messes that I've made.”

 

Tobin let the strength of Kelley's words hit her. 

 

“I don't know how I'm honestly still alive.” Kelley wiped the tears that had managed to fall from her face. “But I'm here, right?” She said with a smile. 

 

“Shit, KO.” Tobin said with a breath and a smirk. 

 

“What?” Kelley asked. 

 

“Have you ever opened up to someone like this other than CP and Hope??” Tobin asked.

 

“Shit...” The realization hit her. She had just spilled to Tobin a summary of all of the emotions that boiled and brewed and tore and razed her quintessence as a human being. 

 

It was an oddly orgasmic feeling to let it all out. Well not in the physical sense, but the part of her brain that kept all of her feelings pent up just felt the sweet release of tension. 

 

“How does it feel?” Tobin asked with a wide smile. 

 

“I feel like I’m..” And just like random hookup sex, after the high crashed and you realized that you didn’t actually know this person and your whole body was on display, Kelley felt, “...exposed.”

 

“I'm not gonna hurt you.” Tobin whispered. She scooted closed and put her arm around Kelley, who put her head down on her friend's shoulder. “I'm so proud of you.” She kissed the top of Kelley's head. 

 

“For what Tobs?” Kelley asked. 

 

“For growing up.”

 

Christen and the rest of the team walked in to find a sobbing Kelley wrapped up in Tobin's arms. 

 

\--

 

 

“Sometimes I think that you like her more than you like me.” Stacy jokingly pouted as Christen’s left foot was halfway out the door. 

 

The daughter rolled her eyes. 

 

“Mooooom.”

 

“I'm just joking. I swear! I'm glad you're talking to her. She deserves the world. After everything that they woman had been though...” Stacy waved her hand. 

 

“Thank you.” Christen said as she put her earbuds into her ear. And turned to jog out the door. 

 

“You know though...” Stacy called out loud enough for Christen to groan, turn around, and then pluck out her earbuds again. 

 

“You can't be mad at her your whole life.” Stacy said with raised eyebrows. 

 

“Why would I be mad at Judy?” Christen scrunched her face in confusion. 

 

“I'm talking about Hope, baby.” Stacy said softly. 

 

The girl threw her head back and rolled her eyes. 

 

“I'm not mad at her mom. Now can I go on my run?” She asked impatiently. 

 

“Fine fine. Are you going to have dinner at Tobin's?”

 

But Christen was already out the door, and Stacy could only see the sole of her daughter’s tennis shoe from the upkick of her jog by the time she looked up. 

 

“That child, I swear.” Stacy muttered to herself. 

 

 

\--

 

_I’m not mad. I didn't just get fucking left in her bed. I didn't spend basically my entire senior year being the only one to know everything about her and Kelley. I didn't spend countless hours on the phone with her while I could have been out with Tobin. I didn't have to clean and dress her hand. And I definitely didn't have to glue back the decaying mind and body of Kelley O’hara like a worn out plastic Barbie doll._

 

The forward let the beat of the music set the tempo of her run and the bitterness in her blood. 

 

_I can't believe you didn't even message me back. Facebook, twitter, fucking nothing. You don't do this to ME. You don't shut out ME. You didn't even wake me up. You didn't even tell me goodbye._

 

Christen turned the familiar corner and spotted out the usual house. She could see Judy’s car in the driveway, but there was something different there. She slowed her pace, took her earbuds out, and came to a complete stop in front of Hope’s driveway. 

 

She stood there, looking at Hope’s truck. 

 

\--

 

 

_Wait...does that mean...is Hope..is Hope here???_

 

She quickly walked up the driveway and got excited when she saw Marcus in their garage/gym, messing around with some punching bag. 

 

“Marc! Hey! Is Hope back in town??” Christen pointed at the truck in the driveway. 

 

_Because then maybe, I can get an explanation. Because then, I won't drive myself crazy being upset and left and without answers._

 

Christen hated not having the answers. 

 

Marcus shook his head. 

 

Christen felt a pang in her chest. 

 

“Sorry, C. I just got it back from the shop that our grandparents have been keeping it at. Figured that now Hope’s not here, it's safe from being taken out on a joy ride.” He sadly smiled. 

 

She couldn't hide the sadness in her face. 

 

“Hey so how are you and Tobs? Been surfing with her and her new board?” He asked as he took off the boxing gloves on his hands. 

 

“Nope. That's not really my thing. Her and Kelley do it everyday since it's the summer. I just usually read or do some yoga on the beach while they're out there.”

 

“Ah. Well you should get Cindy to do yoga. Chill her out. That woman needs it.” Marcus playfully rolled his eyes. He noticed that Christen’s laugh didn't quite meet her eyes. 

 

“You good, C?” He asked. 

 

She sighed. 

 

She could give him the simple answer. But something about the way he stood there with ocean blue eyes that reminded her of the one person she wished she could yell and bitch at, made her give him the more honest answer.

 

“I'm not.” Christen hung her head. 

 

“Come inside. Let’s talk.” He motioned to the door and she followed him in.

 

\--

 

“Well let’s just agree to keep each other in the loop and honest about things.” Ashlyn said simply. She stood in her bedroom and looked around the room for things that she could easily fit into the box at her feet.

 

“I agree.” Ali said quietly.

 

“Problem solved!” Ashlyn said with a smile. She unsuccessfully tried to fit her three skateboards in the box.

 

“You think I should just take my chances and bring my surfboard?” Ashlyn asked.

 

But Ali was a million miles away.

 

“Earth to Al!” Ashlyn waved her hand furiously. 

 

“Oh, uh. What?”

 

“Surfboard. No? Yes?” Ashlyn asked.

 

“No.” Ali said simply.

 

“No fun.”

 

Just then a ringing buzzed from Ashlyn’s open laptop.

 

“Ooo!” Ashlyn jumped up quickly to her desk and Ali followed. She clicked on the message notification stating that there was an incoming Skype call.

 

“YOOOOOOO!” Ashlyn yelled.  
A good natured chuckle erupted from the speakers as Ashlyn and Ali pulled up chairs to sit around her desk.

 

“You look a lot different from the last time we talked to you Solo.” Ali said.

 

“It’s only been a week!”

 

“Yeah, but your skin is tanner. Your jawline more menacing. More sharp. What’s in the water over there?” Ash asked with a furrowed brow.

 

“Ya know, I think it’s more because of the lack of fast food.” Hope said a nod. “They tell me what to eat guys! Like there is nothing that goes in my mouth that they don’t control. Shit’s cray.”

 

“That sounds like no fun.” Ali pouted.

 

“Eh, it's alright. Look, I have six pack now instead of a four pack!” Hope raised her shirt to show her friends.

 

“Alright, Alright. I can consider dating you now.” Ashlyn said with a smirk.

 

“Go ahead, please.” Ali said with an eye roll. Hope chuckled.

 

“So what else is going on?? Any new friends? Any new sights? How’s your FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE life Solo?!?!” Ashlyn asked with a wide smile. Hope matched her expression.

 

“Umm. Yeah! The women are so nice and welcoming guys!. I mean at first it was confusing and intimidating like I told you, because I don’t speak the language and I swear, my hand almost fell off after blocking one shot. I thought that it would be just like the U20’s practice but just a little more intense, but fuck. It’s that times ten and the women here are so GOOD. And different. But they take me out to bars and teach me some words and a lot of them speak english so it’s great!” Hope beamed.

 

“Man, you are smiling so big.” Ali teased.

 

“I know! It’s just been a fucking ride. And, I told you, they knew who I was! A lot of them play on their own country’s national team, so they had heard of me, so it was....nice. Nice to know that I’ve done something right.”

 

“But anyways! Enough about me, how are you guys?? How’s it holding up over there?” Hope asked, reminding herself that she couldn’t talk on end about her life, no matter how much she wanted to.

 

“Eh. It’s boring. Nothing like your life.” Ashlyn said with a wink into the webcam on her laptop.  
“Oh c’mon.” Hope offered.

 

“Well, I’m packing because Tobs and I are going to leave in a few days. This one over here keeps pestering me and telling me that I need to pack now.” Ali rolled her eyes at that.

 

“Um..Chris and KO are going to leave tomorrow for San Fran with their families so that they can spend a day there before they go to Palo Alto.” Ashlyn internally cringed at the mention of Kelley, but the subject was inevitable.

 

“Cool, Cool. So what are you two doing about the long distance thing...?” Hope asked with caution.

 

Ashlyn and Ali looked at each other.

 

“Umm...we will figure it out.” Ashlyn said as she looked at her girlfriend. “We will keep an open line of communication.” That was all that needed to be said.

 

“Cool. So how is Chris?” Ali noticed the Hope was looking down at her lap when she asked that question.

 

“She’s okay. Her and Tobs are full on doing the long distance. But they’re good. She’s not as excited as she was to leave for California though. Pretentious Pressy is starting to want to stay here so that she can stay with Tobin.” Ali said with smirk. “But nah, she’s been a little bummed out recently.”

 

“Is she alright?” Hope looked up from her lap with concern.

 

“Eh. I think it’s just everything. And..she’s bummed that you haven’t talked to her.” Ashlyn said with a sad smile.

 

“I think she’s just confused.” Ali said softly.

 

“They all are.” Ashlyn said.

 

Hope sighed. “I know, I just.”

 

“Look, we know. And we’re glad that you’re talking to us. I just think that you’re two best friends deserve to be a little pissed off or sad that you left without a word.” Ali said with a grim look.

 

“Yeah, I think Kell just went on the deep end the second she found out you left. I swear, Tobs and I had to clean up so much KO puke because she would show up to school drunk. It hasn’t happened in forever and I think CP kind of slapped some sense into her, but I think Kell just kind of didn’t want to deal with it so she just got fucked up with with different sorts of people. Right, Al? Like one day she was hanging with a random goth girl and Kling found her smoking in the back of the gym.” Ashlyn shook her head.

 

“Yeah, that was weird.” Ali said. “But I think CP just kinda concentrated on Kelley for awhile and then when she got better, I think Chris had all this time to think about herself and she kinda had to deal with not knowing what happened to you. I think she’s just as hurt as Kell, dude. She was sober for it all. And I think she kinda needs someone to deal with all of this shit, to be honest.” 

 

Hope looked like she was going to cry.

 

“Dude, you don’t even need to call her. Just message her. I mean I get why you can’t talk to KO right now, but Chris? C’mon.” Ali said.

 

“I can’t.” Hope said through her hands on her face.

 

“Why?”

 

“You guys. You just don’t understand.” Hope said in defeat.

 

“Well then, fucking explain, Solo.” Ali said in frustration.

 

“Look! I’m still so pissed at Kelley! Okay, I still can’t think of her and NOT get so angry about EVERYTHING! I know that it’s not her fault and that she didn’t make me punch him, but I just haven’t forgiven her. Not yet. And...And..I’ve made it a fucking priority not to think about her. But with Chris..I just feel. I feel guilty and embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I don’t know how to explain it. Having to deal with Christen’s disappointment in me is just TOO MUCH.” She took a moment to formulate her thoughts.

 

“With Kell, I feel like I don’t owe her anything at this point. I know that I can’t blame all of it on her, but, I don’t know. But I just feel like...I owe Chris everything. The truth, an explanation, a fucking ‘how are you? I’m doing great, by the way, I’m playing professionally in Sweden. How is your day?’ And I just feel guilty! I let the weeks and then months go by and I just couldn’t look at her messages on facebook and not think of Kelley.” Hope’s face was wet with tears at this point.

 

“I don’t know if that made any sense...” Hope chuckled.

 

Ashlyn bobbed her head up and down. “It made some sense..”

 

“I just. CP reminds me too much of Kelley right now. And I don’t-can’t deal with it. And that kills me a little everyday when I have time to think about it. It does. I care about her. She- fuck she helped me out so much. And I know that I owe her!” Hope said sadly.

 

“But I deserve some happiness, you guys.” They both nodded at that. “And I know i’m being selfish, but I had NO ONE here at first. And they have each other. They will be okay.”

 

“Sho nuff’.” Ali said with a small smile. The two watched the screen as Hope wiped her face to compose herself.

 

“How is she, by the way?” Hope couldn’t help to ask. She always would. No matter how much she didn’t want to think about her, and no matter how many hours afterwards she would have to punish herself for thinking about her, or mentally block her out for the next time they talked, she would always want to know.

 

The couple didn’t need Hope to explain who she was talking about.

 

\--

 

“Kelley, please. Just reconsider taking that car. You can leave it here, and when Jerry gets older he can use it as his first car.” Karen said to her daughter as the whole family packed up the minivan.

 

“Mom, what is the problem with it?” Kelley half yelled.

 

“It’s not reliable! It’s an unpredictable car! And it’s not going to last you. Sure it was fun and exciting to get it on your own, but it’s just a phase. The excitement is just a phase. It’s not stable. It’s not respectable.”

 

Kelley titled her head to the side and narrowed her eyes at her mom.

 

“What are we really talking about, mom?” It was an O’Hara challenge. And Kelley’s stare never wavered.

 

“She’s talking about you being a lezzy!” Erin shouted from inside of Kelley’s Honda.

 

“What’s a lezzy?” Jerry asked from his seat in the van.

 

“It’s a female that has feelings for a female, Jer.” Dan said with a smirk as he stuffed more boxes into the empty seats.

 

Kelley looked at her mom to say something. _What is it, Karen?_

 

“Oh! So like Kelley!” Jerry said in excitement.

 

“Yeah bud.” Dan chuckled. He looked up to see Kelley staring her mom down.

 

“Kell, you’re going to have to strap this surfboard down on the top of your car. Come help me.” He said loudly, hoping to diffuse whatever fight was going to erupt.

 

When Kelley turned to help, Karen grabbed her by the arm and quietly pleaded. “Please, Kell. I just want you to be happy and have a normal life. You’re so smart, and beautiful. You would have no problem getting a man.” Karen looked like she was going to cry.

 

Kelley wriggled out of her mom’s grasp and looked at this woman who had no clue. No chance. And no knowledge as to her misguided and dangerous method of parenting. Kelley almost felt sorry for her. She whispered to her mom so that only she could hear.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, if anyone can name the song that a stole a line of lyric from, you my friend get extra brownie points.
> 
>  
> 
> \- Wretched


	19. Freshman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because yeah, you may have replaced your juvenile habits with fucking every girl you see, but you just found an ‘adult’ way to cope. You haven't actually grown up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAKE SURE TO HAVE READ CH 18 BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER.

\--

 

Kelley loved being in a sorority. Christen, not so much. Well, officially, it was only Kelley who was a sister, but mostly everyone assumed Christen was too because she was always in Kelley’s bed, studying or listening to music while Kelley juggled a ball. But it came to the point where Christen got invited to every sorority event with Kelley. 

 

The freckled face girl loved everything about never being alone, never having her own personal space, and never having a dull moment. It was a great distraction. And, there was always an abundance of girls. An abundance.

 

And it didn’t matter that a lot of the girls were straight because they all loved Kelley’s bubbly personality and smooth talking ways. Her raspy voice, six pack, and jacked arms reminded a lot of them of their boyfriend’s strength, but with an added benefit of knowing how to actually please a woman. Her soft lips replaced their scratchy beards, the scent of her shampoo replaced their smell of sweat, and her strong biceps and unwavering source of energy was MORE than an acceptable substitute for that useless appendage that most of them could do without. Plus, it was college. And Kelley was a hot and harmless piece of ass that would promise to please you and keep it a secret. 

 

If you told her to back off, she would instantly, leaving you to miss her advances and stare at her longingly from your corner with a drink in your hand while some asshole tried to swoop in. At the end of the night, you usually ended up in the Kappa Kappa Gamma house basement with your legs wide open and her hand over your mouth while she unraveled you with every lick and stroke of that amazingly skillful mouth of hers. And when you woke up in the morning, she would serve you breakfast and kiss you on the cheek, promising to never mention it to anyone. You’d thank her and then go on with your life. 

 

Every once in awhile you would see her on campus with an equally beautiful girl with mocha colored skin, and you would think to yourself ‘that’s probably her girlfriend’, or you would see her name in the paper, talking about some spectacular goal or touchdown or whatever they score in soccer, or you would see her at starbucks. It didn’t matter where, because any time you would see her and you caught her eye, she would just give you a wink before she carried on with her life.

 

You’d turn to your group of friends and say, “Hey, have you heard of that Kelley O’Hara girl?”

 

And usually someone would nod their head and say yes. Because you were not unique. And there were so many girls out there just like you. Notches on Kelley O’Hara’s bedpost, feeling oddly okay with spending a night with such a big time person.

 

 

\--

 

“Just stop scoring!” Christen yelled and threw her hands in the air.

 

“What are we talking about though...” Kelley said with a smirk. She wound up to shoot her fifth ball, it went into the net.

 

“You’re too much, O’Hara.” Christen shook her head and turned around to pick up her bag.

 

“C’mon CP. I’m listening!” Kelley yelled across at the sideline to her best friend, who looked like she was getting ready to leave.

 

“Stop.” Kelley ordered. Christen wasn’t listening, and the forward could only think of one way to get her to turn. She took three steps back and one to the left of the ball. She let it rip, and watched it sail in the air and then whack Christen in the back.

 

The girl’s murderous glare widened Kelley’s eyes, and she sprinted over to stop her best friend from exiting the field.

 

“Okay, okay. I’m listening. Stop. Chris. Seriously. Talk to me.” Kelley pleaded and tugged Christen back.

 

“You’re fucking too extra, Kelley.” Christen said with an eye roll.

 

“If you’re trying to pretend to be mad at me, it’s not working because that’s a compliment.” The smile from Kelley’s face fell when Christen turned to leave again. “Okay! You were talking and I’m shutting up.”

 

“I’m fucking failing, Kell.” Christen said quietly. She looked down at her hands and started picking at her nails. 

 

“What...” Kelley couldn't believe it. 

 

“Yeah.. I'm fucking failing. Two introductory classes. Can you believe it. And I'm changing my major..”

 

“Wait, CP, to what??” Kelley asked a little confused because they were in the middle of their second semester. 

 

“......communications.”

 

Kelley busted out laughing. 

 

“Screw you.” Christen spat. She turned on her heel and sprinted off the practice field and away from her supposed best friend.

 

\--

 

Christen rubbed her eyes and took a moment before she refocused her attention on the ebook that was straining her eyes. 

 

She laid in her usual cozy spot in a little nook in the library with her iPad and notebook close to her as she took notes. _Just get this done tonight. The other chapters you can do tomorrow. But just this one._

 

The girl looked up when she saw a bright yellow shoe nudge her notebook away. She rolled her eyes. She didn't need to look up to know who it was. 

 

“Go away. I'm studying.” Christen said quietly. She looked around to make sure there weren't any other students in the vicinity. She was safe. 

 

“Then study in my bed. Like you used to.” Kelley said. 

 

“No it's fucking loud over there.” Christen said quickly and grabbed her notebook so that she could resume her notes. 

 

“Well then I have a pair of headphones.” Kelley just had an answer for everything. 

 

“Stop bothering me. There's a reason I'm not answering your calls and texts.” Christen hushed. 

 

“It's been a week, CP. I'm sorry.” Kelley pouted. “I miss you.” She said quietly. 

 

“Oh shut up. I'm sure you have a new girl in your bed every night. I doubt your time isn't used up by missing your friend.” 

 

Kelley snatched up Christen’s iPad. Christen quickly got up to retrieve it. 

 

“BEST friend.” Kelley corrected her and kept the device away. 

 

“Give it back O’Hara.”

 

“I will when you stop being so hurtful.” Kelley said with an upturned chin. 

 

“Oh if I wanted to be hurtful, I would point out how annoying and cocky and reckless you're getting again. But I'm choosing not to.” Christen said with a fake, wide smile. 

 

The iPad was forgotten as Kelley looked at Christen with a defiant scrunched up face. The girls looked around to see if they could be heard and Kelley replied with a low growl. 

 

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

 

“You know exactly what I mean, Kell. You're sleeping with all of these girls and you're getting so full of yourself. Going to parties when you know we have training the next day. Risking your health when you've probably contracted an STI by now!” Christen stained her voice to whisper/yell out her frustrations. 

 

“Chris! These girls know that I'm not looking for a relationship! Okay! That's how college works. It's just a hookup. Plus I'm one of the fittest one the team, I can have fun.”

 

“You're being unsafe. And you know it.”

 

“You're not my mother!” Kelley said in disbelief. “Okay I'm a grown up, I can take care of myself. I don't need you hounding my ass on the ways that I want to have fun. Especially since I'm leading none of them on!”

 

“Oh who are you kidding O’Hara? You seriously think that you've grown up? You think that just because I don't have to hold your hair back anymore when you puke that you're grown up?? You think that just because mommy doesn't have to know who you're sleeping with now because you have you’re own room in a sorority house, that you're grown up??” Christen was on the attack now. 

 

“Stop kidding yourself. Because yeah, you may have replaced your juvenile habits with fucking every girl you see, but you just found an ‘adult’ way to cope. You haven't actually grown up. You haven't actually matured since she left.” Christen spat. 

 

Kelley was furious. 

 

“You know what? Don't get mad at me just because pathetic Pressy can't handle Stanford school. Don't be so fucking jealous because I can handle it better than you can!”

 

“God, Kell! I'm hurting! I'm struggling. I fucking need you to help me. I need someone to talk to! Tobin has no time for me, and I have no time for her because I'm studying all of the time. I never had to study in high school and I'm FALLING! I can't get back up and I'm asking you be there for me! To just fucking listen to me! And let me bitch, without you turning the conversation about you or leaving to go ask for some girls number!” Christen was out of breath and at this point, they had no regard for anyone else on this library floor. 

 

“Why can't you help me like I helped you back in the day?!?” 

 

“I am thankful for you helping me back in the day! But I don't understand how this is the same! I am here, begging you to come out and hang out with me! I came to you! I'm making the effort Chris. How is this situation the same as back in high school? Please tell me, because I just don't fucking understand.” 

 

“Yeah because back in the day you were too drunk to understand.” Christen growled. She picked up her stuff, snatched her iPad from Kelley's grasp, and then left a open mouth Kelley O’Hara. 

 

\--

 

“Holy shit O’Hara!” Ali Riley yelled. Kelley looked around and celebrated hitting the crossbar from the halfway line. She danced and high fived the rest of the team. Even her coach had to give her an acknowledgement of her brilliance. 

 

“Did you see that Chris?” Kelley yelled excitedly. 

 

Christine avoided Kelley's gaze, gave a curt nod and then went back to her conversation with their other teammate. 

 

Kelley felt deflated for the next hour. 

 

\--

 

 

“Hey, where's that Christen girl that always use to hang around here?” A girl whose name Kelley had forgotten asked. 

 

“She's being a bitch.” Kelley said simply. She looked up from her textbook and for a second to entertain the girl, but then went back to studying. 

 

\--

 

 

“Oh hi there KO.” Maggie the cute barista who always worked the morning shift that Kelley always showed up to.

 

“The usual?” 

 

“Yeah.” Kelley said with a wink. 

 

“But uh... make it two orders of my usual.” 

 

“Oh. Is this for a special someone?” Maggie's wiggled her eyebrows. 

 

Kelley chuckled. 

 

“A very special someone.”

 

\--

 

 

“What do you want?” Christen growled. She eyed the second cup of Starbucks that Kelley set down on top of her notebook. 

 

“I. Miss. You.” Kelley said strongly. She sat down next to her friend when she spotted the individual study room that Christen had reserved in the library. Kelley pulled Christen’s chair(it had wheels) closer to her. 

 

“I'm an asshole. And I'm sorry. I've just been very selfish and inconsiderate of your struggles.” Kelley begged Christen to look at her. She had to restrain her from leaving the study room. 

 

“Stop ignoring me!” Kelley shouted. 

 

“Why?? Kelley I'm not one of your booty calls that comes at the snap of your fingers!”

 

“I know you're not Chris!”

 

“Then leave me alone! Okay, I told you to give me space last practice. I have two tests to study for this Friday.”

 

“Fine! But don't ignore me!”

 

“Why??” Christen shouted. 

 

“Because that's what Hope used to do to me!!” Kelley yelled back. 

 

_Fuck. I haven't said her name out loud in a long time._

 

Christen looked surprised and sad. 

 

“I can't have you ignoring me like that.” Kelley said quietly. “You and her are...were.. the most important people in my life. I fucked up, CP. I'm doing everything in my power to fix it right away. Let me show you I can be a better best friend. Just please don't ignore me like that. Don't leave me too. I can't be that easy to leave.”

 

“Am I?” Kelley was already crying. 

 

Christen brought her into a hug. A bone crushing one that could mend war torn countries and bring on world peace. 

 

“You're not.” Christen offered sweetly. “I would never leave you.”

 

“Good.” Kelley wiped her tears and snot on Christen’s t-shirt, to which Christen just rolled her eyes at. “Now let me help you study.” 

 

Kelley picked up the flash cards that were laying around and looked up with innocent eyes at her best friend, expecting her to sit down. But Christen just stood there. 

 

“You've changed.” It was almost a whisper. But it was said with a smile. 

 

Kelley smiled back. “How?”

 

_You're growing up._

 

Christen didn't know how to quite say it but she just shook her head and sat down while Kelley read the front part of her notecard. 

 

 

 

\--

 

“Sweet! Finally something i’m better at than KO!” Ashlyn fist pumped and Tobin gave her a pat on the back.

 

“Shut the fuck up.” Kelley sulked into her soda. “She’s not even my type.”

 

“Oh please, O’Hara. At this point, girl is your type.” Ashlyn said with a smirk.

 

“Hey.” Kelley said a serious face. “I can afford to have that type because I’m the only single one here at this table.” she took another sip of her drink.

 

“So am I!” Ashlyn yelled in defense.

 

“Right. So you’re going to actually call that girl that you just got the number from?” Kelley asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

The tall keeper looked down at the phone number just entered into her phone.

 

“Maybe.” She said quietly.

 

“Yeah, and you’re going to tell Al, your ‘not girlfriend’ that you’ll be calling this nice lady?” Tobin asked with a wide smile. Kelley and Tobs cracked up while Ashlyn failed to come up with a response.

 

“You guys suck.” She said as she took a big bite of her burger.

 

“Fuuuuck. This shit so good. I’m so sad that we don’t have In-N-Out back at UNC.” Ashlyn said as she pretended to cry into her food.

 

“Or the waves.” Tobin added.

 

“Or your girlfriend!” Kelley said excitedly.

 

“K, Tell her to stop taking hours during the summer break-”

 

“They’re actually called units here, Tobs-”

 

“Fucking units, whatever. Tell her that she should be spending time with me!” Tobin pouted. “I miss my boo thang.”

 

“Oh tobs, suck it up. She wouldn’t have been out with us surfing anyways. She’ll be back at the house in an hour. Calm your tits.” Kelley rolled her eyes.

 

“Whatever, you don’t know what it’s like to have to do long distance. You’re lucky enough to see my hot girlfriend everyday.” Tobin stuck out her tongue.

 

That hurt a little. With no intention at all, but it still hit her right where it hurt.

 

_I wish I knew what it was like to do long distance. I fucking wish._

 

But she didn’t say any of that. Because she only spoke of _her_ to Christen when those random breakdowns would happen. All she said was:

 

“Yeah I do.” With a wiggle of her eyebrows.

 

“Fucking KO.” Tobin shook her head as she bit down on her fries. 

 

“You guys should transfer, not just visit. Just saying.You can keep an eye on your girl, Tobs” She said in a sing song voice.

 

Kelley and Tobin erupted in a play food fight. Amidst all of the discarded crappy fries, Ashlyn had to intervene before her fries were touched.

 

“Let’s do it Tobs. California has everything.”

 

Kelley’s smile faded slowly as she thought about a small town far away in Sweden.

 

_Well, not everything._

 

\--

 

 

“You know, you're pronouncing it wrong.” Hope said. 

 

“Well of course I'm saying it wrong.” Dani said impatiently. 

 

“It's LAW-tah.” Hope said. 

 

“No no. She said that it's LOW-teh.” Dani said. 

 

“Yeah but-”

 

“Okay you're both saying it wrong.” Lotta said with an eye roll. 

 

“Dude can I just call you L or ‘elle’? Because I'm American and I'm never going to get it.” Dani said with resignation. 

 

Lotta laughed and nodded her head. 

 

“This is a cool place you two have here.” Dani said, clearly impressed by the nice looking digs that a nineteen year old Hope Solo could afford. 

 

“Hey yeah, let me give you the tour.” Hope jumped excitedly. 

 

They went from room to room, Dani taking in the sights of all of the furniture she probably couldn't afford herself. 

 

“Damn solo.” Dani touched the rails on the balcony in Hope’s bedroom and took in the beautiful view. “I should have done what you did.”

 

“What do you mean?” Hope chuckled. 

 

“I should have went overseas. How much do you make? No you know what, don't answer that. It'll just depress me.” Dani pouted. 

 

“Hey. Do you know how many girls in America would love to be you right now?” Hope asked with a big smile. 

 

Dani gave her a once over and then shook her head. She grinned before saying, “It doesn't count if your second choice, Solo.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know what I mean.” Dani gave her a knowing look before she looked out onto the city. “It doesn't count if they're picking you because their number one choice refuses to come back to train with them in america. Their REAL number one choice.”

 

“Hey I hadn't even been on the U20s yet.” 

 

“You know they were going to call you up at the full team after the 20s World Cup. Don't act dumb, because I told you that, and you know by now not to question my knowledge and power.” Dani said with a smirk. 

 

“I'm still only a 19 year old, Dani.” Hope said in a low tone. 

 

“Yeah, a teenager who has managed to become the starting keeper for a bomb ass club in Sweden. I can't even pronounce the name of the league so don't make me try...” Dani warned. 

 

“I've been illegally streaming your matches dude. You're fucking unbelievable.” 

 

Hope mumbled a thanks paired with a sheepish grin. 

 

“As happy as I am being number one on our fucking national team, I'm kind of bummed you're not at the camps, bugging me.” 

 

“It's not in my cards, dude.” 

 

“Maybe. One day.” Dani said hopefully. 

 

“I'm happy where I am right now.” Hope said with a bright smile. “There's no pressure. Well okay, that's a lie. There's more pressure I've ever experienced in my life, but....it's different. I don't know. It's freeing.”

 

“Yeah I can tell. It's on your face.” Dani grinned back. “Speaking of your face, you look SO different since I last visited!” 

 

Dani spinned the younger girl around and grabbed the muscles that had apparently grown three times their size on her arms in a three month span. 

 

“Dare I say it, but I think you're getting hotter, solo. And taller! I think you've grown at least three inches.” Dani said with a wiggle of her eyebrow. They both chuckled at that. 

 

“Hey.” Hope said quietly once the laughter died down. “Have I ever told you ‘thank you’?” 

 

“For what?” Dani asked softly. 

 

“For saving my life.” Hope said simply. She continued when Dani shot her a questioning look. “It was you that drove those long drives just to train me. You drove me home when I didn't have a car. You were the one that came to me with the information about the overseas interest in me, even though US soccer didn't want me knowing about it. Even though I thought you were crazy yet awesome for divulging that info to a seventeen year old, obviously you ended up saving me. I don't think I would be as good as I am right now if I played in college. And also, for convincing my mom at 2 in the morning to buy a plane ticket to Sweden so that I could just meet with the manager.

 

“I didn't realize all that you had done for me until I saw my name on the roster with the number one next to it. So, ya know, thanks.” 

 

Dani shot her a soft smile. “You know Solo, some would say that I did it on purpose just so that I could be the USWNT starting goalkeeper.” She said with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“Well you deserve to be.” Hope said. 

 

“Nah kid. But are you ever going to come back?”

 

Hope just shrugged her shoulders. 

 

“Okay okay. Change of subject. Have you talked to anyone back home?”

 

“Eh. I mean I talk to my mom almost every night. It's actually really strange that we got closer once I moved far away. But I finally talked to my brother for a bit. He’s doing alright.” Hope said with another shrug.

 

“Have you talked to O’ha-”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Are you ever-”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Ooookay. Well speaking of Stanford, I have some news to share with you about Christen Press.” Dani said grimly. 

 

For some reason, Hope felt her stomach churn. A sensation she had forgotten that she could feel. 

 

“What? Is she okay?”

 

“Eh not really.” Dani hesitated. 

 

They both turned their heads when Lotta came into the room. 

 

“Fika.”

 

“Uhh. What?” Dani asked. Confusion apparent all throughout her face. 

 

“Coffee.” Hope said quietly. 

 

“Oooo! Yes! Culture! Let's go!” Dani said excitedly. 

 

“Wait wait! Tell me about CP!” Hope said. 

 

“Oh yeah.” Dani chastised herself for her forgetful memory and Lotta walked out to do whatever. “She didn't get called up. For anything. No camps. No trainings. Word is, she's out.” 

 

“...are you serious?”

 

“Yeah. Press is out and Lloyd is in. A-rod says it's because their forward pool is stacked and they're only really going to look at Alex Morgan and...” she mumbled Kelley's name. 

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Yeah....”

 

“Bummer because she's fucking clutch. But ya know whatever. Let's do this Fika thang! Whatever it's called!”

 

\--

 

Hope couldn't sleep. And not just because Dani was by her side occupying space that was normally empty, but because the guilt had finally gotten to Hope Solo. 

 

Instead of consuming her whole and taking her at once, it had a been like a small mosquito bite that had transformed into something akin to leprosy. 

 

_I fucked up. I wonder how she's doing. She should be doing okay at Stanford. Her and Tobin are probably all good. But I don't know that! God I'm an idiot. She's going to kill me if I try to talk to her. I just can't. I can't. But... it doesn't matter if it reminds me of...I need to suck it up. It's been a year. A fucking year. I need to get over the fact that Christen reminds me of.. it's been a year. Fucking suck it up._

 

Hope gently got out of bed so that she wouldn’t disturb Dani when she grabbed her iPhone (an upgrade). She pressed on the facebook app and typed in ‘Christen Press.’

 

She started typing out a message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	20. Sophomore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because the girl with the red and white gloves was shacking up with a girl way prettier than Kelley could ever be (so she thought)."

\--

 

 

“Erin did you hear the news?!?” Kelley yelled excitedly.

 

“Yeah yeah you won some award for being the best college soccer player, blah blah blah.” Erin said from her spot on Kelley's bed.

 

“No no. I didn't win. I'm just on the watch list. I'm not going to win it since I'm just a sophomore, but I'm on the fucking watch list!!” Kelley yelled and jumped onto her big sister for a hug.

 

Erin initially resisted but then held her sister close.

 

“I didn't say this. But it might be possible that a sibling of yours is really proud of you. And they may or may not have driven all the way to Stanford just to celebrate the big news.” Erin said with a grin.

 

“I love you.” Kelley said.

 

“I'm not saying it back.” Erin said.

 

“That's fine. I know you do.” A big smirk on the younger girl's face.

 

The two caught up and the concept of time evaded them as Kelley filled her in between the inhales and exhales of her days of the past year in college. Erin didn’t dare bring up the subject that Kelley learned to avoid. She didn’t dare bring up the girl with the ocean blue eyes that was a continent away. Because for now, it seemed like Kelley’s days were filled with smiles, soccer, and smut. And not a certain american in Sweden. They laughed and they talked and were only pulled out of the comfort of Kelley’s bed when Christen came over.

 

“Princess Pressy. How are you?” Erin asked with a warm and gentle tone.

 

“I’m shitty, Erin. Let’s go out.” Christen said as she returned Erin’s invitation for a hug.

 

So they went out.

 

With Kelley and Christen agreeing to pay for Erin’s drinks if the older girl bought it for them at some dive bar that Kelley usually frequented with the older girls on the team. Three hours in, Christen was chugging her fifth fruity drink, Erin was sipping on her first beer, and Kelley was distractedly fidgeting with her third beer while her head kept swiveling right and left.

 

“Just go fucking talk to her!” Christen slurred after she slammed the glass on the table.

 

Kelley shot her a glare.

 

“Who??” Erin pounced.

 

“Some chick that totally shot down Kelley!” Christen said with a lazy smirk.

 

“Chris, she didn’t shut me down, she politely declined. And you know wh-fuck this. I’ll be back.” Kelley ventured off somewhere among the crowd.

 

“Someone actually turned down my baby sis??” Erin asked, scandalized.

 

Christen just laughed into her glass.

 

“So uh, how are you Pressy? Holding up alright?” Erin asked cautiously.

 

Instantly, Christen busted out laughing. Maniacally. And Erin knew enough to know that the girl was in fact, not alright.

 

“I’m a fucking mess, Erin.” She said with a smile.

 

“So I see. What’s going on?” Erin asked as she pulled away the next drink that was lined up for the younger girl to drink.

 

“Well you know about my break up.”

 

“Yes”

 

“You know about my defunct national career.”

 

“Well I wouldn’t say-”

 

“Of course you wouldn’t. You know about my grades.”

 

“Which are back to being A’s!!” Erin excitedly offered.

 

“Oh and you know about how your sister accidentally made out with me.”

 

“.......what.”

 

Christen cracked up. “Yeah, your sister is out of control. She came in stumbling one night at 3 am and I had passed out on her bed and she crawled in and started making out with me.” Christen said with a lazy grimace all over her face. “And then thirty seconds into realizing that I wasn’t the girl she thought I was, and I realized that it wasn’t Tobin out of my stupor, we both yelled and fell off the bed and couldn’t look at each other for a week.”

 

It was fifteen minutes of laughter before they could each get a word out.

 

“This was after Tobin broke up with me by the way, so I don’t feel that bad.” There was just the tiniest amount of bitterness in her statement, but it was laced with drunken giggles.

 

“Hey by the way, what...what happened with that?” Erin asked, a little hesitant because she didn’t know what kind of drunk Christen would become at the mention of an ex.

 

“She said that I didn’t have enough time for her and that I missed too many of her calls and skypes. Which I fuckin told her it was because I was studying or I was practicing. But I don’t know Erin, I was just too busy for her apparently. And I was fucking trying! It was just too much.” Christen said thoughtfully.

 

“And when we played UNC at a scrimmage at the beginning of the semester, she kept talking about me making the next camp and I don’t know dude. I just fucking lost it. I went after her. I was a bitch. And then she broke up with me. I deserve it.” Christen rolled her eyes. "And then she said she wanted to get back together but I just said no. So I guess I technically broke up with?"

 

“Have you talked to her since then?” Erin asked.

 

She hadn’t. Not because Tobin had stop reaching out to her, but because Christen got more in the habit of leaving her phone plugged in and resting underneath her pillow when she left to go to class/practice. She was sick and fucking tired of seeing texts from Tobin, begging to forgive her for breaking up with her and telling her she was the most beautiful girl in the world that could never be replaced _blah blah blah.._

 

Christen was just so fed up with everything and everyone.

 

_I’m not fucking beautiful. I’m not worth shit. USSF knows it, my professors know it, even fucking Kelley knows it, that's why she keeps assisting me instead of shooting, just so that I don’t have to compare myself to her, WHEN THERE IS NO FUCKING COMPARISON. Gulati basically told me that they’re not going to invest in me anymore. I get Kelley, but who even fucking knows who this Alex Morgan chick is. What the fuck._

 

_I don’t fucking need someone, fucking anyone, to keep feeding me lies and bullshit. ‘You’ll get there one day, Chris!’ or ‘You’re an amazing soccer player!’ That’s not shit I want to hear. I don’t need fucking pity. I need someone to call me out on all the shit I’m doing wrong. Because I’m flailing. I’m fucking flailing._

 

But she didn’t say any of the to Erin.

 

“Nope.” Was all she said. And the older girl knew that there was more underneath the surface, but that she was probably not the person who would be able to dig and break ground with Christen Press.

 

“So, my sister seems to be doing well.” Erin almost regretted making that statement, knowing that the girl in front of her may not want to talk about Kelley’s growth and flourishment at Stanford, but her fears were unnecessary. Christen shot a genuine, drunken smile.

 

“She is. Most of the time, she is smiling and pulling all of the usual shit. She’s been there for me.” Christen slurred.

 

“Most of the time..?” Erin asked.

 

“Yeah most of the time she’s...Kelley.” Christen beamed.

 

“And the other times?”

 

Christed ran her fingers all along the rim of the empty glass in her hand while she debated telling Erin the rest. _C’mon Chris, you said it for a reason._

 

“Well, on most thursdays and sundays at like fucking four in the morning, even after a night of drinking or a night spent in someone else’s bed Kelley will go down to Kappa’s basement and disappear for ninety minutes.” Christen said.

 

“Uh...okay...?” Erin was confused.

 

“Are you confused?” Christen asked.

 

Erin nodded.

 

“Well, I was too. At first. But after the fourth week that Kelley had disappeared, I did some research. Because I was like ‘what the fuck is in the basement?’ and then I realized that Kappa’s insane surround system and TV is down there, and Kelley always bring her laptop. So anywhoooo. That week I stayed up to study and then saw her going down there. And then I got a gut feeling. You know my gut feelings?” Christen seriously asked.

 

“Yeah, the strangely intuitive Christen tingles that usually predict something accurate?” Erin asked.

 

“Yeah, those. So when she went down there...I checked Gothenburg’s match schedule.”

 

Christen stared Erin right in the eye.

 

“Every time Kelley disappears, is when Gothenburg has a match.”

 

Silence found the two for a good moment.

 

Erin chugged the rest of her drink.

 

“Shit.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Fuck. Chris, she’s still so sprung. My baby sis.” Erin pouted.

 

“Look. I haven’t actually gone down there and caught her watching a game. I just want to give her privacy, but I mean, c’mon. Plus, Kelley does not get along with our goalie. I thought at first that it was because Kelley couldn’t really score on her, but i’m starting to think it’s something else.”

 

“Do you know if they have talked like AT ALL?” Erin asked. She waved at the waitress for three more beers.

 

“They haven’t.” Christen said with an eye roll.

 

“How do you know? I mean, Kell can be shady sometimes, you and I both know that.” Erin reasoned.

 

“I know, Erin.”

 

“But how?” The older girl pushed.

 

Christen sighed. The alcohol was starting to wear off. She needed those beers. Because dammit, she was about to regurgitate something that she had failed to tell her best friend for the past six months.

 

“I talk to Hope, sometimes.”

 

The beers were served, and Erin chugged the whole bottle of dos equis before she slammed it on the table.

 

“You WHAT?!?!?”

 

“Yeah.” Christen grimaced before she took a sip of her beer.

 

“Does brat know?”

 

“Do you think she does?” Christen sarcastically pushed. “I can’t do that to her. She’s starting to move on...kind of...she’s doing it in her own way. ”

 

“Apparently not if she’s still holing herself in the basement to watch her on the big screen!”

 

“So what do I do, Er?”

 

Erin chugged another beer.

 

“I have no fucking clue.” Erin said with a bewildered look. She let out a tiny burp. “So how is Hopester doing?” She asked when she spotted Kelley talking to some waitress, a good distance away.

 

\--

 

 

It was at a big party thrown by Nike to celebrate their biggest sponsorship deal for a female athlete ever, that it all started for Hope. The party was somewhere in the epicenter of Paris, France. After Dani had given her the solid advice to delay negotiations with Nike and just meet with Adidas and Puma, was Hope able to land the biggest endorsement deal, EVER.

 

She wasn’t exactly too sure how it happened, but she did know that a lot of it had to do with the expensive alcohol being served. The champagne was ACTUAL champagne since it was from Champagne, France so the keeper was pretty sure that since her body wasn’t used to this good quality, that it was the reason for her actions.

 

It all started with a woman named Philippa, a sales intern from Nike’s Amsterdam office that had won some work contest to have the opportunity to attend the event. After Hope’s fifth drink, this girl reminded her of Kelley’s freckles, and Hope instantly gravitated towards her. The woman was willing and interested and in no time, they were both taking each other’s clothes off in some dark lounge room in the corner of the whole venue.

 

Hope kissed her on the cheek, and then walked off to leave the girl alone, buttoning her shirt. After her quick little indulgence, Hope sobered up, realized that this girl was in fact, not Kelley, and then did what she was good at. Running away. Her teammates, drunk and laughing, did not even notice her absence.

 

The only one who noticed what she had just done was Dani, whose eyes were shooting daggers at her.

 

“People will talk.” Was all that Dani said before attempting to walk off.

 

“What if I don’t care?” Hope asked with strength.

 

“People talked about you and I, and do you remember how much that affected you?” Dani asked.

 

She was right. Hope had harassed Christen for weeks, making sure that the European woso media had not reached California.

 

“Why would they talk about me sleeping with a rando and not talk about how I just landed the biggest deal ever for Nike??”

 

“That has got to the stupidest question you’ve ever asked. I’m so glad that you didn’t go to college. You would have never survived. Good thing you’re pretty jock.” Dani joked.

 

_True._

 

That night, Dani let her off with a warning.

 

But that warning went unheeded.

 

After Philippa, it was a mysterious French girl that the paparrazi had spotted in Hope’s Audi multiple times. Then it was rumors of Hope cheating on the French girl with a teammate. Then another rumor about Hope cheating on her teammate with a few unknown Swedish girls. The list went on and on and on. Hope never commented. She knew that she had inherited a big spotlight when she left the US and then when she signed a huge nike deal, but she knew enough to keep her mouth shut.

 

Only the parties involved, Dani, and Christen Press knew that almost all of the rumors were in fact, not rumors, but truths. Except the part about cheating, because god forbid Hope Solo committed to anyone.

 

Christen knew that the initial reports of Hope dating one of her male trainers was absolutely laughable, but it did spark a huge interest and internet following of this mysterious and ridiculously talented woman athlete who passed on the most competitive and sought after position for the world’s powerhouse in women’s soccer.

 

One time, Hope decided to google herself and found herself chuckling at the shit the internet speculated on. Her sexuality was always the most talked about, but so was some illuminati conspiracies that erupted based on the triangle shaped crease in her nike sweatshirt. That was one of the funniest ones. She spent hours on end, looking at what the internet had to say, chuckling and wiping the tears from her eyes at some of the gifs and memes made from her on- the-field stares and movements.

 

And it wasn’t until she was in the depths of her tag that she found a picture taken of her as a young sixteen year old, hugging Kelley at their state match, that she closed her laptop and vowed to stay off the internet.

 

That night she successfully found a girl that looked like Kelley without all of the freckles and took her home during one of the team’s outings. She didn’t know that this girl was going to go to take selfies of them while Hope was passed out in her bed. She forgot that her iphone didn’t have a passcode (because she was single and you only need those when you’re in a relationship). And she didn’t know that this girl would post it to her instagram account, which had 850K followers, one of which was Kelley (Hope checked).

 

Three hours later, Hope woke up. She gained 3K more followers, but lost the most important one. Hope kicked the girl out of her house.

 

Then she vowed to not let the unfollowing get to her. And the only way she could do that, was get lost in some girls that probably didn’t even speak english. Because ‘Hope’ was easy to say and that was all they needed to know when the keeper was in between their legs.

 

 

\--

 

“Okay, but I don’t know how to play!” The girl said with hesitancy.

 

“Ann, it’s easy. If the ball comes near you, just whack it and send it to my direction.” Kelley said with a chuckle. She guided the blonde girl with her hand on the small of her back and walked her over to her position as right back.

 

“You’re just putting me back here so that I don’t screw things up. Good thinking.” Ann chuckled.

 

“Right back is a perfectly respectable position. I would suck at it, but it is respectable.” Kelley said with a grin.

 

“Stop the chitchat! Let’s play!” Christen yelled across the field. She sent playful daggers to Ann and a motion of knife to her throat before she kicked off.

 

It was an intense match. Too intense for a pickup game with Kelley’s old friends at their old field in her hometown. The blonde girl knew that they were good, but she was seriously scared that someone was going to get hurt in this 5v5 game. The only other person who hadn’t played soccer before was Kelley’s older sister, who was looking at her nails most of the time, while a girl named Ashlyn kept yelling at her to move.

“Yeah, they’re loco. Don’t worry about it.” A girl next to her named Shirley said to her. At least she was nice.

 

“Babe. You gotta get mad or something! You have to stop letting them get behind you!!” Kelley told her.

 

“Kell. I am mad! You’re pissing me off! Don’t yell at me that much!” Ann shouted.

 

“Alright, water break.” Tobin offered. She could tell that Kelley was getting in her super competitive mode and that Ann was about to strangle her.

 

“Yeah, my sister sucks, doesn’t she?” Erin said with a smirk.

 

“Oh my gosh. It’s a freaking pick up game. She knows that I suck at this!” Ann said. The both watched as Christen and Kelley were furiously chatting about something.

 

“Yeah, she’s just super competitive.” Erin said with a grimace. “But she’s harmless. I mean how adorable was it when she kept coming up to you after you rejected her for the fourth time??” They both shared a good laugh.

 

“Ann-Banan. What about you be goalie, and I’ll be a defender with Kling?” Shirley offered in that thick accent of hers.

 

“Why not? How hard can it be?” Ann asked.

 

\--

 

“Stop aiming for Shirley’s face!” Kelley furiously whispered.

 

“I’m not!” Christen protested.

 

“Uh, okay, 100 shots a day! I know you’re doing your ritual again. I know how good your accuracy is, CP.” Kelley warned.

 

“Okay fine, what the fuck whatever! You should be fucking happy O’Hara that I haven’t landed all of my shots, because then you would be down by 4.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Hey, now cool it with Ann.You just got a good one that is willing to put up with all of your shit, and you’re ruining it!” Christen pushed Kelley in the arm.

 

“I’m not doing anything!”

 

“Yes you are! You’re being a dick. All the rest of us know how you are on the field, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t play. Now you actually really like this one, so don’t screw it up!”

 

Kelley looked over at the blonde girl was was laughing with her sister. Her whole family liked her, Christen liked her, her sister liked her. She was beautiful and sweet and the only girl to really challenge Kelley. _Yeah, I really do like this one._

 

“Okay, water break over. Let’s go!” Ashlyn yelled.

 

Kelley lined up at the halfway line, scowling at Christen, gearing up to battle. Before Tobin could whistle off the start of another half, Kelley looked back at Ann.

 

The sight made her weak in the knees.

 

The blond was hurrying to put on some old Nike goalie gloves that Ashlyn probably let her borrow that seemed too big for her hands. From Kelley’s spot on the halfway line, 60 yards away, the sight struck the wrong chord with her. And when Tobin blew her whistle, Kelley stood there motionless as Christen dribbled the ball.

 

It was too fucking familiar. The field, the gloves, the fact that Kelley’s fingers had been inside the girl that stood there now and the girl that used to stand there. It was too painful. Too reminiscent of regretful memories and heartbreak unclosed. Just this motion, Kelley standing here and looking at the halfway point between the goal posts, was too heart-rending.

 

Because the girl with the red and white gloves was shacking up with a girl way prettier than Kelley could ever be (so she thought), in a foreign land, posting selfies on Instagram, leaving any traces of Kelley and this grass field she stood on, behind.

 

And Kelley, too stubborn to admit it to anyone, was devastated that Hope had still not come back to America. _You can’t even come to see your mom? To see Marcus? Hell, to even see Dani? You can’t just come back to your roots and your hometown? The pussy so good and exotic over there? You gave me shit for having a beamer, but you’re fucking driving around a different girl in the five different luxury cars you own now._

 

Well she was devastated, and at times, angry. She took some satisfaction that none of the cars posted on Hope’s instagram account (Hope’s ‘Verified’ account) were BMW. It was a sign that even though Hope may still hate her, she still thought of her on a subconscious level.

 

“Babe. Are you okay?” Ann asked.

 

Kelley didn’t realize that she had walked off the field.

 

“Yeah.” Kelley said slowly. She looked at Ann for a second. The whirlwind of sadness to anger that she had weathered in the five second walk she took to the sideline exhausted her. “Let’s go home baby. I’m tired.”

 

“Of course, babe.” Ann kissed her so sweetly that the pang in Kelley’s chest, and the flush of anger on Kelley’s face subsided.

 

“I really like you.” Kelley whispered. It was genuine and sincere, because no girl had ever subsided the now rare, debilitating ‘Hope’ attacks (named by Kelley).

 

“Of course you do.” Ann smirked.

 

“Ann. You’re something fucking special.”

 

Kelley said the words “I love you” three months later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	21. Junior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Old habits die hard. Especially ones developed out of love."

\--

 

100 shots a day were paying off on the field, but only on the collegiate level. Not on the national level. Christen was catching up with Kelley, but she was getting older, and the chances of being called up were fading. Every goal was bittersweet. Kelley’s arms embracing her brought on the warm feeling, but it was just another reminder that it didn’t matter how many balls she put in the back of the net. Because so was Alex Morgan out in Berkeley. So was the girl that embraced her every time she scored. _I’m never enough._

 

One time when they played UNC, Tobin gave her a shy ‘good game’ and Christen was so angry that she couldn't’ score that she flipped Tobin off and stormed off the field. It was the wrong move, and she thought about texting the girl afterwards, but then she thought about the downgraded replica of a girlfriend that Tobin had committed to almost a year ago, and opted to delete her phone number instead. 

 

And Christen’s loneliness definitely wasn’t because no one was interested. In fact, she had more of a cult following, and a few instagram accounts dedicated to posting her personal and game day photos, than Kelley had. Because everyone was in love with the SINGLE YET UNAVAILABLE, sexually mysterious, brooding-yet-somehow-still smiley, dark haired girl with the beach curls and ever-changing eye color.

 

But all of that went unnoticed by Christen. Even when Kelley pointed it out, she didn’t really absorb it. Because life sucked for Christen Press, and all she could think about was her failings and shortcomings. 

 

“Stop it. Seriously.” Kelley ordered when Christen brought it up one day that she might quit soccer.

 

“Kell, I’m just trying to talk to you.”

 

“I know you are. And I’m telling you to stop.” Kelley continued packing her bag. “Okay? You can still go pro, and that’s complete bullshit that you’re not going to get looked at. Listen I’ve gone to full team camps and I still have not made the roster.”

 

“Yeah that’s because they’re grooming you for it. And for you to get some training for the U20s. I just need a break from this sport. And myself.” Christen said quietly.

 

“Find another hobby! Or for fuck’s sake, sleep with someone!” Kelley yelled. “You’re like this because you’ve let that shit ferment for over a year!”

 

“Stop.” Christen laughed.

 

“I’m serious though! Tobin isn’t the only girl out there ya know.” Kelley said with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I know! I’m just not interested in doing what you or Hope did!” Christen instantly cringed at making a Hope reference. _Fuck._

 

But Kelley didn’t skip a beat.

 

“Listen, I’m not saying that you have to be a slut like Hope and I. I’m just saying that it wouldn’t kill you to get to know another person.” Kelley offered.

 

“I'm just not interested. Right now. Okay?” 

 

“Wait Chris.” Kelley paused and looked at her with wide eyes. “Was I the last girl you kissed?”

 

Christen racked her brain. 

 

“Uh...oh shit.” Christen said. 

 

“Was it something I did??” Kelley asked horrified. “Did I turn you off to girls and sex entirely??”

 

“No Kell.” Christen chuckled. 

 

“Are you sure?? Because I was really drunk and I had no idea what I was doing. And I'm usually on point, Chris! I'm telling you, on point! And I'm sorry if it was sloppy but that's neve-”

 

“Oh my god Kelley. Seriously? You're using this moment and this conversation to brag about your sexual prowess right now?” Christen said with a shit eating grin. 

 

“Listen, I’m not saying that I could have done better. But what I am saying, is that I KNOW I am better.” Kelley said with a wink.

 

“You’re too much.” Christen shook her head.

 

“Okay, but seriously. Stop with this quitting talk. I’m done with it, and I have packing to do for Brazil.” Kelley said with straight face.

 

\--

 

 

“Kelley, it’s okay!” Tobin shouted. But the girl was sprinting down some foreign street. From all of the premier training that Tobin had been getting, she was _almost_ as fast as Kelley. She was able to keep pace enough to see that Kelley had turned into a dark alley. 

 

_What the fu..the alley Kelley? Really?_

 

“Tobs! No! Please! I don’t want to talk about this!” Kelley pleaded when she saw Tobin round the corner. But her back found the face of some dirty black brick wall, and she slid down, her hands over her face, trying to cover the pure embarrassment and devastation.

“Kell, it was just the Pan American tourney. It’s oka-” 

“It’s not! That was Brazil’s full team! If we can’t even compete against them now! How am I supposed to hang on the national level! Ima fucking joke!

“Kell, stop it.”

“Please leave me alone. I can’t handle this shit!” Kelley pleaded in a small voice as she cried into her hands. Kelley was sobbing uncontrollably and her whole body was shaking. But Tobin knew her enough to not listen. The midfielder crouched down in front of the sobbing girl and let her sob for a few more minutes.

 

“Do you want to know a secret?” Tobin said quietly. She had the hugest grin on her face, and even though Kelley had tears and snot flowing everywhere, no one could resists ‘Hobin Teeth.’

 

“Sure Tobs,” Kelley chuckled and wiped the liquids from her face.

 

“Do you remember that night WAYY long ago. It was senior year and like right before you and Hope got together and all that. And you two had this conversation in the ditch by all of our houses. I don’t remember exactly what you guys talked about, but it was like sooo dramatic and you guys almost kissed.”

 

Kelley cocked her head to the side. Tobin had her full attention.

 

“Yeah...like way back when. How do y-”

 

“Yeah, well do you remember why you guys didn’t kiss?” Tobin had a raised eyebrow.

 

“Umm..” She wracked her brain. It was so long ago. “Yeah, it was because..oh yeah! It was because I think we got scared or something.”

 

“Yes! There was a rustling in the grass! Well...” Tobin’s smiled got bigger. “That was me and Christen in the grass...”

 

Kelley busted out laughing. 

 

“What?!?!? YOU are the reason why I didn’t get to first base with Hope Solo sooner?!?”

 

 

\--

 

Kelley found her childhood bedroom to be the loneliest place ever. She hadn’t been back since last summer, and for good reason. Erin had moved to Los Angeles for some job, and Jerry was starting to become a little shit. That left her parents to be the only reason for her to come back. But her dad had fallen in love with Palo Alto and the whole NorCal area so there was really no reason for Kelley to come back home.

 

Last time she had brought Ann, just so that she could prove to her that she was serious about their relationship, but nowadays Ann didn’t even push that hard to come back home with her. Her mom wasn’t that friendly to her girlfriend, and Ann could pick up on it. The upturned nose, the constant reference as Kelley’s ‘friend’, and the general bitchiness was getting way too much bullshit for Ann too handle.

 

“Fuck that. Have fun.” The girl said with a cheery smile.

 

“But you love me. And I love you. And you said that you will be there for me no matter what.” Kelley pouted.

 

“Ohh fuck no, O’Hara. I love you. With all of my heart babe. But no. Mother in laws are fucking optional.” Ann smirked.

 

And Kelley couldn’t argue more to that.

 

But being back home did one good thing for her. It was an empty house during the days and Kelley could actually unwind in silence, something not found in a sorority house. _Chris was right. I need a fucking break._ She would nap during the day, text Ann when she was out of her winter classes, and then veg out on the couch.

 

“Go run. Make yourself do something fatty.” Her dad called out when he caught her eating a bag of chips from her spot on the couch that he saw her when he left for work in the morning.

 

Dan was right, she did need to get out of the house. But at the same time, there was a reason why she never left it in the first place. But her muscles had lost so much mass that she believed that there was a legitimate fear that they would atrophy, so she laced up her shoes and went for a run.

 

Old habits die hard. Especially ones developed out of love.

 

The route she took was painfully familiar and the street signs and manicured lawns seemed to not have change since the day she left for California. The only difference from this run to the runs she would do in high school was that now she was faster and older. But the route, the pace of breathing, and the girl that consumed her mind, were the same.

 

She ran her fingers along the walls of the ditch. _I can’t believe it was fucking Tobs and little shit CP. They were there the whole time!_ She stood there and soaked in the smallness of life and the cycle of it all. Three years later, she was back in the same spot. She was experiencing an enouement. The beginning and (the beginning of)the end with Hope. And it hit her. She had survived.

 

The pain of the first love had been weathered. Something she didn’t think was possible those three years ago. When Hope had spat those last words at her to ‘grow up’ Kelley was sure that she had died and that she was an actual ghost. Then again, the fact that she was basically the walking dead and immune to feelings and sensation was probably due to the drugs and alcohol she consumed back in the day.

 

_But I’m here. I made it. I’m alive._

 

The overwhelming sensation, the ambedo she was experiencing was enthralling. It was an epiphany that she was resilient, she could conquer it all, and that all of the sobs and sore throats from crying from the heartbreak of fucking up, had loaded into her brain and made her a better girlfriend. 

 

She didn’t keep secrets from Ann, and she always got the girl’s permission whenever she wanted to do something.

 

Kelley O’Hara had learned her lesson. Kelley O’Hara had grown up.

 

She climbed her way out of the ditch and then down the street to her destination.  
She caught her breath in her throat at the sight of a familiar truck.

 

_I did what you said. I grew up._

 

 

\--

 

 

“It’s a good move. More money and a different challenge and environment. That league has grown to be bigger that the Swedes. And you need to be challenged.” Dani said fiercely through the phone.

 

“I know, I’m just going to be sad. I just fucking got a handle on the language, and now I have to learn French?!?” Hope sighed.

 

“Are you seriously complaining about a multimillion dollar contract with Lyon? Like are you fucking for real? Seriously Solo?” Dani chuckled.

 

“I know, I know.”

 

“Even Marta doesn’t have that big money deal. Shut the fuck up, and remember that some of us are still playing in the WPS for 15k a season, okay bitch?”

 

“Hey, I told you that Tyreso wanted you. I told you that a lot of the Sweden clubs wanted you.” Hope warned.

 

“Ugh, I know.” Dani groaned.

 

“Fuck, we could have partied together for the past year if you had taken my word for it.”

 

“Oh fuck no, Solo. You think I want to go to your house to find seven different skanks who can’t speak a word of English stumbling out of your bedroom? No.”

 

“Oh c’mon that was never true. And I’m better now! And I’m actually taking your advice and investing my money now that i’m not partying as much...”

 

“I love how you are investing now that you have a shit ton of money. You’re ridiculous and are paying for my first class tickets when I go to France. End of story.”

 

“Deal.”

 

\--

 

 

“So...she’s bisexual?” Kelley asked.

 

“I don’t fucking know!” Ashlyn said, the irritation apparent.

 

“Well shit dude, it was just a question.” Kelley raised her hands up in the air as they both sat in the water, their boards beneath them.

 

“Sorry, I’m just fucking confused.” Ashlyn growled.

 

“Or is Ali the one confused?” Kelley said with a smirk. Her joke was not appreciated.

 

She could see how devastated Ashlyn was. The girl had changed. She was withdrawn and quiet, sad and lonely. 

 

“I mean, technically she didn't leave me for him because we haven't been official since high school, but what the fuck?? A dude? Now I know how HS felt...” Ashlyn widened her eyes when she realized who she was talking to. 

 

“It's okay, Ash I get it. Totally.” Kelley soothed. 

 

“Shit, Kell. I'm-I’m rea-”

 

“Ash. I'm serious. I get it. Hope was _heartbroken_ when she found out I cheated on her with Adam. I saw firsthand what it did to her, so I can imagine how you feel.” Kelley said quietly. 

 

“It's just. It's just...”

 

“Crippling?”

 

“Yeah! Like what the fuck did I do wrong??” 

 

“Nothing Ash. She just likes boys too.” Kelley said simply. 

 

The two sat in the flat water for a good time before anyone spoke. 

 

“Hey so, can I ask you a question?” Ash asked quietly.

 

Kelley nodded  
.  
“Did you actually have feelings for Adam? I know it was a long time ago, but even after Hope left, you still went back to him for a time...”

 

Kelley sighed.

 

“I didn’t Ash. I just wanted...I just wanted someone to fill in the void that was fucking unfillable.” Kelley thought hard. “And I knew that he would do whatever it took to get me to like him. The opposite of what Hope was doing. So...no. But back then, I wished that I did. Because shit would have been so much easier if I did.”

 

 

\--

 

 

 

“Say ‘friend’ one more time and I’m going to fucking rip your throat out!” Kelley yelled.

 

“Kelley!” Dan yelled.

 

“Fucking go away! This is between Mom and I!”

 

“You do not talk to your mother like that!” Dan shouted.

 

“I have a fucking girlfriend mom! A GIRLFRIEND! G-I-R-L-F-R-I-E-N-D. Someone who I kiss and have sex with, just like Erin and Cole. Okay?! If you can’t wrap your head around this shit that has been going on my whole life, then I don’t want you to call me a daughter! Because I can’t handle being your daughter. I can’t handle having you as a mom! I’m done! I’m sick and tired of not feeling good enough for the mediocre life that you have created for yourself!”

 

“Kell-” Dan growled.

 

“No fuck this! I’m happy! I have this amazing girl who is in love with me and I’m happy! I’m being called up to the national team! I’m serving this country just like dad did! I’m going to one of the top schools in the nation! I’m on the watchlist for the best college player in the US! And you have the FUCKING AUDACITY to negatively compare me to Gladys’ basic ass daughter Shelby just because she managed to marry a guy when she’s reached the drinking age?! Are you SERIOUS?!?” Kelley threw her hands up in the air.

 

“I’m not waiting for you to open your fucking eyes and for you to figure out how to love me.”

 

“I do love you. But I just-”

 

“No! You’re supposed to be my mom.” Kelley was crying now. “You’re supposed to love me unconditionally! There are no ‘buts’. I can’t fucking wait for you to get into the twenty first century. I can’t wait for you to see me as a regular human being. Because it’s never going to happen! And you’re going to throw around these biblical reference like they’re fucking applicable to me or my life, and you’re going to hug this bible close to your heart, and I’m just going to let you go.” Kelley’s yelled.

 

“Because I’m NOT what you wanted, and you’re NOT what I expected.” Kelley walked out of the door, leaving both of her parents to stand their still.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Why are you barefoot?” Marcus called out. The chuckle was bubbling in his throat.

 

“I don’t know, I kind of just walked out of my house. Didn’t even get my phone.” Kelley said in a stupor.

 

The man got up from the tailgate of his old beat up truck with a little baby cradled in his arms.

 

“She’s fucking beautiful.” Kelley breathed out.

 

“Hey. No cussing around the baby.” He chided.

 

She apologized but then quickly took the baby in her arms when he offered. She took to the girl instantly. Her eyes so bright with hope and innocence.

 

“Why’d you walk out of your house?” Marcus asked.

 

“Because my parents suck.” Kelley said it in a baby voice, the sound of excited squeals that mother’s usually used.

 

“What did mama O’Hara do now?”

 

“Same bullcrap she always pulls.” It was a sing-song voice.

 

“Oh. The heathen talk?”

 

“What else?” Kelley smirked. She wasn’t much interested in reliving the keyframe conversation with her parents. Instead, she gazed at the little baby in her arms and the wonder that new life brought. She cooed at it’s small yawns and squeaks. She squealed with delight when the little girl laughed.

 

“I’m in love, Marc. What’s her name??”

 

“Amelia.” He said with a warm smile.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

Hope looked at the Viber contact photo that popped up on her screen.

 

“I’m not going to ask if you’re okay, because you’re obviously not. But I honestly don’t know what to say. So is it okay if I ask if you’re okay?” Christen hushed.

 

“I’m...okay.” Hope said quietly. “I miss you. And your panicked voice.” Hope chuckled.

 

“Solo...you scared me.” Christen whispered. The languish in her voice was apparent.

 

“CP, I didn’t meant to. It’s just that it’s something that I’ve been dealing with for awhile.” Hope said sadly.

 

“So then why are you just getting shoulder surgery now? How long has it been an issue??” 

 

Silence.

 

“I fucking told you then, and I’m telling you now. You can’t risk yourself like that! Your career is at stake! You could have-”

 

“CP. I know. And I’m going to get surgery in two months, not right now.” It was a gentle tone. One that instantly soothed the girl.

 

Christen sighed.

 

“You scare me sometimes. I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

 

“I’m comfortable in my bed and will be taken care of good doctors. I should be worried about you! Staying in a stranger family’s house in Madrid? You’re the crazy one, Pressy.”

 

“Yeah well, I’m fucking...God, Hope. I love it here. I’m...happy.” Hope could detect the smile on the girl’s face.

 

“Good. Because I’m coming to Madrid. I’m coming to visit.”

 

“Shutup.”

 

“Okay, I won’t. Sorry.”

 

“Wait...are you serious Solo???” Christen yelled.

 

“Yes kid.” Hope chuckled.

 

“But I-” Christen broke down in tears. “I haven’t seen you since that one night you left.”

 

“I know.” A tear had fallen down Hope’s face.

 

 

\--

 

 

“You’re so....beautiful.” Christen breathed out. Hope’s face was cupped in her hands.

 

“So are you, CP.”

 

It was the most beautiful crashing of souls in the platonic realm of love. So pure and so full. It brought tears to the both of their eyes to see each other for the first time in years. When the tears subsided and it was replaced by wide grins, the laughter and catching up ensued. 

 

“I've seen you through the TV and computer screen, but damn Solo. You're hot now!!” Christen turned her around and checked out the seriously simple yet fucking expensive wardrobe Hope was rocking. 

 

“Oh shut it. I see those fan accounts of Christen Press on instagram. I know exactly what Stanford thinks about you.” Hope said as she walked along the road with her arm around Christen’s shoulder. “I even saw a facebook fan page for you!”

 

“Oh I don't pay attention to that. Why do you...?” Christen smirked. 

 

“Because I don't have school. Just a bunch of free time.” Hope smirked back. 

 

They walked around the small area where Christen was staying with her host family and the forward starting teaching her words in Spanish, in which Hope had surprisingly taken a quick knowledge to. 

 

“Yeah, I think since I've been away from America, my language skills are getting so much better.” Hope said with awe. 

 

And they didn't do much. They just walked around and talked. And talked. Oh and talked. 

 

There was so much to tell each other. Sure they had talked every month, but this time Christen could grab Hope’s arm out of excitement when they got to a suspenseful part in the story. Now, Hope could actually hear Christen laugh at the parts she knew she would. 

 

They were truly best friends. So they both knew that at the base of it all, they would talk about the things that were to be unspoken in their usual days. 

 

“So have you talked to Tobin?” Hope asked. 

 

“Nope.”

 

“Why not?”

 

A momentary pause. 

 

“Because I have a girlfriend.” Christen said a giggle. 

 

“What the fuck, who?!” Hope asked excitedly. 

 

“I just met her. No one knows Solo. So low-low. You feel me?” Hope nodded. 

 

“What's her name?”

 

“Vero.”

 

“Tell me about this mysterious girl whose name sounds really familiar.” Hope said with a big smile. 

 

 

 

\--

 

 

“You know, she watches your games right?” Christen said quietly. 

 

“Who?” Hope asked. 

 

Christen just tilted her head to the side with a sad smile. 

 

“I haven't said her name out loud in a long time.” Hope admitted. 

 

“Well, she watches them with her girlfriend.” Christen added. “But she never misses a match.”

 

Hope absorbed the information. 

 

“Is it that Ann girl?” Hope asked quietly. There was no point in hiding the fact that even though Kelley wasn't following her on social media, that didn't mean that Hope had stopped checking in on her. 

 

“Yeah. She's actually a really awesome person.” Christen said gently. 

 

“That's good.” Hope said quietly. “Well she deserves to be happy.”

 

“She does.” Christen said. 

 

The moment was heavy. 

 

“Are you dating anyone?” Christen asked. 

 

Hope laughed. 

 

“Nope. I spent all my time training and then playing. Even when the media comes out with shit that I'm partying, I don't fucking get it because I'm literally at my house all day.” Hope chuckled.

 

“Yeah the media writes some crazy shit. I'm actually kind of honored that I know everything. Who knows maybe I can be an insider source who leaks info on the infamous Hope Solo.” Christen wriggled her eyebrows. 

 

“Well if they write about my boring life at my house, I'll know it was you.”

 

“Deal. So... when are you coming back to the states??” Christen asked with excitement. 

 

“In a month. I mean Marcus just had a baby and I should really be a fucking good sister and meet the little one. He wouldn't tell me what her fucking name is because I haven't come and visited! Prick... I mean I told him I would fly him and Cindy out here! Mom comes like every six months and I mean there is more for them to do here then back at home!” 

 

“So you're going for sure??” Christen pushed. 

 

“Yes. The best doctors are there and I want this to be one and done.” 

 

“So when is the date? And where?”

 

“Exactly 29 days from now. And in LA.”

 

“That's so far from where I'll be.” Christen grimaced. 

 

“I finally come back and you're the one in a foreign country.” Hope joked. “But I'll be killing two birds with one stone. I'm supposed to meet Ali Riley actually...”

 

“Wait, what are you doing meeting Ali in LA?” Christen asked, really confused. 

 

“Well I think some club is trying to recruit her in Sweden. And Lyon really wants to ‘poach’ her first. So they know her hometown is in LA and they wanted me just to meet her.” Hope said with a shrug. 

 

“Hope... you know that Ali is like one of Kelley's best friends right..?”

 

Hope chuckled. “I thought you were.”

 

“I am! But that's already known. That's already old and established. But I don't know if you knew that about Ali and Kelley...”

 

“I know.” Hope said simply. 

 

“How....?”

 

“Because it's obvious. Since you're not there for her to run into for a hug, she runs straight to Ali for a goal celebration.” Hope said matter of factly.

 

“Yeah but how do you know that..?”

 

“Because I never miss a Stanford match on ESPN.”

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gladys’ basic ass daughter Shelby just got called out
> 
>  
> 
> \- Wretched


	22. Senior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Plane tickets are like pennies to you! I’ll buy you chipotle. That is more than equal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STOP. STOP. STOP.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOO MAKE SURE YOU GO BACK TO CH 18 IF THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER YOU OPEN!!!! THIS WAS A MULTICHAPTER UPDATE

\--

 

“No I haven't won it yet, but I mean it's basically in the bag! Erin!” Kelley's voice was trembling. “I could possibly be the best college player in the fucking nation!” 

 

She pulled her phone far from her ear when Erin screamed. 

 

“Okay. I think I just got fired for doing that. My boss is motioning to me to come to her office. I'll call you back.” Erin hushed in the phone. 

 

“Okay bye loser.” Kelley hushed back. 

 

The excitement and the giddiness was bubbling all throughout her system. 

 

_Now I have good fucking news to tell Christen when I pick her up!_

 

She called Ann so that they could celebrate in the most appropriate way. With their clothes on the ground and their heads in between the other’s legs. 

 

“I'm so fucking proud of you.” Ann said as she ran her fingers through Kelley's hair. The girl felt like gold. 

 

\--

 

They hugged for a good minute. The embrace was familiar and soothing. It felt a lot like home. 

 

“I haven't been able to do this in forever.” Kelley squeezed Christen harder. 

 

“It's been six months.” Christen nuzzled into Kelley's chest. 

 

“Three fucking long months that turned into your whole last semester as a junior!” Kelley indignantly yelled. 

 

The constable had to break apart their reunion because apparently it was too long for his liking and Kelley was parked in the white zone. 

 

“So... how was Spain?”

 

“Good! I have a girlfriend.” Christen beamed. 

 

Kelley had widened eyes and an even wider smile. 

 

“You got laid?!?”

 

Christen giggled. “Yes.”

 

 

\--

 

“So you're coming back for good? None of this quitting nonsense?”

 

“I am. But I'm probably going to play overseas.” Christen said slowly. 

 

Kelley's knuckles were white on her steering wheel. Her gaze was sharp on the road. Her jaw clenched fiercely. 

 

“Why?” She asked quietly. 

 

“Because I loved it so much over there! And I played with Vero and she plays professionally and she got me exposed over there! And I don't know! I just think that I might find my game back over there. Ya know?”

 

“You haven't lost your game, Chris.” Kelley pushed. Christen could tell that it had a bite to it. 

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

Pause. 

 

“Kell..”

 

“You said you wouldn't leave.” Kelley said quietly. 

 

Another pause. 

 

“Kelley. You're okay and whole again. I'm not. I need to do this for me. If I'm ever going to find happiness in my relationship with soccer, I need to do things for me.” Christen said softly. 

 

\--

 

_You're my best friend. I want you to be happy. -K_

 

That was the sentence written on a Starbucks cup left on Christen’s kitchen table a week after she had arrived in the states (Kelley had the spare key to watch over her apartment while she was out of the country).

 

Christen took a picture of the cup and posted it on Instagram with the caption: My one and only #friendshipgoals. 

 

She even giggled when random people started asking if her and Kelley were together in the comments. 

 

K: okay, o’press is a fucking adorable ship name. Nerd nation is really pulling through. [8:26am]

 

C: Too bad you never had a chance with princess pressy [8:28am]

 

\--

 

“So where do you think you'll play?” Ann asked while Christen and Kelley packed their stuff up on the sidelines. 

 

“I don't know yet. But I've had a few club managers email me when Vero expressed my interest. She's literally played everywhere so she's been helping me out.” Christen smiled. 

 

“Yeah, CP but I know you. You researched the shit out every club. There's a club you're interested in.” Kelley said with her eyebrows raised. 

 

“Yeah...” Christen mumbled and kept walking in the direction of the lockers. Ann followed and Kelley joined soon after. 

 

“So...? I'm waiting. Which club?” Kelley pushed. 

 

“Um. I don't know.” Christen mumbled. But she didn't look at the two. 

 

“I mean I can't even pronounce some of those clubs.” Ann chuckled. “Is there a club that has seriously expressed interest? One that is aggressive in recruiting you?”

 

“Yeah, actually..”

 

“So????” Kelley yelled after twenty seconds of silence.

 

“Umm.” Christen hesitated. “So..like.. Gothenburg has even offered me a contract. Said that they heard some really good stuff about me from a former player of theirs. Said that they're in need of a number nine.” Christen said quickly. She looked down at the floor, but she noticed the stutter in Kelley's step. 

 

“Cool!” Ann said. “Are they a really good club?”

 

“Yeah..really good.” Christen could feel Kelley's presence. She was becoming hypersensitive to Kelley's tense movements. Christen’s eyes narrowed at how slowly Kelley had let go of Ann's hand and into her messy bun. 

 

“Well that's good! What former player of theirs said that awesome stuff about you?”

 

“Ummm..”

 

“Baby. Chris and I need to go and talk to Ratcliffe about the game plan. Can we meet you in an hour at the house?” Kelley said sweetly. 

 

“Sure.” 

 

Christen looked away when they kissed. 

 

\--

 

“For a long time.” 

 

Kelley nodded slowly and fidgeted with the hem of her shorts. And then with the straps on her backpack. 

 

“Why'd you keep it from me?” Kelley asked. It wasn't angry. It was sad.

 

“Because we never talked about her after awhile.” Christen said quietly. “You never brought up the fact that you would watch her games or that you keep up with her stats on your phone.” 

 

“Sorry, I just saw her pulled up on your browser when I borrowed it one time.” Christen apologized. 

 

“You had chances to tell me, Chris.” The familiarity of the words didn’t go unnoticed by Christen.

 

Kelley was hurt. Because for once, it was Christen keeping something from her. Also, Kelley didn't like the fact that yes, Hope Solo was more than capable of picking up a phone. 

 

Too many emotions. 

 

“Chris, it's fine. I figured something was up when I saw an article talking about how you two were dating since you guys were spotted walking together in Madrid. I just wished you were honest with me.” Kelley said in defeat. 

 

_Holy shit have things done a 180._

 

Christen grabbed Kelley’s hand as an an apology. They had been through this before. Many times. It just wasn’t worth fighting over anymore.

 

 

\--

 

Reconstruction surgery is hard. Replacement surgery is a bitch. 

 

Same flight. Same stress. Same hours. Same city. Different doctor. Different rehab. Different results. Hopefully. 

 

One bad dive for Necib”s killer bend had sent pain shooting all the way up through Hope’s whole left side of her body. A kind of pain never felt before. 27 hours after that bad dive, she had gotten a harsher prescription written out for her than a year ago. 

 

Replacement. 

 

_Fuck._

 

 

\--

 

“Well I'll be damned. I haven't heard this voice in many years.” 

 

“My dulcet tones?” Hole asked with a smirk. 

 

“You. Are. Freaking. Hot. Solo.” Erin said with a straw from her drink in her mouth. 

 

“Seriously. Did you grow like a foot? You're like six feet tall now! Do you have abs? Let me- yep. Of course you do.” Erin said as she lifted Hope’s Nike fitted shirt. 

 

“Erin. You're making me blush.” Hope said under her breath and her cheeks starting to feel hot. 

 

“Oh my god! Do you play this innocent card with all those European girls?!” Erin asked with mock surprise. 

 

“No Erin. Only you do this to me.” Hope said with a smirk and a wink. 

 

“Oh shit. You're good.” Erin admitted. She may or may not have just wet her pants.

 

“Now come inside because I only have an hour and I want you to take a selfie with me and post it to twitter or whatever so that I get a lesbian cult following too. Because I need to have something in my life!” Erin dramatically yelled as she grabbed Hope’s hand and dragged her into the Starbucks. 

 

“So you're really single? Like single single?” Erin asked when Hope had ordered her drink.

 

“Yes Er, why?” Hope chuckled. 

 

Erin smirked 

 

“Ella is still single.”

 

\--

 

 

“Yes I know rehab sucks Hope. I tore my ACL. We talked about this.” Ali Krieger groaned. 

 

“Okay. Don't get pissed off. Why are you so mad?” Hope raised her hands up in surrender. 

 

“Because my boyfriend is annoying and I'm so fucking glad you're here, and pissed off that we haven't talked in so long.”

 

They embraced in the middle of LA’s biggest sportsmed rehab gym. 

 

“So when are you going back to Lyon?” 

 

“8 weeks. Get the hard part done here. Then start the rest of it at their facility.” Hope explained as she wiped the sweat off of her lip. 

 

“So you have 8 weeks left in the states...?” Ali asked. 

 

“Yes....why?”

 

There was a devilish grin on her face. 

 

-

 

Tobin Heath was on top of the world. It didn't matter that she was on the campus of the girl that got away, because she had just read the public announcement on twitter. 

 

The acceptance was glorious. As a young girl, the dream was too big and too far away. But today, it was all hers. 

 

“You got a spot on the roster of 18 for the Olympics.” Pia said plainly. It was so anticlimactic and so Pia. And it was perfect. 

 

That sentence replayed in her mind. It replayed when she was brushing her teeth. It replayed when she ate her served meals. And it replayed now as she confidentially juggled the ball on Maloney field, ready to take on the mountain of an emotional obstacle that was Christen Press. 

 

“Tobin fucking Heath.” She heard a familiar voice call out to her. She stopped the ball with the sole of her foot. And turned around at the sound of a old, familiar voice. 

 

“Adam Wright.” Tobin said with a smirk. 

 

She gently strolled over with the ball close to her feet, like always.

 

“How is it man?” Tobin asked with sincerity. 

 

“It's great. Well, I don't think it's as good as your life.” He had a big smile on his face. 

 

“My life is pretty great.” Tobin matched his expression. 

 

“I bet.” 

 

Their smiles and the nostalgia exchanged freely between the two and soon the soccer talk was flowing. 

 

“Yeah I actually broke it. Surgery and everything. So now it's just basically assisting and coaching. I can’t believe Gunn actually let me in his circle though. He said that I could work under his assistant. Said I could read the game well enough to give it a shot. It was fucking awesome dude. I think I like it better than playing.” Adam chuckled. 

 

“Yeah, well you were always good out there with the kids.” Tobin offered.

 

“Yeah. I loved it.”

 

“So uh. What’s going on with you? Girlfriend...boyfriend?” Tobin smirked.

 

“Haha. Girlfriend. She’s actually on the team.” and he pointed at one of the Stanford girls warming up.

 

“Good for you, Wright. Are you treating her right?” Tobin asked.

 

“Yes. I promise. She’s straight. Well, she told me she is.” He smirked. “It’s funny because she’s actually really good friends with KO.”

 

“Really?” Tobin asked. She was intrigued now.

 

”Yeah, she actually broke up with me when she found out who I was. I figured KO would have told her about our connection, but Ali was drunk one time and KO texted me from her phone to come pick her up because she was so wasted. Then Ali flew off the handle. Said I was an asshole.”

 

Tobin only smirked in response.

 

“Wait, so do you and KO still talk?”

 

“Eh, every once in awhile. A couple of months ago at a Kappa party, she had saved me from drinking from a beer that had a fucking roofie in it.” Adam shook his head.

 

“Some dude had put it there for one of her sisters to drink and I picked it up instead. Guys are assholes. I’m really fucking sorry.” Adam said quietly.

 

“For what?” Tobin was quiet.

 

“On the behalf of men and the boy I used to be. I’m sorry.” Adam said seriously.

 

Tobin brought him in a hug.

 

And then she nutmegged him.

 

\--

 

“Okay, I can’t do this.” Ali said. She turned around and marched back the way she came from.

 

“Oh fuck no Krieger!” Hope yelled. “You gave me shit for four whole fucking days for not wanting to come to this! I spent money to fly us out here. We are fucking staying!” Hope grabbed the sleeve of her Penn state t-shirt and dragged her back.

 

“Plane tickets are like pennies to you! I’ll buy you chipotle. That is more than equal.” Ali defended.

 

Hope almost considered it.

 

But the sight of a much older, yet goofy looking Tobin Heath playing 1v1 with a much buffer Adam Wright while the crowd of fans started to gather was enough for Hope to stick around.

 

“C’mon. It’ll be interesting.”

 

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen Ash in a really long time. Not since I told her I have a boyfriend..”

 

“Well, what can you do about it now?”

 

Before she could answer, Hope commanded. “Ali. Let’s go.”

 

\--

 

“KAY-OH!” Ratcliffe yelled.

 

The girl rushed over with her sweaty brow and her flyaway hairs everywhere.

 

“I’m going to tell you this, and only you.” He whispered.

 

“You’re being weird again, coach.”

 

“If you deliver today, that Mac Hermann is yours.”

 

Kelley looked at him with wide eyes.

 

\--

 

It was frustrating and wonderful to watch the UNC vs Stanford match. Hope was really surprised by the amount of people that had gathered in the stands. It was full.

 

But there was only one reason she agreed to come. 

 

It was the short, skinny, white-skinned fiery ball that was blazing laterally up the field for through balls. Hope didn’t think it was possible that Kelley could get faster. But damn, had she.

 

There were a few things different about her. One, she was wearing the colors of a different school than when they last played together. Two, Kelley seemed to have gotten fiester as a player. And three, she was just overall more skilled, powerful, and dynamic on the field.

 

Her off the ball movements were deliberate and calculated, her dribbling and moves were quicker and fancier, and damn, her shots more powerful than a lot of the pro players that Hope played with. She was a star.

 

Hope was glad that the first time she saw Kelley was like this. It was from a distance and when the girl was in her element. Hope had ninety plus minutes to observe her from afar, ease into the blazing fire that was Kelley. But just because she was a good distance away, didn’t mean that the oh so fucking familiar sensation of her stomach churning went unnoticed. It was funny what Kelley could still do to her. Her performance on the pitch was so exciting that Hope felt it in her chest and in her legs, the excitement of the crowd and that on Kelley’s face when she scored her second goal.

 

But she needed a mental break. It was becoming too overwhelming to be in a huge crowd of people who were getting to enjoy Kelley O’Hara just like she was.

 

Hope felt a small tug on her shirt.

 

“Excuse me, are you Hope Solo?” A girl that must have been fifteen or sixteen shyly asked.

 

“Uh...yeah kid. Who are you?” Hope asked. She looked over at Ali who just smirked.

 

“I’m Breanna. I’m on the U15 team.” The girl said with pride after her mouth dropped when Hope confirmed her identity.

 

“No way kid!” Hope said excitedly. “Like the Girls national team??” She squaled.

 

The little girl nodded.

 

“My friends and I came here with my parents. My friend over there, her name is Isabella. She wants to go to Stanford. She’s wearing your Sweden jersey!” Breanna said.

 

Hope looked up to see a group of girls looking at her with wide eyes and a mom and dad smiling big at her. She spotted a girl with a youth replica of her keeper jersey.

 

“Do you think that my friends could come and meet you?” Breanna asked shyly.

 

Hope’s heart melted.

 

“Of course kiddo! Tell them to come over here!” Hope said.

 

\--

 

“We see pictures of you when you were our age in a US jersey!”

 

“When are you coming back?”

 

“Are you going to play for the WPS?”

 

“Do you know Carli Lloyd? We met her at a a team conference meeting!”

 

“Do you make a lot of money?”

 

It went on and on and on. And Hope couldn’t be more content, answering the innocent and curious minds of the soccer girls of future.

 

 

 

\--

 

 

Christen was actually the first one to see Hope. She felt the elation of seeing a good friend and all of the little girls that seemed to have swarmed and surrounded her. She motioned a wave, knowing that it was probably going to go unnoticed because she had no chance against those kids when it came to getting a celebrity’s attention. Christen jogged closer to the stands, but instantly stopped as the heat creeped around her cheeks.

 

_Oh shit._

 

The forward turned around and in a panic searched for best friend. Kelley was making funny faces and doing weird dance moves like only Kelley could do. Christen decided not to panic her, but she also realized that she didn’t know what the fuck she should do. 

 

 _Kelley’s a grown ass adult. Hope came here for a reason. I don’t know what the fuck that reason is... but they’re both adults. I can’t make this decision for them. I can’t solve everyone else’s problems. I can’t even fix some of mine._ Christen looked over at the tanned girl in a carolina blue uniform that had become a different person. In the best way. Christen lamented the fact that she didn’t even really know her anymore. _I didn’t even tell her congratulations for making the Olympic team. I need to get out of here._

 

“Chris! Why do you look so down?! We just won!” Kelley yelled.

 

“Uh, yeah, Kell. I’m not down, just thinking.” Christen tried to keep a smile on her face. She really did. But it slowly faded when she saw Kelley’s eyes land on something over her shoulder. Kelley’s whole body grew tense and still. Kelley's smile completely washed away from her face, the girl rooted in her spot. 

 

Christen didn’t even turn around to see what she had just saw.

 

For Kelley, It was other-wordly. The concept of time and reality ceased to exist, and no other stimulus, no other matter on this earth, nothing else existed in this moment. Because Hope Solo, albeit a very different looking Hope Solo from more than four years ago, was twenty yards away from her.

 

That girl. That damn girl. The girl with the ocean blue eyes and the red and white gloves was in the stands of her home field, eclipsing the moon of her current relationship and ascending on the horizon to become her sun, her center of gravity. 

 

Because her body used to be hers, and because their lives had intertwined at the most intimate of times and in the most intimate of ways, Kelley _felt_ Hope sense her stare. And the second Hope cocked her head to the side and met her gaze over the heads of a few girls, Kelley felt the crashing of waves, the weakness in the knees, and the beauty and wonder of a long awaited sunrise.

 

\--

 

Hope was really thankful that she was meeting these girls. It was a good display of the youth, the product of this country and all of it’s hard work, and also, the greatest distraction and reason to delay the moment that her and Kelley met each other’s stares. There was this little girl who had the same exact gloves that she had when she was in high school. It was just as sweaty and ragged just like hers. 

 

“Can you sign em’?” The girl asked shyly.

 

Hope smiled and grabbed the pair of gloves. She gave a messy scrawl on the palms and melted into the girl’s innocent and naive eyes. It was filled with awe and potential. She instantly thought of the love of her country and the sport, and it really hit her how much she had actually meant to this girl. And maybe other girls all over the country. And the power and the deadly responsibility of being who she was and who she could be.

 

And it was in the eyes of this little girl, and the eyes of the girl with the Stanford uniform that was slowly approaching her, that Hope made the decision. It was time to come home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay like I really want to talk to some people about this fic. Wretchedthorium.tumblr.com
> 
> \- Wretched


	23. My Broken Heart in Her Back Pocket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised you that I wouldn’t lie to you way back when, so I just want you to know that I missed you too. And I’ve been through SO MUCH trying to decide whether I wanted you stuck in my dreams or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brownie points for naming the song(s) I may have taken some lyrics from...

“Hi.” Kelley said with the air leaving her chest. 

There was so much to be said. So much heartbreak and many sleepless nights with other girls sleeping on the other side of the bed. So many goals and so many saves. 

Hope couldn't believe that Kelley was standing in front of her. Not thousands and thousands of miles apart. Not with an ocean in between them. Not through a high definition 80 inch television screen. Not impossibly and tortuously out of reach.

When Kelley spoke, it hit Hope right in the chest and her stomach simultaneously, how _long_ these four years had been. How was it possible that her heart was still beating when she spent all these days without hearing Kelley’s voice? The keeper could have sworn that her time overseas had happened in a blink of an eye, but looking at Kelley's stronger frame and older face from what she remembered, she couldn't help but think about how much Kelley had changed. Something about the way she regarded Hope with caution, and calculation. Something about the way her jawline got sharper and her eyes more intense. 

“Hi.” Hope said. It was filled with awe. The keeper scanned Kelley's face. She took in every detail, every scar, every question that seemed to have formed on O’Hara’s face.Their eyes found each other.

“You have a lot of freckles.” Hope said softly. It was the only thing she could think to say.

An awe-struck grin formed on Kelley's lips. 

“You have really pretty blue eyes.” Kelley breathed out. 

\--

“You kicked ass!” Ali yelled as she brought Kelley in for a hug. Over Ali’s shoulder, she never broke her gaze with those blue eyes. 

“Thanks, Al.”

Hope felt a pair of arms take hold of her stomach and give her a bone crushing side hug and lifted her off her feet. 

“YOLO!” Ashlyn yelled. 

Hope felt another pair of arms loop around her neck. 

“HS. I love you.” A silky smooth voice sounded. Hope looked down to see both Tobin and Ashlyn hugging her. 

“I love you guys.” Hope whispered softly. Because as hilarious as it was to have the two chillest and smoothest people out there hanging on her like two excited three year olds, Hope had forgotten how strong Ashlyn’s grip was and how majestic Tobin’s flyaway hairs could get after a game, little details that only close friends knew, details that Hope had forgotten. 

“So how the fuck have you been dude??” Ashlyn swatted Hope in the arm with her gloves. 

Hope saw Ali and Kelley drift closer to the three of them. The keeper kept her eyes off of Kelley, but her body was aware of Kelley’s small movements, the hand that ran through her scalp, her restless hands that fiddled with the drawstring of her shorts, and the analytical eyes that scanned up and down Hope.

“I've been rehabbing.” Hope chuckled. “It's been tough.” She admitted. 

Hope looked to the side to see Christen snake in and give her a hug from the side. Christen held their hug and Hope put her arm around her shoulders while she answered Tobin and Ashlyn's many questions. 

“So what's it like playing in France?” Tobin asked. Hope tried to keep herself from looking at the girl hanging under her arm, aware of how tense and still she got at the sound of Tobin's voice. 

“It’s fucking challenging. That's for damn sure. The speed of play is insane. And uh, this league has players that can score. So much more than in Sweden.” Hope said. 

“We will see about that.” Christen smirked. 

Hope looked down and could see the guard in Christen’s eyes. It was a display of confidence to mask the caution and uncertainty that was lying underneath.

She continued to answer their questions until both coaches of the two teams yelled at them to huddle back and gather for their post match huddle. 

They all agreed to meet in the parking lot, because “fucking Hope Solo is in the house.” And they couldn't depart without spending time together. 

Christen went back to the sea of white players, Tobin and Ash to the sea of Carolina blue players, and Ali kind of sunk back into the crowd. 

Kelley stood in her spot, not too sure what to say or what to do because Hope was right here, in the flesh, an arm’s reach away. Something she never thought would be possible again in this lifetime. Hope had not moved a muscle. The composition of her body and the ocean in her eyes were being pulled like the tide towards the moon-bright eyes on Kelley's face. 

“I..I..” 

“I'll still be here.” Hope said gently. “I'm not going to leave.”

Her words so resolute and calm, Kelley brushed off the deep seated, nagging fear that Hope was going to leave again. 

The keeper watched her make her way back towards her team. Not many words were exchanged, but Hope could feel the way her world was shifting. She tried her hardest to remember every detail. The way Kelley walked, the color of her cleats, the color of the pre-wrap she was wearing, and the way she looked when Hope met her eyes. 

“She's gotten a lot better, huh?” A voice said into her left ear. Hope turned. 

“Oh my god...” Hope whispered. 

“How are you Hopester?” Dan O’hara asked with a huge grin. He brought her in for a bear hug. 

“I'm doing..amazing. How are you? How is Jerry? How is life? My God!” 

Dan chuckled. 

“Well. I am doing well. Same old same old. Jerry is..Well he's growing up. And life...can't complain. My daughter is like the best player in the US, so not too shabby.” He said simply. 

“I know! That's freaking!...it's..Kelley. It's...not surprising at all.” Hope said with a wide grin. 

“You've been keeping up with American college soccer?” Dan chuckled with a furrowed brow. 

“I..uh..I follow...” Hope hesitated. But then she met his gaze. “I follow Stanford soccer."

Understanding flashed across his face. 

“So is it just you out in the stands or...?”

“No. Karen is here. She's sitting in the stands with Kelley’s uh...with Ann.” Dan tried not to notice the rigidness in Hope’s body. 

“Oh! That’s awesome that you both come out to her games. Especially one this big.” Hope’s pitch was too high to be genuine. 

“Yeah well. I try. WE try.” Dan looked back at his wife. 

“How is Mrs. O’Hara?” 

“She's...trying. Her and Kell-Bell are..trying.” Dan laughed at his eloquence. “Her and Kelley’s relationship is getting better.”

“That's great.” Hope with genuine warmth. 

“Yeah. I'm sure my firecracker is...” his tone softened, “happy. I'm sure she's happy to see you.”

“I'm..” Hope tried to search for a word. 

“I can see it in your face.” Dan said with a warm smile. Hope nodded. 

“Well, it was good catching up Hopester. Maybe we will see you again?” Dan asked. Hope responded with a nod and a long hug. 

\--

“A lot of emotions, huh?” Ali asked as they both waited in the parking lot. 

“Fuck, dude.” Hope chuckled. 

“Did you talk to Ash?”

Ali snorted. “Yeah right. She didn't even look at me.”

“Well maybe that's because she doesn't know if you want her to talk to you. I mean technically you're not single anymore.”

“Ugh! Whatever!”

“I’m just saying.” Hope shrugged her shoulders. 

“No. You're just taking her side because you don't want me to have a boyfriend.” Ali said with an eye roll. 

“Hey.” The keeper grabbed her by the shoulders. “I don't want anything but happiness for you.” She said strongly. “And if that is some dude. Then so be it.”

“Why the fuck did you move out of the country? Where were you when I needed someone to say all these smart things? Where were you when I needed someone to care about ME?” Ali threw her hands up. 

“Oh no girl. Get in line.” Hope smirked. 

“Oh gross. I can’t believe those Swedish chicks actually fell for your crap.” Ali teased. 

“Hey!” Hope yelled. “The french ones too...” she finished with a smirk. 

The two joked as their old friends and teammates started to gather. First it was Tobin and Ash. Hope strategically occupied Tobin's attention and watched out of the corner of her eye when Ali asked Ashlyn a question. 

“So. I heard someone made it to the fucking Olympic roster..” Hope said with a big smile. 

“You know, if a certain goalkeeper bought a one way ticket back to America, she'd be on the roster, too.” Tobin said. 

“Nah. Dans earned that spot.” Hope said with a wave. 

“She's beast. But her and I both agree that you need to come back and challenge her.” Tobin said with a shrug of shoulders. 

“Who's beast?” Christen asked loudly. Hope watched Tobin seize up. 

“Uh Dani.” Hope called out as she turned. Big mistake. Because as soon as she called out her name, she met eye contact with Kelley, who was trailing behind Christen. 

\--

_Shit._

Hope quickly averted her eyes and leveled with Tobin again. The two were equally as tense and panicked as the two forwards from Stanford walked up to them. 

“So uh, Yolo,” Ash called out. Her and Ali came closer, “Ali tells me that you two rented a beach house for the whole week??”

“Yeah well, I wasn’t too sure how long we were going to stay in the area, and we both got a week long break from rehab so..”

“Uh... So...What the fuck...Are we invited?” Ashlyn pointed between her and Tobin. 

“Wait you're here for a whole week?” Christen asked excitedly. 

Ali interjected. “Well, Hope will be here for a whole week. I'm just here in California because she flew me out to meet with a huge ACL doctor specialist-magician-whatever out in LA.” 

“Well that's really thoughtful.” Kelley said softly. Hope took in the softening of Kelley’s face.

“Yeah.” Ali flashed Hope a big smile. “I dragged this big ol’ softie to the game to surprise you guys. But I'll be flying back to Penn on Monday.”

“Wait so.. can we stay with you or...?” A huge smile was growing in anticipation on Tobin's face. 

“Tobs, don't you have to go back to UNC? I mean you're here with your team.” Hope asked. 

“Nah. I have to be in Carson for camp on Monday. I'll find out a way.” Tobin said simply. 

“Well, sure.” Hope nodded her head. She turned towards the Stanford girls. “Do you guys want to stay over?” Her eyes landed on Kelley. 

“Oh yeah.” Christen said with a nod. “Count KO and I in!” She put Kelley in a headlock and ran her knuckles on the girl’s hair. Hope saw out of the corner of her eye, a familiar looking blonde approaching the group.

“Oh yeah! Can Ann come?” Tobin asked as she brought the blonde into a big hug. Christen held Hope’s gaze for a beat too long for it not to mean anything. 

“Uh yeah. Hi, I'm-”

“Hope Solo!” Ann finished. 

_Well she's nice._ The keeper furrowed her brow in confusion. 

“Yeah...How d-”

“I'm sorry you must think I'm a creep. But you're the keeper for OL right?? Kell and I watch you guys play like ALL THE TIME!” Ann said excitedly. 

Hope met Kelley's eyes and tried not to feel EVERYONE but Ann get tense and awkward. 

“Well that's awesome.” Hope said with a robotic reply. “And nice to meet you Ann.” The keeper shook her hand firmly. 

“Um. I just need to say bye to my parents.” Kelley mumbled. Her and Ann walked off, and Hope tried to stifle the intensity of the spasm in her chest at the sight of Kelley holding another girl's hand. 

“It's going to be okay.” Christen whispered in her ear. Hope looked down at her hand in Christen’s and gave it a squeeze. 

\--

“Holy shit, high roller.” Ash said as they approached the G-Wagen that Hope led them to. 

“It's a rental. Don't be obnoxious.” Hope warned. 

“Says the girl who rented a luxury bus as a fucking rental car.” Ash threw back as her and Tobin threw their bags in the back. 

“Just follow me, okay?” Kelley said with a small smile as she unlocked her car. 

“Whoa whoa. What happened to baby blue?” Hope asked. 

“You've been gone a LONG time ago Solo. She got rid of that in high school, right Kell?” Ann said. 

Kelley looked down at the ground as she nodded.

“Yeah, a long time.” Hope said sadly and softly.

\--

Hope drove off the lot with Ali riding shotgun and the UNC kids in the back, making a bunch of noise and chatter. The keeper followed the route to Ann’s apartment and waited in the car with her company while Kelley packed a bag, and Christen scavenged their combined closet for whatever left over clothes they had. 

“Guys.” Hope said seriously. “I don't know if I can do this.” 

The car got quiet. They all understood. Because even though it had been almost four years since they had talked in person, everyone knew how big of a moment this must have been for their goalkeeper friend.

“You can, Hope.” Ali said softly. 

“I don't know.” Hope shook her head. 

“HS. You've blocked a penalty kick from Marta. You can do anything.” Tobin said with confidence. 

Hope looked through the windshield and wave of irrational jealousy crashed over her when she saw Kelley’s girlfriend plant a big one on Kelley’s lips before she got into her own car. Hope’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel

“I'm going to need your guys’ help.” Hope said with clenched teeth. 

“Yolo. What are teammates for?” Ash met Hope’s eyes in the rear view mirror. 

\--

“Yo, HS. Can I invite my best friend Alex?” Tobin shouted out to the beach deck as she twisted the bottle cap off of the beer in her hand. 

“Uh sure. Alex who?” Hope called back to the kitchen. 

“Alex Morgan. She's just up in Berkeley. It’s like an hour drive, yo.” Tobin said. 

“Alex Morgan. She's just up in Berkeley.” Christen mocked under her breath, akin to ten year olds mocking each other. Only Hope heard her. 

“Uh sure.” Hope called back and then shot Christen a questioning look. The forward just rolled her eyes. 

\--

Hope looked at the two sips she had left in her bottle, at the intertwined hands of Kelley and Ann, and experienced a tortuous anemoia of the college years that she never got to have with Kelley. She half heartedly listened to Ashlyn tell an animated story about the time she almost got bit by a shark, and downed her seventh beer while she looked at the way Ann clung onto Kelley’s arm.

The keeper got up to get another one and the instant the rim touched her lips, she heard Christen’s voice behind her.

“Watch it, Solo.” Hope turned around to see Christen point at the bottle in her hand.

Hope lazily chuckled.

“I think I can handle my alcohol.” Hope bragged.

“Yeah okay.” Christen eyed her with narrowed eyes.

“It’s been an hour and that’s what...number six?”

“Eight.”

“Walk with me, Solo.” Christen grabbed Hope’s hand and walked her down the deck, spotted everyone else on the beach, and then pulled her the other direction. Because Tobin was singing some song at the top of her lungs, with her arm slung around Alex Morgan’s shoulders, while Kelley and Ann waved their beers along with Tobin’s pitchy voice.

They took refuge in the rear cargo of Hope’s rental car with the back door popped open.

“You’re not holding you shit together.” Christen said with a smirk.

“Neither are you, CP. You haven’t even said hi to Alex.” Hope chuckled.

“Yeah, so what? You have a problem with that?” Christen said fiercely.

“Hey.” Hope said softly as she brought Christen closer. “Sweden is amazing.”

“Was it amazing enough to dull the pain?” Christen said as she wiped a small tear from her left eye.

“Nah.” Hope said with a swig from her bottle. “Nothing really is.”

\--

Hope took another huge gulp from her ninth beer from the case that Christen brought out for the both of them. Because Tobin was laughing and playing beach soccer with Alex Morgan and Christen wanted to tear her eyes out. 

“Is it satisfying to punch through a window?” Christen slurred.

“Only if you’re drunk.” Hope chuckled. At this point, she was still able to hold her alcohol down.

“I’d rather not tear my eyes out, but I figured, ya know, I don’t really need my hands for soccer, right?”

The two laughed.

“Ya know, I can’t believe that I used to think that being the sober one was hilarious. Because being drunk is SOO much better...” Christen lazily smiled. Hope just chuckled.

“Hey, I’m really drunk. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know that you’re probably sad as fuck. Are you okay?” Christen asked.

Hope didn’t answer. Because the answer was obvious. After all of it. After the years and the far away pining and the unanswered questions of how Kelley was doing and how Kelley was holding up and how Kelley was surviving all of this, Hope got her answer. She was doing just fine. She could see it on the easiness of Kelley’s ability to avoid her stare.

_What did you think? That she was going to bask in her misery like you did this whole time? You thought she was going to hang on to some fucking high school fucking romance? You're an idiot. You left her. She went off to a fucking great school and made something for herself. She got over you. She moved on. So should you._

Hope took another gulp and finished her beer.

“You know, you got her shook, right?” Christen said lazily.

“I don't know what I thought it would be like, seeing her for the first time.” Hope said quietly. 

“I guess you thought she wouldn't have had a girlfriend.” Christen said simply. 

“Yeah. I guess so.”

They both listened to the waves noisily crash and the delighted laughs and screams from their group of friends off in the distance.

“You know, Kell has changed a lot. She's grown up. But, that doesn't mean that she isn't still KO.” Christen looked Hope in the eye. The keeper could tell that the alcohol had coursed its way through the forward’s system, but there was still a sense of coherence in the way she held Hope’s stare. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean she's still the girl you remember.”

“How is that possible?” Hope asked sadly. 

“Well look at you.” Christen offered. “Yeah you've grown like fucking two feet, and you have enough money to buy three high class whores to add to your disgusting list of girls,” Hope playfully glared at her for that. “But you're still so...textbook.” Christen finished thoughtfully and with narrowed eyes. 

“That sounds like an insult. What does that mean, CP?”

“Spend too much time away from textbooks?” Christen smirked. 

“Shut up.” Hope chuckled. 

“Tell you what, Solo.” Christen looked back at the sound of footsteps on the gravel driveway. “I'll let you figure it out.” 

“Hey guys, thank you so much for letting me hang here at this amazing beach house! I can’t stay because I got work.” Ann said warmly. The blonde girl took in Christen for a hug, while Hope tried to keep her expression neutral at the sight of Kelley. Ann gave Hope a big hug that left her feeling guilty and ashamed and confused that all she wanted to do was ruin this girl’s life and buy her breakfast at the same time.

“I’m going to see what Ali is up to.” Christen whispered as Kelley walked Ann to her car.

“No you fucking won’t.” Hope growled. She unsuccessfully tried to hold Christen back by a hold on her shirt, but Christen wriggled out of her grasp and shot her a devilish smirk as she walked away.

_Fucking bitch._

\--

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Kelley asked quietly.

“Yeah. But have fun with your friends. I know you haven’t seem them in a long time. Have fun, okay baby?” Ann kissed her sweetly, and Kelley felt the piercing stare directed on the back of her head at the same time that she felt the devoted lips of her girlfriend on her own.

Kelley shut the door gently and stood on the end of the driveway as she watched her girlfriend’s car disappear and fade off into a small speck into the distance.

_I don’t know if I can do this again._

The first time she looked at Hope, it was out of surprise and wonder. She was on the high of a crucial win and victory of basically capturing the title of being the best college player. She felt invincible and she felt like she was going to burst from the excitement of it all. And at first, it was like the sight of Hope in the stands was a hallucination. That maybe she had reached a state of nirvana and her mind had given her this ultimate image of a prize offered up by the gods. 

But when Kelley started making her way towards Hope on Maloney field, she realized that no, this was Hope Solo in the flesh. The girl who was so angry, or so hurt (usually it was hard to differentiate the two with Hope) that she had to fly to the opposite end of the earth so that she couldn’t look at Kelley’s face anymore. The girl that abandoned her in front of her troubled home because Kelley had pushed her too far. The girl that Kelley tried so hard to forget. The girl that infested her nightmares that wreaked of loneliness of insatiable lust. The girl who was responsible for Kelley’s insane scoring record, because the forward had developed an aversion to goalkeepers, and the fact that none of them were Hope.

She didn’t think that she could face Hope again like she did a couple of hours ago. She had pulled every ounce of will power that resided in the fibers of her being, to not look Hope straight in the eye the minute that she saw Ann. She tried not to tense at the sight of Hope in her expensive clothes and her bulging biceps. There was a moment earlier in the evening when all of the girls were chatting in the kitchen and Hope had struggled to pop off the cap on her beer bottle. Kelley noticed that it was one of the few moments in which Hope wasn’t staring at her so she knew it was safe to look. The forward didn’t want to think about the sensation between her legs when Hope used the hem of her shirt to twist the cap off, and she saw the insanely ripped muscles that was hiding beneath that shirt. She clung to Ann when she saw the v cut that pointed and disappeared down Hope’s tight jeans.

Kelley must have been standing there for a good thirty seconds after Ann had driven away before she turned around.

And when she did, when she saw Hope regarding her with a sultry and calculating look like she was trying to decide whether or not she wanted to come off her line, Kelley O’Hara knew that she was screwed.

\--

“Hi.” Hope said when Kelley slowly walked towards her.

The forward stopped right in front of the keeper with a hesitant and bemused expression.

“You’re here.” Kelley shook her head in disbelief.

Hope lazily watched the way Kelley’s lips turned up and a lopsided smile erupted across her face and scanned Hope up and down.

“Is it too lame to ask you how you are?” Hope asked.

“I..fuck Hope...I.” Kelley shook her head and cupped her face in her hands, trying to find the way to express the millions of thoughts and feelings that plagued her mind. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“I’m here.” Hope said with a chuckle and she threw her hands up as she leaned on the bumper of her car.

“Why?” Kelley stepped closer so that there was only an inch between their knees. “Why are you here?”

Even though it had been years, Hope knew. It was an O’Hara challenge.

“I’m here for rehab.” Hope knew that her answer wasn’t going to be enough. Because they both knew, that the tall girl did not end up here, inches away from Kelley’s face, due to a shoulder injury. Out of all of the space in this earth that Hope could occupy, there was a reason that she was in front of this girl.

“No.” Kelley pushed. “Why. Are. You. Here?”

Hope stood up, leaving only the tiniest amount of space in between them.

“Why do you think?” Hope whispered.

Kelley felt the muscles around the hair follicles on her arms contract and the hair rise. Because Hope’s beer-filled breathe was on her face, and Kelley could smell the devastatingly familiar scent of Tide. 

Hope felt the alcohol take effect and slow down all of the systems pumping away in her body. And because of her raw and savage desire to discover this older Kelley combined with her lowered inhibitions, the keeper advanced on her and with every forward step, the small girl followed in a reverse direction, and Kelley found herself let out a small breath when her back made contact with the side of Christen’s car.

The skin on Kelley’s jawline was soft, opposite to its striking appearance, and the way it kissed the mountains and valleys that made up the calloused fingerprints on the keeper’s hand made emotions build up in the cavity behind her sinuses. Because the girl that knocked on her door years ago, asking for a refuge and for love, was in her strong hands.

“I’m sorry.” Kelley’s voice cracked and wavered, but her eye contact didn’t.

“For what?” Hope whispered, because if she had opened her mouth, or let out anything else escape from her mouth, it would have been a sob because of how much her chest was hurting at the crushingly euphoric sensation of Kelley’s skin on hers.

“For..everything.” Kelley breathed out. “For making you the first to fall, and the last to know.”

Hope nodded and the lower half of her body was burning Kelley’s skin underneath her clothes due to the contact, and her strong hands were starting to figuratively melt the skin on her face. Because Hope Solo’s now artful touch and affection _burned_.

“I got sick and tired of trying to remember what the scent of the lotion you wore smelled like.” Hope’s low voice that was tinged with alcohol, tickled the nerves in Kelley’s ear.

The small girl grabbed Hope’s hands, took them in her own and looked at their intertwined digits and the pulsing veins that bulged out of Hope’s skin on her hands and on her arms. It signaled the aging of their bodies and the assumed maturation of their minds. Kelley nestled Hope’s right hand in her own and placed them on her chest.

“I missed you.” Hope said.

“I..I didn’t want you to leave.” The old beast of heartbreak, the one that Christen spent many nights taming, growled in Kelley’s chest, and nothing, not even the concept of time, nor the sweet kisses of Ann, could repress the emotions that were beginning to burst through her chest. “You didn’t have to miss me.”

Hope’s eyes rolled lazily side to side as her brain tried to process Kelley’s words.

“I-I-I had to do what was best for my career.” Hope slurred and she dipped her head down closer to Kelley. Because time and hormones had forced the creation of a new neural pathway in Hope’s brain as her neck tried to gauge the new difference in their height.

“I know.” Kelley quickly threw back.”I know. I..I don’t want to..I don’t want to.” The small girl squeezed Hope’s hands tighter. “I don’t want to make it about me. It’s just my roundabout way of saying ‘I fucking missed you too.’” Kelley smiled.

“I promised you that I wouldn’t lie to you way back when, so I just want you to know that I missed you too. And I’ve been through SO MUCH trying to decide whether I wanted you stuck in my dreams or not.”

“Why not?”

“Because I didn’t know if you were coming back.” Kelley spoke softly. “I _know_ deep down in my heart that I ruined your chances at college and I couldn’t...” Her voice cracked again. “I couldn’t look at myself for months because of it. Because I know that I couldn’t stand to be the person that did that to you. I couldn’t stand having those thoughts of fucking regret and-and shame. I couldn’t stand being constantly reminded every night when I managed to cure my insomnia, about the girl I couldn’t have anymore.”

Kelley’s heart was pounding and her head throbbing and she let go of Hope’s hands and occupied her own with the hem of Hope’s shirt as the tears fell.

“But I just-I still wanted to remember this.” Kelley said. “Even if was just for that short amount of time that I claimed your bed.”

A pause.

“I think about you all the time.” Hope’s motions were lazy but she held onto Kelley’s hips and onto her every word.

“Then why didn’t you call?”

Sandwiched in between two cars, standing on a rocky driveway, with the end of the world just twenty yards away and the moonlight beaming over their heads, Kelley had let out the question that remained in the woodwork of the foundations that she built back up in order to survive.

“Why didn’t you call?” She repeated when Hope failed to answer.

Hope felt like right now would have been a good time for that tenth beer.

“Hope. Please.” Kelley tugged on her shirt and twisted the hem just like it was the keeper’s heart.

_Fuck, Kelley don’t do this to me when I’m drunk._

“Why are you here, if not to talk to me?” Kelley pushed. The knot that had become Hope’s shirt in Kelley’s hands was twisted and wrung and the small girl used it to pull Hope even closer.

“After all this time, are you still the Queen of shutting people out??” Kelley asked.

“Jesus, Kell!” Hope pressed the eyelids on her eye when she felt Kelley pull her closer to stab her heart.

“Because I had to do things for me for once. Because- fuck - I don’t know, I was hurt and heartbroken by you and all I wanted to do was to fucking take control of the one thing I was good at in this life! I-I couldn’t even get you to be faithful to me. I couldn’t get you to give me all of you! I felt like a fucking failure! And I moved to fucking different country and I didn’t know SHIT about the culture, or the food, or how to fucking say ‘hi’ over there! And then I have to learn how to play soccer in that environment?! I had to fight for a keeper spot for a club I really knew nothing about?! And play with women who were older and stronger than me?! Kell I had to do things for me!” The veins in her neck were throbbing.

“And I dealt with the shit that happened, and I got over what happened in high school. Every day it just got a lot easier having to deal with not having you. It was a dull pain that used to be fucking monstrous! A pain that as a kid, I didn’t know how to handle! And I needed to fucking grow up and deal with it.” Hope took a breath.

“So no. I didn’t call you. Because for awhile, I had nothing new to say, and nothing new to give you. Because...I..fuck.” Hope wiped the moisture on her face. “I needed to move on from the girl who had my broken heart in her back pocket.”

“Kelley. I needed to find myself. I needed to grow up. I needed to experience things. I needed to develop my game. But I also fucking needed to experience what life was like without you.” Hope caught her breath and felt the effect of the alcohol dull to a buzz.

“It seems like life has been fucking FANTASTIC without me.” Kelley muttered under her breath as she pushed Hope’s lazy hands from her hips and walked back towards the house.

“Stop.” Hope commanded. The keeper clumsily put her body in front of the smaller girl and held her back.

“Stop, Kell. Stop.” Hope repeatedly begged with her words and her tugging pulls around Kelley’s waist.

“STOP! My life has been fucking excruciating without you!” Hope yelled. That got the smaller girl’s attention, and now she wasn’t resisting Hope’s hold.

“Your life has been excruciating?! Are you fucking kidding me Hope Solo?!?” Kelley let a laugh or two escape her.

“I’m the one who had to live in that hometown where you fucking abandoned me! I’m the one who was stuck in the same old setting, sitting with the fucking deep rooted regret of what I did! Okay? I’m the one who had to play the 90 minutes to our senior state championship knowing full fucking well that we were going to lose because we didn’t have you in goal and that was ALL MY FUCKING FAULT! I’m the one who had to spend FOUR YEARS not knowing what your phone number was and begging my dad not to change mine because of the fucking slim chance that you would call me!” Hope could see the floodgates had been knocked down, and all of their shit was coming out.

“I’m the one who was stuck there with the ghost of what we used to be! Okay?! You got to go to a fucking beautiful foreign land and earn a shit ton of money and bang whatever fucking girl you wanted! You’re the one with the fancy fucking cars and the expensive ass clothes, and endless train of women, while I’m the one here, fucking paying for the mistake of..” Kelley took a deep breath and laughed. “Kissing fucking Adam Wright.”

“So what? You think I paid for front row seats to the fucking Ann show?” Hope spat. “You think it doesn’t fucking _kill_ me seeing her hold your hand like I used to? You think I don’t still have your phone number in my phone?! I fucking sleep with these girls because they fucking remind me of you! Yeah, that’s how fucking sick I am.” Kelley’s eyes widened at Hope’s admissions.

“You think I make my monthly trips to Paris and NOT think about you when I’m in the most romantic city on earth?! You think that I don’t cry like a fucking baby when I watch Stanford play Washington and I think about how I’m not on the same pitch as you?! I fucking think about my decision to leave you every fucking day!”

Hope felt the heaviness on her head lift and the much needed break and standoff that both of them needed. The weight that saturated their words put a mental toll on the two bodies clashing in mind.

Hope leaned back on her car to assuage the attacking mentality that she had switched on, and also to give her pounding head a break.

The brute in her chest calmed when Kelley closed the distance and the wiped the trail of tears on Hope’s face. Kelley silently held her face for a good two minutes.

“I didn’t like being away from you.” Kelley whispered to break the silence.

Hope nodded and with her left hand, grabbed the small girl’s neck and with her right, brought her body closer. Under the moonlight and the light on the side of the house, Hope could see the surprise on Kelley’s face.

Because this couldn’t be happening. Because they had just yelled at each other. 

But now, with Hope’s calculated movements, Kelley’s brain was about to explode because the keeper’s lips were so fucking close. And with every passing second, the reminder that she wasn’t single was being tucked away into the burrows of her mind.

But, four years had passed. Kelley had grown up.

“Please.” Kelley whispered as she placed both hands on Hope’s chest.

“What? What is it? What do you need from me?” Hope asked as she searched the small girl’s eyes.

“I need you to not do what I want you to do. Please.” The freckled face girl put her face in her hands while Hope slowly peeled away from her and rested both of her hands on the hood of Christen’s car.

Hope’s head hung with rejection as she listened to the quiet sobs emitted from Kelley.

“You told me to grow up. I-I can’t be doing this. I can’t do this to Ann. I-fuck! I can’t do what I did to you, again.” Kelley said.

“I’m not that person, anymore. I can’t be.” She cried.

The night did not go the way Hope had wanted.

“Why do I feel like you always belong to someone else?” Hope asked bitterly.

\--

“Oh shit! She’s coming!” Christen whisper-screamed at Ali. The two sprinted back down towards the beach the second they saw Kelley make her way back in the direction of the house. Well Ali sprinted, while Christen drunkenly stumbled as she flailed her long limbs in the air. They started from their spot around the corner of the house and didn’t look back until they had reached the dwindling embers of the bonfire that Tobin, Alex, and Ashlyn were sitting around. 

“We were here the whole time.” Ali said through heavy breaths.

“Uh. Sure weirdo.” Ashlyn joked. Her smile faltered when Ali rolled her eyes.

“Where were you guys?” Tobin asked through a yawn.

“They were here. Geez Tobin.” Alex Morgan said with a laugh. 

Christen gave her a small nod and smile. 

_Fine. I’ll give her that one. I’ll be nice._

“Hey, Chris do you want to finish this last pack of hershey bars we have and make some s'mores?” Tobin asked with a wide grin on her face.

_God, she’s beautiful._

“Um...” Christen’s tore her eyes away from the beautiful grin, and they followed the approaching figure of Kelley O’Hara break the circle of the group and then sit next to Alex. “Sure...” Christen said slowly as she watched Kelley lean in and whisper into Alex’s ear.

The alcohol had taken full effect on Christen and she couldn’t help the bitterness and resentment that was starting to boil underneath the surface at the sight of Alex Morgan sitting in between both Tobin and Kelley.

“Stop staring at her like that.” Ali whispered into Christen’s ear.

“Here Chris!” Tobin got up from her seat on a log she finished crafting a s'more.

Christen got up and avoided Tobin’s eyes when the girl handed it to her.

“That one was made with love, CP, so savor it.” Tobin said with a smile. It fell when she saw Christen’s face and when the realization of the words she chose hit her.

“Shouldn’t this be for Shirley then?” Christen asked.

“Okay! So how are things up at Berkeley Alex?” Ali asked loudly and with wide eyes.

“They’re great! But i’m more focused for this upcoming camp though!” Alex said enthusiastically.

“Why are you being like this, Chris?” Tobin asked with narrowed eyes. 

“Like what?” Christen slurred.

“You must be excited!” Ali said loudly and she eyed her bickering friends.

“Like a jealous ex-girlfriend who forgot the fact that SHE broke up with me!” Tobin chuckled.

“Yeah, I’m-” Alex gave up the distraction of a conversation.

“KO! Where is Hopester?” Ashlyn asked, trying to diffuse the situation. But it was a horrible attempt, because Kelley’s shoulder sagged and her face fell.

“Oh I’m not jealous Heath. Feel free to date WHOEVER you want!” Christen slurred as she threw her hands up. “And you!” She pointed at Kelley lazily.

“I need to talk to you!” Christen yelled. She yanked Kelley up by the sleeve and dragged her away, leaving everyone with their mouths wide open, and Alex thanking the Lord that she got invited to Hope Solo’s beach house.

\--

“What did you just tell Alex?” Christen asked. She was swaying in her spot as they stood in the kitchen, and Kelley held her still.

“What are y-”

“Why aren’t you coming to ME after talking to Hope?” Christen pouted.

“Okay, CP, you need to lie down and I’ll get you a drink of water.” Kelley soothed.

“No, fucking tell me why you went to Alex and not me! Why am I not good enough?!” 

“What did I do wrong? Why are you and Tobin talking to her and not me?” Christen sobbed. Kelley’s eyes widened. She had been through so much shit tonight and seeing Christen actually break down, actually go crazy was another situation she was not ready for.

She also wasn’t ready for the throw up that Christen regurgitated out on her Birkenstocks.

“I’m so s-” Another wave of vomit escaped her. It was all over the floor and down Christen’s shirt and Kelley’s shoes. The freckled face girl was shocked. And disgusted. But mostly shocked. And unsure of how to take care of her friend.

This is what Christen Press had come to.

“Okay, babe.” Hope’s voice sounded from nowhere, and in a second she was holding Christen up. “I got her.” she said as she picked Christen up, bridal style.

"I'm so sorry, Hope." Christen cried into Hope's shoulder. 

The keeper shushed and smoothed. 

“You can rinse off in the shower of my room, Kell.” Hope led the way and she placed Christen on her bed. The smaller girl rinsed off her feet and her shoe after she made Christen gargle some mouthwash. The keeper fetched a glass of water and laid it on the bedside table, next to a passed out Christen. 

Kelley walked out of the bathroom to find Hope peeling Christen’s shirt off, tactfully maneuvering it so that none of the vomit touched the girl’s face.. The keeper grabbed a maroon shirt off of her bed, put it on Christen gently, and then laid the girl down underneath the covers. But not before Kelley could read the white letters on the shirt that had just been thrown on her fellow forward.

“Did you get that from my bag?” Kelley asked.

“What? Oh no from mine.” Hope said as she stroked the sweaty hairs from the passed out girl’s face.

“Where did you..?”

“I found it.” Hope put two pills of tylenol next to the glass of water she set out. “In my closet four years ago. I never gave it back to it’s owner. Wanted something to remember them by.” The keeper walked out to clean up the mess that Christen had made. Kelley took Hope’s previous spot on her bed and stroke Christen’s face while she read the word ‘STANFORD’ on her friend’s shirt.

\--

“HS, dude seriously, it's your rental. I'll take the couch!” Tobin whined. 

“Tobs, I'm going to slit your throat if you don't fucking close that door and let me sleep in peace on this couch!” Hope said as she threw a useless cushion at the midfielder. 

Tobin complied, but not before she jumped onto Hope and gave her a horizontal hug. 

“I fucking missed you man.” Tobin squeezed an exhausted Hope tight before she got up and headed to a room she was sharing with Ali. Hope was too damn tired to tell her midfielder friend about the state that her first love had been in. Because the alcohol and Kelley's rejection had taken out of her all that she had left. 

\--

AMorgs: Does Christen hate me? [1:32am]

KoH: no! She's was just drunk....[1:33am]

AMorgs: U sure? Cuz it sure seems like it...1:35am]

KoH: I'm sure. [1:35am]

Kelley hated that she was lying to Alex, but as she laid in the bed next to her best friend texting her enemy, she knew that for once, Christen needed help getting her shit together,and it was Kelley's duty to help her. 

Plus, there was no sense in delving too deeply into the drama of between the forwards when she could hear the couch creak and groan under the restless Hope Solo just outside her door. 

\--

Hope got woken up at the sensation of a slight pressure being applied on the whole right side of her body. 

Her eyes slowly opened and her eyes adjusted even slower. 

But Hope could tell from the paleness of the skin and smallness of her frame, that the girl that had just cuddled up to her on this couch was the girl that she had wished for every night. The girl that was supposed to be claiming the other side of her bed in Lyon.

Kelley's tears were running down the crook of Hope’s neck, and Hope right arm held Kelley close. Hope breathed in the comforting smell of Kelley’s hair.

“I love you.” Kelley whispered. 

“Always have, always will. It's always going to be about you.” 

The sweet proclamation of love was whispered so gently in the night into the sleepy ears and eyes of the keeper. The lulling beats and pulse of Kelley's heart that vibrated across Hopes chest was the only sound and sensation that could be heard as Kelley's words echoed in the walls of her mind. 

Hope grabbed Kelley's right hand and put it on top of her heart so that her fingers could feel for herself the way Hope basically had a heart attack from the explosion of feeling she felt at the sound of those words. 

_She fucking loves me._

All this time. All this heartbreak. All the girls that they had been through. Hope looked up at the ceiling and thought about how she would have never thought in a million fucking years, that she would have been holding Kelley again. She never thought that after all of the crap life threw at them, that they would turn it all around and Kelley would come back to her. 

“I love you too.” Hope said softly. 

And that was all they needed before they could both drift peacefully to sleep, their minds eased for the first time in a long time. 

\--

“Ash! Come here!” Alex motioned to the blonde keeper. She furiously waved her over until Ashlyn joined her as the both stood in the doorway.

“What?!” Ash whispered.

“What’s...that....?” Alex whispered when she pointed at the intertwined sleeping figures of Hope and Kelley on a couch, the smaller girl snoring lightly.

“OH SHIT.” Ashlyn tiptoed towards the couch, hovered over them like she was studying them, and then tiptoed back into her and Alex’s room.

“What the fuck?” Alex asked.

“They had their clothes on. I don’t think it was anything.” Ashlyn said. Her worried face was contradicting her words.

“What is going on??” Alex whispered.

“Okay, listen. I’ll fill you in. Just uh, let me do them a favor.” Ashlyn walked over to the door. She grabbed it, hesitated, cringed, and then threw it violently against its frame to shut it.

“What was that for?” Alex asked with bewildered eyes.

Ashlyn held her finger up and listened for any noise on the opposite side of the door.

“Fuck!” She heard Kelley yell out.

Ashlyn smirked.

“Alright Morgan, sit down. Ima tell you a story.”

\--

“Are you okay?” Hope chuckled as a sleepy Kelley sprawled out on the floor, too tired to get back up on the couch from her fall.

“I’m too sleepy, Hopey.” Kelley pouted.

The tall girl rolled onto her side on her place on the couch and stared down at the small bundle that was Kelley. She reached out to rub her back.

“Snuggle me.” Kelley demanded as her face slackened from her desire for more sleep.

“I would, kid. But I think that it’s time to get up.” She looked the watch on her wrist that read 5:02 am.

“What the fuck? For who?” Kelley groaned.

Hope chuckled.

“For me. Just go back to sleep. I’m going to buy us all coffee.” Hope said softly. 

The tall girl tiptoed around the dark house in search for her keys and her jacket. She quietly closed the front door and let the cool air hit her face.

Hope stopped in the middle of turning the ignition in her car when she spotted Kelley sleepily struggling to put a sweatshirt on. Her flyaway hairs were everywhere and her eyes almost shut when she opened the door to Hope’s passenger side.

“I’ll wake up at this ungodly hour for coffee. But only for coffee.” Kelley smiled.

Hope smiled brightly. 

\--

“OHMIGOD THANK YOU!” Ali let out a deep voice of satisfaction when Hope set down the carton of drinks on the kitchen table.

“There’s cortados, espressos, black coffees, flat whites, Christen’s vanilla bean, even though I think she won’t be waking up soon...uh I don’t know, Kell and I just bought everything.” Hope said.

“Sweet.” Tobin grabbed a cup and sipped the warm liquid.

“Uh, I’m going to wake up Alex and Ash.” Kelley said before she left the kitchen to wake up her other friends.

When the small girl walked away, Ali raised her eyebrows at Hope in a questioning look.

“Don’t.” Hope shook her head and chuckled. 

“What-” 

“Nothing.” Hope said with finality.

Tobin and Ali looked at each other and then sipped their cups, while Hope made her way out onto the deck and onto the sand to enjoy the sunrise.

“Do you think that they...?” Tobin asked.

“I don’t know.” Ali said. “Not my drama anymore.” She threw her hands up.

“Oh please. I watched you and Chris stalking them last night.” Tobin smirked.

“Really? Or where you just watching Christen?” Ali said into her cup.

The midfielder’s face fell and she rolled her eyes.

“No. Why does she hate me so much?” It was with a saddened tone.

“Don’t take it personal, Tobs. She hates everything right now. She hates herself.” Ali said simply.

“Why?? She’s fucking...perfect.” Tobin chugged the rest of her hot coffee.

“Yeah. Perfect.” Ali said as she looked at Ashlyn emerge from the room.

\--

California sunrises belonged in their own category. Hope didn’t get this kind of beauty in France.

The hot liquid in the cup in her hand soothed her body from the biting chill of the air, and slowed her mind from the ecstatic frenzy of happiness that filled her body. She felt the coolness of the sand in her toes and thought about the salty taste of Kelley’s skin if they had all those years to go skinny dipping in the ocean. She thought about how many more freckles Kelley had now that she was living in the golden state. 

She felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around her waist and closed her eyes at the feeling of Kelley nuzzle into her shoulder blades. Because the feeling of Kelley holding her was more beautiful than California sunrises.

\--

“Do you still play with your velcro straps when you get nervous?” Kelley asked. She was sitting in between Hope’s legs in the sand, leaning back into Hope’s chest.

“Yeah, all the time. But I don’t wear them out as much because I have a whole trunk full of gloves that Nike sends me every time a new line comes out. So it’s not as big of a problem as it used to be.” Hope chuckled.

“Do you still wear nasty bucket hats under this California sun?” Hope teased. Kelley playfully rolled her eyes and swatted Hope in the arm.

“No! I outgrew that phase in my life!” Kelley chuckled. “Do you have any new hobbies now?”

“Um...” The only thing she could think of was sleeping with girls that looked like Kelley, but she thought it was best to not mention that one. “I read.” She offered. 

Kelley looked at her with a surprised look. 

“You read?”

“Yeah asshole!” Hope laughed. “Anything that isn’t a calculus textbook. You?”

“I surf. Like, all the time. Do you still wear that necklace that your dad gave you a long time ago?”

“Nah,” Hope moved Kelley’s bun aside so that she could pull the necklace out from her layers. “But I do wear a little ‘A’ for Amelia.” Kelley looked back at the necklace and sqeauled in delight.

“I love that little goblin!”

“You’ve met my niece?” Hope asked with the surprise riddled in her tone.

“I babysit her and her sister every time I go home! I usually hang out with your moms while your brother and Cindy have a date night!”

“Shit, well Marc never told me that..So you hang out with my mom at my house all the time?”

“Well duh, how else was I going to repay her for letting me live there?” Kelley asked with a smile. “Plus, I cook her dinner sometimes. Got that housewife shit goals.”

“You? You cook??” Hope asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Cooking ramen is still cooking.” Kelley reasoned.

\--

“How did you meet Ann?” Hope asked softly.

Something flashed across Kelley’s face, and then she burrowed into Hope’s neck and traced the lines of the veins in her arms while she told the story about how her and Ann fell in love.

\--

“Hey. Are you okay?” Tobin softly swept the hairs out of Christen’s face. It was 2 in the afternoon and the girls were planning on playing a little pick up, but the forward had still not emerged from Hope’s main bedroom. Tobin spotted the glass of water, the pills on the bed, and the trash can that was all strategically placed near Christen’s head.

Christen opened her eyes, but didn’t move a muscle.

“No, Tobs.” Christen admitted.

“What’s wrong?” Tobin asked.  
“I think I ruined my life.” Christen said.

“CP, it’s just a hangover.” Tobin chuckled.

“No, not that.” Christen struggled to get up and she squinted her eyes at the realization that some sun had made it’s way into the room behind some drawn curtains.

“I lost everything.” Christen said quietly.

“No you didn’t Chris. Your still here. You still have your friends and your family. Ali told me that you have Gothenburg, and you’re tied with Kelley on most goals at Stanford!” Tobin said with strength. “And, I know that you don’t have a favorable view of me, but you still have me, Chris.”

“No I don’t.”

\--

“How is my princess doing?” Kelley brought Christen in a hug when she emerged from the confines of Hope’s room.

“Stop talking.” Christen said as she held on to Kelley and sipped on a black coffee, opting out of drinking all of the milk in her designated drink. Christen soon passed out on the couch again.

Kelley texted Ann that she was still at the beach house with all of her friends and signed off her message with the usual ‘I love you.’ The small girl looked up at Hope who was animatedly talking about a shot she blocked with Ashlyn in the kitchen. Kelley made her way over and stood right behind Hope to pour herself a glass of chocolate milk. Kelley pulled on the back oh Hope's shirt. She felt the tall girl receive her touch and scoot back so that there bodies were closer, all while she continued to talk Ashlyn.

_She’s different._

Hope was. She was more affectionate and easy. Kelley noticed the way Christen hung on her and gave her hugs, she saw the way Hope naturally draped her arm over Tobin when they walked down the shore to find the soccer ball that Alex had kicked way too far last night. Her touch was so easy and purposeful from the beginning, unlike when they were kids. Kelley didn’t want to think about the girls that had made Hope this way.

But as she silently clung to Hope as she chugged her drink, she couldn’t help but think that maybe, if she would get over herself, if she would stop being so selfish, if she would remember that she did the same exact thing with a lot of girls too, then maybe she would realize that the woman Hope had become was perfect. And Kelley thought for the second time:

_I’m screwed._

\--

“Don’t you have to go with them too?” Hope asked Kelley quietly as Tobin and Alex packed their bags for Carson, Ali packed her bag for flight back to her school, and Ashlyn attempted to pack her bag so that she could rejoin her UNC teammates.

“Nah. I’m not going to this camp.” Kelley said. “Pia said that I’m going to the next one so...we’ll see how that goes.”

Hope just nodded.

“I’m not going to be able to watch Tobin drive off with Alex, so I’m out.” Christen said and brought Hope into a hug. “I’m going to take Ali to the airport and I’ll take Ash where she needs to go. Call me before you fly out?”

Hope nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

“It’s a french/spanish thing.” Hope explained when Kelley shot them a questioning look. Christen nodded.

“Kell.”

Christen looked her fellow forward in the eye.

“Are you coming or will I just catch you later?” Christen asked. It was loaded.

Kelley felt Hope’s eyes on her.

“I’ll catch you later.”

\--

*Sunday afternoon*

“Who knew you could be so fucking romantic?” Kelley chuckled when Hope finished telling her a story about how she convinced a girl to go out with her underneath the Eiffel Tower.

“All of it was bullshit.” Hope smiled. Kelley raised her eyebrows to question. “None of it meant anything.” Hope didn’t break eye contact.

“Well, that’s...discouraging.” Kelley whispered as she zoned in on Hope’s lips.

“None of it matters if it isn’t the _girl_ that matters.”

Kelley nodded and bit her lip, not taking her eyes off of Hope’s lips.

“I-I know that you have a girlfriend, but I just...I love you. I’m _in_ love with you and I respect you and if you don’t want me then I understand but I can’t stop t-”

“I need you to kiss me already.” Kelley hushed.

It was sweeter than they both thought it would be.

It was a lingering touch of lips and souls. It was soft at first, the way there lips navigated each other like it was something familiar. But the instant that Hope’s tongue ran along Kelley’s bottom lip, they both realized that it had been four fucking years. And there was so much catching up to do. It was ferocious and hungry. Biting and lustful. 

They broke apart when Kelley suddenly pulled away. Her hands were shaking as she lifted her fingertips to her lips, and she had trouble breathing because of her heavy pants.

“I missed you.” Kelley said. She sat on the railing of the deck with Hope in between her legs. “I almost forgot your lips.” 

Hope held her face.

“I couldn’t forget yours.” 

She kissed her again. And it was as perfect as the first time.

\--

The sun set with Kelley’s naked body right by her side. They were laying out in the back of her rental with the sunroof open and the small moonlight pouring in. Every look and every touch kept reeling in the keeper’s notion that she was meant to come back to this country. Kelley’s raspy laugh and childish antics were enough to build a life on. 

Hope kissed the skin on Kelley’s hips, and celebrated the victory of remembering the exact spot that made Kelley ticklish. When the small girl squirmed away, Hope brought her in closer.

“Do you want me to come back?” Hope’s eyes darted back and forth between Kelley’s eyes, searching for the answer.

“What do you mean?” Kelley asked.

“Do you want me to come back to America?” Hope asked.

“For good?” Kelley asked.

“For good.”

Kelley slid her body over Hope’s and kissed her silly. Hope took that as a yes.

\--

*Monday Morning*

“It’s okay. I understand if you have class.” Hope offered.

“Can I see you later?” Kelley asked as she played with Hope’s fingers and traced circles around her callouses.

“Sure, kid.” Hope said softly.

“When can I see you?” Kelley nuzzled into the tall girl’s Nike sweatshirt.

“Whenever you want.” Hope wrapped her big arms around the girl.

“When are you leaving?”

“I need to be out of here by Friday. Since I’ve been progressing, I have the option to finish in LA or go back to France. Initially they wanted me to finish out in LA for the eight weeks, but I think Lyon is pushing me to be use their facilities. So I don’t know. Drama.” Hope rolled her eyes.

“So I can see you after practice?” 

Hope tried not to think about the girlfriend that Kelley had.

“Of course.”

\--

“What are you doing?” Christen asked with narrowed eyes.

“Nothing.” Kelley said as she stood in the line for passing drill that the team was running. Christen kicked the ball at her feet away.

“Hey. We’re not 17 anymore. You and I are past that shit.” Christen said strongly.

Kelley sighed.

“We...” She nodded her head up and down, trying to figure out how to tell Christen that her and Hope had-

“You guys fucked?!” Christen whispered.

It was Kelley’s turn in line.

\--

“Ann can I talk to you?” Kelley said through the phone.

“Yeah sure baby. What’s up?” Ann asked.

Kelley broke down.

\--

Hope took out the earbuds in her ear and looked at the heart rate displayed on her watch. She also looked at the tiny numbers in the corner that told her it was eight o’clock in the evening, two hours after Kelley was supposed to get out of practice. 

She put the earbuds back in and sprinted back up the shore to get rid of the anger in her chest.

\--

Kelley stood outside Ann’s apartment.

“So you slept with her?” Ann asked calmly.

“Yeah.” Kelley looked down at the ground.

“So you cheated on me?” Ann asked.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to see her again?”

Kelley looked up, a little flabbergasted that Ann hadn’t burned her at the stake yet.

“Uh..”

“Are you going to see her again?” Ann pushed.

“I-I-I don’t know.” Kelley rubbed her temples with her thumbs, afraid to look at Ann.

“Do you love me?”

“Yes.” Kelley said quickly.

“Do you love her?”

Kelley knew the answer, but struggled to face Ann.

“Yes. But I-”

Ann walked back into her apartment.

\--

*Wednesday Morning*

“What are you doing here?” Hope asked with saddened eyes.

“I want to watch the sunrise with you.” Kelley pushed.

“Where were you Monday and yesterday?” 

“I had to take care of some stuff.” Kelley kissed Hope on the lips as if to tell her to trust her. “C’mon let’s go, I checked my phone, it’s going to come up in like 5 minutes.” The small girl dragged her out on the deck and held the taller girl while they enjoyed another one of the limited amount of California sunrises Hope had left.

\--

“Why are you taking so long? You know that we aren’t even going to watch the movie?” Kelley smirked.

“Whoa O’Hara. What makes you think you’re going to be so lucky? Who says I’m that easy?” Hope asked as she clicked on the first movie that popped up.

“Half the girls in Sweden.” Kelley said with a smile.

The keeper pulled the girl onto her lap and ran her thumbs over Kelley’s cheeks.

“True. But I only love you.” Hope whispered.

“Then show me.” Kelley whispered back.

\--

“You can’t skip class for me, kid. It’s too important.” Hope pushed.

“You’ve never been to a college lecture. Don’t tell me it’s important.” Kelley waved her off and continued to put on her wetsuit.

“There are more important things in life.” Kelley said as she zipped it up.

“Like what? Like seeing me eat it on a surfboard?” Hope stepped out of the bathroom with the top half of her newly bought wetsuit hanging on her waist.

Kelley took in the sight of a topless Hope.

“Like seeing you in that.”

\--

CP: As long as it’s what’s best for her. [1:45pm]

\--

*Thursday morning*

“Can you stop celebrating every time Marta shoots on me?” Hope looked at the girl underneath her arm with disbelief in her face.

“I know the score Hope! I know how it ends!” Kelley kissed the magical spot on Hope’s neck and draped her left arm across her stomach.

“I’m not going to watch film with you if you keep cheering on the strikers.” Hope pouted.

“Fine, fine, fine. But break it down for me. I have no idea what’s going on in that head of yours.” Kelley strained herself to stretch and kiss the top of Hope’s head.

“Okay. See how Marta drifts to the left, cuts, carries it to the right post and shoots in the left corner?”

Hope pressed the play button.

“Okay yes I see that.”

Hope fast forwarded 5 minutes later.

“What does she do now?”

“The same thing, but opposite! Takes it to the left post and goes far post.” Kelley said.

“So going through this whole game, she does the same combination, but she switches it up randomly, but now, I know her tendencies.” Hope smirked.

“Shit, you guys study that?”

“Oh yeah!” Hope pushed. “Here let me show you my notes.”

She came back from her room and pulled out a binder full of loose leaf paper with Hope’s messy scrawls.

“Holy shit.” Kelley said as Hope flipped through the pages.

“Yeah look! Here is the section where I have notes on all of the strikers in the French League. I even have a page on Vero! I should send this to Christen.” Hope said excitedly.

Kelley read the detailed breakdown of Vero’s choice of moves, dominant foot, places on the field that Vero like to drift to, the percentage of shots put in the corners, in the air.

“This is insane.”

“This is my job.”

“Seriously? I just see our GK coach just kick balls at our keeper. That’s basically it.” Kelley laughed.

“Yeah well, that’s why I’m glad that I learned how to study the game overseas. Made me what I am now.” Hope smirked.

Kelley watched as Hope smiled as she read all of her notes. She only half listened when Hope would read out loud some of the observations she had made on some world class players. It was magical. Hope was in her element, she was a true student of the game.

Kelley smiled as she watched Hope’s face erupt into fifty different emotions as she recalled a match that Hope had played probably two years ago. She talked about her footwork, her positioning, her dives. And the words came rushing out of Hope, and Kelley swore that it was enough words to write a book on the art of goalkeeping.

When she looked at the beautiful woman in front of her, Kelley was sure that she would have read this book, even if it was for goalkeepers.

She knew Hope was good. Fuck, that she was brilliant at goalkeeping. But this was the moment. This was the moment when she realized that this wasn’t the eleven year old girl who still identified as a field player but who just happened to also be a goalie. She wasn’t just the insanely athletic girl who had fought her way up the ranks of the national players. This was the moment when Kelley realized that goalkeeping and herself were the loves of her life.

“You know that they’re calling you the best in the world.” Kelley said softly. She pushed aside the binder and climbed onto Hope’s lap.

“Nah. I don’t even play on the national scene.” Hope said slowly as she watched Kelley take her shirt off.

“What else are you the best at?” Kelley asked.

Hope unclasped Kelley’s bra with one hand.

\--

In the midst of getting ready to go out for dinner, Hope walked out of her closet to see Kelley staring at her phone.

The keeper backpedaled back so that she couldn’t be seen.

She watched as Kelley put her phone back on the table and then put her head into her hands.

_

“Why are you being so quiet?” Hope asked.

“You’re leaving tomorrow.” Kelley said quietly.

“Yeah, but just for LA. We talked about it, kid.” Hope pulled Kelley closer by the waistband as she sat back on the bumper of her car.

“I’ll still be here for a few more weekends.” Hope said as she took a sip of her Redd’s apple Ale.

“Yeah, I know.” Kelley mumbled.

Hope put her lips on an unmoving Kelley.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Hope asked when she pulled away. The concern was evident by her furrowed brow.

“Nothing.” Kelley pushed Hope’s hands off of her. The tall girl let her step away and gather her thoughts.

The freckled face girl started crying.

“Whoa, Kell. What? What just happened? What is going on??” Hope closed the space between them, but Kelley held her at bay.

It took a lot of salty tears and pleas until Kelley finally answered her.

“I want you to go back to France.”

\--

“Why are you telling me this?” Hope asked. She waited for the pang in her chest to ache.

“Because I want you to.” Kelley said.

\--

Hope spun Kelley around and pushed her gently against the wall.

“Why are you doing this?” The keeper’s body was shaking as the panic and familiar feeling of devastation spread throughout her body. “Why are you pushing me away?”

The tall girl grabbed Kelley’s face with one hand and turned it so that she would finally look Hope in the eye.

“I don’t want to do this with you, Hope.” Kelley said in a monotone voice.

“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT if you don’t want to do this. What the fuck just happened?” Hope yelled. “LOOK AT ME!”

“I want you to go back to France.” Kelley said again.

“WHY??”

“Because it’s what’s best for the both of us.”

“WHAT THE FUCK? What happened? Who texted you? W-what did it say that made you do a fucking 180 on this whole week?!” Hope pushed.

“No one.” Pain and hurt were starting to flood onto Kelley’s face.

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME O’HARA!” Hope yelled.

“I WANT YOU TO GO TO FRANCE BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU! OKAY?” Kelley screamed back.

Hope silently watched Kelley walk back into the beach house.

\--

“Stop.” Kelley said when Hope pushed the front door closed.

“No.” Hope pushed.

“Hope, I want to leave.” Kelley’s voice shook.

“You said that you loved me.” Hope shook her head, trying to fathom how any of this made sense. “Was it all a lie?”

“No!” Kelley was crying at this point. “I love you!”

“THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME?”

“Because I love you Hope!” Kelley grabbed onto Hope’s shirt. “Because I’m fucking choosing you!” She roughly dug her finger into Hope’s chest with her pointer index.

“I’m doing this for you!”

“That’s fucking bullshit!” Hope pushed back.

“No! You need to go back to Lyon! You can’t come back to an unstable WPS with goalkeeper coaches who don’t know shit!” Kelley shook her head.

“You need to do this for you. Not for me. But for you.”

“Kell, that’s insane! I can work with the US coaches, I can train full time, I can-”

“No! You think USSF is going to teach you something that you don’t already know?? France and Sweden are the reasons that you are who you are! There is a reason that you are the number one goalkeeper. There is a reason that Dani doesn’t compare!”

“Kelley-”

“No, I don’t want you to come back to America.” Kelley said with a shake of her head and a tug on Hope’s shirt.

“You owe it to yourself to strive for perfection in the thing you love.”

“I _love_ you.” Hope grabbed Kelley’s face, hoping that the touch could convey the immensity of the truth in that statement.

“And I fucking love you too. Fuck, Hope. I want to drop everything if that meant that I could have you.”

“You can have me!”

“I WANT THE BEST YOU!” Kelley yelled. “I want the version of you that’s ready to come back to the US because you yourself believe that your the best in the world at what you do! When you’re ready to stop playing the bullshit humble card when it comes to the starting spot on the national team! I want you when YOU’RE ready. As far as anyone else is concerned you are the greatest. But it’s never going to be true unless you believe it. Because you being overseas was about me, but it was also so that you could become the greatest. In whatever way you can.” Kelley gulped back the pain her throat.

“And I’m not my best self yet. I thought I was, but...not yet.” Kelley whispered.

\--

“Please don’t leave.” Hope sobbed into the back of Kelley’s neck. 

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” She pulled onto the back of Kelley’s shirt and reeled her in her embrace.

Kelley wiped her eyes and kissed her on the lips, and then made love to her to soothe the pain she had caused.

\--

*Friday morning*

_H,_

_You owe it to yourself to strive for perfection in the thing you love._

_-K_

_P.S. I love you. And I want to be the best me for you. I’m not there yet._

Hope read the note on the pillow on the left side of her bed, and then broke down.

Hope cashed in the empty side of her bed and the lingering scent of Kelley’s lotion on her for a plane ticket back to France.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who was the one that got left this time around?
> 
> -Wretched.


	24. Sense of Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley couldn’t finish. Couldn’t fathom. Her hand was placed around her mouth so that the millionth sob that escaped from her because of Hope, could be muffled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE FINAL UPDATE. READ THIS FIRST!!!!!
> 
> OF course, brownie points if you guess which song I took a lyric from.

\--

 

“Kell...it’s been five years..” Dani said softly.

 

Kelley looked out at the snow-capped mountains to her right of the field. She really couldn’t appreciate the beauty of it all, nor the sweet victory of a win over France two days ago. Her wet hair and skin that were doused from the torture that she was putting her body though in trying to defend an attacking Carli Lloyd, soaked her red training gear, leaving her cold and appropriately miserable.

 

She didn’t want to look at her teammates.

 

“Kell...” Dani started. She dropped her water bottle down to the floor.

 

“No!” Kelley shook her head and looked down at her phone. Her twitter app was open, and amidst all of the 140 character messages that spammed her feed, ones from Under Armour, teammates, brands that sponsored her, there lay a small avatar of Hope’s face, and right next to it was a message that Kelley never knew could break her in half.

 

Letters used to seem so insignificant. Letters or characters. Emojis or slashes. They all seemed unimportant and artificial, just like the social media lives that people crafted. But, as she looked down at her phone, she never knew that Hope Solo would know exactly which combination of letters and spaces could make her feel seventeen again. Letters into words. Words into heartbreak. 

 

_@hopesolo: She said yes. She looks even better than the ring._

 

“Kell, it’ll be oka-”

 

“No, Dans.” Kelley shook her head. “She can’t. She ca-” 

 

Kelley couldn’t finish. Couldn’t fathom. Her hand was placed around her mouth so that the millionth sob that escaped from her because of Hope, could be muffled. She crouched down, her body not able to deliver the blow, standing up. Because the familiar, searing pain was ripping through her body, again. She had been through this before. When Hope left her, when she left Hope, and every fucking day for the past five years.

 

_It’s supposed to be me._

 

Carli stood with the ball at her feet and her water bottle on the ground where she had tossed it, looking on with an expressionless face at the two other women. She knew that this news was going to come out eventually. She just didn’t want to be present for when Kelley found out.  
Dani took her gloves off and stood a few feet away from the sobbing woman as the Chamonix wind whipped their skins and cooled the sweat on their brows. She saw Kelley run her hand over her eyes and slick her hair with her tears. Dani stepped back a little when the now-converted forward sprung up.

 

“Did you FUCKING KNOW??” Kelley yelled as she stomped her way towards Carli. She gave a swift kick to the ball resting under Carli’s foot and closed the space so that there were mere inches between their faces.

 

Carli’s stumbled the tiniest amount at the sudden departure of the ball stabilizing her footing, but her expression didn’t change.

 

“CARLI LLOYD. FUCKING ANSWER ME!” Kelley gave her a not-so-gentle shove in the chest. The midfielder took a few steps to regain her balance.

 

“O’Hara. Calm. Down.” Carli growled.

 

“You fucking knew. Didn’t you? You didn’t think to fucking tell me??” Kelley yelled as she pushed Carli with one hand.

 

Dani started inching forward. _Because they’re both grown ass women, they won’t do anything stupid._

 

“She told me not to tell you.” Carli said in her calm voice.

 

“WHAT THE FUCK LLOYD?? Are you serious?? I’m your teammate for fuck’s sake!” Kelley’s face was beet red, and not because of the hour of work they had put on the field. “She’s getting married?!”

 

_She’s getting married._

 

“She’s- she’s fucking-” Kelley hated how used to this she was. She was doubled over as she grabbed at her chest to soothe her breathing when the rush of tears were gathering behind her eyes. 

 

“KO, I’m sorry.” Carli said quietly as she approached Kelley with her hands up.

 

“No, don’t fucking tell me you’re sorry.” Kelley said quietly. She wasn’t having it. She put her hands on her knees as she was doubled over, trying so hard not to explode with emotion.

 

“Kell.” Carli held her gaze. “Hope asked me to keep it a secret. I had to.”

 

“You fucking bitch. What are you? Her maid of honor??” Kelley spat.  
Dani saw the rarest form of fear flash across Carli’s face for a split second. Her usual coolness and composure filled her face shortly thereafter. But it didn’t go undetected by Kelley.

 

“You fuckin..”

 

Kelley sprang up. An animalistic desire to butcher and axe Carli in half devoured her and she figuratively saw red, as the massive amounts of blood rushed to her head. She made a mistake though. Instead of using her strongest limb, instead of utilizing her strength, instead of kicking Carli in the shins like back in high school, Kelley opted to punch her.

 

And because of the adrenaline and exhaustion, Kelley wasn’t thinking. She forgot that this was Carli-freaking-Lloyd, and that she had no chance when it came to throwing a punch. Her fist hit the space where Carli’s head was two seconds ago, and since the shorter woman had thrown her whole body into it, the midfielder easily stepped to the side, and swiftly put Kelley into a locked hold from behind.

 

“Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!” Dani shouted and she quickly stomped over to the two. She put her hands on her head at the ridiculous sight of Kelley crumpled on the ground to her knees, with Carli crouched down, her arms wrapped around the other woman, pinning her arms to the side.

 

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you.” Dani could hear Carli whisper into Kelley’s ear.

 

Kelley didn’t give much of a fight. At the sensation of caring arms around her she melted and dissolved and let Carli hold her up.

 

“I thought you cared about me. I thought she still...”

 

“I do.” Carli whispered softly into her ear. _She does._ she thought, but she didn’t say out loud.

 

“She’s getting married.” Kelley said after the sobs stemmed to slow breathing.

 

“Yeah.” Carli said softly.

 

“Why?” Kelley looked down at the grass. “I’m-I’m not ready, Car.”

 

“Ready for what?” Carli whispered.

 

“To let her go.” Kelley said.

 

She wasted away in Carli’s arms.

 

\--

 

“Oh yeah, I fucking LOVE getting left alone in my bed.” Hope joked.

 

“HS, you would have done the same thing.” Tobin rolled her eyes. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t have.”

 

“I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have done the same thing. For a fact.” Hope said strongly. “Look dude, all I know is that you’re an idiot.” Hope said emphatically. She took a swig of her beer when she heard Pinoe chuckle.

 

“What the fuck? What was I supposed to do??” Tobin threw her hands up in the air.

 

“Dude, I don’t know! Maybe buy her breakfast, have a little fika with her, fucking tell her that you love her. Fucking have the best morning of your life that you’ve been dreaming about since she broke up with you! Pinoe yelled.

 

“Listen, I’m not saying you did the wrong thing in hanging out with her! I’m saying you did the wrong thing in sneaking out in the morning. Not cool.” Hope said with a shrug of shoulders. 

 

“I-I-I. Panicked.” Tobin said with lost look in her eye.

 

“So you LEAVE??” Pinoe asked with an exasperated tone.

 

“I couldn’t face it!” Tobin vehemently defended. “She’s been giving me mixed signals for fucking years dude! When I broke up with Shirley she told me that she still loves me, and then the next day she tells me that she can’t be with me...I can’t handle another night like that dude. I can’t.”

 

“Yeah, well you probably missed out on her waking up.” Hope said quietly. “You probably missed the moment she realized that the emptiness on the other side of the bed was not because you were getting her coffee, but because all of her nightmares came true, and after all you two have been through, she STILL wasn’t good enough for you.” Hope said into her beer.

 

Tobin looked on with widened eyes.

 

“D-Did she say that?” Tobin timidly asked.

 

“Nope.” Hope said after another swig of beer. 

 

“I can just imagine.” She said with a sad smile.

 

\--

 

 

Kelley sat in the dingy darkened staircase with her head hanging low between her legs and the phone on her left ear. It was the only refuge she could find to escape from the yells and antics of her teammates in her hotel room.

 

“What do you want brat?” Erin’s voice piped through the speaker.

 

“Do you check twitter, or are you too old for that?” Kelley asked in a monotone voice. The exhaustion of the day was settling in her bones.

 

“I only use twitter when I want to troll, or spy on my coworkers. Why do you ask?”

 

“Go to Hope’s twitter.”

 

“But then that would require me to close this app and then open twitter, and the type, and then-”

 

“Just FUCKING do it Erin!” Kelley yelled. Her anger was coming out in bursts. 

 

“Okay. FUCK you. I’ll do it because I want to, not because you told me. AND it’s been a long time since I’ve seen a picture of Hope in a bra with her washboard abs soaked in oil, with the word NIKE printed at the bottom in size 4 font.”

 

Kelley shook her head while Erin hummed along while she scrolled through twitter.

 

“Oh.”

 

Kelley heard the unusual form of sadness in Erin’s voice. It mirrored the expression on her own face.

 

“Yeah.” Kelley whispered.

 

The silence on both ends of the line rang in the now-defender’s ear. So much that it blocked out the chatter and regret that had been cluttering her mind the whole afternoon. It wasn’t like Erin to be so quiet. It wasn’t like Kelley to be so quiet. But for a rare moment, that’s all Erin could give her. 

 

“Kell, it’s-it's.” Erin sighed.

 

“It’s been a LONG time.” She said in a soft tone.

 

Kelley knew that Erin couldn’t see her shaking head, but that didn’t stop her.

 

“Don’t say that. She understands why I did what I did!”

 

“No Kell, she probably thinks you’re bat shit crazy, baby sis.” Erin laughed.

 

Kelley dragged her fingers through the skin on her face.

 

“This isn’t fucking funny, Erin. Hope undestands that I was trying to be the best me for her. Th-That I didn’t want to make the same mistake the second time around!”

 

“Kell, that shit was ten years ago, babe. You’re 27 now, I mean it’s been years since you’ve last talked to her. Didn’t it...I don’t know...cross your mind that she was going to eventually find someone else.?” Erin asked cautiously. 

 

“I-I-I saw her like 14 months ago at Christen’s game!” Kelley pushed.

 

“Yeah, and how did that go?” Erin challenged.

 

Silence.

 

“Whatever happened with that cute makeup girl at Under Armour??” Erin asked. “Why can’t that work?”

 

“Stop Erin.” Kelley commanded.

 

“Why not? Because you still want to hold on to the impossible?” Erin asked. “Kelley, I’ve been listening to this shit for years. This has GOT to stop.” Erin pleaded.

 

“This is her telling you to let her go.” She said softly.

 

“No.” Kelley said sadly. “I’m ready for her. Right now. I’m ready.”

 

“Kelley, I got it. Here’s what you can do.” Erin said brightly. Kelley listened eagerly.

 

“You can go outside. Find the prettiest rock out there, right? And then you bash it against your head as many times as you want. Because you have fucking lost it, you nut case.”

 

Kelley rolled her eyes.

 

“You have to let her go, you have to let her be happy.” Erin instructed.

 

“I CAN’T!” Kelley yelled.  
“WHY NOT??” Erin screamed, equally loud.

 

“Because I’m not ready to do that, Er.” Kelley leaned back so that the edge of the stair pierced into her back and she was looking up at the depressing light fixture that gave such a gloomy outlook on her vision, and on her life. She let the single tear fall from her eye and into her hair.

 

“Then you’re not ready to be with her, Kell.” Erin said softly.

 

\--

 

_*14 months ago*_

_“I’ve just been playing for the Sol, surfing. The usual.” Kelley said with a chuckle._

_“Yeah, I know.” Hope said as she wiped sweat off of the back of her neck and wiped it on her shorts._

_“Oh. How-Have you been talking to Tobin?” Kelley asked._

_“No, I just.” She wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question. The keeper was super thankful when one of the trainers came and took the gloves in her hand and handed her a towel._

_“Merci” Hope murmured and just hoped down to her bones that the trainer she would stay and interrupt this painful conversation with the woman that left her._

_“It’s so...weird to hear you speak another language.” Kelley said with a fascinated expression._

_Hope chuckled. But it had an edge to it. And the trainer had walked away._

_“I haven’t spoken English as my main language in years.” It had a hint of condescension._

_“I know.” Kelley said softly as her face fell a little. “It’s just not the Hope I’m used to, I guess.”_

_“Well, who’s fault is that?” Hope spat. The keeper could see Pinoe glaring at her for a distance._

__I’m ignoring that._ _

_“I...” Kelley looked on confused as to how this conversation turned sour, and a little thrown off and out of her element that this was how the love of her life was going to greet her after years of not seeing each other._

_“You know, I spent four more years of my life in France, making French my only language because of you.”_

_“Okay, I get it.” Kelley looked on sadly, a sense of surrender in her eyes. She desperately looked for any ounce of compassion in Hope’s facial structure and found none in its underpinning._

_“No you don’t fucking get it, O’Hara!” Hope threw her a disgusted look and quite honestly forgot that all of her teammates, coaches, and all of the players from Tyresö were still on the field, moseying around._

_“Why are you here?!” She yelled. Ali and Ash turned around at the sight of Hope and Kelley arguing._

_“To see you.” Kelley whispered as she grabbed a hold of each of Hope’s arms._

_“Why?? It’s been four years. Why now? No- No.” Hope shook her head. “I don’t care.”_

_“Because you’re fucking _inevitable_ to me, Hope Solo.”_

_Hope laughed._

_“You know, back before you graduated and I saw you that one time, I fucking felt like I was falling in love again. I felt that pang in my chest and it just fucking immobilized me, ya know? Because it hurt. But it was a good kind of hurt to see your face, and your hair, and your fucking..freckles.” Hope breathed out. “Like, seeing you was filled with fucking amazement and awe and wonder._

_“But seeing my empty bed, feeling alone, having L’esprit de escalier, not being able to express my love because of a decision you made for the BOTH of us...made me realize.” Hope shook her head._

_“Seeing you NOW, makes me realize that you’re just _devastation_ to me.” _

_Kelley watched her keeper walk back into the stadium’s locker room. She read the last name that sat on top of the number one on the jersey, and wondered if she had pushed too far. If she had fucked up so badly (again) that she would never see that last name on a jersey with an american flag stitched on it’s sleeve._

_“Well, that went well.” Kling said from behind._

_Through her tears, Kelley chuckled a little and let the yellow jerseyed girl bring her into a hug._

_“Feel the love, feel the love.” Kling cooed as Kelley burrowed her face into Kling’s shoulder._

_“I’ll make sure to give you and Tobin an all-access pass to a Tyresö game when we DON’T play Lyon.”_

_**_

 

\--

 

“I found it’s best to not ask someone if they are okay, when clearly they’re not.” Christen said as she sat on the stair right next to a still Kelley.

 

No response.

 

“You’re not even talking. I’m scared now.” Christen said.

 

“You see, that’s why I like Alex more. She just leaves alone.” Kelley said in a bored tone.

 

“See, there’s the “tenacity” or, the politically correct way of saying “bitchiness” that you usually exhibit.” Christen said with a smile.

 

“What’s wrong?” Christen asked quietly as she grabbed Kelley’s hand.

 

“She’s getting married.”

 

“Yeah, so?”

 

Kelley looked on with confusion.

 

“You knew??”

 

“You didn’t??”

 

“What the f-” Kelley was starting to get flustered all over again. “What do you mean?”

 

“Sorry, Kell. I-I- Hope told me that she was going to tell you...” Christen’s face fell.

 

“No! She didn’t tell me. I haven’t talked to her in like a year!”

 

“I’m sorry.” Christen squeezed her hand. “I mean they’ve been dating for like..yeah, a year, too. So I thought you would have known it was going to happen.”

 

“They’ve only dated for a year?!? And Hope is proposing to her?!” Kelley yelled.

 

“Kell, Hope’s almost 30..I mean, it’s not that insane for her to want to settle down.” Christen offered.

 

“How is it, that YOU are the person who is not understanding where I’m coming from?” Kelley asked, absolutely flabbergasted at how blasé her best friend was being about this situation. “Out of everyone, I thought that you would have my back. That you would get it.”

 

“Kelley. I do have your back. I am on your side. We have both been busy, but I haven’t abandoned you and I’M the one who always remembers our weekly facetime dates. YOU are the one who forgets.” Christen smirked.

 

“Stop! Stop treating this like this is normal! Stop laughing! Stop making me feel like I’m insane!” Kelley cried.

 

Christen re-grabbed her best friend’s hand when Kelley had quickly pulled it away.

 

“Kell. I’m not worried.” Christen said resolutely.

 

“What do you mean you’re not worried? Chris! Babe, I love this new chill version of you. Yoga, blah blah, peace and love, acai bowls and shit. I love it. The whole nine yards. But what the fuck are you talking about? She bought that chick a ring!!” Kelley screamed.

 

“Yeah, I know.” Christen said softly.

 

“So what the fuck?? Have you been hanging around Alex too much? The Berkeley brains rubbing off on you??”

 

Christen chuckled.

 

“No, Kell.” Christen pushed. “I don’t hang out with her that much. Aaaaand, yes. Hope’s getting married to Justine.” Christen added.

 

Kelley looked on with expectant eyes.

 

“Kell. You and I both know you’re not going to let that happen.”

 

\--

 

“So how are things at PSG?” Pinoe asked.

 

“They’re alright.” Tobin said.

 

“That’s code for: Shitty because I decided to follow my girlfriend overseas and now that we’re broken up, I’m fucked.” Hope guffawed.

 

Tobin sneered. She looked at her phone when it buzzed.

 

CP: Where you at? [5:23pm French Time]

 

“See. What the fuck dude?” Tobin quietly cursed herself. “Why does she send shit like this? What does she want? To tell me that she doesn’t want to be with me again?”

 

“Maybe she want that booty.” Pinoe added.

 

“Are they still in Chamonix?” Hope asked quietly.

 

“Think so. Two more days.” Tobin said as she typed out a response to Christen.

 

“Have you told O’Hara?” Pinoe asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“I mean...I announced it on Twitter so...” Hope finished her beer.

 

“You’re fucking savage, Solo.” Tobin shook her head as she responded to the second text from Christen.

 

“More importantly, did you tell her that Justine is going to move in with you in a couple of days...?” Pinoe animatedly cringed while she waited for Hope’s response.

 

But there was no response.

 

“Solo, you're getting betrothed to a very very pretty lady. You probably might need to figure all of that shit out.” Pinoe said.

 

Hope flagged down the waitress and ordered another one for herself and her teammate.

 

“You’re going to have to learn French eventually.” Hope said.

 

“Yeah, well I’ll probably start learning it when you leave for Seattle. ” Pinoe threw back.

 

The keeper rolled her eyes.

 

“Nah, HS would never leave Lyon.” Tobin said simply.

 

“I don’t know...that 15K salary sounds pretty sweeeeet.” Pinoe laughed.

 

“You know HS, if you just answer Pia’s calls, that 15K would SKYROCKET to a HUGE sum of 74K.” Tobin chuckled.

 

“Nah.” Hope said as the waitress came and brought them their drinks.

 

“Harvey’s pushing for ya man. Like aggressively. And I heard the new league is making a little name for itself! Especially after Alex’s photoshoot cover on Sports Illustrated or something.” Tobin offered.

 

“Yeah, but like how much does an allocated player make? Like what does Alex make vs. you know a kid who is good enough to make the “pros” but not good enough to make on the National team?” Hope asked.

 

“Well, Al makes a FUCK ton of money.” Tobin said simply. “But none of it is for her actual time on the field. It’s all of her endorsements, photoshoot, interviews, hosting and appearances and sponsors and shit.”

 

“Yeah, see why the fuck would I sign up for that?” Hope asked. “Nike barely asks me to do shit. They give me new gloves like every week, make me do a photoshoot maybe once every three months, and all of these sponsors out here don’t make me do shit other than post an instagram pic or just wear their clothes. Which I’m fucking thankful for because after all this time, I still rely on someone else to tell me how to dress...”

 

“I don't know, maybe so you could see your adorable fucking niece whose cheeks I want to eat.” Pinoe said. “Plus, didn't you say that Justine might get her job relocated to California?”

 

“MIGHT. That's the key word. And yeah, she may have to go back, but who knows guys. We got an extra added bonus for winning champions league, sucks to suck Tobs, so it might be in our best interest to just stay and work it out here.” Hope shrugged.

 

“First of all, fuck you. Henry is a beast but the penalty kick was trash. Second of all, do you really fucking need more money dude? I mean, yeah your pay might dip a little but your cash cow will still be intact. Nike will re-evaluate your worth if you become the US’ number one. And you already have a million fucking cars and you can sell your house and make a shit ton off of the huge raise in property value since you took a shit in it.” Tobin said. 

 

“Yeah dude, but why would I leave my bomb ass contract, one in which I get paid more than a lot of the men's team players?” Hope asked with disbelief. 

 

“Because it's your country, man!” Tobin said emphatically. “You don't even need to play in the new league. Just call Pia back and get that number one spot! You're name’s fucking Solo. Jesus said that you were meant for his job.” 

 

“Did Jesus know that my dad changed his last name?” Hope asked with a raised eyebrow. 

 

“Yes, Jesus knew.” Tobin said earnestly. Pinoe and Hope chuckled. 

 

“Listen, Tobs. I'll call Pia back when Pinoe finally asks out Dani like she said she would way back when.” Hope said with raised eyebrows. 

 

Pinoe rolled her eyes. 

 

“I think her husband and daughter wouldn't appreciate that.” Pinoe said between clenched teeth. 

 

“Dude. Dani is pretty hot.” Tobin offered. 

 

“You're just saying that because she looks like Christen. But taller. ” Hope said. 

 

“Your point?” Tobin challenged. 

 

“True.” Hope offered as she took a sip. 

 

“Dude. Even Justine looks likes Dani. Yikes!!” Pinoe yelled. 

 

“You're just saying that because she has brown skin.” Hope said. 

 

“And pretty eyes.”

 

“And same body shape”

 

“And same hair color”

 

“That doesn't count. All brown girls have black hair basically.” Hope rolled her eyes. 

 

“They're both soccer players.”

 

“Okay okay whatever. She has some attributes like Dani. So what?”

 

“Oh it's all good, Solo.” Pinoe said. “It's just funny because she looks nothing like all the women you usually date. You know the pale, skinny, short white girls that you date. They all kind of look like...” Pinoe trailed off, wisely. 

 

“Plus, this one is American. That's new.” Tobin quickly interjected. 

 

“Yeah. I think that it's hilarious that I meet my fiancé in America. There goes my chances of snagging a hot foreign wife.” Hope joked. 

 

“Well you got the hot part.” Pinoe furiously wiggled her eyebrows. “I really don't know how you do it. I mean you're not that attractive.” Pinoe joked. 

 

“Hey, I don't know either. I can't believe how it all worked out.” Hope said. 

 

“How did that happen again?” Tobin asked as she pulled out her phone to text again. 

 

“Uh. I met her in LA.” 

 

“City of Angels! Capital of homeless people. So romantic.” Pinoe hugged herself. 

 

“Yes. Um, I was there meeting with my old goalkeeper coach, you guys know him, Paul?”

 

“Yeah, yeah! National team GK coach.” Tobin said. 

 

“Yeah so, I was down there to see him and the usual athletic staff was out there, usually some college athletic trainers and those that are interning and new hires and all of that. Justine was one of them and then we hit it off.” Hope said simply. 

 

“Yeah but how did convince her to go with you to France, you sly dog?” Pinoe asked. 

 

“Okay.. I didn't convince her to go for the purposes of sleeping with me.. I'm not horrible guys.” Hope rolled her eyes. “But I told her that OL might be looking for staff and that if she wanted, I could give a reference...” she took a swig of her beer 

 

“You cunning motherfucker. Charming them, flashing your big bad keeper connections. Let me guess. On the first date, you took her in that red car, the the whatchamacallit, the lambo.”

 

Hope took a sip of her beer in lieu of a response. 

 

“Man, HS. You're so textbook. I gotta take a page out of you.” Tobin said. 

 

“I don't know what that means, but whatever.” 

 

“Hey so.....” Tobin looked up from her phone. “Would you guys mind if we had some company come over..?”

 

“Christen?” 

 

Tobin nodded. 

 

“She can't stay away. I think it's my bod.” Pinoe offered. 

 

“Yes. Tell her to come. I need to talk to her about Aulus wanting her and Alex to play for them. I know she would never take it...but I gotta talk to her about it.”

 

“Don't you guys talk like everyday...?”

 

“I forget shit, okay? My fiancé is about to move in with me, so I'm sorry if I forgot to tell her about a club that she's never going to go for.”

 

“Why wouldn't she go for it?” Tobin asked. 

 

“Because she's already set on moving for the red stars. And.. Aulus has this whole media campaign to use Alex's name. He will probably mention Christen’s name once. I don't know. He's a little crazy.” Hope chuckled.

 

“Dude. They're like best friends now. It's so weird.” Tobin said. 

 

“That's because they spend all their time together. Talking about you.” Pinoe said. 

 

“Yeah, i don't know about that. But it's actually a really pleasant thing when both of your best friends get along. Especially since I spend eight months out of the year with them...”

 

“And you would think that by now, you would have gotten back with Christen..” Hope shook her head in mock disappointment. 

 

“It's been a journey, man. It's been a journey.” Tobin said with her wide grin. 

 

“Okay. I'm tired of this. I promised her I wouldn't talk to you about your guys’ relationship, but I'm going to break my promise.” Hope said. 

 

“She fucking loves you.” Tobin looked down, not sure of how to display the emotion that came bursting through. 

 

“Let me make this saga uncomplicated and ima just tell you that she's found herself in Sweden. I personally think it's the yoga. But regardless, she loves herself again. She loves futbol. She’s a World Cup champion, and olympic gold medalist. She is a different person from when she was in college. Stop all of this angsty shit and just tell her you love her and get this over with!” Hope yelled. 

 

“That’s really fucking rich, coming from you.” Pinoe said as she sipped her drink.

 

“What does that mean??”

 

“HS. You and Kelley are THE DEFINITION of complicated!” Tobin threw back.

 

Hope rolled her eyes.

 

“No we’re not. I’m getting married. Kelley and I are done. Why does this keep getting brought up??” Hope finished her beer.

 

“Whoa! A little feisty.” Pinoe said. “Are you sure you’re over it?”

 

“YES!”

 

“Are you sure-sure?”

 

“YES!”

 

“Okay.” Pinoe said simply. She downed her beer as well and looked to her side.

 

“Prove it.” Pinoe said with a cocked eyebrow.

 

“What are y-”

 

Hope turned her head at the sound of Tobin’s chair screeching from it’s legs scraping against the floor. She saw Tobin pop off her seat to give Christen an enthusiastic hug.

 

Then.

 

She saw Kelley.

 

Hope turned back to look at Pinoe with her devilish grin.

 

\--

 

“What is she doing her?” Tobin asked with widened eyes and clenched teeth as she hugged Christen.

 

“What do you think?” Christen said through a bright smile and a raised eyebrow.

 

“I thought you were here to see me, but now I’m starting to think that you’re playing matchmaker for O’Solo again.” Tobin said with a smirk.

 

“Maybeeee. I just like to create opportunities. Especially when we’re an hour away from you guys. Plus, that shit doesn’t take much. I don’t have to do anything and it will figure itself out. As long as Kelley doesn’t get drunk.” Christen added as they made their way back to the table.

 

“Then why would you take her to a bar?” Tobin asked as she shook her head.

 

“Because you’re here.” Christen said sweetly.

 

Something growled in Tobin’s chest.

 

\--

 

“Babe. Which cupboard do I put my mugs in?”

 

“Babe. I don't care. Whichever one you want.” Hope called out. She set down the millionth box that she had carried and huffed while her fiancé ran around her house like a mad woman unpacking everything. 

 

“Jus. What did we say? Just like 10 boxes. That's it. Remember?” Hope asked. 

 

“Yes. But I won't _feel_ at home if I don't unpack certain stuff. Remember?” She threw back. 

 

Hope brought her into her arms. 

 

“I'm supposed to make you feel at home.” She said in a low voice and whispered it into her ear. The shorter woman shivered at the sensation of Hope’s hot breath in her ear and brought her in closer. 

 

“God how did I get so lucky to have you in my bed every night.” Justine growled. 

 

“So lucky.” Hope added after she gave her a long kiss. “But we don't know _where_ we will be sleeping every night. So don't unpack everything.” Hope looped her finger around Justine’s belt loop, gave a little tug, kissed her silly, and then left her wanting more. 

 

“That's cruel, Solo.” Justine called out to Hope’s back. 

 

“So is making me carry all these boxes!” Hope called over her shoulder. 

 

\--

 

“Who taught you how to love?” Justine whispered.

 

“What do you mean?” Hope asked. They were both sitting on the couch with the shorter woman tucked underneath her arm, watching some show on Netflix. The two had finished moving all of the boxes from the truck that Hope had rented, and finished unpacking the designated amount of boxes that they _both_ felt was appropriate (they compromised on fifteen boxes).

 

“Who made you this way? Who taught you to love me this way? With snuggles and Netflix?” Justine softly asked.

 

“I uh..I don’t know.” Hope lied.

 

She knew exactly who taught her how to love.

 

“Tell me about your first kiss.”

 

“I’ve told you this story, no?” Hope asked. _I could have sworn i’ve told her._

 

“No.”

 

“Oh well, there’s not much of a story. It was just some girl in high school.” Hope shrugged and picked at the ends of the blanket that covered their intertwined legs.

 

“Tell me about her.”

 

\--

 

_*Two Days Ago*_

_“Kid, I know how this goes.” Hope whispered sadly as Kelley burrowed into her chest, underneath the layers of her jacket. She could feel the strong, familiar arms radiating comforting heat that contrasted the bitingly cold air that whipped through the bar’s alley that Kelley _insisted_ they go out to._

_Kelley put the keeper’s hands on her face._

_She let the whistle of the wind, the warmth in her cheeks, and the power of this retrouvailles, speak for itself. She silently watched the wall around Hope, dismantle._

_“I don’t want to lose the love I’ve found.” Kelley whispered._

_“With who? With Ann?” Hope asked bitterly. The keeper cursed herself for letting the fact that she still had not dealt with Kelley’s decision out in the open._

_“Stop.” Kelley gently pushed. “None of it matters if it isn’t the girl that matters.”_

_“Does she matter?”_

_They both knew who Kelley was referring to._

_“Kid, it’s been five years.” Hope said as she put Kelley’s hands down and cupped Kelley’s face. “What have we been doing for all this time?”_

_“Getting better for you.” Kelley said softly._

_Hope shook her head furiously._

__No. You can’t say that. You can’t say that you did the same thing I did for you. I put the time, the mileage, the red eyes, the missed games. I’m the one who flew out to California every month for three years, wanting to tell you that I could be the best for you. I trained for three years on the field right next to you, hoping that I would or could somehow tell you that I was the best me._ _

_“You’ve got a tight grip on reality.” Hope spat. “No. I moved on.” Hope said quickly and quietly._

_“No, you didn’t.” Kelley threw back, just as quickly._

_“Fuck you, kid.” Hope chuckled. “What makes you think you know me??”_

_“Who knows you better?” Kelley challenged. An O’Hara challenge. “You think your fiancé knows you better??”_

_“Kell, it’s been like a FUCKING DECADE since you’ve seen me on a daily basis!” Hope was a second from ripping Kelley’s eyes out. “Yeah! I’m DAMN SURE my fiancé knows me better.”_

_“I’ve known you your whole life.” Kelley growled. She intertwined her fingers with the woman before her. “I know that you’re going to let me do that.” They both looked down at their hands._

_“I know your mom, I know what your childhood bedroom looks like, I know what your niece sounds like when she giggles. I know what you smell like when you’re not wearing that Chanel crap that you have to endorse. I know how you learned how to make love. I KNOW what you tasted like back then, and that time isn’t going to change that I still have your virginity. THAT’S. STILL. MINE.” Kelley dug her finger in Hope’s chest to reflect the strength and the power of her words._

_“I may not know what coffee shop you go to everyday, but I do know what it feels like to make a 5am coffee run with you. I don’t know your friends, but I know how you interact with people. I don’t know what size shirt you wear now, but I know that you look _damn good_ in a stanford shirt.” Kelley breathed out._

_“I know that you haven’t forgiven me for California. And that you’re going to leave me here tonight, crying. But I also know that you’ve been going to LA for goalkeeper sessions with Paul. I know that you’ve been doing the same thing I’ve been doing. Trying to be the best you can be. I know how hard you work because I check in with Paul every month. I know that you were in Canada for the World Cup final. I know that you told Tobin not to tell me._

_“I know-” Kelley’s voice cracked. “I know what you look like when you’re heartbroken. I know what it feels like to break your heart. I know that I DON’T have to know her, to know that she can probably give you so many things that I can’t. And that she’s probably amazing, because you love her.” The familiar tears were pouring. “But she doesn’t know you. Not all of you. And that’s my fault._

_“Fuck Hope, I...I KNOW what it’s like to be without you. And that’s not something I can handle. Not anymore.” Kelley said with a sense of defeat._

_She looked at Hope’s hand covering her face and her eyes._

_“If you know all these things, then why did it take me committing to someone else for you to travel to see me?” Hope asked quietly. “Huh? Why not come to me?”_

_Hope put her hands in her hair._

_“YOU were supposed to tell me when you were ready.” Kelley pushed. “I WAITED AND WAITED for you to text me after the Champions Final.”_

_“Stop, Kell!” Hope warned._

_“That’s when you stopped seeing Paul.” Kelley said with a shake of her head. “Because you and I both knew.”_

_“Knew what?” Hope asked bitterly. She stepped away from the woman in front of her, too scared that her touch would give her away._

_“That’s when you hit your best. That was when. I know you.” Kelley said strongly._

_Hope slowly turned around to make her way back into the backdoor of the bar._

_“Don’t expect me to be okay with another woman on this earth being called by your last name.” Kelley called out to her back._

_**_

 

\--

 

“Babe, I have to sleep on the right side of the bed.” Justine said with a sweet smile.

 

Hope just stared at her beautiful fiancé in front of her with just a bra and underwear on. The sight of her bare skin was enough to satiate.

 

“And no fucking.” Justine warned. “I have to wake up at like 4 to have that interview to see if I get the job back in California.” She said as she quickly kissed a pouting Hope.

 

“Ugh fine.” Hope groaned. She pulled the covers aside. “I’ll just get ready to go to sleep without having sex on the first night that my fiancé moves in with me....”

 

Hope winked at her when Justine glared on.

 

“I’m just going to brush my teeth.” Hope said.

 

“Okay! I put mine next to yours in the cup!” Justine called out.

 

“What? Who do you think you are? Thinking you can just move in..” Hope smirked. “Now how am I going to know which one is mine??”

 

“They’re different colors, Solo.” Justine deadpanned.

 

“What color is yours?” Hope asked as she turned on the bathroom light. 

 

But she didn’t need to ask. She looked at the cup.  
Her chest seized.

 

“Blue.” Justine called out.

 

\--

 

“WHY? WHY?” Aulus shouted.

 

“Aulus, her contract is expiring. It’s time for her to pursue other opportunities.” Hope’s scrawny agent explained over a huge stack of papers and behind black rimmed glasses that made him seem important. Hope knew better.

 

“No-No-No-No. More money! I give. No problem!” He shouted.

 

Hope shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

 

“Sir, it’s not up to negotiation.” The agent explained. He shifted through his papers. “As much as Hope has enjoyed her time here with the amazing club, there are other opportunities overseas. One that money cannot compensate for.”

 

“No. Money is everything. How much?” Aulus countered. “I pay for accommodations. Friends, family. Done.”

 

They went back and forth for thirty more minutes, and Hope sat back in silence while two men talked about her fate. It was probably the thirtieth time that Aulus had said no, that Hope’s frustration had come to a boiling point.

 

“STOP!” Hope yelled. The two men breathed heavy from their argument, but they obeyed.

 

“Je vous remercie pour cette opportunité, je le fais pour des raisons personnel.” Hope said with certainty.

 

“Hope, I have to understand what is being said if you want a good deal.” Her agent pushed. She glared at him. He backed off.

 

“Why?” Aulus asked a little more quietly. They always had a good relationship and could tell that he could appreciate the french.

 

“Un fille.” Hope said simply.

 

Aulus couldn’t help the small smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

 

“Mon amour.” Hope said quietly.

 

“THAT.” Aulus slowly nodded his head in understanding. “Is everything.”

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched


	25. Relive the Glory Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you.” Hope would whisper every night. Because even though this was different, this was just as good as saying it to a girl that was miles and miles away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER YOU OPEN, GO BACK TO CH 24.

“Did you ever think that you’d be a defender?” Dani asked Kelley with a grin.

“No.” Kelley laughed as her and Dani sat in the grass and drank from their water bottles.

“Thanks, by the way. For all that you’ve done. I wouldn’t be able to do half the shit I’m trying to do now without your direction.” Kelley said quietly.

“No problem, O’Hara. I love helping my teammates out.” Dani said with a smile.

“I can’t believe I hated you back in the day.” Dani laughed as a response.

“When? When you were a wee one back in high school?” Dani waved her arms around at Kelley’s old stomping grounds, the fields of her old high school.

“Yes!” Kelley squirted her with her bottle. “I fucking hated you! I thought you were trying to steal my girlfriend.”

“Ex-girlfriend.” Dani corrected with a smirk.

Kelley shook her head.

“It’s so weird to think of her as my ex-girlfriend.” Kelley said in disbelief. “But I guess she’s been that longer than she’s been my girlfriend.”

They both laid down and looked up at the sun beaming down on them.

“Are you going to be okay, O’Hara?” Dani asked quietly.

Kelley blew out a raspberry.

“She’s getting married, Dans. Fucking married.”

Dani nodded her head, even though she knew Kelley couldn’t see her from her angle.

“I don’t know. Maybe I have to just let her go. After all of these years.” Kelley said quietly. “I just...I have to just stop being so selfish and let her be happy.”

“Because I love her.” Kelley bitterly added.

\--

“When are you coming back home??” Kelley squealed. “We only have three more weeks left before camp and I’m tired of you being out in Tyresö, Paris, being a fucking renaissance lady, because I need my CP!”

Kelley heard Christen grunt, and a bunch of weird noises in the background.

“Why are you back at your parents house?” Christen asked in disbelief. “You know you can buy a house there already right?”

“Waste of money.”

“Fine. Just open your door then.” Christen moaned.

Kelley’s eyes widened. She let the spoonful of cookie dough in her mouth fall onto her lap.

“Wait..”

“Kelley. Open your freaking door.” Christen said.

Kelley O’Hara never sprinted down her stairs faster.

\--

“Are you and Tobin finally back together? Did you guys get engaged? Did you see Shirley? Oooo I wish I was there to see that!!”

Christen chuckled.

“No. No. Yes. And it was pretty exciting. She pushed Tobin off of her so hard when she accidentally fouled her.”

“Accidentally” Kelley motioned with her fingers.

“So, are the lovebirds back together? They’re annoying when they aren’t together..” Kelley rolled her eyes.

“Yes, but it’s equally annoying when they get together after years. I had to room with Ali once.” It was Christen’s time to roll her eyes. “I kept walking in on them. I had to resort to sleeping in Kling’s room.”

\--

Christen stroked Kelley’s hair when she snuggled up to her on the couch.

“What’s up with you?” She whispered.

Silence.

Kelley just further nuzzled into the crook of her best friend’s neck.

“I let it happen.”

Christen wasn’t surprised by the wet spot on the collar of her shirt that was quickly forming where Kelley’s face was. Because it was like they were sixteen again, Christen reassembling the broken pieces.

\--

Heath Bar: Have you talked to Hope? I think she deleted all of her social accounts. [6:45pm]

CP: Last I talked to her, she said Justine got the job in California. But haven’t heard much from her. [6:52pm]

Heath Bar: Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay. How are you and Kelley doing back home? [6:53pm]

CP: Sorry, I haven’t been by my phone. Kelley has been taking shots on me. Trying to let out some of her sadness. [8:03pm]

Heath Bar: Don’t apologize. I gotcha. My mom said to drop by. She said that she’ll pick up the ‘gift’ you got me. What is it????????? [8:05pm]

CP: Don’t ask. Just wait. It’s worth it. [9:06pm]

CP:Is it totally irresponsible if I let Kelley drink? [10:24pm]

CP: You’re probably slleeaping. Goodnigt no JEsus talk Heath bar. [12:02am]

CP:drunk. [2:45am]

\--

Hope sat down with her palms on her bedsheets, and looked into her familiar, now empty, bedroom closet in her childhood room.

“Holy shit. I’m back here.” Hope said out loud to herself.

“Feels weird, huh?” Marcus’ voice suddenly from her doorway.

“Yeah.” Hope breathed out.

“Feel small compared to your mansion?” He chuckled.

“Nah, just...painful.” She whispered.

“After all this time?” He asked in disbelief.

“Dad used to live here. This is where you and I used to be close.” She said sadly.

“Well, let’s change that.” He said quietly.

“Hopey!” A blonde child ran into the room.

“Munchkin!” Hope yelled. She brought the little girl into her arms, twirled her around, and then mobbed her with kisses into her face.

“Hopey! Can I sleep with you in your room??” Amelia asked while Hope held her closely.

“Of course, little one! But you must be special, because I only let the people I love sleep in my room!” Hope said emphatically.

“That’s what Aunty Kelley tells me.” Amelia smiled.

“..What?” Hope asked. She tilted her head to the side and searched her little niece’s face.

Marcus coughed.

“Aunty Kelley and I always sleep in your room! First we watch a movie, then we brush our teeth, and then she takes me out there,” Amelia pointed at the window, “and she reads me a story. My favorite is this little book she made with my crayons for me awhile ago. Wanna see it??” 

The little girl jumped out of Hope’s lap and ran over to her desk, where there were in fact a lot of crayons and drawings that she hadn’t noticed previously.

Hope met Marcus’ eyes.

_Did you know?_

Marcus nodded without her asking out loud. He slowly turned and left the room, wanting to give the important women in his life some time together.

Hope took the stacks of computer paper folded in half that were stapled together into a little booklet. She read the cover:

‘THE GIRL WITH THE RED AND WHITE GLOVES’

By: Kelley O’Hara

She ran her fingers over the perfect lines that were drawn by Kelley’s hand. She looked at the perfectly configured drawing of a girl that had a jersey with the number one on it and with a brown ponytail. And fitting of the title, the girl on the cover had some red and white goalie gloves on, just like the ones she wore in high school. Just like the ones that were hanging on her bedpost. 

“Do you know who that girl is?” Amelia asked.

“Yeah. She’s the keeper.” Hope said softly.

“Well she’s the best in the world! Here let read you the story!” Amelia, without permission, grabbed Hope’s hand and dragged her out the window.

\--

The familiar beaten path, the familiar ditch, the familiar parking lot. All too familiar for the aging Hope Solo.

Her sneakers kissed the pristine grass of her old high school fields and she breathed in the cool 6am air. She recalled back in the day how the run from her house to her school would leave her breathless and tired. She was happy to know that the training she received had done something. She had hardly broke a sweat.

“Coming back to relive the glory days, huh?” A voice sounded off behind her.

She laughed.

“Of course. It’s when I peeked.” She joked, and then turned around to see a much older looking Adam Wright with a stack of cones in his hands and a bag of balls over his shoulder, and a bunch of boys in tow.

“Boys, go set up. Gotta catch up with this legend here.”

“Coach, is that Hope Solo?” A boy asked with his mouth wide open.

“Yeah, Rob. Close your mouth.”

“But she’s so hot.” He said.

“Hey!” Adam barked. “Show some respect. You think that you can just talk about a woman like that?”

The boy quickly wised up.

“I’m so sorry ma'am!” He quickly disappeared into the crowd of boys that Adam barked at to go quickly set up.

“Sorry.” He said quietly.

Hope chuckled.

“So you’re coaching? Here? Can’t stay away from the glory days, huh?” Hope asked with a smirk.

“Can’t stay away.” He said with a big smile.

“Anyways, what are you doing back here?” Adam asked with genuine interest.

“Well, it’s a secret, Wright. But..I guess I can tell you since we both know how good you are at keeping secrets.”

She didn’t know if she meant that or not.

“Ouch!” He said as he mocked a bullet to the heart. “But, I deserve that.” He said sincerely.

She regarded him.

_It’s time._

“Nah. That was like ten years ago.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t seen me since you left that killer shiner on my face. Kudos, by the way.”

He fist bumped her.

“So whatcha doing here, Solo?”

“I moved back.” He looked at her with raised eyebrows. “Permanently.”

“Well...that’s good right..? No? I heard you got engaged! Congratulations!” He said excitedly.

“Yeah.. who’d you hear that from?” Hope asked with a furrowed brow.

“Oh, I heard it from O’Hara.”

Maybe it was because of the familiar roads and shops and houses. Maybe because it all provided her a familiar backdrop of first love and first heartbreak and raw jealousy, but she couldn’t help but think:

_Seriously? They still talk?_

“So you uh...you still talk to Kelley?”

Hope noticed the way Adam turned around, his attention pulled away from her.

“Nah, not since the college days.” He said simply. “O’Hara LET’S GO!!” He yelled.

Hope turned around to see a lanky, tall boy with freckles, a sharp jaw, and a pair of devastatingly beautiful honey brown eyes sprinting out of the locker room door.

He skidded to a halt when he saw Hope.

\--

“O’Hara quit standing there and move your ass!” Adam barked.

He shook his head when the boy continued to stare Hope straight in the eye.

“I’m sorry. They get all weird when they see a pretty lady. Anyways..” Adam turned to her. “Does weirdo’s sister know you’re here?” He nodded towards the very still boy.

“No...” Hope didn’t dare break the contact with the boy. “Don’t tell her either, no one knows..”

“Sure thing. Hey Hope?” She finally broke away and looked at Adam.

“I’m sorry. It’s been a long time, but I’m sorry. And for what’s it worth, and I don’t know if it’s much anymore, but KO really loved you.” He said softly. “Even in college, I could tell. She functioned differently when you weren’t around.”

Hope nodded.

“Thanks.”

Adam nodded and jogged his way to the fields.

Hope turned around to find a pair of brown eyes that looked just like Kelley, looking back at her.

\--

“What’s up little man?” Hope asked.

A deep chuckle escaped the boy.

“I’m not little anymore, Hope.”

A little pang in the keeper’s chest pierced her.

“Holy shit, your voice is so deep now! And you’re taller than your sister, now! Fuck, kid you’re a heartbreaker now!” Hope yelled excitedly as she ran her fingers through the beard on his face.

Jerry smiled at her.

“You’ve-you. You’re so different now!” Hope said with her eyes filled with wonder as she drank in the effects of time.

“It’s just the beard.” He joked

Hope smiled brightly.

“How are you? H-h-how are things? I see you’re on the team!”

“Yep.” Jerry said with a small smile. “Things have been..alright! School sucks. Calculus sucks.” Hope nodded at that. “Uhhh. I’ve been getting in trouble with my mom a lot lately.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s a fucking basket case.” He rolled his eyes. “Been on my case a lot. She wants me to go to Stanford and i’m like ‘no.’ I told her that I wanted to be a coach, and she said I was just trying to be Coach Wright. But I don’t want to go college. I mean, I can play for the community college here or whatever, but Coach Wright says that I can shadow him. So I don’t know. My mom’s crazy. ”

Hope chuckled.

“I mean, you didn’t go to college. Look how good you’re doing. I told my mom that.”

Hope cringed. “I’m guessing that argument didn’t work.”

“No! She just started comparing me to her ‘golden child.’”

“Erin?” Hope asked.

“No, Kelley. It’s fucking annoying.” Jerry said with a frustrated tone.

“Ah.” Hope offered, a little confused.

“Anyways, I heard you’re engaged.” Jerry said quietly. 

“You did, huh?” Hope asked with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, Kell-Bell told me.” He looked down at his cleats. “She was pretty upset. I had to pick her up two weeks ago when she got drunk and I had to pick her and Christen up at the GVFC fields at like three in the morning. I don’t know why she was there.”

Hope ran her fingers through her ponytail.

“I’m...sorry you had to do that.” Hope said quietly.

“She still loves you, Hope.” He said, even quieter.

The keeper looked away.

“So uh..don’t tell your sister I was here. Please. I’ll talk to her when I’m...ready. Sound good?”

Jerry nodded.

“Thanks bud. What uh-but enough about your golden child sister. What’s up with you? Girlfriend?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

He let out the deep toned chuckle again.

“Yeah.”

“You stud. I swear, you O’Hara’s are freaking heartbreakers. Good looking bunch.” Hope said with a smirk.

“Yeah well, you can still take the O’Hara last name. Unfortunately Ella is married now.”

“Shucks.” Hope said.

“But, Erin always says that she would marry you in a heartbeat. Only girl she’d go gay for.” Jerry said with a thumbs up.

“Your sister.” Hope shook her head. “Is the only straight girl I would marry.” 

Jerry laughed.

“O’HARA LET’S GO!!” Adam yelled from afar.

“Gotta go. I uh. I missed you, or whatever.” Jerry said quietly.

The keeper would take it. It didn’t matter if this teenager boy was trying to be nonchalant and cool because his smile was so big and she could see his little boy smile.

“Hey wait, tell me about this girlfriend of yours?” Hope asked quickly.

“Um..” Jerry walked backwards towards the fields. “What do you want to know?” He called out.

“The most important thing about her!” She called back.

He thought about it for a second.

“She’s a goalkeeper!” He yelled.

\--

Hope felt the panic that had rattled her bones when she first landed, seep out of her skin. The familiar roads were starting to bring her comfort, instead of pain. For fuck’s sake. She was a grown ass woman now. The sight of that ditch, the one that started it all brought a smile to her face.

Even the crestfallen face that Coach Jill wore when she ran into her at the grocery store was starting to give her a spring in her step.

“Don’t act like you were responsible for my success.” Hope spat at her while they stood next to the avocados.

\--

Hope and her mom laughed loudly when she unsuccessfully tried to flip the blueberry pancake in the pan in her hand.

“You didn’t finish school, you can’t cook. What can you offer the girl you’re going to marry?” Judy said through the cackle that escaped from her mouth.

With a straight face, Hope gathered some flour from it’s bag and flicked into her mother’s face as a response.

A playful food fight ensued.

“I can offer my future wife my hot bod. That’s about it, mom.” Hope said with a laugh as she took a bite from her pancake.

“Nah. You’re the strongest woman I know.” Judy said warmly. “You’ll protect her.”

Hope turned to reach for the bag of sugar, but not before she wiped away the tear that escaped her left eye.

\--

Hope’s heart rested easy every night when she turned on her side and looked at the third girl that had captured her heart. She brought her in closer, protecting her with her embrace and watched her niece’s chest heave up and down as she breathed.

“I love you.” Hope would whisper every night. Because even though this was different, this was just as good as saying it to a girl that was miles and miles away.

\--

CP: I gave you the allotted amount of time to leave you alone. It’s time to text me back [10:00am]

Hope looked down at her phone as she skidded to a halt and her heart beat through her chest. She ripped the headphones out of her ear and put her one hand on her hip and looked out on the road.

_Fuck._

CP: If you don’t respond to me in 2 hours time, I may just kill you. [10:01am]

_How does she always fucking know everything?_

HS: Can I call you later tonight. I promise. [10:03am]

CP: Fine. But I’m serious. I will kill you. [10:03am]

Hope started her walk to the rest of the way home. 

_IF she knows, that means Kelley knows I’m here. Fuck._

*HONK HONK*

The keeper jumped at the sound of a horn right behind her.

The dreadful sight of a 2016 baby blue beamer graced her eyes.

\--

Man, did she fucking hate that car. For everything it stood for and everything it had done to her. Her hand, her heart, and her childhood. After all of these years, after all of the luxurious cars she’s been in, this one. This fucking one. It was old at this point, but seeing it a few yards away from her gave her fleeting flashbacks. Ones that used to bring her cruel nightmares. Because no matter how many times you may have detailed that car, in Hope’s eyes, you could never get rid of the mess that was made of both her and Kelley’s lives in there.

She watched as the tinted window rolled down.

“Karen?”

“Hope. I was hoping to run into you.”

_Really? Because you could have fucking fooled me._

“Oh. Um...” Hope nervously rolled the headphones around her phone. “What’s uh..What’s up?”

“C-Can I...Can I give you a ride home?” Karen asked. The nerves were showing on her face and in the shakiness in her voice.

“Umm..” Hope looked right and left. Hoping that some magical excuse would walk up to her.

“Sure.” Hope said after an awkward amount of time without give a response.

The keeper felt the old leather against her thighs and arms, and she looked at Karen and then quickly turned away when the older woman put the car in drive.

“So, you drive this car now?” Hope attempted to make small talk. 

“Yeah.” Karen said.

Silence.

_Well this is going to go great._

\--

Karen parked the car in front of Hope’s house and looked out at Judy playing with a little blond child in the front yard. Hope, thankful that this agonizingly painful ride home was over and that she could slam her head in the door to get rid of the this awkward memory with her and Karen riding in baby blue in complete silence.

“Hope.” Karen said softly when Hope put her hand on the door handle. “Can I just say something?”

“Uh..Sure.”

_Please don’t._

“I heard you were back in town from my son. Don’t worry I didn’t tell Kelley. Um..I also heard about the engagement.” The keeper’s hand fell from the door handle. “I wanted to say ‘Congratulations’ but..I also wanted to say that you’re making the biggest mistake.”

_Here we fucking go..._

“I know it’s been awhile. I know she’s made mistakes, but my daughter was made for you. God made her for YOU.” She said strongly.

_What..._

“I made some mistakes with Kell-Bell back in the day. I pushed her to be something she wasn’t. I got scared and took it out on her.” Karen paused. The younger woman could tell that she had prepared this speech. “And..I took her away from you. Which...was one of the biggest mistakes I made as a parent. And..it took me a long time to realize..that she’s my daughter. That I love her. That she’s.. Amazing.” Karen breathed out.

She looked back up at Hope.

“And if there’s any chance that you can forgive me for..for..taking, quite possibly the best thing in this world, which is your first love, away from you...then that would settle an old woman’s regretful heart.” Karen looked down at her lap. Hope looked down at her own.

“I don’t know this Justine woman, but I DO KNOW that my daughter has so much more left to give you. I’m sorry. To you and to her, if you have nothing else to give her. But I just wanted you to know, that I’m sorry.”

The familiar silence followed. 

The two of them looked out the window at the sight of Judy looking over her shoulder, curiously trying to see who was in that familiar car, while she swung Amelia around.

Hope grabbed Karen’s hand.

“I forgive you.” Hope said with a small smile.

\--

“How long have you been there?” Christen whispered through the phone.

“Couple of weeks.” Hope said simply.

“Can you not do this again? I mean, I thought you and I were past this.” Her tone was sad.

“Chris. I just wasn’t ready, please!” Hope begged with frustration

“Fine.”

“No! Stop, Christen.” Hope sighed into the phone. 

“Stop complicating things, Solo.” Christen said softly. 

\--

“Who you talking to Stanford?” Kelley yelled from her seat at the insanely competitive card game that was taking place in her hotel room.

“Kell, that's not effective if you went to the same school.” Christen said with narrowed eyes. 

“True. I'm smart. So stop avoiding my question and answer it. BOOM!” She yelled out when she placed down a card on the table. All of her teammates groaned when she turned it upside down. 

“I swear. She's Justin Bieber man. Too good at everything.” Kling mumbled. 

Kelley shot her a smirk before she turned to Christen. The forward hugged her best friend from behind and whispered, “let's talk about it later.” 

Kelley looked up at her with saddened eyes and all the forward could do was hope that her embrace could soothe the heartstrings that were beginning to rip slowly in the now-defender’s chest. 

“Later.” Christen squeezed her shoulder before she sat down to join the table. 

“When am I going to get my gift??” Tobin whined. 

“You're mom has it.” Christen chided. “Stop bringing it up or I'll tell her to destroy it.”

Tobin pouted. 

“But CP, I'm just saying if you knew that you were going to see me, then why not just hold onto it so that I-”

“That's it. I'm telling Channing to pick it up.” Christen picked up her phone, undoubtedly to instruct her little sister. 

“No fair.” Tobin pouted again. 

“Patience is a virtue, Tobs. A fucking virtue.” Kelley said. She gently placed another card down. 

“Oh, fuck you KO!!” Morgan Brian called out when she turned over the card. 

\--

Kelley ran up the 18 and let her instinct take over and she lifted both feet off of the ground and went sailing down the turf. She made contact with Alex’s cleat and jumped up when her teammate had sprinted away from her with the ball. 

“KO get your ass back! Becky step!” Dani yelled. The defender saw from her retreated view, a sight of Dani dive for a ball that hit the back of the net. 

_You're a fucking menace in the backline. Why the fuck are you here?_

“Fuck!” Kelley yelled out in frustration. 

“Shake it off!” Dani yelled at her from in between the goal posts. “You're not here to feel sorry for yourself, O’Hara!”

They did it over and over again. Put Kelley through this torturous drill over and over again. Pounded into her body and into her psyche broke her down to hopefully build her back up. 

She laid down in the turf and soaked up the sun as the exhaustion flowed down in her veins. 

“Good thing Coppertone sponsors you.” Aaron, their media guy chuckled from above her. 

“Yeah. They're the only reason I'm allowed out.” Kelley threw back. 

“You ready to do that interview, KO?” He asked. 

“Eh. Why not?”

She accepted his hand and let him pull her up. He grabbed a towel to let her use to wipe her face and she sat and let her heart beat slow as they put her in a zip up US training pullover. 

“Nervous?”

“Pshhh.” Kelley waved him off. 

“Right. This is like the millionth video I've made you do. You're a vet.” He smiled. 

“Exactly Aaron, thank you. Someone appreciates my tenure.”

“Oh Kelley. So usual starter questions. Fluff and then some usual filler for the off season and about the new NWSL league. Sound good?”

She gave him a thumbs up. Fixed her hair, and then relaxed when the red light on the camera came on. 

“How are you?”

Kelley chuckled. “I'm doing well. How are you Aaron?”

“Splendid. I'm here with Kelley O’Hara. The converted forward from Stanford, World Cup champion, Olympic gold medalist, and current member of the US Women’s National Team.”

“Woohoo!” Kelley gave herself her own celebration. 

“Kelley, how has off year training been for you so far?”

“It's been good. It's been hard, trying to transition to a completely new position on the field, but uh you know, I have the best teammates in the world. Some of the best soccer players in the world that have my back so, I'm confident in my ability and my support that I'll be able to become an integral part of the backline.”

“Who has been the most helpful in your transition?”

“Um, well. Mostly everyone has been supportive, but Dani Rathers has been my rock back there. It's funny because, i'm not used to taking orders from a goalkeeper, on the field that is, and now I've gotten so used to hearing her voice in my head 24/7. Um, also Carli Lloyd. She's just such a player. You're learn the game when you have to learn how to defend someone like her.”

“So your fellow teammate, Christen Press, let us in on the fact that you and Carli used to be enemies. Is that correct?”

Kelley smiled. 

“Of course, Christen told you guys that. But yes, one time, I got ejected from a game because of my persistence in not-so-nicely taking the ball from her. That's all I will say.”

“Is it safe to say you guys are good now?”

“Yes.” Kelley said with a chuckle. “We have this relationship that goes beyond professional, mutual respect. Uh, she's been there for me on and off the field. So yes, FIFA player of the year and I get along great.” 

“So what is the tone and the mission for you and the rest of the team now that you're at the beginning and restart of the World Cup cycle?”

“It's all about gearing up for the new league, the NWSL. So many of us are just excited to begin the second year and launch it off the ground. With the exposure from the big events, we feel like we can carry the momentum of the fan base interest on our shoulders, and perform and hopefully, grow the American game.”

“Describe the team's feelings in essentially beginning this really new league.”

“I think there is a little nerves in beginning this new league. The women have seen a number of leagues fold, no doubt about that. But there's mostly just a sense of excitement. Um, I've been super thankful for my time out in LA with the Sol and all I got to learn from the group of players that I met from different countries. I got to expand my futbol knowledge when I played alongside Marta.. so yeah, I think all of us are just ready to begin and have more experiences like the one I just described.”

“Speaking of growing the American game, what are your thoughts on the player turnover and injection of youth into the roster and camps?”

“I think it's necessary in order for our program to be number one, like it's always been. And I'm glad that this league is specifically set up for USSF to look at this pool of players that they may not have have initially. So it's exciting stuff.”

“How do you feel about the upcoming retirements?”

“There are upcoming retirements?” Kelley looked at Aaron in the eye. 

“Uh...” Aaron covered the microphone that was clipped to his collar. 

“Scratch that.” He wordlessly mouthed to her. 

“No, what the fuck Aaron?” Kelley pushed with widened eyes. 

He face palmed. 

“I'll edit that out.” 

“Who's retiring??” Kelley asked again. 

“Shhh. We are still rolling. Compose yourself.” Aaron pleaded. Kelley glared at him, but then shook her head to restart. 

“Speaking of growing the American game, how do you feel about the breaking news that superstar Hope Solo has signed with Seattle?”

Time stopped. For just a second. Her eyes glazed over. 

“What?”

“Your thoughts on Hope Solo coming back to America?”

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Wretched.


	26. The Girl with the Red and White Gloves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because if she really thought about it, Kelley was able to have this closure. She was able to roam this town after the explosion and let her heart heal on its own clock. Hope wasn't able to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STOP RIGHT NOW!!!! GO BACK TO CH 24 IF THIS IS THE FIRST CHAPTER YOU OPEN UP. THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER!!!!!!!
> 
> Endings are never good enough. It's all about the journey.

\--

 

Christen unlocked the door to childhood home and waited for the pitter patter of the dog’s claws on the hardwood floor, and the eventual mobbing of the beasts. Her and Tobin were not let down. Her heart leaped at the sight of the newly acquired best friends that Tobin had surprised her and most importantly, her mom, with. Because they were going to spending the majority of their time here.

 

“I love them so much, I can just eat their faces!” Christen screamed in delight while the two dogs licked her faces.

 

Tobin loved dogs, but her face glowed and she jumped up in excitement at the sight of a rectangular gift that was wrapped in gift paper, that was in Channing’s hands.

 

“Gimme gimme gimme!” Tobin ran over to her favorite sister.

 

“Hold on, Heath.” Christen warned.

 

Tobin glared at her.

 

“Before you open it, I have to tell you the backstory on it because this gift is an early early release, must keep it a secret. I even told Channing that I would have to genuinely kill her if she told anyone.” Christen said with a stern tone.

 

“Fine.” Tobin said hurriedly.

 

When Christen nodded, Tobin excitedly tore the paper off.

 

She looked down at the video game in her hand. FIFA.

 

But it had Alex on the cover, right next to Messi.

 

“Whoa..” Tobin breathed out. “What is this...?”

 

“I gotta a friend who played at Stanford who works over at EA. She wasn’t supposed to tell me about the concept, and the fact that it was going to go into production...but she did. It’s going to be released in December of this year.” Christen said with a huge smile that split her face in half.

 

But Tobin’s expression was different. She looked down at it with a serious face. Her girlfriend couldn’t tell if it was because she was confused, speechless, or disappointed in the gift.

 

“Babe, it’s okay if you don’t like i-”

 

“No.” Tobin put her hands in her face. “I love it, Chris. I just...”

 

Christen quickly took her in her arms when she realized that Tobin was crying.

 

“Baby! What the fuck? I want you to be happy. What is this?”

 

“I’m just so fucking...we did it...we made it.” Tobin held Christen’s gaze.

 

“We did, babe. We did.”

 

Christen took the CD out of the box and then loaded it in.

 

“Oh, by the way, guess how many stars you have rated for your skills?” Christen asked with a devilish grin.

 

The smile on Tobin’s face was brighter than the sun.

 

 

\--

 

 

“You know, this day was going to come eventually.” Hope could hear the smirk on Dani’s face through the tone on the receiver. “I have a kid. And as much as I love seeing Kelley run around and be kids with them instead of babysitting, my girl has no friends at school and there is no way i’m leaving my husband to take care of her, primarily.”

 

“I know. I know. I support you. I just...”

 

“Stop, stop. I'm done feeding your ego. Been doing it for years. You already know how to be the best.”

 

“It's just been a long time, Dans. I-I went on this path as a kid. A fucking kid! I made this decision to stay away from the American game and from-”

 

“Kelley.” Dani quietly interrupted.

 

“Yes from her. And so now I'm just supposed to come in the middle of it now and shake things up?? Keeper is such an irreplaceable figure in the back, it can mess with chemistry and flow and-”

 

“Dude. Just shut up. Because I'm tired and I just got home and I'm about to open the door to see my girl.”

 

“Fine.” Hope grumbled.

 

“Stand by your choices. Stand by your decisions. But also, stand by your ability. I'm done with the traveling and the training for now. I'm tired. I want to be able to see my baby girl everyday. And I'm okay with stepping down if that means that for this next match coming up, that the true number one is going step on for me. Okay missy.” Dani took in a huge breath.

 

“I'm going to hang up. Because this is the last conversation I'm going to have with you on this subject. I'm opening my door. Bye!”

 

Hope rolled her eyes but the small smile was forming. She shook her head, put her phone on the side of her and let her legs hang off of the edge of roof. She inhaled the night and the rustling of the wind and quietness of the world. The keeper recalled the feeling of walking down the streets in the silence with a certain freckled squirrel who would bounce around and pull on her shirt, and not shut up. That was the best part of the day as a teenager.

 

It was consolatory. To know that she could live in the skin and walk these streets, think of Kelley, and continue to breath. In and out.

 

Because if she really thought about it, Kelley was able to have this closure. She was able to roam this town after the explosion and let her heart heal on its own clock. Hope wasn't able to do that. Nothing had stopped her to come back to her hometown, but there was just enough miles and bitterness in between to dissuade her from facing her fears. Because it was a fear. A fear conceived in her teenage mind, of not being able to survive. A superstar not being able to survive where she came from, because it wreaked of juvenile failures and embarrassment. And of course, heartbreak.

 

But as she sat here, on the roof of her old home, with her belly full of good food cooked by her loving mother, encouraging words from her idol buzzing in her ear, and the warmth of her family on her skin, she was sure, that this fear was conquered.

 

“It's weird to know that he owns that house now.” Marcus called out as he climbed through the window. He took the spot right next to her.

 

“Adam owns that house he grew up in?”

 

“Yeah. I talked to him a few years ago when I came back to visit mom. I think it's totally weird.”

 

“Yeah. Did you punch him again?” Hope chuckled.

 

“Nah. Figured I'd try to be a role model for my two kids. But I wanted to.” He smiled.

 

“Where is the older one? Too cool to come back?” Hope joked.

 

“Yeah... girls in high school are a fucking nightmare. I just don't understand her. Too much attitude.”

 

That really got Hope. She was doubled over in laughter.

 

“It's normal, Marc. Remember us?”

 

“I don't want to remember.” He said with strength.

 

“True, true.” Hope added. They let the easiness of their company permeate the ambience.

 

“You're little monster is amazing. She has me in the palm of her hand.” Hope said softly. “You did good.”

 

Marcus smiled.

 

“Yeah I think that I made it in life.”

 

“You know, I was always so scared that you were going to be a deadbeat.”

 

He looked her straight in the eye.

 

“So did I.” He said.

 

“You did something right. You made that little monster who is passed out in my bed.”

 

“She won't shut up about you!” He said with disbelief.

 

“I know how to charm a lady.” Hope smirked. “No but she’s got me wrapped around her finger. She got me to buy her an expensive jasmine style dress. I don't know how I walked away with a 400$ princess dress with her pulling me by the hand.”

 

“Whipped.” Marcus smirked.

 

“Oh yeah.” Hope admitted.

 

“You know dad would have loved her.” Marcus said quietly.

 

_He would have._

 

“Dad would have been proud of both of us.” She said. The tears were starting to well, but she held them back.

 

“Well I'm proud of you. Of all of it. All of the decisions.” He offered.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yeah. For punching that little shit, for making the absolute best out of being a high school dropout. I actually think it's hilarious that I have more education than you!” Marcus laughed. The sister swatted him in the arm.

 

“But seriously. You're the epitome of a hard worker. Building the best out of some shitty decisions. That's life. Can't regret any decision, because you ended up here.” He said simply.

 

She smiled gratefully at him. No one had ever phrased her life quite so effectively.

 

“So when are you heading out? What's the schedule?”

 

“Uh.. heading out to Seattle in two weeks. Will post up there for a few months. Pia said she wants to see me in a few NWSL matches. Said that it's more the American style of play. But that I ‘tentatively’ have an invite to the next camp. She didn't want to promise anything, but that if I perform, I might be able to get my first cap in Dani’s retirement game. The number two is too young. I have a good shot in beating her out for now. But the game is like in a few months. So we will see how that goes.”

 

“Cool cool. So uh..when is the wedding?” Marcus asked with an edge.

 

Hope rolled her eyes.

 

“Marcus...we talked about this.” Hope warned. “I don't know.”

 

“You picked up you life and moved across the fucking world.” Marcus said with strength. “Make it happen, Keep. It's time ”

 

“I know.” Hope whispered.

 

“Gotta get over that fear of being happy with her. Because you can be.” He said softly.

 

Hope nodded. She understood. She had gotten over her fear of being back, and now it was time to battle her biggest monster. To let herself love and be loved. To stitch back the old wounds and move on. It was overdue.

 

_I'm not a kid anymore._

 

So it was time. To put her big girl pants pants on and to let it all go.

 

“Thanks, Marc.” She whispered.

 

“No problem.” Equally as soft.

 

They both looked down into the street at the sound a of crunch of a leaf.

 

“I uh, I'm going to get the little terror and have her sleep in my room. She's a snorer right?”

 

“Right.” Hope caught her breath in her chest, but she didn't take her eyes off of the figure standing in her driveway. She felt Marcus’ hand on her the shoulder on his way back through the window. But all of her senses, all of them, were devoted to the woman standing below her, looking up at her.

 

“I heard you were in town.” Kelley called up.

 

Hope nodded.

 

“You look thrilled to see me.” Kelley said with a smirk.

 

“The door’s unlocked.” Hope said. She signaled Kelley to come up with her index finger.

 

\--

 

Hope let the rough texture of the shingles on the roof rub and catch on the thin layer of the Nike jacket she had on and she laid down on her back and looked up at the stars with Kelley sitting next to her.

 

“Why are you here?” Kelley whispered.

 

The keeper took a minute to think about her words.

 

“You know, I had a long time to think about the answer to the question when Amelia wasn't dragging me across the town, making me buy her shit.” Hope smirked.

 

“I think that when I leave a place on my choosing, it’s either because I'm falling in love, or I'm falling apart.”

 

Kelley looked down at her hands in her lap of crossed legs. Her knees were touching the keeper’s silky smooth tights, but she wasn't too sure how close she was allowed to be to this woman before her. But Hope didn't flinch, didn't pull away from the subtlest of touches that they both were aware of.

 

“So which one was it this time?” Kelley quietly asked.

 

“Falling in love.” Hope said. She looked up at the stars, didn't acknowledge the smallest movement of Kelley's legs so that they were no longer connected by skin, and she folded her hands over her stomach and the little object that was stuffed in her pocket, resting right on top of her belly button.

 

“I'm...I.. I just want you to be happy, Hope.”

 

Hope looked up to see Kelley's expression and could see the pain that wracked the features of her face.

 

“I was just upset last time I saw you. Because-because I was trying to hard to be the best person for you on and off the field all of these years. Because I just had to find out why I felt like I wasn't good enough.” Kelley rushed out. She heaved a big sigh.

 

“What do you mean?” Hope grabbed one of Kelley's hand and gave it a squeeze.

 

“Last time in California, I don't think I was ready. I guess before I saw you, I felt that I had grown up and that I had learned my lesson and I had become this totally different person that you could be proud of, but..” She put Hope’s hand in between her own two hands and ran her fingers over the callouses. “I saw you and, I realized I was wrong.” She finished quietly.

 

“You and I both know that who we are on and off the field are equally as important. Down to the core. And your disappointment in me was such a driving force on it, but a fucking...impairment.. off of it.”

 

Hope let Kelley's words hit her right in the chest.

 

“And it affected the way I loved Ann, and the way I loved myself and all this other shit. And no matter how fucked in the head I was, I knew that I couldn't give you.. that. I had to figure out how to find that..drive.. outside of what Hope Solo’s disappointment could do for me. I had to figure out how to play and live not based on your disappointment, but on the potential that you could love me again. When... I was me.” Kelley chuckled.

 

“I don't know if that makes sense.” Kelley rushed.

 

“It does.” Hope said softly as she watched Kelley draw circles in her palm.

 

“But..I love you. I'm in love with you. And for some reason I thought that you would understand what I was trying to do. I guess I'm not good at explaining shit.” They both smiled at each other.

 

“And I forgot that you were living your life, too. I didn't think that someone else could make you feel an ounce of what I made you feel, but... that was my mistake. Because you're amazing and of course other women are going to want to be with you.” Kelley's voice cracked. “And if someone else makes you happy, then I can...learn. I can learn how to be happy for you. Because, fuck. Hope Solo, I love you.

 

“And we’ve been through this. I know! I know that at some point, words can't clean up the mess we made, but I just-I just-”

 

“You know,” Hope interjected. “I didn't know that Justine had a blue toothbrush.”

 

Kelley breathed heavily while she tried to understand what Hope had said and why.

 

“Uh...okay.” She couldn't think of how to respond. She felt Hope drum her fingers on her knee.

 

“I just couldn't believe that I didn't know that she had a blue toothbrush. One of the most significant things about her.”

 

“Hope. I don't think that it's the most significant-”

 

“Yeah. It is to me.” The keeper insisted.

 

“Okay.” Kelley nodded her head.

 

“I think Jus put me out of my misery.” Hope said thoughtfully. “And I was miserable. I thought that I was going to come back. Just because of the look in your eyes. I was going to come back. But you told me you didn't want me to.

 

“And after I saw you that second time, I was so upset at how mad I still was at you after fucking five years. And then I met her, and I didn't feel so shitty anymore. And there's never been a girl to make me stop thinking about my anger with you.”

 

Kelley looked down at the Hope’s fingers and nodded to herself.

 

“And then, you did what you always do.” Hope rolled her eyes, but the small smile was tugging at the corners of her lips.

 

“Without my permission, you told me how you felt and fucked things up and-”

 

“Hope.” Kelley leaned down onto her side and put her hand on Hope’s chest. “I swear to god I didn’t, I didn’t want to hurt you, I just wanted-”

 

Hope grabbed her hand quickly and looked her straight in the eye, shutting her up. The keeper reached down with her free hand and handed over the little box that was in her jacket pocket.

 

Kelley looked down at it.

 

“Justine gave this to me when I told her about the girl that taught me how to love. She uh. She asked me if I was still in love with you.”

 

Kelley opened it to see the ring that she saw on twitter.

 

“And I can't lie.” Kelley met Hope’s gaze.

 

“I told her that you're still carrying my broken heart around. And she told me that I was probably going to want this back.”

 

Hope sat back up.

 

“I said, ‘yeah. Probably.’”

 

\--

 

Hope sat on the edge of her bed, with her legs off the edge and Kelley in between them, with her face in Hope’s hand. The smaller woman's knees graced the floor and her hands bunched in the hem of Hope’s jacket and her lower arms placed on top of the keeper’s thighs.

 

“I crossed the ocean to be with you.I don't want to keep having nightmares of you with someone else. I want you here. Next to me. Dreaming the same dream.” Hope whispered.

 

Her words kissed Kelley's skin and then floated away into the chilly air that came in through the open window.

 

The keeper tucked in a strand of brown hair behind the woman's ear and placed it neatly with the rest of Kelley's mane that flowed down her back as she looked up into Hope’s eyes.

 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Kelley tightened her grip on Hope’s jacket and their lips found each other, finally.

 

The taller woman pulled Kelley over her and there clothes and their skin fused into one. In the bed of familiar bedsheets and the familiar moonlight, Kelley ran her lips over the tattoo on the keeper's chest. Hope gripped the back of Kelley's neck and held it tight, to hold her close.

 

The defender licked her skin off of her bones to get to the center of the essence and composition of this chemical, magnetic drawing of two human beings.

 

She bit down hard in her neck to devour her and looped her fingers around her pants to pull them down.

 

Kelley kissed her brow, her lips, her chin, her neck, her chest, her stomach, and then looked up. Hope opened her mouth to say something.

 

“No more talking. I want this.” Kelley growled. Hope furiously nodded and then threw her head back when she saw the stars in her eyes at the feeling of Kelley's mouth in between her legs.

 

_I’m home._

 

\--

 

 

 

2 Months later

 

“OHMIGOSH Kelley! Either stay in the stands or get some gloves on!” Hope said through clenched teeth.

 

“Really?” Kelley’s eyes brightened and she squealed in excitement. The keeper shook her head, sprayed some water into her mouth and then chuckled when Kelley excitedly clapped her gloved hands together.

 

“Whoa Whoa Whoa. I’m only getting paid for one player. Not two.” Paul said with a smirk.

 

“Do you want her to keep telling you to kick softer so that you don’t ruin my face, or do you want her to dive for some balls?” Hope called out.

 

“Alright, Kelley, get in goal. And put Hope’s spare jersey in there. Don’t want you to get scratched up elbows.” He said in his english accent.

 

“Yay!” Kelley got on her tiptoes to kiss Hope on the cheek before she assumed an athletic stance, with her bright green jersey on

 

Paul looked over at Hope.

 

_This is going to be hilarious._

 

She took turns with him to drop in serves for Kelley. They went from easy to hard and Paul was actually really impressed with the smaller woman’s quick taking to the goal. Hope internally pouted at how impressive it was instead of how funny it could have been. But it was also kind of hot. She let Paul serve in more balls and let herself get all warm at the sight of Kelley in a goalkeeping jersey.

 

“Done?” Hope looked up at the sight of an exhausted Kelley looking down at her with a red, flushed face.

 

“Goalkeeping is hard! I’m done.” Kelley threw the extra pair of gloves and sat down on the grass in between Hope’s legs.

 

“Aw. My little keeper! Tired already?” She held Kelley from behind and then pinched her cheeks.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I mean i’m a defender now, so whose to say that I won’t be the number two, huh?” Kelley challenged.

 

“I told you. It’s that versatility.” Hope said with a smirk.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m still a striker at heart.” Kelley said before she took a swig from her water bottle.

 

“Lovebirds, are we ready to go for another round?” Paul called out. Hope looked at Kelley,

 

“I’m going to take a nap.” Kelley said.

 

\--

 

“Being drafted across the country from you kind of sucks.” Kelley said sadly.

 

“I know. But we did like..spend a fucking decade a part. You and I can make it for the three months out of the year that we aren’t in camp. Plus, that’s the only way I’m going to be able to train.” Hope said simply.

 

“Ugh. What does that mean? I’m a distraction?” Kelley playfully teased.

 

“Yes. I can’t stop thinking about what your shorts look like..off of you. Because we both know what I can do to you on a soccer field.” Hope said with a smirk. The keeper just knew that Kelley was rolling her eyes. Just because they were on the phone, doesn’t mean she didn’t know the faces her girlfriend was making.

 

“True.” Kelley said after a moment.

 

\--

 

“Did you know that you get like 500$ for an engagement ring return? I paid like 3000$ for that!” Hope said as she massaged Kelley’s feet.

 

“That’s fucking depressing.” Kelley said.

 

“I know right? Only 500$??”

 

“No you asshole! You only bought her a 3000$ ring?! You’re made of fucking money!” Kelley threw up her hands.

 

“Don’t be spoiled.” Hope smirked.

 

“And here I thought, I snagged a sugah mama that was going to wine and dine me and sponsor my life. And all i’m getting is shitty foot rubs..” Kelley smirked back.

 

“I can stop..” Hope got up.

 

“No!” Kelley begged.

 

\--

 

“This is some fine ass food!” Kelley said.

 

“I feel like eating on top of Seattle’s space needle is a little cliche, but it was expensive and touristy and a good way of proving the size of my wallet to my girlfriend.” Hope joked.

 

“The Space Needle is how you prove your wealth. Not the new ass, fully loaded beamer that you picked me up in??” Kelley teased.

 

“Well, I’m not too happy about the brand of car. That’s all I could get.” Hope rolled her eyes.

 

“Can you just admit that you’re still jelly about me getting a cool car and that you love me and you love BMW? Can you just do that for me?” Kelley said with a sweet smile.

 

“Nope.” Hope ate a spoonful of her expensive ass meal.

 

“Fine. No sex for you tonight.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Fine.”

 

....

 

(Later on at the hotel)

 

“Can I please have sex with you?” Hope begged Kelley who was getting some ice from the ice machine. She dropped the tin.

 

“Please.” Kelley growled.

 

\--

 

“Who was that?” Kelley asked when Hope walked back into the room that the defender was sharing with Tobin.

 

“Oh just, Nike. I’m just designing some gloves that I want for my first cap.” Hope smiled brightly.

 

“Oh. That’s so..cool. You can do that?” She snuggled back up to her keeper when she sat back down on the couch.

 

“Yeah of course. I’m Hope Solo. I can do whatever I want.”

 

Hope put her hands in front of her face to block the cushion that was aimed straight for her head.

 

\--

 

“CAN YOU STOP HITTING ON HER??” Kelley yelled.

 

“I just fucking asked how often she went to the gym! God you’re a fucking brat!” Erin yelled back.

 

“And you asked her if she was sure she wanted to be with me!” Kelley flicked some flour in Erin’s face. “Stop being annoying!”

 

“Because I wanted to know if our family was going to inherit all of that wealth. Trying to lock down our prospects since your abilities are a little questionable! It took you fucking 20 years!” Erin threw back.

 

“Guys..I’m right here.” Hope said with widened eyes with the abandoned cake mix in front of her.

 

“It didn’t take me twenty years! Plus what the fuck have your brought to this family?? A husband who is in the next room watching a football game, scratching his balls? Fucking useful!” Kelley spat.

 

“It so fucking did! You’ve been trying to hit that up since you were eight years old, and she’s just now having Thanksgiving with us. You fucking suck!”

 

Hope felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

“Happy thanksgiving.” Karen smirked. “Get used to it.” The older woman handed her a beer.

 

\--

 

 

“Babe. Sit Still.” Kelley hushed.

 

“I can’t.” Hope aired out the space in between her collar and her neck and looked out the bus window.

 

The nerves were starting to creep in. She didn’t have any gloves in her hand at the moment to play with, so there was nothing to distract her. No music could be loud enough to block the chatter buzzing in her brain.

 

“Babe, the ball isn’t even going to go near you. Plus, Dani will start off the first half. She’ll set the tone. Don’t worry.” Kelley intertwined her fingers in her girlfriend’s.

 

The keeper squeezed her hand harder and harder the closer they got to the stadium.

 

“Okay, you’re going to break my hand.”

 

“You don’t need it for soccer.” Christen said from across the aisle.

 

Hope smirked at her.

 

\--

 

“Jesus, Lord. Why is my Hopey talking to the fucking camera men? Is it really that fucking huge of a return?” Kelley as she slipped on the shin guard cover onto her legs.

 

“Are you seriously fucking asking that?” Christen deadpanned.

 

“Did you not see the huge building size poster of her face on the size of the stadium??” Pinoe asked.

 

“Well, I know it’s huge, but she’s been doing media with Aaron for like an hour and a half. I don’t even see them talking to Dani. I mean maybe, for like two seconds, but she’s already getting her ankles taped!” Kelley said

 

“No, I think she’s in a last minute meeting with Pia.” Carli said from her locker.

 

“Well, what the hell? Warmups are like in five minutes.” Kelley groaned.

 

“Chill, O’Hara. Close your legs. Don’t be so easy. Make her work for it.” Tobin teased.

 

\--

 

Two minutes left of warmups and Kelley lined up her ball, squinted one eye to give herself some better vision to aim, and then let it rip. She watched with her mouth wide open as the ball soared in the air. She watched as it flew high.

And then hit the designated target right in the shoulder.

 

“Who kicked this??” Hope spun around to find the culprit. Kelley put her body right behind Pinoe. But the keeper knew exactly who it was.

 

“Hopey. I didn’t mean it.” Kelley said with her hands in the air. But as soon as she was done offering her fake apology, she was pulled into a passionate kiss.

 

Of which, Kelley quickly wriggled out of. “Babe.” Kelley quickly pushed Hope off of her and looked around at the small amount of people that had made their way into the stadium. She didn’t want the pang in her chest at the sight of Hope’s expression to affect her like it did. “We haven’t talked about how public we wanted to go with this. I’m just trying to...fuck I don’t know.”

 

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Hope said quietly. She wiped her lips and then slowly walked her way back to the goal posts.

 

“Fuck!” Kelley cursed.

 

“You’re an idiot, dude.” Ali said.

 

“ShitBalls! I AM a fucking idiot.” Kelley groaned.

 

“Well get over it now, you got a game to concentrate on.” Ali said as she dribbled away with her ball.

 

 

\--

 

“I love you.” Kelley said abruptly, at the sight of Hope in a US jersey.

 

Hope smirked at her and then picked up the special red and white gloves she designed for this game.

 

\--

 

Kelley put her right hand over her heart, while she sang the national anthem, but she looked straight at Hope, who was nervously strapping the velcro on her gloves.

 

\--

 

“Relax.” Kelley whispered into her ear as she handed Hope her warm ups.

 

“I don’t know if I can do this.” Hope said. She looked like she was going to throw up. And Kelley was a little put off by how nervous and fidgety her girlfriend was. She had never seen this.

 

“Babe, you’re the best. You know it, I know it.” Kelley said strongly and loudly over the roar of the 30,000+ that had showed up to see Dani’s retirement and Hope’s debut. “And if you want people to know how much I know that, and how much I love you, then I’m all for it.”

 

Hope watched Kelley take her position for the kickoff.

 

\--

 

34’

 

At some point, Kelley had gotten so absorbed into the beautiful game, that she forgot that Hope was on the sidelines watching her. Except she wasn’t. They were up 5-0 and that ball went out on Sweden. Kelley picked up the ball, let it spin in her hand, and looked at the sideline to get a glimpse of Hope. But she wasn’t there.

 

41’

 

Another throw in on Kelley’s side. She picked up the ball, let it spin in her hand, and then looked, again, at the sideline. No Hope, and this time, she noticed that Christen was holding the gloves that her girlfriend had before.

 

45’

 

Dani went down and the athletic staff rushed on the field. It went through the minute and one more of stoppage time. The staff left off the field and Dani got on goal, but Kelley had no fucking clue what just happened.

 

Halftime

 

“Hey are you good?” Kelley asked as she wiped the sweat off her face with her jersey.

 

“No. I think I landed on my finger weird on that one shot that Lotte got.” Dani said with a grimace.

 

“Dude. You got like two minutes in the second half before they sub you on. You’re good?? I mean this is the game!” Kelley yelled. But Dani’s expression didn’t change.

 

“Where the fuck is Solo?” Dani asked in frustration. “Pia! I’m going to go check this out.”

 

Kelley turned to see her coach squint her eyes, but then nod.

 

\--

 

“Babe. Where is your girlfriend?” Christen whispered into Kelley’s ear while they sat in the locker room.

 

“I have no fucking clue! Where’s Dani and Pia? We’ve been sitting in here for like 10 minutes. I mean I know that we’re going to win, but what the fuck??”

 

“I know. I have her fucking gloves!” Christen said as she took out the gloves that she had stuffed in her jacket.

 

Kelley let the anxiety swirl in her brain and her body.

 

_You can’t fucking run away again, Hope. You can’t just do this to me, anymore. This isn’t about you and I anymore. This is about your career and your integrity as a teammate. Where the FUCK ARE YOU?_

 

“What the FUCK??” She heard Paul yell on the outside of the locker room.

 

“Where could she have gone??” Pia yelled.

 

Kelley quickly got up.

 

“O’Hara! Where is Hope??” Paul yelled.

 

Kelley was like a deer in headlights. She shrugged.

 

“Paul, I have a keeper on the verge of retirement with a broken finger-”

 

“What??” Christen yelled as she appeared on Kelley’s side.

 

“And my budding number one went AWOL!” Pia yelled. “What the hell are we supposed to do?!”

 

Paul rubbed the brow on his face.

 

“Alright calm down.” He ordered. “This is just a friendly. A blowout. No need to put a broken player in the goal. Just...” He looked around and then his eyes landed on Kelley.

 

“O’Hara.”

 

“What?” Kelley sputtered. Paul turned to Pia. “O’Hara has been training with Hope. We can put her in for the second half. Have Dani stand there for two minutes, and then throw Kelley in.”

 

“UHHH FUCK NO!” Kelley indignantly yelled.

 

But Pia looked at Kelley like she was seriously considering it.

 

“Are you seriously considering this??” Kelley yelled at Pia.

 

“Look. She’s not going to touch the ball. And if she does, Sweden has no chance of catching up to the five goal deficit. She has Becky as her center back.” Paul reasoned.

 

Pia stayed quiet and mulled it over.

 

“You got any other plans?” Paul challenged.

 

“You guys are fucking crazy, I’m sure Hope is-”

 

“Kell, suit up. Go get some gloves.” Pia ordered.

 

“What the fuck....” Kelley breathed out.

 

“Christen has Hope’s gloves. Press! Go out there and warm Kelley up as keeper!” Christen looked on with widened eyes at the strangest instructions she has ever received. “Paul will keep looking for her.” Pia quietly said to the defender.

 

“No there’s someone else, I’m sure, who can do-”

 

“You’re not going to touch the ball kid.” Pia said softly. “And you’ll go down as the second field player to do this. Don’t you want to be in the likes of Mia Hamm?”

 

“No.” Kelley said resolutely. “Not for this.”

 

“Do you want to let your team down?” Pia asked quietly, so that even Christen couldn’t hear.

 

Kelley glared at her.

 

“Press, go and take her to the far goal.”

 

\--

 

“I fucking hate all of you.” Kelley said through clenched teeth when Christen and her had reached the goal.

 

“This. Will. Be. Fun.” Christen said with an unconvincing tone.

 

“I hate this! I hate this! Where is she, Chris??” Kelley cried.

 

“Babe, I don’t know. But tell you what, let’s get started. What do I..what do I need to do?” Christen asked hesitantly.

 

“Here, I’ll show you.” Kelley said.

 

“Wait.” Christen put the pair of gloves in between her legs and then cupped Kelley’s face in her own hands. “I know that Pia put you on the spot. I know that this is FUCKING UNFAIR. I know that I would be shitting my pants, but I love you for this. And maybe Hope dropped the ball this time, and I hope she has a FUCKING good excuse, it doesn’t matter because I love you. You’re a versatile player that is about to play goal right now. That speaks fucking volumes about you as a player and a teammate.I’m so fucking proud of you.” Christen was in awe and there were was actually a tear that fell.“So, i'll just take some shots on you, we only got a couple of minutes before the half starts, but don’t worry because the whole team is with you.”

 

Kelley shakily smiled and wiped the wet trail on Christen’s cheek.

 

“So put on these red and white gloves.” Christen ordered. She took the right hand glove and helped Kelley put it on.

 

The crowd went fucking wild.

 

“I think the crowd knows that Kelley O’Hara is going to get in goal.” Christen smirked.

 

Then Christen slipped on the other glove.

 

“Ow, Chris! What the fuck?!” Kelley grimaced. “Something just fucking stung me or pulled my skin or..”

 

“Sorry...” Christen said quietly.

 

“No. Something doesn’t feel right. That shit hurt.” Kelley grabbed the finger of the left hand glove and then pulled it off.

 

“What the fuck was-”

 

She looked down at her hand. Kelley could hear her breathing even though the crowd was still ROARING. The muscles in her face relaxed as her mouth hung slightly open. The sight, the sounds, was unbelievable.

 

She was looking down at a diamond ring that had perfectly slipped itself on her ring finger on her left hand.

 

Kelley looked up to see Christen Press smiling as bright as the stadium lights. Kelley started breathing heavy.

 

“Chris...”

 

“Turn around.” Christen whispered.

 

Kelley felt a tug on the bottom of her shirt.  

 

She felt the grass twist and turn when her feet swiveled, and she saw Hope Solo down on one knee right in front of her.

 

Kelley O’Hara put her hands on her face and the diamond reflected in the lights and her face was put on every single TV and jumbotron in the huge stadium. She looked around at her teammates, Pia, Paul, and all of the other staff lined on the sideline with huge grins.

 

Then, she looked into the ocean blue eyes.

 

“Kelley O’Hara.” Hope’s voice was shaking and Kelley was crying and the crowd was roaring.

 

“The last thing I’m going to do is ask for your permission to ask you to marry me. Because we both know you’re going to. "

 

Kelley let out a mixture of a sob and chuckle.

 

"So kiss me in front of this crowd to let everyone know that you’re the only woman who’s going to take my last name.”

 

And she did.

 

The crowd was deafening.

 

 

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you ever have time, go back and read this story as a whole. 
> 
> 1\. IF you hate/love/are eh about this story, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT and let me know if there was line/quote in this whole story that you loved.
> 
> 2\. OR leave whatever you like...
> 
> 3\. wretchedthorium.tumblr.com
> 
> 4\. Thank you for going on this journey with me.


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